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ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 05:01

Saruyama DOES like sexy ladies very much, but his actual type of girlfriend is either tomboy or hyperactive moe kind. And he's extremely weak to 'pure' girl, which is why he couldn't even perv on Charlotte post reveal.

Next one will have Ichika and Dan like...

Quote:

“So it goes like, Yamada-sensei being clumsy again”

Dan laughed in response “You mean that petite teacher with big-“ he leered aside, finding Kotegawa cracked her fingers with a scary grin “Eyes?”

“Yeah, that one” Ichika said, almost cluelessly. To be fair, Yamada did have rather large, rounded eyes, that’s one of the reason she look cute, like a young school girl.

Yui just sip out of her drink quietly as she found another table.

There will be scenes where only girls appear, so we can see POV of both gender (I use Tri as frame of reference)

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 05:13

@ Senpai - Where's Kotegawa's brother and Len?

Side note - About to make the draft. It's extremely short.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 05:19

Kotegawa's brother already graduated (canon age being 3 years older), Len have yet to appear even though in universe he's the first one to be announced.

Lala and Len both have problem about entering because their countries (Earth countries in this case) aren't affiliated with United Nations (UN have control over I.S.A. almost exclusively in this verse) and thus require necessary arrangement.

S/N: I can't guarantee that I can read that today, I'm in Internet cafe because the lack of connection in home. Hope you can finish it soon so I can read.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 05:36

Short draft -

Spoiler:

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 05:44

The chilling atmosphere, how awesome.

Even though it's a short scene in terms of timeframe, the description is not boring, in fact it's what made the draft feel so intense.

In fact, this is the kind of writing style I always wished, I'll take some notes

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 05:49

@ Senpai - DARK Future is essentially crapsack/crapsacchrine world. While some places look like they're out of Utopia, other places look decrepit and destroyed (Like the Metro in the previous draft). Both of them have one thing in common: Life sucks either way. Not to mention the fact that the IS aren't the main threats every time.

Is a unisex onsen rare?

Side note - Since you probably don't have much time left, I'll leave the next draft's for tom.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 05:53

Yes, rare. Usually reserved for a whole family.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 05:54

How about for friends?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 06:01

I don't think most inn will allow that.

Oh well, we could always go with doujin rules.

I did that too, though with some limitation of course.

demino_hellsin · 2012-09-04, 06:05

As long as you shell out enough cash, I don't think they'd mind.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 06:06

Would pouring hot spring water on healing wounds agitate them?

DarkJak2050 · 2012-09-04, 06:12

Quick question, does the shopping mall where Ichika and Charlotte go to in Ep. 9 have a name?

If it does, then what is it?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 06:16

@ Demi
Indeed

@ Eras
Already answered, yes they are, VERY much. But long term careful treatment (assuming there's no bleeding wounds) actually helped it recover.

@ Jak
Venus Fort, Odaiba

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 06:20

@ Senpai - How agitated? Just cause pain or Hayate the combat butler level of blowout.

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 06:23

Ever had burns from hot cooking oil? That much, and then some.

It really depends on the wound itself though, because it was the mineral that caused the pain.

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 06:30

Can bandages be moistened with water?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 06:32

All bandages are, even modern 'waterproof' bandage can't held too long.

DarkJak2050 · 2012-09-04, 06:37

Thanks man, and here's a little something...

Spoiler for Ch. 7 Ishiyama High Scene.:

Any thoughts?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-04, 06:43

Hold on, I have to go home. I'll read it tom. Sorry

Eratas123 · 2012-09-04, 06:46

An IS blatantly attacking a public area.......hope Japan has an explanation.

2012-09-04, 05:13	Link #36382
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Where's Kotegawa's brother and Len? Side note - About to make the draft. It's extremely short. __________________

2012-09-04, 05:19	Link #36383
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	Kotegawa's brother already graduated (canon age being 3 years older), Len have yet to appear even though in universe he's the first one to be announced. Lala and Len both have problem about entering because their countries (Earth countries in this case) aren't affiliated with United Nations (UN have control over I.S.A. almost exclusively in this verse) and thus require necessary arrangement. S/N: I can't guarantee that I can read that today, I'm in Internet cafe because the lack of connection in home. Hope you can finish it soon so I can read. __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 05:36	Link #36384
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Short draft - Spoiler: Kazuma was bleeding, that much was obvious. The taste of iron covered his tongue, drowning him in its metallic taste. The black combat armor, normally covered and stuck onto his chest, was destroyed; perforated by numerous bullet holes. It may have been for the better, since his chest felt like it had been forcefully opened by a monster. He could feel blood, his blood, leaving his own body and spilling onto the floor. The sterile white floor created an odd contrast to the crimson red liquid. He had to admit he found the mix of colors to be intriguing, even at this time. There was no pain. ....Well, there probably was, but his senses had shut off this point. He couldn't really feel much of anything. His hands felt icy cold and clammy to the touch, along with the rest of his body. He could also feel the slight warmth of the blood as it left his body, but that was it. He couldn't really move, or attack, or do anything. He was like a broken doll. "I admit that I expected something a little more.....challenging," He stared at the woman in front of him. She was pretty, there was no doubt about that. Her blue eyes stared at him, a hint of mirth in her eyes. The contours of her pink lips were drawn into a smile, as if she found nothing wrong, "They warned me that there was a dangerous escaped experiment on the loose and that I should be careful," She flipped her long blond hair haughtily, "But I suppose it must've been them who was incompetent, not you who was dangerous." "......." He didn't answer and just stared down at the floor. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction of playing along with her twisted games. She was a psychopath, plain and simple. She enjoyed causing pain to others, whether emotionally or physically. "I guess I should introduce myself: I'm Squall Meusel, in case you didn't figure it out," She waited a few seconds to see if he would react. He didn't, "And you must be specimen 6, though I understand that you go by the name of Kazuma now. A little nickname that your progenitor gave you before he died." "........" Once again, he didn't reply. He could feel blood dripping from his mouth, and so he hesitated to open it. "So you won't reply then? Not even an introduction?" Squall pouted like a child who broke her toy, "Well, I suppose there's not much we can do with a broken project, now can we? The one's who made you should really know to keep their copies in better condition." He felt rage boil through him as he heard her last statement, "........I'm not a copy....!" He knew he shouldn't have said anything, but he did before he realized what he had done. "Interesting...." Squall's eyes widened slightly, "I had thought you a Golem of Ichika's, made to do his will even after he's passed. But no, you're aware of your situation, aren't you? You know what's happening. Everything you know: Your memories, your goals, and even your appearance are copied from somebody else." "......You're wrong...." "Who would be so cruel, I wonder, to force a mirror on a man without a face?" __________________

2012-09-04, 05:44	Link #36385
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	The chilling atmosphere, how awesome. Even though it's a short scene in terms of timeframe, the description is not boring, in fact it's what made the draft feel so intense. In fact, this is the kind of writing style I always wished, I'll take some notes __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 05:49	Link #36386
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - DARK Future is essentially crapsack/crapsacchrine world. While some places look like they're out of Utopia, other places look decrepit and destroyed (Like the Metro in the previous draft). Both of them have one thing in common: Life sucks either way. Not to mention the fact that the IS aren't the main threats every time. Is a unisex onsen rare? Side note - Since you probably don't have much time left, I'll leave the next draft's for tom. __________________

2012-09-04, 05:53	Link #36387
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	Yes, rare. Usually reserved for a whole family. __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 05:54	Link #36388
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	How about for friends? __________________

2012-09-04, 06:01	Link #36389
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	I don't think most inn will allow that. Oh well, we could always go with doujin rules. I did that too, though with some limitation of course. __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 06:05	Link #36390
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	As long as you shell out enough cash, I don't think they'd mind.

2012-09-04, 06:06	Link #36391
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Would pouring hot spring water on healing wounds agitate them? __________________

2012-09-04, 06:12	Link #36392
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Quick question, does the shopping mall where Ichika and Charlotte go to in Ep. 9 have a name? If it does, then what is it?

2012-09-04, 06:16	Link #36393
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	@ Demi Indeed @ Eras Already answered, yes they are, VERY much. But long term careful treatment (assuming there's no bleeding wounds) actually helped it recover. @ Jak Venus Fort, Odaiba __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 06:20	Link #36394
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - How agitated? Just cause pain or Hayate the combat butler level of blowout. __________________

2012-09-04, 06:23	Link #36395
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	Ever had burns from hot cooking oil? That much, and then some. It really depends on the wound itself though, because it was the mineral that caused the pain. __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 06:30	Link #36396
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Can bandages be moistened with water? __________________

2012-09-04, 06:32	Link #36397
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	All bandages are, even modern 'waterproof' bandage can't held too long. __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 06:37	Link #36398
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Thanks man, and here's a little something... Spoiler for Ch. 7 Ishiyama High Scene.: *11:57 AM, August 17 2021. Ishiyama High, Odaiba, Japan.* Late morning fills the air over the high school campus, which sports an all-male student body. Right now it’s summer vacation and the campus is normally empty around this time. The only exception to having students on campus is remedial class. “So what are you going to do after class?" “I’m probably just going to study; you know how my parents are.” The students are currently on their lunch break, chatting away as if they’re on a regular school day. “You really think that ‘Silverback’ as they called it can match up to an IS?” “Just from the looks of it, I’ll say no.” A small group of students are on the rooftop of one of the branch-buildings, just blowing off some steam they’ve got from the lessons they’ve received. “They said that they’re going to broadcast a live demo for it in a few days. How are they going to do that?” “It could possibly a fight with an IS.” “Yeah, as if IS Academy will send one of their ISes for something like that.” “If they actually did, I wouldn’t be surprised if it won’t last more than a second.” “With the IS being the victor, of course.” One of the students looked up towards the sky that’s partly cloudy. “Yeah, and for the rest of our lives, it’ll be female supremacy...” [Change] While the students are having their chatter, unaware to them was an IS high up in the sky, observing them. The IS has a blue-grey color to it with black on various ends on its parts and gold on the the accents of the legs and side skirts and broad looking wing thrusters and shoulders that gives it the impression that it’s heavy weaponry. Flashing on its visor is a holographic time display, beeping while flashing the time [1200] Zhn-n Ti Ti Scanning the whole campus, the IS’s combat systems quickly determined its first target on the campus. The IS slowly slid open its wing thrusters and shoulders while its visor’s targeting system locks on a moderate size shed. Switching to infrared, the drone notices the shed that it’s locked on is dispersing heat via cables connected to the rest of the buildings on the campus. The IS assumed the shed its initial target, marking it for its weapon system. DON DON DON DON DON DON DON DON DON DON! Multiple missiles burst out of the IS’s wing thrusters and shoulders, rushing towards their target. The missiles came down roaring, just flying over the track and field of the campus. BOOM! The first missile blew the shed, soon the others followed, completely obliterating the shed. The sudden thunderous noise startled the students on the campus. BOOM! "Whoa!" “What in the!-?...” The students on the rooftop quickly went up to the side rail, to see fiery debris from the shed littering the field. “What the hell’s going here!-?" “I don’t know, but it isn’t good. We got to let a—!” One of the students saw the IS hovering above just above the residential area around the school. “Up there!” The student pointed out towards the IS, which now launching a small barrage of missiles. “Let’s get out of here!” One of the students urged his friends as he began to bolt towards the stairway to get back inside the main school building, with the missiles heading their way. The missiles barley missed the rooftop the students were on and hit the school’s gymnasium, causing the roof to collapse. As the roof collapsed, the IS flew over to the gymnasium and scanned it. [Change] Fire alarms are blaring throughout the campus, alerting the students and faculty to evacuate. “Damn it, power’s out!” The students were running down the stairs to evacuate. “How are the fire alarms going off with the power out?” “These must have its own power source.” “We can worry about that later, but what the hell’s an IS doing here?” “How are we supposed to know!-?” “Come on, where are the other students?” “They should be out of here by now, so let’s get out of here!” “I can’t! I’m the student council president; I’m responsible for what happens to the students.” Realizing what he said, the group then had a serious look on their face. “Come on, I need you help guys.” Noticing the fierce look on his face, they all gave a nod, waiting for their instructions. “Alright, we just have to look for any students who’re left behind. Let’s split up into pairs, we can cover more ground that way.” “””Right!””” “Be sure to thoroughly search each room, let’s move!” [Change] After searching the whole branch building, the group met at the foot of the stairs on the first floor. “Are they all that you’ve found?” A pair of students was leading another group of 5 students as they met up with the Student Council President. “Yeah, this is all of them.” “Alright then, let’s get them out!” “Wait, what about the main and south branch-buildings?” “For Summer classes, only the west branch-building’s used. So the main and south-branch should be empty.” BOOM! Rushing through the dark hallways, a tremor coursed through the building. “Ugh!” “Get down!” Everyone squatted down to the ground to prevent from getting an injury from falling. Krck… Clang. A florescent light shade fell from one of its ends from the ceiling and hung above the students by its wires. Once the tremor stopped, the Student Council president gave the go ahead to keep going. “Go!” Without hesitation, the students bolt through the hallways and they've reached the central court yard and bolted towards the main building. “Where‘d it go?” “Last time I saw it, it was heading towards the gymnasium.” “That was about 20 minutes ago; you guys have any idea on where it went?” “I don’t know prez. It could be anywhere by now.” DON! “Watch out!” Just as they mentioned the IS, it’s on the south branch-building and launched a missile at them. BOOM! The missile hits the walkway’s cover, causing it to collapse on them… Any thoughts?

2012-09-04, 06:43	Link #36399
ZeroXSEED Jackass Cat Lover Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: SPARTAAAAA!!!!!!	Hold on, I have to go home. I'll read it tom. Sorry __________________ "I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC" "Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology." "Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine" "How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"

2012-09-04, 06:46	Link #36400
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	An IS blatantly attacking a public area.......hope Japan has an explanation. __________________