|2013-05-07, 19:18||Link #321|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
Anyway, I want to see more Kyouko. In the canon story, Madoka doesn't really interact with Kyouko outside ep 9 and (for whatever reason) one brief moment in 12. I'm going with Code Fantasma.
|2013-05-07, 20:34||Link #322|
Well, I have a special announcement to make, concerning where this story will go next (barring objections, though I suspect that Dr. Casey and Kogetsu will like where I'm going next ). Of course, that place is picking up a narrative that is over a year old, so some re-reading of older material might be in order (hence I link to the last installment of it in the announcement below).
Before I get to that, big thanks to winhlp32 for providing the promotional "movie poster" for this announcement! You can see that wonderful piece of work near the end of this post, and I'd love to get everyone's take on it, as I think winhlp32 deserves a lot of credit for this gorgeous piece of art.
Now, please listen to this song, as you read the following announcement.
Imagine this. Imagine if Madoka Magica was an explosive action-packed Hollywood blockbuster! Imagine if Madoka had someone to play General Zod to her Superman. Imagine if Sayaka had someone to play The Joker to her Batman. And Emperor Jinnai is the perfect answer here, for "The Laughing General" describes him well.
PPPL is mostly concerned with romance of course, but for now, I give you all a rarer treat than even that. I give you Madoka Magica Hollywood-ized. I give you the continuation of a storyline called "Homura/Sayaka Alliance", but I will rename the remainder of it. That renaming I will share with you shortly. But first, a recap.
After the death of Mami, Madoka takes special care to clear up misunderstandings between Homura and Sayaka. This is beneficial for a time, but it leads into Kyubey playing his one remaining trump card. And that trump card is quite the Joker...
Emperor Jinnai, quite possibly the most powerful magical human of all-time, has returned to his native world, after conquering five alien planets! He returns to try to blackmail Madoka into wishing him into being the ruler of Earth. And Jinnai's efforts prove successful.
The world is dramatically changed. The Axis are now the winners of WW II. Japan rules almost the entire planet! And Emporer Jinnai rules Japan. Kyouko Sakura leads a Crimson Knights rebellion, hoping to free Japan from Jinnai's tyrannical reign.
It is into this radically different world that Madoka, Sayaka, and Homura are thrown. Can they overcome Emperor Jinnai? Can they find a way for Madoka to remain a magical girl without ever becoming a witch? Will Homura's dreams persevere? Will Kyouko lead her rebel forces to victory? ...Or will Jinnai crush all opposition into dust?
This story will reveal it all. Please join me for...
Live Free or Die Hard
P.S. I'm considering using third person narration for the remainder of this narrative chain. So any thoughts on that is welcome.
Larger version of pic here.
Last edited by Triple_R; 2013-05-09 at 09:50. Reason: Updated images to completed versions
|2013-05-07, 22:55||Link #323|
Join Date: Apr 2009
I know that I'm not suppose to be reading the latest post. But, I can't help myself. My delayed gratification mechanism must be stupidly low.
Mami lives Chapter 14
First, the very idea why Kyuubey contracts girls exclusively is because there are fewer reasons for them to realize the "sexual healing" way of cleansing the grief seed made me lol hard. WAIT... if Kyuubey only contract lesbians. Then that must mean every magical girl is lesbian. Lol. I could see it with our sample population. And that must mean Sayaka is at the very least bi.
Hippie Harem Homura
I'm reminded that really the easiest solution for the magical girls is to have an orgy party. With the revelation above clearly the reason why there are many infighting between magical girls is not because of the grief cubes. Its because of sexual tension...
Musical Magical Mami and Mami joins Claris
Reminds me of the time Mami became a magical idol in psp. There are so many ends as well about Mami becoming an idol singer. It fits her too. What with her fancy and aesthetically pleasing attacks. Her calling them out and naming them cute names like Tiro Finale. Sometimes I feel that Mami is fighting not as much as beating the witches but to impress. Its a good thing that quality is being used extensively here.
Seto x Hitomi?
Seto Kaiba and card games that has rules that does not make any sense. I suppose that fits Yu-Gi-Oh like a glove. I was quite amused when I was reading the finale of the manga when it was revealed that the power of the Millennium puzzle was to pick which card the bearer will draw. This. When the series especially Yugi did so many dramatic draws. Heart of card my foot. More like Ancient Egyptian cheating.
On the font with Seto and Hitomi. I would like to hope that Hitomi isn't being a trophy wife. Seto doesn't exactly strike me as a marrying man.
On the witch Skeletra is she a pun for Skeletor? Or perhaps a stealth homage to Voldemort? The name is 90% skeletor but the manner seems to bring about my imagination for Voldemort... hmmm....
The Church marriage scene. I can't help but feel its missing something. Where is Homura? Is she somewhere in the balcony or she didn't speak at all just quiet on the wedding? Or wait. Did she even attend? Perhaps took a suicide somewhere when the wedding is going on since she can't be with Madoka?
Momo is also really really cute. I'm still trying to guess what anime did she came from. And I really love the ending picture of Madoka and Homura.
And now, I really need to reread everything....
|2013-05-08, 10:44||Link #324|
Join Date: Nov 2007
You're very much correct in thinking I'll be happy about the announcement. 'Magica Wars' is a very clean, exciting, aesthetically pleasing name, and those same compliments apply to its subtitle as well. An awesome name, and certainly a massive upgrade from the rather dry name of "Homura/Sayaka Alliance." Of the two remaining story arcs, this is likely the one I'm more excited about since the canon route is mostly retreading familiar ground (not that I don't love it just the same, and the canon route is more fitting as the finale to PPPL, but I can't deny that I'm more interested in the arc that's 100% original material). That's a fantastic image that winhlp drew for the story, too. Maybe winhlp can draw a promotional image for each story arc, and they can be placed at the beginning of said story arcs in Kimidori's Visual Novel version of the game (ie the image winhlp drew for Magica Wars is displayed for a few seconds whenever the 'Magica Wars' arc begins).
|2013-05-08, 17:35||Link #325|
Join Date: Apr 2009
Could you please explain it to me? I may be missing something since I just read the last post in seclusion and starting my reread so I'm very certain, I'm missing something.
Wouldn't heterosexual girls have an easier time finding partners? Statistically, heterosexual girls would find it easier to look for a heterosexual boys. Unless, the sexual healing thing doesn't work if both people aren't puellas. But, the post has a Kyousuke and Sayaka monogamous pairing...
Puella's are also territorial and distrustful of other puellas, so most wouldn't be in a friendly relationship with each other...I'm definitely missing something. I'll download the VN maybe there is a clue somewhere...
|2013-05-08, 20:26||Link #326|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Here's the paragraph in question
“So you decided to contract only with adolescent girls.” Mami said, “There are far fewer lesbians than there are heterosexual girls and guys, so the “magical girl” is less likely to learn of the sexual means of Soul Gem cleansing than the Greek and Roman ‘gods’ that you refer to. This is especially true when you focus on adolescents instead of sexually mature women.”
Maybe you misread that first sentence as 'only with lesbian girls' rather than 'only with adolescent girls,' or something along those lines.
|2013-05-09, 11:55||Link #327|
Live Free or Die Hard
He hovers, ominously but calmly, over Mitakihara Middle School blazing wildly through the night. About half of the school has been engulfed in the flames of his Scorched Earth maneuver. None of his giant insectoid androids have reported back to him. He quickly concludes that Akemi Homura, Kaname Madoka, and Miki Sayaka have all either managed to escape to safety, or were incinerated in the blast.
Sayaka’s possible survival troubles him not at all, and Madoka’s possible survival troubles him only mildly. But Homura’s survival worries him greatly, given the nature of her unique Puella Magi abilities. So he puts in a bit of added effort in carefully searching about Mitakihara Middle School for any sign of his new enemies. After an hour or two of searching, he is finally brought to a halt by the sudden and very impressive, but not entirely unexpected, appearance of a very large airship, dropping its cloak.
“Emperor!” came the earnest shout of Lieutenant Makoto Kikuchi over the loud speakers of the airship, “We of course respect your decision to do whatever you wish, Great One, but your personal guard is obviously concerned over what has just occurred here. We humbly request that you enter Air Force Alpha-Omega, and inform us of what just occurred here over the past two hours. You should know that it is already the leading news story on all Japanese stations!”
Jinnai, garbed in his distinctive purple suit, sighs over Kikuchi’s words, knowing that his concerns over the possible survival of his new enemies would need to wait for another day. Still, he knew that there was much work to be done; work in ensuring that there would be a seamless transition between his two halves, and his two very different sets of memories.
It was a strange feeling Jinnai was having. In a very real sense, two alternate universe versions of him had essentially fused into one. For ‘half’ of him, he had been Emperor for over 60 years. For that side of him, everything that was happening now was routine, even mundane from his lofty perspective. But for the other ‘half’ of him, this was all new and exciting. His dream of conquering his home world had finally been achieved! For this side of him, a strongly celebratory mood filled his heart.
So with a smile on his face, Jinnai flew up to an air-locked entranceway into his football stadium-sized Air Force Alpha-Omega. That entranceway was designed primarily with him in mind, as he is capable of flight. About three minutes after being addressed by Lieutenant Kikuchi, Jinnai walked out of the air-locked entranceway, and into one of the main corridors of his airship. Jinnai took a moment to readjust his tie, and neatly comb his hair.
Then with a smug half-smile, he turned about 45 degrees to face the grand assembly before him. Over a hundred members of his personal Amazonian Guard lined both sides of the corridor, and a large shunting sound could be heard as they all came to attention as he turned towards them. Each of them stood stoically, fervent soldier pride beaming from their faces, as they all held one hand in salute at their head, and another hand on their rifles.
For part of Jinnai, this was all new and exciting. So he allowed himself a moment to savor this sign of complete victory, as it demonstrated the complete and passionate loyalty he now commanded in hundreds of thousands of human soldiers, and hundreds of millions of Japanese citizens.
He slowly walked down through this assembly of soldiers. The more veteran soldiers were completely calm, but many of the newer soldiers were sweating bullets, this being their first time getting this close to the Emperor himself! Jinnai was amused, and smugly self-satisfied, at how much nervousness he was able to cause in them by his mere presence.
One of the newer soldiers acted with surprising boldness, though. She was slightly shorter in stature than the average Amazonian guard. She had a cute button nose, and short brownish hair that was longer on one side than the other.
“A-Are you Ok?” she asked, becoming concerned at the sight of blood trickling out of Jinnai’s nose.
Jinnai had taken a nasty punch from Madoka, and had not yet bothered to fully heal himself. While the bleeding had previously stopped, it had just started up again.
“K-Kana!” the taller blue-haired girl next to her whispered to her, as a commotion had been caused by Kanata voicing concern, “One does not simply address the Emperor like that!”
“No…” Jinnai interjected softly and smoothly, bringing the commotion to a halt, “You may all relax. I appreciate the new soldier’s expression of concern.”
Jinnai then turned about, and moved directly in front of the soldier that had expressed concern for him. He looked down into her face. She started blushing slightly, as she correctly felt she was being sized up here.
“What is your name?” Jinnai asked her.
“K-Kanata!” she nervously responded, “Kanata Sorami, sire!”
“Sorami…” Jinnai stated, as his eyes softened, and he cupped the side of her face with his hand, “A fine and lovely name. And yet, I do not recognize it. Tell me… have you had your initiation yet?”
“N-no sire!” she replied, blushing up a storm as she nonetheless knew what this ‘initiation’ entailed.
“Excellent.” Jinnai replied with a wide grin, “I feel like celebrating right now, so now is the perfect time for your initiation.”
“Wait, Emperor…” came the voice of Lieutenant Kikuchi, as she had at last met up with him, “She’s a very shy girl and she only joined the ranks of your Amazonian guard a couple weeks ago. I don’t know if…”
“If I want your opinion, Lieutenant, I’ll ask for it…” Jinnai stated in an irritated and slightly sneering tone, “Do not forget your standing relative to mine.”
“O-Of course not, most high and mighty Emperor Jinnai.” Kikuchi stated, as she bowed reverently towards Jinnai, “But there is also the matter of what just occurred here at the site of this school. We still need to…”
“Yes, yes, I get it, Lieutenant.” Jinnai stated with a dismissive wave of one hand, “I’ll debrief you on it now. In the meantime, though, please have Kanata Sorami escorted to my quarters.”
“As you wish …” the tall, strong, tomboyish Lieutenant stated in a low tone betraying her worry, while she tried to look strong for the increasingly nervous Kanata.
Jinnai would shortly explain to Kikuchi that he had traveled to this school out of sheer curiosity over it, since it is the school that produced the new Captain of the Amazonian Guard. And for ‘half’ of Jinnai, that is in fact the truth. But the more important truth is how he had come to this school to blackmail Madoka. And it is to Madoka herself that we now turn.
Homura, Sayaka, and I decided to sleep on the incredible recent turn of events; a turn which I’m sad to admit is largely due to a decision that I made. Kyouko wished us all goodnight, and thankfully had comfortable if small rooms prepared for each of us. Kyouko said she had a lot she wanted to discuss with us first thing in the morning, at 8:30 AM, so she encouraged us to get a full night’s sleep.
Still, I would end up being awaken during the night by a very restless Homura.
“Madoka…” I heard her clear but soft voice, as an equally soft knock on the door woke me up, “Can I please come in? There is something I want to talk to you about.”
“…Ok.” I replied groggily, while coming to a sitting position, and wiping the sleep from my eyes, “I’ll come let you in.”
I then stood up from out of my bed, and walked over to the door to my room, unlocking it and inviting Homura in. She warmly smiled at me while I did that, which admittedly caused me to blush a bit. Homura and I were both wearing pajamas right now. For each of us, the color of our pajamas matched the color of our hair, as our pajamas were created through magic!
After Homura entered into my room, behind me, I closed my bedroom door and locked it. Homura and I then sat down next to each other on the side of my bed.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I asked Homura.
“There’s something I should tell you.” Homura replied, “You… might find it hard to believe, but it’s something you should know, especially now.”
“I doubt I’d find much of anything hard to believe after today!” I joked, still feeling lost in a daze of confusion and wonderment given what had happened over the past day or so.
“Good point.” Homura replied with an unusual grin for her, “I guess what I have to say hopefully won’t be that hard to believe, then.”
“You strike me as a very sincere person.” I said to Homura, as I placed one hand over hers. “So I’ll believe you, no matter what you say.”
“Thank you, Madoka.” Homura replied, very warmly, “Still, it’s probably good that you’re sitting down for this.”
Homura then made admittedly very shocking reveals to me! After hearing those reveals over a few minutes, it occurred to me why she had told me all of this.
“You’re considering rewinding this timeline as well?” I asked Homura.
“Yes.” Homura stated, “That would effectively undo the damage that Jinnai has done.”
I carefully considered Homura’s words. There was much logic to them, but I felt my chest become very tight over the full consequences of what we were considering here.
“There’s much to dislike about the world that now exists, as a result of my wish…” I state, with a touch of shame, “But yet, there is some good that came from that wish. In this world, nuclear weapons were never used. Hiroshima and Nagasaki were spared such terrible horrors. Many people lived longer and fuller lives. Many people who exist right now probably do not exist at all in the world as it was before!”
“That’s true.” Homura admitted, “But then, what about the horrors that Hitler visited upon the world? Horrors that would at least be lessened by setting the world back to the way it was.”
“… That’s a good point.” I said, after carefully taking in Homura’s words.
I then sighed.
“It’s hard to know what to do.” I said, “But putting all of that aside, I’m deeply moved by how hard you’ve tried to protect me in all of these various timelines, Homura. I’m sorry for how much trouble I have caused you.”
“No, you shouldn’t feel that way about yourself.” Homura firmly insisted, “In the initial timeline, you saved me. You reached out to me as nobody else ever did. You became my one, true friend. I am simply doing what any good friend would do in turn.”
Homura started tearing up here. It caused me to start crying as well. Homura and I then hugged each other tightly.
“Let’s sleep on it, Ok?” I asked Homura, “We don’t need to make a decision right away. We have at least until the arrival of Walpurgis Night to make a decision on it, right?”
Homura nodded in reply.
“Oh, does Sayaka know about all of this, by the way?” I asked.
“No.” Homura replied, “She knows about Walpurgis Night, but not about how I’ve been going through multiple timelines in attempts to defeat Walpurgis Night while also protecting you, Madoka.”
“I see.” I replied, “Then I’d also like to get Sayaka’s take on all of this. We’ll tell her about it tomorrow when we get a chance for some privacy together, Ok?”
Homura thankfully nodded to that as well.
Homura and I then exchanged one more hug, before we once more wished each other good night. I then slept for a few more hours before I was awoke around 7:30 AM by an alarm going off. It would soon be time to meet with Kyouko!
“Aaahhh…” Jinnai stated, with supreme satisfaction, after walking out of a thoroughly refreshing shower and wrapping a white towel around his waist, “Last night was certainly a glorious night for me, ha ha!”
Jinnai then heard a buzzing sound at the door of his Quarters for his Airship.
“Yes, who’s there?” he asked, in an almost absent-minded and whimsical tone.
“Your Vice-Chancellor.” was the smooth but authoritative reply, “There’s much we have to discuss.”
“I’ll be with you shortly.” Jinnai replied, as he slowly put on his purple suit.
As he did so, he took a minute to look at his large, luxurious bed, and the occupant still sleeping soundly there. He smirked at the thought of what he and Kanata had experienced together last night.
“Sleep well, my dear.” Jinnai whispered to her, as he leaned his head down next to her ear, “You’ve earned it.”
With a skip in his step, and a chuckle in his voice, he then greeted the Vice-Chancellor at the door. The Voice-Chancellor wore a stylish and stunning red and gold outfit. She had a red headband in her hair, which glistened slightly, as it was also her soul gem. She was a Puella Magi, and the most powerful person in Japan behind only Jinnai himself. She was tall, standing only an inch or two shorter than Jinnai. She had impeccable angular facial features, and long dark hair. One strand of hair stretched down between her eyes, and that strand of hair was one of her more distinctive features. Her expression was a perfect poker face, as usual.
As Jinnai greeted her at the door, her curiosity caused her to look around him, and stare at his bed.
“I’m impressed…” she said, in a sarcastic tone, “Few would be able to indulge in such pleasures so shortly after what you encountered last night.”
“It’s best to not let a little bit of chaos get in the way of the finer things in life, Irisu.” Jinnai replied with a smirk.
“If you say so.” responded Vice-Chancellor Irisu Fuyumi, “Still, it’s not every day you end up in personal combat with a Puella Magi.”
“Two Puella Magi, actually.” Jinnai corrected, while he walked out of his room, and began heading towards his office on the Air Force Alpha-Omega.
“Yes, I read the report you gave Lieutenant Kikuchi.” Irisu replied, walking closely behind him, “You fear that this time-manipulating Puella Magi managed to escape with the super-strong Puella Magi and their mutual blue-haired friend?”
“Yes.” Jinnai replied.
“And their names are Akemi Homura, Kaname Madoka, and Miki Sayaka?” Irisu added in.
“Right.” Jinnai confirmed, “Has the media caught wind of that yet?”
“Thankfully, we were able to intercept and lower the visual quality of the satellite imagery taken of your conflict with them.” Irisu replied, “We can, of course, chose to clear up that visual quality if you ever want proof of your attackers’ identities to be made public.”
“Very well done, Irisu.” Jinnai expressed in gratitude, “It’s good to know that you’re entirely on top of these sorts of things, so I don’t need to worry as much about it.”
“Thank you.” Irisu replied a bit coldly, as she had grown slightly resentful of what she felt was Jinnai’s occasionally whimsical approach to his role of incredible importance, the role of World Leader.
“Nonetheless, numerous VIPs are clamoring to hear from you after last night’s escapades.” Irisu added.
“And they are?” Jinnai asked.
“Fuhrer Bradley, Duce Berlusconi, the Governor of Tokyo, the Governor of Mitakihara Town, Oriko, …” Irisu began in reply.
“Oriko!” Jinnai exclaimed excitedly, “Irisu, you know that she takes top priority over the rest! Have Oriko and Kirika sent to my office immediately.”
“And as for the rest, Emperor?” Irisu asked.
“You take care of it.” Jinnai replied, “Tell them that I’ll get in contact with each of them within 72 hours.”
“Emperor, we can’t allow an attack like what you suffered last night to go without a swift and uncompromising response.” Irisu said, “The Japanese people are still a bit unsettled given what happened a few months ago in the Australian territory. The Crimson Knights are a serious concern, they can’t just be…”
“Yes, yes, I get all that.” Jinnai said, “Look, you know the standard operating procedures for dealing with those that are confirmed members of the Crimson Knights.”
“You want those measures applied to Akemi, Kaname, and Miki?” Irisu asked in turn.
“Precisely.” Jinnai replied, “Presuming they survived, they’ve likely aligned themselves with the Crimson Knights by now. So just fabricate some evidence that they were always aligned with…”
“No!” came the sudden and loud voice of the Captain of Jinnai’s Amazonian Guard.
The green-haired, halberd-wielding Captain then raced over to Jinnai and Irisu, before kneeling reverently before both.
“Please give me a chance to get through to them first.” she pleaded with Jinnai, “I’m sure there is some tragic misunderstanding here!”
Jinnai then scratched his chin contemplatively, while Irisu looked annoyed.
“Try to persuade them to swear fealty to me.” Jinnai replied to the Captain of his Amazonian Guard, “If you succeed, instruct all three of them to go to the nearest police station, and wait there for my arrival tonight. I give you six hours to achieve this…”
“Wait, you don’t seriously believe that…” Irisu interjected.
“Who knows, maybe cowardice will get the better of them?” Jinnai stated, shrugging his shoulders, “If so, adding two powerful Puella Magi to my ranks can only strengthen my position, correct? And Miki Sayaka can just return to her normal life for all I care.”
“Thank you, Emperor!” the Captain of the Guard expressed passionately, while looking and beaming up at him.
“If the Captain fails in her efforts…” Jinnai stated towards Irisu, “Then you know what to do.”
“Very well.” Irisu stated, blinking uneasily, “I’ll have Oriko and Kirika meet with you immediately, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
Jinnai, Irisu, and the Captain of the Guard then all went their separate ways, with very different concerns motivating each of them onwards. But now Kyouko Sakura hoped to bring Homura, Sayaka, and Madoka into allegiance with her, over mutual concerns.
Homura, Sayaka and I, with us all wearing our student uniforms, walked into a small meeting room. A sturdy darkish brown table was in the middle of the room. At one end of the table sat Kyouko in her Puella Magi outfit, and she was flanked by two people. On one side was a cute girl, only a little bit taller than me, with brownish hair and twin-tails. She wore a simple reddish student uniform. On the other side was a tall, handsome man with a mullet hairstyle and large sideburns. He had a red bandana wrapped around his head, and he wore the military uniform of the Crimson Knights, only with distinctive leather shoulder-patches.
“Thank you for not keeping me waiting.” Kyouko stated, “I trust you all slept well?”
“Like a log.” Sayaka replied, “Still… I feel very confused. I’m not sure what we should do next.”
“That’s understandable.” Kyouko quickly interjected, “Attracting the attention of our beloved Emperor has no doubt turned your world upside-down. It certainly did the same to me…”
“Who are the two people with you?” Homura asked Kyouko.
“My name is Hare Menjou” the girl replied, with a surprisingly cheerful tone, “I’m a Puella Magi, like you, Kyouko, and Madoka. But don’t let my appearance fool you, as I’m actually in my 30s!”
“You don’t look a day over 18!” I exclaimed in reply.
“Magical humans don’t age like normal humans do.” Kyouko interjected, “Hare had close confidents within JAXA, and she shares their desires. Some within JAXA are displeased with Jinnai’s reign, and have been covertly working to eventually end it. To this end, they have studied a large meteorite that crashed in Japan a few decades ago.”
“A meteorite?” Sayaka asked, blinking in surprise, “How can a meteorite help us?”
“It is through that meteorite that we have learned of things like Apocalypse Crystals and Voids.” Hare replied with a grin, “I myself wished for the power to manipulate voids, when I became a Puella Magi. So that is a special power I hold, along with a healing strands ability that resulted from my wish.”
“Wow, that’s pretty cool.” Sayaka replied to Hare, smiling at her, “But what are voids exactly?”
“Voids are our one edge over the Emperor!” exclaimed the man standing next to Kyouko.
His loud, authoritative voice quickly filled the room, and startled Homura, Sayaka, and me.
“Don’t mind Ohgi.” Hare said with a nervous smile, “He’s a… hot-blooded man, you could say.”
“My full name is Kaname Ohgi.” he quickly added in.
“Kaname Ohgi…” I repeated, “Are we related?”
“Not to the best of my knowledge” he replied, “But if we are, you can be assured that I will do all that I can to support my family.”
“Th-thank you.” I replied nervously, while blushing slightly.
“Um…” stated Sayaka, “Can we get back to the voids now?”
“Certainly.” Hare answered, “Voids are the core essence of a person. They are the physical manifestation of one’s heart, if you will. For some people, they can be a simple appliance, perhaps reflecting a passion for carpentry. For others, they can be a mighty sword, reflecting a love of combat. Each person’s void is unique, and many have practical uses.”
“And what about these Apocalypse crystals?” asked Homura.
“That’s…” began Hare, before she was cut off by Kyouko.
“…another story.” interjected Kyouko, “It’s a long one that we don’t have time for right now. It should come as no surprise to you all that my main goal right now is to recruit you into the Crimson Knights!”
Homura, Sayaka, and I all looked at each other nervously over these words.
“The three of us certainly have good reason for disliking Jinnai and wanting to oppose his reign…” I stated, “But he is a powerful and dangerous man! It is a bit scary to think of opposing him.”
“You seemed to oppose him quite effectively last night.” Kyouko replied to me.
“That’s only because he was refusing to honor the agreement he made with me!” I exclaimed in answer, “He wasn’t going to allow Homura to go free, and that’s something that I was not going to tolerate.”
Homura blushed slightly over that, but also frowned a bit over the thought of me risking my life to save her.
“Well, I’m afraid that the merciless Emperor will similarly not tolerate what you did last night.” Kyouko said, “He is your enemy now, whether you want him to be or not!”
“No offense, but don’t you think that what you’re fighting for here might be kinda hopeless?” Sayaka stated, raising an eyebrow, “I certainly respect fighting for a cause that you believe in, but do you see how far Jinnai’s rule now extends?! That map Homura showed us last night…”
“The good news there is that it means that Jinnai’s forces are spread thin.” Ohgi interjected.
“That is why he has chosen to have some of his Soul Society members act as Governors for the various territories within Greater Japan.” Kyouko stated.
“Soul Society?” Homura asked.
“If Jinnai was King Arthur, then Soul Society would be the Knights of the Round Table.” Kyouko replied, “There are 12 Puella Magi in the Soul Society. 8 of them are charged with governing one of the 8 territories of Greater Japan beyond the Imperial Island itself.”
Kyouko then brought up a large holographic schematic on the middle of the table we were all situated around. That schematic displayed a map of the world, divided up into various regions.
“The eight regions are North America, Central America, South America, The Middle East, Eurasia, India, Pacifica, and Australia.” Kyouko stated.
The faces and names of the Puella Magi governing these regions were brought up on the holographic schematic. A tall, blue-eyed, ginger-haired girl named “Kirino Kousaka” governed North America. A tall, blue-eyed, blonde girl named “Eri Ayase” governed Eurasia. A very wealthy looking girl with long blonde hair named “Ryuumonbuchi Touka” governed Australia. A shorter girl with shoulder-length black hair named “Setsuna Kiyoura” governed India. Before I could gather any other of these Puella Magi Governors, Kyouko started speaking to us again.
“Becoming a member of Soul Society is considered the highest of honors amongst Japanese teenage girls.” Kyouko continued, “Millions apply every year, and an exhaustive screening process turns that into only a few dozen interviews that the Emperor himself conducts. He then hand-picks who gets to become a Soul Society member.”
“…How do you expect us to fight 12 Puella Magi?!” Sayaka exclaimed in wide-eyed question.
“And that’s not even including Jinnai himself…” Homura added in.
“Our own forces don’t lack Puella Magi, you know.” Kyouko replied with a grin, “It’s just that Madoka is the first one to actually hurt the Emperor directly. That’s why I became interested in her!”
“…There’s been an open war amongst Puella Magi for a while now, hasn’t there?” Homura asked, with a skeptical look on her face.
“Yes.” Kyouko replied, with a touch of shame, “There have been casualties on both sides. I admit it still saddens me to think of what became of the Miyanaga sisters…”
“This is quite the cost you’re incurring to try to topple Jinnai.” Sayaka stated sternly, “Is it really worth it?”
“Let me explain to you why I took a ragtag assortment of freedom fighters, and turned them into a much more well-oiled rebellion force called the Crimson Knights.” Kyouko stated.
Kyouko then explained much of her backstory to us. She explained how her father was a struggling church leader, and how she had wished for his message to reach more people, and bring greater success to her father, his church, and his faith. Kyouko was one of a few Puella Magi that focused strictly on witches and familiars, having no particular allegiance to, or opposition against, the Japanese government. At the same time, her father’s church thrived, and became increasingly popular.
“Unfortunately, Jinnai saw that as a threat to his perceived and official status of godhood.” Kyouko replied, her eyes becoming misty, “And so he had his black ops forces destroy my father’s church, and kill my parents and sister…”
“I… I’m deeply sorry.” Sayaka said in open mouth shock, greatly alarmed at Kyouko’s words.
“It is a very narrow society that the Emperor has enforced on Japan.” Hare stated in a melancholic tone, “Freedom of expression, freedom of conscience, freedom of religion… all of that is strictly limited in Japan. And those who run afoul of those limitations are dealt with very harshly.”
“But know that in spite of that all, Jinnai is widely beloved by most of the Japanese people.” Kyouko stated, with a look of disgust on her face, “His abuses are largely tolerated, if not ignored, because the Japanese economy has boomed under his watch. He is the greatest of heroes to most here.”
As I searched the other set of memories that I now have, I could tell the truth in Kyouko’s words. With a touch of shame, I can recall how even Sayaka and I had largely looked up to “our Emperor” in this new timeline where he has been that since the 1990s. But as Sayaka and I search our memories, a most alarming memory comes back to us.
Both of us suddenly perked up, and looked into each other’s eyes. Yes, we had the same dark realization!
“Hitomi…” Sayaka said.
Then my cell-phone went off, as it was in my pocket and set to vibrate.
“I-I have a call.” I interjected.
“Calls can’t be traced back to this room.” Kyouko stated, “So feel free to answer it.”
I then retrieved my cell-phone from my pocket, and looked at the name on call display. It left me wondering what to do next!
“Madoka…” Sayaka asked me, after gulping hard, “Is it…?”
“Yes…” I replied, “It is Hitomi…”
Kyouko’s eyes went wide in horror over this. She brought a palm up to her face.
“Damn it!” she exclaimed, while slamming her fist down on the table, “How could I have not seen this coming?! You’re all from the same school!”
“Hitomi Shizuki…” Hare stated, with a look of horror on her face, “Jinnai’s Captain of the Amazonian Guard!”
And Hitomi was calling me right now, likely hoping to talk Sayaka and me into surrendering to the Emperor and trying to make amends with him!
What will I do?!
To Be Continued…
And there you have it, Chapter 1 of Magica Wars!
For this, I plan to use my own narration voice for scenes that Madoka is "off camera" for, and Madoka's narration voice for everything else. Unless people don't like that approach, in which case, please let me know!
I may or may not put romance into this route. Affection choices may still come up, I'm not sure yet. Any reader preferences there are also welcomed.
Finally, over 9,000 otaku points for anybody who gets each and every one of the many anime references I put into this chapter!
Edit: I updated the image wnhlp provided in my post above. I now have the finalized image of it. Please check it out!
Last edited by Triple_R; 2013-05-09 at 13:42. Reason: Important notice
|2013-05-12, 18:55||Link #328|
Join Date: Mar 2013
This is an amazing beginning for this epic route! For me, the narration is very well structered and you have managed to put a lot of different anime and manga references and characters (Oriko Magica, OreImo, Guilty Crown, Love Live, Code Geass...).
About the decision to put romance or not in Magica Wars, I think that this route must had some romance ( I know it takes long time write different routes) because love is the main theme of this visual novel but if the route doesn't have any romance I'll not mind.
And again you have exceeded my expectations. I'm sure whatever you decide to do, I will like it.
|2013-05-12, 19:52||Link #329|
Unlimited Flag Works!
Yo~ Triple R. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve done a review. I definitely missed a lot and plenty of interesting things have happened during when I was having my “issues” that prevented me from logging on and writing my thoughts and opinions on your word. Interestingly enough, I subscribed to this thread a bunch of times and it still won't give me email notice on updates!!! Need to annoyingly subscribe again! None the less, I know it doesn't matter at this point, but as always, I always tend to keep my promises and I’m going to write my review. I read all of it a while ago, but was just trying to digest how to approach and give a professional take at what you've done here. Keep in mind I’m not confident with my words, but Dwarven Vow #41: It’s better to begin in the evening then not begin at all!
I’ve talked long enough. As usual I've got ClariS playing, but I also got μ's from Love Live playing with them in my Itunes sub folder I named ClarLive. Now that you‘ve got the rundown (hopefully) “Cracks knuckles” Let’s get this party star… No! Let’s Start: Dash!!!
As for the review it‘s going to be done in 3 sections and sub-columns. I’m sure you’ll get the gist of if you ever get the chance to read this. It's my first time doing a style like this, but I'm sure that it's neat and clear for you to read. Anyway…
Spoiler for The Heartful Cry PMMM Style:
Spoiler for Spirited Boy:
Spoiler for Magica Luminous:
Spoiler for Pros:
Spoiler for Cons:
Phew! I’ve done it. That’s one hurdle down. I know you recently done a new “Otherworld” chapter in the fanfic thread, but I need to give my fingers and mind a rest for about 2-3 days. Like Sayaka and Homura’s route I hope we’ll get an after story with MamiMado. I don’t know if you’ll do that, but just being cautiously optimistic about it.
Once again excellent work on this route and so until then dude, until then!
|2013-05-13, 00:46||Link #330|
Time for some replies to some excellent reviews!
It really is great to read a review from you again, Clarami. And I have to say it's one of the very best and most thorough reviews I've ever had for PPPL. It was great to read you clearly convey your feelings at every key point of the story.
Thankfully, it sounds like 97% or so of the scenes I wrote had their desired/intended effect. The painful/tragic bits were genuinely painful/tragic to you, the inspirational bits were indeed inspirational, and the plot twists had some good "Oomph!" to them for you. And maybe with just an exception or two, the romantic bits also hit the right note for you. So I'm very glad this all resonated well for you!
But to keep this reply from growing overly long, I'll focus on your closing statements, though I might have more to say to your other observations in the future.
Oh, but there is one thing that I simply must comment on - Yes, I did intend for A-Rise to signify how ClariS would similarly be turning into a three-girl idol group soon. But I couldn't think of a good way to re-work their name to include Mami into it. But I have to admit some embarrassment over that, as a great name for Clara, Alice, and Mami as a trio is your very AS handle - Clarami!
It's funny, because for the longest time I wondered where you got your latest handle from. "Kirito" was pretty clear, but "Clarami" didn't ring any bells for me. But your AS handle actually ended up being great foreshadowing for my fanfic - Yes, ClariS becomes Clarami in my fanfic. That's a great name for Clara, Alice, and Mami as a trio.
That's one of the reasons I wanted to be very thorough with the Mami Romance route. But another factor is that I think few, if any, anime characters have more untapped potential than what Mami Tomoe does. A long, intricate Mami Romance route provided a good vehicle for tapping into that potential, and it was typically a joy to write.
In any event, I'm really glad that the Mami Romance route received a high score from you, and largely met with your approval. Thanks for the heads up on ClariS and Ore no Imouto, by the way. That is definitely pretty cool!
There is something I want to explain here, though.
My own personal preference on "Vanilla vs. Harem" is, in fact, vanilla. I guess I'm a bit of an old-fashioned romantic that way.
Still, one of the main ideals behind this fanfic is this - Having a VN-style narrative where there is abundant choice, where the reader/player really does have tremendous control over where the story goes, and where any choice that's even remotely believable (and interesting) for Madoka to make is a choice available in the story. I basically wanted this fanfic to be to standard-style eroges what sandbox-style WRPGs are to "on-rails" JRPGs. A truly empowering experience for readers.
Some of my readers, as you've probably noticed, have pushed for harem endings and options. So I provided narrative chains for this - Here in Mami Romance, as well as a special ending in the Canon narrative. But it's all a question of reader/player choice.
But for someone like yourself, you can just ignore the "harem" side of things in Mami Romance if you want. After all, I want this narrative to be empowering to you as well. And that's why to get that magical Clarami subplot, the reader/player has to be like you - faithful to Mami.
As for the wedding scene, I'll admit I went a bit short on that, partly since the final chapter had a lot of different things going on at the same time (showing the outcome of Madoka's wish, showing Madoka as a magical girl fighting a witch, showing Mami successfully create Clarami with ClariS, showing a hopefully satisfying conclusion to the pretty important Sayaka/Kyousuke romance subplot, etc...). The other factor is that I'll admit I was starting to struggle a bit with Madoka Romance.
I want MadoSaya, MadoMami, and HomuMado to all seem as distinct from one another as, say, the various Clannad/Kanon routes seem distinct from one another. With MadoSaya I aimed to tell as good a "childhood friends" romance as possible, with HomuMado I aimed to tell as passionate/steamy a romance as possible, and with MadoMami I aimed for as perfectly balanced a romance as possible. So each route had different focuses that hopefully made them feel distinct from each other.
With MadoKyouko, by the way, I'll probably be aiming for "Opposites Attract". But that's still a ways off, of course.
All of the above being said, I get and accept your criticisms.
Kyubey just ran into a real statistical anomaly with the Madoka main cast, with them all being lesbian or bi.
Madoka and Sayaka are relatively straightforward as Puella Magi, while Mami (and, oddly enough, Kyouko) give me more of a "showboat" feel. But hey, I like this about Mami. It gives her nice style.
Now, on the whole Seto/Hitomi thing - Honestly, guys, that was mostly just for laughs. I see some funny similarities between the two that I wanted to have fun with. For what it's worth, though, I think Seto will be committed to his wife, and will love her as a normal/average husband would.
I envision Seto/Hitomi as being like Vegeta/Bulma. So just go with that.
|2013-05-15, 20:08||Link #331|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
I had a review up here earlier that I wasn't exactly sure of, and after looking over it again, I realized how utterly horrible it really was. The only thing really worth keeping about it was the list of references I spotted, which has been reproduced at the end of this post.
Frankly, you deserve better than that, and so does this latest update. Unfortunately, I let my usual habits completely overshadow what I should've been doing, so I'm going to try my best to go without this time. Hopefully a streamlined review will suffice this time around.
First and foremost, I rather like the use of third person narration. It gives this a bit of overall consistency with how you've handled other scenes that don't feature Madoka or one of her love interests (or Hitomi) in a major role. Plus, it allows for certain things that are hard or outright impossible to accomplish with a first-person narrator. Nice job there.
Second, while it normally wouldn't be a good idea to introduce so many new names and faces all in one go at this stage, I think you had pulled it off spectacularly. Even if it was something "normal" to some of them, the overall reaction Jinnai's actions received were quite a treat.
That being said, the character interactions and overall dialogue were quite well-done. Particularly of note was Kyouko basically shrugging off a second long explanation to get to the matter at hand. Even in a world where she has to fight against the man who killed her family, Kyouko's attitude still shines. Of course, that isn't to say the rest were boring or anything, as I think Irisu plays off Jinnai quite well, and... well, any time Homura is being open about something is always a treat, and you didn't disappoint here.
Moreover, you even managed to work in quite a twist I'd imagine few were expecting with Hitomi, and did so in such a manner that someone who weren't aware of her role in "Mami Lives! - Madoka Stands Alone" would've been truly shocked by. Though... if I'm right about what the initiation into Jinnai's Amazonian Guard is, I can't help but laugh at the fact that's now two men of questionable character in this project she's been... involved with, shall we say...
Anyway, these new developments have been quite interesting, and you did a great job here. Really looking forward to what you have in store next.
Now, like I said earlier, I actually saved the list I had made earlier, with one minor note added after I did a bit of research.
Spoiler for List of References I spotted:
|2013-05-16, 14:41||Link #332|
Special Note: Touhou fans will probably like this.
Sometimes I feel sorry for my readers, having to deal with a writer as whimsical as I.
Even now, with Magica Wars just started, inspiration for something different struck while doing an image search. The inspiration for a good epilogue to this. That's the special Mami Lives ending where Madoka remains single, but one of two different Puella Magi pairings results.
Anyway, consider the following an epilogue to that, as well as a brief break from Magica Wars. I give you...
My name is “Arisu”. But I prefer to think of it as “Alice”. I have short and slightly curly blonde hair. I also have blue eyes. I am currently 16 years old. Today, I want to share my story with you. This is because it is tied to older and wondrous stories, and I want you to know more about the outcomes of those stories. The art of storytelling has always appealed to me, as the fine arts in general tend to.
I spent my first fourteen years growing up in a modern metropolis named Mitakihara Town. But ironically, my interests brought me into the classics, the medieval, the renaissance. I have my mothers to thank for that.
Yes, I am in the unusual position of having two biological mothers, possible due to the bond between them and the technological wizardry of my personal physician, Dr. Jail Scaglietti. While it is unusual for a person to have two biological mothers, I would have it no other way, as the life I’ve enjoyed previously and enjoy now is largely due to my wonderful parents.
Both of my mothers are Puella Magi, and have been that for about two decades now. I am their only child, and I have been showered with love and caring and gifts by them both. In that regard, I have much to be thankful for. In that regard, I agree with my younger mother’s favorite saying, “Both miracles and magic exist”.
I still remember, as a young five year old girl on Christmas Day, becoming excited and delighted in opening up presents from each of my two parents. My older mother gave me a lovely blonde-haired doll. My younger mother gave me a sturdy and colorful toy soldier.
“A toy soldier?” my older mother asked with a playful touch of sarcasm in her voice, as she drank hot cocoa from a tea cup, “For a little five year old girl?”
“W-well I used to get them when I was Alice’s age, and I loved them! Ha ha ha…” My younger mother replied nervously while scratching the back of her head.
I loved both gifts, and I wanted to think of a clever way of conveying that to my parents. So I took the cone-shaped spear out of the toy soldier’s hand, and put it into the hand of my doll! Then I turned around, and held the doll up in both hands. I smiled widely while I showed off my “creation” to my two mothers.
“Ha!” laughed my younger mother, with a proud smile on her face, “She clearly likes the toy soldier’s weapon at least.”
“Liking a blonde doll in a dress holding a weapon… I think she might be taking after us one day” replied my older mother.
It would not be long before that was indeed my dream.
Growing up, as a child, my older mother would hold pleasant tea parties with me during the day, while my younger mother would tell me exciting bedtime stories about knights and princesses and dragons as I went to sleep. And both of my parents slowly but surely revealed the reality of magic, of magical girls, and of witches to me.
Classical music, piano playing, fantasy stories rooted in the culture of medieval and renaissance Europe, tea parties, long-flowing dresses, knights in shining armor, proud hunters saving Little Red Riding Hood from big nasty wolves… all of this surrounded me as a child. And much of it was reflected in the magical reality of my world. It was such a fantastical world! My parents implanted in my heart such romantic idealism. But they were nonetheless very practical people in other ways.
After much pleading from me for them to take me on one of their witch hunts, they finally agreed to do so, along with the aid of another Puella Magi who was a close family friend. This third Puella Magi ensured my protection while my mothers fought through a mesmerizing maze of a witch’s barrier. My young eyes were in complete awe as I looked about this dark but enchanting realm. But most awe-inspiring to me was seeing my mothers in battle!
There was such elegance, such grace, such tactical finesse, to how they defeated the witch and its familiars. Both of my parents summoned forth numerous weapons, using them to simply overwhelm the witch with a magnificently multifaceted attack.
“Wow…” I exclaimed after they destroyed the witch.
“Yeah, your parents did good, kid.” said the smiling and pocky-chewing Puella Magi kneeling beside me, with one arm protectively wrapped around my shoulder.
“Did you like what you saw, Alice?” asked my younger mother, as she walked over to me, and rubbed my head.
“Yes, yes, it was so cool!” I exclaimed.
Then my older mother walked back to me, and knelt down in front of me. She held out her hand to me, showing a dark black trinket of some sort.
“This is a Grief Seed.” she explained, “This is the primary means of Soul Gem cleansing. It’s very important for all Puella Magi.”
“Primary means?” I asked, “What other means is there?”
That question left my mothers blushing and chuckling a bit. Now, at the age of 16, I know the answer. I can understand why my mothers found it embarrassing to speak of.
At the age of 13, I expressed a desire to my mothers to become a Puella Magi! I wanted to be a cool, flashy hero like them!
“Being a Puella Magi is not fun and games you know” my older mother stated, “It’s very dangerous. Being a Puella Magi means putting your life in jeopardy on a frequent basis. ”
“Yeah” my younger mother stated in agreement, “There’s not really any need for you to…”
“But I want to be a strong hero like you both are!” I exclaimed in turn, “Witches and familiars hurt people, right? And you save them, like a knight in shining armor, and a strong hunter saving peasants. I think that’s great. Why can’t I be a hero like that?”
A strange mixture of pride and worry was on the faces of both of my mothers as I said that to them.
“Alice…” my younger mother said to me, “You’re still a bit young for making a decision like this.”
“You were only a year older than I am now when you became a Puella Magi.” I said in reply.
“Don’t talk back to…” my older mother began stating sternly.
“No, it’s fine” my younger mother replied, while smiling over to my older mother, “It’s a fair point that she’s making.”
My younger mother than turned her attention back to me.
“But Alice…” she continued, “The main reason I became a Puella Magi at that age is that I had a very specific wish that I wanted to make. A wish for someone I cared deeply about. Do you have a wish like that?”
Truthfully, I didn’t. And so I submitted to my mothers' desire for me to not become a Puella Magi. But that submission did not last for long.
I had one large doll, almost the exact same size as me, in my collection. She had long blonde hair, and wore a blue and white dress. I loved combing her hair and playing with her.
“Oh, if only you were a real girl.” I said, “Then I’d have someone who could be like a little sister to me. That would be very nice.”
“If that’s your wish, I’m able and willing to grant it” came the voice of Kyubey.
I knew a little bit about Kyubey due to vague memories of seeing him as a toddler, and also from what my mothers had told me about him. But this is the first time he ever addressed me like this!
I was hesitant at first, but when I thought of my most precious doll becoming my most precious sister… and when I thought of becoming a magical hero like my mothers… I couldn’t refuse this contract offer! I accepted it!
And then I turned into a Puella Magi!
My mothers were highly displeased with me at first. Not only for becoming a Puella Magi without first gaining their explicit approval, but also for creating new life where it wasn’t there before.
“But isn’t the creation of life one of the greatest of miracles?” I asked my youngest mother, “So given your love of miracles and magic, shouldn’t you love what I’ve accomplished here?”
My youngest mother simply sighed at that, and brought her palm to her face.
“She certainly has a way with words, doesn’t she?” my older mother asked wryly.
“She takes after you that way.” my younger mother replied with a touch of irritation in her voice, “Well, there’s no turning back now, so we might as well make the most of it. At least she’ll have us to help her adjust to being a Puella Magi.”
“That’s true.” my older mother replied, “It’s certainly more than I had.”
My first couple months as a Puella Magi were a blast! It was great fun! Due to the nature of my wish, I gained the power to create and manipulate life-like dolls. I could arm them with any weapon I could conceive of. I could also make many of them appear at once, just as both of my mothers made many of each of their preferred type of weapon appear at once.
But then a truly horrible event happened. It was an event not so horrible for its immediate outcome, but rather for its long-term one.
The Kaname Corporation was the wealthiest and most powerful company in all of Japan. It was founded by the clever and ambitious businesswoman Junko Kaname. Her brilliant and similarly ambitious son Tatsuya became its CEO at a very young age. When Junko Kaname fell into poor health, Tatsuya firmly took the reins of the Kaname Corporation.
One day, a violent dispute broke out between two Puella Magi. They recklessly allowed their combat to spread all the way to the head offices of the Kaname Corporation! The young Tatsuya personally tried to break up their conflict, only to lose his hair in magical flames in the process. Tatsuya had notably great, wavy hair, helping his celebrity status. Losing his hair, and seeing the head offices of his corporation suffer several millions of dollars of property damage, left him truly enraged.
There was a tragic falling out between Tatsuya and his older sister Madoka. He was incensed with her for never revealing the existence of these magical girls to him. The bald, brilliant, sharply dressed businessman now viewed Puella Magi as a terrible threat to humanity.
Sadly, it resulted in him pushing for the establishment of a Magical Girl Registration Act, which would force all magical girls to register with the government and work under their supervision as though they were soldiers. My mothers objected to this, largely for my sake, and brought their concerns directly to Tatsuya himself.
“Good evening, ladies” he said, while his personal secretary poured some sake for him and his two uninvited guests, “It’s always a pleasure to host friends of my sister, although there is something to be said about your flamboyant entrance.”
“Scheduling a meeting with the CEO of Kaname Corp is no easy matter” my older mother said with a grin.
“So we felt flying directly outside your office would be a quicker way to gain your attention” said my younger mother with a grin of her own.
“Well, you certainly have earned that then.” Tatsuya replied with a smile, before taking a seat behind his desk, and quickly gulping down a full glass of sake.
“I’m not sure you should drink alcohol that quickly, Tatsyua…” my younger mother stated with a touch of concern for her close friend’s brother.
“It calms the nerves.” he replied, “And given what I suspect you’re here to talk about, they do need calming…”
My mothers exchanged worried glances over that.
“I guess we might as well skip pleasantries then…” my older mother stated in a low and melancholic tone, “The Magical Girl Registration Act that you have pushed so hard for… you do know what it will mean for many of your sister’s friends, don’t you?”
“Many innocent people may pay an unjust price due to the reckless actions of just two Puella Magi” my younger mother added in.
“I believe there was a movie once where a wise alien said that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of a few.” Tatsuya said in reply, “Given that your own powers came from an advanced alien, perhaps it’s fitting for us to abide by this axiom.”
“That’s not fair” my younger mother protested, “Two out of control Puella Magi does not demonstrate a need for…”
“You dare speak to me of what’s fair?” Tatsuya sneered, interrupting her, “Is it fair that I am now bald for life due to some horrible hidden world that my own sister neglected to tell me about?!”
“We’re terribly sorry over what happened to you” my older mother expressed with sincere sympathy, “But two wrongs do not make a right, Tatsuya.”
“There is nothing wrong about maintaining the social harmony that our country prides itself on.” Tatsuya firmly stated in reply, rising out of his chair and walking towards my mothers, “There is nothing wrong about ensuring the safety and security of the Japanese people. And if forcing a relative handful into the service of the government is needed to ensure all of that, then so be it!”
My mothers were briefly taken aback by Tatsuya’s anger and confidence here. But they weren’t taken aback for long. My younger mother stood firmly towards and against him, making fiery eye contact with him.
“And who are you to make that decision?” she asked him, “You are not an Emperor. Nor are you a god.”
Tatsuya then made a decidedly icy stare towards my younger mother.
“Gods are selfish beings who fly around in frilly bright skirts and don’t share their power with mankind.” he replied, “I am no god. I am but a man who wants to protect people from gods.”
Shortly after, my two mothers turned away in disgust from Tatsuya. They felt very sad over what had become of him and the Kaname family.
Tatsuya carried much clout in the Diet due to the reach and power of the Kaname Corporation. His desired Magical Girl Registration Act seemed to be a foregone conclusion. To try to avoid me being conscripted as a government agent, my mothers and I moved, and assumed false identities to hide from the government. I was thankfully able to keep my given name, but I was given a false family name.
I hated this. I hated how my family, my dear mothers, were mistreated like this. And they were mistreated like this for being heroes! In my anger over this, I became much more withdrawn from the outside world. My existing friendships with non-Puella Magi did not last long, and I made a point to make as few friends as possible at the new school I was attending. The only people I would consider family or friends would be fellow Puella Magi.
And I hated having a fake name. If I must have a fake name, then it would be of my own choosing. My favorite video game had a lead character named “Margatroid”. So I now call myself… Alice Margatroid.
But then, a month after the MGRA was passed, my parents were found out and located, and my home was raided by a special ops team charged with bringing in rogue Puella Magi. My parents and I fought a hard battle to evade capture that day, but we lost our home. Thankfully, they and other “rogue” Puella Magi had prepared for this eventuality.
Many Puella Magi had pooled their magical powers and various forms of personal expertise, to create a mystical village located within a tightly guarded forest of magic. This place was called Gensokyo.
My parents and I had settled there only for a few weeks, before they had to leave for the outside world based on a message sent from Kaname Madoka. But now my parents have been gone for over a week, and so I grow worried. I ready myself, and I ready my doll army, for a journey into the outside world.
Just as I am about to pass through a magical gate to the outside world, I am approached by my oldest rival and my oldest friend.
“Alice, you weren’t going to leave without me, were ‘ya?!” she exclaimed with a wide grin contradicting her hurt tone of voice.
“Your mothers are still here, Marisa.” I reply to her, “So this is not something I want to cause you any trouble with.”
“Geez, girl, that’s no way to think of your best friend!” Marisa responded, “Friends have ta stick together through these kinds of situations!”
Then Marisa glomped me from behind, while sporting a wide toothy grin and a gregarious laugh. I sighed slightly, and I was annoyed at first… but soon I felt happy and relieved to know that I had a true friend I could count on here.
“Thank you, Marisa…” I replied to her, making a soft smile.
Marisa Kirisame is, like me, the biological daughter of two Puella Magi. Her mothers are Kyouko Sakura and Shokuhou Misaki.
And so with Marisa at my side, I, Alice Margatroid, will find my two mothers! I will save them if necessary. I will save Sayaka Miki and Mami Tomoe.
If you liked this story, please tell me. I may one day write “The Adventures of Puella Magi Alice Margatroid” if enough are interested. Also, thank you to Kogetsu for the great review.
And here, I think, is a fitting pic to end this all off with.
Last edited by Triple_R; 2013-05-17 at 22:53.
|2013-05-20, 21:00||Link #333|
Join Date: Feb 2012
damn that was sweet. and sad, with what happened to sayaka and mami(hope they're not being tortured and such).
and of course, id read a continuation if you want/can, cause id imagine the current arc is more priority than a side story.
I wonder, would you also make one for sayaka and homura/kyouko? since they didnt really have any children in their ending iirc.
oh yeah and is the doll she wished for life sentient? does it like have its own mind or is it just like her plenty of dolls she control.
|2013-05-25, 22:02||Link #334|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Sixteen days since the beginning of the Magica Wars saga and nine since Alice Margatroid... I've certainly done worse, but that's not exactly a quick turnaround from the story being posted to the story being reviewed. Sorry again for the delay as always, hope my habitual tardiness does nothing to take the wind out of your sails. >_<
So the long-awaited Magica Wars begins! It's been a long time since the last update of the Homura/Sayaka Alliance. The wait has been about as difficult as... hmm... since a primary plot point is the revised version of World War II, let's say that the year (plus) wait was more painful than someone living in 1940 waiting for World War II to end. The new opening image is much cooler in its new form; the character artwork was already great in the original version, but the newfound background adds many layers of quality to it. I love the steely determination in Sayaka's eyes, and it's very cool how Jinnai considers the Puella Magi so much weaker than him that he doesn't even care enough to guard himself. Succeeds in making him come across as very imposing. Did you enjoy writing this chapter largely from the third person? In the series I mentioned in a previous post, the main defining characteristic of one of the stories was that it was written in the first person. I was starting to sink into the early stages of burnout at this point (This was March and April 2009, I'd been writing for about 2.5 years and was 1200 pages deep into the story), but changing perspectives was a breath of fresh air and temporarily rejuvenated me a bit.
The opening scene was very well-written. You can tell that you're excited about this new story arc and that you're taking pride in what you're writing, just as you should. ^^ I enjoyed Jinnai's reaction to Kanata's concern. While his response was later proven to be not quite so magnaminous and warmhearted as I originally believed (I wonder if Jinnai would have been so caring if the person to express concern were a girl unattractive), I do get the impression that there's some genuine affection there and that he might have honestly been touched. Jinnai's a very good villain thus far. He's a very powerful and imposing man, as the opening artwork clearly demonstrates, and there's a smarmy, arrogant, high on life element to his character that is both humorously obnoxious and charming (the white towel wrapped around his waist was a nice touch). There's a significant amount of complexity as well, though; I found myself wondering whether Jinnai merely considered Kanata a cute girl he wanted to fuck or whether there was sincerely some affection there - and if so, how much of that affection could be attributed to the fact that Kanata catered to his narcissistic personality. And while Jinnai is of course the main attraction here far as the villains go, I have to say that you also did an excellent job at painting a picture with your initial description of Irisu. Minor type to point out, though - "Voice-Chancellor."
Jumping on along to the scene where Madoka and companions meet up with the Crimson Knights... I'm sure I stated this in 2012, but let me just reiterate how killer the idea of Kyouko leading an underground rebellion by the name of the Crimson Knights is. Very awesome premise and setting right there. The fact that the puella magis are in their schoolgirl contributes nicely to the atmosphere. It helps emphasize the fact that they are... well, "in over their head" isn't exactly right, there's not much that's too extreme for those who've fought Walpurgis Night along with some of your nightmarish witches... but they are out of their element amidst the cold, stern military world. Jinnai being loved by so many of the people he rules over is an interesting dynamic. This means that Madoka and the rest aren't going up "only" against Jinnai's forces, but that their resistance will have great civil repercussions and that even some of the more impassioned civilians might take up the fight against them. This plot thread has a lot of potential.
Whether that particular angle is pursued or not, though, it's a given that fighting against the eight governors of Soul Society will be a huge focus of the plot. I've always loved this sort of... compartmentalized, I suppose you could say, storyline. Like with Zelda games where you have to get the three/six/eight items before reaching the final dungeon, or needing to conquer the eight sanctuaries in Earthbound. I'm not comparing the quality of the writing, of course, as Zelda games aren't story-oriented and Earthbound is rather silly; I'm just commenting on the structure, which is one that's resonated with me very well since I was a child. I'm also very interested in seeing the selected characters placed into a darker context, as the villains of the story in this case.
Oh, and to reenact my response to the words "Setsuna Kiyoura"...
... especially since you're kind enough to grace us with a bonus feature, the Alice Margatroid Epilogue. <3 Whereas Magica Wars is much more cinematic in nature, Alice Margatroid is closer in spirit to a warm fairly tale; let's say The Velveteen Rabbit, given the shared plot points of a doll being given life. The warmth is enhanced a bit by the fact that the story takes place in the '80s; the 2080s rather than the 1980s, but somehow it's enough to give the setting an extra dose of nostalgia and familiarity just the same. The Christmas scene with Alice trying to pacify both Mami and Sayaka by placing the spear in the Barbie doll's grip was very sweet and clever thinking on her part, and I was very impressed with how it also served as foreshadowing for Alice's puella magi abilities. The Christmas scene would have felt perfectly organic and natural even without serving as foreshadowing for any future developments, but the fact that it does double as such is truly excellent, clever writing. Good work, Triple.
Hmm, so Mami and Sayaka cave in to Alice's demands to become a puella magi at age 13... Alice did make a very fair point in pointing out that she was only one year younger than Sayaka herself at the start (I found Mami's stern response rather too harsh, though I like the characterization of her being the stricter parent), and they're still approximately 1,000,000 times more protective than Nanoha's parents ever were. I'm very curious, by the way... Alice says that she's only seen Kyubey a few times in her life, back when she was a toddler. Did Sayaka and Mami purposefully try to keep Alice away from Kyubey? The few times Alice did share the same room with him, was it because of some kind of emergency or special circumstances that required his presence?
Wow, Tatsuya's turned into a real dickbag. >_< It was a nice touch the way that Mami fell into old habits, trying to mother Tatsuya by warning him that drinking alcohol so badly is a poor idea, but unfortunately this isn't the same sweet three year old Mami was introduced to. Tatsuya has a point, but not a strong enough to truly stir any of my sympathies. Gensokyo is a lovely setting, though, and a great note to end the story on... I've never played the Touhou series, but a forest protected by magic is such a warm and inviting setting that it's inspired me to check the series out at some point.
|2013-06-20, 18:41||Link #335|
Unlimited Flag Works!
Alright Triple R. I'm here to finally give you the review on the updates I've missed. Sorry it's late, I have no excuse since I promised you I'd do one a month ago. Regardless if you're still welling to accept a review from me or not, I'm going to do it since I love this thread and the work you've done on here, and I do keep my promises.
Anyway, I got back home from work and just opened up ClarLive on my Itunes. I'm not confident with my words and this review may be crappy, but I'll let you or your readers be the just and Dwarven Vow #32: Cross the stone bridge after you've tested it.
Spoiler for Madoka Arts Established:
Okay now on to the Touhou review...
As for this one, I'm not that knowledgeable in the Touhou universe but I'll do the best I can.
Spoiler for Star Colored Magica Sky:
Spoiler for Pros:
Spoiler for Cons:
Phew! I'm done and finally caught up. Can't wait for whatever update you have in store. So for now it's time to let my fingers rest. Excellent work as always, so until then dude, until then!
|2013-06-21, 20:25||Link #336|
I want to thank Kogetsu, Dr. Casey, and Clarami for their excellent reviews.
Writing this fanfic has largely been a joy, and the responses it has received over time is one of the main reasons why.
However, I've decided to put this fanfic project on hiatus. Shortly after I had begun writing this fanfic about a year and a half ago, I had hoped it would eventually be turned into a VN. To his credit, Kimidori successfully adapted the first five chapters of the fanfic into a VN format, but it's been a very long time since we've had more VN of this. It doesn't appear that we can get much more of this adapted into VN format.
While I've largely enjoyed writing this, I don't know if it's worth the time and effort to continue with it if it's never adapted into a VN.
It's not impossible that I will pick this project back up at some point, but it likely won't be anytime soon.
Big thanks to everybody who ever read and reviewed parts of this fanfic, and especially big thanks to those who have followed it from beginning till now.
|2013-08-06, 22:14||Link #337|
Due primarily to RL issues, I haven't done any fanfic writing in awhile. For this reason, I've felt a bit rusty, and not up to delving back into Magica Wars.
However, I did have an idea for a short extension off of a previous PPPL ending. And given what I recently read in Madoka Magica ~The Different Story~, I felt that writing this would be quite cathartic for me.
It's an extension off of the ending here. Specifically, its an extension off of what I like to call "The GunBlade end" AKA a MamiSaya end. So it's in the same continuity as the earlier Touhou-based story is in.
This particular extension takes place about three months after Mami and Sayaka become girlfriends. I hope that PPPL readers, and fans of these two characters, enjoy.
Given how long its been since I've wrote any fanfic material, I welcome any and all constructive criticism here. I'd love to know what people think of this brief bit of writing.
Clear Blue Skies
This witch battle was proving increasingly difficult. This witch had a giant green main body, shaped like an enormous fluffy one-person sofa. Out of that main body sprung a vast array of thorny vines. The total effect was that it towered over Sayaka and me as we fought against it. Given its plant-like appearance and enormity, fighting it left me feeling as though I was fighting Mother Nature herself.
After a few minutes of an intense stalemate, Sayaka desperately dashed downwards into the witch’s main body, making intense two-handed thrusts into it with her sword. Though a decidedly risky move, I can’t truly fault Sayaka for it. This witch had a tendency to regenerate itself, especially its extraneous portions and vines. My muskets proved largely ineffective against it, as did Sayaka throwing blades at it.
Sayaka’s zealous attack had left the witch screaming, and with a strange purple-colored substance squiring out of its main body, appearing like a mixture of blood and vinegar, while carrying an awful stench. But while Sayaka’s attack had met with us finally making headway in the fight with the witch, it also left Sayaka vulnerable to a counterattack. The witch’s vines recoiled, and they were then used to ensnare Sayaka!
Sayaka’s body soon became enwrapped by several thorny vines, and cuts began appearing all over her body! I was deeply distressed and horrified at the sight. With some shame, I must admit that I briefly froze in terror, my sweat now producing more bullets than my muskets.
“…Ma-Mami!” Sayaka had shouted out to me, “Shoot it! Shoot these vines off of me, please!”
I then took up my musket and aimed it towards the vines ensnaring Sayaka. As I took the position of a hunter aiming at the target, it became apparent to me that it would be exceedingly difficult for me to hit the vines without also hitting and harming Sayaka. Sweat continued to glisten on my brow…
“W-what are you waiting for?!” Sayaka exclaimed in desperate query, as her attempts to rip the vines off of her with her gloved hands was proving ineffectual.
In the heat of the moment, and upon hearing the frenzied cries for aid coming from my dearest friend and lover, I felt very unsure of myself and uncertain of what to do. I couldn’t quickly conceive of any way to defeat this witch that wouldn’t also imperil Sayaka!
Sayaka then gestured one arm upwards while magically conjuring forth a sword in the air immediately above her. Sayaka took hold of the hilt of that sword, and started hacking away at the vines that were ensnaring her. I breathed a sigh of relief as this seemed to be working. But it didn’t work for long as one vine struck Sayaka’s hand, causing her to drop her newly conjured sword.
That sword dropped to the ground below, about one hundred feet from me. Before Sayaka could conjure forth another sword, the vines simply overwhelmed her. Both of her wrists were held tight as though in handcuffs, and her mouth had been covered! Sayaka made some muffled noises of horror and struggle as I could hear her crying due to the pressure being applied to her.
Seeing this was too much for me. First with mouth opened in terror, but then with teeth clenched in impassioned resoluteness, I raced forward to gather up Sayaka’s fallen sword! During this race, I dodged the witch’s vine attacks, making a final tumbling roll before grabbing hold of Sayaka’s blade. With blood pumping, and adrenaline flowing, I then torpedoed upward, my emotions riding as high as they ever have!
With a large battle cry, I sliced through one of two vines that I had to dispatch in order to free Sayaka! Unfortunately, I found the second vine hard to cut, and I struggled against it.
The muffled noises coming from Sayaka became increasingly loud, as I think that she was worried about my well-being given the position I was now in. But I could not stop! I had to free her!
Quite thankfully, I freed her just in time to avoid myself getting impaled through the chest by a particularly sharp-ended vine. Sayaka collapsed to the ground, still with many vines all about her, while I landed next to her on my feet, like a cat. The vines remaining on Sayaka were now dead, so Sayaka was easily able to remove them from around her, and from around her mouth.
Sayaka breathed deeply to recapture her breath, while I stared at the roaring witch, enraged over the damage that had been done to it. I conjured forth several golden strands to hold it in place.
“Tiro… Tiro Finale…” Sayaka said breathlessly, while leaning over her sword and coming to her feet.
“Yes, you’re probably right.” I replied.
Keeping with Sayaka’s suggestion, I used my finishing maneuver to finally end this horrific witch struggle. The witch’s barrier dissipated, and a grief seed fell, just as Sayaka had fully composed herself.
“Are you alright?” I asked Sayaka, in a formal tone to try to hide how deeply distraught her temporary plight had made me.
“Am I alright?” Sayaka asked rhetorically, and incredulously, “Mami… what were you thinking in there?!”
Sayaka rushed over to me, and took hold of my shoulders, as she asked me that question.
“What do you mean?” I asked in turn, “The witch is defeated. We now have a Grief Seed to share. …There is no need for further alarm is there?”
Admittedly, I was playing coy here. I suspected what Sayaka was alarmed by, but I simply didn’t want to deal with it. It was not a conversation that I desired to have with her.
“…Do you know how much you scared me in there?” Sayaka asked, her cheeks flustered and her eyes a bit watery.
“…Can we save this discussion until we get back to my home, at least?” I asked, while my eyes looked downwards and away from Sayaka’s penetrating eyes that never failed to carry such penetrating emotion…
“… Ok, fine.” Sayaka said after sighing and calming down a bit, “I guess it really isn’t the sort of thing to talk about publically anyway.”
Sayaka and I then transformed back into civilian attire, specifically into our student uniforms. We then walked back to my apartment, side-by-side. During the walk home, I felt Sayaka reach out her hand towards mine, and then grab my hand firmly. I smiled at her while she did so, as the gesture was romantic. But there was a worrisome intensity to the hold, foreshadowing the argument to come…
After we arrived at my home, I placed the Grief Seed on the transparent triangular table in the lounging area, while Sayaka shut the door behind us.
“I’ll get some tea for us.” I said, “I think that we both need some refreshments after an unusually difficult witch fight.”
Sayaka said nothing to that, but went along with it. She took her usual place at my table, and I soon joined her, bringing a teapot and two teacups with me. I poured out some tea for both of us.
“There’s a scar-wound on the back of your hand.” Sayaka said, “Let me heal it.”
“Ok.” I replied, just noticing the scar myself, “Just a second.”
Sayaka tenderly took hold of my scarred hand. While holding her Soul Gem in her other hand, she used magic to fully heal the wound on my hand.
“Mami, do you remember what caused this wound?” Sayaka asked.
“I honestly don’t recall being struck there, but it must have been caused by the witch, of course. I guess in the heat of the moment I never noticed it.” I answered.
“How could you not feel that?” Sayaka asked.
“Why are you fussing over it?” I asked, becoming slightly irritated by Sayaka’s line of questioning, “It’s nothing compared to the abuse that you took upon yourself.”
“I use swords, and I can regenerate due to my healing abilities.” Sayaka said, “So I can take certain risks that you shouldn’t be taking. Speaking of those risks…”
“Why don’t you just thank me for saving your life?” I ask in a stern tone, while closing my eyes and raising an eyebrow, “Don’t you think that would be the appropriate thing to do here, Sayaka?”
Sayaka’s facial appearance softened given my statement. It also fed into her tendency towards self-loathing. I hated using that against her, but I was in no mood to have my actions questioned. Not given what the alternative would have been…
“…I know I was pretty useless out there today.” Sayaka said, with a deep tone of shame, “I’m sorry about that. But…”
“You weren’t useless.” I said softly, after sipping some of my tea, “You were the first one to manage to damage that witch. You also made the right suggestion in the end. The suggestion for me to use Tiro Finale.”
“…Why don’t you use that more often, Mami?” Sayaka asked.
“It consumes a lot of magical energy.” I answered, “So I prefer to use it as a last resort.”
“Well, given how long I was just held up in the air there, ensnared by all those awful vines…” Sayaka stated.
“You’re wondering why I never used Tiro Finale then, or at least why I never tried to use my muskets to free you.” I replied, determining that I might as well address this 800 pound elephant in the room.
“Well, yeah…” Sayaka confirmed.
“I wasn’t confident that I could do either without hurting you.” I said, with a light touch of added emotion in my voice, “And I wasn’t willing to take that risk.”
“But you were willing to risk getting in dangerously close to that witch while using a sword?!” Sayaka asked in amazement.
“It was the only way I could think of to free you, Sayaka…” I said, while my facial expression betrayed how worried about her I had become.
There was a tender moment of understanding, where Sayaka and I made eye contact, and she could feel what I had felt. But it was a fleeting moment, as Sayaka’s own concerns soon renewed their hold in her mind.
“From our Puella Magi training together…” Sayaka began in reply, “We both know that I’m much better with swords than you are, just like you are much better with guns and muskets than I am. You have better aim, but I have greater arm-strength. And that showed today. You took a really reckless risk in that witch fight, Mami! I was so scared over what could happen to you!”
I deeply sighed, and tears came to my eyes.
“So what was I supposed to do, Sayaka?” I asked, my voice growing louder, through a disorienting mixture of anger, frustration, and love, “Was I supposed to just watch you get squeezed to death by those vines?!”
It was at this point that I put my teacup down in frustration, stood up, and walked away from Sayaka. I folded my arms, betraying how I wanted to be held right now.
Sayaka quickly rose, and walked up behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” she said, “I said too much. But still… please don’t endanger yourself again like that! The thought of losing you like that…”
“And how do you think I feel about the thought of losing you?” I asked, as I turned my head sideways, to make eye contact with her.
“That doesn’t mean I want you taking major risks just for my sake, Mami!” Sayaka exclaimed in reply.
“This is a morbid topic I don’t enjoy raising, but given how we risk our lives as Puella Magi, it is one that can’t be avoided…” I say in a low tone, “If I was to die in battle with a witch, I would still have gained more life thanks to the wish I had made. I would have ended up no worse than what I would have otherwise. I could rest easily knowing what I had accomplished in life, including wonderful times I have spent with you.”
“Ma-Mami!” Sayaka stated in alarm.
“Don’t get me wrong…” I replied, “I know such a thing would be very hard on you, which is why I wish to keep living, not just for my own sake, but for yours as well. But if you ever lose me, Sayaka, at least you still have two caring, loving parents, and dear childhood friends. But if I was to lose you…”
After voicing those words… those wickedly wretched words… I couldn’t help but to start crying.
“You’re all I have, Sayaka…” I said, becoming uncharacteristically chocked up, and allowing my emotions to flow freely, “You’re all that I have!”
I think my words had moved Sayaka to the point of concession. I then felt her lovingly wrap one arm around my waist from behind me, while she nestled her head next to mine. She also lightly caressed my left arm with her left hand.
“I understand.” Sayaka said soothingly to me, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have become upset with you. I can see why you did what you did. But please… please try to avoid taking risks like that in the future. I’ll do my best to ensure that you don’t have to.”
I then turned about as Sayaka’s hold loosened. Our emotions had been laid bare, and had been frayed around the edges. It was time for comfort… and love.
I wrapped my arms around Sayaka, while she did the same towards me. I leaned my head slightly upwards, at a slight angle, while parting my lips. We then kissed, as I delighted in her sweet sporty scent and dreamily soothing hold.
“I love you…” Sayaka said to me, stroking my face with one hand, after our kiss ended at last, “I promise you that you will never lose me, Mami.”
“I promise you the same…” I replied in turn, as her eyes and I were both now watery, “I love you to!”
I was deeply relieved that our argument met with a good resolution; that resolution being our recommitting ourselves to one another. Sayaka and I held each other in this comforting embrace, after having been girlfriends for three months now. But I hope that those three months can become something permanent in my life. Something that I can always cherish…
Last edited by Triple_R; 2013-08-13 at 18:47. Reason: Slight editing fixes.
|2013-08-10, 13:32||Link #338|
Giant Doughnuts for All!
Sorry about the lateness of my response. As a result I have two epilogue things to respond to... for the same ending, amusingly enough.
I suppose I'll handle these in chronological order, rather than the order they were posted in. It'd probably make more sense that way, to be honest.
Spoiler for Mami/Sayaka chapter:
Spoiler for Puella Magi Alice Magica:
So yeah, two excellent "side story" chapters. And more to the point, it's great to see you writing again.
|2013-08-14, 00:55||Link #339|
Join Date: Nov 2007
Time for a nice (relative) breather between the two opening chapters of Magica Wars~
I completely agree with the final sentence of Kogetsu's review of Golden Sunsets, Clear Blue Skies; if your writing skills were contaminated by rust, this must be the fastest healing rust I've ever seen - if anything, I think this chapter's writing was a tad more crisp than normal. The witch battle featured in this chapter was a great one, a battle that was not only exciting but very well fleshed-out; I enjoyed the length and the back-and-forth nature of their skirmish, with both sides gaining the advantage multiple times. I think it's saying something that this is one of the milder original witch designs that you've created for this series. Oh well, Madoka and the rest are tough girls. I'm sure they don't mind fighting against the horrific, nightmare-inducing witches you've created for them these past 20 months. Right, Sayaka and Mami?
But yes, once again, a great fight. My favorite individual line was the one about Mami's brow producing more bullets than her musket, if I had to pick one.
It seems that neither Sayaka nor Mami enjoyed the fight as much as your readership, though. The fight between them was a very realistic one, to the point where it struck a bit of an uncomfortable nerve because it reminds me of some fights of my own I've had in the past (which tend to escalate and become ugly fast because, having grown up around some rather abrasive and domineering personalities, I quickly lose my head if I think someone's going to treat me unfairly or attempt to verbally decimate me; I try to avoid that by kowtowing to everyone and generally taking the path of least resistance so that fights don't arise in the first place), but uncomfortably strong emotional impact is always a good success for a writer, certainly a much better response than no emotional impact. A part that especially resonated with me was
Oh yeah, and... "I folded my arms, betraying how I want to be held right now." was adorable. I don't think I've ever wanted to cuddle Mami as much as I did then.
Question about an excerpt from this chapter. You wrote "Sayaka's penetrating eyes that never failed to carry such penetrating emotion." That's an interesting description of her; do you think her eyes had that kind of penetrating emotion in the anime, or is this more just Mami's rose-colored opinion of her? If the former, are Sayaka's eyes your favorite out of all the puella magi? Just curious.
One small typo you missed:
|2013-08-14, 18:33||Link #340|
Kogetsu and Dr. Casey - Thanks a lot for the two wonderful reviews. Kogetsu, I'm glad you picked up on the comic book references I used for the Touhou bit. Dr. Casey, the way you wrote Sayaka and Mami commenting on how they've handled PPPL was quite amusing.
Now, to address a few questions...
And yes, I would say that Sayaka's eyes are my favorite out of all the Puella Magi, lol.
Finally, thanks for the typo correction.