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Old 2012-11-23, 23:25   Link #1
Arturia Polaris
Good OP Hunter
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Post Arturia's Writing Den

Welcome to Arturia's Writing Den!

I was notified that I had to put all my fanfiction work inside one thread and well, now I'm editing this.

For starters, let me introduce myself. I'm a 20 year old Argentine, studying Economics in an attempt to do my country (And world, in all honesty) as much good as possible. Someone has to do it. If you didn't notice from the world comment, I'm a romantic.

No, not in that way. I'm a romantic in the sense that I believe a better world IS definitely possible. You can always improve, in every way. The moment you decide you did enough is the moment you die. Never giving up is something that life (and anime) made me realize was never a possibility.

I love writing. It's my hidden passion. I find it a way to express myself and a way to be introduced to cultures I have not even heard of. I believe that ALL writing is worth something, even repercussions of evil.

Enough of me, onto my writing skills, I'll be blunt... I'm an amateur. And English isn't even my native language but that is not an excuse. I try to put as much work into what I like to call "pre-writing" which involves having everything already ticking in my head (at least partially), and since I'm writing fanfiction (for now) I try to stick as strongly as possible to the character's personalities, which I try to study before and while I'm writing.

I even got myself a gig writing for a software developer, you might hear from me in the gaming industry in a long time, who knows?

Anyways... Since I was forced to edit this, I'll make an index of my works as I post them here, but feel free to check out my fanfiction page: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1351859/

As I have said, I'm an aspiring author. That means that my writing is probably... no scratch that. It IS flawed. I want you people to tear me down if I make a mistake somewhere. Print it out, put it on an envelope and send it with a bomb to my house, well not that far, but I want to see what I'm doing wrong. If I'm never told where I missed, I'll never get it right.

Of course, feel free to say that you liked the stories as well, I'm not a masochist. (Just throwing this out there, in case someone is getting ideas) Feel free to say hi as well.

To those that have read this far, I ask that if you're going to review one of my works here, please add a title saying which chapter/work you're talking about, or at least make it clear which one you're talking about... it'll make things easier. Or just go to ff.net.

INDEX
Tari Tari
Past and Present: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3
As the Gentle Breeze Blows...
Little Busters!
Bird's Song: Chapter 1
Sword Art Online
Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin: Prologue

And now that we've gotten that out of the way, enjoy Tari Tari: Past and Present, chapter 1!

***

Tari Tari: “Past and Present”

Chapter 1: Extended Epilogue

Author's notes: This short story is going to attempt to add a bit more the ending of Tari Tari, which I loved. I loved it, but I wish I had more, as there was limitless potential in there. It'll also try to link the dots of what happened between Sawa and Taichi, as well as having the rest of the group in it, as Tari Tari isn't a romance anime, but a slice of life.

Without further wording, I hope you enjoy the story!


***

Sawa enjoyed the light breeze that came in from the opened window as she finished singing with the rest of the group on video. It still only felt like yesterday when she got here to the United States on her trip to become a Horse Jockey. She undid her twintails and let her hair loose, letting it dance with the coming breeze.

“Sawa, just so you know, Tanaka is as red as-”

“Quiet you!” As the man in question came in and grabbed Konatsu's mouth before she could finish.

Sawa let out a small laugh. She really did miss being there with everyone...

“Maybe I really should have gone back...” She sighed. Her father had actually told her to come back several times on the phone, she found that endearing, but she wouldn't come back empty handed. Living in the States was very hard, even if she was doing what she really wanted.

The video went on as they all took turns to send Sawa a personal message. First up was Wakana

“Sawa! I hope you're really doing well in the United States! We're taking care of Sabure making sure it doesn't feel alone!” A smile drew itself on Sawa, as Wakana kept talking “... And I finished writing a new song!”

She made a mental note to ask her about it later.

Wien's turn came, or rather he took a step forward.

“Okita-san, I went to see Sabure the other day with Taichi and it kicked me” He proudly showed the camera his arm where it had been evident he'd gotten a pretty bad blow. “It's fine anyways, It was fun.”

“Man I thought I had told them to stay away from Sabure's right leg...” Sawa looked out her window recalling the moment she-

“Sawa did tell us to not get near Sabure's right leg, didn't s-” Taichi suddenly turned around as though he had forgotten something.

“Wait, she did?” Konatsu chipped in “What, what? I never heard of this” She went around to face Taichi, who turned around yet again.

“Yeah, pay more attention... Airhead” He answered avoiding the petite's gaze

Sawa's mom was heard laughing. “Yeah, of course she'd laugh...” she thought

“Konatsu, anything to say to Sawa?”

“Yes! Sawa!” Konatsu came very close to the camera “I'm working together with your mom for the whole town to keep holding the Shirosai, despite... you know, what happened” Konatsu's eyes lost a bit of gleam, if only for a second “But you know, we're all going to university next year. So...” She looked around as if trying to remember what she had planned on saying. “Oh! We're taking care of Tanaka for you, don't worry!” Konatsu smiled mischievously and ran out of camera (or was forced out of camera by an infuriated Taichi, one or the other)

Sawa facepalmed. Was it that obvious?

“H-hey! Don't go assuming things!” Taichi was pushed in front of the camera by the two girls, as her mother laughed.

“So come on, what have you got to say to my daughter?” A slight menace in her voice. Of course, only Sawa knew what it meant.

Taichi scratched the back of his head as Sawa looked at the laptop screen with a tiny nervous smile, as Konatsu and Wakana kept laughing like small girls. Honestly, you'd think they are 10 years old.

“Hey... I just wanted to say... that we're really missing you here.” His face trying to keep straight. “We'll wait for you to come back, so don't come back empty handed!”

“But, you know, Tanaka; Sawa might come back with an american boyfriend” Her mother quipped. Sawa turned scarlet

“No, no, no.” Sawa waved her hands as though someone was watching her. “Definitely not happening”

Taichi simply looked flabbergasted for a second before quickly getting off camera as the rest of the group laughed. Sawa even laughed at Taichi's expression.

The camera then turned around to her dad.

“Sawa, you know... I may keep telling you to keep coming back, but it's only because” he looked away for a second “I really care about you. I only want the best for you”

An “Aww” was heard from Konatsu. She really was one to express herself.

The camera then turned to her mother, Seeing her actually made her feel a bit better. She was still very alone in a new land.

***

Sawa rummaged through the box that got to her home that morning. The first thing was of course the CD with the video they sent her but there were a lot more things. A stuffed horse doll which she found lovely with a letter pinned to the back.

“Sawa, I put this doll in your seat at the graduation. You were always with us. Konatsu

She could already picture the scene of the doll sitting in the graduation as a small tear came down her cheek. She didn't have to imagine much, because Konatsu had also sent her a picture of that moment. Sawa pinned the picture on the wall together with a bunch of other pictures, those she had taken to remember them all by.

She found a small CD case with a piece of paper written in it.

“Sawa, this is my song. Hope you like it”

Of course, she knew who had written it. She played it on her laptop, so she could listen to it as she went through the other things. A soft piano tune started playing... soothing and you could say that a bit romantic.

Wien had sent her a small notebook filled with horse articles on newspapers and horse pictures. They had all been cut and pasted by hand... With a smile she thanked him mentally. He had also sent her a letter.

“Okita-san, I made this with articles I cut from the same newspapers I kept taking articles from to send to Jan back in Austria. I actually got a letter from him, and I think I might be able to see him again. Hope you like it”

Sawa remembered how Wien had been heartbroken by the fact that Jan had moved, and felt sincerely happy for them to be able to find each other.

Her mother had sent her a few things she had forgotten or couldn't fit during the first trip, including her photo album from school. It was actually filled with pictures of the whole group, and stuff from the Shirosai she couldn't see yet.

Wakana's song playing in the background made the whole moment seem a bit more melancholic than it was, but Sawa liked that.

At the very bottom of the box, a badminton racquet with a small letter.

“I thought you could have something to remember me by as well...”

She grabbed the racquet smiling fondly, a tint of red on her cheeks. She wondered if Taichi had actually used this as it was pristine. She swang it around a bit and then noticed something etched on the handle.

“To Sawa”

Her heart actually skipped a beat, before a smile plastered on her face.

After she was done with tidying the place up, she pinned pictures of the group on the wall by her desk so they could be in plain view. Her mother had actually sent her a picture with Taichi circled in a heart, she quickly stuffed it at the very back of the drawer, vowing to get back at her. The badminton racquet now found a place next to her bed.

She looked at the time and realized that she had only five minutes left before her morning routine started, so she closed her laptop, quickly got changed, and got went on with renewed strength.

***

By the time she got back home, the sun was on it's last legs. She dropped her bag and let herself fall onto the bed. The bed bounced back and a case fell on her head.

“Ouch!”

A CD case... she had no idea where it had come from. Maybe it had fallen out of the box and she hadn't seen her that morning. It could have been that.

“To Sawa”

She grabbed the CD inside and played it.

Taichi's face appeared, a little flustered. She found that very cute, how he could get so flustered when put in the center of attention.

“H-hey, It's me”

Sawa rolled her eyes.

“If you're seeing this then you probably have seen the racquet I sent you... It's from the national tournament when you guys cheered me on...” He sighed “I thought you could have it, as it is my favorite racquet”

He tried to force a smile even though he was probably cracking from the nerves

“Just... take good care of it. I would have said it in the other video but Konatsu wouldn't have me hear the end of it”

Sawa laughed as it was probably true.

“I actually went to see Sabure the other day again, he's also missing you. But he'll manage, he's a tough one”

The video actually cut and another scene replaced it. She knew that scene well, the stables where Sabure was kept.

“Hey there, Sabure” Taichi's voice came

The horse looked up and made a small grunt

“Not in a good mood huh?” A hint of dissapointment in his voice “Smile for the camera, this is for Sawa”

The camera then panned around a bit and the camera slowed down for a second on the wall before coming back to the horse.

“So hey Sabure, remember when Sawa and I came by?”

Sawa choked on saliva. She prayed that her mother had not seen this video... chances were slim though, knowing her.

The video then cut back to Taichi staring at the camera at his house.

“Yeah, Sabure wasn't very happy to see me I guess. He's been a bit cranky lately, he even kicked Wien, but you know that already”

Sawa sighed. She knew why the horse would be a bit cranky, but nothing she could really do.

“I'm running out of time, so I'll say that I hope you're having fun in America... and that we're waiting for you back in Japan... All of us”

The video ended with Taichi giving her the first carefree smile he'd seen from him since she left. Sawa laid back on her chair and stared at the ceiling, sighing heavily. She tried to not think about Japan much, because she knew that if she started thinking she'd get sad at leaving them all behind... but she really couldn't go back now, nor did she want to.

“I'll go back some day anyways” She shook the uneasy feeling off, as she went back to the matter at hand.

Her mother had obviously seen the video, so that explained the picture with Taichi circled. “She's such a girl...”

Sawa planned on writing an e-mail to her mother telling her she got everything, but she'd beaten her to the punch.

“Sawa, I see that the package arrived today. Hope you had as much fun going through it as I did!”

She slammed her laptop shut. She was so going to kill her when she got her hands on her.

“She doesn't even try to hide it...” She laughed as she punched the air.

Opening her laptop again, Sawa wrote a quick response, asking how everyone was doing. Her mother answered immediately, she had not expected that.

“Everyone is doing fine, Konatsu keeps dropping by with Sakai. Your boyfriend came in a bunch of times already to check on Sabure. What the hell happened in there???”

Once again, she vowed she'd have revenge on her mother someday.

***

Author's Notes: Hope you guys enjoyed reading my first chapter! I really enjoyed writing this for a reason, and in fact, it's 3:30 AM, I've got college tomorrow and I'm not regretting writing this one bit.

Keep in mind that this is a short story, It'll be at most 3 chapters of about the same length.

To those of you from Animesuki, welcome! To those of you who come from other places, welcome as well!

Niker (AKA: Arturia Polaris)
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Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact

Last edited by Arturia Polaris; 2013-03-06 at 09:40.
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Old 2012-11-23, 23:45   Link #2
SweetHoney
~Nanchatte Renai
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Australia
Age: 20
This is seriously great! You do have a knack for writing for sure ^^ It'll be nice to read the rest when you write them
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Old 2012-11-24, 03:50   Link #3
Chandela
Straight Chillin
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Somewhere nice and quiet.
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I am not really big into fanfictions but I must say that this is a nice continuation from where Tari Tari had left off. It was easy to read and I could picture everything so clearly within my mind. Character personalities were spot on and the story has me wanting to read more.
For English not being your native tongue you did a nice job. I look forward to the next chapter, keep it up!
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Old 2012-11-24, 11:29   Link #4
ForwardUntoDawn
Operation "sneaky sneaks"
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Hic et ubique
Composition-wise, it comes across as carrying on the same spirit found in the original Tari Tari: in particular, the character personalities are well done, as previously mentioned. My curiosity particularly lies with Sawa and Taichi's interactions, and as such, I look forward to upcoming instalments as well.
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Old 2012-11-26, 16:39   Link #5
Arturia Polaris
Good OP Hunter
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Just a quick heads up. Fanfiction.net actually read my request to add a Tari Tari subsection, and I just published it! :

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8740323/1/Past-and-Present

You already read the first chapter, and 2nd chapter is on the way, but I found it interesting to share.

Arty
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Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2012-11-26, 17:48   Link #6
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
I don't know anything about the characters or the series but I found this a good read.

I felt like I got a good handle on the character personalities fairly quickly without it being too cliche.

The only critique I'd offer so far is that single sentence paragraphs can be a bit hard on people used to western literature stylings.
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Old 2012-11-28, 23:34   Link #7
Arturia Polaris
Good OP Hunter
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Chapter 2

Tari Tari: “Past and Present”

Chapter 2: “Before you go...”

Author's notes: We are now going back in time. A few days after Sawa announced that she was leaving Japan to try and become a horse jockey, a professional one.


-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Classes had been going on regardless of the huge construction already starting. 3rd years had to keep working hard if they intended to at least have a chance at university. Even Sawa, who wasn't going to enter university was hard at work. She had to try and learn English in record time and even though she wouldn't have to finish the curriculum nor go to school anymore, (she would be given enough points to graduate, despite leaving) she found herself going to school every day.

She just couldn't stop going, not these last few days. She had to make sure she would get as many memories as possible because in the coming future she wouldn't even be able to see them. All of them. Konatsu, Wakana, Wien, Taichi... the other classmates, the teachers... even her family. It was a lot to leave behind just for the sake of her dream. She doubted herself countless times, but she wasn't allowed to show that. Not when everyone else was so supportive.

The bell rang.

“Hey Sawa-”

At the call of her name, she turned around only to be poked in the cheek with a pen. With a small laugh Konatsu soon found her book being thrown at her.

“How old are you anyways!?” Sawa tried to erase the blue mark on her cheek but it wouldn't come off, no matter what she tried. “God, you even did it with a pen...” Sawa wailed. There was a reason she wanted to look absolutely perfect today of all days.

As students moved in and out of the class, Wien and Tanaka came over to where the three girls were talking. Sawa got nudged by Konatsu. She hissed back.

“Yeah, Wien and I got a few disciplinary pointers” Taichi scratched his head. Annoying tick of his... but kinda cute if you asked Sawa.

“So did those disciplinary pointers include doing THIS?!” Konatsu pointed at a notebook. Inside it were about 100 handwritten letters of apologies to be given out to the employees working in the new construction. “And I don't even remember that we bothered them. This is just that chairman being a jerk” She sighed as she closed her notebook.

Wakana opened up her notebook and showed about 50 posters (also hand-written). “I had to make these and I'll have to go around town posting them apologizing for the inconviniences... And they said they'd check to see if the handwriting is the same” She joined Konatsu in sighing.

“Well... at least it was worth it.” Wien chipped in. “I have a lot of things that I'll remember from that day, I'll tell my family about it of course”

“My sister really enjoyed it, she even filmed it and I have it all in my computer now... sadly” Taichi looked at Sawa for just a second longer than necessary.

“My brother said that he wouldn't come and see it, but of course he came. He's so silly, not wanting to show his love to his older sister” Konatsu went over dramatic on her voice as always, and her hands waving around also helped.

“Oh my dearest sister, I'm sorry for being so shy!” Sawa went along and played, just like she always did. As they hugged in an overly exagerated fashion.

Sawa then rocked her desk with her leg threw her notebook to the floor, opening on a small letter also handwritten.

Wakana was the only one who noticed the letter and started reading out loud.

“Dear Taichi, I'm sorr-”

Sawa shouted and immediately grabbed the notebook with a look screaming -I'll murder you- to Wakana who immediately went red and looked at Taichi who had not heard, and then back at the twintailed girl. Realization dawning on her.

Konatsu still had no idea what was going on. And that was probably for the better the little meddler would go around the world to have a hand in this. Sawa didn't want anyone to interfere.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Classes came to an end, and like every day the group of five walked out of school. Wakana had tried to talk to her privately but Sawa refused to give her any time. Her mind was set on how to do this, and-

“Hey Sawa, let's all go to your house”

“What!? No I have stuff to do”

“Konatsu, you shouldn't invite yourself to others' house like that...” Wakana always the voice of reason.

“Every time we go to Sawa's house we end up doing something crazy anyways...” Taichi let a comment slip, to which Sawa gave him a joking punch. “Ouch”

“Remember the Gambarider thing?”

“I sure had fun...” Wien lost himself in remembering.

“So? Come on, Sawa... for old time's sake”

“You make it sound like we're old” She retorted.

Everyone laughed at this. Sawa had initially refused but she thought that it'd be a good way to put her plan into motion. Maybe Konatsu could help her somehow.

“We should buy cake this time” Wien said remembering Sawa's mother bought cake last time.

“That was only because she needed us for something”

Before they knew it, the sky had turned orange and they had stopped walking, just talking about their time together.

“Is it really all going to end like this? All of us going separate ways?” Sawa was looking at the horizon while letting her hair loose.

“It really does seem like a dream. And how we ended up being like this” Taichi sat down on the guard-rail.

“So? Are we going to my house? We could do an all nighter” Sawa finally offered.

“I'm not sure about an all nighter, but I could go over for a little bit” Wien sadly commented.

“Oooh, it's going to be Taichi alone with three girls then?” Konatsu nudged Sawa, and Wakana joined in.

“D-Don't be stupid, I'll leave if I have to”

“Oh he wouldn't even hurt a fly” Wakana slyly commented. Very out of her usual self.

“Not without his badminton racquet not.”

The group set way for her house. She had told her parents, who didn't object. They wouldn't really object if it was the group that made her last year so memorable. Or at least part of the year.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Wien, as he had anticipated, had left pretty early. Taichi was about to leave but he was asked by Sawa's mother to stay a little longer.

The group had talked about everything there really was. A few emotional moments between the three girls in which Taichi wanted the earth to split up and eat him for being so out of place. He eventually got too uncomfortable and left for the stables. At least with Sabure he could share some silence.

Sawa and Konatsu. They had been friends for most of their time at school, and their relationship was that of life partners. Konatsu of course never really showed that she was a strong girl, but she actually was very composed. To see her literally on the verge of tears coming into Sawa's house for one of the last times was... touching.

Wakana of course also was on the cliff between crying and remaining composed, but seeing Sawa start crying before the other two got her.

The three were apologizing for everything they had done and not spending more time with each other before Sawa apologized for even wanting to leave and told the other two that she would try to come back as soon as possible, that she would work extremely hard so she could come back to Japan and spend more time with the rest of them.

It was a moment that Sawa wouldn't forget in a long time, as well as the other moments she lived with the group.

Eventually and after a while, Sawa bid her farewells to the two girls and watched the two go with a sad smile on her face. A single tear streamed down her face as she realized that these would be her last memories of the whole group...

Wait.

Realization hit her like a truck. Taichi was probably still with Sabure.

She rushed back into the house and skidded to a halt to ask her mother if she'd seen Taichi leave.

“Huh? Didn't he leave already?”

Sawa couldn't believe that he'd leave without saying goodbye to her... well, it's not like he couldn't, they didn't have any kind of relationship, but-

“God, stop thinking” she slapped herself and walked to the stables which were very quiet at night. Sabure was probably sleeping already, so she only took a peek.

“...”

She had to peek again to take in the image of what was going on. Taichi was leaning on the wall scratching Sabure's nose and the horse looked like it had warmed up to Taichi. Granted, it was a docile horse, but for it to like a boy...

“Hey, you're having fun there?” She tried to come up with the most casual of greetings. It might have come as forced but there was nothing she could do after she said it.

“Oh hey Sawa. I'm just talking to Sabure here. He's really nice today isn't he?”

“It's probably because it's in his house” Sawa went and scratched the horse's head, their arms might have touched a bit.

Taichi pulled back a bit red faced, Sawa didn't care. This was just the proof she needed. The proof she wanted.

An awkward silence settled. Sawa might have wanted that piece of proof, but she had no idea what to do with it. And her emotions were all over the place a few minutes ago with the girls, so she wasn't exactly in the best of mental states to come up with flirty answers.

And then the unexpected variable came into play. Taichi.

“Say, Sawa...” His eyes sparkled with... something she couldn't quite say “Don't you wish you could sometimes do things without regretting them?”

“W-What, you mean like going abroad to study?”

“Yeah, that's one way of putting it. But I wasn't really going that far.”

Sawa took a second before realizing what he was going to and her legs might have failed her a bit, so to make it seem natural, she slided down the wall all the way to the floor. Sighing, she answered

“Oh, plenty of times. Every day I go to school I regret not doing something, like not eating that piece of toast...”

“I'm not talking about that I'm-”

“Yes, I know what you're talking about”

Silence.

Sawa sighed. This was not going at all how she expected. Taichi had made her nervous and her whole plan had gone to hell. She stood up and looked at Taichi straight in the eye.

He closed the distance, and Sawa immediately tried to back away, but the wall stopped her.

She put out her arms to stop him while looking to the floor. She was acting irrationally. She knew that.

“I-”

He tried to talk but she put her finger in his lips to stop him from saying that.

“Don't make this any harder for me” Sawa pleaded, finally looking at him. “I'm having a hard time as it is trying to leave everyone behind... and this... would just make it harder.”

Taichi's eyes dropped. She knew that it was going to hurt... and to be honest she didn't like it one bit. But even though she didn't like it, it would be painful to say goodbye if something happened.

“So... I'll just take this as a way to remember you by”

Sawa lunged at his lips.

It was over before they both knew it, as Sawa backed away instantly, and rushed out saying “See you tomorrow!”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Author's Notes: Thanks for reading through chapter 2. Hope you enjoyed it and as always, remember to say hi in a review/comment and tell me what you liked, didn't like.

Arturia Polaris (EX: Niker)
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Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2012-11-30, 14:13   Link #8
Chandela
Straight Chillin
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Somewhere nice and quiet.
Send a message via Skype™ to Chandela
Good work finishing the second chapter. Other then a few small errors this chapter was nicely done.

As I have said before, you do a good job on keeping character interactions and personalities similar to the original work. It really helps when reading the story because it makes your fanfiction seem more and more plausible as it continues. (And by plausible I mean from a continuation stand point).

Although whether or not I enjoyed this chapter as much as the first I cannot say. However, I can definitely say I am intrigued by the story and that I look forward to the next chapter. Keep up the good work!
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Old 2012-11-30, 18:28   Link #9
Liddo-kun
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Join Date: Mar 2007
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Good work. This sure felt like continuation of where the anime left off.

Sabure only wants Sawa to take care of him?
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Old 2012-11-30, 18:37   Link #10
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
I'll just comment that you do an excellent job of explaining what is going on, who's talking to who, and so forth. You might spend a bit more time describing the environment surrounding them (things around them, weather, ambient light, etc.) to help the reader get a mental image of the scene.

I often find I'm short on one of the "what, who, where" triangle in any given chapter

Last edited by Vexx; 2012-11-30 at 21:35.
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Old 2012-11-30, 21:28   Link #11
SaintessHeart
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Thank you man, for reminding that I have a LN to continue writing. I am probably the most inconsistent author here.
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Old 2012-12-01, 02:08   Link #12
Arturia Polaris
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Post Little Busters!: "Bird's Song"

Hello there yet once again dear AnimeSuki. I decided to venture on Little Busters! Fanfic which I consider a taboo because I'm simply not at Jun Maeda's level, but I thought it'd be interesting to see if I could pull it off. Hope you enjoy it! My latest work!


Little Busters!: “Bird's song”

Chapter 1: Freedom

Author's Notes: Hi there! This is a short story attempting to explain a bit behind the attitude Kurugaya Yuiko takes during the whole series. It takes place the year before Little Busters! Actually happens, so the rest of the cast won't be here.

Not going to bother you too much since it's a short story, so go ahead and enjoy it!


-.-.-.-.-

Yuiko grabbed her bag as soon as the bell rang. She didn't have time for this, or rather she didn't want to have time. She hated school. Well, she didn't hate school, it was more like she hated the people in it. Granted, she wasn't the most lovable of persons, but school managed to tick her off somehow. Schoolwork was really easy. So easy in fact that she had enough spare time to go through the grounds doing nothing. That right there was what annoyed her.

Feeling free, but constricted at the same time. She was given freedom inside a cage. Was that freedom?

The sun set as she pondered this on her bed, still in her school uniform. Her family was wealthy, but they never could look at her due to the nature of their job. Being diplomats, her parents had to be on the move, and decided to leave her here for her own good. Or so they said. She couldn't complain, but she would have gone around the world meeting new people rather than feeling life go past her and not being able to do a single thing about it.

She got up from bed and looked around her room... Something... Anything to entertain her. She grabbed her kendo sword and swung it around a bit before throwing it, angrier at it's uselessness. She never even bothered to go join the Kendo club despite a month having gone by. It never really interested her, but her mother insisted on her joining a club.

Yuiko could get along with others just fine. That was never a problem. The problem was that she wasn't interested in having many relationships because she wouldn't share many things with the other girls. They would just stare in awe at her being so damn perfect at school and then talk behind her back.

She sighed heavily, and sat down on her desk, grabbed a pencil and started flipping it around. Figuring she might as well write a novel she wrote a few words but immediately laid that idea to rest.

“Is it me?”

The roof wouldn't answer of course, and as the sky turned darker orange she decided to go out for a walk.

Walking down the aisle she felt a few stares, even from the older girls. Was she that eccentric? She didn't believe so, she was just a normal bored girl.

She put her hands behind her head and continued walking down. Someone would have to talk to her at some point about something. She'd take that as a cue to then begi-

Thud

“Sorry, I didn't see you there!” A yell full of life and colour reached her, purple colour.

“Stop her! She's creating a commotion!” Another purple haired girl called out. Was it purple hair day and no one told her or something?

Intrigued, she asked the second purple haired girl about what happened only to find out that the first girl was some kind of ruffian that had been causing problems ever since she came to school.

She offered her condolescenses, and left.

And with that, her “eventful” day came to an end. The next day would be the same gray colour she became used to.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Yuiko opened up her bag and grabbed the sandwich she had bought before chaos erupted in the cafeteria. Apparently a couple of bullheaded kids were going at each other. She had her lunch and that's what mattered to her anyways. No one would go out of his/her way to buy her lunch anyways.

“Kurugaya-san”

Someone called out to her. It was actually a group of girls calling her over for something. Sighing, she got up and got over.

“Hey, Hey, Kurugaya-san... Do you think the kendo boy is good looking?”

She couldn't believe that she was called out for something as trivial as that. She also didn't want to get dragged into anything weird and avoided giving a direct answer.

“I don't really look into the boys” Nonchalantly, she turned back and sat on her bench as the rest of the girls were left stuttering.

A few “Tch's” were heard, but it was expected. It was also the truth. She never really looked at the boys. She was just not interested, the same way she was not interested in having friends.

At that moment a drooping figure entered the class. A purple haired girl came in and threw herself on a desk sighing heavily.

“I can't believe I got punished by that!” She said out loud, earning a few giggles from the other group of girls from which she ran from.

“What did you do this time?”

“I just sent a prank letter to a teacher saying that class was suspended!”

“Yeah, you'll get suspended that way!” A few laughs were heard.

Yuiko sighed as she tuned off.

-.-.-.-.-

Classes ended and she got up quickly again. She was about to leave but noticed that the purple haired girl was sleeping and drooling all over her desk. She poked her.

“Hey, classes are over. Get up”

The girl's face lit up.

“Oh really!? Thank god!” She stood up like a rocket. “Thank you so much! My name is Saigusa Haruka, but you can call me Haruchin, Haruchun, Haru-”

Yuiko was leaving.

“Hey wait!”

“Oh? Are you that interested in talking to me, girl?”

“Hey, I bumped into you the other day didn't I?”

She might as well humor her. She might have a bit of fun that way.

“You did, yes.”

“I'm so sorry! The student council was onto me! I swear if they catch me one more time they said they'd kick me out from school. It's only been a month!”

What did this girl think about her life? Nothing. At least Yuiko thought that. How could someone live while not thinking about consequences? Is that even possible? Before she knew it, the girl had followed her around talking to her all the way to her dorm.

Thinking it had been an interesting talk, Kurugaya Yuiko told her.

“Let's talk again some time”

Haruka's expression was that of glee, as she nodded and called her “Anego”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Back to the same image of every afternoon. Nothing to do. She kept replaying the conversation with this girl called Haruka. Living without thinking about consequences. That would be pretty interesting... No fears. And the girl looked quite happy, but then again most girls look happy doing what they like. If this Haruka liked to create chaos, then that'd be her game... but Yuiko was definitely not happy. Would trying another's philosophy make her a bit more happy?

Only one way to find out...

She went out of her room, kendo in hand. And walked decisively to the gym, once again under the stares of a few of her classmates and dormmates. She banged the doors of the gym open and shouted

“I want a match!”

The noise she created was so loud that it took a few seconds for the kendo club to compose itself. Kendo always took the afternoon period of the gym, and it was one of the most revered clubs in the school. The look of most of the students was of disbelief, as thought a madman had entered the room. It could be partially true as Yuiko was definately going to have fun, one way or another.

A petite girl sitting on the stands next to her told her that she was being rude to the kendo club, her answer? All part of the plan.

“Is no one willing to take on a girl with a kendo?” She asked abit more loud as the club was about to resume their practice.

“Listen, princess, we're a club and we're training. If you want to look at the kendo practice then feel free to sit on the stands”

“I never knew this club which is so revered in school would back down from a challenge”



Silence. Utter silence. Yuiko's plan worked, as the teacher in charge shouted something.

“Kengo! Get over here”

A boy that was in kendo clothes stopped and looked up.

“You're going to fight against this kid, Kurugaya-san”

It wasn't that surprising that the teacher knew who she was, more so when her grades were so high. It might be the only reason why she was being tolerated right now. Kurugaya was surprised when she realized that the so called “Kengo” was the boy that the other girls had been talking about earlier today, and recalled that they had said that he was in the club. Time to prove his worth then.

A few minutes of pointers and the match was almost ready to start. A small crowd had gathered on the stands now, but it was mostly the kendo members choosing to watch the fight.

It should be pretty even, as this kid should only have been playing with a kendo for a month. Not much more than me.

“START!”

Kurugaya never expected that Kengo was the rising star of the team, so she had to go all out. And even then it wasn't enough. But the instant the match ended in Kengo's favor the head of the club rushed over to her and pleaded... begged that she join.

She had to politely decline, because she was never interested in joining. She just wanted to pass time, and she did that alright. Going back home with a smile on her face for the first time since she got into school, a real smile, made her a bit happy inside. Maybe Haruka wasn't so wrong after all.

-.-.-.-.-

Yuiko was reading a small novel on her break, without leaving her classroom. Mathematics were not a problem to her, and not to be a bother to the other classmates who were actually studying she just chose to read. Kengo approached her.

“Kurugaya-san, if you don't mind me asking”

The class grew quiet. She knew what Kengo would want to know, it was obvious. But not to the rest of the class, who didn't even hear about her escapade yesterday.

“Sure, kendo boy. Ask away.”

“Where did you learn to use a kendo like that?”

Kurugaya smiled.

“I have a knack for learning things fast. I watched my father do a bit and I learned it”

Kengo's face was unreadable. He might have been exeriencing many things at once like awe, fear and envy, but nothing showed. He bowed.

“I'm very thankful for the match yesterday. It was enlightening”

“I thank you for the fun match”

Kurugaya went back to her novel.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Author's notes: This fic will be split into two chapters. It's not a romance fic. It's a fic trying to explain Anego's behaviour. It'll be way more clear to the VN players, and the people who stumble across this after Little Busters! Ended.

I hope you enjoyed it, chapter 2 will come soon!

Arturia Polaris (EX: Niker)
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My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2012-12-01, 22:36   Link #13
ForwardUntoDawn
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The characterisation is definitely the strongest point about your work: their interactions flows naturally together as it did in the anime and gives me an impression of watching them in my minds' eye.

Building upon Vexx's comments, ambience does wonders in accentuating the mood in a moment, especially with regards to lighting and weather. The lighting is also affected by the time of day, which in turn lends itself to strengthening a moment. With this in mind, descriptions of the environment do not have to permeate the entire work: the occasional mention in an establishing paragraph will do wonders.

I most certainly enjoyed reading this chapter and look forward to the next chapter
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Old 2012-12-04, 01:05   Link #14
Arturia Polaris
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Tari Tari: "Past and Present" Chapter 3

Tari Tari: “Past and Present”

Chapter 3: “Let's smile, and cry, and try to sing, and...”

Author's;Notes: I don't really have that much to say about this chapter other than I hope you'll like it. I'm getting lots of wonderful reviews about this work and I honestly didn't expect it to be so well recieved, what with Tari Tari not being the most popular show around... but I'm glad you like it.

Anyways, enjoy your chapter 3!


-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Sawa threw her phone in her bag. The last thing she needed was her mother constantly reminding her of what needed to be done. It rang again.

“Mom, I told you I know I hav- Yeah... Yeah. Ok, bye”

Sheesh, she really ticked her off sometimes. She felt a hand on her shoulder, offering what little help she needed. Konatsu was really there for her, even in the toughest of times. The night they all shared on Sawa's house was still fresh in their memories, even though it was two weeks ago and it was almost time for Sawa to leave... for good.

“Excuse me” Sawa opened the sliding door and was greeted by the afternoon atmosphere of the teacher's room, the orange tinted whiteboard bearing the several appointments for teachers... and a small note said “Okita Sawa, picking up everything”. A sad smile was on the face of the principal as he realized that Sawa was the first of the last graduates from this school to leave. Sawa bowed politely as she was handed two folders.

She exited the room bowing once again, and then exhaled like she'd never done before. Wakana, Wien and... Taichi were all waiting for both of them outside the room, all wearing sad faces. Wien, manly as ever was on the verge of tears as well.

This was the last day that Sawa was going to come to school. The rest had 1 month left on their semesters, but Sawa... Sawa was leaving. Both folders in her hands were proof of that. She would graduate with the rest of the group, the marks didn't really matter. Not to her anyways, and not to her parents and much less to her friends.

The group got out of school under utter silence, just their steps being heard. Was this sadness? Pity? Anger? Apathy? She turned around and looked at her school. She knew it by heart. She knew exactly how it would look at this time of day, she knew everything about it. It was her home.

A few tears came out. But not hers. The petite blonde sniffed and tried to conceal it, but everyone else felt the same way. No one would think less of Konatsu, not today. Sawa embraced the little girl, and everyone else did the same. A big group hug.

Taichi was across from Sawa, but both avoided each other's gaze. It was for the best really.

Sawa looked down. “Konatsu... I told you not to cry” unable to hold herself any longer. “I told you not to cry...”

Konatsu couldn't even make a coherent sound.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Sawa, do you need these shorts?”

“Mom, for the last time.” She dropped her bundle of shirts on the bed “I know what I'm doing!” She started stuffing things into her bag rather irritably. She remembered that she had left a pair of boots somewhere around here, but she couldn't for the love of Sabure find them. And they were her favorite boots as well.

“Mom! Have you seen my boots?” She eventually yelled down the hall

“I'm washing them! You might as well fly with them!”

“Thanks!” She called back. Her bags were done three days ago, but she kept taking things in and then putting them back in. She wanted to make sure that she had everything she needed when she made her way to the unknown... It wasn't really the unknown that scared her, but being alone. She'd always had someone to rely on, be it her mother, her father... even Sabure. Sabure had been a good friend to her. Say what you will, she loved that horse.

Sawa made her way outside and into the stables where Sabure was kept. It was quietly sleeping, a sight she was more than used to. She leaned on the wall and looked at the sleeping horse from afar, letting it sleep peacefully. Truth was that she was scared out of herself, and the only thing that could bring her back to some sort of peace was this.

“Sabure... I'm going to be riding other horses for a while...” She at the horse sleeping quietly “If you can hear me, tomorrow I will only be able to say a quick goodbye to you... I just wanted to say that you're the best horse a girl could ask for.” She sighed and made her way over to Sabure's fence. “I won't be seeing you for a while... I know that you are not good with the others, but please try to be good”

Sabure grunted, which made Sawa laugh.

“If you were listening you might as well have said it...” She looked to the side when something caught her eye. That was where Taichi was leaning. Soon her face went all red and her hands started shaking a bit as she recalled that day. A smile got on her face. “Who would have thought it'd end this way... everything”

Just a year ago she was entering school normally, thinking about getting better with Sabure, going to school, talking to Konatsu... maybe a do a few things here and there... Get a boyfriend... enroll in university. How off could she had been?

“Well it's not that off...” Remembering Taichi made her go all red, but since no one was really seeing her... “Say... I never really got to give him that letter...” Knowing herself, she wouldn't give him the letter personally. A letter is not meant to be given personally anyways, she told herself. She went back into her house thinking of how she could give-

She rushed back to her room and threw her bag aside once she grabbed the letter and a pencil. Running back to the stable, she had a great idea. She threw the letter under some hay and wrote Taichi on the wall, a small arrow pointing downward. Her mother wouldn't come in here often, and if her father came in he would honestly miss it unless he was looking for it specifically. Now... the problem was getting this letter to him. Or having him get it.

That would have to wait... she had enough time to ponder it in her sleep.

Which of course, she wouldn't be able to get. Her mind took it a priority to give Sawa a movie of her life, as it started replaying her life here in this town. She remembered how she met Konatsu, the little girl. She let out a small laugh. “Honestly...”

It was at night on the beach, Sawa was just 11 as she was going around in a bicicle coming back from a friend's house when she spotted a petite figure staring out into the sea. Konatsu was still wearing her school uniform and she was singing to the sea. Sawa laughed as she stopped and honestly rubbed her eyes. Getting down to the beach and approaching the girl, she realized that she also knew the song. Why not, she told herself, and started singing as well.

The girl was startled but kept singing. It was the start of her friendship.

Wakana... she'd only met her this year together with the rest, and Sawa knew that she wasn't a bad person at all. Just a little introverted... okay, maybe a bit too much. But she got along fine after a few weeks. I'll always remember the day Konatsu and I had to sing in front of an auditorium and Wakana helped us with the piano.

Wien, was a very good friend. Too bad she couldn't get to know him better. She was sure that he was a very good person as well, not only a good friend. She'd try to stay in contact with him.

Taichi. If Sawa didn't see something coming was a relationship like that this year. Granted, he is somewhat of a dork, but a lovable dork. She wasn't really expecting anything, to happen but it did. It was all in a rush and she didn't want it to be that way, but circumstances happened. She wouldn't regret it though, at least she hoped so.

Sabure... Would always be in her heart. Of course, it's not a final goodbye. She was doing this so she could be with Sabure forever. The little thing was so adorable when it was little and now if Sawa wasn't around he'd be a bit... cranky. Sabure developed some sort of crush on Sawa, as it grew to like her more than the rest of the family. Her friends had to be careful around Sabure because without Sawa he'd be a bit cranky on them. “I have to remember to warn them...”

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Sawa got off the cab after her mother. She saw two other cabs pull up behind them dropping the rest of the group. Surprisingly no one wore a sad face. All the sadness was already gone. Only smiles. It was kind of an anti-climax that everyone was smiling... but perhaps it was for the best.

Sawa wouldn't have been able to do it had everyone been sad. But everyone was happy. This was actually for her. They were just sad because they wouldn't see her for a while, but they were extremely happy because she was doing something that was calling for her. She had to do this for her future, and for them it was just the path she had chosen and they had to be with her at this time.

She had already done the check in and after they all had a small tea/coffee... it was finally time to say goodbye. Sawa was walking towards passport control when she halted... the moment had come.

She turned around. She hadn't halted because she wanted to. Konatsu had grabbed her clothing looking at the floor. She knew her well enough to know that her eyes were full of tears already...

“Sawaaa!” She cried and threw herself on Sawa who smiled apologetically as she stroked her hair. She looked up and saw Wakana wearing a smile but tears threatening to leave her as well. However she kept her distance. This moment was for the two of them alone.

“Take care, Sawa.” As strong a voice as a teary girl can do... but those words dripped honey. She really meant it. Sawa nodded and told her to take care as well. Wien was also on the verge of tears and looked to the duo of girls with a smile.

Taichi on the other hand was looking to the side, hands on his pockets, trying not to show weakness. Wakana walked over to Konatsu and told her it was time, as she placed a hand on her arm... saying that it was really time to let go.

The little girl was really a kid, but she loved her. She looked at Wakana and thanked her mentally before waving a few last words at her parents. She turned around and started walking a sad expression hidden from the rest of the group.

“Sawa!”

A manly voice called out to her. She tried to compose herself as much as possible before turning around slowly to face Taichi. He looked decisive... the same as that day.

“Sawa... I just wanted to say... That it was really fun knowing you... and that I'll wait for you to get back.” A hint of red showing up on his cheeks as she started saying this, he couldn't even look at her in the eye.

Sawa was sad. She knew that this was exactly why she didn't want anything to happen between them... as a bit of red came to her as she remembered the little memory she would treasure from him. But now wasn't the time to be sad. Not in this last moment they'd see each other for a while.

“It was really fun to know you... I'll just focus on my studies to be a jockey, so don't worry” She said with a smile.

Taichi's face just reflected his shock to hear this. She just hoped it was enough as she turned around and raised an arm, without looking, and started waving it, telling the group goodbye without looking at them. She honestly didn't want to look at them any more. Not with those sad faces. It'd be much easier to turn around and hug them all... but she was doing this for herself, and everyone was helping her achieve this.

Instead, she started humming the song that they had all created. She had really liked the song, and the rest of the group would be with her as long as she didn't forget them.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Author's;Notes: And this concludes my work! I hope that you enjoyed this little trip I took through Tari Tari. I really loved this anime, it was heartwarming... and in this age of cold hearts we can always use a bit more heartwarming moments.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who read this far, and I hope you'll stick with me through my other works!

Also, for extra impact, go and listen to the Tari Tari ending right now. It'll put a smile on your face.

Arturia Polaris
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My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2012-12-04, 01:20   Link #15
Vexx
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
I think you write really well - it'd be interesting to see what you could do with original fiction. Small warning: be sure and invent a story you really care about so you're just as interested as the reader in seeing what happens.
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Old 2012-12-04, 22:04   Link #16
ForwardUntoDawn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Arturia Polaris View Post
It was at night on the beach, Sawa was just 11 as she was going around in a bicicle coming back from a friend's house when she spotted a petite figure staring out into the sea. [/B]
I'll start with the negative, which I only note one of: bicycle is misspelled Now that my grammar-freak mode is done, I found the ending to be fitting of what was seen in the TV series. I see some scene descriptions were smoothly integrated into this one. All said, this was an immensely enjoyable read, and what I consider to be perhaps one of the more finely crafted fan fictions I've encountered. We live in an age dominated by efficiency and trying to get to a destination. Reading good stories is like taking the time off to enjoy the oft-overlooked things in our world, such as watching a lone cloud glide through an infinite azure sky or the dew-drops on a flower petal mirroring the last light of day.

Arturia Polaris, keep on writing!
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Old 2012-12-07, 00:52   Link #17
Arturia Polaris
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Tari Tari: "As the Gentle Breeze Blows..."

Tari Tari: “As the Gentle Breeze Blows...”

Author's;Notes: Once again I'm working on Tari Tari. I just find it has a lot of potential. This however, will be another short story. The story in a few words? Miyamoto Konatsu after. You can also read this after reading my other Tari Tari work, but that's just a suggestion. It can be read on it's own.

Enjoy!

-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-.-.-.-.

She had to run otherwise she'd be lat- well she was late anyways. Why was she always late to this!? She could hear her ragged breath as she was slowly getting exhausted. Why was the clubroom on the other side of the place everytime she realized she had to-

“Out of the way!”

Of course the girl walking through the hall had no time to even blink before the mini bulldozer crashed into her.

Before she knew it Konatsu somehow ended up with her legs propped up the wall and her back to the floor. Somehow she always ended up in this “L” shape.

“They should call me the acrobatic shrimp or something...” She muttered as she got up nursing her head and trying to get herself re-acquainted with the physical world, as she somehow went 4 dimentional on her crashes... and they were a lot of crashes

“Konatsu...” The ponytail bearer was also infected with the 4D capabilities of the petite blonde and was sprawled over the floor. “... really, warn me next time”

“Wakana!?” She got in a pose ready to defend against any incoming punches... as if Wakana would get revenge. However the girl simply got up.

“Let's head to the club, we're already late.”

The girl came back to reality and started running, forgetting even about Wakana who just stared dumbstruck at the rushing figure. She was pretty certain she heard her crash on the next floor against something as well. She sighed as she slowly made her way through the school. It's not like they'd be doing much other than wasting time...

In a few minutes she arrived to the door of the club she now shared with 3 others, for one of the last times she slid open the door.



“Yes! Tanaka just like that! It's perfect!”

“Shut up citrus head! Why do I have to do this anyways!?”

“Hey! Who's a citru- Whaaa” Konatsu noticed the door opening and moved her feet instinctively.

“Shrimp, stay still!”

“Miyamoto, stay still or you'll-” Wien was also dragged into this apparently, but it was to no avail as Konatsu collapsed and hit the bookshelf after the other two lost their footing, and thus went Konatsu's footing. The bookshelf was angry apparently and bounced back at the three who were sprawled all over the floor.

“Tanaka it's going to fall! DO SOMETHING!”

“Why did you have to do-” his retort was cut short by a huge thundering noise, and a matching cloud of dust exploded out of the room, hitting Wakana face on.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Honestly, even in these last days you have to give me problems...” The vice principal sighed as the group told her about the little problem they had. The bookshelf had collapsed on top of the three but no real harm was done, other than an explosion like a bomb going off during some exams at school and startling everyone. “It always is you...” She looked at Konatsu with a sad smile.

Of course, Konatsu had been behind the huge debacle last year, the one with the choir which got her out of it in the first place. Who was she to blame though? She got nervous... That's all. She had gone through a lot of special training and she now knew how to control her nerves. This year was just proof of that.

“Go, just stay out of trouble... and clean that place. I don't want to have the school demolished in anything other than prime condition...”

Wien and Wakana bowed, even though it wasn't their fault. Well at least not Wakana's. Taichi was about to bow, but he had a hint that...

“But we were jus-”

“Bow, you shrimp.” Taichi uttered as he got a hand on her head and forced her to bow, also doing it in the process.

“But- I-” Konatsu tried to resist the forced bowing, almost like a little girl.

“Bow!”

“...” She struggled all the way.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

“Tanaka!”

Once they were back in the club room, they had gone about their usual stuff, which at this point was resting because they were all knee deep on their futures. Wakana was studying music, Taichi had to cram for univeristy exams, Wien was... being Wien...

And what about her? Konatsu really didn't know what she'd do with her life. She had done this whole choir-badminton club thing so she could somehow escape the whole idea of her leaving this school and going to university. She didn't even know what she would study... and that made her a bit mad.

“What is it now, citrus head”

“Who's the citrus head!?” She grabbed her hair, sure it was a bit orange but...

“I'm trying to study here, so if you please...”

“...” She sulked and sat on her chair, saying nothing and grabbing her knees. After a while, she noticed that no one was going to ask her what was wrong.

“Why isn't anyone asking me what's wrong!?”

“Why would we?”

“Shut up, or I'll call Sawa” And with that, Taichi shut up.

“What's wrong Miyamoto?” Wien asked, he was drawing something on a piece of paper... a musical note.

“She's annoyed because she hasn't chosen a university yet” Taichi chipped in.

“That's it, I'm calling Saw-”

Taichi got up and tried to stop her from grabbing her phone.

“Miyamoto, don't worry about that... I don't even think I'll go on with university.”

The whole room quieted down, Taichi looked at Wien in utter surprise.

“You're really not going to university Wien?” Wakana was also in surprise. She remembered how Wien had no real plans a while back... it apparently had not changed. She had found plans however... “Then what are you going to do?”

Wien relaxed his pose and laid back on the chair, putting his arms on his head. “I don't know... my family wants me to go back to Austria for a while, think of things”

The room quieted down for a few seconds.

“But you'll find Jan surely!” Konatsu ever the optimist “Surely!”

“I hope so!” Wien immediately got up

“Let's both do our best, Wien! For the sake of the choir and sometimes badminton club!”

“Yes! Let's!” Wien and Konatsu made an overly exagerated pose and got a banner out of who knows where... Just another day... for one of the last times.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Konatsu found herself on the floor of her room, this time, her legs rested on the bed in a voluntary “L” shape. She rested her head on her huge fish doll as she always did when she had to think.

“Onee-chan” Her brother came in as always without knocking. Not that he had to knock, unlike herself. He threw a magazine at her and left.

“Hey!” She got up “At least say hi when you come in my room!” She had grabbed the arm of her little sibling who looked dumbstruck

“Huh?”

“You heard me! When you come in you say hi at least! Or I'll tell mom what's on your compu-”

“SHHHH”

“Mom!”

“OK OK!” He desperately bowed “I'll say hi from now on!”

Konatsu crossed her arms and started tapping her foot thinking the situation. When she thought it was enough pretend, she said that he'd better do it and left back to her room. Going back to her old position, she grabbed the magazine.

Bored, she looked at the designer clothes for this comi-

“...”

She threw her magazine and rushed out of the room and tackled her brother.

“What's your problem!?”

“You're a genius!”

“Huh!?”

She got off her brother and rushed off to her mother to tell her the news.

-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-

First day of college and she was all alone. She had no idea of what to expect, but that was for the best. After all, her style was not meditating things. She was thankful enough that she was not running late to the first class of all.

In fact, she had gotten there an hour early just in case. She was sitting on a bench drinking a small bottle of tea as a way to pass time. In fact she was extremely tired as she hadn't gotten any sleep last night, thinking of what she could wear, what she had to take there. Her brother had even come three times to her room to tell her to calm down as she was freaking out over what to wear, so to calm herself she put her headphones on and started singing... at 3:00 AM. Yeah, her brother wasn't really happy.

She double checked everything sitting on the bench, as though she could do anything about it if she had forgotten something, just to pass time. She was starting to miss Sawa, Wakana, Wien and even that stupid Tanaka. She had a lot of fun tho-

“Miyamoto-san?”

“Huh...?” Konatsu was fairly sure that someo- “Uwah!” She had heard someone. A brunette stood next to her looking very excited. “H-How can I help you?”

“Y-You probably don't know me, Miyamoto-san, but I went to school with you.” The girl looked like she was trying to force herself to speak. “I really liked what you did with the Shirosai”

The girl didn't really ring a bell, but Konatsu was more than happy to talk to someone. “Oh you were there? Tell me, tell me! What did you like about it?”

Before she knew it, they had gone over the entire opera she had played with her friends. This girl had really liked it and was really glad to talk to her in person, and as it turns out, they were both studying the same thing. The girl left after a while saying that she had to find a friend who was also enrolling with her into design school, and also for a cup of coffee as she was also a non-sleeper.

It was almost time for the first class so Konatsu found her way to the classroom, which was huge. She had space to sit down all alone and comfortable, and also get a great view of the class. She also spotted the other girl sitting on one of the front rows, looking at her and waving a small 'hi' at her.



She yawned. The class was interesting alright, but she was pretty tired. Thank god it had ended but she would have to get a cu-

“Miyamoto-san!” It was the girl from earlier, with her friend. “Have you picked a club yet?”

“Eh?” She had to fire up her brain once again “No, not yet...”

The girl was holding a piece of paper which she put in front of her. “How about this? Join us!”

Konatsu grabbed the paper... it read: 'Drama and Choir club'

She smiled as her time at school flashed back in a second, and a whole new start for her came into view.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Author's;Notes: And this is a small extra for Konatsu! Hope you enjoyed my view on what could have been a bit more content from her in the anime. Hope you enjoyed it! And if you did, drop by in the comments/reviews and say so!

Arturia Polaris
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Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2013-01-22, 12:40   Link #18
Arturia Polaris
Good OP Hunter
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
I just wanted to let everyone know that I've begun work on one light novel of my own creation! I even got a friend of mine to draw illustrations for the characters.

Expect a 30K work, and expect a slice of life

Arty
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Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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Old 2013-01-22, 15:00   Link #19
Vexx
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 57
Good luck. I'm still looking for an illustrator myself but no such luck so far using a passive mode to search.
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Old 2013-03-06, 09:33   Link #20
Arturia Polaris
Good OP Hunter
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Argentina
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

Prologue

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

May 2024

35th Floor – Miche


Meeting at dusk in a lost street of a town on one of the middle floors that is completely forgotten was never his style, but he had no choice. The Laughing Coffin put the terms of the meeting and you had to accept them or decline them, no negotiations. He was not regretting the choice he had made for getting revenge when he saw three players in black robes, faces covered by a shadow. These guys were serious. It had taken forever to track down the Laughing Coffin just for a small work like this, being a nobody in Aincrad.

He had to save up for a couple of months just to meet the fees the Coffin put forth when he contacted them. However it would all soon be worth it. He was finally going to get the revenge he wanted.

“Target.” A rusty voice broke the dark silence of midnight.

“...Wha-”

“Target.” The voice repeated itself. It's existence was something wrong in so many levels it made him twitch. The voice was croaky as though it was thirsting for blood.

“Right... target. Target is 'Laira'. She's on flo-”

A thud bounced off the walls... actually his body also bounced off the walls. When he realized that he was face up on the floor, a longsword piercing his heart, his HP bar ran out.

“It will be done” The voice ruptured the air waves one last time.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

May 2024

55th Floor – Grandum

Asuna held her head against the back of the seat. Although she had volunteered for the job, she found it extremely tiring. So much sadness was not what she needed to clear her head from the horrors of the frontlines. Heathcliff suggested that she take care of the bounties department in her off-time as a way to clear her head. Normally bounties would only be handled by the new players in the guild and all she did was listen to the serious issues.

This was serious, just last night there had been a murder on the 35th floor, and a killing of 5 people on floor 21, and there's reports of players spotting hooded figures walking to the teleport out of the area. Hoods would obviously point to an orange guild. Maybe a message to someone? But why would they kill someone if they want to send him a message? Maybe the message is to someone else?

“Vice Commander, what should we do?”

“For now, try to get the newspaper to comment on the events. We need to raise awareness about killings escalating. Also... tell them we're looking to find the ones responsable”

The guild member bowed and walked briskly out of the office.

She held her fingers together and brought up her friends list, just to check out where Kirito was walking right now. Apparently he was not walking, but sleeping. Of course, it was still early, but that slack sometimes annoyed her to no end. She remembered the events earlier that year when they had to solve the problem behind the “murders” on safe areas which ended with Kirito confront-

Before she knew it she was walking up and down the office.

Cloaks, hooded figures, moving in groups of 3... Everything points to the Laughing Coffin. She frowned. It was no hard evidence, it was all circumstancial, but she just had a hunch it might be spot on. Only they would just go around killing 4 players like that for fun.

She walked up to Heathcliff's office, he had to be informed of this event. He was always extremely worried about every player in the world. It was almost as though he was the father of them all. Asuna thought it was an excellent trait of leadership, being so paternal to everyone even those who he didn't meet or had no connection to. He treated every member of the guild with extreme trust and was a mentor to everyone. Maybe he would be able to bring some light to this problem.

“Oh, Vice Commander, what brings you here?” Heathcliff took his usual serious face after quickly turning off his menu display.

“Chief... we have a bit of a situation developing, it's not nice”

After explaining to him her thoughts on the matter, he sat with a frown on his face, as if deep in thought.

“Thank you for concerning yourself Vice Commander, I trust you on this matter.” He said, and with that he concluded the subject.

Asuna bowed and walked out, however he had one last message.

“Keep me posted on this matter, please” And with that, he opened his guild leader interface and went on with his work. Asuna bowed again and closed the door.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Asuna met up with two guildmates and gave them two specific commands. One was to follow a lead on one player they knew was from the Laughing Coffin and try to follow them. The other was to find out if anyone would have wanted those 4 poor players dead.

Results came in pretty soon as it was found out that those 4 players were just walking around and they were just preyed on for fun, and the one who died alone could have been a suicide for all she knew. Nothing there... She was totally stumped, and decided to drop the matter until results came from her other informant.

Except they didn't arrive. Not even the informant. Something was odd about this, no messages were answered either.

The next day came with grim news, as it was found out that there was 3 more deaths. A couple of players who were in love... and her informer was also gone.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Author's;Notes: This is the prologue to my new fanfiction. It's just a small tease of what's to come. Keep in mind it'll be a short story of at most 3 chapters (excluding the prologue) all about the crusade that was formed against the Laughing Coffin, the player killing guild of Aincrad. It is stated that the guild is destroyed in a massive battle with big casualties on both sides. My objective is to depict what the event was, according to my head.

The story is already planned out and it'll only be a matter of writing it out, which shouldn't take too long.

Arturia Polaris
__________________
Arturia's Writing Den

My fanfiction works include:

Tari Tari: Past and Present, As the Gentle Breeze Blows
Little Busters: Bird's Song
Sword Art Online: Vanquishing of the Laughing Coffin

My own works include: Social Fact
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