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Old 2012-05-14, 10:08   Link #36401
Lycodrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
... *brings out gun* Sorry, only one jail break around here. Good bye, my friend *shot Lyco*
Hey, I did say it was just a possibility. No need to shoot me. XP
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Old 2012-05-14, 10:14   Link #36402
Lhklan
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Joking, Lyco. Joking. *discreetly checks gun*
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Old 2012-05-14, 10:19   Link #36403
Lycodrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Joking, Lyco. Joking. *discreetly checks gun*
Well, like I said, it needs to be rewritten.
Not sure when I'll get to it, though, since I have a number of other things I'm wanting, and kind of needing, to work on.
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Old 2012-05-14, 10:22   Link #36404
Lhklan
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Hey, what do you think about Chapter 6 PT 2? I posted it a while back.
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Old 2012-05-14, 10:44   Link #36405
Lycodrake
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Hey, what do you think about Chapter 6 PT 2? I posted it a while back.
I liked it quite a bit.
Though I admit Nightclub Worker Yuuno stuck in my mind more.
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Old 2012-05-14, 20:04   Link #36406
Auxilism
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Finally done!

Spoiler for Chapter 6, PT2:
Sorry Lhklan, I can't really comment on it because I (Please don't hate me for this...) never really liked Yunno or having known dead canon characters 'revived'. As such, I just glance through the chapters, not caring if there are plot holes or more description could be used.




Alright, here's chapter three
Spoiler for Left alone, abandoned by love chapter 3:
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3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
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Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).
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Old 2012-05-15, 01:00   Link #36407
Lhklan
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*shrug*Meh, everyone have their opinions. To tell you the truth, I actually didn't even bother read most of your work since it involve OC.

Spoiler for sneak peak:
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Old 2012-05-15, 01:42   Link #36408
Craxuan
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That reads extremely weird, Lhkan. You might want a grammar check after you complete your work.
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Old 2012-05-15, 02:10   Link #36409
Auxilism
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@Lhklan
As you said, everybody prefers different things so I don't mind.
Spoiler for After 'Left alone, abandoned by love':


@Craxuan
I think somebody said Lhklan's native language was not english so you can't really blame him for them
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オークシリスム
3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
Click this for my gif request thread.Max quality version
I take gif requests here.
Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).
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Old 2012-05-15, 05:44   Link #36410
Lhklan
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@Craxuan.
Ah,crap. This one came up on the fly so I didn't exactly check for faults. Sorry about that/
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Old 2012-05-15, 06:48   Link #36411
Craxuan
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Oh no, I'm just pointing it out. It was just a sneak peak anyway, faults are expected. Forgive the grammar police in me. >_>
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Old 2012-05-15, 06:58   Link #36412
Lhklan
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Nah, I got to thank you for that. Otherwise, I won't improve.
Could you point out the specific part though? MS Word didn't find any fault with it.
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Old 2012-05-15, 07:41   Link #36413
Auxilism
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post
Spoiler for sneak peak:
Spoiler for Fixed?:


Red for corrections, bold for comments.
I really hope they are correct
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Auxilism
オークシリスム
3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
Click this for my gif request thread.Max quality version
I take gif requests here.
Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).

Last edited by Auxilism; 2012-05-15 at 07:52.
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Old 2012-05-15, 07:52   Link #36414
Lhklan
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Oh Thanks. As for the last part, she actually leaned in AFTER she said that.
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Old 2012-05-15, 07:54   Link #36415
Auxilism
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Do you mean second last? The last part was about Carim running away.

Glad to help a writer (but please don't ask me to correct thousands of words, it was just a small portion so I figured I would give it a shot )
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Auxilism
オークシリスム
3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
Click this for my gif request thread.Max quality version
I take gif requests here.
Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).
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Old 2012-05-15, 07:56   Link #36416
Lhklan
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Join Date: Apr 2012
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Yeah, that part. You could guess what she leaned in for, right?
Thanks anyway.
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Old 2012-05-15, 08:00   Link #36417
Auxilism
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I've read too many fanfics from fanfiction.net concerning those kind of statements...
You're welcome

For any of my readers seeing this, there will not be any romance in "Left alone, abandoned by love". I don't really have a romantic bone so I won't dabble in it.
__________________
Auxilism
オークシリスム
3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
Click this for my gif request thread.Max quality version
I take gif requests here.
Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).

Last edited by Auxilism; 2012-05-15 at 08:53.
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Old 2012-05-15, 08:09   Link #36418
Lhklan
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It's your story. Do whatever you want with it.
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Old 2012-05-15, 09:51   Link #36419
Craxuan
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"Hearts are not to be bought, but stolen they say," should be better. You can put the comma somewhere else though.
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Old 2012-05-15, 10:22   Link #36420
Auxilism
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Hmm, I guess it's kind of redundant but I did not want to change his style too much. Correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't the comma at the end be a full stop since there isn't any specified tone or action taken during the statement?

If I was doing this mine would be, "You know what they say, hearts are not meant to be bought, but stolen."
__________________
Auxilism
オークシリスム
3rd Yuri Division
Characters are from Madoka Magica, Symphogear and Sakura Trick.
Please see the uncompressed version on the right.
Click this for my gif request thread.Max quality version
I take gif requests here.
Please read the opening post (revised as of 22/8/2014).
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