|2012-03-26, 06:28||Link #161|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
Er... right, sorry about that. I actually really enjoyed what I was able to play here. Loved the work done with the sprites. And while I'd never actually see it in a normal, non-Alliance playthrough, I have to agree with RRR that Sayaka's dejected look after Madoka yelled at her was adorable... in an "I want to comfort her because the mean pink-haired girl yelled at her" sort of way.
Of course, that isn't to say the exact opposite scenario wasn't cute. "Shy Madoka" is quite adorable herself, after all.
As for the Homura choice... the subtle changes in her expression based on Madoka's response are quite nice. While she isn't quite as emotive as Madoka or Sayaka, I loved seeing her reactions to the things "Madoka" says.
Anyway... if I could make just one suggestion, there's a minor problem or two with the text placement. It's fine throughout most of this, but anything with five lines of text ends up overlapping the lower border if the bottom line has a "tailed" letter like y or p. Also, the part where Hitomi and Sayaka respond in unison has the last "a" of the latter's name overlapping the right-hand border of the name box. If the names were just a bit to the left and the dialogue were just a bit higher, I don't think either would happen. Of course, I understand if that's not possible. I'm just making a suggestion, is all.
If I could just ask one more thing... How are you making this? I've been working on a similar project since late last year(yet haven't really gone anywhere, due to my previously mentioned file size issues killing my motivation a bit...), and my curiosity is getting the better of me...
|2012-03-26, 11:29||Link #162|
Join Date: Dec 2011
|2012-03-26, 11:35||Link #163|
Mami Lives Chapter 7
Mami Romance Chain
“How was your trip to the beach?”
That's what my papa enthusiastically asked me after I walked in through the front door of my home. I had finally arrived home this late Saturday evening, and my papa was reading the newspaper while sitting at the dining room table.
If you Chose A for Choice M4, read Section An Entirely Happy Answer.
If you Chose B for Choice M4, read Section A Carefully Worded Answer.
Spoiler for An Entirely Happy Answer:
Spoiler for A Carefully Worded Answer:
“Thanks” I replied to that.
Papa and I then drank some hot cocoa while sitting across from each other at the table.
“I'm glad that you've found someone special in your life, Madoka.” Papa said, “I think that it's essential to steadily grow and nurture the important relationships in your life, with the same care as I apply when tending to my garden, and that you probably use in your gardening club at school.”
“That's an interesting analogy...” I replied.
“Of course, not all plants are the same. While water and sunlight is important to all plants, they don't all require them in the same amounts.” Papa continued, “People are like that too, you know. Some need more love and attention than others. With this in mind, I have to admit that I'm curious about what Mami's home life is like.”
I started to feel a bit sad upon thinking on that, and I think Papa quickly picked up on it.
“Mami lives alone.” I began in answer.
“She doesn't live with her parents?” Papa asked, finding it a bit surprising that a girl of Mami's age was living by herself.
“...Unfortunately, her parents died in a car accident some time ago.” I answered, “I thought it would be better if Mami herself was the one to eventually tell you and mama that, so that's why I never brought it up to either of you before.”
“She must be awfully lonely...” Papa said, in a low tone, and more to himself than to me I think.
Papa then became a bit lost in thought, and so I did as well. It occurred to me that Mami probably needed more friendship and social interaction in her life. And perhaps a greater sense of family as well. These thoughts filled my mind as I finally went to sleep on Saturday night, after changing into my green pajamas and climbing into my bed.
These thoughts would also come rushing back to me when I received a phone call around 10 AM, Sunday morning.
If you chose A for Choice M4, read Section Happy Mami Call.
If you chose B for Choice M4, read Section Angry Sayaka Call.
Spoiler for Happy Mami Call:
Spoiler for Angry Sayaka Call:
Around 1 PM on Sunday afternoon, I met up with Sayaka at the site of Hitomi's grave. It was a cloudy and relatively cool day outside, but it wasn't raining. Sayaka was wearing a blue leather jacket over an one-piece white dress. I was wearing a pink and white one piece dress. Sayaka and I picked up a wreath of flowers a few days ago when we planned to visit Hitomi's grave this Sunday. So we now laid that wreath of flowers on top of Hitomi's grave, and proceeded to make a quick, silent prayer. We then took some time to think back on Hitomi while we stood at her grave.
“It's such a shame that she didn't live longer.” Sayaka said in a somber tone of voice, “She was a top student, and from a good family. She likely would have had a nice, full life ahead of her.”
“Yeah...” I stated in agreement, “She was also a great friend to both of us. We had some wonderful sleepovers over her place.”
“Right.” Sayaka said in agreement.
After that, there was a tense pause. I think that both Sayaka and I had questions on our minds, painful questions, that we'd like to avoid, but found difficult to. Sayaka had ultimately chosen to heal Kamijo's hand instead of wishing Hitomi back to life. And I had chosen to not become a Puella Magi at all, so I never made a wish for Hitomi's sake when I could have made one.
Sayaka and I could both legitimately criticize the other one for our respective choices, but I think we both realized that it wouldn't be appropriate to do that. We had made our decisions, as tough as they were. I guess that I could always change my mind, and make a wish for Hitomi to be brought back to... No, I have to let it go. Otherwise this may plague me for the rest of my life.
And I wanted to be in a good state of mind for my visit to Mami's place later today, as it was an important one! For her part, Sayaka was intending to visit Kamijo today after we paid our respects to Hitomi. So we wished each other well, after we parted ways.
I was now off to Mami's place!
If you chose A for Choice M4, read Section Meeting the Scarlet Puella Magi .
If you chose B for Choice M4, read Section Chocolatey Confrontations.
Spoiler for Meeting the Scarlet Puella Magi:
Spoiler for Chocolatey Confrontations:
Needless to say, I thought a lot about Mami and Homura as I slowly drifted to sleep in my bed, after a surprisingly eventful Sunday. Tomorrow I planned to speak with Homura, as I felt that would be the most appropriate thing for me to do. I could only hope I would somehow find a way to make everything work out well.
Sayaka Romance Chain
During afternoon classes, I was a bit surprised by how distracted and quiet Hitomi was. She seemed to have an awful lot on her mind, making me really wonder what her and Sayaka had talked about. Still, once the school day was over, Hitomi was very polite towards me. She said that she hoped Sayaka and I would enjoy our time together today, and that she looked forward to seeing us both at our usual spot tomorrow morning. There was something about the way Hitomi said that which worried me, though. When I made a concerned look towards Sayaka, all Sayaka did was scratch the back of her head and laugh a bit nervously. I wonder what this all could mean!
Anyway, that all could wait, as Sayaka and I finally left school for the day, heading to her place. Once we were out of sight of any other students, Sayaka carefully took told of my hand. Every time Sayaka had did that in recent days, it made me feel so safe, secure, and comforted. That was likely essential today, for what Sayaka revealed to me next was something that truly took me by surprise!
“I could tell that Hitomi seemed a bit weird to you during afternoon classes.” Sayaka said, “Just so you know, that's probably due to me. I... I told Hitomi about how you and I are girlfriends now.”
My eyes went wide, and my chest felt a bit tight, over hearing this!
“...But why?” I asked Sayaka.
“Well, Hitomi had her own big secret to reveal to me.” Sayaka began in answer, “Since Hitomi entrusted me with that secret, I felt it wouldn't be fair if I kept the relationship that you and I now have hidden from her.”
“I see.” I replied, after a brief pause, as I could easily respect and understand Sayaka's decision here, “What was the secret that Hitomi had been hiding from you?”
“Hearing this should relieve you a bit, Madoka.” Sayaka said, while she smiled sweetly towards me, “Hitomi is in love with Kyousuke, and she wanted me to know that.”
“Oh. Wow.” I replied in shock, “If you and I weren't...”
“Right.” Sayaka interjected, “That's how I felt too. Which is another reason why I'm very glad that we're girlfriends now, Madoka.”
“How did Hitomi take the news of that?” I asked.
“Better than I expected, honestly.” Sayaka answered, “If what she said to me was sincere, then I don't think we have anything to worry about as far as Hitomi is concerned.”
“That's a big relief!” I exclaimed with a big smile, while looking sideways and slightly upwards at Sayaka's face.
“Right.” Sayaka said, while she looked back at me, flashing me a serene smile.
Sayaka and I primarily engaged in casual chit-chat the rest of the way to her home. But after we went inside her home, I would at last reveal to her what it was that I had planned and prepared for today.
“...A bento?” Sayaka asked with a shocked look on her face, after I revealed it to her, and as we sat close to each other on a couch in the living room of Sayaka's home.
“Yeah.” I confirmed, but while looking a bit sad, and placing the bento into Sayaka's hands, “You bought me such a gorgeous and expensive outfit yesterday, and I felt so guilty over not trusting you as much as I should have, so I felt compelled to do something to make it up to you. So I thought it would be nice if I made a bento for you. Unfortunately, Hitomi wanting to talk with you got in the way of me giving it to you for lunch...”
Sayaka started to snicker a bit, and in a few moments she would be laughing loudly!
“W-What's so funny?!” I asked.
“Oh, you're so amazingly adorable, Madoka!” Sayaka exclaimed, while wiping tears away from her eyes, “Almost nobody makes bentos for their romantic partners any more! Being a girl, I certainly didn't think that I'd ever be on the receiving end of one!”
“I-Is there a problem with it?” I asked, feeling like my gesture here was not having the desired effect.
“No, not at all.” Sayaka said very sweetly, after she recomposed herself, “In fact, it's so perfectly you, Madoka.”
Sayaka then carefully placed the bento on the table near the sofa we were on. She then leaned over to warmly wrap her arms around me. Finally, she nestled her head next to mine.
“I'm so very glad to have somebody as wonderful as you are as my girlfriend, Madoka...” Sayaka said.
“Th-thank you.” I replied, blushing deeply over Sayaka's strong compliment here, “But please don't compliment me that much. I don't really deserve that...”
“That's not true.” Sayaka said, in a firmer tone of voice, while she rose back to a a position of proper sitting posture.
Sayaka then lovingly ran the fingers of one of her hands through my bangs.
“Madoka, do you remember what I said to you on Saturday?” Sayaka asked, “Do you remember how there's now so much I wanted to say to you?”
“Things that you didn't feel were appropriate for you to say to me when we were just friends?” I asked in turn, to see if I was correct in my answer.
“Right.” Sayaka replied with a smile, and while shifting her hand to cup the side of my face, “Not everybody would have remembered a small detail like that. But you did, Madoka! And that's just one of the many ways that you're so very special to me.”
I tensed up a bit here, as I wasn't sure if my heart was prepared for the compliments that Sayaka was now raining romantically on me.
“Anyway, I think that now would be a good time for me to say some of those things to you.” Sayaka continued, “Because as charming as I find your modesty to be, I also want you to feel better about yourself. That's actually part of the reason I called you a cutie-pie when you were feeling jealous over Hitomi receiving a love letter a little over a week ago.”
“That did make me feel better about myself, to be honest about it...” I interjected in a low tone.
“I'm very glad to hear that.” Sayaka said, “The truth is, Madoka, that I've admired you a lot for a long time now.”
“Eh?” I asked, a bit surprised by this revelation.
“You probably don't see this yourself, but everybody at school likes you.” Sayaka replied, “That's because you're so patient, caring, and kind. I've almost never seen you get truly upset with someone, and you always want to reach out to people in need. Seeing my best friend be like that made me want even more to be that kind of good person myself.”
“Y-You are a very good person!” I exclaimed in reply, “You're very brave and you always try to solve everybody's problems!”
“Thank you.” Sayaka replied warmly, “But I lack your patience, and your peacemaking spirit. That's something about you that I've always wanted to emulate, but I just can't find it in myself to be that way. A good example of this is the different ways that you and I each reacted to Homura. I just couldn't find it in myself to give her the benefit of the doubt like you did. She just seemed too... bizarre and untrustworthy to me.”
Sayaka then paused briefly before continuing.
“But you were probably right to give her the benefit of the doubt.” Sayaka continued, “She hasn't caused us any problems in awhile, and she did save the lives of you, Mami, and I. You... you are so very beautiful, Madoka. Both in your physical appearance, but also when it comes to the person you are on the inside. That's why the thought of anybody ever hurting you causes me great rage. I only hope that I can overcome my own faults to be a fitting girlfriend for you.”
Sayaka then leaned forward, while wrapping her arms around me again, and nestling her head next to mine once more. The compliments Sayaka had made to me left me feeling very warm and deeply loved. It caused tears of joy to rush to my eyes.
“There's nothing you need to worry about.” I replied to her, as I wrapped my arms around her in turn, “I've always admired you, Sayaka. For being so brave, heroic, and strong! You've protected me from bullies on more than just one occasion, and I'll always be thankful for that. I... I hope that you'll continue to always be the comforter and protector in my life...”
Sayaka and I then partially released each other from our embrace. Sayaka and I looked into each other's eyes with such intense and passionate love. No more words were necessary. We both knew what should happen next.
We then kissed, with such intoxicating and enrapturing desire taking hold of our hearts and innermost thoughts. As we kissed, her hands so quickly yet smoothly caressed my arms, shoulders, and back. My hands were a bit more frenzied as I tried to properly reply to Sayaka's physical display of love. I wanted this beautifully blissful breathtaking moment to last forever. Unfortunately, it would soon be interrupted, and in a way that Sayaka and I both dreaded...
While caught up in our kiss, Sayaka and I had not noticed that someone had entered her home through the front door. Nor did we hear the shuffling off of shoes, and the loud masculine sigh.
But what we did notice was the presence of somebody else in the room once he walked in on Sayaka and I. But by the time we noticed that presence, it was too late. Sayaka and I had already been caught kissing and embracing each other. And the person who caught us like that is an important person in Sayaka's life.
My eyes went wide in shock, and Sayaka's eyes went wide in great concern, as we looked sideways at the man that was now in the room with us. Sayaka and I were still holding each other in a tight embrace while we looked at him. .
“D-Dad!” Sayaka exclaimed at the sight of her father.
Kotetsu Miki had seen his daughter and I kissing each other. My heart skipped a beat at the thought of what might happen next...
Mami Lives, Madoka Stands Alone Chain
[Cont'd in next post]
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-31 at 06:11.
|2012-03-26, 11:36||Link #164|
Mami Lives Chapter 7
Mami Lives, Madoka Stands Alone Chain
Kyubey's words were weighing heavily on my mind as I drifted to sleep on Monday evening.
But I decided that I shouldn't make any rash changes in my decision, so I told Kyubey that I needed at least a few days to think more about my decision to not contract with him. This was probably a wise decision, as Tuesday would prove to be more eventful than Monday had been.
On Tuesday morning, at the usual spot where Sayaka, Hitomi, and I meet for school day mornings, I shouted out to them. They both shouted 'Hi!' to me in turn, and we all made our way to school.
If you chose A for MS Opportunity Choice 1, read section More Upbeat Sayaka. Otherwise, skip over it.
Spoiler for More Upbeat Sayaka:
There was a buzz all throughout our class due to the return of Kyousuke Kamijo from the hospital. During the morning, Sayaka spent a lot of time talking with Kamijo, and joking around with him.
During lunch break, at our usual spot on the pure white rooftop of the school, I talked to Sayaka about that.
“It looks like things are going well between you and Kamijo.” I said cheerfully to Sayaka.
“Yes, they thankfully are.” Sayaka replied, “It looks like Mami's advice might pay off!”
“What advice did she give you, by the way?” I asked.
“Mami suggested that right after I wish for Kamijo's hand to be healed, I should go into his hospital room.” Sayaka began in explanation, “Mami said that I should then ask him if I could perform a special healing ritual I recently learned about, in order to try to heal his hand. I decided to follow Mami's suggestion.”
“What happened then?” I asked.
“Kamijo was initially very skeptical of the idea, but after some gentle prodding from me, he conceded to it.” Sayaka answered, “I guess that he realized that there would at least be no harm in me performing that ritual. For this fake ritual, I took hold of Kamijo's hand with both of mine, and did some Latin chanting. Once I was finished, Kamijo was completely floored to find that his hand was now healed!”
“Interesting...” I said, “So Mami's idea should ensure that Kamijo will be thankful to you for healing his hand, while still keeping the world of magical girls and witches hidden from him.”
“Right.” Sayaka replied, “I'm pretty sure Kyousuke thinks that it might all just be a coincidence that his hand was healed around the same time as I performed the fake ritual on it, but just in case it isn't a coincidence, he has shown me a lot of thanks.”
“That's great, Sayaka!” I exclaimed enthusiastically to her, “Do you think this will enable things to work out between Kamijo and you?”
“I certainly hope it will.” Sayaka answered, “But I think I want to take things slowly for now.”
If you chose A for MS Opportunity Choice 1, read section Painful Recent Memories. Otherwise, skip over it.
Spoiler for Painful Recent Memories:
“Anyway...” Sayaka continued, after a brief pause, “Mami and I know that you've been left a lot on your own lately, so we thought it might be a good idea if the three of us and Hitomi all did something fun for the weekend!”
“Oh, all four of us?” I asked Sayaka.
“Hitomi hasn't been properly introduced to Mami yet.” Sayaka replied, “But I was hoping that we could do that tomorrow after school. Then if Mami and Hitomi get along with each other, I was thinking that we could have a Friday night sleepover for all four of us at Mami's place!”
“That's a great idea!” I shouted in enthusiastic reply, “Sure, I'd love that.”
“I'm glad you agree.” Sayaka replied, “Well, that's what we'll do tomorrow then! Let's get heading back to class.”
“Right!” I responded cheerfully.
It seemed like my recent loneliness would be alleviated soon.
If you chose B for MH Opportunity Choice 1, read Section And Then There's Homura. Otherwise skip over it.
Spoiler for And Then There's Homura:
I was glad that I had resisted the temptation to become a Puella Magi last night. For the time being, I simply hoped that Sayaka could gain a good boyfriend in Kamijo, and that Mami and Hitomi could end up being friends with one another.
But little did I know then of a major wrench that Kyubey would throw into the works...
It was now Tuesday night. I was lying on my large, plump bed with several bluish-green blankets and a wide assortment of pillows. I had spent most of the last half-hour crying, unable to focus on my studies.
Oh what is going to become of me?!
I loved Kyousuke Kamijo, but so did one of my best friends, Sayaka. I hated the thought of stealing him away from her, but at the same time it hurt my heart to see her grow so close to the man that I loved. I had intended to reveal today the secret I had been keeping from Sayaka and Madoka. But given how close Kyousuke and Sayaka had acted in class throughout the day, I no longer felt like I had any chance at all with him.
Why can't I accept that? Why can't I accept the happiness of one of my best friends? I should be happy for her, but here I am lost in despair... Oh, how I wish that Kyousuke would love me instead!
As this thought crossed my mind, I saw a strangely shaped shadow appear on the bedroom wall closest to my head. The shadow seemed to be one coming from a small animal, like a cat or a dog. But the voice that I now heard in my head spoke clear Japanese!
'Hello, Hitomi Shizuki!' this voice said to me.
In great shock, I turned about on my bed, to determine where this voice might be coming from.
There, standing in front of my bedroom door, was an odd, white cat-like creature that seemed to have ears growing out of his ears!
“My name is Kyubey.” he said to me, this time out loud.
'I... I must be hallucinating again.' I thought to myself, trying to ignore this creature and the voice that came from him, 'This must be just like that collective hallucination that I was caught up in last Thursday night. Am I going crazy?! Have my jealous feelings broken my sanity completely?!'
“No, your sanity is intact.” this Kyubey said to me, “And I'm not a hallucination. I'm real! I'll prove it to you.”
Kyubey than leaped up on to my bed, and started rubbing his body against my legs.
“See?” he asked, “You can feel me, right? So I'm real!”
I was initially in complete disbelief over this creature being real, but now I had to at least consider the possibility that he is real.
“If you're real...” I began, “Then what exactly are you?”
“I'm a simple contractor.” he replied, “I contract with teenage girls, granting them any one wish in return for them agreeing to become magical girls!”
“What do you need with magical girls?” I asked.
“Magical girls fight witches.” Kyubey answered, “Witches like the one that threatened you and a small crowd of people last Thursday night! If magical girls are born from wishes, then witches are born from curses. If magical girls spread hope, then witches scatter despair. Made all the more horrible in that normal humans can't see them, even as they attack humans, just like one attacked you! Witches consume humans with rage and hatred. They sow the seeds of catastrophe throughout the world.”
“That's... that's horrible!” I exclaimed in horror and disbelief.
“Would you like to have the power to fight against that horror, Hitomi Shizuki?” Kyubey asked me, “Would you like to ensure that you can defend yourself the next time you face a witch? If you agree to it, then you will be given great magical power as a magical girl, and you will also gain your heart's desire in the form of any one wish!”
As unbelievable as this all seemed, Kyubey's words were oddly compelling to me. And truth be told, I did have one specific wish... a wish that was truly my heart's desire.
“No...” I replied after a lengthy pause, “I couldn't do that to my friend Sayaka. It just wouldn't be right.”
“Your friend Sayaka Miki?” Kyubey asked, “The same Sayaka Miki that kept the world of magical girls and familiars a secret from you? The same Sayaka Miki that has already made a wish to me in order to gain an advantage over you in your respective pursuits of Kyousuke Kamijo?”
“...What wish did Sayaka make to you?” I asked.
“How do you suppose Kyousuke Kamijo's hand was healed?” Kyubey answered with a question of his own, while his eyes were closed.
That question made everything clear to me. It now all made sense to me! Yes, all of this was truly real! And Sayaka... Sayaka had made use of an unfair advantage she had over me! Well, if that's the case...
“...Very well.” I said, after a tense pause, and frowning in anger over the thought of Sayaka betraying our friendship, “I will become a magical girl! And I do have a wish!”
“Excellent!” Kyubey exclaimed in reply, as his beady red eyes grew larger in excitement, “With what wish would your Soul Gem shine?”
“I wish...” I began in uneasy reply, as it took a moment for me to quash the one lingering bit of hesitation that lay within my heart, “I wish for Kyousuke Kamijo to fall in love with me!”
And then it happened. Then I became a Puella Magi!
To Be Continued...
Couple short notes.
One: Green indicates the beginning of Hitomi Shizuki narration and a 1st person perspective from Hitomi.
Two: I've renamed S Opportunity Choice 1 into MS Opportunity Choice 1, to better reflect that it's in a Mami Lives Chain (and also since S Opportunity Choices may be showing up in non-Mami Lives chains soon).
That should be it! Hope everybody enjoys this update.
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-03-29 at 00:20.
|2012-03-26, 17:45||Link #165|
Unlimited Flag Works!
Hey there Triple R! I know I'm late but and I'm going through many personal home issues that I can't seem to brush off and it throws off my tempo into giving you my feedback on your updates.
Enough excuses it's time get to work before I really lose my groove.
As as they say "Dwarven Vow #41": It's better to begin in the evening than to not begin at all!
As for the latest canon route we're now at the dramatic revelation point about the Magical Girl system and the truth that puts the chosen Magical Girls doubts, fears and concerns about their new life into play here.
Kyubey's true colors come into fruition and Madoka is now at the breaking point of helplessness, worries, and panic because her best friend is becoming someone different and is deep in a world that will forever change her after knowing the dark "truth" of it.
As Madoka's fears of the safety of her best friend, the conflicts between Sayaka and Kyouko, and one of the shocking "truths" of being a Magical Girl fall into place, it shows that the lives of the 4 girls will never be the same and things are about to go haywire.
Spoiler for Current Canon Thoughts!:
The Alliance Section was pretty interesting and it looks like Sayaka met a few peers of her own considering that she's a sword wielder Magical Girl with chivalry and she seems to admire the Crimson Knights for it, which was cool. It was cool, funny, and cute in some areas. Great work, I really liked it.
Spoiler for Score:
I'll be writing the current Mami & Sayaka Romance Chains pretty shortly. Keep up the great work as always, you rock!!
Last edited by Kirito; 2012-03-29 at 19:35.
|2012-03-28, 11:30||Link #166|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
I'm going to be a bit sillier with names this time around. So, for one update only, please bear with me as I engage in some nautical naming nonsense...
For starters, Mami Romance, or as it will be called in this reply...
Spoiler for Mostly Mirthful Maritime:
Up next is Sayaka Romance, or as it'll be called here...
Spoiler for Somewhat Smooth Sailing:
Finishing things off, we have Madoka Stands Alone... or perhaps more appropriately...
Spoiler for Hopelessly Horrible Hurricane:
Anyway, this was quite a trip, with several unexpected twists and turns. Luckily only one major iceberg has hit so far, though there are a few more on the horizon for the next ML update. Quite curious as to how these are going to turn out.
(For the record, the "mostly" and "somewhat" have absolutely nothing to do with quality.)
|2012-03-31, 02:54||Link #167|
Join Date: Nov 2007
I like Kogetsu's new names. Hopelessly Horrible Hurricane, lol.
Speaking of things that are hopelessly horrible, it's been way too long since I posted anything. D:
Sorry, Madoka. Things have been pretty tiring. I've spent the past two days reading the story during class, though (I just finished all my work for this semester), so I will now try to redeem myself by reviewing.
Okay, picking up from where I left off, the Canon Route Chapter 12. It was nice to read about Madoka's small confrontation with Sayaka in episode six; their relationship might have been a few thousand leagues more pleasant than what it would decay into come episode eight, but Sayaka was indeed a bit unsettling there. 'She seemed to be going into a very dark place' was a nice way to put it. It will be interesting seeing you depict Sayaka's downward spiral; her behavior might have been worrisome in 6, but she becomes outright disturbing in 7 and creeped me the fuck out in 8. The first time I watched Madoka, my heart actually skipped a beat when she did that creepy Exorcist-style head turn at the start after tossing Kyoko the Soul Gem. This is putting me in the mood to watch Madoka again, the show has such a wonderful sense of atmosphere. Madoka's right when she thinks to herself that she might be pushing her luck too much with Sayaka; she pushed so hard that she was starting to creep into nagging territory. I was thinking 'Damn Madoka, you're going to get on her nerves if you don't stop', though thankfully things turned out okay. The Walpurgis Night battle was nicely-written, Kimidori should make an anime cutscene of the battle for the Visual Novel while she's at it. (kidding, I know that's too much work) How does Madoka remind Homura of Junko, out of curiosity?
The 'Making Amends' segment was also an interesting variation of that scene. It was a bit more bitter than I expected from such a pleasant sounding name; I laughed at Madoka's slightly puzzled 'I thought you wanted to make amends?', since that was exactly what I thought after she told Madoka to butt out. Though she's of course much kinder to Madoka here than she is in episode 8, her basic tactics are the same in that she's controlling and tries to verbally browbeat Madoka into seeing things her way. It's a strategy that works, I can see why Madoka would give up, thinking she couldn't press the subject without straining their friendship because Sayaka isn't open to reason or discussion here.
The next episode of the Sayaka/Homura alliance was a nice read. The idea of the puella magi team being chased around the school by robots is very cool; this story arc would make such a badass movie, the balls-to-the-walls action reminds me of Shakugan no Shana III. Go make a two hour long fan anime, Kimidori. (loljkjk) Sol's note of Madoka being the tank of the party is interesting. That's true, and it's a surprisingly masculine role for someone that's usually so dainty and feminine. Though, Madoka did show very slight shades of tomboy here and there... (I thought the 'Okiroooo~' whenever she jerks her mother's covers off in the first episode was almost tomboyishly rowdy)
Though that entry of the Jinnai arc might have been too short, I can't say that I was unhappy about moving about moving on to the cutest girl-girl relationship in the world. <3 (Well, except maybe Madoka and Sayaka) Hmm... Kyouko used to be friends with Mami? I didn't know that; I know that Kyouko makes reference to Mami once, but I just figured that she was a famous puella magi that made a name for herself. Is their friendship covered in one of the mangas or something? I doubt their friendship was ever as nice as the Madoka-Mami romance, though - Madoka letting her have the window view was sweet. Such a heartwarming person, I wish I had Madoka for a girlfriend. (Well, a version that isn't 14 years old, anyhow.)
You did a nice job describing the beach house, it sounds very homey and comfortable and was easy to visualize (And that's speaking as someone with Dyspraxia that often has trouble picturing things I read). Hehe, Morning Rescue... it took me a few moments to recognize that. My first thought was 'Morning Rescue... wasn't that the drink that came with Lunchables when I was a kid?' ... but no, that's Capri Sun. ^^; That commercial ruled. I agree with Deikan, Madoka's jealousy is cute, though that's not much a surprise considering that Madoka and Mami both have PhDs in cute. "I won't do anything that undermines the purpose of showers." Hehe. The idea of Madoka and Mami playing in a few rounds of volleyball together is a lot of fun, that's the sort of thing I'd love seeing animated in an anime or somesuch; I wonder if Madoka's peacemaking nature applies to sports, or if she's able to shove that aside and just enjoy a nice game. The idea of a match pitting Haruka and Michiru vs. Madoka and Mami is also very neat, the sort of thing I would have enjoyed seeing expanded upon because those are sure to be some very interesting character dynamics; Haruka doted and even seemed to crush on Usagi, who was similar to Madoka in some respects (Though she's somewhat more of a bitchy teenager than the completely purehearted Madoka). I'm not sure how Haruka and Michiru are still in good enough shape to win 2061 volleyball tournament, though, considering that they were teenagers in the early 1990s. >__> Maybe they wished for eternal youth so they could spend eternity together.
Moving on the witch battle, the mental image of the witch sailing across a sea of blood is incredibly cool. Madoka just sounds like she's in awe of the witch ("Wow!") rather than frightened, interestingly enough. I would have gone for choice M4A because it sounds far more interesting on the surface, responding in a way that would make Mami feel like the most special girl in the world while also making Homura want to take out one of her guns and blow her brains out, but M4B was actually more interesting and emotionally charged. I had a big smile on my face the whole time I was reading this, and it was around this point that I realized just how much the original material is starting to overshadow the canon route. Delicious drama.
That wraps up the Mami Lives route for now, so time to leave Dramaville for now and return to Stable Romanceville with Sayaka. The picture of Madoka and Sayaka sounds nice... I think it would be a nice touch for that picture to be featured in the game, to appear sometimes whenever it's mentioned. There's a slight mistake in Bitter Melancholy whenever Homura discloses her wish; Homura wished to go back in time because Madoka died against Walpurgis Night. Madoka doesn't become a witch until the second timeline. This ending is a very painful and bitter one for Homura; the jealousy she feels towards the love Madoka shows Homura is a very cold thing to experience, and then she feels responsible for Sayaka's death and avoids Madoka because of the guilt. That's not much kinder than the original anime's ending (Which did leave me with an empty, bittersweet feeling in the pit of my stomach; after everything Homura went through for Madoka, she sure wasn't rewarded with much).
Canon Route 13... hm, I can't tell if Homura's being sincere with her parting words in 'A Startling Meeting' or if she's simply attempting to manipulate Sayaka. I went with Choice 13B, though 13A turned out the more interesting. A relationship between Madoka and Saki also sounds like a very cute and tender one, and I liked Hisa claiming that Madoka's power was her puppy dog eyes. The two bullet idea was clever, I really liked Homura's strategy and methodology here.
The Sayaka/Homura alliance (Which I'm not sure is a completely fitting name considering how said alliance hasn't exactly been the main focus of this story arc) has become very interesting with the most recent addition. This seriously would make a great movie. The idea of Kyouko leading an underground rebellion is very cool (Particularly since Crimson Knights is a badass name), and the newest plot twist is fascinating... Hitler's presence in the 1950s felt very surreal. Can't wait to see where the story goes from here.
Yes, more Papa screentime in Mami Lives 7! I'm in agreement with Kogetsu in that his analogy comparing humans to plants was very nice. Madoka and Papa Kaname have an interesting dynamic because their relationship is more traditionally parent/child than that which Madoka shares with Junko, and he's a very warm and calming presence. Sayaka's mention of comforting Mami the night before made me realize just how nice it is to see the cast interact as normal high school girls. I do love all these characters, so it's nice to see them get more intimate and personal with each other than they were given the chance to in the series proper. And Madoka actually made me laugh with her awkward cluelessness during her talk with Sayaka over the phone. It reminded me of her insistence that Sayaka's fight to the death with Kyouko was an 'argument'; that's an interesting nuance of Madoka's character, her innocence and rose-colored glasses mean that sometimes she fails to properly grasp the gravity of a situation, which in certain contexts can actually make her seem insensitive despite being such a caring person.
Kyouko's interactions with Madoka made for a good read. I aww'd at Kyouko mentioning that Mami talked glowingly about Madoka to her. I've always thought they had an interesting dynamic as the embodiments of purity and innocence vs. bitter cynicism, and enjoyed seeing them work together in episode 9. I lol'd at Dog Drug Revolution supposedly being her main reason for coming... I hope that I'll be able to play it come 2061. I'll only turn 74 that year after all, I might still be young enough for a round here or there. "Sorry that I couldn't!" was a really cute play off what Kyouko said right before. I look forward to seeing more Mami and Kyouko, their terse exchange before parting ways was great.
As for Chocolatey Confessions... uh... wow. I have to admit, it seriously threw me for a loop that Madoka gave any serious consideration to Homura's confession, or that she entertained the possibility that there was any proper answer besides 'Sorry, I'm in a relationship.' Geez, Madoka... even Makoto Freaking Itou rebuked Sekai the first time she threw herself at him because he was dating Kotonoha. I'm starting to think the girl couldn't be faithful if her life depended on it. That's hot, sluts are the best cruel, you shouldn't have doubts about a girl you've already had sex with. And then, once she comes home to Mami, she... eats the chocolate Homura gave her... right next to her girlfriend... while thinking about cheating on her with the girl who gave her said chocolates... uhhh. If I counted the ways in which this is fucked up, it would take me longer than reciting the first 10,000 digits of pi. All I have to say is that if you end up making someone turn yandere on you, Madoka, you pretty much asked for it.
Moving on to the girl that doesn't seem destined to have her heart broken (Yet), I loved this newest entry to the Madoka/Sayaka route. It's interesting... despite being her senpai, Madoka and Mami seem to have a very equal relationship; wheras with Madoka and Sayaka, close childhood friends, Sayaka has a bit of a dominant edge (Sayaka calling Madoka a cutie pie to instill some confidence in her seems like something that a older person - a teacher, or a friend a few years their senior - might do to help out a timid younger person they feel very protective and doting towards). I absolutely love the Madoka-Sayaka relationship so far; Sayaka's immense admiration of Madoka and her strong desire to protect her makes for a great romance. Sayaka's homophobic dad better not ruin that. :[ And aww, bentos are out of style? Sad times. I wonder if they're actually so popular in modern day, 2012 Japan as anime makes them out to be...
And moving on to the very final update as of now... whoa, that's one hell of a plot twist. Throwing Hitomi into the mix as a puella magi... very interesting. That's a really nice picture of her, too. The method used to heal Kamijou's hand while granting Sayaka her due credit was clever, I liked it. It's nice that Sayaka's feeling better about Madoka's rejection thanks to the improving situation with Kamijou, but honestly she has such a deep and beautiful relationship with Madoka that it's hard to imagine her feelings for the violin player could rival those she feels for Madoka... feels like she's settling for a bit of consolation prize here.
And so ends my tl;dr thoughts.
|2012-04-01, 23:56||Link #168|
Given the length and quality of recent reader reviews, and given how much time simply writing this fanfic is taking up, I'm afraid I won't be able to give detailed point-by-point replies to future reviews (or the most recent ones). So if there's any specific question you'd like to ask about a fanfic element, please PM it to me. There are a few general points I'll make here, though:
1. I'm really glad that Sayaka/Madoka is coming off well in Mami Lives right now, especially going by what Deikan and Dr. Casey recently wrote. The fact that Dr. Casey now finds it hard to believe that Sayaka would be happy with Kyousuke given the strength of Sayaka/Madoka really does say a lot I think.
I had been worried that Sayaka/Madoka might seem too sappy at this juncture, so I'm quite happy that the charming romance I personally envision with it is coming through well.
2. Trying to balance heartwarming romance moments (and happy moments in general) with good, intense drama is one of the bigger challenges for me with this fanfic. Recent constructive criticism shows where I can sometimes go too far one way (Sayaka handling Madoka's decision to become a magical girl in Mami Lives, Sayaka Romance a bit better than perhaps she should have), or the other (perhaps making Madoka seem less faithful than even Makoto Itou in some narrative branches ). I will continue to do my best to strike a reasonable balance here, but I will occasionally be off. But if I do err too much one way or the other, I welcome further constructive criticism there.
3. Coldlight, one of these days I'm going to sit down and carefully go over your more detailed editing suggestions that I have not yet gone along with (such as the ones you recently made for Kyouko in the Canon Route). But I do intend to put those off until after the completion of the entire fanfic, if that's Ok with you. After all, the main thing (even to me) is Kimidori's final completion of the actual VN of this. I hope for that VN to be the true, final, entirely polished version of this fanfic narrative. The vast majority of this fanfic won't change, but some bits and pieces, and sections here and there might be polished up a bit for the completed VN (which I expect to be several months away, since I know it's a lot of work for Kimidori - work that I thank him greatly for).
4. To all of you, Kogetsu especially, thanks for the great, detailed reviews that are consistently of a mostly (if not entirely) positive nature.
Those replies are invaluable to me, and I ask readers to please keep them coming. In fact, I have to admit that some of my hesitation in furthering things along lately is uncertainty over how recent updates have been received by some of my more dedicated readers. I'm now going to make some general statements pertaining to that, as well as a request for some specific "fanfic-wide" feedback.
This fanfic project has always been something of an experiment, and many of the narrative branches and special ends I've chosen to go with are smaller experiments within the wider experiment.
Right now, I have to admit that I find myself a bit overcome by the growing complexity of it. There are now (or at least will soon be) routes within chains within chains.
I fear that this fanfic might be losing a certain "fun factor" to it, perhaps as its overwhelmed by increasing complexity for my readers as well.
With this in mind, there's a major course change I'd like to take - Something that I think will please Deikan at least, but I'd like to get everybody's take on it. I'd like to go straight through the rest of Mami Lives now before continuing on with the Canon and Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chains. Reasons in Spoiler Space below.
Spoiler for Why I'd Like to go Straight Through Mami Lives:
So, the big question is this: Would readers here be Ok with me bringing the big Mami Lives branch to its conclusion before I continue on with the Canon Chain? I think if I do this, I can have Mami Lives completed within two weeks.
Some other specific questions:
A. Are people growing impatient for Madoka/Homura? That is the canon pairing, of course. If people are growing impatient for that, I can speed things up a bit.
B. There will be just one Madoka/Mami romance, and just one Madoka/Kyouko romance. But there will likely be multiple Madoka/Sayaka and Madoka/Homura romances. My thinking is that I'll make the Madoka/Sayaka romance on the Mami Lives side the 'main' Madoka/Sayaka romance, and the Madoka/Homura romance on the Mami Dies side the 'main' Madoka/Homura romance (and the "True Route" ending as well). Is this Ok with my readers?
Well, that's all for now!
I'd like to hear back from all of the people reading this fanfic on these questions. Even if you've never commented on it before, or even if you haven't commented in several weeks or even months.
I want this fanfic to be as pleasing to as many Madoka Magica fans as possible.
If most people are Ok with me writing Mami Lives straight to the end, the next update on this fanfic will be a Mami Lives one.
Otherwise it'll be Canon Chapter 14.
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-04-02 at 00:14.
|2012-04-02, 16:06||Link #169|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Oh, just to clarify (In response to your second point), what I said about the Chocolatey Confessions scene wasn't meant as criticism. My disapproval of what Madoka is doing was mostly just for comic effect, she's definitely getting herself into some potential hot water but her uncertainty and sense of confliction is understandable. I think Madoka's actions seem perfectly in-character here, and don't find anything wrong with the scenario in the least. I think one of the strong points of your story is balance, actually, you cover all your bases and justify perfectly well things that would normally be uncharacteristic (Like Madoka three-timing all her best friends in Endless Love).
To answer your questions, it's perfectly fine with me to just focus on Mami Lives for the time being; the fact that it would be easier and less headache-inducing for you is of course a good thing, and the route has been getting extremely interesting recently. Naw, I'm not getting impatient for Madoka/Homura; it has a lot of potential for a great romance, but I enjoy all the story arcs and romances equally well, so there's no rush to focus on any one particular thing, and the Mami Lives route does interject some amount of Homura romance to sate the appetite, even if it's not acted upon. And the structure you mention in B sounds good; I'm definitely not going to complain about having the much-loved MadoSaya (And the sure to be equally beautiful MadoHomu) in two separate routes.
|2012-04-02, 23:12||Link #170|
Unlimited Flag Works!
After going through many distractions I'm finally ready to write my review on this latest Mami Lives and Sayaka Romance chapters. I got some ClariS playing on RoP and I'm raring to go.
Let's get this started:
Current Madoka x Mami Scenario:
Great scenarios Triple R. There were plenty of twists and turns, lots of cute moments, and unsettling events that left me hooked and had me wanting to know more. As always you never fail to disappoint with these scenarios and the pacing of the romance between Madoka and the other girls.
I'm truly impressed with the father and daughter moment in this scenario. It shows that even though Madoka is growing up and making her own decisions, her father is always watching her and is willing to show his support the best way he can. I can't help but think that he's also starting to see Mami as part of the family because she's important to Madoka and he looked genuinely concerned when he found out that Mami lives by herself due to her parents passing. It's no surprise where Madoka gets her sweet and gentle nature from since the father and daughter are pretty much alike.
Spoiler for Madoka's Feelings:
Spoiler for Meeting Kyouko:
Spoiler for Homura's Boldness:
The funeral part was great and it shows some of the regrets Madoka and Sayaka share and how she's still adjusting to her new life as a Magical Girl.
The relationship and the confusion to ones soul was described perfectly. It was totally believable and it made the reading more interesting and elegant. Great job as always on the Mami scenarios, can't wait to see what you have in store next.
Current Madoka x Sayaka Romance Scenario:
It's nice to see Hitomi accepting the relationship between Madoka and Sayaka...which is weird. Call me a pessimist but to me it does.
This chapter pretty much covers Sayaka's admiration for Madoka's pure, honest, and kind personality while for Madoka it's respect for Sayaka's brave, easy-going, and protective nature. The bento part was pretty cute and funny considering that during their time giving your lover or friend a boxed lunch is considering old fashioned, so to speak.
Looks like Sayaka can focus 100% of her love on Madoka since Hitomi will be dating Kamijou. I wonder if this will be enough to "kill" her feelings for Kamijou...completely, sorry I still have my doubts. The relationship between the two is becoming more intense to the point of near intimacy due to them sharing their honest thoughts and the comfort of each others support and care.
The sudden surprise of Sayaka's father catching them kissing and hugging each other was a twist because now that one of her parent's found out, I wonder how their relationship will be handled from this point and out. It's understandable because her parents hate that relationship and seeing one's daughter kissing and hugging a member of the same sex, things will possibly get messy, and it'll be interesting to see how Sayaka and Madoka are going to handle the situation and stand for what they've built over a short period of time. I can't help but think that rat is watching this...somewhere, ready to make his move. A hint of foreshadow...who knows "shrugs shoulders".
Once again great work on the pace of the romance between Madoka and Sayaka. I really liked the way the two shared their honest thoughts about each other and pointed out how they wished to become the latter. It's clear that they've become closer and stronger now and you've done a great job on emphasizing that. The surprise with the father, things will get interesting. Hats off to you, you've created another winner again, congrats .
Mami Lives, Madoka Stands Alone Scenario:
It's interesting to see Hitomi perspective on things considering that she plays the role of the best friend and the "foil" to say the least. Now that Sayaka is going to date Kamijou at this point she pretty much is in agony due to the fact that she's in love with him and hates him being close to another woman even if it's her best friend.
Adding Kyubey to the mix is really adding fuel to the fire considering that since he's always watching Madoka, he'll do whatever it takes to get her into a contract, even if he uses one of her friends. Now that Hitomi's aware of the world of Magical Girl's and the circumstances of Kamijou's hand being healed, she'll definitely use the opportunity that Kyubey's giving her to take what she thinks is hers. It shows that Hitomi is willing to take Kamijou even if it means betraying her friends and even getting physical with them.
Amazing scenario because we have a chance to hear Hitomi's thoughts and to gives us an insight on what her character truly is. It's clear that her love for Kamijou runs deep and she'll even sell her soul to the devil just to get what she wants even if it means hurting the person she can call a friend. I don't hate Hitomi like most people do, but in the anime her actions did piss me off...Okay, I hate her...just a little. Just being honest.
Great job on this scenario and adding Kyubey really adds the suspense to the scene. Good job at making my heart pound during that read...you're amazing!!
Spoiler for Pros:
Spoiler for Cons:
Spoiler for Thoughts on Previous Post:
I truly enjoyed these scenarios. Keep up the phenomenal work Triple R and I can't wait to see want you have in store next. Take your time I'll be waiting!!
Last edited by Kirito; 2012-04-03 at 11:02.
|2012-04-04, 01:09||Link #171|
Mami Lives Chapter 8
Mami Romance Chain
“You better hurry up, Madoka, or you're going to be late!”
That's what my mama shouts to me as she leaves for work. She probably noticed how slowly I was eating my breakfast. I have to admit that I've been lost in thought most of the morning.
If you Chose A for Choice M4, read Section Helping Homura Heal.
If you Chose B for Choice M4, read Section Decidedly Divided Deep Passions.
Spoiler for Helping Homura Heal:
Spoiler for Decidedly Divided Deep Passions:
On the way to school, I met up with Sayaka. The weather was nice and sunny with only a few clouds in the sky, but it was also a bit chilly out.
Sayaka and I chatted a bit about what each of us we did on Sunday. After Sayaka talked a bit about how her visit to Kamijo's place, she asked me about my visit to Mami's.
If you Chose A for Choice M4, read Section Talking About the DDR Star.
If you Chose B for Choice M4, read Section Talking About Chocolatey Goodness.
Spoiler for Talking About the DDR Star:
Spoiler for Talking About Chocolatey Goodness:
The school day seemed to speed by, probably since it was easy to get lost in my schoolwork. It had been hard these past two weeks to focus on that due to how my life had been turned upside-down by the world of magical girls and witches, not to mention my romance with Mami, and the sad passing of my good friend Hitomi.
So what I desired most now was for my life to become more manageable and stable. So that spurred me on to be decisive today. Such decisiveness would be needed when I met Homura on the pure white rooftop after school.
If you Chose A for Choice M4, read Section A Plea For Friendship.
If you Chose B for Choice M4, read Section The Ultimate Romantic Decision.
Spoiler for A Plea For Friendship:
Spoiler for The Ultimate Romantic Decision:
And so I was now leaving the school, to go meet Mami at a nearby restaurant. I had a lot to talk to her about! Today was proving to be a changing day in my life! I only hope that I had made the right decisions this day.
Sayaka Romance Chain
“Man, this just isn't my day.”
Those were the first words out of Kotetsu Miki's mouth after seeing his daughter and I kissing each other. It was a milder response than Sayaka or I had expected!
Kotetsu is a tall and thin man in his 40s, and he also keeps himself in very good shape, as he exercises a lot. Right now he's wearing a green shirt with a white vest on top of it. His hair is short and black but spikes out a bit on the sides. Perhaps his most noticeable feature is his finely groomed goatee, that includes no moustache and looks like two matching bat symbols on his chin!
Mr. Miki is usually in a gregarious, upbeat mood with a real vitality to him. But right now, his shoulders were hunched over, and he seemed to be very depressed. It was almost enough to make Sayaka and I forget about the main issue right now!
“I-I can explain!” Sayaka shouted, as she quickly rose to her feet after her and I pulled ourselves apart.
“What's there to explain?” Mr. Miki asked in reply, as he went to the fridge to grab something to drink, “I think it's pretty obvious, don't you?”
“...You're not mad?” Sayaka asked, surprised by her father's nonchalant response to seeing her and I kiss each other.
“The situation between you and Madoka isn't the worst news I've gotten today, that's for sure.” Mr. Miki said, as he returned to the living room holding a glass of strong sake.
“It adds on to the earful your mother is probably going to give me later today, that's about it's only immediate impact on me.” he continued, while he slouched down into a chair opposite from the couch where Sayaka and I had been sitting.
Mr. Miki then downed his glass of sake in one huge gulp, leaving both Sayaka and I a bit worried.
“What's the worst news you've received today?” Sayaka asked, genuinely concerned about her father.
“I've been laid off from work, Sayaka.” he answered, “Your mother is going to be in for two nasty surprises when she gets home.”
I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty now. It angered me a bit that Sayaka's parents might not accept her and I being girlfriends together, but at the same time I didn't like how Sayaka and I might inadvertently cause Mr. Miki's already bad day to get worst.
As Sayaka and I glanced back and forth at each other, I could tell by the look on her face and in her eyes that she felt the same way that I did here.
“Do you have to tell mom about it?” Sayaka asked, “I mean, you losing your job is the most important thing right now!”
“I'd rather your mother hear about it from me than have to find out about it the way I just did.” Mr. Miki replied.
Mr. Miki then turned his attention to me.
“Madoka.” he began, while looking towards me.
“Y-Yes?” I asked nervously.
“Look, don't worry.” he said, “I'm not mad with you or anything like that. You've been Sayaka's best friend for a long time now, and I'm grateful for that. If it was up to just me, I'd probably roll with it, you know? But Nanami... she's probably not going to take it well.”
Nanami was the name of Sayaka's mom. It's true that Nanami was very... traditionalist in her views. She had also been strongly supportive of the idea of Sayaka ending up with Kamijo, as she admired Kamijo and his family a great deal. I had always gotten on pretty well with both of Sayaka's parents, but I doubt that would be the same after today.
“Please don't tell her, dad!” Sayaka pleaded once more to her father.
“Now, come on, Sayaka, don't you think your own mother deserves to know this?” Mr. Miki replied, “I hope you don't plan to lie about it when I tell her!”
“No, I won't lie about it.” Sayaka replied tersely, “I don't think I could lie about that.”
Sayaka looked over to me as she said that, with such powerful emotion in her eyes. I could tell how much this situation was bothering her, and how much she wished her and I didn't have to face what would come from her father catching us kissing each other.
“Now, Madoka.” Mr. Miki said, after turning his attentions back to me, “I don't mean to be rude, but you probably should be heading home now. It probably would be better if you're not here when Nanami gets home.”
Part of me wanted to fight against that request, and stand up for Sayaka and I. But ultimately, I saw the logic in Mr. Miki's words, so I decided to comply with his request.
I then rushed over to Sayaka, and gave her a quick hug.
“I'll see you tomorrow at school, Ok?” I asked her.
“Ok.” Sayaka replied with a certain assertiveness, partly for her father's ears as well.
I then left the Miki household, and headed home, deeply worried about what would happen next.
I had considered telling my parents about what had happened, but I just didn't feel prepared for that. So after getting home, I just quietly had Dinner and went to do some homework afterwards. In the late evening, I heard a knock on my door.
“Madoka, we need to talk.”
It was my mama.
“Ok, come in.” I replied.
Mama than opened up the door and walked into my bedroom, while I was sitting in front of my personal computer, completing homework on it.
“I just received a very... interesting phone call from Kotetsu Miki.” she said, “I trust you know what it's about?”
“Yeah.” I replied uneasily.
“Care to tell me why you didn't tell me about it yourself, Madoka?” mama asked me, with a tinge of hurt in her voice.
“Well, Sayaka and I...” I began uneasily, “We've only been girlfriends for a few days, mom! There just wasn't yet a good opportunity for me to tell you about it.”
“Did you think that your father or I would be upset about it?” mama asked me.
“Well, I didn't know for sure, so...” I began in answer.
“Neither of us are upset about you being in that sort of relationship with another girl.” mama said, interrupting me, “Besides, I've had my suspicions. especially as it pertains to you and Sayaka.”
“You did?” I asked, a bit surprised by mama's words here.
“Sayaka and you have always been closer than most pairs of friends are.” mama replied with a smile, “And truth be told, there was a girl I liked that way when I was your age.”
“Really?” I asked, shocked to hear this.
“Yes.” mama replied with a smile, as she sat down on my bed, “Here, come sit next to me. I think it's time we had a good heart-to-heart conversation.”
“Ok.” I replied, as I moved over to sit next to her.
“Madoka, I'm very glad I met your father, because I now have a great family thanks in large part to him.” mama began, “But when I was fourteen, there was an active and sporty girl in my class that I had a crush on. Her name was Ringo. You could say that she was the apple of my eye.”
“That's... a very dry pun, mom.” I said nervously over that joke, but still I couldn't help but to smile at it.
“It's more than just a pun.” mama replied, “I was in love with her, and she with me. But her parents were strongly against their daughter being in that sort of relationship, so it never worked out for her and I. Remind you of anything?”
Hearing mama's story, and the way she presented it, made me feel kinda sad.
“Now, don't get me wrong.” mama continued, “Maybe it'll work out between you and Sayaka. I honestly hope it does, for your sake and her's. And your father and I will support you in that relationship if that's what you truly want, Madoka. I have no doubt that you and Sayaka really do care about each other a lot. But just be prepared...”
“I'm not going to let that happen to Sayaka and me.” I said, surprising even myself with the boldness and strength of my words here, “I... I don't mean you any disrespect, but I'm not...”
Mama then leaned over to hug me.
“If that's your choice, then I'll support you in it, Madoka.” mama said, “But it has to be Sayaka's choice as well. You'll need to determine soon if it is or not. And don't blame her if she doesn't go through with it, given the family issues it's now causing her. Ringo wasn't able to go through with it herself...”
Mama was right. This really wasn't my decision to make. It was Sayaka's. And I didn't know how rough things were for her now. But I would know by tomorrow.
Sayaka had decided to not meet up with Hitomi and me at our usual spot on the way to school. I could tell that Hitomi wanted to ask me about that, but had decided not to. I'm glad she did, because I didn't really want to talk about it myself.
When I arrived at class for the morning, I saw that Sayaka was already there, sitting at her desk with a somber look on her face. I felt such a great need and desire to reach out to her right now! So I skipped over to her, and put on the biggest smile that I could while I greeted her.
“Good morning!” I shouted to her.
“Hi.” Sayaka replied, forcing a smile.
I could tell that Sayaka was really hurting right now, though.
“Are you Ok?” I asked her with a whisper, as I leaned in close to her.
“As well as can be expected...” she answered weakly, “We'll talk about it lunch-time, Ok?”
“Ok.” I replied.
While I had this brief conversation with Sayaka, I think I saw Homura's eyes fixated on us. That wasn't terribly unusual for Homura, but there was a look in Homura's eyes that suggested to me that maybe she knew about the new romantic relationship between Sayaka and I. But that was a passing concern for me right now. The main thing was helping Sayaka, and doing what I could to ensure that our romance worked out!
With these goals taking precedence for me, I walked alongside Sayaka to our usual spot for lunch-time on school days. Sayaka sat next to me, a bit tense in her posture as she held her knees in her arms, lurched over a bit. I was sitting in a more relaxed posture, though my heart was no less tense.
“Sorry about how my dad called your mom.” Sayaka said, breaking the ice for our conversation, “I tried to talk him out of it, but he didn't listen to me.”
“It's Ok.” I replied, while I smiled reassuringly at Sayaka, “Mama and papa took it really well!”
“That's good at least.” Sayaka replied, “At least your parents won't cause any problems for us, Madoka.”
“And what about your parents, Sayaka?” I asked, in a starkly serious tone, preparing for the worst.
“Well, you heard dad yesterday.” Sayaka began in answer, “I don't think it bothers him that much. He just dislikes the headaches he blames it for, since him, mom, and I all had a big argument over it last night.”
“...And what came of that argument?” I asked.
“Mom was pretty incensed with me.” Sayaka said, “Most of the argument was her and I shouting back and forth at each other, while dad tried to play peacemaker. Mom really had it out with both dad and I. Him for getting laid off, and me for, well, you know.”
“Did anything concrete come from the argument?” I asked.
“You probably should know, Madoka, that mom had intended to forbid me from ever going over to your place again, or ever having you over to my place again.” Sayaka answered, “In fact, I think she wanted me to... to stop even being friends with you. Dad thankfully considered that very extreme, and pushed for a compromise. So I ended up agreeing to not go over to your place anytime soon, in return for mom agreeing to let me have you over to my place, as long as her or dad are there.”
“I see.” I said, in a low and dejected voice, “Of course, Sayaka, if that's how your mom feels about me now, then...”
“I know.” Sayaka replied, while sighing, “It might not be the best idea if you came over to my place anytime soon.”
“...So what are we going to do, Sayaka?” I asked, as I felt deeply concerned, “Are we... are you and I going to have to break...”
“No.” Sayaka said firmly, “I'm not going to let it come to that! This is my decision, it's not mom's!”
Tears of hurt and frustration started to rush to Sayaka's eyes as she said that.
“I-I'm sorry, Madoka.” Sayaka said, “It's your decision as well, of course. I meant no disre...”
“I know.” I said, “And my decision is the same as yours, Sayaka! I don't want to lose you either!”
Sayaka and I were both crying now. In a flash, we'd find ourselves hugging each other, trying to take comfort in each other's arms. Attempts to reassure one another was garbled and rendered a bit inaudible by our sobs. But we both knew that we were going to do whatever we could to overcome the trials and turmoils thrown against us and our relationship. We had no intention of giving in to them!
“Madoka, I have an idea.” Sayaka said, while she held my shoulders in her two hands and looked me in the eyes.
“What's that?” I asked.
“Why don't I ask Mami if you and I can meet at her place sometimes?” Sayaka asked me, “That way we can get around the obstacles that's been put in our path.”
“Ok.” I replied, “That's fine with me if it's Ok with you and Mami!”
So during lunch-break, Sayaka called Mami and explained the situation to her, as briefly as possible. Sayaka then asked Mami if we could make use of her home at times when she was out doing Puella Magi-based activities. Mami agreed to it!
That was a big relief to Sayaka and I. At least the two of us would now have a place that we could relax at, other than just various restaurants and stores around town.
I could tell that there would be a lot of challenges facing Sayaka and I as romantic partners. But I was willing to face them alongside of her, with the help of our mutual friends, and my parents!
Madoka Stands Alone Chain
[Cont'd in next post]
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-04-04 at 06:36.
|2012-04-04, 01:10||Link #172|
Mami Lives Chapter 8
Madoka Stands Alone Chain
It was now Wednesday morning, and Sayaka and I were both in good cheer! We were both pretty pumped up at the idea of introducing Hitomi and Mami to one another.
We alluded to that in our chat with Hitomi, after we met at our usual place on the way to school together. Kyubey was perched on Sayaka's shoulder.
“Hitomi, I have to confess that there's a bit of a secret that Madoka and I have been keeping from you.” Sayaka said a bit bashfully, while smiling towards Hitomi.
“Oh?” Hitomi asked, in an oddly playful tone, “And what secret might this be?”
“Well, a little over a week ago, Madoka and I made a new friend when we ran into her at the nearby mall, after we saved her...”
“Pet cat.” I said, quickly finishing Sayaka's sentence for her, so as to not arouse suspicion.
“Right, right.” Sayaka quickly confirmed, “We saved her pet cat. So anyway, the owner of that pet cat ended up being an upperclasswoman from our school!”
“And like Sayaka said, we made friends with her.” I interjected, “So we ended up spending a fair bit of time with her over the past week.”
“So that's what's keeping you two so busy, and me out of the loop?” Hitomi replied, in implicit question and criticism.
“Right, and we're really sorry about that!” Sayaka exclaimed.
“We were just waiting for the right time to introduce you to her.” I quickly added.
“I see.” Hitomi replied, “So do you plan on introducing me to her soon?”
“Yeah.” Sayaka answered with a wide smile, “We plan on introducing her to you after school today. Madoka and I are hoping that the four of us – you, her, Madoka, and I – could all be friends!”
“In fact.” I quickly added once more, “We were thinking that if you and her get along well with each other, that we could all have a sleepover at her place on Friday night!”
“My...” Hitomi replied in a slightly sarcastic tone, while turning about suddenly to face Sayaka and I, “You two certainly like planning a lot without my input, don't you? Is there anything else either of you would like to tell me?”
Hitomi playfully smiled towards Sayaka and I as she asked us these two sarcastic questions, but there was something that I found vaguely troubling about her demeanour and tone of voice right now.
“N-No, that's everything!” Sayaka answered with a sheepish grin, while chuckling nervously.
“Again, Hitomi, we're sorry for keeping you out of the loop.” I said to her in a sympathetic tone of voice, “I hope you understand.”
“Don't worry, Madoka, I understand perfectly.” Hitomi replied, “I do look forward to meeting your new friend. May I ask what her name is?”
“Mami Tomoe.” Sayaka answered.
“Mami Tomoe. That's a nice name.” Hitomi replied, while she played with her chin with one finger, “Well, I can't wait to meet her!”
Today's classes went by fairly uneventfully, and seemed to drag a bit as Sayaka and I were both excited, and a bit nervous, over the thought of Hitomi and Mami finally getting to meet one another! Well, them finally getting to meet one another with Hitomi not under the influence of a witch's kiss, at least.
While classes were uneventful, Kamijo did seem oddly distracted all morning. I think he kept looking over at Hitomi a lot, even as Sayaka was trying to chat and joke around with him! I wonder what this could mean? Anyway, Hitomi didn't seem to think much of it, so I guess I shouldn't either.
Finally, the school day would end, and I would wait next to Hitomi at our lockers while Sayaka went off to retrieve Mami! It was only a short wait for Hitomi and I until Sayaka had returned with Mami walking closely behind her.
“Hitomi Shizuki.” Mami Tomoe said with a bright smile, while extending out her hand towards her, “Madoka and Sayaka have told me so much about you. It's good to finally meet you in person!”
“I'm glad to make your acquaintance as well, Mami Tomoe.” Hitomi said, while she eagerly and politely accepted Mami's offer of a handshake, “But are you sure we haven't met before? You look vaguely familiar to me.”
“Well, it's possible we've passed by each other at school once or twice before.” Mami answered, “Mitakihara Middle School is a fairly large school, but it's certainly possible that you've at least seen my face before.”
“Speaking of your face, how do you manage to get your curls so nice and perfectly in place like that?” asked Hitomi, “Why, it almost seems like magic to me!”
Sayaka couldn't help but to chuckle over that, while Mami shyly blushed, and I fidgeted a bit.
“Thank you for the compliment.” Mami said with a smile, “But your own hair is quite nice, and no less... magical... than mine.”
Even I couldn't help but to chuckle a bit over how Mami was playing along with the irony in Hitomi's choice of words. But what struck me most was the wide open grin Hitomi made after Mami's latest response to her. There was something about that grin that seemed a bit... worrisome to me.
“Anyway, why don't the four of us spend a little bit of time together?” Sayaka asked, wanting to speed things up a bit, “I was thinking we could all go eat out for some ice cream together!”
“That sounds good to me!” I chimed in approvingly.
“And to me as well.” Mami quickly agreed, “How about you, Shizuki-san?”
“Please, call me Hitomi.” she said warmly to Mami, “And yes, I'm fine with that as well. In fact, I'm in the mood for something cold and smooth... so ice cream fits the bill perfectly!”
So Sayaka, Mami, Hitomi, and I all had a nice time enjoying some ice cream at a nearby restaurant. We chatted and joked around a lot. It was great to see Hitomi and Mami really hit it off well!
I know that I should just be happy and relieved about that, but there was something about how Hitomi talked to Mami, in spite of how Mami ought to be a complete stranger to her. Hitomi seemed to display some sort of... gratitude maybe? ... towards Mami.
Oh well, my mind was probably just playing tricks with me. Around 4:30 PM, the four of us would all split up, after we all agreed on having a sleepover at Mami's place on Friday night! Sayaka and I felt really great about how well things seemed to be going now!
Unfortunately, that feeling would not last for long...
It's now 7 PM, Wednesday evening. How different the mood and atmosphere is here, for both Sayaka and myself, then what it was only a few hours ago. The much more serious topic of discussion is no doubt part of the reason why. But I think that no small matter is also the change in company.
Akemi-san is polite, but she lacks the warmth of Madoka. And Kyouko... Kyouko is certainly nothing like Hitomi.
Here we are gathered, along with Sayaka, to discuss the upcoming threat posed by Walpurgis Night, and how best to combat it.
The feel of this room is strange. A pendulum swings overhead, enchantingly but also menacingly. Esoteric images float about the room, all of them going back to one aspect or another of the Puella Magi world. Most are of witches, I believe. Circular colourful seating arrangements are arrayed in a pattern throughout the room, but they're a bit hard to sit on, so I've chosen to remain standing instead.
Kyouko is eating, as usual. At the moment, she's snarfing down some ramen noodles.
Sayaka, to her credit, is very attentive as Homura points to a map situated on top of a small table before us.
“I predict that Walpurgis Night will appear in this area.” Homura stated.
“...The clock tower?!” Sayaka asked, “Why there?”
“Not only that.” chimed in Kyouko, “But I haven't heard of Walpurgis Night appearing in this city before. So how are you so sure about the clock tower?”
Homura maintained quite a poker face over that question from Kyouko.
“You should answer her question.” Sayaka said firmly towards Homura, “No offence, but you're not the most trustworthy person in the world.”
“And you are, Sayaka?” I heard a new voice in the room, a voice that was once unfamiliar to me, but one which I now recognized.
“Hitomi...!” Sayaka said in breathless shock, as she turned about to face where Hitomi's voice was coming from.
“Hey!” exclaimed Kyouko angrily towards Akemi, “Isn't this room cut off from normal humans?!”
“It is.” Akemi-san answered, “Thus the only logical conclusion is...”
“I'm not a normal human any more.” Hitomi said, finishing Homura's sentence for her, while she walked out of the shaded area of the room and into the light.
Sayaka, Kyouko, Akemi and I were all wearing civilian attire. To be more specific, Sayaka, Akemi, and I were in our student uniforms, while Kyouko was wearing her typical jean shorts and green top. But as for Hitomi...
She was wearing a long, fancy green dress with yellow laces up through the midsection of it, eventually ending in a beautifully bright bold yellow bow situated on top of Hitomi's cleavage. Hitomi also had on metallic gloves and metallic boots that stretched up to her knees, similar to what a medieval knight would wear. Also out of the mists of history was the weapon she was wielding – a halberd! But most telling was the green choker around her neck. Because attached to that was a Green Soul Gem...
“I had my doubts about going along with your little charade earlier today, Sayaka.” Hitomi said with a tone of resentment towards Sayaka, “But it's all worth it to see the look that you have on your face now.”
“Hitomi, what is this about?!” a completely stunned Sayaka asked, as she stood up to face Hitomi.
“I think it should be obvious that I'm now a Puella Magi, like you are.” Hitomi answered, “In spite of your best efforts to keep all of that secret from me, Sayaka.”
“Wait, Hitomi-san...” I said, speaking up in defense of Sayaka, “Please don't be upset with Sayaka! She meant you no...”
“It's truly a pleasure to see you again, Mami.” Hitomi said sweetly towards me, while she walked over to me, “Although I don't approve of you aiding and abetting Madoka and Sayaka in keeping the truth from me, that's very much secondary to what you did do for me. Based on what Kyubey told me, you saved my life! And now, I can finally express my proper gratitude to you for it. I hope that you and I can be good friends.”
“I...” I began uneasily in reply, as Hitomi held out her hand to me.
“Yes, I'd like that to.” I said to Hitomi as I shook her hand.
“But you should know, Hitomi...” I continued, “That Sayaka and Madoka helped me save your life last Thursday night! They deserve thanks as well.”
“It's not that Madoka and I wanted to keep you in the dark about anything!” Sayaka exclaimed.
“Oh, then what was it, Sayaka?” Hitomi asked, while raising an eyebrow towards her, “Wasn't it you trying to gain an unfair advantage over me?!”
“W-what are you talking about?!” Sayaka asked, truly dumbfounded over Hitomi's words I think.
“Psst.” I heard Kyouko whisper to Akemi-san, “Do you intend to regain control of this meeting or not?!”
“Patience.” Akemi replied, “Let's first see how this all plays out. I hope that we have another Puella Magi ally here, but that might not be the case...”
Hitomi then began to address Sayaka's last question to her.
“The contractor Kyubey approached you and Madoka about becoming magical girls, correct?” Hitomi asked Sayaka.
“...Yes, that's true.” Sayaka answered, “I guess you met Kyubey, huh?”
“Yes, I did.” Hitomi answered in turn, “And he told me about how you and Madoka hid the truth of the world of magical girls and witches from me. Even after a witch almost killed me, Sayaka!”
“I... I didn't want to needlessly worry you, Hitomi!” Sayaka exclaimed in defence of herself, “Madoka didn't either. We thought that ignorance would be bliss for you.”
“A convenient excuse, Sayaka.” Hitomi replied, while narrowing her eyes towards Sayaka, “A convenient excuse to justify you taking hold of an unfair advantage over me in the ways of love!”
“... the ways of love?” Sayaka said breathlessly, as I think a troubling truth was starting to dawn on her, as it was dawning on me as well, “Just what did you wish for when you became a Puella Magi?!”
“There's a person we both love that you used a wish on in order to gain his gratitude.” Hitomi began in answer, “That person is Kyousuke Kamijo. And so I turned the tables on that, Sayaka! I wished for Kyousuke Kamijo to fall in love with me!”
Sayaka looked entirely floored by this news!
“Hey now!” Kyouko piped up over hearing Hitomi say this, “You can't go making wishes to change people like that! That's bad...”
“You did what?!” Sayaka asked Hitomi angrily, and fiercely, interrupting Kyouko in the process.
“I took advantage of the same system that you did!” Hitomi shouted in reply, “Isn't that only fair, Sayaka?”
“Fair?” Sayaka asked, as I could tell that rage was starting to overcome her, “I made a wish to help Kyousuke! For his benefit! You made a selfish wish for your own sake, Hitomi! One that disrespects Kyousuke and his free will!”
“How dare you talk about disrespect to me?!” Hitomi shouted in questioning reply, “We've been good friends for awhile... or at least I thought we were... until you dismissed our friendship entirely when you left me in the dark on this most important hidden reality. A hidden reality that threatened my very life, Sayaka!”
“Ok, that's enough!” I shouted, as I raced over to Hitomi, gently taking hold of her arms from behind her.
“... Mami, Madoka, and I all saved you, Hitomi!” Sayaka exclaimed at her, as tears flew out of her eyes, “So I wasn't dismissing our friendship at all! But you've dismissed our friendship by trying to steal Kyousuke away from me with an evil, selfish wish!”
“Calm down, Sayaka!” shouted Kyouko while she raced over to Sayaka to grab her arms from behind her.
“E-evil?!” Hitomi said in reply to Sayaka's last words to her, as I could sense great rage rising up within Hitomi as well, “If that's what you truly think, Sayaka...”
“No, Hitomi, don't!” I cried at her.
“Then let's you and I settle this as two Puella Magi ought to!” Hitomi exclaimed to Sayaka, ignoring my cries, “Let's settle this in battle! Your sword, and my halberd!”
“If that's what you want, then so be it!” Sayaka shouted in reply, “I'll make you pay for what you did to Kyousuke!”
I was using my personal computer, and working on my homework, when Kyubey suddenly appeared just outside my bedroom window!
'Madoka!' he shouted to me telepathically, 'Hurry! Sayaka and Hitomi are both in danger! Follow me!'
And so I raced after Kyubey. And what he would show me truly horrified me!
To Be Continued...
Thanks to everyone for their great feedback!
Based on the feedback I've received, I've decided to go ahead, and write straight through to the conclusion of Mami Lives!
This chapter is one where I admittedly take these characters places that might seem a bit hard to swallow. But hopefully, readers will enjoy it all the same.
I look forward to any and all replies.
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-04-05 at 11:29.
|2012-04-05, 03:51||Link #174|
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Under the piercing blue sky
I'll try to keep things shorter this time.
Mami Lives Chapter 7, Mami Route:
Spoiler for Mami Romance Route, Chapter 7:
Mami Lives Chapter 7, Sayaka Route:
Spoiler for Sayaka Romance Route, Chapter 7:
Mami Lives Chapter 7, Madoka Still Stands Alone Route:
Spoiler for No Romance Yet Route, Chapter 7:
Spoiler for On Triple_R's response:
Mami Lives Chapter 8, Mami Route:
Spoiler for Mami Romance Route, Chapter 8:
Mami Lives Chapter 8, Sayaka Route:
Spoiler for Sayaka Romance Route, Chapter 8:
Mami Lives Chapter 8, Hitomi Madoka Stands Alone Route:
Spoiler for Madoka Stands Alone Route, Chapter 8:
Last edited by Coldlight; 2012-04-05 at 06:57. Reason: Added response for Madoka Stands Alone Route, Chapter 8
|2012-04-10, 17:56||Link #176|
Unlimited Flag Works!
Hey Triple R I'm Back! After taking some breathers and getting away from home to relax, I'm finally in the writing mood again. I got some ClariS playing and I'm ready to rock and roll.
Let's get this started:
Current Madoka x Mami Scenario:
As always, excellent work on the drama and the pacing of the choices about the thoughts Madoka is having in terms of her love for Mami or Homura. The interactions were convincing and it gave us more insight on Madoka's reasons to be clear and reasonable for the choices she's made. It's clear that Mami and Homura are still in the dark about how Madoka feels regarding the two of them, and how they'll react when the final decision is made. It's clear that one of them is going to get hurt in the end and Madoka seems to be fully aware of that and has to think twice about her final decision.
It looks like Sayaka has gotten use to the Magical Girl world now thanks to Mami's teachings and it seems that she met Kyoko. It's nice in this chain that they're not at each others throats psychically but their ideals are clashing in terms of how dealing with witches should be handled.
Spoiler for Madoka's Choices:
Great work on this scenario and I really look forward to how Madoka relationship with Mami or Homura will take fold. Can't wait to see what you have planned next.
Current Madoka x Sayaka Romance Scenario:
It's suprising that the father took the shocking truth pretty well but seemed a little disgusted at the same time. The father being a mediator during the argument with Sayaka and her mother was interesting because he called Madoka's family and told them the truth about what happened. Madoka's family was accepting but the mother wasn't because she always expected Sayaka to go after Kamijou due to the fact her daughter has been watching and taking care of him during his tough times.
Madoka and her mothers heart to heart moment was really touching because her mother was pretty understanding and went through the same thing that her daughter is going through, but of course, never worked out. It shows that there are few families that accept their children going into that type of relationship and Junko is a outspoken and understanding woman. It shows how Madoka is kind and loving because she grew in a kind, loving and understanding environment all of her life, and for Sayaka, it's more like she has to live up to her families expectations and living the way they want, which is tough on her, and one of the sure reasons why she was scared/hesitant to pursue a relationship with Madoka.
It's nice to know that they're still in the fight and they're working hard to keep what they've worked for intact. I can't help but wonder if Nanami is going to do something extreme, but one thing is bothering me, no Kyubey...weird, I can't help but feel that he's waiting for something.
Awesome scenario, can't wait to see what you have planned for the next one.
Mami Lives, Madoka Stands Alone Scenario:
It looks like Hitomi is aware of what happened in the warehouse and is adjusting to the world of Magical Girls. Accepting Mami's friendship was interesting because I think she's using her as a way to get closer and understanding Sayaka (her rival in love) involvement with witches and magic etc.
It looks like the gauntlet is down between them regarding Kamijou. Sayaka' wish for Kamijou was made out of compassion and giving a person a second chance to pursue a dream while Hitomi did hers out of selfishness and spite because she wanted him to look at her, and couldn't take her friend taking what she thinks that deserves to be hers. It looks Kyubey has Madoka right where I'm sure he wants her. It's going to be a thrill ride for sure and many twists and surprises are going to be underway. This gives us how manipulative and convincing Kyubey can be and it looks he has to right opportunity to get Madoka into a contract...not good, don't give in Madoka.
I love the scenario and I can't wait to see how this will get resolved or how things will change from here on out. Great job, I enjoyed reading this.
Spoiler for Pros:
Spoiler for Cons:
Spoiler for Request:
I truly enjoyed these scenarios. Keep up the phenomenal work Triple R and I know you'll pull another winner out of a hat. Take your time I'll be waiting!
Last edited by Kirito; 2012-04-11 at 01:03. Reason: Forgot to add something
|2012-04-10, 21:26||Link #177|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
Sorry it took so long for me to get around to this. Had quite a bit going on for the last week or so, so I didn't really get to use the computer all that much. Thankfully I managed to sneak this in before you could post another chapter, otherwise this'd take even longer to write.
Anyway... I was only planning on doing it the one time, but seeing as someone out there thinks it was a nice idea to change to a boat theme, I may as well stick with them for now...
Spoiler for Mostly Mirthful Maritime:
Spoiler for Somewhat Smooth Sailing:
Spoiler for Hopelessly Horrible Hurricane:
Whew... anyway, this was quite an update. Despite what my reaction to a certain section probably implies, I really think you did a nice job here.
|2012-04-11, 00:48||Link #178|
Next thing that should probably happen is a dating sim XD (guy [P.S. guy can enter and has potential but Kyubey refuses cause he's a waste of energy XD] x girl. But it shall be a challenge XD)
|2012-04-13, 16:26||Link #179|
Mami Lives Chapter 9
Mami Romance Chain
That's what Mami cheerfully shouted out to me as I walk towards where she's sitting right now in the restaurant. It's about 4 PM on Monday, and I now have a lot to talk to Mami about.
If you chose B for Choice M5 and did not choose A for M Opportunity Choice 3, read Section Breaking the Bad News to Mami. Otherwise, skip over it.
Spoiler for Breaking the Bad News to Mami:
I was very happy to meet up with Mami right now.
If you choose A for M Opportunity Choice 3, read Section Madoka's Acting Performance. Otherwise, skip over it.
Spoiler for Madoka's Acting Performance:
“Hello, Mami, how are you doing?!” I exclaimed to her in cheerful question, as I sat down on the side of the table opposite to where Mami was sitting.
“I'm doing fine.” Mami answered, “I'm mostly interested in how you're doing, Madoka.”
If you Chose A for Choice M4, read Section Reporting the Good News.
If you Chose B for Choice M4, read Section Homura Took it a Bit Hard.
Spoiler for Reporting the Good News:
Spoiler for Homura Took it a Bit Hard:
It looked like everything was continuing to go smoothly with Mami. I also now had some big plans for tonight! As I ate Dinner with my family, my mind drifted a bit to how this evening would go for me.
I was certainly eager to find out!
Sayaka Romance Chain
On the way home from school on this Wednesday afternoon, Sayaka and I dropped in to Mami's to pay her a visit. After gladly welcoming us at the door, Mami enthusiastically invited us in, and retrieved some tea and cookies for us to drink and eat. We did so while we sat around the triangular transparent table in Mami's living room.
“Thanks for letting Sayaka and I make use of your apartment whenever you're not here, Mami!” I shouted in deep appreciation towards her.
“It's the least I can do to help my two new friends through a difficult situation.” Mami began in reply, “Especially a difficult situation that I can sadly relate to.”
Mami's tone changed from relaxed to regretful with that last line, which was also said beneath her breath. She also took a sip of her tea after saying it.
“What do you mean by that, Mami?” Sayaka asked, having heard what Mami said underneath her breath.
“Well, the truth is that I'm also a lesbian like you and Madoka are.” Mami answered, after drinking some tea, “I went through a difficult situation a few years ago because of that...”
“Really?” I asked, a bit startled by that, and also feeling sorry for Mami given all the other problems she's had to endure.
“Yes, really.” Mami confirmed in answer, “But neither of you need to worry about that now. It's well in the past, and it's my goal to always keep looking forward, while trying to stay positive and strong.”
“I think that's a great attitude to have.” Sayaka stated here, openly admiring Mami in the process, “Madoka and I may not have become magical girls, but we still consider you a great Senior, Mami!”
“Yeah!” I chimed in agreement, “You're always so helpful and mature.”
“Thank you.” Mami replied, blushing slightly, “But I have to admit that I occasionally have doubts about that. There's something else I want to reveal to you both that should help to explain why that is.”
“What do you want to reveal?” Sayaka asked.
“Before I met you and Madoka, I was... friends and Puella Magi partners with a girl named Kyouko Sakura.” Mami began in explanation, “Kyouko and I had a falling out due to philosophical differences on what exactly it means to be a Puella Magi. I've recently met back up with Kyouko, and I'd like to renew my friendship with her but have found that those differences continue to get in the way.”
“That's really sad...” I said.
“Well, at least you have Madoka and I as friends now, Mami!” Sayaka exclaimed, trying to cheer Mami up.
“I know.” Mami replied, “But it's inevitable that as the two of you grow closer together in your romance, you'll have less time for me. I certainly don't say that to place any blame on either of you, or to make you feel guilty about it, but just to state an important and unavoidable fact. I have to admit that I have felt a bit lonely the last few days, almost like how I felt before I met both of you. So I have to admit that part of me has wondered if I wouldn't be better off capitulating to Kyouko's vision of what it means to be a Puella Magi, simply so I could be closer to her.”
Hearing Mami voice these words to Sayaka and I left me feeling a bit guilty. Had Sayaka and I become so caught up in our relationship issues that we had lost sight of Mami, and her sad situation? As Sayaka and I glanced back and forth to each other, contemplating carefully over Mami's words, I think that Sayaka had similar questions at the forefront of her mind. Those weren't the only questions, though.
“This Kyouko...” began Sayaka, in a slightly ominous tone, “What is her vision of what it means to be a Puella Magi?”
“You... probably wouldn't approve.” Mami said sheepishly, with a nervous look on her face, “Let's just say that she thinks that a Puella Magi is very different from a normal human, and so she should live strictly for herself, making it a point to not be concerned about the lives and welfare of other humans.”
“...You're right.” Sayaka stated sternly after a tense pause, “I don't approve.”
“Still...” I began, feeling sympathetic over Mami's situation here, “It's understandable at least. Magical girls are aware of a reality that almost nobody else is aware of. They deal with difficulties that nobody else has to face! I guess it only makes sense that they would feel cut off from the rest of world.”
“That's true...” Sayaka replied, a bit uneasily, seeing the logic in my words although it didn't sit well with her, “Still, I think that with great power comes great responsibility. If you have a chance to make a real difference that helps and protects others, shouldn't you take advantage of it?”
“Then why don't you do so?” came a new, but familiar, fourth voice.
It was Kyubey! Sayaka and I, and even Mami to an extent, were startled to hear him suddenly interject himself into our conversation. Kyubey was now seen leaning over the top of the couch in Mami's living room.
“Kyubey, they've already made their decisions on that.” Mami said to him in a slightly cross tone of voice, “Should you not respect that?”
“Of course.” Kyubey answered, “But I've noticed that humans can often change their opinions on their decisions, so I thought it would be beneficial to determine if Madoka and Sayaka's opinion have changed. Sayaka's most recent statements would logically lead to her wanting to become a Puella Magi!”
“Why's that?” Sayaka asked.
“The opportunity for great power lies right in front of you, as you could still contract with me as a magical girl.” Kyubey answered, “That opportunity isn't made to everyone. It's only offered to a select few out of all humans. Given the great opportunity for great power that lies before you, Sayaka, does that not mean that you should act on the great responsibility that comes with that?”
“That's...” Sayaka began in slow answer, while thinking carefully over Kyubey's words, “That's different. Having great power thrust on you is different than having the choice to wield it or not. I don't know if I could handle the great responsibility that goes along with wielding great power... especially now that I have other responsibilities in my life.”
With her last few words, Sayaka had looked over to me with a warm and romantic smile on her face. It was clear to me what Sayaka meant by her words, and that made me smile slightly and blush.
“It is clear that you feel a greater responsibility towards Madoka than before.” Kyubey stated to Sayaka, “Being a Puella Magi could only aid you in fulfilling those responsibilities! Without the magical power that comes with being a Puella Magi, what would happen if you and Madoka were to fall into a witch's barrier without Mami around to help you?”
“That is not something Sayaka needs to be concerned with.” Mami spoke up, “Kyubey, I respect that you wanted Madoka and Sayaka to become magical girls, but they have repeatedly rejected your request there. It is time to honour and respect that rejection.”
“Wouldn't you like to have more Puella Magi allies, Mami?” Kyubey asked her, “Ones that are more compatible with you than Kyouko Sakura is?”
“I won't deny that.” Mami answered, “But I also believe that Madoka and Sayaka have enough to worry about now without the added responsibilities of being a Puella Magi.”
“That's true.” Sayaka stated in replied, “In fact...”
I could tell that the gears were turning in Sayaka's head.
“I think it's time for me to do everything that I can to make sure our relationship works out, Madoka.” Sayaka said to me.
“What do you mean, Sayaka?” I asked her.
“This evening, I'm going to have a chat with my dad.” Sayaka said, “I'm going to do all that I can to gain his support, Madoka! If I can accomplish that, then mom will have no choice but to eventually back down!”
And so after Madoka and I left Mami's place for the day, I headed back to my home, intent on persuading my father to support my romance with Madoka.
After arriving home, I noticed that dad was sitting on a couch in the living room, carefully sifting through job ads in the local paper. I appreciated how dutiful he was in trying to find new work right away, but my dad was also a bit clueless in a way that frequently exasperated me.
“Oh, hi Sayaka.” he said to me, as I walked into the living room, “You're home a bit late. You didn't go over...”
“No, I didn't go over to Madoka's.” I said in a terse interjection, unable to hide my resentment over being barred from visiting the home of my girlfriend and best friend.
“Where were you then?” he asked, while roughly folding up the newspaper and placing it on the table.
“This is odd.” I answered, raising an eyebrow, “You usually don't pay any attention to my daily life. If doing something to displease you and mom was the only way to gain your attention, maybe I should have done that a long time ago.”
“Hey now!” dad piped up, displaying instant hurt over my words as he stood up and turned around to face me, “You know that isn't true. You've always had my attention, Sayaka!”
“Oh?” I asked, a bit sarcastically, “Then where were you on my last birthday? Or when you, mom, and I were planning a long vacation last Summer?”
“Those were busy times at work, Sayaka, you know that.” he answered me, “We had deadlines to meet, people to greet, all that stuff.”
“... Well, was it worth it?” I asked in turn, after a brief pause, “Did you get that promotion you and mom were hoping you would?”
Dad fidgeted nervously with his arms and hands, and sighed gruffly over my words.
“...Geez, Sayaka, isn't that a bit cold?” he asked me.
“It's no more cold than mom wanting me to break up with the person I love with all my heart.” I said, closing my eyes while I said it to hold back any potential tears.
Dad sighed again over these words.
“Look, Sayaka, I know how you feel about her, but...”
“No, I don't think that you do, dad.” I firmly interrupted him, “How could you? Over the past two years, I'd get to talk to you only a couple times a week, aside from casual good mornings and good nights, if that. You were always busy at work, or busy hanging out with your friends. You hardly ever had time for mom or me.”
“Sayaka, I did that to help provide for you!” he exclaimed to me, “I did that to ensure that you'd have everything you need for a good life.”
“Money is important, but it's not everything.” I replied, “Money alone won't fill a person's heart. I wanted somebody to be close to, and somebody to love. In recent years, you and mom have been cold or distant or both to me.”
“Well, why don't we head off to the nearest unoccupied baseball field!” dad said, perking up with a snapping of his fingers and a flashy grin, “We could play some catch there, and I can also throw you some pitches to swing at! It'll be just like...”
“Four years ago?” I asked, finishing his sentence for him.
“Um, well, yeah.” dad replied a bit sheepishly while scratching his head, as he could tell that I was a bit cynical over the idea.
Dad loves baseball, and it's thanks to him that I developed some love for the sport myself. Dad and I used to play baseball a lot together. To his credit, he cheered me on a lot when I was younger. But then, around when I turned 10, dad became steadily busier and busier at work, until he seemed to never have any time for mom or me. So without dad's support, and with Hitomi and Madoka not being into baseball much, I lost interest in it.
“... I know you mean well.” I said to dad, deciding that maybe I had been a bit too hard on him, “But I'm not a kid anymore. I'm soon going to be a woman. And that's why I should be allowed to make my own relationship choices! If I want to be with another girl, then I should be allowed to!”
At this point, my emotions were starting to get the better of me. I allowed a couple tears to fly forth as I shouted these strongly held beliefs at my father.
“I told you, Sayaka, that if it was up to just me...” he began.
“I'm not looking for you to be passive, dad!” I shouted at him, “Haven't you been passive enough in my life? Don't you care at all about me?!”
“Of course I care about you, Sayaka.” he said, a bit flatly as I think he was taken aback by my accusations here, “How could I not care about you? You're my only daughter after all! And to tell you the truth, that's why I have to admit I'm a bit worried about you and Madoka.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, as dad's words here calmed me down a bit.
“Well, let's just say that your mother isn't the only one who feels the way that she does.” dad began in answer, “There's people out there that might not accept you and Madoka being together like that. Some may even discriminate against you in employment opportunities! Now they probably won't be dumb enough to admit that's the reason why, but that will be the reason.”
“That's not fair!” I shouted, feeling such rage at the thought of being discriminated against like that.
“I know it's not fair, Sayaka, but I don't control that!” dad replied, “We have to be pragmatic here. We can't afford to be idealistic about this. Your future is at stake, Sayaka!”
“No.” I said, as I started to get a bit choked up in tears of frustration, “That's not right! I shouldn't have to give up on Madoka just to please society!”
Dad began to reach one hand and arm out to me to try to comfort me, but he pulled back at the sight of how I angrily shifted my head away from him while he did so.
“... If you truly care about me, then you'll support my relationship with Madoka.” I said, as firmly as I could, even as tears poured out of my eyes, “I can handle any other problems related to that as long as you support it, and can convince mom to accept it.”
“... That's a tall order, Sayaka.” dad replied.
“Please dad!” I shouted at him.
“... Ok, I'll do what I can.” he stated, “If it means this much to you, Sayaka, then I'll support it. And I'll try to get your mother to accept it.”
“Thanks.” I said in a low tone, “I'm heading to my room now.”
I could sense dad reaching out to me as I walked away, but I wasn't in the mood to feel close to him right now. No, first I wanted him to prove to me that he still cared about me. I haven't felt that from dad in a long, long time.
But at least it sounded as though he was going to support Madoka and me! Now, if he can get through to mom it should be smooth sailing from here.
I'll share the good news with Madoka at school tomorrow. Soon, very soon, I want to take the next step with her. I had initially wanted to take it slowly, but the struggles I've faced have really helped to inflame my passions for Madoka, making me more impatient. I hoped that I'll be able to consummate my romance with her soon. I had no remaining doubts. Madoka was the person for me, and I was going to do everything I could to create a happy romantic partnership for her and I.
And now, an update that I think Dr. Casey in particular will enjoy.
A lot of other readers might find this one a bit of a downer though, lol. But hey, it's just me emulating Vince McMahon Jr. - Anything can happen in Pure Pink Pretty Lovers!
But what isn't happening this update is more "Madoka Stands Alone". Sorry about that, but I've decided to put that on hiatus for this update. It will be back for Mami Lives Chapter 10, though.
Well, we're into the final stretch now! 3 more chapters left for both Mami Romance and Sayaka Romance. Any requests/suggestions you want to make - make them now, or I might not be able to fit them in later.
With or without suggestions, I'd appreciate any and all replies. ^_^
Last edited by Triple_R; 2012-04-16 at 14:56. Reason: Slight changes based on Coldlight's review.
|2012-04-14, 13:43||Link #180|
Join Date: Dec 2011
V0.5 is done, this is the remake of the VN to chapter 5 so no new chapter was added. this would have came out a week ealier if i didn't catch a cold and have a high fever but anyway, download here
and Triple_R, can you edit the new ver, patch and screenshot to the first post?