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Old 2008-08-11, 09:26   Link #141
Nenkitsune
Ive been MikuCaramellized
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Age: 26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amray View Post
You mean in the ways in which you act, or how you see things mentally? You are 20 years old (I assume), therefore you have all the time in the world to make up for the friends that you have lost. I am currently 18 and am yet to spend another two years in college. I will be 20/21 by the time I leave, and that is if I do not wish to carry on learning. I have spent 2 extra years in education now, soon to be four, and I have done extremely well in the social department. I also take walks everyday and it is suprising what kinds of new people you see and meet. Although I suppose that does depend on the area in which you live.

I have made male friends who are in their late twenties, and also female ones that are not even six years old. That was when I was working in a school for two weeks and those minors were probably the most entertaining individuals that I have ever met. I suppose that ones thoughts and personality can in fact affect ones social life, quite deeply. Although I am the silent type nowadays and make even more friends. Because they cannot exactly judge me like this and also do not tire of me as I am not much of a huge talker. Although if I do say something it is either funny, or really friendly. Therefore that is all people have to go from to make assumptions on my personality. "Kind and Funny"
I think in how I see things mentally, or how I view myself as a person mentally. Everyone my age is already so much further along in life than I am, and in my mind I see myself as still a kid compared to them. (even you, who's 2 years younger than me, is much much further ahead than I am)

and Solais, even if I do meet someone with the same tastes as me, it takes a LOT for me to warm up to them enough to be anything more than acquaintances

Oh, and my LITTLE sister doesn't help much.
Most of the time she calls me pathetic, a loser, someone with no life, no friends, and that still lives with his mother.
and my dad did nothing but call me stupid and yell at me.
and when I was in elementary school I got teased a lot.
and in jr high my friends weren't really that good of friends
then in freshman year in highschool, when things were actually looking up in life, I got thrown out of school, accused of plotting a bombing/shooting with a group of people in my group of friends (and I had no idea of this till they called me into the office) I lost all my friend's, the entire city shunned me, and after 6 months they FINALLY realized that I did absolutely nothing. I had to transfer schools, made a few friends, then moved to NC, where I was criticized constantly by my dad's family, which made things worse. and the kids at school weren't much better.

Hmmm....yep...I think those events could be the root cause of my problems now.

So I've got a REALLY hard time trusting people, and even harder time talking to people, and I'm extremely self conscious.
At my absolute worse (which happens maybe once or twice a month) I become totally depersonalized, and question my own existance, along with realizing just how empty I really am.

Hurray for early morning ramblings.
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Old 2008-08-11, 10:01   Link #142
Solais
Youkai of Coincidence
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: The Border of Common Sense
Age: 24
Wow O_o. Now I'm stunned. You did have a worse time as me. It's not surprise that you don't trust anyone, I mean, okay my parents raised me with the "nobody is your friend, you can't trust them" slogan thanks to my stupid godfather who's friends have got him to jail, because he was the driver, then they needed to flee from the country, because the maffia was after him and his family, and one time, they wanted to kidnap me, okay. I was raised with this care, because of somebody.

But, you. Your life were ruined because of friends, you're like my godfather, fleeing from life. I can understand why can't you trust anyone, you were betrayed badly, it's a scar, what you can't forget. However, you can't be an outcast forever, because this will get worse, and you might want to jump under the train. I think, you somehow need to start an entirely new life, far from your family, your home, etc. And when it happened, you just need to open up. There is a new environment, nobody will know you, and you can be yourself again. Oh, and my godfather was started a new life as well. He's alright, but he's a little far away, on the other side of the Earth...

And, I think, maybe you have us... it's kinda like a family, right? I always think that in the Nation of the Internet, the forums are kinda like families. Because we just here, talking about stuff what we like, about life, and whatever what pops into our minds. I think it is a little step, too, that you're here, and you could tell what is your problem.
When comes to online forums, I always say "Never forget Densha Otoko!"
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Old 2008-08-11, 10:03   Link #143
Nenkitsune
Ive been MikuCaramellized
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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Yeah, too bad I'm financially unable to support myself. otherwise I'd move out, get an apartment by myself, and just work like normal, get my 280z fixed, and just keep myself occupied with my Z

I'm not really an outcast though.
You know how little kids have that shell they have to keep themselves from getting hurt by strangers? It's more apparent in the shy ones that hide behind their mother's.
I have that shell still. Instead of it fading out like it should, it stayed and got thicker.
So getting it to go away isn't exactly easy.
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Old 2008-08-11, 11:05   Link #144
Amray
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: England
Age: 24
Nenkitsune, I can see why you see things the way they are, you seem to have had a tough time through the first stage of your life and have been put down a lot. But now it is time for stage 2! ^_^

You should try and move on from your past where people have put you down and start something fresh. Like, start some kind of job and work yourself up the ladder, that is ofcourse if you currently do not have one. Maybe even go back into education like college and university. Although, for those things I suppose their is intuition fees to worry about. Both these things can help you make more and newer friends and before you realise it you will be invited to parties and going to a friends house for some tea and to play Super Smash Bros.

I suppose that I cannot help being so popular and liked, because I am just so handsome. Oh! That is another thing that you need! Lots of confidence.
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Old 2008-08-11, 13:40   Link #145
Irenicus
Le fou, c'est moi
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Las Vegas, NV, USA
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Solais View Post
But, you. Your life were ruined because of friends, you're like my godfather, fleeing from life. I can understand why can't you trust anyone, you were betrayed badly, it's a scar, what you can't forget. However, you can't be an outcast forever, because this will get worse, and you might want to jump under the train. I think, you somehow need to start an entirely new life, far from your family, your home, etc. And when it happened, you just need to open up. There is a new environment, nobody will know you, and you can be yourself again. Oh, and my godfather was started a new life as well. He's alright, but he's a little far away, on the other side of the Earth...
[Devil's Advocate Mode]

However, for someone who isn't socially integrated, even a new environment might not help unless done right.

Nenkitsune's story is really...troubled. So I can perfectly accept his problems, and I agree that shedding the old baggage might just prove the thing he needs for his life. Unfortunately, it could also go like this:

He takes up the courage, say in his mind, you know what, screw the fucking shit out of this old life, make a new one! America is big, there's going to be a corner for him somewhere. And he did move; though that first step was terribly draining, he has his problems after all, and even "perfect" people get nervous from such a big change, it gave him hope.

And now he's settled into the new city, in a decent apartment of his own, feeling the hope and freedom, and...

Nothing.

Socially extroverted individuals will find it not too hard: just go to a pub, a bar, or some other random places to meet people (I can't think of one...because I'm not exactly extroverted, hey). They talk, they make friends, things go from there.

What would people who already have issues like this do*?

It's terribly easy to lock oneself in a room, with work and shopping for necessities the only outside activities for survival, and this magical world of 1's and 0's the only true connection outside one's immediate routine. It doesn't sound like that bad of a life, of course, contrary to popular opinions humans can survive perfectly fine with only limited contact to the outside world () -- there were quite a few of such souls in past histories: hermits and spinsters, individuals whose lives rarely led them out of their places -- but the psychological weight of self-hating for being at this position can make an idyllic, quiet existence "I'm me in my own happy world" into a tortured one, just like it can make any life, even the most glamorous and outwardly "fulfilling."

[/Devil's Advocate]

However, if Nenkitsune's reading this, do note: that's just a Devil's Advocate! Don't listen to the pessimistic scum above, he's just Mr. Scratch's Lawyer, and we all know lawyers are evil, so Mr. Scratch's lawyer is evil x evil!

So really, you should listen to Solais' advice. Or not. We don't know you; we only know as much as you'd tell us, and even then even less, communications through words being what they are. However, some general advices do apply:

1) Psychiatrists can help. They might diagnose your problem for real or they might say you're aren't that bad off and will help you move on in swift order (honestly, a lot of people go through a lot of them wikipedia lists and come out believing all sorts, so professionals are better). If it's the latter case, say thanks to the gods that you don't believe (or do) and enjoy the ego boost of feeling "normal." You need it. Ego boosts aren't bad, they're as crucial to a human as prejudice and people who are worse off than him or her.

2) Take small steps. Or radical steps. It's your choice, but the former's easier in the short run. Never ever take those kinds of radical steps that cause physical harm to anyone though. Yuuko of xxxHolic said it well, it's a burden that's only going to crush everyone, not a release.

3) What do you enjoy in life? Asuki? Anime? Manga? Us nice people who think we can give advices we aren't qualified for on the 'net? The nice air you get to feel on your way to work?

*An appropriate answer to the Advocate sonofabitch above: plan out your paths to expose yourself to more people, preferably people who understand your problems. Support groups are a start if you're truly in need of them, but never linger; once you're patched up a bit move on to something bigger and less self-pitying. In this Irenicus' experience, I ended up making friends the best when I share an activity I enjoy with people. So my Junior year in High School was never short on friends: my debate team friends are nice and intelligent, even if I'm the quiet one of the group; my bus ride friends are friendly Freshmen who I enjoyed hanging out with immensely, but they were the ones who approached me; and there are other school friends of course -- while my Senior year, when I moved school, was rather lonely despite past friendships forged and nice people who understand I'm a quiet introvert. I wasn't bad off, but I missed that other year a lot.

College...I have yet to make friends. Not one. I have problems too, as you can see.

The lesson? Answer that question three above, and we'll talk. Find something you enjoy, share it with online friends (they're the easiest to make for introverted people), and maybe you can do something together once in a while.
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Old 2008-08-11, 17:19   Link #146
Nenkitsune
Ive been MikuCaramellized
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
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heh, now I'm not sure what to write anymore
but thanks

I'm sure eventually things will work out somehow. That's what normally happens, right?

anyways, seeing a psychiatrist would be the absolute last thing I do. >_> unless there's such a thing as an online psychiatrist I can talk to on aim.
Since I'd end up going there (if I manage to) think a bit, then go "Ah.....I think I'm ok" and leave before talking to anyone.

I have quite a few good online friends that share the same hobbies as I do (mostly old datsun Z's) however, they all live very very very far away, so actually seeing them isn't going to happen.
having online friends though, isn't nearly the same. The internet makes even the shyest of people bold.
I could tell someone for no reason at all "Fuck you bastard" get them all pissed off, but is there any downside for me? sure, a few angry words I can ignore not to read. Do that in real life, and the consequences multiply 1000 fold. BUT if it's a person I know personally, I'm a lot more cautious with what I tell them.
The only friends I make are the ones that approach me and that I think are nice. So, basically that makes me stuck. I work at starbucks, so meeting people there is kind of ackward (and at times it only further make me realize how socially inept I am) and I'm not currently in school, so that doesn't work either.
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Last edited by Nenkitsune; 2008-08-11 at 17:36.
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Old 2012-06-20, 02:33   Link #147
Cold~as~Ice
this is how its done
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
the people that came to know me have said I was a cool charismatic guy to hang around with but there were times where I was seen as selfish and too cocky and sometimes I would hurt other peoples feelings to the point where they would never speak to me again . I blame my not care attitude sometimes.

that's why I switched my username
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Old 2012-06-20, 06:06   Link #148
Pink Cow
This is my title.
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philippines
Hmm...

I say things without thinking, so many times I would be misunderstood. It's happened quite a lot of times that I say something though I don't mean it, and it's annoyed plenty of people.
Actually, I nearly got into a fight with one of my groupmates in med school last month because of said habit.

I think that's my worst. Most of everything else bad about me stem from that.
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Last edited by Pink Cow; 2012-06-20 at 07:01. Reason: A little more detail.
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Old 2012-06-20, 06:26   Link #149
grylsyjaeger
Onani Master
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: The girl's bathroom
Age: 25
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I'm pretty good at hitting people right where it hurts verbally when I get a bit miffed at them or am just having a really bad day and like a jerk take it out on them.
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Old 2012-06-20, 06:31   Link #150
MeoTwister5
Komrades of Kitamura Kou
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Where I can learn to be lonely.
Age: 30
I used to have this tendency to really, REALLY withdraw into myself when I get really hurt. It's a horrible defense mechanism I know, and I push away people sometimes hurtfully in the process even when I don't intend to. I've learned to do away with it, or at least minimize my tendency to do so, over the years, but sometimes it just gets difficult to avoid it when the emotional strain piles up. I didn't have a lot of defense mechanisms to cope with it so it's one of those things I hope to completely get rid of at some point.
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Old 2012-06-20, 10:04   Link #151
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
Hail the power of Fujoshi
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: hahahahahahahahaha
Age: 25
I have a number of sub-personalities that are unpleasant even to me. My friends see me as loud, cool, mature and the daredevil type. But I am not. That's just a cover. I am actually insecure and afraid of many things, but I dare not show it to my friends. I guess you could say I am a fake. I am afraid of them accepting the ugly side of me. What's worse is that I know they will not abandon me for this, but I don't trust them enough.
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Old stuff but just a reminder that butthurt report form is here to help
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Old 2012-06-20, 12:07   Link #152
Kirito
Tease to Please!♥
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Spending Christmas With Clara and Alice
Age: 25
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The problem people have with me is that I'm too cynical and negative. I generally am a nice guy but when people end up doing something for me whether it's a favor or a request I end up asking why are you doing this for me and then it leads to arguments and them being upset with me.

People don't normally befriend or help me, so it's kind of a defense mechanism I've built up over the years and it's hard to break out of.
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Old 2012-06-20, 12:11   Link #153
Sumeragi
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Dai Korai Teikoku
I wonder if anyone WANTS to know me at my worst.
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Old 2012-06-20, 12:17   Link #154
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumeragi View Post
I wonder if anyone WANTS to know me at my worst.
Worse than mine? Anyone who pisses me off, I have the urge to murder him/her on the spot.

It is the worst defense mechanism one can ever have. Continue shouting at me, and I'll just keep staring at your throat.

And some colleagues of mine ask me where did I get so much patience at listening to people.
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Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2012-06-20, 12:19   Link #155
Paranoid Android
Underweight Food Hoarder
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Kitch-Water and T.O., Canada
Age: 23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumeragi View Post
I wonder if anyone WANTS to know me at my worst.
The first thing that comes to mind is overly attached girlfriend.
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Old 2012-06-20, 12:55   Link #156
Sumeragi
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Worse than mine? Anyone who pisses me off, I have the urge to murder him/her on the spot.

It is the worst defense mechanism one can ever have. Continue shouting at me, and I'll just keep staring at your throat.

And some colleagues of mine ask me where did I get so much patience at listening to people.
Otouto, that is just so weak. So, so weak.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
The first thing that comes to mind is overly attached girlfriend.
Let's just say Yuno is beneath me.
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Old 2012-06-20, 13:02   Link #157
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumeragi View Post
Otouto, that is just so weak. So, so weak.
Then what do you expect me to do?

Most of the lines I have been in requires me to listen to consumers acting as though they are kings. As much as I would like to tell them that I don't need their abusive patronage, the business owner does not think so.

If there is an incentive of commission, I don't mind. If they want a 20% discount when every store is drawing a 5-7% profit (save for ripoffs and Alibaba), I would just tell them to casually take a walk around the entire mall, and if they can find one that is 20% cheaper, buy from there.

For a country that scores top at Math around the world, I am quite surprised that many are unable to do a simple calculation of profit-loss.
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When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2012-06-20, 13:02   Link #158
Sumeragi
Banned
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Dai Korai Teikoku
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Then what do you expect me to do?
Use piano strings to do some torture, for starters.
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Old 2012-06-20, 13:05   Link #159
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumeragi View Post
Use piano strings to do some torture, for starters.
I live in a small country, and police respond quickly to aggravated assault cases. If I don't kill the person fast enough, he/she will rise to abuse others again.

Torture? The best starter is always pepper spray, not into the eyes, but straight down the throat. Then it is dry shaving ALL the hair from the person, while making him/her look straight into the mirror.
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When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2012-06-20, 20:18   Link #160
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
the worst side of me is that when things get worse it ends up hurting everyone even myself,
when there are issues between me and someone i just try to ignore them by being quite, but they go on and on, then i would never co-operate with them just throw them out like trash
Later i think, i should have said something back then atleast i would have defended myself, then i won't be feeling sad,
there are times i feel, insecure and helpless, but the best thing to do is keep all that inside me, because the world out there is not for weaklings
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