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Old 2012-08-11, 18:08   Link #10621
Tigress
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: The Abyss
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I am going to make a point and you guys might not like. But I will do it anyway.

Nice guy syndrome seems to come about when guys try to get girls who are clearly out of their league and usually those girls like badboys. I don't look like a model or anything since I fall under "okay looking" and I am happy that I am just me so dont think this is a superficial statement.

A slightly nerdy but cute guy who thinks he is robert pattinson or someone approaches hottest woman in the room. He makes conversation but she isn't buying it. Maybe she accepts a drink and makes conversation but she isn't into that guy really and he thinks if he could be more assertive he would get her. It is not always the case.

The pretty girl on the other side of the room is probably the one they should be approaching rather than the one with fake hair and nails and too much makeup. Hee ^.^

I see it a lot when I am out. I can be a little superficial myself sometimes when it comes to certain things. I think totally hot guys are out of my league but as example if someone has poor hygiene they are not getting anywhere. yuck.
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Old 2012-08-11, 19:13   Link #10622
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
I am going to make a point and you guys might not like. But I will do it anyway.

Nice guy syndrome seems to come about when guys try to get girls who are clearly out of their league and usually those girls like badboys. I don't look like a model or anything since I fall under "okay looking" and I am happy that I am just me so dont think this is a superficial statement.

A slightly nerdy but cute guy who thinks he is robert pattinson or someone approaches hottest woman in the room. He makes conversation but she isn't buying it. Maybe she accepts a drink and makes conversation but she isn't into that guy really and he thinks if he could be more assertive he would get her. It is not always the case.
No such thing as "out of your league". She'll only be "out of your league" if you think she is, and act like she is.

If you act like she is your equal, she'll come around. Or she just won't be in to you.

That said, if you're obese, or physically deformed, it might be tricky, but not too tricky if you make sure to ignore the physical difference.

If you think she's above you, why should she disagree? And why should you expect her to go out with someone beneath her?
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Old 2012-08-11, 19:55   Link #10623
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
Update on my situation. I am not upset about this. I am quite contented. ^.^

So all in all it didn't work out. But I do believe that it has worked out far better than if I had said no in the first place. The kissing and cuddling stuff was all aok but anytime it got a little further than that we would both just start giggling. It was too awkward and we agreed to put it down to an experience and go back to how we were as friends and he said he is glad we did try it.

I have not lost a friend at all. It's a relief really and tbh I decided to give it a go since I would probably regret not giving him a chance. He thought that since we got on so well and he also found me physically attractive that it would be enough. It is my opinion that we may get along TOO well. We are more like family than someone that could be lovers.

I would have hated it to have come between us. Had we become lovers and then split, it would have been much rather to return to friend status. That is why we took it slowly since there was far to much to loose.

We have talked and we have laughed about it all. End of a chapter. ^.^
In the long run, it won't feel so bad. Like you said, you still have a friendship and being able to laugh it off is better than being filled with regrets.
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Old 2012-08-12, 08:36   Link #10624
Tigress
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@ Don. I know I am not exactly the most goodlooking person. I accept my limitations.
It's not a confidence thing. I just know where I stand.

@whitepearl. Exactly ^.^
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Old 2012-08-13, 06:03   Link #10625
csuree
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about this came to my mind a good movie.. it is kinda low budget movie but the message is the main reason why i feel like attracted to it. the title:

She's out of my league

i will say this like a trailer: guy meets girl, he thinks he's not worthy for her, she thinks he is a nice guy.....

for the rest, just watch it. i really felt like connected cuz the MC is a bit like me.

another thing about "our looks"......until recently i thought of myself the same way.... "i know my limitations and i know i'm not a very handsome guy" i said it many times.

but these days i don't know how but i heard from many (not just a few) girls, indirectly through talking to someone, that those girls think i am a good-looking guy.....it seriously put me to re-think how i see myself. until now i said i'm ugly, i don't have the looks, but it seems that girls think differently.

probably you also need someone to say to you that you are indeed a gorgeous girl, and after you will hear this from total strangers then you will re-think it, like i did.

i would like you to share a picture if you can....so i can give you my opinion. as for me... i have a pic on my profile page but i will post 1 here as soon as i am home.

really looks do not matter when it comes to love,

just a quote: "you are beautiful no matter what they say (in every single way) i don't know what song was it from...but i know the lyrics"

honestly don't settle for the mediocre when you can get to the top.......your way of thinking about your looks is negative..... try it in a positive manner:
negative: i don't look good enough, i know my limitations
positive: i look good enough to overcome these limitations.

try it.... after i heard from those girls about me i started to be more concerned about looking good (not to the extreme - just normally....being freshly shaved, my hair done, more careful about personal hygiene) not that i did not care until then, but more like instead of taking 5 minutes to arrange myself, i take now an extra 2-3 minutes to be sure i do not miss anything.

i say it now, don't be so pessimistic......post a picture... and if it turns out that you are beautiful, and you are my type too, then it will be hard for you to get rid of me :P :P

take care,
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Old 2012-08-13, 09:16   Link #10626
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
really looks do not matter when it comes to love,
I agree and disagree. When you're in a loving relationship, your partner will likely find you attractive because of their feelings for you (and vice versa). However, you have to get into a relationship first. Making yourself as physically attractive as possible is a way to cause others to give you a second look, or at the very least, to not write you off immediately. It maintains the window of opportunity to charm them or to have them learn more about you, all while still considering your potential for a relationship.
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Old 2012-08-13, 13:33   Link #10627
csuree
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Well you are right about that too, but i saw many guys who really looked like sh!t and they were with a girlfriend that my jaw just dropped down.. and this is beginning to be common occurence around this part.

so i promised i'd post some pictures about myself

this is me 2008
please mind that i was doing my best for these shots


and this is me in summer 2010



so i'm ready to accept some comments but i know what you will say... "you look very ok. honestly i know that....

looks are important to only a certain degree....what matters is what you have in your head and heart.
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Old 2012-08-13, 14:09   Link #10628
Paradoxine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
I am going to make a point and you guys might not like. But I will do it anyway.

Nice guy syndrome seems to come about when guys try to get girls who are clearly out of their league and usually those girls like badboys. I don't look like a model or anything since I fall under "okay looking" and I am happy that I am just me so dont think this is a superficial statement.

A slightly nerdy but cute guy who thinks he is robert pattinson or someone approaches hottest woman in the room. He makes conversation but she isn't buying it. Maybe she accepts a drink and makes conversation but she isn't into that guy really and he thinks if he could be more assertive he would get her. It is not always the case.

The pretty girl on the other side of the room is probably the one they should be approaching rather than the one with fake hair and nails and too much makeup. Hee ^.^

I see it a lot when I am out. I can be a little superficial myself sometimes when it comes to certain things. I think totally hot guys are out of my league but as example if someone has poor hygiene they are not getting anywhere. yuck.
I don't think girls don't like nice guys so much as they don't like boring guys. Besides that, you probably have a point. In any case, I probably shouldn't even be in this thread because I haven't been concerned with finding a 'partner' for years. I thought It was just worth pointing out.

Finally, I'm going to draw on one of your points about the so called 'Out of his/her league' factor. There are no league's. There is simply what you have to offer a potential partner and whether they want it. For those mathematically inclined, think of it as an equation where:

What you can offer >= What they want

Whether this is looks, social status, entertainment, comfort, respite from loneliness, financial security, don't fool yourself into thinking that the other party is the problem when you just aren't cutting it.
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Old 2012-08-13, 17:13   Link #10629
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Paradoxine View Post
Finally, I'm going to draw on one of your points about the so called 'Out of his/her league' factor. There are no league's. There is simply what you have to offer a potential partner and whether they want it. For those mathematically inclined, think of it as an equation where:

What you can offer >= What they want

Whether this is looks, social status, entertainment, comfort, respite from loneliness, financial security, don't fool yourself into thinking that the other party is the problem when you just aren't cutting it.
I think this is a good way of putting it. What is worth remembering is that you can never be too sure of what exactly the other person wants, so you should talk to them anyway and find out. Assume nothing! Maybe you're exactly what they're looking for, maybe you're not.

A corollary to this is that if you don't think you have anything to offer anyone, you should probably try to work on that fact before going on to the dating scene. If you don't think you have anything to offer, don't expect anyone to take pity on you. Such angelic women(and men) exist only in the realms of Anime.

Have confidence that you have something to offer any person you might meet. Most people don't want much more then a good conversationalist who can make them laugh.
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Old 2012-08-13, 20:20   Link #10630
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
Well you are right about that too, but i saw many guys who really looked like sh!t and they were with a girlfriend that my jaw just dropped down.. and this is beginning to be common occurence around this part.
Everyone has different standards. You never know, also: some relationships have interesting circumstances behind them. A girl may have been at a low point and the guy just happened to be in the right place at the right time, with the right words. The big point is, looking your best can only help you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
so i promised i'd post some pictures about myself
It takes a lot of bravery to put photos of yourself online, in front of an anonymous audience, so I'll comment. To be perfectly honest, based on your photos, when I see guys like you I tend to assume that most women find them attractive. Granted, the way you move and behave play another large role in how you come across to others, and obviously we can't get a sense of that from the photos. But good for you - that's one thing you don't have to worry about!
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Old 2012-08-13, 21:57   Link #10631
ChainLegacy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I encountered problems when I began dating, though. My friends were used to spending a lot of time together, but I had to split my time between them and my girlfriend. As a result, I was increasingly left out of their activities. I was able to maintain my friendship with another friend who was also dating, however, as we could do things together while bringing out girlfriends along, and our expectations regarding time commitment (as well as the general directions of our lives) were similar. The transition doesn't always have to be so rough, it's just a matter of friends' expectations and activities.
One of my closer friends was just married this weekend and my other has a girlfriend now for quite some time. Made me feel a little silly pursuing my casual liaisons when I realized I was at my buddy's wedding reception... Though I wouldn't be able to spend nearly the same amount of time with these friends as in the past, it certainly makes me think. I figured 23 was young for all this but apparently not within my circle. I'll have to play catch up somehow
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Old 2012-08-14, 05:39   Link #10632
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
One of my closer friends was just married this weekend and my other has a girlfriend now for quite some time. Made me feel a little silly pursuing my casual liaisons when I realized I was at my buddy's wedding reception... Though I wouldn't be able to spend nearly the same amount of time with these friends as in the past, it certainly makes me think. I figured 23 was young for all this but apparently not within my circle. I'll have to play catch up somehow
Jaysus. I don't want to be tieing the knot with anyone for at least another 5 years.
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Old 2012-08-14, 06:11   Link #10633
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChainLegacy View Post
One of my closer friends was just married this weekend and my other has a girlfriend now for quite some time. Made me feel a little silly pursuing my casual liaisons when I realized I was at my buddy's wedding reception... Though I wouldn't be able to spend nearly the same amount of time with these friends as in the past, it certainly makes me think. I figured 23 was young for all this but apparently not within my circle. I'll have to play catch up somehow
I'm with DonQuigleone on this one. Not until I'm at least 28. We live till we're 80/90 years old in these day and age, why should we rush to get someone so soon? Have fun for a bit damn it.
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Old 2012-08-14, 07:10   Link #10634
Paranoid Android
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Oh my best friend hasn't been in a formal relationship and I hope he doesn't forget to hang out with me when he does.
----------------------------
Marrying at 23 does seem young for men as they are generally a few years older than their spouse. But hey, we all have different expectations. To me, raising a family is more concerning than marriage (go hand-in-hand but aren't the same).

By the time a married couple is 40, they would lose a lot ambition in their education and career. They would start paying more attention to enjoying what they have already and what they can do with the current state of the family. At that point, you could either have kids in their mid/late teens or kids that are less than 10. It makes quite a difference in your life. Especially when your overgrown kids move out. You'd still have many years of just the two of you. And then you hit that mid-age where you begin to notice your mental deterioration and possibly lose the drive to do things you wanted to do.
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Old 2012-08-14, 15:18   Link #10635
zebra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
so i'm ready to accept some comments but i know what you will say... "you look very ok. honestly i know that....
You really don't have to worry about your looks, you're attractive and well-kept!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I'm with DonQuigleone on this one. Not until I'm at least 28. We live till we're 80/90 years old in these day and age, why should we rush to get someone so soon? Have fun for a bit damn it.
I agree Marriage and kids are a resposibility you have for the rest of your life, there's no need to hurry. I won't find myself married before I feel ready for it. End of your twenties seems to be the point where you have some consistency in your life, like earning a decent salary and having experienced enough spontaneous adventures.
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Old 2012-08-14, 15:39   Link #10636
Tigress
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
It takes a lot of bravery to put photos of yourself online, in front of an anonymous audience, so I'll comment. To be perfectly honest, based on your photos, when I see guys like you I tend to assume that most women find them attractive. Granted, the way you move and behave play another large role in how you come across to others, and obviously we can't get a sense of that from the photos. But good for you - that's one thing you don't have to worry about!
QFT

Csuree You are brave to post photos on line because I can never do it. I will agree and say that you are an attractive guy. Don't appear like you want a gf too much and play it cool but not too cool. Girls will like you more if they feel they have to win you over just a little. Good luck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paradoxine View Post
I don't think girls don't like nice guys so much as they don't like boring guys. Besides that, you probably have a point. In any case, I probably shouldn't even be in this thread because I haven't been concerned with finding a 'partner' for years. I thought It was just worth pointing out.

Finally, I'm going to draw on one of your points about the so called 'Out of his/her league' factor. There are no league's. There is simply what you have to offer a potential partner and whether they want it. For those mathematically inclined, think of it as an equation where:

What you can offer >= What they want

Whether this is looks, social status, entertainment, comfort, respite from loneliness, financial security, don't fool yourself into thinking that the other party is the problem when you just aren't cutting it.
Possibly. I am somewhat naive and have a lot to learn about people and relationships. This is why I say that I am immature in a lot of ways. ^.^
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Old 2012-08-14, 16:35   Link #10637
csuree
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ohh thank you for those kind words....i feel flattered.

and about wanting to get a girl... i'm not rushing things.....at all.... i like taking everything slowly... (came to mind the difference between me and my bro...in driving....he had 7 accidents in 4 years, no injury only stupidity, last one this Sunday.... and i have licence since 5 years ago and no accident, only 1 speeding ticket (+2 mph above the limit). so you can guess how i am...

if i enjoy something i take it slowly....even with hooking up with a girl if she will move too fast, i think i will tell her to not to rush things. i have my perception about love and how should a relationship go in terms of evolution.

and about marrying early....don't do it.....my parents did it and they kinda struggled...i know it first hand....my mom was 20 and my dad 24 when i was born....and they started with nothing but love and hard work.....
i also respect them... in 20 years they managed to buy an apartment and to build a house and buy 2 cars with a salary of 250$+250$ / month and they (i will use a more vulgar expression) worked their a$$ off for this;

i do not think i can do this much in my life but i will try my best....i also want to give as much to my kids as my parents gave to theirs.

also i plan to get maried at around 28-29....i have to catch up cuz of the lack of exp, but if fate brings me my soulmate on the very first occasion then the plan will change :P

and thinking about it many people have 10-20 relationships before getting settled this means 5-10% success rate, but if i find it on the first try then i will have 100%. hmmmm...so i will be better than the rest HAHAHA.....

just kidding....but it made me smile a bit....these days i'm kinda happy for some unknown reason xD :P


and also Tigress,.... girls will have a tough time with me... given my multilateral personality with my peculiar tastes....i think i have the "spice" for an adventure.. i don't like to do things too much time.. even if it is fun it gets boring after a while, so i change, and adapt....but if i like something really much.. it will stick with me for like a very long time.
don't be hard on yourself.....by your posts you seem mature indeed, and anyhow you have to be a little immature else this life will get boring :P

by the way girls.. you made me curious about yourselves....so i am politely asking for a photo or two....just a teaser....you made me interested :P
if you are embarrassed i accept it as private message too... i promise i will not release them in public :P

i have like a dozen secrets i will take to my grave )
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Old 2012-08-14, 16:47   Link #10638
Pink Cow
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
I am going to make a point and you guys might not like. But I will do it anyway.

Nice guy syndrome seems to come about when guys try to get girls who are clearly out of their league and usually those girls like badboys. I don't look like a model or anything since I fall under "okay looking" and I am happy that I am just me so dont think this is a superficial statement.

A slightly nerdy but cute guy who thinks he is robert pattinson or someone approaches hottest woman in the room. He makes conversation but she isn't buying it. Maybe she accepts a drink and makes conversation but she isn't into that guy really and he thinks if he could be more assertive he would get her. It is not always the case.

The pretty girl on the other side of the room is probably the one they should be approaching rather than the one with fake hair and nails and too much makeup. Hee ^.^

I see it a lot when I am out. I can be a little superficial myself sometimes when it comes to certain things. I think totally hot guys are out of my league but as example if someone has poor hygiene they are not getting anywhere. yuck.
I'm a woman myself too, but I can't seem to understand why other women prefer the "bad boys". In my case, I prefer the nice guys. I must be weird. Lol.

And yeah I kinda think the same way. That totally hot guys are out of my league as well. Lol.
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Old 2012-08-14, 19:11   Link #10639
csuree
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the theory behind the girls liking the bad boys is this. many of the women think that a nice guy is dull boring and no fun at all...meaning no new things, boring days ahead, no adventure,
But a bad boy always brings something new, always keeps the girl on the edge with a surprise, adventure every day, passionate lovemaking....etc... i think you get it....so girls crave for adventure from the bad boyz but they also crave for the security provided by the nice guyz who understand them as women as an intellectual being who needs comforting too, not just carnal desires, this is why girlz are in dilemma.

the thing is if the nice guy can show an aspect of him resembling a bad boy but also maintaining the nice guy too the it is a sure hit one strike KO for the girl :P

"the totally hot guyz are out of my league as well"......i only laugh at this.....in today's world the boyz court, but the girls get to choose it is all about marketing. if you can sell your "merchandise", or you "advertise it" well then you will find "customers". i saw many "average or below average girls who completely seduced boys by having normal amount of make-up and their hair was also done in a good manner, i don't mean to say that you girls are not doing it. no offense, but it is the advertising part that is giving you problems.

boys like to think that they are conquering the lady, but in fact is the girls lead us by the nose, and they are conquering us... there are so many seduction courses nowadays for boys....and it is all for capturing the attention of the girls. some use it to get in bed with many girls, but the original reason for these courses are that there are many-many-many "nice guys"out there who do not have the courage and hence this causes them to not have a fighting chance in falling in love, as for the cheeky bad boys, they are sleeping with numerous girls dumping them cheating on them etc....etc....

so i came up with the real problem and the solution to this which is essentially one fairly long word but it will say everything......and that word is........COMMUNICATION.......

this is the problem....the lack of communication between the guy and the girl.. the main issue is that the girls are a bit impatient and when they meet somebody they want to gt impressed real fast, so the guy who takes its time in getting to know the girl, already lost the battle...

i am that kind of guy......i simply can not impress anybody in a day or an hour.....i ususally impress somebody during the course of a few weeks....

and if the girl would sit down and talk to the guy for at least 2-3-4 days she would become interested in him,

i am not blaming only the girls, the guys have their fair share of problems too......and that is 1 word......BALLS......

we don't quite have the balls to go to a girl and talk to her in a way that impresses her.....and if you have the balls then you fail elsewhere....lack of attention nervousness, and so on.....

every now or then the two sides should just sit down and talk things over it would simplify everything.....

so don't anyone dare to say someone is out of his/her league.....it is only in your head....

it is known that some of the loneliest persons in the world are the most beautiful ones; males, females included,

that is because we normal people do not have the courage to go and talk to them ....we are afraid of made up scenarios that they will not like it when you go up to them and talk.

so courage, determination, open mindedness and optimism.... and you will get a guy/girl anytime....

(PS: and these advice came from a 24 year old virgin who did not have his first kiss in his entire life... very LOL....don't you think??)

anyhow that was only for breaking the serious tone of my post.... you can just ignore it like you never read it ok?.....if not......i will get......angry....and you don't like me when i'm angry.....

hahaha.. again this hilarious atmosphere has caught up to me.. sorry i just feel like joking every minute...

take care, and heads up.....(but beware of pigeons flying over you) as one asian philosopher once said: "Upon seeing the shadow of a bird, one must resist the urge to look up."


ooops i think i have a habit to have a long post.....i wish i was this talkative in the real life when meeting a girl....
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Old 2012-08-14, 19:42   Link #10640
Knightrunner
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I'm not sure how many people feel this way, but I think us guys have it easy just to ask who we want out compared to the gal who only can choose the people that asked her out.

I'm starting to wonder if mentioning I am a tutor is a turn off to some people though.
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