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Old 2013-03-28, 03:37   Link #41
Sleep_ping
The Restless FTL
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ellinia
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seitsuki View Post
......it's not what.. you don't.. I'm not really..

I'll never get married now! /runs crying into sunset
Come back once you're done crying! We still need you to be the supervisor for the Mahouka series!

Last edited by Sleep_ping; 2013-03-28 at 03:55.
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Old 2013-03-28, 05:17   Link #42
RRW
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Join Date: May 2010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sumeragi View Post
I'll abstain from reading this, for the time being. I need all the blood I can save.
ask random anime shonen hero to shere their blood. they have at least 12 gallons of blood
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Old 2013-03-28, 05:29   Link #43
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seitsuki View Post
......it's not what.. you don't.. I'm not really..

I'll never get married now! /runs crying into sunset
I don't know what you're complaining about, Patchy is a good girl to be paired up with.

You should count yourself lucky

Quote:
Originally Posted by RRW View Post
ask random anime shonen hero to shere their blood. they have at least 12 gallons of blood
*Smack RRW on the head with a 2x4*
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Old 2013-03-28, 08:03   Link #44
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
Ignoring the characters aside, one thing I have to say is that this story really jumps straight into the action (or comedy). However, the substantial use of such an exchange of scenes is more befitting of a rapid-fire 4-koma. I do not see a decent actual introduction of the characters when they appear in this story, and this, to me is a huge negative because it does not explain a lot of things. For example, why are the kids over at Patchy's house? Why is Patchy in charge of taking care of them? Why would Kuugen, a 7 year old, be able to push Patchy, who I assum is in her teens, considering that she has to head to her own room to change and also ends up as the caretaker (the cooking stoves in a house are relatively tall for children to prevent them from playing with the fire)? I have issues about the title as well, but I'll leave that for further chapters before I can comment on it. As a reader, I feel like I've been shafted through a random gist of scenes in the house over characters I can't imagine who they are like. Even if you tell me they are forum members, one thing I like to do as a reader is to know the appearances of the people and play through the scenes in my mind. The main defining characteristics of the characters are already set in stone. At this point, I feel that this setting should be around the 1st-2nd chapter of the story, after the Prologue, because of a lack of smooth entry feeling.

Alright, I admit, since you have the craziness to do this, I might as well be crazy enough to critique it. Right, anyone still wants me to critique?
This is a random short which I chunked together within 2 hours after some indirect egging from Chaos - it didn't flow very well because I was concentrating on the silliness of it.

#1 : They are all of the same age.
#2 : I was thinking that children in Japan, being incredibly independent, are already cooking for themselves at the age of 7.
#3 : Patchy is supposed to be the most mentally mature of the 3.

NSFW
Not for Sume-nee + For Seitsuki & Patchy ONLY
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2013-03-28, 08:04   Link #45
RRW
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...you have fallen this far...
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Old 2013-03-28, 08:23   Link #46
Ridwan
Got A Bad Desire
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: قلوب المؤمنين
He has for long.
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Old 2013-03-28, 09:17   Link #47
FlavoryFantasy
┬──┬╯︵ /(.□. \)
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
NSFW
Not for Sume-nee + For Seitsuki & Patchy ONLY
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
Those lines, didn't I just...oh god. You make me want to almost pursue my old goal of selfcest once more. Curse you.

Haha...here I just got over the shock of this thread, and thought it'd be possible to respond more calmly. Looks like it's a negative.

Wait. Chaos indirectly egged you? It's indirectly his fault? =_=
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Old 2013-03-28, 09:25   Link #48
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
I didn't do anything.
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Old 2013-03-28, 09:52   Link #49
Sleep_ping
The Restless FTL
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ellinia
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
This is a random short which I chunked together within 2 hours after some indirect egging from Chaos - it didn't flow very well because I was concentrating on the silliness of it.

#1 : They are all of the same age.
#2 : I was thinking that children in Japan, being incredibly independent, are already cooking for themselves at the age of 7.
#3 : Patchy is supposed to be the most mentally mature of the 3.

NSFW
Not for Sume-nee + For Seitsuki & Patchy ONLY
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?
1. Then what's there to look at a 7 year old girl?
2. You watch too much anime here
3. Girls are supposed to be more mentally mature than guys at that age, I'll give you that.

Regarding the picture:

I beg of you. Just stick to one forbidden fruit before we work it down to zero somehow. I'll translate Papakiki if you can do that.

And speaking of Patchy, I might have to go another avatar and banner request.
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Old 2013-03-28, 09:56   Link #50
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
1. Then what's there to look at a 7 year old girl?
Saintess live on a different Island than us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
2. You watch too much anime here
Or not enough!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
I beg of you. Just stick to one forbidden fruit before we work it down to zero somehow. I'll translate Papakiki if you can do that.
MUST. STOP. THIS. FROM. HAPPENING!!!
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Old 2013-03-28, 20:00   Link #51
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
1. Then what's there to look at a 7 year old girl?
2. You watch too much anime here
3. Girls are supposed to be more mentally mature than guys at that age, I'll give you that.
1. You have no taste and stamps all over your eyes. Ever watched Ro-Kyu-Bu?

2. I am not sure about this right here. In fact I have watched a Japanese "reality TV" show once where it showcases children making meals for their parents or doing housework when their parents are not around - think it was shown on CH8 5-6 years ago; the kids are 7-10 years old.

3. Glad we agree on something before you become a character in the next chapter.

Quote:
Regarding the picture:

I beg of you. Just stick to one forbidden fruit before we work it down to zero somehow. I'll translate Papakiki if you can do that.

And speaking of Patchy, I might have to go another avatar and banner request.
Papakiki is written in a rather simple way, unlike Oreimo and GundamUni. I would rather you translate the Neptune LNs (which are pretty rare).
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2013-03-28, 20:04   Link #52
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post

2. I am not sure about this right here. In fact I have watched a Japanese "reality TV" show once where it showcases children making meals for their parents or doing housework when their parents are not around - think it was shown on CH8 5-6 years ago; the kids are 7-10 years old.

Please, we're Oriental Asians- Our parents can convince us to do anything at that age.
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Old 2013-03-28, 20:19   Link #53
FlavoryFantasy
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: At one of the greatest libraries in existence
Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen View Post
Please, we're Oriental Asians- Our parents can convince us to do anything at that age.
It's so true it almost pains me thinking back to those moments of my life.
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Old 2013-03-28, 20:19   Link #54
SaintessHeart
Ehh? EEEEHHHHHH?
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen View Post
Saintess live on a different Island than us.
I take it that you have never help out at grocery shopping before. Don't you know that when you buy fruits, you buy unripe ones or semi-ripe ones so it doesn't over-ripen and become smushy?

Same concept here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen View Post
Please, we're Oriental Asians- Our parents can convince us to do anything at that age.
Mine convinced me with a stick of bamboo. Though nothing to do with cooking - other housework? Yes.

I think that the Japanese are probably more independent than us at that age. So I simply just lopped in that Patchy was the idealistic loli cooking meals for her sick friend.
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2013-03-28, 20:28   Link #55
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by FlavoryFantasy View Post
It's so true it almost pains me thinking back to those moments of my life.
It's for your own good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I take it that you have never help out at grocery shopping before. Don't you know that when you buy fruits, you buy unripe ones or semi-ripe ones so it doesn't over-ripen and become smushy?

Same concept here.
You have got to be kidding me =_=


Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Mine convinced me with a stick of bamboo. Though nothing to do with cooking - other housework? Yes.

I think that the Japanese are probably more independent than us at that age. So I simply just lopped in that Patchy was the idealistic loli cooking meals for her sick friend.
My mom convinced me that if I ran away from her caning I would only get it worse.
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Old 2013-03-28, 21:20   Link #56
Ridwan
Got A Bad Desire
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: قلوب المؤمنين
I don't get Chinese parenting. And the entirety of older generation of Chinese Indonesians tend to hate me for corrupting their children.
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Old 2013-03-28, 22:52   Link #57
Sleep_ping
The Restless FTL
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Ellinia
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
1. You have no taste and stamps all over your eyes. Ever watched Ro-Kyu-Bu?

2. I am not sure about this right here. In fact I have watched a Japanese "reality TV" show once where it showcases children making meals for their parents or doing housework when their parents are not around - think it was shown on CH8 5-6 years ago; the kids are 7-10 years old.

3. Glad we agree on something before you become a character in the next chapter.



Papakiki is written in a rather simple way, unlike Oreimo and GundamUni. I would rather you translate the Neptune LNs (which are pretty rare).
1. Those girls are like 11-12, not 7...I can give you an example of a LN 9-year-old girl here...

2. The media can be a powerful piece of 'propaganda' you know. More and more people are going the 'house servant' route here because they have no time to tidy the house. (And if it's preparing food, I don't think people at that age will be preparing something with fire). 1 family doesn't decide a nation's habits.
3. Yeah, and next thing you know, you'll put me as a 14 year old boy wondering why he has to share earpieces with a girl at a distance of 30cm away from each other

If I can find the Neptune stories in the first place...and I'm offering papakiki so that you can just stick to one forbidden fetish...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chaos2Frozen View Post
Please, we're Oriental Asians- Our parents can convince us to do anything at that age.
Yeah, and I had to go through drama class and wushu at that age.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FlavoryFantasy View Post
It's so true it almost pains me thinking back to those moments of my life.
At least you weren't forced by your mom to cook because she'll blow the house up or something or forced by your older sister to drink salt water for breakfast or forced to eat 1/67th of a cup ramen...I hope.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I take it that you have never help out at grocery shopping before. Don't you know that when you buy fruits, you buy unripe ones or semi-ripe ones so it doesn't over-ripen and become smushy?

Same concept here.
It depends on whether you want to store it or you want to use it for making stuff like desserts immediately.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ridwan View Post
I don't get Chinese parenting. And the entirety of older generation of Chinese Indonesians tend to hate me for corrupting their children.
Corrupting people with anime, darkening the world one person at a time.

...Speaking of which, I have my own fanfiction ready. Just waiting for AFD.

Last edited by Sleep_ping; 2013-03-28 at 23:13.
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Old 2013-03-28, 23:15   Link #58
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
It's so cool when other people think of us as the Spartans of the children world...
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Old 2013-03-28, 23:20   Link #59
FlavoryFantasy
┬──┬╯︵ /(.□. \)
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: At one of the greatest libraries in existence
Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teh_Ping View Post
At least you weren't forced by your mom to cook because she'll blow the house up or something or forced by your older sister to drink salt water for breakfast or forced to eat 1/67th of a cup ramen...I hope.
That sounds horrifying. Thank god I learned how to cook of my own free will.

Err we should stop misusing Saintess's thread like this no?
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Old 2013-03-28, 23:24   Link #60
Chaos2Frozen
The Evil Within
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Drangelic, or by a different name...
Age: 25
We're giving him pointers.
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