AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2012-08-14, 19:51   Link #10641
GDB
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightrunner View Post
I'm not sure how many people feel this way, but I think us guys have it easy just to ask who we want out compared to the gal who only can choose the people that asked her out.
What kind of Sadie Hawkins-only world are you living in? Girls are perfectly capable of asking out whoever they damn well please. And unlike guys, they usually won't get rejected unless they're nuts.
GDB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-14, 20:10   Link #10642
Jmac
Sharing my world thru art
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Anywhere I can draw inspiration from
Age: 31
Man, you guys make marriage seem the bane of humanity lol! But I agree don't rush into things because of society or pressure. But marriage with the one you truly love is the best thing in life. Granted they're some days my wife get on my nerves so bad that I want to lock her up and throw away the key, but I love her more than anything in this world. Celebrating 4 years of marriage this year :P. Patience will reward you
__________________
Jmac is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-14, 20:48   Link #10643
Samari
World's Greatest
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Francisco
Age: 26
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
__________________

"Every light must fade, every heart return to darkness!"
永遠不要失去信心,你的命運。
Samari is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-14, 20:53   Link #10644
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paranoid Android View Post
Marrying at 23 does seem young for men as they are generally a few years older than their spouse. But hey, we all have different expectations. To me, raising a family is more concerning than marriage (go hand-in-hand but aren't the same).
Shrug. I'm a few months older than my wife; when we married I was 24 and she was at the end of being 23. We had been together for 3-4 years before that point. While I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to go through my mid-20's with no truly committed relationship, I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have enjoyed it or "made use of it." We're both working toward the same, demanding career, and it's been wonderful to be able to learn from and support each other as we go through it. When it comes down to it, she's as perfect for me as I could realistically expect from anyone. I cherish the time I have with her, and look forward to going through the rest of my life with her. It's why I proposed to her in the first place.

Don't set superficial targets for things like getting married. I never thought that I would get married in my early 20's; I always figured it would be the late 20's or early 30's. But then, I never counted on meeting such a wonderful woman at that stage of my life. We dated for a few years before I proposed to her, so it's not the case that I rushed it - you should certainly take your time to evaluate the person, and consider the marriage potential. But if you've found the right person, even if it's earlier (or later) than you were planning, then why not? Life never goes according to plan anyway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Exciting news - congratulations!
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 05:39   Link #10645
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Age: 27
Send a message via Skype™ to Dextro
Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Congratulations then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jmac View Post
Man, you guys make marriage seem the bane of humanity lol! But I agree don't rush into things because of society or pressure. But marriage with the one you truly love is the best thing in life. Granted they're some days my wife get on my nerves so bad that I want to lock her up and throw away the key, but I love her more than anything in this world. Celebrating 4 years of marriage this year :P. Patience will reward you
My thing with marriage is not seeing it as a bane or something but seeing it as completely and utterly useless. I find it extremely unfair that some people get tax breaks and other government advantages just because they signed a contract with each other. It's a seriously outdated notion and to me represents yet another way that religion has affected everyday life. If I ever get married it'll probably be because whoever I'm with wants to, not because I'll particularly push for it.
__________________

Dextro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 09:03   Link #10646
Tigress
Member
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: The Abyss
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Shrug. I'm a few months older than my wife; when we married I was 24 and she was at the end of being 23. We had been together for 3-4 years before that point. While I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to go through my mid-20's with no truly committed relationship, I know myself well enough to know that I wouldn't have enjoyed it or "made use of it." We're both working toward the same, demanding career, and it's been wonderful to be able to learn from and support each other as we go through it. When it comes down to it, she's as perfect for me as I could realistically expect from anyone. I cherish the time I have with her, and look forward to going through the rest of my life with her. It's why I proposed to her in the first place.

Don't set superficial targets for things like getting married. I never thought that I would get married in my early 20's; I always figured it would be the late 20's or early 30's. But then, I never counted on meeting such a wonderful woman at that stage of my life. We dated for a few years before I proposed to her, so it's not the case that I rushed it - you should certainly take your time to evaluate the person, and consider the marriage potential. But if you've found the right person, even if it's earlier (or later) than you were planning, then why not? Life never goes according to plan anyway


Exciting news - congratulations!
That's so beautiful. I believe the same really. If I found someone who adored me as much as I him then I would not let him go. My favourite auntie who is such a sweet lady and I sometimes spend some summers with her is a role model of what not to do. She told me about the guy she was dating when they were both 21. They mutually split because they were too young to marry but she really loved him. Now she regrets it with everything because the one she went on to marry in the end left her with 2 small kids and went off with another one. Her kids are my age now but she never dated anyone again. I would never want to settle for second best like she did. ^.^
Tigress is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 12:22   Link #10647
csuree
The Most Wanted™
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Romania, Oradea
Age: 26
Send a message via Yahoo to csuree
ohhh.. yep you are right, never settle for 2nd place when you have the chance to win.

many times i think if girls nowadays are so liberal in terms of mentality so they go and ask boys out....where were they when i needed them the most.....
ok i'm just kidding, but girls do go after the guy they like but in an indirect way, to make the guy notice her, so if you ever encounter a girl like that, go for it (if you are single); i'm not a fan of cheating, i am actually against it, break up if you don't like your partner...no?

and one little thing to add... when you are in love you see the world in pink so sometimes you end up with the wrong person even if they love each other....so i think some rational thought might be good to insert there not just the feeling....

i think i never had the situation where a girl tried to make me notice her.....or i was too preoccupied with something else....that was my biggest fear in high school.....that i chase after a girl and ignore or not notice the one that chases me...

up until now i have no info about it but if i heard that there was a girl that liked me then.....i'd do something regrettable for being an ignorant fool about the only chance that could have made my high school life bearable.

anyway enough of the past.. we live in the present and there are a ton of girls waiting for me out there....so i have to get to work.....

i was searching yesterday on badoo for girls in my zone just to see the "merchandise" and i think i have a weakness for girls whose eyes are captivating (blue, green, grey) and also i prefer girls with longer hair....short hair is for boys i think, but i saw many girls who looked awesome with short hair so it depends on the person...
generally i would say that a girl appeals to me enough when i look at her from head to toe and the general aspect gives off harmony in her beauty....
this is why i don't say i prefer girls with huge racks although flat chest is a no-no or something like that....
if i look at a girl and that harmony is present then she is on my "hunting list"
__________________
Go for your dreams, never give up.Because when you give up your dreams, you die!
csuree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 12:43   Link #10648
Pink Cow
This is my title.
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philippines
Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
the theory behind the girls liking the bad boys is this. many of the women think that a nice guy is dull boring and no fun at all...meaning no new things, boring days ahead, no adventure,
But a bad boy always brings something new, always keeps the girl on the edge with a surprise, adventure every day, passionate lovemaking....etc... i think you get it....so girls crave for adventure from the bad boyz but they also crave for the security provided by the nice guyz who understand them as women as an intellectual being who needs comforting too, not just carnal desires, this is why girlz are in dilemma.

the thing is if the nice guy can show an aspect of him resembling a bad boy but also maintaining the nice guy too the it is a sure hit one strike KO for the girl :P
Makes sense. But not all nice guys are dull and boring. I did meet a few who had a few surprises up their sleeves. XP I must be lucky. Lol.

Quote:
Originally Posted by csuree View Post
"the totally hot guyz are out of my league as well"......i only laugh at this.....in today's world the boyz court, but the girls get to choose it is all about marketing. if you can sell your "merchandise", or you "advertise it" well then you will find "customers". i saw many "average or below average girls who completely seduced boys by having normal amount of make-up and their hair was also done in a good manner, i don't mean to say that you girls are not doing it. no offense, but it is the advertising part that is giving you problems.
Reminds me of what a friend told me. He said, "if you have it, flaunt it". Lol. But I'm not one to really flaunt anything or what. In fact, I'm pretty tomboyish. I don't like wearing "too girly" clothes or revealing clothes. I don't wear make-up either. But it's not like I look for the totally hot guys. It's just a big bonus. I'm fine with the average kind of guy as long as we click.
__________________

自由を愛しちゃう女の子だけ
Instagram
Pink Cow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 12:51   Link #10649
zebra
❙❙❙❙❙❙❙❥
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: in the wild
Send a message via AIM to zebra Send a message via MSN to zebra Send a message via Skype™ to zebra
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
What kind of Sadie Hawkins-only world are you living in? Girls are perfectly capable of asking out whoever they damn well please.
Indeed we are!
Quote:
Originally Posted by GDB View Post
And unlike guys, they usually won't get rejected unless they're nuts.
That's nonsense, though
Everyone gets rejected sometimes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
I got married a few months ago. I'm 24. It's okay thus far.
Congrats! I sincerely wish the best for the both of you

@young marriage, don't get me wrong, people are free to do what they like, I simply don't see it as an option for myself to get married anywhere in the next 3-4 years.
I actually know quite many young parents or married couples and know that age doesn't have much to say when it comes to happiness.

There are many reasons for me not to think about marriage anytime soon, but anyone else might not see them as an hinderence at all. It's all a question of priorities.

I still have to confess: I'm somewhat sceptical when it comes to young marriage and getting (planned) kids at a young age.
Simply because many don't think enough about the consequences and waltz into their responibilties only thinking about how great everything will be. Then they throw in the towel, because it was too hard after all ...
Being naive is fine, if it only affects you, but when kids get involved I'm alarmed.

As I said, young marriage isn't bad, but considering the differences in experiences and what not I personally could never do it.
But I sincerely wish all married couples the best - no matter the age. It's always a challenge, even if you waited an eternity to tie the knot. There's never a guarantee, but I still hope that I'll find happiness in a 'boring' married life sometime later in my life
zebra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 14:17   Link #10650
Yolks
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
I always thought the problem with "nice" guys was the passive aggressive idea that "being nice" solicited an equal return of love/romance/sex. Sometimes girls just don't have feelings for a guy, regardless of how charming or handsome he is. And I've found in most of my experiences, the "nice guy" that complains about girls isn't that nice at all. Believing that love if given should be received wholesomely and reciprocated, seems....devious.

But, that isn't to say that nice guys are sneaky and manipulative for the sake of love. My good pals are leaps and bounds nicer than I am and were the bees knees for a lot of girls in school. And I find that it's not being nice nor dangerous that really got girls attracted to them, it was simply because they had a lot of fun. Everybody enjoys being around people that can make them laugh or feel a wee bit of happiness.
Yolks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 17:04   Link #10651
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
So, 24 is young for marriage now?

Well, my great grandmother got married at 16.

My mother gave birth to her first child at 28 (after being married a few years).

On the flip side, my dad was 40 when that first kid was born.

I think 24 is young for men, but about average for women.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-15, 19:34   Link #10652
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I find it extremely unfair that some people get tax breaks and other government advantages just because they signed a contract with each other. It's a seriously outdated notion and to me represents yet another way that religion has affected everyday life. If I ever get married it'll probably be because whoever I'm with wants to, not because I'll particularly push for it.
I don't think it's religious in nature. Society has traditionally depended on and expected growth of its population. It's sort of expected that marriage leads to children, but children are expensive to rear; thus, to encourage child-bearing, there's that tax incentive.

It's a perfectly valid argument to say that tax incentives should only be given to people who have children (and I include adoptive parents - including homosexual couples - in that). The rules seem a little strange as they are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigress View Post
My favourite auntie who is such a sweet lady and I sometimes spend some summers with her is a role model of what not to do. She told me about the guy she was dating when they were both 21. They mutually split because they were too young to marry but she really loved him. Now she regrets it with everything because the one she went on to marry in the end left her with 2 small kids and went off with another one. Her kids are my age now but she never dated anyone again. I would never want to settle for second best like she did. ^.^
Who's to say that she wouldn't be worse off with the first guy? As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20. The tough thing about making a commitment to be with someone for the rest of your life is that it's impossible to know how they'll change, or for that matter, how you'll change. Even if you date someone for years it's impossible to fully know what's ahead. Even if they're not actively hiding anything, they may undergo experiences that radically transform them. Did your aunt really think that she was going with "second best" when she married her ex-husband? She probably felt that she was making the best choice possible at the time, and with time it just didn't pan out.

My wife and I have both changed since we met. Alongside our personal changes and circumstance changes, our relationship has changed as well. In some ways it has changed for the better; in some ways it has changed for the worse. Looking ahead, we have a few location changes ahead of us, career developments, children, and other life-changing experiences to go through. We've done a great job of growing together and staying pretty well synchronized with one another, and we're both devoted to keeping things that way. All the same, I recognize that we have some challenges ahead of us, and we'll both need to work to ensure that the relationship continues to flourish through them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yolks View Post
I always thought the problem with "nice" guys was the passive aggressive idea that "being nice" solicited an equal return of love/romance/sex.
There are many reasons behind this, but I think the big problem with "nice guys" is that they're too passive. Many "nice guys" consider outright hitting on a girl to be "bad boy" territory. The fantasy that "nice guys" harbor is to get close to a girl, learn about her, and basically charm her. When it seems like she's into you and things are a sure bet, that's when you try to shift the relationship in a romantic direction.

You can only generalize so much, but a lot of girls don't like that. One thing that a lot of girls (and guys) claim to be appealing about guys over girls is how forthright they are. They just come out and say things; you don't have to guess hidden intentions or the true meaning behind wordplay.

It may seem aggressive to express interest and force a girl to decide whether she's interested enough to go on a date with you, but I think you can do that and still be a "nice guy."
__________________
Ledgem is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 00:15   Link #10653
Yolks
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
I personally would find being born because of a tax break in a marriage as depressing. Having being accidentally born as the result of a condom breaking is one thing, but because of a tax break? ...I would feel so used.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
It may seem aggressive to express interest and force a girl to decide whether she's interested enough to go on a date with you, but I think you can do that and still be a "nice guy."
I can agree. Being a nice guy and being capable of expressing interest aren't mutually exclusive. It's important to be forward while still being able to view the situation from the girl's perspective. And my friends were good at doing that, being kind while still keeping their feelings afloat. A bit of bravery and luck can lead to some good.

I actually think that girls like nice guys quite a bit, it's just that the rejected "nice guys" tend to be the most vocal about their cynicism. And there is nothing wrong with being cynical about love, but there is something wrong with believing that just because you are nice that you deserve something.
Yolks is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 01:33   Link #10654
Pink Cow
This is my title.
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philippines
A "nice guy" who is nice just because he likes a girl and expects love returned isn't exactly a nice guy in my book. I had this kind of experience before... Fortunately I haven't met another one like him again.
__________________

自由を愛しちゃう女の子だけ
Instagram
Pink Cow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 05:16   Link #10655
Paradoxine
Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2012
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink Cow View Post
A "nice guy" who is nice just because he likes a girl and expects love returned isn't exactly a nice guy in my book. I had this kind of experience before... Fortunately I haven't met another one like him again.
On the one hand, getting pestered by a pathetic guy/girl isn't particularly great, on the other hand at least you're getting some attention. How's thing's going for you at the moment then? Single?
__________________
"Reality is just a crappy game!"
- KamiSama
Paradoxine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 06:09   Link #10656
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
There are many reasons behind this, but I think the big problem with "nice guys" is that they're too passive. Many "nice guys" consider outright hitting on a girl to be "bad boy" territory. The fantasy that "nice guys" harbor is to get close to a girl, learn about her, and basically charm her. When it seems like she's into you and things are a sure bet, that's when you try to shift the relationship in a romantic direction.
Yes, though I think there is something to be said for politeness. My current view is that if you meet someone you think you have chemistry with, is to proceed as follows:
1. Invite for casual lunch, repeat as necessary to get to know them.
2. Proceed to a more intimate date if you think she's into you, and you're into her.
3. If the intimate date works out, good work, you have a girlfriend.

My problem is that I haven't really met any women I felt particularly into in the last few years.
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 06:14   Link #10657
Pink Cow
This is my title.
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philippines
Quote:
Originally Posted by Paradoxine View Post
On the one hand, getting pestered by a pathetic guy/girl isn't particularly great, on the other hand at least you're getting some attention. How's thing's going for you at the moment then? Single?
Currently single and loving it. Lol. My ex was a genuine nice guy but we had to split because of some outside forces. I don't want to get to the details though. But it wasn't because we fought or anything. We broke up on good terms. He's one of my good friends now.

Attention is nice sometimes. Heck I admit I like getting attention. But I don't like being praised too much like I'm some perfect goddess or something which is what that guy I talked about in my previous post did. He was too fast, was nice just because he wanted me to like him, and when I rejected him, he proceeded to think I was some cruel monster or something.
__________________

自由を愛しちゃう女の子だけ
Instagram
Pink Cow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 06:29   Link #10658
csuree
The Most Wanted™
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Romania, Oradea
Age: 26
Send a message via Yahoo to csuree
wow... the nice guys turn bad.....interesting topic in hand.....

it is true that there are many guys out there that are like that.. they are only nice to the girl who is actually their love interest and the rest is just hinderance to him. the problem is that these are actually the bad boys in "sheep's" coat. so i defend the true "nice guys' reputation.....

i despise people who are acting in a dual manner.....this is why i also have negative feeling toward my brother because i know him and when he talks on the phone with a girl and his personality is the complete opposite it is hard to me to not say anything. so this creates stress between us. anyhow i think if you want to get a love-partner then you have to be yourself, else the person you want to love you will only love a facade, not your true self.

i might be considered selfish here but sorry i might be egoistical but as a self-proclaimed nice guy i think a true nice guy acts like i do..... many of you know (i wrote it sometime) that in the past i was bullied and humiliated but even though these things happened i never lost my humanity, and this is why i was used.
i helped anyone that asked for me, as long as i could, and many times the persons bullying me were asking for my help....you think the obvious response would have been: why should i help you?" this could be the chance to retaliate.

but i never was like this i helped them even though in the end the usual things would continue.......
okay okay, i know... now you are saying you were outright stupid to help them if you knew nothing is gonna change.
But think about it why violent conflicts erupt? because they fight back, and this causes a cycle of violence......you hit me.....i hit you back......
So i was thinking that i would control my vengeful comments and actions and help them.. let me show them that i am a human after all, and i use my brain.....

these days i think this was naive but it made me learn a lot,

so back to the topic.....the real nice guys have it bad. it requires courage, determination and more courage to overcome the limitations put on by society and prejudice.

as a last request please do not judge me by these egocentric comments, i really don't want to sound that way, but as i had many times the experiences of a normal person i can almost connect to any situation and many times i start analyzing the situation starting from me....

i wrote this i think but i do not consider myself a good person, i have a lots of defects, but i am conscious of them and try my best to overcome them...
__________________
Go for your dreams, never give up.Because when you give up your dreams, you die!
csuree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 06:51   Link #10659
Dextro
He Without a Title
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lisbon, Portugal
Age: 27
Send a message via Skype™ to Dextro
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Yes, though I think there is something to be said for politeness. My current view is that if you meet someone you think you have chemistry with, is to proceed as follows:
1. Invite for casual lunch, repeat as necessary to get to know them.
2. Proceed to a more intimate date if you think she's into you, and you're into her.
3. If the intimate date works out, good work, you have a girlfriend.

My problem is that I haven't really met any women I felt particularly into in the last few years.
Same here. The problem is I tend to move very slowly apparently and I'm pretty sure I've wasted a few opportunities that way. On the bright side the ones that did stick around lead me to some relatively long relations so it's not all bad.

I have however been having the same problem you have: I just haven't met anyone I'm even remotely interested recently (and by recently I mean over a year). I chalk it up to finishing up my engineering degree. Dudes... Dudes everywhere!
__________________

Dextro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-08-16, 07:26   Link #10660
DonQuigleone
Knight Errant
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I have however been having the same problem you have: I just haven't met anyone I'm even remotely interested recently (and by recently I mean over a year). I chalk it up to finishing up my engineering degree. Dudes... Dudes everywhere!
ARGHHHH, don't remind me...
DonQuigleone is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:22.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
We use Silk.