Hey, I like my happy ending, one or two verse hit rock bottom doesn't mean everything else did.
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"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
Bodysuit that's weaved in a special manner that it prevents the user's limbs from moving beyond his/her range or motion. Plausible?
__________________
"You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album.
...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
It's not very grimdark when all my endings seem to swerve immediately to happy regardless of the story up to that point. Idealism is such an annoying thing sometimes.
And it's also annoying when suddenly it got worse for no reason than trying to milk dry the sympathy, causing the audience to left angrily or simply disappointed and feel betrayed.
"It's not about the beginning or the goal, it's the journey that counts" indeed, the ending has to be consistent with the build up
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
“Sneaking midnight to get lovey dovey eh, Ichika” Rin and Houki asked, not quite friendly.
“Oh c’mon, what are you reason to be angry? Okay, I’m sorry about making you wait but Yamada sensei said nothing about that” ‘Ichika’ complained.
“Fine then, I still can’t accept this pathetic guy, he even go as far as impersonating you” Cecilia shook her head dramatically, both Ichikas ticked off in response.
“We’ll find about that when the Government has a hold of him” Maya smiled brightly, “So Bodewig, please keep your weapon safe or I’ll use brute force”
The tiny German took five steps away and gave a salute, while looking terrorized.
That moment, Ichika decided to dig some information.
“Now then, Orimura-kun, you can release your I.S.”
Ichika nodded, he removed his Yukata and folded it proper, revealing his I.S. outfit.
“Seems to be Greek design” Cecilia commented “Although it’s customized”
And with limb spread he began to concentrate, in a split second, he was covered with heavy mechanized, extended limb armor, raising him upward by almost 80 cm.
Everyone knew it’s huge, but not this huge, maybe they’re just distracted that is.
“Whoa, overcompensating aren’t you?” Rin gasped, Ichika gave a “HEY!” in response. They HAVEN’T seen anything, he thought.
Everyone else materialized their armor as well as soon as they removed unnecessary clothes, although in case of Yamada, she boarded a vacant Rafael model.
“We’ll climb to 15.000 meter and fly toward I.S. academy directly, that’s the fastest and safest way”
“Roger”
“Uh… there’s a problem” Laura raised her metallic hand “Schwarzer Regen can’t fly, and now it’s heavily armored like this… even hovering took effort”
Four heavy metal plate, one in the front, one in the back, and one in each side, with a pair of retractable cannon on top of the spherical backpack. She look like a miniature walking tank than anything else, and Ichika resist to comment, afraid of his life.
“You can just board me, it works during Gospel right?”
Everyone except ‘Ichika’ and Yamada leered at him “Sorry, I’ll shut up”
“Well, I don’t see there’s any reason not to do that… his unit is fairly huge and should have enough power to do that” Charlotte smiled friendly… while pointing the tip of her CQC blade “Of course, if anything happen to her-”
Knowing what could happen; Ichika cut her off “You can trust me, I still value my life”
Charlotte dematerialize it.
“Laura, you can use that winch-like weapon if you almost fell, just be sure not to choke me or something”
“Sure thing… oh…” The four plates disappear, although the cannons still there “Sealing process complete at last, this will reduce the burden by 30%”
Laura climbed into him piggyback style, awkward as it is, at least he wasn’t doing it with the unit he remembered, that would be problematic.
“You have armor plating on your chest”
“Yeah” Ichika replied “It does wonder since ByakuShiki doesn’t have the most powerful shield around”, and he began to hover.
“Everyone ready? Let’s go”
They accelerated swiftly, and Ichika had to compensate with the increased momentum. On the other hand, he saw the ‘other’ Byakushiki…
Their design is almost identical, but her are more slender and aerodynamic, she possess both variable wing system and Setsura, though both of them are a lot more reasonable in size.
“Your engine can push harder, I know” Laura complained.
“Well, sure”
Ichika unleashed his wings, revealing two more booster unit. As the compressed fuel is ignited, he accelerated beyond what Laura expected. It’s also very loud.
“WHAT THE-“ the young supersoldier gasped, but quickly recompose herself by hugging tighter.
Ichika folded his wing as soon as he reach the proper altitude and simply use the default booster unit to glide. Finally, the girls managed to catch up.
“Double Ignition Boost…” the other ‘Ichika’ smiled “Even our hardware look similar”
“What do you mean?” Rin eagerly shook the girl.
‘Ichika’ retracted her wings as well.
“You see, Double Ignition Boost, as far as I concerned, is unique to ByakuShiki after second shift… so there’s no way to replicate it… and even if you know how, there’s no way you can do that instantly right?”
“Well… Akatsubaki probably can, but Ichika is right, that will take some time” Houki reinforced that opinion, feeling disheartened “Say, when you say you’re Ichika-”
Ichika gazed at her, looking at her doubtful eyes. He was honest, but seeing Houki like this, he didn’t like it in the slightest.
“You don’t have to believe it now”
The subsequent flight is surprisingly silent and done with a proper formation as well. Ichika fly in the center, Charlotte and Maya in the front, Cecilia and Houki in each side, and Rin covering his tail.
They dove, toward the cloud and finally approached Tokyo Bay, flying toward I.S. Academy Island.
“Now what we’re going to do?”
“I’ll stay here with Orimura-kun, you can return to the beach by yourself right?” Yamada said cheerfully “Oh and Bodewig-san, you can use this Raphael instead”
“Affirmative”
“Are you sure it’s okay? I mean, he look very perverted” Cecilia noted.
Rin waved her hand mockingly “Bah, he looks wimpy… no way he’ll do anything to Yamada-sense”
Both of them giggled.
Ichika clenched his hands, resist to use Setsura on them, not like they’re HIS friends after all, but looking at the other ‘Ichika’, who laughed at his misfortune, made him even less pleased.
“Great, you too…”
“Okay, you’re not a wimp, you’re gentleman”
“…That’s better”
All five girls took off to return, leaving strong wind in their wake. Ichika followed Yamada toward the academy building.
Everything still oddly familiar to him, but doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to be careful.
Ichika recognized the corridor as well; it’s toward the medical facility. While the Nurse’s office is good enough as it is, sometimes there’s a student who fell into something else that require extensive treatment, and thus, I.S.A. also had its own clinic.
He once went to this place when he arrived here as he enroll, and think he had some idea why.
“I’m going to be genetically checked am I?”
“Ara, you know?”
“I have such once when I first enrolled here by Chifuyu-nee, forcibly that is” seeing the confused expression drawn on the teacher’s face, he continued “I once tried to resist, but then again, I have no other choice. That’s the only way Chifuyu-nee can protect me all the time”
“Ah, I see…”
“It might felt odd for you”
“Not really…” she shook her head “Years I’ve know her, she might never show it unsubtly, but she always care about people close to her”
Ichika is strapped into a bed, at first, the doctor and nurses is unamused, but Yamada managed to convince them that no, she’s not joking.
“Now how can we remove this-“
Byakushiki clack open and remove itself form Ichika’s hand and materialize as a kneeling I.S. without its pilot, the nurses’ jawdropped, and one almost fainted even.
“Okay, let’s begin”
Ichika’s eyes are covered by a retinal scanner, and flinched as multiple needles are inserted into various part of his body. He also sent to advanced biometric scanner for good measure.
He spends roughly fifteen minutes inside the chamber, recorded by the machine into the tiniest detail of his body. The influence of I.S. in technology advancement sure is amazing.
“Result are out, it’ll take HOURS until we can analyze it though… for the most part,I also had to convince the head doctor that it wasn’t a joke”
“Don’t forget to keep it secret”
“Ethics, Yamada-sensei” the doctor chuckled “We’re professional… although…”
Ichika REALLY disliked the way the nurses looking at him, no, not hating him but…
The doctor’s proximity is incredibly unnerving, and even more so when she licked her lips and said “I’d like to test you myself, honey”
Ichika smiled calmly “I’m sorry, what did you say? Can I return now?”
His greatest weapon is not Byakushiki; his greatest weapon is subconscious ability to be ignorant and forgetting stuff that disturb him for convenience.
And thus, Ichika Orimura left the facility intact in all means, much to everyone’s disappointment.
“But until then, you have to hide me somewhere right?”
“Of course, Orimura-kun… let’s see…”
They arrived in the teacher’s dorm, and then it was apparent that at least the staff head, that is, the principal, already informed about this.
“I’ve heard the story from Chifuyu, I’d say to keep you on the vacant room… but if that’s the case, I’d like to confiscate your I.S. first for security reason”
“Not like I have any other choice” Ichika nodded and released his glove, this time though, it doesn’t become fully fledged I.S.
The principal examined the vambrace intently, before asked “You handed billion-dollar, irreplaceable weapon of mass destruction easily as if it means nothing?”
“I dunno” Ichika said flatly, much to both woman’s disbelief “I am certain I have no place to live in anymore, no person that I knew, and having me, a guy, clad with I.S. on the loose means I’m #1 target for either international hunting game sooner or later. Nah, too complicated”
“I don’t know whether to call you hopelessly dumb or clever… perhaps a bit of both” the principal tried to express her feeling without losing composure; she managed to, while Yamada is totally dumbstruck.
“I prefer to be called reckless idiot, thank you” Ichika friendly offer his hand “I left my fate to this academy, that’s my safest option”
As they shook their hand, Ichika had decided, if he had to repeat everything, so be it. Besides, he wasn’t going to be alone in it, well, at least, he think he won’t.
Perhaps it wasn’t as bad as he thought.
________________________________________
Chifuyu for some reason wasn’t as neglectful as he thought, and albeit he knew it’s more about her curiosity and keeping things at control, which will bite her back in the bottom side if she left it as it is.
Chifuyu even asked Tabane before, and Tabane, as far as he could remember, might be haughty and annoying at worst, but she never once lied to anyone.
And Tabane reveal that no, she didn’t know, and she’s greatly interested in this matter. Chifuyu closed the line before the bunny-maniac can continue.
As soon as the result of his Biometro-genetic analysis is out, Chifuyu is surprisingly creative in forging a story.
“So I am somewhere between a half sibling and a cousin” Ichika furrowed, he felt odd as he read his med-rec. But he can see the reason, Chifuyu is different from what he remember, slightly taller and slimmer. Her eyes also somewhat sharper in look. Overall, they’re very alike, just not exactly.
Maybe their genetics drift along with the change, he decided to put the thought aside.
“Either a cousin or you’re born from one of his mistress” Chifuyu said half-joking, female Ichika gawked in response “Chifuyu-nee, that’s mean”
“Safe option, as much as I dislike my parent’s, I’m grateful to be born… hmm, maybe cousin wasn’t such bad idea, though” he grinned.
“Hey, that’s hypocritical” female Ichika pointed, before breaking into giggles “Serves them right though”
Both of them laughed, which even incite Chifuyu of all people to smile. She doesn’t know this man, he is a stranger, and yet there’s a weak, but clear connection between them. The warm feeling within her heart is something that only her sister Ichika can provide; this man amplified it by two fold.
Ichika always was shy and only show her inner self if she trusts the person and/or close enough. Her opening to this man, for whatever reason, is both interesting and made her cautious.
Of course, she had experienced too much during her childhood to be merciful, she had nowhere enough trust for this man, and even if he’s honest to god as he appear, his boldness is too dangerous because it made him vulnerable.
In the event he tried to betray them, there will be no tomorrow left.
“Orimura, be sure not to break the curfew” She said with utter cold, though both Ichika complied with sarcastic salute.
“Starting tomorrow is summer, what are you going to do”
“There’s one thing I want to do but…”
He doesn’t know if their story could be that similar, but Rin is there right? Things weren’t that much different too, at least in general sense. So…
“I want to meet Dan” male Ichika scratch his chin awkwardly “I mean, sure thing he won’t know a bit about me, but we’re such a good friends as far as I could remember and it’ll be good to start early”
His female counterpart replied with excitement “Sure thing if that’s what you wish, I’ll go with you”
At least he could meet him.
Ichika felt like he’ll be greatly disappointed when for whatever reason, ‘Ichika’ brought him to the cemetery. He simply didn’t have enough guts to ask.
And he got his answer, there’s a modest sized tombstone, and a photo frame.
It was his friend, Dan. This is his final resting place.
Ichika examined the photo. It was Dan, smiling confidently in his gakuran whilst wearing his signature headband.
“I always thought you want to know, and now, you did” ‘Ichika’ put the flower she brought “He died a year ago in a strange accident… oddly enough, only his body remains relative intact… the rest of victim had vanished in the massive blaze”
There are no words coming from their mouths, only the occasional sob and heavy breath.
For the first time since long ago, if ever, Ichika finally broke into tears.
________________________________________
Sahara, at undisclosed location.
“[Get your lazy ass up, we’re going to leave soon]”
“What? Can’t you treat me more ladylike?”
“[Not if you don’t act like one, buster]”
The young girl frowned in response, her hair is so disheveled that it was hard to see her eyes. She combed it aside with her fingers, revealing a haughty look and grin even though it was her who’s looked down by the red haired man in mask.
“Look at you; you said you want a cold shower right? We aren’t going to achieve anything straying in the middle of nowhere like this, least having to run from Egyptian Air Force” he removed his mask, his voice had changed to more lighter and less threatening, his gray eyes pierced straight into her.
“Aw c’mon, learn to be a little lenient sometimes, Dan”
He sighed and shrugged in defeat “Well, if you say so, Madoka”
“Haha, time to kill her then“
He did a double take “You’re serious?”
“Mmmm, at least, I am serious before. But that bitch Squall is goddamn untrustworthy, and you don’t share similar agenda, right hon?” she winked wickedly, much to his annoyance.
It was truth, he don’t want to cause unnecessary bloodshed, especially if it’s people he knew personally “You are you; you don’t need to kill her just because of petty reason. If anything, you’ll lost”
“No one cared”
“No offense, but aren’t I your friend? To certain, very limited extent, at least?”
She doesn't even bother to look at him “Yes”
“I cared about your well being at least, and if you behave, little doubt that your family too… your siblings at least, they might look dysfunctional, but I knew you’ll like Ichika”
“Aww that’s so sweet Dan, but I can’t think I’ll experience happiness till I made every single plan of Fallen Nation Corps ruined”
He laughed in satisfaction, at least until she somehow grind her exposed heel on his face from the other seat. “Good, then let’s go, we’re going to Japan”
The armored car moved not like any car, more like a main battle tank at full drive, blasting through the sandlot as if it’s a smooth highway without any difficulty.
The way it’s constructed is very much similar to old F-117 Nighthawk, very blocky, very stealthy, and its infrared signature is considerably tiny for it's size. This is the reason why they managed to survive.
They had escaped from their pursuer for months, and apparently they’ve gave up. Two youngsters in a roadtrip, it wasn’t as romantic as people thought, honest.
This time, they’ll going to counterattack.
I REGRET NOTHING
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
What if IS side story of cake eater... had a teacher mentoring each of the girls. Instead of adding OC students, just following the lives of the girls as they try to find their place.
Houki, being trained to be the next Chifuyu by the swordswoman teacher. etc.
Cecilia might get a sniper teacher. Just that that teacher was actually a professional assassin at one point in her life.
Laura would be forced to go by the german government to show off. Her teacher would be a kind lady... or should it just be a bad ass?
problem is charlotte and Rin since they went to ISA because of Ichika. Rin I can imagine, Charlotte... would Dunois just outright lie about a male pilot?
Rin probably still going there because she's already cadet rep before Ichika is made a pilot, just less eager than canon.
Charlotte would be there too, just not in drag, doing teen-spy thing just because.
I think one teacher for one student is too unfair for the rest, more like one teacher for one group with commonality, and that's more or less unofficial assignment (like a teacher-assisted study group). Of course, this assuming things don't play like canon while the rest... well, they just didn't care about fighting, so the group is small enough as it is.
And if you insist putting the OC in, no one stopping you
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
Aries comes off as a standard shonen hero. His closest relation would probably be with Laura. I'm not even sure how to make him non-sueish if ever people start calling him it.
1. Ichika is examined whether he's being related to Orimura is plausible
2. Ichika is given a forged identity by Chifuyu, he and the female Ichika went to visit Dan....'s graveyard! O<O
3. Twist that Dan is pretty much alive and having a special journey with Madoka, avenging his future self =_=
@ Demi
Don't worry, stuish =/= likable, just look at HoTM, Stu beyond Stu and yet within the context of story, it just... work. Being the first extended I.S. fic probably helped though.
You'd probably avoid:
1. Emphasis of manliness
2. Emphasis of being better than Ichika
3. Emphasis of his being more popular than Ichika
4. Winning over girls in battle and romance hands down, no dynamic whatsoever.
5. His existence driving the plot.
6. Making him hog every spotlight, even when he's supposedly not important in the scene/plot point.
If you did make this as companion fic, just skip 2&3. Trust me, it'll work
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
@ Demi - Don't forget that being a badass isn't the problem: It's the struggle. You can be a badass so long as you EARN that title, and you don't turn the story into an instant win the moment that character shows up. This is the problem with many Naruto fics since they insist on giving him full control of the Fox, be the Hokage, AND have the Sharingan/Rinnegan. That's just stupidly powerful.
A touchy classification it is. If I were you, I'd just run with whatever I have in mind.
I just gave up trying to keep my OCs off the Sue charts... if they ever come close to it. Doing that just to ensure people don't get the chance to call your OC out as a Sue is as good as not having any control or freedom over your own story.
__________________
"You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album.
...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."
I always use this litmus and it's fairly trusty, I hereby guarantee it.
BTW. In the new world Ichika's new name is written as 市化 , 'Market Change', instead of 一夏, 'One Summer'. Ichika lampshaded if the other Ichika having fun choosing that meaningful name for him...
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
Yeah, it can be anything. Yes you can have pistol but woe the bullet accuracy is pathetic and the magazine is too small, sniper version are useless as well since the bullet speed is regulated anyway. Thus the most common model is either SMG or assault rifle, which can go rapid fire without being too bulky.
__________________
"I.S. Fandom is highly volatile domain filled by jaded readers tired of cliche. They're also especially skeptic to OC, especially male OC"
"Why do you ask? Imagine this: look at those, those are a bunch of character you like, bunch of characters you identified well. Then there's that machine, singlehandedly flipped the social order, where females become more dominant, and boost the advancement of technology."
"Then suddenly you look at him, he appeared out of nowhere, with no convincing background or relation to other character, cooler than male main character squared despite just as flat in personality, stomp the heroines and stole their heart (and possibly body) with his uberwank machine"
"How do you NOT feel angry again? Oh wait, you create him"
Inami is nothing like you. He is not at all cool; in fact, he thinks cool is a temperature reading, and when he says "Oh, I just put on whatever old thing's lying around," he means "on the floor, where I threw it last night - but I turned the underwear inside out first." He may have sometimes thought that he was special, or destined for greater things, but probably dismissed the idea as a fantasy. He's got no emotional scars to speak of. And you've been sparing with the free handouts: whatever he gains, he's worked for.
In general, you've kept yourself a goodly distance from Inami and given him plenty of room - maybe a little too much. Don't distance yourself so far from Inami that you stop caring what happens to him.
I'll take it.
__________________
"You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album.
...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."
2013-01-15, 02:37
