AnimeSuki Forums

Vexx · 2013-01-02, 13:48

Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part One (version 0.9)

TL;DR…

vol 02 chap 11 part one

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

My word processor says I have 40000ish characters in this chapter. The forum software claims I've got more than 50000 characters and it won't let me post the whole chapter. I think the forum software failed math (or it counts very strangely, I don't have that many meta-tags).

Anyway, the rest of the chapter is in the next post.

Vexx · 2013-01-02, 15:34

Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part Two (version 0.9)

TL;DR…

vol 02 chap 11 part two content

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Will be rethinking chapter breaks for both volumes later ... but on we go.

Vexx · 2013-01-03, 17:56

A few fan videos of their spring gigs over the next few posts:

Note Glyc's antics after 2:00 (at 2:10-2:20). Love that.

YouTube

http://youtu.be/qfQq5kMJC3E

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-03, 18:31

Tsika's rendition of a tune Aina likes. I like trying new wardrobe garb mixes on the characters periodically - it also gives me ideas for little side stories and the like.

YouTube

http://youtu.be/4dtIXVBgwxA

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-06, 22:54

Starting 2013, I'd like to thank people who read my drafts so far and *especially* those who gave me feedback, criticism, comments. Those inputs really do help me.

I'm going to slow down chapter releases a bit and increase their length, probably one chapter a week. I'm going to spend January doing my rewrite project on the first volume. Some parts are still far too sketchy and compressed (example: some people thought some of the events at Aina's house were happening so thick and fast they were having trouble keeping track, foreshadowing notes were too subtle to catch, etc).

I'm going to alter some things to adjust the pacing and try to end each volume on more upbeat themes. The rest of the ski trip adventure will be released in a day or two.

Vexx · 2013-01-07, 20:44

A spring time concert moment. Tsika sings a cover of Bif Naked's tune. (hmmm, the youtube upload/conversion process spooged up the audio-video sync a bit so some of the lip movements aren't lined up with the video, bah)

"You Make Me Sick!" ... Its a love song .... really.

YouTube

http://youtu.be/2r301VlA-lY

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-08, 17:26

Glycerin's head is packed full of sugar pop stuff (born this way) ... but I really liked the animations I captured on this tune and the lyrics dance around her issues in life. Lots of interaction between her and Tsika.

YouTube

http://youtu.be/MyzTh6_EMeU

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

One of the few songs where I can get significant Tsika and Blar duet vocals (blaze of glory):

YouTube

http://youtu.be/3NBcWd6Bon8

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-09, 17:14

Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Part One (version 0.9)

TL;DR…

vol 02 chap 12 part one

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Hmmm, another chapter that had to be split in two despite my character count being about 38,000. Something is lying to me. On to Part Two.

Vexx · 2013-01-09, 17:21

Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Part Two (version 0.9)

TL;DR…

vol 02 chap 12 part two

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

author note: not entirely happy with some of the dialog. red-marked for later. also still stewing about some of Glyc's implementation but its modular enough I think I can tweak if I decide it was a fail.

Vexx · 2013-01-09, 19:41

Author commentary moment --

Spoiler for Author commentary on story so far in the light novel "It Really IS Rocket Science" and request for feedback:

I'm reworking the first volume and as my own worst critic, I'm surprised anyone thought it was very good. Well, I think the story I'm telling is kind of interesting but my skill in telling it well is splotchy. Chapters are very sketchy, it isn't often clear who is saying what, there are continuity problems, you get the idea.

On the strategic level, I'm trying to decide if I took a wrong turn in my implementation of Glycerin. I'd always planned to have her be mostly the way she is with her dysfunctional shyness, her closet feelings about Tsika, her worship of Blar and Aina, and her suicidal tendencies over her loss of family. Originally, Little Snake was simply going to be a voice in her head who *persuaded* her to damage herself, one she spoke to only she could hear. It would not 'take over' like what happens in MPD patients.

I started reading about MPD and amplified Snake into a full shadow personality that would shift Glyc out of consciousness and we got what we see here.

Okay, this was interesting to me and all trying to write how that looks and feels -- I'm just not certain it was a good idea to put in this story.

I've written it in a way I can redesign Snake without having to rip too much of the plot line up but I'd appreciate any feedback on whether people think Snake is great, stupid, distracting, interfering, or whatever. As far as that goes, comments on any character or their believability would be appreciated. In short, voice-in-the-head? or full multiple-personality-disorder?

On a separate note, having seen polyamorous relationships in my life (not me but I've been friends with triples, etc) I hope I'm portraying the complexity well. I'm not saying it is sustainable but the group might be about to try it.

As I said at the start of this, I'm not writing a staple light novel of japanese sensibilities. I'm writing a western story that uses anime/manga tropes and in most cases, subverts them or flips them upside down. If you spot a trope being mangled, consider it an easter egg.

The regular people who are commenting via PM, etc., please continue - I love it.

Vexx · 2013-01-11, 18:11

While I'm writing, here's a glimmer of one of the band's theme nights (delivered on request by the clubs). This is Wonderland theme night (as in Alice in Wonderland). The band dressed accordingly - Alice, Red Queen, Mad Hatter, Hookah-smoking Caterpillar.

opening number (white rabbit)

YouTube

http://youtu.be/84ZiHeMaDhg

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

lights and mushrooms (somebody to love)

YouTube

http://youtu.be/yiyFKaSUxqg

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

When it gets hot, Glycerin starts losing pieces of her costume (kpau on vocals here, lips are sealed)

YouTube

http://youtu.be/tS-g5P1Irao

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

[updated video for Glyc's video, see below - didn't like the effects it kept forcing -- will repost below]

Kpau has a really excellent Alice persona outfit going there and Glyc is just kind of mesmerizing at times.

Vexx · 2013-01-15, 19:09

Chapter 13 (“Kiss Them For Me”) (version 0.9)

TL;DR…

vol 02 chap 13 content

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-18, 01:49

Re-release of Glyc's part of the Wonderland gig (after a healthy dose of magic fog smoke and rum). I borked the first few frames but the rest of it I'm okay with.

YouTube

http://youtu.be/rNV4lyMjqic

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Note: there's a video/audio pop a little after 4:45. I'm not sure what is causing those yet. Have found a few such pops in other recent video projects. Great. :P

Kudryavka · 2013-01-20, 18:16

Did you write/record the songs? Sha.
Anyway I'm gonna read...

Vexx · 2013-01-20, 20:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kudryavka

Did you write/record the songs? Sha.
Anyway I'm gonna read...

Thanks! Any comments appreciated on the story. I am tinkering with writing original lyrics for the band to sing occasionally but mostly the story is about the business of being in a band, the romances, comedy, drama, and the off-stage adventures.

The videos are mostly my tool for helping me visualize the characters, their personalities, and the music they like to play - and obviously the tools are the Rock Band gaming system.

Kerspunkle · 2013-01-21, 17:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vexx

I made the decision early on to switch POV and choose the POV that best fit the events in a chapter. It keeps me from falling into ruts (I hope) and it lets me do exposition without it seeming forced. Its a bit of roleplay (something I've always been fond of in MMOs and D&D) as well.

I enjoy stories that switch POV like this!

I think it helps the reader become more connected with the characters. There is one thing you should watch out for when switching POV often, though. I noticed in a couple of places where it's a certain character's POV and then it will switch to something that's out of the character's scope. For example, in one scene describing Tsika from Blar's POV it says something about the outfit she is wearing got her in trouble in her boarding school days (or something like that). It's something Blar wouldn't really know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vexx

I fret that I get too ... melodramatic/maudlin/verbose/hyperbolic.

Well, some writers would probably agree with that statement... but those writers are just boring!

I say keep at it! I think that good stories are the ones that make people feel. In my opinion, wording your story how you have elicits more feelings. For example, I could imagine myself being in the crowd of people getting pumped up by the band's music. Ugh! I'm not very good at articulating my thoughts. Hopefully you understand what I mean. I'll try to clarify if you don't understand what I'm talking about.

Vexx · 2013-01-21, 20:22

No, I get it. Since then my editor has been pretty supportive of the level of description.

As for the POV problem, yeah, I'm going through the first volume this month and correcting all that sort of continuity or POV problems. Also retro-inserting things that I added in later (like speaking styles).

Thanks for the feedback!

Vexx · 2013-01-22, 02:31

THIS IS NOT THE LATEST CHAPTER. Just saying.

It is a peek into the rewrites I'm doing of Volume 1. Readers with good memory will notice I merged chapter 1 and chapter 2 of the first volume. Both were far too short on their own. This is the first pass at revising volume 1. You'll notice some shifts in tone, plot changes, some retrofitting of information to improve foreshadowing and such. Just wanted to show how story rewriting can go. Tap. Tap tap.

I haven't decided whether to overhaul this thread or just encourage people to "buy the book" however that works out. One thing is for certain the 50,000 character limit on a post is turning into a major annoyance.

Chapter One “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” (version 0.95)

TL;DR…

Volume 1 Revised, New Format, Chapter 1

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Vexx · 2013-01-22, 19:04

Another reason I'm rewriting the first volume (in addition to making it publish-worthy) - my editor friend and I were discussing strategic issues with the story. In summary:

1) the characters are far too self-aware and on the same page about perceptions. Tsika is not especially self-aware about her insecurities and she totally missed on what is going on inside Glycerin's head. Kpau makes mistakes. Blar makes mistakes, misses clues. This is what believable personalities do -- the story needs more of that.
2) The story seems filled with melodrama, as if each scene has to be a crisis. More *daily life* to flesh out personalities and relationships. This is something I'm trying hard to do in volume 2 but going back and redoing volume 1 is needed as well.
3) Mitigating what are strictly anime-acceptable tropes that don't really fly for other readers. There aren't too many of these but I'd like this to be accessible to anyone, not just people steeped in anime world.

Next chapter is almost ready, probably post it tomorrow and I'll stop moaning about the exercise of writing.

Vexx · 2013-01-23, 20:27

Almost time for the rock festival ... as a 'near future' ED, here's Tsika covering "What You Want". I'm especially happy with some of the animation moves in this one, plus I think Glyc looks pretty smoking in black leather slacks (derp me).

YouTube

http://youtu.be/4bll3sR-ahQ

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

(having trouble with part of the current chapter 8P)

2013-01-02, 13:48	Link #101
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part One Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part One (version 0.9) TL;DR… vol 02 chap 11 part one Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? My word processor says I have 40000ish characters in this chapter. The forum software claims I've got more than 50000 characters and it won't let me post the whole chapter. I think the forum software failed math (or it counts very strangely, I don't have that many meta-tags). Anyway, the rest of the chapter is in the next post. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:26.

2013-01-02, 15:34	Link #102
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part Two Volume 02 Chapter 11 (“Walk Like An Egyptian”) Part Two (version 0.9) TL;DR… vol 02 chap 11 part two content Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? Will be rethinking chapter breaks for both volumes later ... but on we go. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:26.

2013-01-03, 17:56	Link #103
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	A few fan videos of their spring gigs over the next few posts: Note Glyc's antics after 2:00 (at 2:10-2:20). Love that. YouTube http://youtu.be/qfQq5kMJC3E Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-04 at 03:29.

2013-01-03, 18:31	Link #104
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Tsika's rendition of a tune Aina likes. I like trying new wardrobe garb mixes on the characters periodically - it also gives me ideas for little side stories and the like. YouTube http://youtu.be/4dtIXVBgwxA Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-03 at 18:50.

2013-01-06, 22:54	Link #105
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Starting 2013, I'd like to thank people who read my drafts so far and especially those who gave me feedback, criticism, comments. Those inputs really do help me. I'm going to slow down chapter releases a bit and increase their length, probably one chapter a week. I'm going to spend January doing my rewrite project on the first volume. Some parts are still far too sketchy and compressed (example: some people thought some of the events at Aina's house were happening so thick and fast they were having trouble keeping track, foreshadowing notes were too subtle to catch, etc). I'm going to alter some things to adjust the pacing and try to end each volume on more upbeat themes. The rest of the ski trip adventure will be released in a day or two. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading))

2013-01-07, 20:44	Link #106
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	A spring time concert moment. Tsika sings a cover of Bif Naked's tune. (hmmm, the youtube upload/conversion process spooged up the audio-video sync a bit so some of the lip movements aren't lined up with the video, bah) "You Make Me Sick!" ... Its a love song .... really. YouTube http://youtu.be/2r301VlA-lY Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-08 at 05:56.

2013-01-08, 17:26	Link #107
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Glycerin's head is packed full of sugar pop stuff (born this way) ... but I really liked the animations I captured on this tune and the lyrics dance around her issues in life. Lots of interaction between her and Tsika. YouTube http://youtu.be/MyzTh6_EMeU Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? One of the few songs where I can get significant Tsika and Blar duet vocals (blaze of glory): YouTube http://youtu.be/3NBcWd6Bon8 Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-08 at 20:02.

2013-01-09, 17:14	Link #108
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Part One (version 0.9) TL;DR… vol 02 chap 12 part one Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? Hmmm, another chapter that had to be split in two despite my character count being about 38,000. Something is lying to me. On to Part Two. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:27.

2013-01-09, 17:21	Link #109
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Part Two Chapter 12 (“Are You Gonna Be My Girl”) Part Two (version 0.9) TL;DR… vol 02 chap 12 part two Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? author note: not entirely happy with some of the dialog. red-marked for later. also still stewing about some of Glyc's implementation but its modular enough I think I can tweak if I decide it was a fail. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:27.

2013-01-09, 19:41	Link #110
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Author commentary moment -- Spoiler for Author commentary on story so far in the light novel "It Really IS Rocket Science" and request for feedback: I'm reworking the first volume and as my own worst critic, I'm surprised anyone thought it was very good. Well, I think the story I'm telling is kind of interesting but my skill in telling it well is splotchy. Chapters are very sketchy, it isn't often clear who is saying what, there are continuity problems, you get the idea. On the strategic level, I'm trying to decide if I took a wrong turn in my implementation of Glycerin. I'd always planned to have her be mostly the way she is with her dysfunctional shyness, her closet feelings about Tsika, her worship of Blar and Aina, and her suicidal tendencies over her loss of family. Originally, Little Snake was simply going to be a voice in her head who persuaded her to damage herself, one she spoke to only she could hear. It would not 'take over' like what happens in MPD patients. I started reading about MPD and amplified Snake into a full shadow personality that would shift Glyc out of consciousness and we got what we see here. Okay, this was interesting to me and all trying to write how that looks and feels -- I'm just not certain it was a good idea to put in this story. I've written it in a way I can redesign Snake without having to rip too much of the plot line up but I'd appreciate any feedback on whether people think Snake is great, stupid, distracting, interfering, or whatever. As far as that goes, comments on any character or their believability would be appreciated. In short, voice-in-the-head? or full multiple-personality-disorder? On a separate note, having seen polyamorous relationships in my life (not me but I've been friends with triples, etc) I hope I'm portraying the complexity well. I'm not saying it is sustainable but the group might be about to try it. As I said at the start of this, I'm not writing a staple light novel of japanese sensibilities. I'm writing a western story that uses anime/manga tropes and in most cases, subverts them or flips them upside down. If you spot a trope being mangled, consider it an easter egg. The regular people who are commenting via PM, etc., please continue - I love it. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-09 at 20:06.

2013-01-11, 18:11	Link #111
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	While I'm writing, here's a glimmer of one of the band's theme nights (delivered on request by the clubs). This is Wonderland theme night (as in Alice in Wonderland). The band dressed accordingly - Alice, Red Queen, Mad Hatter, Hookah-smoking Caterpillar. opening number (white rabbit) YouTube http://youtu.be/84ZiHeMaDhg Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? lights and mushrooms (somebody to love) YouTube http://youtu.be/yiyFKaSUxqg Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? When it gets hot, Glycerin starts losing pieces of her costume (kpau on vocals here, lips are sealed) YouTube http://youtu.be/tS-g5P1Irao Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? [updated video for Glyc's video, see below - didn't like the effects it kept forcing -- will repost below] Kpau has a really excellent Alice persona outfit going there and Glyc is just kind of mesmerizing at times. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-18 at 01:00.

2013-01-15, 19:09	Link #112
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Chapter 13 ("Kiss Them For Me") Chapter 13 (“Kiss Them For Me”) (version 0.9) TL;DR… vol 02 chap 13 content Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:28. Reason: Finding all sorts of bugs and blerps

2013-01-18, 01:49	Link #113
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Re-release of Glyc's part of the Wonderland gig (after a healthy dose of magic fog smoke and rum). I borked the first few frames but the rest of it I'm okay with. YouTube http://youtu.be/rNV4lyMjqic Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? Note: there's a video/audio pop a little after 4:45. I'm not sure what is causing those yet. Have found a few such pops in other recent video projects. Great. :P __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-30 at 17:10.

2013-01-20, 18:16	Link #114
Kudryavka Senior Member Join Date: May 2009	Did you write/record the songs? Sha. Anyway I'm gonna read...

2013-01-21, 20:22	Link #117
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	No, I get it. Since then my editor has been pretty supportive of the level of description. As for the POV problem, yeah, I'm going through the first volume this month and correcting all that sort of continuity or POV problems. Also retro-inserting things that I added in later (like speaking styles). Thanks for the feedback! __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading))

2013-01-22, 02:31	Link #118
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Example of story revision (1st volume 1st/2nd chapter rewritten and merged) THIS IS NOT THE LATEST CHAPTER. Just saying. It is a peek into the rewrites I'm doing of Volume 1. Readers with good memory will notice I merged chapter 1 and chapter 2 of the first volume. Both were far too short on their own. This is the first pass at revising volume 1. You'll notice some shifts in tone, plot changes, some retrofitting of information to improve foreshadowing and such. Just wanted to show how story rewriting can go. Tap. Tap tap. I haven't decided whether to overhaul this thread or just encourage people to "buy the book" however that works out. One thing is for certain the 50,000 character limit on a post is turning into a major annoyance. Chapter One “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” (version 0.95) TL;DR… Volume 1 Revised, New Format, Chapter 1 Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-04-04 at 21:29.

2013-01-22, 19:04	Link #119
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Another reason I'm rewriting the first volume (in addition to making it publish-worthy) - my editor friend and I were discussing strategic issues with the story. In summary: 1) the characters are far too self-aware and on the same page about perceptions. Tsika is not especially self-aware about her insecurities and she totally missed on what is going on inside Glycerin's head. Kpau makes mistakes. Blar makes mistakes, misses clues. This is what believable personalities do -- the story needs more of that. 2) The story seems filled with melodrama, as if each scene has to be a crisis. More daily life to flesh out personalities and relationships. This is something I'm trying hard to do in volume 2 but going back and redoing volume 1 is needed as well. 3) Mitigating what are strictly anime-acceptable tropes that don't really fly for other readers. There aren't too many of these but I'd like this to be accessible to anyone, not just people steeped in anime world. Next chapter is almost ready, probably post it tomorrow and I'll stop moaning about the exercise of writing. __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-22 at 19:17.

2013-01-23, 20:27	Link #120
Vexx Obey the Darkly Cute ... Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ... Age: 55	Almost time for the rock festival ... as a 'near future' ED, here's Tsika covering "What You Want". I'm especially happy with some of the animation moves in this one, plus I think Glyc looks pretty smoking in black leather slacks (derp me). YouTube http://youtu.be/4bll3sR-ahQ Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload? (having trouble with part of the current chapter 8P) __________________ "It Really IS Rocket Science", Light Novel series Volume 3 in progress; Vol. 3 ch. 04 released) ((thanks for reading)) Last edited by Vexx; 2013-01-24 at 21:02.