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Old 2012-12-24, 23:15   Link #37421
Craxuan
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@Old_Iron,

Thanks. I'd have to go back and fix the mistakes and some logic errors (I'm pretty sure I screwed up somewhere due to the sheer size of... everything >_>), but right now it's going all-out on the final chapter because... I need to study for finals. T_T
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Old 2012-12-25, 02:03   Link #37422
Koveras Alvane
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Iron View Post
A bit short, so I can't really comment on it. But it looks like things are starting to heat up quite a bit.
Short? O__o It's the longest thing I've ever written thus far.

Quote:
I would highly suggest longer, or at least meatier chapters. It may help draw readers in more to the setting you're creating.
Well, I could group more scenes into chapters, but if by "meaty" you mean that I should add more test to the chapters, that's just not my style. Besides, I am not really creating a setting there, just using an (almost) canon one to explore a "What If?" scenario.
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Old 2012-12-25, 08:20   Link #37423
Lhklan
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The second part of Starlight Carnival Chapter 1 is taking a bit longer than expected, mainly due to a new plot bunny.

It's an interlude called "Alicia meet... Alicia?"
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Old 2012-12-25, 08:44   Link #37424
Craxuan
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Why are Vita's battle scenes so hard to write?
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Old 2012-12-25, 09:03   Link #37425
Lhklan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Why are Vita's battle scenes so hard to write?
Cause she's awesome?

In all seriousness though, it's her style. When you say war hammer, you think of a big one, with someone matching that size wielding, not a loli. So it's harder to imagine it. At least, that's what I think.
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Old 2012-12-25, 10:31   Link #37426
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Why are Vita's battle scenes so hard to write?
When I post up my Vita replays for Gears of Destiny, maybe that will give you a little inspiration. She is such a broken little badass although in Nanoha reality, Eisen wouldn't be able to rapidly shift between forms so easily.
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Old 2012-12-25, 10:40   Link #37427
Lhklan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi View Post
When I post up my Vita replays for Gears of Destiny, maybe that will give you a little inspiration. She is such a broken little badass although in Nanoha reality, Eisen wouldn't be able to rapidly shift between forms so easily.
Eh? You're still around? I thought you were swamped with works or something.
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Old 2012-12-25, 10:42   Link #37428
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On Christmas break for now but my new current obsession is putting up Gears of Destiny replays on my YouTube
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Old 2012-12-25, 10:45   Link #37429
Lhklan
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While I love your replays, their quality seems a bit off.
Did you use a camera?
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Old 2012-12-25, 10:49   Link #37430
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Yeah, using a Digital Camera.
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Old 2012-12-25, 14:05   Link #37431
Craxuan
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Can't believe that I'm finally at the end of the battle scene. Well, for the Wolkenritters anyway. Jesus. ROLL BACK TIME (WHILE KEEPING MY CURRENT PROGRESS INTACT) SANTA CLAUS! PLEASE!
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Old 2012-12-25, 22:35   Link #37432
Mr Coin
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Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
*rises from the graves*

Just finished Part 2 of Chapter 12!... *wobble* you know, The Two Goddesses!

*collapses*

*crawls to laptop for final chappie*
I don't know why did the mods banned but I'm glad you're back.

Hmmm, just finished reading the entire reviewed version from chapters one to twelve and it appears like Zelrecth abused his powers to play mad scientist.

There some reviewing to be done in the latest chapters, I've also noticed a few mistakes in the previous chapters that eluded you, but nothing big. The hair-raising adventure of anti-hero!Hayate overshadows those said mistakes anyways.

Nice work and Merry Christmas.
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Old 2012-12-25, 23:26   Link #37433
WarpObscura
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Why are Vita's battle scenes so hard to write?
Unfamiliarity with how her weapon is used?
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Old 2012-12-26, 06:05   Link #37434
Craxuan
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Probably. After all if we're talking about Graf Eisen, the only good thing about the weapon is to smash thing to pieces. XD

I failed my deadline. Again. >_> Apparently every tiny section that I imagine wouldn't take long was at least 3k words long, and now the entire Chapter 12 numbered at god damn 30k words. I'm posting up Part 3 (just finished) later, because it looks like we need a Part 4 to fit things properly... Oh I don't know. >_>

Killing takes a looot of effort to write after all.

:P

Including the epilogue, there should be about four sections left. Let's hope that by some miracle I'll be able to finish it tonight, because I can't concentrate on my finals at all with only five days left to study.
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Old 2012-12-26, 08:58   Link #37435
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Originally Posted by Lhklan View Post

"I assure you, it is perfectly safe." the scientist said.
You mean it's Safe for the Users but NOT for the victim... hehehehe
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And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2012-12-26, 09:41   Link #37436
Mr Coin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Craxuan View Post
Probably. After all if we're talking about Graf Eisen, the only good thing about the weapon is to smash thing to pieces. XD

I failed my deadline. Again. >_> Apparently every tiny section that I imagine wouldn't take long was at least 3k words long, and now the entire Chapter 12 numbered at god damn 30k words. I'm posting up Part 3 (just finished) later, because it looks like we need a Part 4 to fit things properly... Oh I don't know. >_>

Killing takes a looot of effort to write after all.

:P

Including the epilogue, there should be about four sections left. Let's hope that by some miracle I'll be able to finish it tonight, because I can't concentrate on my finals at all with only five days left to study.
Wow, take your fingers off from the keyboard for a moment. Thirty thousand words is a lot, can you please, I'm begging you, please, split them into chapter because readers might need a short time to contemplate, stare at a space, digesting all the scenes you've typed. I once remembered taking my eyes off the computer screen for a moment, only to return from day-dream land in irritation because I got lost in the sea of paragraphs, I think I've spent most of my time scrolling through the screen than reading.

Last edited by Mr Coin; 2012-12-26 at 10:33.
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Old 2012-12-26, 10:00   Link #37437
Craxuan
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I'm saying the entire Chapter 12; so far it's being split into 3 parts already, and the last part, well... I am so tempted to get my sleep but...
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Old 2012-12-26, 10:37   Link #37438
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As promised to Crax, I got some Vita replays up on my channel to demonstrate her game breaker status.
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Old 2012-12-26, 10:50   Link #37439
Craxuan
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Thanks! And er, before I forget, part 3 is up!
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Old 2012-12-27, 20:10   Link #37440
Filraen
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lhklan: Miracles View Post
Eh, it appears I failed.

Oh, and kudos to those who can recognize all the fanfics in it.
What bothered me the most was the I Stand Alone version of Yuuno: as far as I understand he should be dead in the events of Jail attack or in the immediate aftermath (wasn't the other ending not being taken seriously by the author himself?). Second, he shouldn't be so... defeated as he feels: in the hypotetical case he survived he should be better taken cared of, but he feels the same if not worse. I don't think he should be the happiest man in any world but I think he should have felt not so bad about himself. After all, stopping that attack saving Hayate, Vivio and all those other people should have counted for something, right?


And while I'm not sure what eactly, I'm sure it has to mean something not even Old Iron could recognize him.

Last edited by Filraen; 2012-12-27 at 20:21.
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