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Old 2012-03-11, 02:17   Link #1
Akito Kinomoto
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Visiting family or loved ones at the hospital

The usual justification for a person to see someone he or she cares about at the hospital is to lend emotional support to the one who is admitted in times of sickness or injury. But what if the visited person is in a state that can best be described as pathetic? Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
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Old 2012-03-11, 02:30   Link #2
Vexx
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
The usual justification for a person to see someone he or she cares about at the hospital is to lend emotional support to the one who is admitted in times of sickness or injury. But what if the visited person is in a state that can best be described as pathetic? Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
What???? o.O
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Old 2012-03-11, 02:34   Link #3
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If you ask me, there's nothing "pathetic" about under some kind of medical condition, unless it's induced by one's own habit, like drug use.
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Old 2012-03-11, 02:34   Link #4
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
The usual justification for a person to see someone he or she cares about at the hospital is to lend emotional support to the one who is admitted in times of sickness or injury. But what if the visited person is in a state that can best be described as pathetic? Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
My reaction is the same as what Vexx had... but going a bit farther, it really depends on the person you're visiting. I think that most people are happy to have someone - anyone show up and give a damn about them, if for nothing more than to break the monotony of the hospital environment. (Can you imagine what it must be like to be confined to a bed or tiny room for hours, possibly days, weeks, or months?) At the same time, some people are very prideful and don't want to be seen in a state of distress of illness. Obviously, those people would probably prefer to receive a phone call instead of an in-person visit. But I wouldn't make the assumption that they'd prefer such a thing.
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Old 2012-03-11, 04:05   Link #5
Yuno
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I can't stay quiet about this topic. I'm about to reveal a bit of stuff about myself, and I personally don't care about the opinions of others when they hear this truth about me. I have been put into an asylum in 2010. My state was definitely something one would called pathetic. My ex-fiance had ruined my life took all my money and left me basically on the street to fend for myself. I lived like that okay, whilst battling mental illness. It wasn't easy, but over time a person just breaks. I got picked up by the police and locked up in Archie Courtnall psychiatric emergancy ward in the hospital.

It is locked up nice and tight and one can't see outside very easily. My room had no windows, I had a small bed and a weird wardrobe that didn't really work. Most of my posessions were taken from me and I was trapped in a hospital gown. I couldn't have any sense of identity or self while there. Locked in with the rest similar to me... some more far gone than me. Yet when I sat during visiting hours, the hope, the smiles on people's faces when they came to visit. The talks and warmth they felt made them feel human for a change. It made them feel like they mattered.

When I was there... No one visited me. There was no one left. My best friend Tyler had died in an accident in 2008. My closest friend was hurt by me in such a bad way she'd never speak to me again. I learned the value of having people in our lives then. I learned the value of how much a simple smile, a simple visit can change a person's life. We're a social spieces and we need each other whether we like it or not. If I had a visitor I probably would have cried my eyes out with how happy I was. However, those I cared about have passed on now, or left my life.

Interpersonal Relationships are important, it gives us more strength than we know. It gives us more hope in our subconcious that people can't even fathom. Sometimes it's the difference between recovery, and a life of "being pathetic" I dared not be moved to Eric Martin the permanent holdings. I had no one, but there was someone there for me on this forum during that time. It made a world of difference for me even if it was simply online. In person I imagine would be far more powerful.
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Old 2012-03-11, 06:20   Link #6
DarkyPwnz
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Originally Posted by Sofiel View Post
I can't stay quiet about this topic. I'm about to reveal a bit of stuff about myself, and I personally don't care about the opinions of others when they hear this truth about me. I have been put into an asylum in 2010. My state was definitely something one would called pathetic. My ex-fiance had ruined my life took all my money and left me basically on the street to fend for myself. I lived like that okay, whilst battling mental illness. It wasn't easy, but over time a person just breaks. I got picked up by the police and locked up in Archie Courtnall psychiatric emergancy ward in the hospital.

It is locked up nice and tight and one can't see outside very easily. My room had no windows, I had a small bed and a weird wardrobe that didn't really work. Most of my posessions were taken from me and I was trapped in a hospital gown. I couldn't have any sense of identity or self while there. Locked in with the rest similar to me... some more far gone than me. Yet when I sat during visiting hours, the hope, the smiles on people's faces when they came to visit. The talks and warmth they felt made them feel human for a change. It made them feel like they mattered.

When I was there... No one visited me. There was no one left. My best friend Tyler had died in an accident in 2008. My closest friend was hurt by me in such a bad way she'd never speak to me again. I learned the value of having people in our lives then. I learned the value of how much a simple smile, a simple visit can change a person's life. We're a social spieces and we need each other whether we like it or not. If I had a visitor I probably would have cried my eyes out with how happy I was. However, those I cared about have passed on now, or left my life.

Interpersonal Relationships are important, it gives us more strength than we know. It gives us more hope in our subconcious that people can't even fathom. Sometimes it's the difference between recovery, and a life of "being pathetic" I dared not be moved to Eric Martin the permanent holdings. I had no one, but there was someone there for me on this forum during that time. It made a world of difference for me even if it was simply online. In person I imagine would be far more powerful.
That's a pretty touching story actually,and I can see a person who is left alone having mental problems.
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Old 2012-03-11, 10:15   Link #7
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Originally Posted by Sofiel View Post

Interpersonal Relationships are important, it gives us more strength than we know. It gives us more hope in our subconcious that people can't even fathom..
This is completely true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem
Can you imagine what it must be like to be confined to a bed or tiny room for hours, possibly days, weeks, or months?
I can. In June of 2007 I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. It's basically a muscle weakness disease where your antibodies attack your own body, interrupting signals that control muscle movements. It kills by taking away your power to swallow food and even breathe. In my case it hit hard and fast, much faster than usual according to my doctor. Within two weeks of the diagnosis I was in the hospital barely ale to breathe. My wife told me that at one point I almost died right there in the ER, my heart rate had dipped so low.

I spent a little more than a month in two separate hospitals, and I spent the entire time in solitary. I'm pretty sure I looked "pathetic" to my family and friends. I remember there being shocked gasps, hands over mouths, and tears streaming down cheeks after seeing my the state I was in, especially since I was intubated.

However, I was pretty damn happy to see just about anyone. I got visits from coworkers and friends that I hadn't seen in a while. There were get well letters from classmates that I hadn't heard from since graduation 20 years earlier. I even struck up small conversations with the cleaning lady that came in to sweep my room. I couldn't talk while being hooked up to a breathing machine, so I used a notepad and a pencil to communicate. Sometimes when I was knocked out my visitors would just hold my hands and talk. I firmly believe all of that greatly helped my recovery. There is no cure for what I have, but I'm completely stabilized now, although occasionally, I'm reminded that I'm being stalked by a killer disease. I'll always remember the visits in the hospital by the people who cared.

In 2004 my friend Mark was being ravaged by cancer. Mark was the kind of guy that was easy to be friends with. Easygoing, always had something funny or weird to say. He was the kind of guy that would strike up conversation anywhere with complete strangers and make them smile. He liked to go dirt bike riding as often as he could at Glamis. The last time I saw him he was curled up in his hospital bed sleeping. His head had grown quite large and deformed, and you could actually see the bumps on his belly under the gown. I spent about an hour just talking to him about all the good times we had, and we had a lot of those. He died three days later. He was 31.

Geez, my eyes have a lot of water in them right now

The point of all this is, it doesn't matter how pathetic the person is, go see them. It's very important.

Endless "Survivor" Soul
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Old 2012-03-11, 11:13   Link #8
Ledgem
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I can. In June of 2007 I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. ...
Another moving story - thanks for sharing. The reason I bring it up to consider things from the patient's perspective is from my own clinical experiences. Before entering medical school I logged an unusually large number of volunteering hours across a few hospitals, and one of the things that somewhat saddened me was the sight of medical staff who felt that certain patients were a bother.

It's not hard to see where that thinking came from: these patients were very needy, sometimes demanding (acting as if they were in a five-star hotel instead of a hospital). The staff were very busy, and couldn't afford the time to sit around talking, hearing complaints, or trying to fulfill all of their requests. Of course the natural reaction under such a circumstance would be to find the patient to be something of a nuisance.

As a volunteer, I had the luxury of time to go and talk to the patients when the staff were trying to avoid them. The staff would warn me that a patient was really crabby, or really demanding, and yet I would often find them to be a bit different. It seemed to me that their demands were really an indirect way of demanding attention and human contact. As an example, I remember one patient who stormed up to the nursing station, menacingly staring everyone down and threatening to sue the hospital; a few minutes later, he called me into his room as I was passing by in the hallway, demanding some tea. I made it for him, showed concern, and stuck around to chat. By the time I left, the patient was laughing, talking about his family, and was ready to take a nap. (I don't know whether his stay improved after that, or whether he actually made good on his threat to file a lawsuit, but I like to think that I defused that one.) I have other similar stories, and very often the staff have little to no sympathy for the patient.

While one could argue that the staff are somewhat desensitized to the plights facing patients, I wonder how the average person - someone who has not spent time in a hospital, whether as a worker, volunteer, or patient - can understand what patients suffer through. I'm not talking about the diseases or procedures, but simply being confined, removed from almost all aspects of your life, having little say in what you eat or what happens to you each day... and of course, there's the fear over what's happening to your body, your life. Being shown care from anyone matters a great deal in those circumstances.
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Old 2012-03-11, 11:40   Link #9
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
The usual justification for a person to see someone he or she cares about at the hospital is to lend emotional support to the one who is admitted in times of sickness or injury. But what if the visited person is in a state that can best be described as pathetic? Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
If you don't want too go then don't!
Going to be with a loved one or a friend that is in a hospital for whatever reason is too show that you do support them as well as care about them!
But if you feel it's a waste of your time them by all means stay home or whatever, your not doing anyone any good!
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Old 2012-03-11, 12:02   Link #10
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It is the bad moments when the chips are down when we learn who our true friends are. It is easy to stand side by side with your buddy when things all seem to be turning out well but if things take a bad turn it is harder to stick with a friend. Without knowing any details it is hard to say what to do but provided your friend has not done terrible things to get into hospital I think it would be best to visit your friend even if they are in pathetic state.

At the end of the day your friend is in a vulnerable state and any support will be appreciated and they will know you will have their back even if they reach rock bottom. I would go even if they were taking drugs or something I disagree with. The moral talks and ones of self-improvement can wait until later but at the moment they just need to be in right shape in body or mind.
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Old 2012-03-11, 12:09   Link #11
warita
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
Is it just me, or is this question retarded?

Anyways, what exactly do you mean by pity? D you mean to say that the person in the hospital had a lame accident? I think more details are needed about the nature of the pitiful state, before I can make any comments on this.

But I really question the way you worded this post. You said yourself that the purpose of a hospital visit is to support your friend/family member..... and it isnt about your feelings, is it?
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Old 2012-03-11, 12:32   Link #12
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
The usual justification for a person to see someone he or she cares about at the hospital is to lend emotional support to the one who is admitted in times of sickness or injury. But what if the visited person is in a state that can best be described as pathetic? Is being there for someone really worth it if the last impression he or she leaves invokes more pity than love or care?
1% help is more then 100% pity, but 1% pity is still more than 0% help


Also describe pathetic? Someone who lost hope? Someone who got him/herself there 'by their own damned fault'? "Poetic justice"?
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Old 2012-03-12, 04:31   Link #13
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As a professional nurse who had work in a military hospital for a year, having visitors is encourage for emotional support as a part of patients rehabilitation.

Pathetic? Is it the patient's way of thinking or the visitor's.

Hmmm... By the way, who decides to have visitors anyway? Well, its the patient. The patient has the right to receive visitors whether relatives or not (except in certain situations.)

I've help and seen patients with blasted hands, legs feet, shattered faces and other disfigurations your could never imagine during my year (in a military hospital in Mindanao, Philippines). When I encountered these people I often ask if they have relatives and they don't hesitate to give info for them to be able to visit them. I know they need them.

To sum in up, its the patient's decision to have a visitor. We have nothing against "visits" whether it make make the patient feel pathetic or not... Its him/herself to decide... what we are after is the emotional support for the patient's benefit and not our own conclusion to the patient's supposed feelings to prevail...

*Sorry for the bad English..

Your visit will definitely make him/her happy, unless its your presence that make him/her sick. Then that's an issue where I'll side with the patient.

Last edited by NoemiChan; 2012-03-12 at 05:55.
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Old 2012-03-12, 07:01   Link #14
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I'm rather indifferent about being pitied. I won't ask to be pitied but I don't take offense if someone insists. Never concerned me or bothered me.

The last time I was hospitalized for a week from a severe physical injury, the only person that visited was a stalker I had a restraining order against... Who doesn't count as family or loved ones.

I think patients should always have the final say but it's really appreciated that family or close friends to call and show interest that they want to see you. My close friends give me a lot of personal space that I really appreciate. They keep in digital contact but don't forcefully see me. Depending on the problem, sometimes I don't want to see people.
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Old 2012-03-13, 17:55   Link #15
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It does make a difference to visit anyone when they are suffering ... whether or no those who are suffering and afflicted are conscious of us being there (as if they are in a coma) and whether or no a person individual can see no "practical or visible results".

After all, don't we often show love to others throughout our lives without seeing any such "results"?

I agree with what the others have said. It is very, very important.
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Old 2012-03-13, 23:09   Link #16
Akito Kinomoto
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Something that I've noticed from most of the accounts on this thread is that they deal with visiting sick or injured people in general. The topic in question addresses visiting afflicted family members or loved ones, meaning there was supposed to be a close preexisting relationship between all relevant people heading into the problem as opposed to unfortunate circumstances invoking good will from a stranger.

What I'm trying to ask is that if anyone close to you was severely affected enough by illness or accident to be admitted to the hospital, would you be willing to visit him or her knowing there's a possibility the pathetic state (hooked up to a breathing machine, bandages all over the body, comatose, ect.) could be the last way you see someone you care about?
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Old 2012-03-13, 23:21   Link #17
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
What I'm trying to ask is that if anyone close to you was severely affected enough by illness or accident to be admitted to the hospital, would you be willing to visit him or her knowing there's a possibility the pathetic state (hooked up to a breathing machine, bandages all over the body, comatose, ect.) could be the last way you see someone you care about?
Yes. It might be unpleasant to see, but that's the reality of death: very few people look good dying! However, while seeing them like that will probably forever be with you, would that really color your view of them? Presumably you have many memories of them from when they were healthy - why would you be more likely to think of them when they were in their injured state?

If this is about someone who could realistically die, then my major concern would be if I could live with myself if I didn't see them. Just because you were squeamish, you wouldn't see someone in their final moments and suffering - would you really be OK with that? The answer will be different for everyone, but hell, it's been years and I still feel guilty about not rushing home to be with my dog in his final moments as he lay taking his last breaths outside of my room; I can't imagine how terrible I would feel if something similar happened with a relative or close friend.
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Old 2012-03-13, 23:57   Link #18
Vexx
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Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
What I'm trying to ask is that if anyone close to you was severely affected enough by illness or accident to be admitted to the hospital, would you be willing to visit him or her knowing there's a possibility the pathetic state (hooked up to a breathing machine, bandages all over the body, comatose, ect.) could be the last way you see someone you care about?
Having watched my 13 year old brother die from the complications of a lung ailment (essentially drowning from lack of oxygen) when I was 19 but being able to be with him til the end - I'd say: "um, hell yes?"

It clearly helped him to have his people around him for the end... this sort of thing is for *them* not us.
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Old 2012-03-14, 01:47   Link #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Akito_Kinomoto View Post
What I'm trying to ask is that if anyone close to you was severely affected enough by illness or accident to be admitted to the hospital, would you be willing to visit him or her knowing there's a possibility the pathetic state (hooked up to a breathing machine, bandages all over the body, comatose, ect.) could be the last way you see someone you care about?
It's better to see him/her still alive in that state (denying how painful it it)... other than seeing him/her dead already in that way..

It's not our feelings that are important at this moments... its his/her emotional state that matters above all.
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Old 2012-03-14, 03:27   Link #20
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My father died from Motor Neural Disease several years ago and I had to watch him basically waste away in front of my eyes.

Yes it was hard to watch but I couldn't turn my back on my own father. I visited him when I could and even now I still wish I had visited him more often. However when I remember my father I will always recall the man whom I idolized in my youth. Someone tough but fair, harsh but still loving and just a top bloke.

I am still striving to be half the man he was. If I ever reach that point, I would find it most fitting if it was to be on my own deathbed.
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