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Old 2013-03-31, 10:46   Link #41101
demino_hellsin
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I think I see where your issues with Ichika lies

Well overall the construction and reasoning seems good. I suppose some editing from the darklords is all you need

My interpretation of the newtype like scene is very vanilla. Just one of those no brainers for heroes.
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Old 2013-03-31, 10:50   Link #41102
StratoSpear
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Thank you ^^

It's meant to emphasize that his five-year absence was more than just a mere "Training to be a powered armor pilot" period. It didn't help that the two actually kissed, as in not accidental, a deliberate romantic kiss, prior to her first days studying in the Academy.
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Old 2013-03-31, 17:06   Link #41103
ZeroXSEED
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I almost lost my own sight on why the hell I even bother to pair Charles with Laura, while he's infinitely better with, say, Lingyin (2.5 chapters worth of screentime and character interaction, I swear I didn't plan that two years ago).

Then I reread the older chapters... the crush is just a crush, not something like a LUV U 4EVER 2DED. Charles' own sympathy for the child soldier is twisted by his guilt, and he saw that Laura is just as lonely as he is... as the result, the love is shallow and forced... because it's not that kind of love, at least, not yet.

The snippet shown Charles' own realization on this fact (Blitz will surely make it more comprehensible) and decided to start from the ground up.
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Old 2013-03-31, 17:50   Link #41104
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StratoSpear View Post
Thank you ^^

It's meant to emphasize that his five-year absence was more than just a mere "Training to be a powered armor pilot" period. It didn't help that the two actually kissed, as in not accidental, a deliberate romantic kiss, prior to her first days studying in the Academy.
Looks to me that there's a whole lot of conflict developing, considering what you've been posting here.

Nor is this from my end. Although, I did post this earlier, but I took it down because I wasn't quite happy with how it turned out.

Spoiler for New Testing Grounds (Edit):


Any thoughts, guys?
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Old 2013-03-31, 17:55   Link #41105
blitz1/2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I almost lost my own sight on why the hell I even bother to pair Charles with Laura, while he's infinitely better with, say, Lingyin (2.5 chapters worth of screentime and character interaction, I swear I didn't plan that two years ago).

Then I reread the older chapters... the crush is just a crush, not something like a LUV U 4EVER 2DED. Charles' own sympathy for the child soldier is twisted by his guilt, and he saw that Laura is just as lonely as he is... as the result, the love is shallow and forced... because it's not that kind of love, at least, not yet.

The snippet shown Charles' own realization on this fact (Blitz will surely make it more comprehensible) and decided to start from the ground up.
I thought we didn't really have a plan with Charles lol. (we were earning lots of flak when we made Charles a male though.xD) And then, we just paired them Charles and Laura together because in a way, they are opposite in character. Laura doesn't hide behind a fecade, she's straight forward. Whereas you can say that Charles always had that mask on, hence why we explain through Charles' monologues.

@Dark: It's a bit too short for me to judge.
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Old 2013-03-31, 18:31   Link #41106
ZeroXSEED
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Thumbs up

Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkJak2050 View Post
Looks to me that there's a whole lot of conflict developing, considering what you've been posting here.

Nor is this from my end. Although, I did post this earlier, but I took it down because I wasn't quite happy with how it turned out.

Spoiler for New Testing Grounds (Edit):


Any thoughts, guys?
YAY, hallmark of ultimate perspective flip.

Imagine they're found by some random girls who IS completely innocent, contrary to what they knew and think about the opposite gender... (which understandable, screwed backstory and all). It's either horror or hilarity depending on circumstances.

I'm going to borrow demi's words (not important now but just in case) balance is important, but avoid mix and match, otherwise it's good.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
I thought we didn't really have a plan with Charles lol. (we were earning lots of flak when we made Charles a male though.xD) And then, we just paired them Charles and Laura together because in a way, they are opposite in character.
I remember that, we made this with assumption of their LATER interaction in canon, start from V3 and beyond. We never plan how we handle it when things go south during fanon version of V2's run, hence I didn't see that coming.

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Laura doesn't hide behind a fecade, she's straight forward. Whereas you can say that Charles always had that mask on, hence why we explain through Charles' monologues.
This

We WILL use this in conjunction of the earlier draft, everyone in ST is contradictory and hypocritical to some extent, that's part of their alternate characterization. Laura is honest and straightforward but as stubborn as a rock, while Charles is kindhearted but also impurely deceptive, Ichika is a paragon gone wrong in the right ways, Chifuyu and her usual self etc
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Old 2013-03-31, 23:43   Link #41107
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkJak2050 View Post
Looks to me that there's a whole lot of conflict developing, considering what you've been posting here.
In a manner of speaking, Athena isn't entirely a mech-on-mech slugfest like it used to be.

Quote:
Spoiler for New Testing Grounds (Edit):


Any thoughts, guys?
Seems one of the guys appears to have a history to share. Granted, he has no idea what kind of girls to expect from a place such as the Academy but I suppose it is understandable to have a recoiling reaction.

Any idea where Mondo Grosso is held? If not stated, would it be too far-fetched to assume that the Academy has a special arena to host it?
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Old 2013-04-01, 00:28   Link #41108
ZeroXSEED
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Nope

Fanon seems to say Italy, based on the language used, which is possible. Italy is apparently a major player in I.S. development and combat, mentioned few times in the novel.
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Old 2013-04-01, 01:10   Link #41109
StratoSpear
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Ah... That clears it up. Also, another liberty to take.

Spoiler for Fantom Falken:
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Old 2013-04-01, 02:01   Link #41110
ZeroXSEED
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Spoiler:



BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
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Old 2013-04-01, 04:26   Link #41111
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
YAY, hallmark of ultimate perspective flip.

Imagine they're found by some random girls who IS completely innocent, contrary to what they knew and think about the opposite gender... (which understandable, screwed backstory and all). It's either horror or hilarity depending on circumstances.

I'm going to borrow demi's words (not important now but just in case) balance is important, but avoid mix and match, otherwise it's good.
And what exactly do you mean by that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StratoSpear View Post
Seems one of the guys appears to have a history to share. Granted, he has no idea what kind of girls to expect from a place such as the Academy but I suppose it is understandable to have a recoiling reaction.
Exactly.

Now I have another scene that I want to post and it's set long after the one you guys just read. But at another time, seeing that no one's on and it's late...

Here's a hint; it's set shortly after Eric passed out during his solo training. His solo training where Ichika, Tatenashi, Utsuho and Kaoruko were watching from the shadows.

In other words, it's set after this scene I posted a while ago.

Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2013-04-01 at 04:40.
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Old 2013-04-01, 04:40   Link #41112
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkJak2050 View Post
And what exactly do you mean by that
Basically, avoid an ambivalent mood, avoid putting comedy when the situation is serious and vice versa, don't make something funny bland and drip with conflict.

Of course, there are ways to mix and match just right. Since the boys are serious most of the time, they still react seriously to something silly. This is comedy gold. Vice versa are not exactly in-character for them, by that, I meant black comedy. They are soldiers, not joker-lite, though spouting funny one liners occasionally will be good.

There's also transition: you CAN theoretically put humorous scene before a moody, dark scene and vice versa, just don't do it OFTEN.

Show me a lighthearted draft, and I'll judge.
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Old 2013-04-01, 04:42   Link #41113
DarkJak2050
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Made an edit in my last post, man.
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Old 2013-04-01, 04:52   Link #41114
ZeroXSEED
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> Teamwork

Nitpicking, without Ichika, the main circle of I.S. pilot are highly individual people, they all have problem an act like they got the worst life ever. This translates to bad teamwork.

Ichika doesn't always solve their problem, true, but he provide just enough distraction for them to put down their stress aside or vent it on him. Poor guy doesn't get enough credit.

Putting this rambling aside, the canon cast could learn a thing or two from the boys, and the first and foremost is to avoid internal conflict in the circle itself. See? A good plot.
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Old 2013-04-01, 06:13   Link #41115
demino_hellsin
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Why is it when I compare my characterizations of the girls versus the canon version. I find myself skewing too far?

Example: Houki would train Aries Layfare, because he is honest about wanting to get stronger. And she somewhat relates.

When she says she'll train Ichika. She feels more like a shackle than a help. Because she just wants to mold Ichika to what she wants him to be. Instead of training him to win, she trains him to be her ideal. Then she expects him to be the best.

The difference is vile. I'm not even sure if I'm changing them for the better or not. I know it's extreme, but thinking about the reality of it all, kind of made me physically ill.
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Old 2013-04-01, 07:26   Link #41116
ZeroXSEED
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I dunno, what I did in ST is throwing a wrench on someone's face and see if it works. The characterization of Lingyin is especially I'm proud of. OTOH I felt I made Ran too weak, but then again, she's just average fangirl, and I've planned a character breakdown + development arc for her already. The only complain so far? Charles being a guy, and if some PM is to be believed, his characterization is good enough and quite sympathetic, if angsty. (then again, everyone in V2 fanon arc is emo)

And of course, three review and four PM worth of "Need to fix your grammar LOL" which is legit, but overdone.

----

On the real character development, Ichika is her only source of attention by that point, and Tabane is unreliable source when it comes to emotional comfort. If Houki can accept that there's no way Ichika could be her only possession, for that would be an insult to his veyr existence and their bond. She COULD date him, marry him even, but Ichika is not her alone. At the very least, everyone else is friendzoned.

V4 basically a big dumb anticlimax which serves nothing close to proper development (I felt the character interaction is top notch but still), it would be fine IF Houki is less possessive after being allowed t be with her parents again, but then again, V5 is utter trainwreck for me.
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Old 2013-04-01, 07:47   Link #41117
demino_hellsin
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So basically she should eventually stop treating Ichika as an object?

The way I wanted to handle Houki was really far removed from the novel. Despite the fact that I'm sticking to her archetype. I wanted her to be cool, volatile but insanely fixated with Ichika. She only helps Aries, again because he has one thing in common with her, the want to be strong. I feel that I'm not sure if it's bad that I somehow made it so she cares more than just Ichika. I mean she's still obssessed with him but she actually cares about other things too. In the novel, she's willing to throw everything away even morals and ethics just to live her ideal version of him. I can't grasp if the most basic concept of her shifted too far away, or should I just take artistic license and roll with it?

I know you just related your experience with this but in your opinion, am I going in an acceptable direction? Am I straying too far from source material? I feel like I'm overthinking this but it's really bugging me now.
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Old 2013-04-01, 08:19   Link #41118
ZeroXSEED
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As long as Houki not going IchikaThisIchikaThat or GaryStuOhGaryStu anything will work just fine.

Her violence is PART of her flaw in the story, need to be explicitly fixed, ONSCREEN, not handwaved away. Anything else is liberal take because that's the only characterization that's spot on immediately, and important to the canon stations (assuming you did take it).

As for training Aries, there's little problem if it handled well, and from the concept you're pretty sound so I think it'll work. Just don't make it too smooth, again, because Houki need development before she could be a good mentor.
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Old 2013-04-01, 08:29   Link #41119
demino_hellsin
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The reason I hit that snag of characterization is how she would train Aries. She isn't really methodical. She's an idiot so to speak. I was torn whether she should be more level headed about everything because she's not dealing with Ichika.

Still trying to fix how Aries gets her help. But mostly it's because of a confrontation.

EDIT: finally got some fourzexIS out of my system. Time to work on cake eater. Needs moar feedback on Kyokugen so I can finalize Chifuyu's personal IS.

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=41017

Last edited by demino_hellsin; 2013-04-01 at 11:58.
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Old 2013-04-01, 19:29   Link #41120
DarkJak2050
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Got a new crossover.

Cosmic-and-Stratos (Kamen Rider)
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