2013-03-27, 10:18 | Link #24 | |
♪~Deculture~♪ (✿◠‿◠)
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Various Pocket Dimensions
Age: 30
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I truly have no words for this.
Quote:
Saintess is just...y'know crazy.
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2013-03-27, 10:32 | Link #26 |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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A coincidence actually. When I ran through kanji dictionaries the names are ridiculously easy to craft and give an impact, unlike ShiniAne (my other LN), names are hard to build because of the required impacts on the story later on. In fact, all 3 names are made in less than 15 minutes.
Maybe it is fate? I don't know. @Flavory : Actually this oneshot gave me some motivation to continue my flowchart for ShiniAne. Sorry for making you like this, but your name is cute and so is your character. I promise I'll reuse this name properly in ShiniAne if I can think up of a filler.
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2013-03-27, 12:57 | Link #27 | |
♪~Deculture~♪ (✿◠‿◠)
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Various Pocket Dimensions
Age: 30
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Well I guess I'm glad it has given you some motivation to continue your other fic I do want to see where that goes. But this...this is...
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2013-03-27, 18:25 | Link #30 | ||
We're Back
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Redgrave City
Age: 35
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Quote:
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I'm convinced there would be tears and chest beating involve...
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2013-03-27, 18:40 | Link #31 | |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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Quote:
I'll put fanart-ing this on hold. ShiniAne has stalled for too long.
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2013-03-27, 21:14 | Link #34 |
Obey the Darkly Cute ...
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: On the whole, I'd rather be in Kyoto ...
Age: 66
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This was amusing. I thought the comedy aspects were played well. Some awkward sentences and dialog but nothing a few more edit passes wouldn't fix.
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2013-03-28, 03:12 | Link #39 |
一刀繚乱
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: アッバス
Age: 33
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Ignoring the characters aside, one thing I have to say is that this story really jumps straight into the action (or comedy). However, the substantial use of such an exchange of scenes is more befitting of a rapid-fire 4-koma. I do not see a decent actual introduction of the characters when they appear in this story, and this, to me is a huge negative because it does not explain a lot of things. For example, why are the kids over at Patchy's house? Why is Patchy in charge of taking care of them? Why would Kuugen, a 7 year old, be able to push Patchy, who I assum is in her teens, considering that she has to head to her own room to change and also ends up as the caretaker (the cooking stoves in a house are relatively tall for children to prevent them from playing with the fire)? I have issues about the title as well, but I'll leave that for further chapters before I can comment on it. As a reader, I feel like I've been shafted through a random gist of scenes in the house over characters I can't imagine who they are like. Even if you tell me they are forum members, one thing I like to do as a reader is to know the appearances of the people and play through the scenes in my mind. The main defining characteristics of the characters are already set in stone. At this point, I feel that this setting should be around the 1st-2nd chapter of the story, after the Prologue, because of a lack of smooth entry feeling.
Alright, I admit, since you have the craziness to do this, I might as well be crazy enough to critique it. Right, anyone still wants me to critique?
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Tags |
based on true events, cute puppy love, shoujo, trap-shota, tsundere x kuudere |
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