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Old 2006-03-15, 03:10   Link #1
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fl
Exclamation Please Read and Comment !

Hey guys, sorry to ask for opinions like this but i figured you could all be objective judges.

I'm working on a personal writing project, and I believe that unbiased opinions from people that don't really have an attachment to you are very important...( in other words, I can't really trust my friends to read it and give me good criticism).

I only have a few pages so far, so it will give me an Idea if I'm going in the right direction or not. I will try to post short excerpts every few hours or so and I will number them to keep track of it.

thanks a lot guys, looking forward to hearing what you think...

Seek.

.....Well it got relocated as fan creation... odd since it's not really related to anime or manga, that's why i put it on the general chat.. but oh well, as long as it's out there i guess.
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Old 2006-03-15, 03:12   Link #2
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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==>1

ROUGH DRAFT
V. 1.0 From Earlier Versions.
Copyright 2/9/2006


Though vaguely aware of the sun on the back of his neck, and the mass of voices surrounding him as he crosses every square of cement, his eyes look only down to his feet. Baby steps, nice and slow, and breathing deeply as you count every single one of them. Let that burning recede from the back of your throat. That overpowering heat that makes that of his neck, a nice shade of red by now, insignificant. That burning that comes with the taste of blood. Not from his bleeding lip; the blood there has long since dried. This taste comes from inside, from the blood that rises. The blood that heats him up from the inside out so that fire could almost be seen as he speaks. The one that chokes him as he tries to talk, or scream. This is the blood that has a voice and it asks for blood of its own.
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Old 2006-03-15, 03:13   Link #3
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
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==>2

How long has it been like this? Months, no; itís been at least a year now, hasnít it. Theyíre not looking to bully anyone anymore. They just want to see him burn, and of course bleed. How many freshmen kids have you stopped from getting their faces beat in at the cost of your own. The prospect of drawing some blood out of some ego-filled brain-dead jock isnít without some reward of its own. But itís been too long, itís getting tiring. Sometimes you just need to look out for yourself.
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Old 2006-03-15, 03:14   Link #4
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fl
==>3

School has somehow lost its interest. Thereís no point in going anymore if you are just going to spend the first five minutes of every class wishing it was over, and zoning out the rest of the time. Then why go? Friends? Arenít they just one more thing to hate about school now? It feels like their whiny, self-centered conversation makes them as bad as everyone else. Social life is hard to have when you constantly exchange fists with the people every other idiot idolizes. Work is pointless, and home has somehow started to look more like a prison. Then whatís the point? Whatís the point of livingÖ
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Old 2006-03-15, 10:51   Link #5
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fl
==>4

Before this last thought had finished settling itself and making sense inside his head, a sudden, blinking glare awakes his eyes from their subtle sleep. The blocks of concrete now gone, replaced by the black, rough surface of the road. As his eyes race ahead, still dazed, the sound of screeching tires and a blasting horn mix together in the air. His eyes now meet the face behind the wheel; his expression of fear, more amusing that anything else, alert him how he does not feel any fear of his own. His skin can now feel the heat of the sun reflecting off of the hood. An odd peace sets on his heart as he closes his eyes and gets ready to stop feeling, to stop living, to never open his eyes again.
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Old 2006-03-15, 10:52   Link #6
SeekAndDestroy
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Fl
==>5

The chill surrounding my body is now gone. Thereís warmth everywhere. It takes me a long time to open my eyes; only doing so after coming to the conclusion that I wasnít dead. I wanted to sleep, to feel nothing, but I now find myself glad to open my eyes again. Somehow I feel at ease. My eyes open to find a sky so blue it hurts my eyes. Everythingís foreign, the sky, the ground, the trees; none of it feels right. The breeze surrounding me is warm and sweet and strange. A voice seems to come in at me from everywhere, itís a whisper that I canít understand; now Iím starting to loose it. As I sit there wondering if I really am not dead the whisper turns into a scream, my body shakes and before I know it, Iím out again.
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Old 2006-03-15, 13:01   Link #7
Aya-chan
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Sweden
Age: 22
I like it!Itīs good !
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