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Old 2012-10-13, 15:54   Link #1
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
mystogan's CODEX of Creation

okay now this in my first time doing something like this,
first let me make it clear that this is not a fanfic of any original work that already exist, i totally made everything up in this, but you might find some similar elements of other anime/manga/novels in it,but this not a fanfic,

i made up the story,universe and characters in this myself, right now i am posting the prologue to introduce the main character and the universe, well i haven't gone past the prologue myself

And just ignore the grammatical mistakes, i'll try to improve in future
just enjoy it and post your thought on it, thank you
and also i haven't thought for the title yet, will get to it soon aswell

Spoiler for Prologue:
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Last edited by mystogan; 2012-10-13 at 16:18.
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Old 2012-11-04, 13:28   Link #2
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
Guild

from here on the main story begins, the story might seem fast paced, that's because i don't want to waste time and space on the same scene or minor things, and there is lot of material to cover
i am still searching for the title of series and i would like some suggestions,

Name of this chapter is "Guild"

And please excuse me for grammatical or silly mistakes i am trying to improve, and please leave your thoughts and any kind of criticism is also welcomed

Spoiler for chapter 1:Guild:
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Old 2012-11-04, 22:54   Link #3
Lost Cause
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Age: 37
An interesting story! Please continue.
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Old 2012-11-04, 22:57   Link #4
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
^ah finally actual first reply , thank you i am sure it will turn out even more interesting in the future
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Old 2012-11-12, 14:18   Link #5
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
Meet the Mages

here is the next chapter, Chapter 2: 'Meet the Mages'
i hope my writing skills are getting better, or alteast making less mistakes

Note: this is not like a normal novel, this writing project is like an episodic story

Spoiler for Meet the Mages:
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Old 2012-11-12, 22:18   Link #6
Lost Cause
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Location: Virginia
Age: 37
Much better! Keep it going!!
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Old 2012-11-20, 04:33   Link #7
Kerspunkle
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Your imagination
Pretty interesting so far. I really like the names of the people and places. I can already tell you've improved. I think you should provide more details for clarity, though. For example, the scene where the thief first appears is pretty confusing. I didn't understand the part where he grabbed the metal rod. Do all the houses have metal rods? I couldn't imagine that part. I think more detail would clarify that up.

Keep at it!
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Old 2012-12-01, 05:33   Link #8
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
ok, so here i have the next chapter,
'Chapter 3:Purpose'


Spoiler for Purpose:
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Last edited by mystogan; 2013-07-10 at 17:53.
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Old 2012-12-06, 22:12   Link #9
Lost Cause
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Age: 37
Very good!! Keep at it!
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Old 2012-12-07, 14:43   Link #10
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
i have thought a lot on this and i have finally decided to name this story as "The Melancholy of Arwin Klein"

and now the 4th chapter, Chapter 4:'Rivalry Begins'

Spoiler for Rivalry Begins:
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Old 2012-12-07, 15:49   Link #11
Kerspunkle
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Your imagination
Exciting chapter! I especially liked the comedic parts and the battle with the monster.

I can see you added more details. This helped me imagine what was happening better, which made it more enjoyable. There were grammatical errors, but there were less than in the previous chapters.
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Old 2012-12-07, 15:58   Link #12
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerspunkle View Post
Exciting chapter! I especially liked the comedic parts and the battle with the monster.

I can see you added more details. This helped me imagine what was happening better, which made it more enjoyable. There were grammatical errors, but there were less than in the previous chapters.
well it has the first big one on one battle, so it get's serious in the second half and i'll try to reduce the grammatical mistakes in the future
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Old 2012-12-07, 16:05   Link #13
Kerspunkle
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Your imagination
Yeah. I enjoyed the battle between Arwin and Gilbert as well. I thought it was the most exciting chapter so far. The story is getting more juicy. I don't know if you understand what I mean by that, but I don't really know how to describe the feeling.
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Old 2012-12-07, 16:07   Link #14
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerspunkle View Post
Yeah. I enjoyed the battle between Arwin and Gilbert as well. I thought it was the most exciting chapter so far. The story is getting more juicy. I don't know if you understand what I mean by that, but I don't really know how to describe the feeling.
oh, i do understand what you mean by that
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Old 2012-12-07, 16:20   Link #15
Kerspunkle
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Location: Your imagination
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Originally Posted by mystogan View Post
oh, i do understand what you mean by that
Oh, that's good then. I guess I want to say that it feels like more action is coming up soon in the story. I think that kind of feeling makes a story more enjoyable.
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Old 2012-12-10, 23:02   Link #16
Lost Cause
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Virginia
Age: 37
Finally some real "meat and potatoes" action and a side of humor thrown in for good measure!
The sparring between Gilbert and Arwin was at times comedic, and get you could tell that one was feeling out the others strengths and weaknesses.
All in all this story kelps getting better!
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Old 2012-12-21, 14:42   Link #17
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
to those who read this, i hope you are enjoying this fiction, here is the next chapter 5 "Arystar".
i hope my writing mistakes have decreased and if not then please tell me

Spoiler for chapter 5: Arystar:
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Old 2012-12-22, 12:56   Link #18
Lost Cause
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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You have improved greatly! And this story was riveting! I like this Arystar, dark, mysteriius, just like a good wizard should be.
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Old 2012-12-22, 14:23   Link #19
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lost Cause View Post
You have improved greatly! And this story was riveting! I like this Arystar, dark, mysteriius, just like a good wizard should be.
thanks you very much, i am glad you liked, and Arystar is one of my special characters and there was also Lukas
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Old 2013-01-21, 19:30   Link #20
mystogan
The Lost Lamb
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: in Darkness
this update in the story has been very late, actually have been busy with college and stuff, but i'll try to be quick on the update as much as possible

this is chapter 6:"Foul Drink".

as usual please point out my writing mistakes, and this time i have started a continuous arc, hope you like it

Spoiler for Foul Drink:
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