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Old 2013-07-08, 20:21   Link #3841
Knowledgeseeker01
Wishes to Understand
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Smile

I updated my story, "Of Science and Magics: The Side Stories" a little while back, and it slipped my mind to mention it here. Anyway, here is a link to Chapter 14 for the story, and I hope you will read and enjoy it.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7771256/...e-Side-Stories
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Old 2013-07-08, 20:24   Link #3842
Ihaxlikenoob
Nine Lives Blade Works
 
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 20
Hmm, whuzz this!? Your here too?

So many revelations are happening to me today!!
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Old 2013-07-08, 20:37   Link #3843
dniv
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: AZ
Quote:
Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88 View Post
Aaaaaaaaaaaand it's posted!

A Certain World of Darkness - Chapter 11

Hope you all enjoy a look into the minds of Sakurai and the others.

Your chapter was smoking this time. I liked the background info. It was well done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilidsor View Post
Well ask and you shall receive. Behold the power of a day off to write.

I was planning on doing several hours in a chapter but doing just one hour took a little over 3.5k words so I decided to just do one chapter an hour. Hopefully it goes well.
I like the start to this. I seem to feel like you appreciate Touma X Itsuwa
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Old 2013-07-08, 20:42   Link #3844
Ilidsor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ihaxlikenoob View Post
Hah? So you're Icefriend? Didn't know lol.
Yeah I made that back when I didn't really have a standard internet username, and just wanted to post my (very very poorly written) first lemon. It came down to about three: Icefriend, Icoret and Ilidsor, before Ilidsor won out.

Quote:
I updated my story, "Of Science and Magics: The Side Stories" a little while back, and it slipped my mind to mention it here. Anyway, here is a link to Chapter 14 for the story, and I hope you will read and enjoy it.
I only read the first few chapters of this (I enjoyed them iirc) but I just have to ask how long your going to write a side story to a dead fanfic. Maybe by this point you should try and take over his or make your own entirely new fic? Not trying to be rude here just wondering.

Quote:
I like the start to this. I seem to feel like you appreciate Touma X Itsuwa
Yeah Touma/Itsuwa is a favorite of mine. Itsuwa won't be the center point of this fic though. It's going to have Touma interacting with a ton of love interests in keeping with the spirit of the fic.
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Old 2013-07-08, 23:45   Link #3845
SmokinFerret88
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Join Date: May 2013
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Ilidsor, I must say, I'm digging Touma's Busy Day. I'm curious as to where you got the idea about Edward's spell from since, while easy to get rid of thanks to IB, it has its benefits as seen in that chapter.

Quote:
Your chapter was smoking this time. I liked the background info. It was well done.
Glad you enjoyed it, though most people are highly against the ORDER exclusive chapter. Hopefully the fight scenes in the coming chapter will brighten them up a bit. In fact, sadly enough, I've already finished the first portion of Mugino and Kurou's fight; which will be continued in the chapter following this one.

I'm looking forward to Chouka's fight now, since she's the brawler of ORDER given what her ability is. Combine that with the banter her and Frenda are gonna have throughout it and you have a awesome anime-style cat-fight.
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Old 2013-07-09, 00:26   Link #3846
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
I still think the main culprit for the complaints is that the chapter is bleeding violet writing all over. The actual content in itself isn't so bad. Purple prose should be more focused on subjects which require the reader to emotionally invest due to how you want to drive the point home. On that note much of the chapter became tiring to read due to the need of such a large investment
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Old 2013-07-09, 00:44   Link #3847
SmokinFerret88
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
Yeah, I've been getting a lot of that and I understand what I need to be doing here. I really do, but I just have a hard time keeping myself from doing just that. I just write whatever really comes to mind when it hits me, so instictively I tend to just ramble on about things that are not essential when I should be more worried about progression of the plot rather than filling the chapter with useless drabble. But, again, I just can't help it and end up writing more than I need to.

This chapter, hopefully, will amend that to a degree. I'm trying to fix what I've been doing since this is how I've always written. Stuck in my old ways and all that jazz is mainly my problem. The fight-scenes, though, are going to be descriptive because I like for people to visualize what I'm trying to portray and I've been told I'm good at doing that.

That and this is the first time I've ever written an arc. purely on my own with no foundations to work on. Personally, I view the ORDER arc. as my test dummy as a means to improve my future arcs. in this story; and so far I've learned a good amount of things that I need to work on for future content. I think what my biggest problem with this arc though is that ORDER is spread out in two different areas. If they were all at the communications center, then I wouldn't have that many problems. That, however, isn't the case here; hence why many people feel like not much is going on.

In my eyes, they all have the right and the ammo necessary to complain about; and I hope that in the future arcs. I can amend that with what I learned through this one.
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Old 2013-07-09, 01:00   Link #3848
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
This indictes for me that you are well attatched to those concepts. Just keep in mind that not everything important to you is important to the plot. If your drabble is some form of theme or foreshadowing for the whole chapter then it should be okay. But you do this for every scene change and Chouka's fight which was supposed to be highspeed kind of died out in hype at the wordiness.

Just sayin' you should analyze those maybe
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Old 2013-07-09, 01:05   Link #3849
SmokinFerret88
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
I appreciate the honesty here DH, just as I appreciate the honesty that the reviewers make in their own statements.

Hopefully, I won't leave people feeling disappointed in the next chapter...though I still need to work on Mugino's combat abilities since it's a little too repetitive for my liking.
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Old 2013-07-09, 01:13   Link #3850
Ihaxlikenoob
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Age: 20
Scream and beam spam all day, 'erry day.
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Old 2013-07-09, 01:22   Link #3851
SmokinFerret88
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Join Date: May 2013
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lol, that sounds about right.
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Old 2013-07-09, 04:32   Link #3852
MeisterBabylon
~ Ping For Effect ~
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Age: 28
Like a deranged Nanoha.
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Old 2013-07-09, 04:47   Link #3853
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
When was nanoha the picture of practical beam spam? Specially when given "clearance"
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Old 2013-07-09, 05:03   Link #3854
MeisterBabylon
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
When was nanoha the picture of practical beam spam? Specially when given "clearance"
When she was called White Devil, and every fight she has gotten into before.

But the standards have changed, what was beamspam then is now mere justified firepower.
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Old 2013-07-09, 05:09   Link #3855
demino_hellsin
That one guy
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
What class of power would the ability to overlap multiple versions of oneself(think The One ) be? Saint class or regular magician?
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Old 2013-07-09, 08:37   Link #3856
MeisterBabylon
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Age: 28
I don't see the point, as we have no proof that The One principle even applies to Toaru. Even entangling quantum particle parallels have no discernable impact on the energy state of another particle, apart from allowing 1 particle to influence the other particle no matter where it is in the universe.
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Old 2013-07-09, 08:48   Link #3857
demino_hellsin
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Hmmm... maybe couple it with idol theory? near perfect replica, at least physically.
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Old 2013-07-09, 13:03   Link #3858
Ilidsor
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Canada
Quote:
Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88 View Post
Ilidsor, I must say, I'm digging Touma's Busy Day. I'm curious as to where you got the idea about Edward's spell from since, while easy to get rid of thanks to IB, it has its benefits as seen in that chapter.
Thanks, glad to hear it . I got the idea of Edward's spell while reading The Dresden Files (a really good urban fantasy series) where True Names have power, and although it isn't a really big aspect of the series it stuck with me. Granted Edward's spell is really nothing like the way names have been used in The Dresden Files (atm at least) but that's where the idea of using names in a spell came from.

By the way I read your most recent chapter and it was good but I had to put it down a few times because of all the really heavy prose. Overall I love the story, I just can't read some parts of it in one sitting.
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Old 2013-07-09, 19:08   Link #3859
Doc Astaroth
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilidsor View Post
Thanks, glad to hear it . I got the idea of Edward's spell while reading The Dresden Files (a really good urban fantasy series) where True Names have power, and although it isn't a really big aspect of the series it stuck with me. Granted Edward's spell is really nothing like the way names have been used in The Dresden Files (atm at least) but that's where the idea of using names in a spell came from.

By the way I read your most recent chapter and it was good but I had to put it down a few times because of all the really heavy prose. Overall I love the story, I just can't read some parts of it in one sitting.
I knew it!

Another interesting source for using True Names would Skulduggery Pleasant, that has a similar feeling to Dresden Files.

I really enjoy your writing style! Can't wait for the next chapter.
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Old 2013-07-09, 21:50   Link #3860
FallenHero
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Join Date: May 2012
I found something surprising (for me) while looking for good Index fanfiction to read. Someone put a small part of something I wrote into their story. I honestly feel flattered that someone thought my writing was good enough to be used in their story.

Has this happened to anyone else?
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