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Old 2012-10-03, 18:47   Link #10801
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Not so sure about that. Isn't the point of dating to get to know someone? My grandparent's hardly knew each other before my grandpa asked her out. He met her, thought she was attractive, and asked her out on a date to see how things would go...

A lot of us don't personally know anyone who we feel interested in dating. That's wh we go out with perfect strangers (either through online dating, speed dating, blind dating etc.). On the date with the perfect stranger we see how we get along. If you get along well, you keep dating. If you don't get along, well thankfully you'll never have to see them again because they're a perfect stranger!
Right, but why would you want to go on a date in the first place? Just because of a person's looks? And why do you have to go on a date to get to know them initially? Can't you do that before you go on a date? You might as well do a blind date then. I'm not saying you have to have an entire bio written down about the person, but essentially having your feet wet before you slip into the pool is better to me than just doing a cannonball.
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Old 2012-10-03, 21:15   Link #10802
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samari View Post
Right, but why would you want to go on a date in the first place?
To get a girlfriend, and all the benefits that goes along with that...
Quote:
And why do you have to go on a date to get to know them initially? Can't you do that before you go on a date?
How exactly? Should I stalk her and observe her behaviour? We're talking about a hypothetical girl who I don't know beyond a bio she might have written up online. Not much to go on. If you want to get to know someone, you need to talk, preferably 1 on 1. A casual lunch date is the best way to do this.
Quote:
You might as well do a blind date then. I'm not saying you have to have an entire bio written down about the person, but essentially having your feet wet before you slip into the pool is better to me than just doing a cannonball.
My point is that this might seem nice, but it's basically impossible. I don't know any (single young) women. My hobbies are 90% male. If I continue in Engineering (which is likely) my workplace will also be 90% male (and dating in your workplace is probably not a good idea anyway). I'd love to get to know a girl before I meet her 1 on 1, but with my current lifestyle that's just not possible. And I'm sure I'm not alone in this predicament, otherwise that lonely hearts section of the newspaper would be rather superfluous.

Anyway, with all the variations on online dating you at least always know that the girl in question is also looking for a relationship. None of this pussyfooting about only to find out she's already "taken". I'd also like to be dating someone before I fall in love with them. The opposite is just too unpleasant, falling in love without dating is simply unbearable.... Dating without falling love, by contrast, is merely inconvenient.


Also, I think a lot of people here have an overly romantic view of what a "date" is. I'm not talking about dinner, a movie and a bunch of roses (with perhaps some romance in the evening). I'm talking about something altogether more mundane, say meeting up at a cafe some afternoon over lunch just to get to know them better. If we like one another, then we can proceed to the Romantic stuff.

Our grandparents had a much healthier attitude to dating. They didn't see a first date as any kind of commitment. People these days seem to have a weird idea that a first date is a huge commitment, it isn't. It's just coffee.
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Old 2012-10-03, 23:28   Link #10803
SPARTAN 119
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Something that has been mildly annoying me. Well, in addition to the fact the few girls in my anime club I actually find attractive are either taken or completely uninterested in dating.

Also, random rant: I've thought about functions and things to ask a girl to in college. Unfortunately, the only sort of events at my university seem to be things like fraternity date parties. Problem: I'm not in a fraternity. They won't let non members in. Why the fuck do frats have to be so fucking exclusive?! I've even thought about, when I do find a date, asking her if she wants some more excitement, whether we should try and infiltrate a date party, but I was talking to a girl whose been to one and apparently they have security out the ass. They meet at a pre-set location, then take a bus to the actual party locations and don't reveal it in advance. What's with all the security? What are they trying to hide!? Would it kill them if a non-member came to one of their parties? I don't think so? In fact, if they charge admissions, they could make a few bucks.

I don't know, maybe I'm just jaded about the fact that frat boys get more dates when I'm stuck here alone. I suppose it might also be that I missed out on my junior and senior prom in high school, and I see this as a sort of chance to make up for it.
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Old 2012-10-04, 00:48   Link #10804
NinjaRealist
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Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
I don't know, maybe I'm just jaded about the fact that frat boys get more dates when I'm stuck here alone. I suppose it might also be that I missed out on my junior and senior prom in high school, and I see this as a sort of chance to make up for it.
You said you have Aspergers Syndrome, have you considered transferring to a college that is more accepting towards people with autism spectrum disorders?

I attended a state school and state schools definitely have the highest percentage of insensitive assholes of just about any place in society. Frats are where the worst of these assholes hang out.

90% of frat bros are racist, ignorant, bastard who basically just want to sexually assault women and get away with it. As you can imagine, the women who go after these men (sorority girls) are just as bad if not worse. Personally, I only went to frat parties if I felt like fighting, which in retrospect was a really stupid thing to do.

I also transferred to a smaller liberal arts college after that and the environment was very friendly to people with autism spectrum disorders. I've had several friends ad two girlfriends with autism spectrum disorders and lots of people with these disorders come to school here.

I dunno if this is an option for you, but it might make you happier.
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Old 2012-10-04, 04:00   Link #10805
SPARTAN 119
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinjaRealist View Post
You said you have Aspergers Syndrome, have you considered transferring to a college that is more accepting towards people with autism spectrum disorders?

I attended a state school and state schools definitely have the highest percentage of insensitive assholes of just about any place in society. Frats are where the worst of these assholes hang out.

90% of frat bros are racist, ignorant, bastard who basically just want to sexually assault women and get away with it. As you can imagine, the women who go after these men (sorority girls) are just as bad if not worse. Personally, I only went to frat parties if I felt like fighting, which in retrospect was a really stupid thing to do.

I also transferred to a smaller liberal arts college after that and the environment was very friendly to people with autism spectrum disorders. I've had several friends ad two girlfriends with autism spectrum disorders and lots of people with these disorders come to school here.

I dunno if this is an option for you, but it might make you happier.
Ahhh... not really an option as I don't have a car and am still living at home. My AS unfortunately has led to an annoying maturity lag that has slowed down my leaving home. Fortunately, I'm hoping it will happen in a few years, and besides, people date in high school while they still live at home and don't have cars.

But its not as bad as it seemed. That was just another stupid thing I posted late at night that I decide to elaborate on in a follow-up post later. That said, I know that there are plenty of attractive girls that are not in sororities- and I know a few of the sorority girls casually and they don't seem too bad... That said as far as my definition of attractive, it doesn't help that I find the girls that generally smaller in figure, but well endowed in all the right areas- the typical standard of hotness, to be attractive, so there is increased competition.

I'm sure I'll find someone eventually, it might help to join more groups and clubs etc, which as far as meeting people would have to same effect. Wish there was some sort of singles group...
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Old 2012-10-04, 05:20   Link #10806
DonQuigleone
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Also, random rant: I've thought about functions and things to ask a girl to in college. Unfortunately, the only sort of events at my university seem to be things like fraternity date parties. Problem: I'm not in a fraternity. They won't let non members in. Why the fuck do frats have to be so fucking exclusive?! I've even thought about, when I do find a date, asking her if she wants some more excitement, whether we should try and infiltrate a date party, but I was talking to a girl whose been to one and apparently they have security out the ass. They meet at a pre-set location, then take a bus to the actual party locations and don't reveal it in advance. What's with all the security? What are they trying to hide!? Would it kill them if a non-member came to one of their parties? I don't think so? In fact, if they charge admissions, they could make a few bucks.
Trust me, you aren't missing anything.

And you don't want to go out with the girls that go to these things. They're just as bad as the frat "bros".

I mean really, all they do is get pissed, listen to bad music at deafening volumes and play beer pong, otherwise known as the most simplistic dull game in the world.

Quote:
I don't know, maybe I'm just jaded about the fact that frat boys get more dates when I'm stuck here alone. I suppose it might also be that I missed out on my junior and senior prom in high school, and I see this as a sort of chance to make up for it.
You're looking in the wrong places. But to be honest, I also failed to get any action. My advice: Give up. Contrary to popular opinion, College is a shitty place for a thinking man to find love. You could try online dating, believe it or not, you will find people your age there.

That, and the culture of your college makes a difference. I've attended 2 colleges, University College Dublin and Virginia Tech. At UCD the primary means of entertainment was alcohol, and I didn't manage to make any friends my entire time there. When I went on exchange to Virginia Tech I found it to have a much more varied and generally more sophisticated social scene. People actually did things besides getting pissed every weekend(like clubs, in UCD, every club was de facto a drinking club, the vast majority never did a single thing, not so in V Tech!). It was amazing. I had made some good friends within 2 weeks of starting there. The only downside was that I was renting my rooms from frat boys. We got along okay, but I got my fill of their lifestyle.

I didn't manage to get a girlfriend, but to be honest I was feeling transient there, I knew I'd be leaving in under 7 months, so I wasn't keen on looking for commitment. But I did actually manage to become a casual acquaintance of several girls in my time there, so maybe if I had been there longer...

So if you think your university has a bad social scene, consider transferring to another. If, like me, you're more of a thinking man, then you're not going to be happy at a "party school".

And trust me, don't feel envious of frat boys. The girls they go out with are all vapid and ultimately as incredibly annoying as they are.
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Old 2012-10-04, 11:35   Link #10807
SPARTAN 119
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by DonQuigleone View Post
Trust me, you aren't missing anything.

And you don't want to go out with the girls that go to these things. They're just as bad as the frat "bros".

I mean really, all they do is get pissed, listen to bad music at deafening volumes and play beer pong, otherwise known as the most simplistic dull game in the world.


You're looking in the wrong places. But to be honest, I also failed to get any action. My advice: Give up. Contrary to popular opinion, College is a shitty place for a thinking man to find love. You could try online dating, believe it or not, you will find people your age there.

That, and the culture of your college makes a difference. I've attended 2 colleges, University College Dublin and Virginia Tech. At UCD the primary means of entertainment was alcohol, and I didn't manage to make any friends my entire time there. When I went on exchange to Virginia Tech I found it to have a much more varied and generally more sophisticated social scene. People actually did things besides getting pissed every weekend(like clubs, in UCD, every club was de facto a drinking club, the vast majority never did a single thing, not so in V Tech!). It was amazing. I had made some good friends within 2 weeks of starting there. The only downside was that I was renting my rooms from frat boys. We got along okay, but I got my fill of their lifestyle.

I didn't manage to get a girlfriend, but to be honest I was feeling transient there, I knew I'd be leaving in under 7 months, so I wasn't keen on looking for commitment. But I did actually manage to become a casual acquaintance of several girls in my time there, so maybe if I had been there longer...

So if you think your university has a bad social scene, consider transferring to another. If, like me, you're more of a thinking man, then you're not going to be happy at a "party school".

And trust me, don't feel envious of frat boys. The girls they go out with are all vapid and ultimately as incredibly annoying as they are.
Really my university's social scene isn't that bad, I was just being stupid. I just need to actively look for more groups that suit my interests.
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Old 2012-10-05, 02:54   Link #10808
NinjaRealist
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Really my university's social scene isn't that bad, I was just being stupid. I just need to actively look for more groups that suit my interests.
Well it's good that you are being positive about it, because there isn't anywhere you can go where it is easy to make friends and meet women without being proactive. I'm sure it is posible for you to find friends and meet good, interesting people at University.

However, I hope that the next time you are feeling down, you remember my words. It is still my opinion that state schools in general are not the most accepting places, especially to people who have social and mental diferences, such as those with autism spectrum personalities.

During my time at a small liberal arts college, people were, in general, far kinder to those who they saw as different from themselves and much more inclusive towards people in general.

So if you continue to struggle, despite your best efforts, remember that you shouldn't put all of the blame on yourself.

(PS I did have friends at State School, but I mostly got them by pretending to be less intellectual and egalitarian then I actually am. At state school I had to hide the fact that I liked anime, for example. At liberal arts school, even many of the most popular people (including with the opposite gender) are open about loving things like Anime, Magic Cards, and generally stuff that was frowned upon at State School. It's not fun to hide your true self.)
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Old 2012-10-07, 22:45   Link #10809
Who
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NY, USA
Age: 24
There's a girl I knew for three years. I always thought she was attractive and such and someone fun to hang out with, but I never really thought of her in a girlfriend type of way until recently, after hanging out with her several times for lunch.

Trouble is, she was set up with another guy by a mutual friend of ours (who doesn't know of my attraction to her). They've been meeting each other for 3 weeks now (they met 3 weeks ago as well), grabbing lunch here and there, but it's not really official, as he hasn't asked her out, and she's not sure where they stand. She sorta likes him, but again, isn't sure.

I only know all this because I asked her directly, before directly confessing to her, because I said 'screw this, because even if it makes things awkward between us, I want her to know how I feel, and I don't want to regret not saying anything.'

She was very flattered and honored (her exact words) and told me that I should have told her before. She was also very shy and embarassed and surprised, if that counts for anything, hiding behind a bookstore when she tripped over her words trying to find the correct answer. However, she still wasn't sure where she stood, which I interpreted as a very, very, very good dodge at telling me "no". She insisted that things aren't awkward between us, but I don't know. It's been two days since I last talked with her (or she talked with me), and I'm not sure where to go from here.
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Old 2012-10-08, 00:20   Link #10810
Ascaloth
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Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Two days? That's still a short amount of time.

Give her a week or two more, then see what happens.
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Old 2012-10-08, 06:31   Link #10811
Masuzu
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Location: « キセキの世代 »
You know, that sounds a lot like how it was for me a couple years back, at some point I just thought 'fuck it, I can't take this shit anymore' and just told her without giving much thought to the outcome.
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Old 2012-10-08, 07:38   Link #10812
csuree
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Romania, Oradea
Age: 26
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Well i see thing are a bi more energetic around here. so i would join this little discussion a little more.

Recently i am trying to get a date online but i have little number of visitors or replies but there is one girl who wrote back and said she is not online too much so i suggested that we can text or phone each other. she said okay, and then i left my number to her. now i am waiting 4 her answer....she looks like a decent girl....her looks are above average, i'd say 8 out of 10. so i am looking forward to it.

and there is another girl who left me her phone number as an answer to my mail. I really do not know what to think but my first impression was that she is desperate......you don't give out your number to a perfect stranger after a line he wrote......so i am hesitating on that one and i think for a good reason.....

About muscles: in 10th and 11th grade i did some physical exercise at home and from experience i tell that your strength dramatically increases from it even if it is not a visible change... at least i did not have any visible change, but my strength increased so i could lift a 50 kg sack of cement easily and i had like 65 kilos at that time...visible muscle mass increase came at the age of 20 when i gained in a year almost 20 kg and i did not change my lifestyle...now i am not exercising but i plan to take up some kind of an exercise or else during winter i will gain additional weight as fat.

when i gained strength i felt satisfied with myself so i would recommend it to you, i felt that i could overcome anything knowing i am not that weak nerd anymore.... and it proved useful cause at that time a bully was really pissing me off and i don't know how i grabbed him by his shirt and threw him away like 2 meters. the whole class was shocked when they saw it....
even i did not believe myself.....but maybe i caught him by surprise that is why i managed to throw him. (Note: even though i did that i never fought) .

so gaining some strength is beneficial, it gives you a small boost......instead of saying "i am too weak to do it" you will say "i will try"
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Old 2012-10-08, 20:49   Link #10813
Knightrunner
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: United States--- California
Csuree,
I never tried online dating, but why would leaving her number be considered desparate when you are leaving your number to somebody yourself? Her thought process probably is that if you answer her number it would be a yes, but if you don't then she'll have to assume it is a no. Besides there is always a risk when meeting perfect strangers, people you think you know, and even family.

AS for Muscles: I'm currently working out to get in decent shape so I can start activities I abandoned for studying my science courses. It's going to be greating joining fun runs and hiking once I tone up a bit. If women gave me that second glance or even a stare that's always a nice bonus too

Ultimately, I'm in a quest to find somebody that will improve myself overall. I think once your comfortable with yourself as a person and you're fine being single then you're ready to be in a relationship.
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Old 2012-10-08, 20:54   Link #10814
DonQuigleone
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightrunner View Post
Csuree,
I never tried online dating, but why would leaving her number be considered desparate when you are leaving your number to somebody yourself? Her thought process probably is that if you answer her number it would be a yes, but if you don't then she'll have to assume it is a no. Besides there is always a risk when meeting perfect strangers, people you think you know, and even family.
Pretty much, some people may find chatting online to be tedious, and prefer to just skip to meeting you. If you have a number, phone, make small talk, and arrange to meet for lunch somewhere in public.
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Old 2012-10-09, 00:20   Link #10815
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Location: NY, USA
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Two days? That's still a short amount of time.

Give her a week or two more, then see what happens.
Guess I have no other choice. Will report back in like 4-5 days.
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Old 2012-10-09, 07:06   Link #10816
Jellal
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Talking

Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Something that has been mildly annoying me. Well, in addition to the fact the few girls in my anime club I actually find attractive are either taken or completely uninterested in dating.

Also, random rant: I've thought about functions and things to ask a girl to in college. Unfortunately, the only sort of events at my university seem to be things like fraternity date parties. Problem: I'm not in a fraternity. They won't let non members in. Why the fuck do frats have to be so fucking exclusive?! I've even thought about, when I do find a date, asking her if she wants some more excitement, whether we should try and infiltrate a date party, but I was talking to a girl whose been to one and apparently they have security out the ass. They meet at a pre-set location, then take a bus to the actual party locations and don't reveal it in advance. What's with all the security? What are they trying to hide!? Would it kill them if a non-member came to one of their parties? I don't think so? In fact, if they charge admissions, they could make a few bucks.

I don't know, maybe I'm just jaded about the fact that frat boys get more dates when I'm stuck here alone. I suppose it might also be that I missed out on my junior and senior prom in high school, and I see this as a sort of chance to make up for it.
I am in a Fraternity myself, and I could see where your frustrations are.
Most of these functions however, are strictly meant between Greek Life only.

If anything, if you know anyone who's a member, you should be fine for a regular weekend party. The formal functions however, are a bit more tedious to enter. We pride ourselves in privacy. Every Fraternity is different, and so are it's members - but the general bylaws each house holds are similar.

Personally if your looking to meet new people and are 21, check out your towns Night Life.
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Old 2012-10-12, 00:47   Link #10817
jesh462
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: NC
SPARTAN 119: For activities, why not take her (when you find her) to a play or ballet, a concert, or an art exhibit? Are you really only interested in getting drunk? That could be a problem in and of itself in finding women, just saying.
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Old 2012-10-12, 01:40   Link #10818
0utf0xZer0
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Age: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SPARTAN 119 View Post
Something that has been mildly annoying me. Well, in addition to the fact the few girls in my anime club I actually find attractive are either taken or completely uninterested in dating.
I always wanted to date girls from my local anime club but I never found a girl who I felt I could really connect with.

I eventually found that girl at a local anime con - she was enthusiastic that someone recognized her costume, I offered to send her my photos of her (I'm a huge cosplay photography freak) and then I sent her an invitation to an anime club event with the photos. I think the connection we had as two fans of a show not a lot of people know (EF: A Tale of Memories) is part of why she accepted, as it turns out she was actually really shy and her enthusiasm that someone recognized her costume was a "spur of the moment" thing. That, and I tried to help her find the one other EF cosplay I knew was attending the con (which I failed at).

I realize that my success here was very dependent on the fact I met the right person, but I hope it gives you an idea what can ground a relationship between two anime fans who were basically strangers.

(P.S. ~600 of my ~1500 photos from my last con are of her in costume.)
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Old 2012-10-12, 01:42   Link #10819
Ascaloth
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
(P.S. ~600 of my ~1500 photos from my last con are of her in costume.)
Pictures. NAO.

(J/K )
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Old 2012-10-12, 09:46   Link #10820
willx
Nyaaan~~
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Age: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
I always wanted to date girls from my local anime club but I never found a girl who I felt I could really connect with.

I eventually found that girl at a local anime con - she was enthusiastic that someone recognized her costume, I offered to send her my photos of her (I'm a huge cosplay photography freak) and then I sent her an invitation to an anime club event with the photos. I think the connection we had as two fans of a show not a lot of people know (EF: A Tale of Memories) is part of why she accepted, as it turns out she was actually really shy and her enthusiasm that someone recognized her costume was a "spur of the moment" thing. That, and I tried to help her find the one other EF cosplay I knew was attending the con (which I failed at).

I realize that my success here was very dependent on the fact I met the right person, but I hope it gives you an idea what can ground a relationship between two anime fans who were basically strangers.

(P.S. ~600 of my ~1500 photos from my last con are of her in costume.)
Good for you, taking the initiative! I must admit my fiance and I couldn't be more different, and she generally has very little interest in anime. People date each other for a multitude of reasons that I can't even begin to explain or comprehend, sometimes things just happen..

1) She admitted she dated me because she liked how I looked, thought I was a bad boy, and I used to have lots of muscles
2) I dated her cause I thought she was an articulate girl with lots of potential .. and I happened to be single and felt like dating again ..
= And now we're engaged after dating for 7.5 years!

I just noticed you were from Vancouver, my hometown, hope the weather is treating you well! I tend to find that people from Vancouver have less than 3 degrees of separation between each other
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