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Old 2012-11-10, 00:19   Link #61
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
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Chapter 23 “Let the Good Times Roll”

Chapter 23 “Let the Good Times Roll” (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
chapter 23 content
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Old 2012-11-12, 20:58   Link #62
Vexx
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Sorry, next chapter is coming out on Tuesday, combination of holiday and me working through two story route sketches to see which path I like better.
I guess the material that composes ch. 1-23 is what I'll call Volume One. Its about the right length and the end of the Monterey arc is a good intermission point.

I plan to got back through it and re-align chapters and especially I want to work on Glycerin's dialog to improve continuity for her speech patterns over the chapters.

I'm looking at some of the self-publishing sites like Lulu but I think I'd rather keep this an e-book.

Chapter 24 is where Volume Two would start.
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Old 2012-11-12, 22:52   Link #63
Vexx
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(note: the pictures are a lot sharper if you watch them on the youtube site --- dunno what's going on there unless youtube is fuzzing embedded video on purpose)

A bonus vid of Glycerin singing ... she's kind of gawky cute. Flowers and puppies ...

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Wish fulfillment tune -

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Tsika may be Big in Japan -

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Old 2012-11-13, 04:51   Link #64
Merilyn Mensola
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Loved the new Videos, and the screenshots you made...awesome...my girlfriend love your work as well..and the songs..are really good...

You are doing an awesome work Vexx...this is talent in my eyes....i hope someone important see your work...

+ 1!!!!
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Old 2012-11-13, 18:48   Link #65
Vexx
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Ack ptui ... okay, I've scrimmaged through both notions for the next three chapters and picked one. Four pages into volume 2, chapter 1. Whackity whack.
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Old 2012-11-14, 16:25   Link #66
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
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Volume 2, Chapter 01 “Celestial Soda Pop”

Volume 2, Chapter 01 “Celestial Soda Pop” (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
volume 02 chapter 01 content
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Old 2012-11-14, 16:38   Link #67
Vexx
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Chapters will be slow over the next week. I'll try to get one more out but we have guests in the house for Thanksgiving week so chapter releases may be problematic.

I may take the time to reformat Volume 1 for chapter length and tune Glycerin's stammering and Brit-speak.

Be sure and check your youtube settings for quality ... my youtube started lowering the quality behind my back. The videos are recorded at least at 480p.
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Old 2012-11-14, 20:25   Link #68
NoemiChan
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Just wondering.... Did you actually made those 3D characters.... coz... I'm impressed...
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Old 2012-11-14, 20:43   Link #69
Vexx
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I designed them ... but the tools are Rock Band 3 for the animation videos (lots of coaxing and smashing to get it to do some of what I want). It has character generation tools and an extensive wardrobe/tattoo function.

If you were talking about the "realistic" 3d images I posted a few entries ago -- they were designed using Bethesda's Skyrim RPG character generation tool. Glycerin still seems a bit off to me but I'd rather write than get that last pixel where I want it

Like I said, I'm terrible at drawing -- still looking around for someone to either draw some illustrations for fun or maybe even for commission.

Edit: almost the entire layout of the next chapter came to me in the shower. problem: nothing to write with in shower. rush to computer afterwards. Argh, most of my most brilliant computer programming solutions also burbled up while I was showering.
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Old 2012-11-16, 19:36   Link #70
Vexx
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Next chapter almost done ... its bit short so I'm reviewing it to see what I shorted in descriptions and such.

Here's a "complicated romance comedy" sort of song at a possible future concert:

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I like the color textures and lighting in this venue.

I've always been fond of the Roxette - here's the original video. Always felt badly for them, just as they were hitting the world stage, Marie was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Took her a decade to make any recovery at all.
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Old 2012-11-17, 04:43   Link #71
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Volume 02 Chapter 02 (“Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These”)

Volume 02 Chapter 02 (“Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These”) (version 0.9)
TL;DR…
volume 02 chapter 02 content
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author note: wow ... went from being too short to being one of my longer chapters.
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Old 2012-11-18, 22:00   Link #72
Vexx
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A friend was posting artwork by a 20th century artist named Paul Rader who painted covers for turgid bad girl romance drama novels. The characters in this piece of art remind me of certain characters in the band - who is who can be left as a puzzle exercise. Hint: ignore the hair colors, its the body language and expressions.

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Old 2012-11-18, 23:46   Link #73
Alchemist007
自分のチームにいるよ。
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Have you considered putting these on sites like FictionPress or DeviantArt?
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Old 2012-11-19, 01:37   Link #74
Vexx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alchemist007 View Post
Have you considered putting these on sites like FictionPress or DeviantArt?
Yes, actually. What I'm releasing here is a rough draft of sorts. I'm going through the first volume and reworking it (expanding the sketchy bits (many chapters are simply more like sketches than fully fleshed out, reworking dialog (e.g. tweaking Glycerin's speech patterns), re-aligning chapters for length (merging some of them, etc), and so on).

I've looked at Smashwords and Lulu so far. I'll look at FictionPress and I hadn't thought about DeviantArt at all but will add it to the 'to do' list. So thanks for those suggestions.

On a side note, I was concerned about some explicit moments in my storyboard so I had some conversations with the mods on the matter. They're trusting me not to get "nasty" and keep it out of the smut zone. I concur with that -- I don't like 'extraneous sex scenes". It has to advance the plot, reveal something important about the characters -- and there can't be any other way to express that.

However, these characters are musicians/creatives after all, they're adults (even if they're kind of broken), so I don't want to be unrealistically chaste.

Heck, even engineering "death march" projects I've been on have gotten pretty ...o.O... interesting when people spend so much time together.
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Old 2012-11-20, 04:16   Link #75
Kerspunkle
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I'm only on the third chapter, but it's interesting. I'm not that fond of romance stories, but I'll stick with this one. Good job, sir. Glycerin will probably be my favorite of the girls. Blar has some nice style.

This story is written pretty well. There are a lot of unnecessary ellipses though. You probably wrote it like that to show the reader a pause where you put the ellipses, but a comma or a period would serve to provide that pause. There are also a few typos (such as "O" for "Oh" and "there" for "here"). Sorry! I'm not trying to nit-pick your work or anything, but if I were you, I'd want to know. Well, like I said, it's still written pretty well.

About how many volumes are you planning on writing?

I'm curious to know how you imagine your characters as you're writing. Do you imagine them in an anime style or a realistic one?
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Old 2012-11-20, 10:04   Link #76
Vexx
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerspunkle View Post
I'm only on the third chapter, but it's interesting. I'm not that fond of romance stories, but I'll stick with this one. Good job, sir. Glycerin will probably be my favorite of the girls. Blar has some nice style.
Thank you. I'm probably most fond of Glyc as a creation but I find her the most difficult to write for (and not just because of her stammering Brit-speak). Kpau is the most fun to write for. Tsika is the natural balance point of the trio.

Quote:
This story is written pretty well. There are a lot of unnecessary ellipses though. You probably wrote it like that to show the reader a pause where you put the ellipses, but a comma or a period would serve to provide that pause. There are also a few typos (such as "O" for "Oh" and "there" for "here"). Sorry! I'm not trying to nit-pick your work or anything, but if I were you, I'd want to know. Well, like I said, it's still written pretty well.
No, I'm dying to hear comments like that. There's a vast void of mostly silence from the peanut gallery . Part of this, for me, is the exercise of writing fiction. Agreed on the over-use of ellipses.

edit: I was looking over the early chapters and realized they're much earlier drafts than what I have now. For example, I fixed all the rampant 4 or 5 dot ellipses, corrected continuity errors, etc. Will try to swap them out today or tomorrow.

Glycerin, in particular, I'm trying to portray her stammering with long pauses while she composes her next word. However, *I* have a tendency not to pause over commas when I read dialog. I tend to view them as grammatical sticky tape rather than as actual pauses in speech. So that input is very appreciated

And yeah, I find spelling errors every time I read a chapter; also horrible grammar spoofs (double word word ). That's one reason I asked a buddy pro editor to review my stuff. Problem is she's trying to lend a hand between several projects and a new baby so the chapter reviews come sparsely and I'm trying to push out two or more chapters a week.

That's why I'm just deeming this forum release as a "rough draft" I'm punting out for the amusement of the forum.

Quote:
About how many volumes are you planning on writing?
When I started the project, I was assuming about 10 volumes. That seems to be a typical minimum length for a light novel series. However, since I started, I given up thinking about a specific length. I have a storyboard of the entire 'epic' but I haven't allocated the events across specific volumes. The characters tend to have their own ideas about whats important to zoom in on and what can be left as a high altitude view .

Quote:
I'm curious to know how you imagine your characters as you're writing. Do you imagine them in an anime style or a realistic one?
I like this question.
It varies. Most of the time, I tend to think of them as mildly stylized 'real life' characters. When I think in terms of anime, I tend to imagine a fairly realistic style (e.g. Honey&Clover, REC). I think 'real life' visualization helps more because though I play around a lot with anime motifs and cliches, I'm injecting them into a western setting with western sensibilities. If I see a real life image that matches my conception, I'll store it in my local file photos.

I'm consciously doing a lot of archetype subversion as well.

For example, Tsika is obviously a riff on the loli-tsundere archetype but it drips out in complicated ways. As I said earlier she's a bit like my wife mixed up with a cute bombastic professor I took Russian from in college.

The more I write Kpau, the more she blends aspects of Hidamari Sketch's Miyako, K-On's Mugi. However, she's a lot like a couple of people I used to work with the aerospace industry. Free spirits who managed to blend independent assertiveness while blowing one's brains out with 'moe'.

Glycerin ... 0utf0xZer0 thought she resembled a "more sophisticated Mio from K-On". Originally, I was just playing with the idea of a flamboyant lead guitarist who was neurotically shy and damaged - but in implementing her I had "Sakaki of AzuDa" in mind (shy, tall, hides behind a petite assertive type).

The biggest weakness in the story (in my mind) is Blar. Originally, he was just a spoof of me in my early 30s (outside of the difference of being me being a "rocket science engineer" rather than a rocker there's a high correlation in physical appearance and personality. Though musically, I play bass rather than drums ). So there's considerable "Mary Sue" risk to mitigate. I just try to handle it this way -- I focus on his faults and ineptness that derail his attempt to do the right thing.

Later in the story, I have a "beach trip" but its transformed into a road trip to a retreat. The same elements are there - unusual locale, isolation, close proximity ... but everything else is twisted up. I'll be sticking a variety of such things into the story with the intent of implicit referencing but seeing how it executes in a 'western story'.

Anyway, thanks for the comments, hope you enjoy the rest of the story as it develops.

Glycerin's "great great grandmother character archetype - Sakaki"
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Old 2012-11-20, 16:29   Link #77
Vexx
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Chapter release is problematic this week (guests at the house). Something to tide over - concert performance that might happen later down the road. Lots of bright colors and slinky moves.

YouTube
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note: I've been doing the encoding in mp4 but youtube informs me there are possible problems with video/audio sync from them processing mp4 files. That would explain some of the problems I see with the files. I'll try a different encode that they recommend and re-upload some of them next week.
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Old 2012-11-21, 10:23   Link #78
Vexx
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Kerspunkle's question about "how do I visualize the characters" ... and my answer was mostly 'real life' ... I have a habit of collecting images of what fictional characters might look like in real life ... a few:

Kpau (as if you couldn't guess)
Tsika
Glycerin


As can be seen - no exact matches but elements that can be put together for different characters. (bigger versions in my album pages, just didn't bother linking)
http://forums.animesuki.com/album.php?albumid=3903

I've been scanning danbooru looking for 'anime' references but that's a blackhole of time sinks even with tag searching.
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Old 2012-11-28, 19:59   Link #79
Vexx
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Currently looking at Friday for next chapter ... in the mean time, lets have Kpau sing and slink.

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Old 2012-11-28, 20:21   Link #80
synaesthetic
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I finally got around to reading this. It's a pretty entertaining read!

I am not and have never been a music person, and while I'm a wannabe writer, I don't have the same mindset as most creative types do. My personality screams more analytical and coldly logical to most people and they get a bit surprised when they find out I'm writing a book.

So it was a little weird to see how openly sexual the characters are--there aren't any standard defenses, the walls were never built, much less breached. Just struck me as odd, but not inappropriate--I'm not such a sheltered lass that I don't know how young musicians compose themselves, especially when lots of chemicals are added to the mix.

It reminds me loads of an adult version of K-ON, but more focused on the music and the interpersonal relationships than on the "cute girls being cute" moeblob schtick, which I really do like. The videos help, though I'm not completely fond of how Rock Band renders 3D character models.

Most of why I kept reading was due to Glycerin and how she resembles the protagonist of my novel-in-progress, Alisa Pierce. They're both preternaturally skilled at something (Glyc as a guitarist, Alisa as a starfighter pilot) and they both have no social skills and loads of emotional baggage. They both witnessed the deaths of at least one of their parents: Alisa watched her mother get torn apart by an an enemy combat drone when she was single digits old. They both have a person they lean upon for much of their emotional support--Alisa leans upon her AI partner, Rin, to hold her up and keep her functional, just like Tsika seems to do for Glyc.

Though it definitely seems like Glyc is going to get better in a much less traumatic way than Alisa. I doubt very seriously that Big Mouse will end up being scapegoated for a general officer's potential political gain and forced into the life of a fugitive. :3 Not to mention nobody is trying to kill her, y'know...

Looking forward to more. Count me in as a definite Glyc fan... the parallels between her and my protagonist are pretty striking, though Alisa has a tougher, more defiant exterior that has to be breached before you get to the broken bird inside.
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