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Old 2013-10-16, 21:58   Link #5541
demino_hellsin
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Join Date: Nov 2011
As much as I trust Omega's opinion. I can't put full faith in asking about whether a character is in-character when pretty much all his writing is crack

Also I felt like there was still something missing there.
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:28   Link #5542
SmokinFerret88
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: The darkest corner with the best view...
Understandable, though not discrediting omega in the slightest.

Mugino's my area of expertise; I don't know how but I am.

Anyways, what felt missing; was it the scene in general or just something in the dialog that felt off to you?
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:31   Link #5543
demino_hellsin
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I think I was still being sparse with the swearing. The general menace her dialogue had also seemed lacking. The ending was a sort of kill switch moment for me. Not sure if it was good application of smile of death or not.
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:32   Link #5544
omega253
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
As much as I trust Omega's opinion. I can't put full faith in asking about whether a character is in-character when pretty much all his writing is crack

Also I felt like there was still something missing there.
Oi! Not all of my writing is crack!

Just most of it.

If you want crack, check if Kyon is lurking around and leaving behind a crack trail.

Although, no hard feelings. I can understand your reasoning, considering the previous snips I've written.

But I do have a serious story in the middle of writing (literally, I'm taking a break from typing while I was going through the forum) and I think it's coming along a bit better than I thought it would go.

On that note, I might have To Ascend Chapter 14 posted up on Thursday instead of Friday/Saturday, but I can't make any promises...
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:40   Link #5545
SmokinFerret88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
I think I was still being sparse with the swearing. The general menace her dialogue had also seemed lacking. The ending was a sort of kill switch moment for me. Not sure if it was good application of smile of death or not.
Hmm, I'll give it another look over once I get some things settled. Prep-work for the next arc. is still in progress so I need to get my character's in order. Rest assured, though, you'll get some feedback from me in a little bit.

Now then, Omega...



we need to talk about that shy Mugino bit...
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:45   Link #5546
omega253
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I'll be more than glad to work out our differing opinions~!

Besides, she's only acting that way whenever Touma's involved. Any other time, Mugino's still her usual self.

That is, abrasive and ready to kill.
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:49   Link #5547
SmokinFerret88
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Fair enough.

Given what your story is based on, it's not that far-fetched and thus within the range of my tolerance.

Had it been in any other story though....
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Old 2013-10-16, 22:56   Link #5548
demino_hellsin
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what's more compelling? Touma with memories having to save otohime or Touma without memories having to save otohime?
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:03   Link #5549
SmokinFerret88
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I'd say...without memories. My reasoning behind that is because it could possibly reestablish the bond which he and her had prior to his memory loss. I could be wrong on this, but from what I understand the two were relatively close.

We all know that Touma would have done it regardless of relation. But this is something his mind, body, and whatever remains of the old Touma in his heart are screaming at him to not fail.

It's something he could never forgive himself for should he be unable to do so; making it that much heart-gripping when it seems like that bad result may just happen.
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:06   Link #5550
omega253
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Good to know about that, Comrade Ferret.

In fact, she'll be ready to blast Touma's head off every time she sees him in another story I'm planning after To Ascend is finished.

Basic idea of the story: same OP!Touma, different past than the one in To Ascend.

Upon awakening, his power accidentally killed his parents and his superstitious relatives didn't want to take him on account of the misfortune. Thus, a lonely traumatized seven-year-old wanders through the world with enough power to tear the universe apart...

Along the way, Touma finds himself in the Magic Side and decides to see if there's anybody that could match him in power. After a brutal warpath of destruction by a psychologically disturbed Kamijou, the Magic Side is in shambles while the most prominent magicians watching the reality distorting showdown between the Magic God Othinus (who succeeded at the risky creation of Gungnir) and Kamijou Touma.

Depressingly for Kamijou, he wins again and just walks away while leaving everybody horrified at his power. Othinus, however, is intrigued. Even after a brutal ass-kicking, she wants to know how 'that crazy Kamijou bastard' got that strength.

So, she goes into hiding to recover her strength and restart her schemes.

Meanwhile, Touma sneaks into Academy City (you could say his age could be around... 13? 14?) and convinces Aleister to let him stay. During his occupation, he proceeds to meet all of the Level 5's and piss all of them off.

Except Gunha. They're kind of like bros, considering Sogiita and Touma's personalities and questionable sanity.

Cut to time of canon. (Also the first chapter of what this fic would be)

Kamijou goes out to his balcony and finds...

Othinus.

....

Damn, that sounds kind of weird now that I type it out...

What do you guys think?

@demino_hellsin:

Have Touma keep his memories. It'll make him all the more determined to protect his family.
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:30   Link #5551
Ilidsor
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Anything that leads to Touma/Othinus is more than okay with me.
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:32   Link #5552
omega253
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Quote:
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Anything that leads to Touma/Othinus is more than okay with me.
I forgot to mention that part. Touma/Othinus was exactly the pairing I was going for...
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:36   Link #5553
demino_hellsin
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London Touma or make canon movie type story. I can imagine it now

To aru majutsu no index: movie: angel birth

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Old 2013-10-16, 23:49   Link #5554
the one above all
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Quote:
Originally Posted by omega253 View Post
I forgot to mention that part. Touma/Othinus was exactly the pairing I was going for...
So what pairing are you going for in To Ascend or is it gonna be a harem fic. Just read the latest chapter of a Certain World of Darkness. I liked how there was a comparison between how touma and uhiara help people. Do you plan on having a member of judgement or anti skill getting involved in the dark side of academy city.
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Old 2013-10-16, 23:54   Link #5555
omega253
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Originally Posted by the one above all View Post
So what pairing are you going for in To Ascend or is it gonna be a harem fic
Kind of just the same as canon.

A ton of ship-tease, really.

To Ascend is my first real story and I don't think I have the skill to make a fic involving a solid pairing at the moment.

Maybe later on, but not now...
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Old 2013-10-17, 00:05   Link #5556
the one above all
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That makes sense also @demino_hellsin i think Touma should keep his memories since it will give you a chance to explore or create a certain type of bond between touma and his family.
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Old 2013-10-17, 03:19   Link #5557
demino_hellsin
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Did Kanzaki ever show an aversion to airplanes?
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Old 2013-10-17, 05:24   Link #5558
agetreme
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Wouldn't a Touma who kept his memory be cynical? I mean, with that much bad things happening in your life (due to his bad luck), it is kind of hard to keep a positive attitude...

Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
Did Kanzaki ever show an aversion to airplanes?
Why do you think she has aversion to airplane?
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Old 2013-10-17, 05:43   Link #5559
demino_hellsin
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apparently most magicians including Kanzaki aren't very fond of flying due to a certain famous spell. Letting science do all the flying for her as well as taking her sword away for the duration of the flight would well
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Old 2013-10-17, 08:32   Link #5560
Hiss13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post
apparently most magicians including Kanzaki aren't very fond of flying due to a certain famous spell. Letting science do all the flying for her as well as taking her sword away for the duration of the flight would well
I thought that spell only shot down anyone who was using magical means of flight.
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