AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > Anime Related Topics > Fan Creations

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2012-11-28, 20:35   Link #81
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
I occasionally wonder if I'm communicating some ancient "70s/80s" era sensibility in their fairly open sexuality in addition to the sensibilities of musician world. I try to do reality checks with 20-somethings and I hang out in the local music scene enough to observe.

Tsika skirts prudery in some ways - she has a real romantic notion in how actual sexual intimacy should happen. Her rage bomb is certainly an issue with anyone getting close to her. Glyc is just ... an emotional hatchling. She simply wasn't ever planning on any emotional attachments, ever, before Tsika. Glyc was planning to be dead, to be blunt, in her formative years. Kpau is using any kind of sensory overload to avoid 'the monsters', sex is just part of that.

I think the only person we have to worry about killing Glyc is Glyc herself.

Oh, and thanks for the comments. I'd certainly like to see more of those from readers (constructive criticism, especially but positive notes make me happy, too)

edit: yeah Rockband has some really lame ass animation and distortion issues (in addition to avatar collisions). Unfortunately, its the only tool that comes close to what I had in mind. I may actually commission someone to do "light novel type illustrations" at some point.

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-11-29 at 04:52.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-11-29, 02:25   Link #82
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Women of Metal (real musicians, real groups)

Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-11-30, 04:58   Link #83
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
1) Taking me longer than expected to brainstorm details of next chapter (stares intently at outline, more scotch needed)
2) It helps to stare at the piles of videos I've made for ideas.

So lets have Tsika sing a randy little tune (Glyc guitar solo fans, her bit starts at 1:40)
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-02, 19:52   Link #84
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
I'd forgotten her name and just rediscovered her ... a small chunk of Glyc was my recollection of this player (Orianthi Panagaris). These clips are worth a watch:

YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Bassist Nik West and Drummer Hannah Ford (damn, Nik is sexy when she's playing)
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Metal drummer, Lux Drummerette doing a cover of Mastadon goofing around in Viking garb:
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Metal drummer, Meytal Cohen doing Duality:
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-12-26 at 10:03.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 04:49   Link #85
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Okay, I'm more satisfied with Chapters 3 and 4 of volume two, I'll release those tomorrow for sure ... but I'm still stuck with Chapter 5.

So throwing this out - people seem to really really like watching Glyc sing. So here she is singing another sugary, sweet, little girl song

YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 18:50   Link #86
Kerspunkle
Member
 
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Your imagination
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Thank you. I'm probably most fond of Glyc as a creation but I find her the most difficult to write for (and not just because of her stammering Brit-speak).
You're welcome. I guess it would be hard for someone who doesn't have a problem like that to write that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
No, I'm dying to hear comments like that. There's a vast void of mostly silence from the peanut gallery . Part of this, for me, is the exercise of writing fiction.
Well, then you probably won't mind if I say I've noticed some errors with contractions. You've used "its" and "lets" when you mean "it is" and "let us." If you have trouble, just remember that when you want something to be "it is" you would use "it's." When you want something to be "let us" you would use "let's."
Ack! Sorry! I'm not trying to find problems with your work or anything, but it's always helpful to have an extra editor. Well, I think so. If you want me to shut up ever, just say.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Glycerin, in particular, I'm trying to portray her stammering with long pauses while she composes her next word. However, *I* have a tendency not to pause over commas when I read dialog. I tend to view them as grammatical sticky tape rather than as actual pauses in speech. So that input is very appreciated
Your welcome. I guess it depends on a person's diction? I would read as I would speak (or as I would imagine the character to speak).


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
That's why I'm just deeming this forum release as a "rough draft" I'm punting out for the amusement of the forum.
We're your beta readers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
The characters tend to have their own ideas about whats important to zoom in on and what can be left as a high altitude view .
Ha ha. I like that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
It varies. Most of the time, I tend to think of them as mildly stylized 'real life' characters. When I think in terms of anime, I tend to imagine a fairly realistic style (e.g. Honey&Clover, REC). I think 'real life' visualization helps more because though I play around a lot with anime motifs and cliches, I'm injecting them into a western setting with western sensibilities. If I see a real life image that matches my conception, I'll store it in my local file photos.
I see. I was curious, so I thought I'd just ask. The pictures you posted were great to help me think of how you want to portray your characters.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
The biggest weakness in the story (in my mind) is Blar. Originally, he was just a spoof of me in my early 30s (outside of the difference of being me being a "rocket science engineer" rather than a rocker there's a high correlation in physical appearance and personality. Though musically, I play bass rather than drums ). So there's considerable "Mary Sue" risk to mitigate. I just try to handle it this way -- I focus on his faults and ineptness that derail his attempt to do the right thing.
Rather than saying he's a "Mary Sue," I'd just describe him as mature.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vexx View Post
Anyway, thanks for the comments, hope you enjoy the rest of the story as it develops.
You're welcome. I've finished reading through chapter six, and I must say I find each chapter becoming more enjoyable. I especially liked the chapter from Glycerin's point of view.

Also, I just have to say that the "Tsika broke into the frigid dark refrains of the opening bass line..." part was pretty awesome. It was really descriptive.
Kerspunkle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 19:29   Link #87
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerspunkle View Post
Well, then you probably won't mind if I say I've noticed some errors with contractions. You've used "its" and "lets" when you mean "it is" and "let us." If you have trouble, just remember that when you want something to be "it is" you would use "it's." When you want something to be "let us" you would use "let's."
Ack! Sorry! I'm not trying to find problems with your work or anything, but it's always helpful to have an extra editor. Well, I think so. If you want me to shut up ever, just say.
Nope, that's fine -- now I know to look for those. Thanks! My friend (who is a professional editor) has been helpful but she's got a toddler and several work projects and she helps me in what little idle time she has.

Quote:
We're your beta readers.
Yup. Originally, I just thought I'd tell a story for amusement of forum buddies, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to a least digitally publish it now. When I get a writer's block on volume two, I go back and work on the formatting, continuity, and chapter layouts of volume one.

I noticed last night that somewhere in the story the Gothic Fire bass player Torsten morphed into Torg. Oops. Then there's the "character learns something twice" and so on.


Quote:
Ha ha. I like that.
The band demands regular meetings where they whine about who has gotten the most "time on screen".


Quote:
I see. I was curious, so I thought I'd just ask. The pictures you posted were great to help me think of how you want to portray your characters.
I've been browsing our fine artists here on the forum (as well as occasional moments in deviantart) trying to find someone who does a style I think would work with the story. Depending on their cost in-story illustrations would be great but I'd at least like a group portrait of some kind.

Quote:
Rather than saying he's a "Mary Sue," I'd just describe him as mature.
I do use the "mature" angle to sidestep the sort of cliche behavior one sees in an anime. A 30-something has already made a lot of mistakes and if they aren't stupid they're finding new ones to make rather than repeating the old ones.


Quote:
I've finished reading through chapter six, and I must say I find each chapter becoming more enjoyable. I especially liked the chapter from Glycerin's point of view.
I made the decision early on to switch POV and choose the POV that best fit the events in a chapter. It keeps me from falling into ruts (I hope) and it lets me do exposition without it seeming forced. Its a bit of roleplay (something I've always been fond of in MMOs and D&D) as well.

Quote:
Also, I just have to say that the "Tsika broke into the frigid dark refrains of the opening bass line..." part was pretty awesome. It was really descriptive.
I fret that I get too ... melodramatic/maudlin/verbose/hyperbolic. So far my editor buddy seems to like the stuff (there's a description that Blar made about Kpau while they're in San Francisco that she says required her to wipe coffee spray off her screen).

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-12-05 at 20:00.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 21:46   Link #88
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Okay, we're knee deep in Glyc's butterflies, ponies, and sharp razors ... time for some darkness (yes, I'm still fighting with Kpau's chapter, chapter 5 - feel like its important to get right)

This video is possibly the future result of Tsika talking Blar into doing a Goth Festival gig .... and yes, everyone dresses up.

Tsika listened to a lot of Russian opera as a small child, Glyc solo at 2:55):
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-12-09 at 21:34. Reason: redoing videos for later
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 22:59   Link #89
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 03 (“Sex And Candy”)

(RE-RELEASE OF VOLUME TWO CHAPTER THREE)

If you don't want to re-read it, you'll live but I'd appreciate it, of course.

Volume 02 Chapter 03 (“Sex And Candy”) (version 0.9)
TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 03
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Apologies for the re-release, hopefully the read is more enjoyable.
Author note:
1) Trying something different in expressing character internal first-person thoughts versus descriptive text. If I like it, will rework the prior chapters accordingly as I format volume 1.
2) Glyc's point-of-view ... always interesting/challenging to try and convey.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:24.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-04, 23:08   Link #90
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 04 (“Love Song For A Vampire”)

(RE-RELEASE OF VOL 02 CHAP 04)Again, you might live not re-reading it but I'd appreciate it

Volume 02 Chapter 04 (“Love Song For A Vampire”)
(version 0.9)

TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 04
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Now back to fist fighting my way through chapter 5 where we get Kpau's point of view for some important events.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:24.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-05, 17:25   Link #91
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 05 (“Closer”)

Volume 02 Chapter 05 (“Closer”) (version 0.9)

contents should be considered NSFW - just sayin'
TL;DR…
vol 02 chapter 05 content Note: NSFW
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Author's note: Crossing a small Rubicon here, we'll see how it goes. I should say I originally wrote a much more explicit chapter but I'm abiding by the forum rule guidelines of that "PG-13" line in the sand. If I find a good spot to "publish" - I'll return the story to its uncensored form.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:24.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-10, 10:42   Link #92
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 06 (“White Rabbit”)

Volume 02 Chapter 06 (“White Rabbit”) (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
vol 02 ch 06 content
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
This and the next chapter or two have a lot of Glycerin - just sayin'

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:24.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-10, 11:11   Link #93
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Posting a few videos of what I think are somewhat thematic "character songs" that go with each character well. Glyc may need two or three depending on which reality lens is used. Read the chapter 6 above before you watch the videos ...

A certain quality of Glycerin's more erratic aspects.
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Best match to Tsika I've found yet.
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
A more somber thematic for Kpau. (revised for rock festival)
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-28 at 16:37.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-11, 11:03   Link #94
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
A couple more videos and then story time:

The three Lost Girls doing what they do best - making noise together (I like the synchronized kick Blar and Glyc do in the opener):
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Blar's thematic, classical metalish, of course -
YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-12-24 at 04:24.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-13, 15:27   Link #95
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 07 (“She Talks To Angels”)

Volume 02 Chapter 07 (“She Talks To Angels”) (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 07 content
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:25.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-17, 11:46   Link #96
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 08 (“Angels and Demons”)

Volume 02 Chapter 08 (“Angels and Demons”) (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 08 content
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Author note: Hmmm, i've been planning this chapter since my initial outline. I can't decide if it actually works or not. Well, we'll see what people think. I'm not adverse to ripping out the walls and rethinking it.
edit: no wall ripping so far but some good points made, minor rewrites in progress - but no actual plot line changes so far.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:25.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-17, 18:41   Link #97
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
This is an updated video where the title and chorus seem to fit ---

YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-11 at 06:06.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-21, 22:13   Link #98
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 09 (“I Want Your Sex”)

Volume 02 Chapter 09 (“I Want Your Sex”) (version 0.9)

contents are NSFW (sexual situations)
TL;DR…
vol 02 chapter 09 content Note: NSFW
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
There, we're definitely into the storyline now. I can safely say I'm past the introductions and expositions.

Glyc's "asymmetric bob" without the hat.


Apparently, "young adult" books are starting to trend big. Hmmmm.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:25.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2012-12-28, 01:13   Link #99
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 10 (“Ride A White Swan”)

Volume 02 Chapter 10 (“Ride A White Swan”) (version 0.9)
TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 10 content
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Was looking for a version of tune Glycerin sings as an example and tripped across this lovely Brit lass singing - with the instrument in question. Perfect example. The young lady's youtube handle is 'doodlebugamy' and she covers a number of tunes. Give them a listen

YouTube
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:25.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2013-01-02, 13:48   Link #100
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part One

Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part One (version 0.9)

TL;DR…
vol 02 chap 11 part one
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
My word processor says I have 40000ish characters in this chapter. The forum software claims I've got more than 50000 characters and it won't let me post the whole chapter. I think the forum software failed math (or it counts very strangely, I don't have that many meta-tags).

Anyway, the rest of the chapter is in the next post.

Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:26.
Vexx is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
comedy, drama, light novel, music, romance

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:20.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.