Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Anyone have advice for getting your writing mojo back when you're recovering from a cold? I've been sick with a pretty persistent bug now for about two weeks, and I'm starting to get better, but my plotbunnies stay cheerfully just out of reach munching on fresh green grass.

Erm... can't help you there. I do some of my best writing when I'm sick, since I feel too lousy to do anything but sit in bed and come up with ideas.

On that note, I'll probably have a new chapter of Infinity up by the weekend if this scratchy feeling in my throat that's been there since this morning and is steadily getting worse has anything to say about it.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Moczo

Erm... can't help you there. I do some of my best writing when I'm sick, since I feel too lousy to do anything but sit in bed and come up with ideas.

The only fic idea I ever successfully finished in one writing session was Shadow while I was sick. The rest of the time, when I'm sick I'm just feeling way too distracted to actually sit down and write.

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Anyone have advice for getting your writing mojo back when you're recovering from a cold? I've been sick with a pretty persistent bug now for about two weeks, and I'm starting to get better, but my plotbunnies stay cheerfully just out of reach munching on fresh green grass.

Actually, I've been dealing with a nasty cold ever since 6 p.m. Saturday night and it's been killing my ability to pick up and start any new writing projects. Heck, I can barely keep up with my correspondence and forum postings. Actually, I'm considerably behind on my correspondence/reviews/review replies, as spawn, deathcurse, Mozco and Fuyu no Sora can all testify. (Come to think of it, I also still owe you a review on Into the Rain 3 *headdesk*) Er, I watched all of Taisho Baseball Girls, so that's sort of a success?

Anyway, other stuff.

@AtomicoX: Damn, this is starting to read like one of the good Clock Tower games. With no other cues available, lets follow the middle door and see what's making the creepy sound, so...um, I think that's B. Hope it doesn't end with Arisa not having enough information/equipment to confront what's there... *nervous*

@Kaijo:

Spoiler for Wall of text with insufficient paragraph breaks:

Speaking of people whom I haven't been reviewing for properly, man, you really are cranking these chapters out. 26 did feel like considerable filler (honestly, the whole Tournament Arc felt like filler; something plot-important may have been accomplished there, but it really felt like a side trip. Possibly this has less to do with what was actually done in-story but because of the fact that Tournament Arcs always feel like filler because they always eat at least twice as many episodes as their value in plot exposition is worth, cf. Negima!), but the fight itself was pretty awesome (if anything, this fic is teaching me that you do better magical fight scenes than anyone writing Nanoha fanfiction not named Mozco), and Victoria's guest appearance was funny (and her interactions with her daughter hilarious). 27 was the best of the three with a good blend of action and suspense. 28 felt more like a "breather" episode; with all these scenes of the good guys planning their attacks I can only imagine how horribly everything they're wishing for is about to go wrong. The revelation that Hayate is scary powerful is somewhat underwhelming since the Dark Lord is always scary powerful, even if there's a whole troop of Men and Cyborgs Behind the Men involved here. And the Fate scene with the kids on the farm...I don't know what to say here. I mean, it's obviously supposed to be a case where, coming face-to-face with Nanoha/Seikou has reawakened some of the old Fate T. Harlaown, so now she's been presented with a moral crisis right in the gut meant to either widen that crack open or make her slam it shut and confirm her alleigance to the Dark Side depending on what she chooses. The fact that it's oh-so-convenient that she meets up with something exactly designed to provoke that response is all right because she was sent there so this was obviously supposed to work that way, but I find that the scene kind of cliched anyway. I know part of the point here is that Nanoha/Seikou is functioning as an agent for change in a universe where the moral compass was sliding consistently into the sewer before her arrival, so there's a thematic reason why Fate never asked these questions before, but even so...yeah.

Oh, and to answer your question, I think of Nanoha/Seikou as Nanoha, with a little buzzing voice in the back of my head reminding me at any time that some nastiness could go off in her head and make her do something evil. So it's not that at any time I'm not aware that she's not the "real" Nanoha, but she hasn't established a non-Nanoha separate identity in my mind.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

The only fic idea I ever successfully finished in one writing session was Shadow while I was sick. The rest of the time, when I'm sick I'm just feeling way too distracted to actually sit down and write.

Heh, it helps that I'm a natural daydreamer. I basically do nothing but sit and come up with ideas when left to my own devices; it's pesky things like work and non-fanfiction hobbies that kill my inspiration. Once I have nothing to do but sit in bed, I just think.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Actually, I've been dealing with a nasty cold ever since 6 p.m. Saturday night and it's been killing my ability to pick up and start any new writing projects. Heck, I can barely keep up with my correspondence and forum postings. Actually, I'm considerably behind on my correspondence/reviews/review replies, as spawn, deathcurse, Mozco and Fuyu no Sora can all testify. (Come to think of it, I also still owe you a review on Into the Rain 3 *headdesk*) Er, I watched all of Taisho Baseball Girls, so that's sort of a success?

You say that like you need an excuse to be behind on reviews.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I actually have 28 and 29 done, and I usually try to space release 5 days apart or so, to lessen the gap between the more... difficult chapters. But I suppose I can toss this out now, since i"m making good progress on chapter 30, and I just might be able to keep up the pace until I'm done... hopefully.

Future Tense

Chapter 28: The Calm Before

In which Nanoha runs into quite a few people she knows, and Fate makes a discovery that leaves her conflicted...

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 28: The Calm Before:

was undecided on teh subject. (the)

variety of glowing plants (are the plants actually giving off light or did you mean 'growing'?)

so why ould he be (would)

"Rio tossed a fearsome (remove the ")

take down the Bureau single-handily (handedly)

Bureau's AAA and S-ranked Ace's (Aces)

the dozen or saw high-ranked (or so)

I don't need to keep reminding you to check the quote for corrections, do I?

Well, the title is apt all right as it's a rather low key chapter. Though how they all got to Mid Childa was a bit... too convienient. I mean, Nanoha had to go through so much to get back, when instead she could have just gone back to where Vivio was and teleported back there. For that matter, would it really go unnoticed by the Bureau? Surely they could detect such a magical reaction, or pick up on the teleportation signal or something.

And the reveal at the end was sudden on the 'complete ass pull' level. Though I admit it could be because Layla was such a minor character where her looks and age as said in previous chapters didn't register as important information. I sure don't remember anything about her save for her teleport ability.

As to your question, from day one I've always called her 'Clonoha', so she's not either But yeah, Seikou is just an alias she uses rather than her actual identity.

[The Guy Named Zeo]

Originally Posted by AtomicoX

Waddya know I managed to find a net café. Which means I can post Choice B!

Spoiler for Roadside Manor Part 3:

Arisa decided to ignore it. She didn’t even want to touch such a menacing box. She let the curtains hang slacked and searched the desk cabinet next to the bed. The first drawer didn’t have anything in it. Neither did the second. When she pulled out the third, she felt something in it, hitting the back compartment as she pulled the drawer.

She peeked inside. A silver revolver lay there, and a single bullet rolled restlessly beside it. She picked it up, her hand shaking from something so alien and powerful. She had never handled such a weapon before, because of the mass weaponry ban. But that didn't matter right now. It was a weapon and it might come in handy. To hell with regulations!

She took up the bullet and loaded it into the revolver. As the cylinder clicked back into place, something banged on the door behind her.

“Sir Night?” Arisa asked. She wasn’t given a reply.

With the revolver in her right hand, she approached the door and slowly took a hold of the handle. She pushed it down and opened the door.

Something lashed out at her almost immediately. She shrieked at the ‘thing’ that had done it and fell backwards, onto the bed. The black box flew off, bouncing across the floor. The ‘thing’ advanced fast on her while whispering into her mind.

“Weeeeee... saaaaaaaave...”

Arisa didn’t have any of it and pulled the trigger on the revolver, praying it would actually work. To her surprise, it did. A loud bang rang out in the mansion. The recoil caused the revolver to fly out of her hand, slightly bruising her wrist, but her aim had hold true. The forehead of the ‘thing’ opened like a flower and it fell to the floor. Blood formed a pool on the floor from the open scalp.

Arisa breathed in short bursts from the adrenaline and slid down on the floor. She tried to calm herself down from what she had just done. The ‘thing’ lay lifeless in the door and she didn’t want to approach it. It was silent and dead and that suited her.

She got up on her feet, making sure she didn’t accidentally glance at the corpse. It was too horrible. A bookcase was on the other side of the room and she approached it for no specific reason while shaking violently. She just wanted to get away from that corpse.

She let a finger trawl over the books, reading the backs of them. Most were in Latin, but one of them was in English. She stopped and looked at it oddly. It was the only book with an English title. ‘A Story from Ages Past’ it read. Shrugging, she took it out of the bookcase. Anyhting to take her mind of the 'thing'.

Something began to whine as the book was taken out. She dropped the book in surprise and it opened on the floor. Its pages were empty, blank. But the bookcase now started moving and Arisa backed away. Her heart rate sped up again and the distant crying came closer.

Nothing jumped out at her from behind the bookcase and she peered inside the darkness. A staircase of stone hid inside, leading upwards. She could feel a cold breeze on her cheek, as if something had opened further up.

She tossed a glance back at the corpse, regretting doing so, and stepped inside. The bookcase didn’t close behind her and she took the first step upwards, along the dark and cold staircase.

***

By Arisa’s judgement she had walked ten meters in a steep angle. The mansion hadn’t looked this big from the outside, but judging from the sheer angle of the staircase, she might be on the third floor already. As if to confirm this theory, she came upon a door that let a thin line of light through from the other side.

“Sir Night?” she called out again, but now she felt stupid. She knew something wasn’t right and yet she continued. The cry was still there, distant but familiar. She wanted to find out what the hell it was.

She pushed the door gently and it swung around silently on its hinges. The room looked like a lab as a desk with weird flasks and instruments came into view. It looked harmless and she stepped through the door.

The door suddenly slammed shut behind her and she jumped because of it. Her heart threatened to burst through her chest again and she froze for a brief moment, waiting for something terrifying to happen.

It didn’t, but the way she had come was blocked. Not knowing what else to do she approached the desk with the flasks. A recording device lay next to them. Intrigued by it, she pushed Play on it.

“I have tried everything,” the voice on the recording said. It sounded frustrated. Arisa recognized it as Sir Night, from the phone call she had made. So, at least he was still alive and wasn’t a ghost wandering the mansion. “The substances doesn’t work. It needs something more... but what! I showed Anna what I had done, but she only shook her head and screamed at me. That useless idiot! The only thing she was good at was cleaning and fucking! At least I found some use for her now... Didn’t I, Anna?”

The recording ended and more questions popped into Arisa’s head. What had Sir Night done to Anna? What had he used the substances for? Poor girl...

She didn’t want to remain a second more within the lab and headed for the door. At least that wasn’t locked. She opened it and stepped out into a weird, large chamber with three doors to choose from. High up on the walls, similar windows to the ones in the entrance hall let darkness shine inside. If darkness could shine, but that was what it looked like to Arisa. The room itself was empty.

She approached the door to the right and listened. She didn’t hear anything. She ventured over to the left and confirmed the same. When she got to the middle she could hear that distant cry again. It wanted her to open the door and venture forth.

Arisa wasn’t sure what door to take.

A: Right
B: Left
C: Middle

I'm getting Amnesia: The Dark Descent vibes coming from this so that makes me go with C the middle door.

[NorthernFallout]

@Deso: You said middle door before saying B, so going with that, since C is actually middle. Blame me for weird letter designations.

Choice C has been chosen. The Middle Door. Wish her good luck.

Spoiler for Roadside Manor Part 4:

She shook her head and tensed up. She opened the middle door, from where the cry was originating. A small chamber revealed itself with a spiral staircase in the middle and three more doors to choose from. But they were all open, showing their contents and as far as Arisa could see, nothing dangerous awaited her within them.

She looked up, her eyes gliding along the spiral staircase until she saw the dome of glass high up in the ceiling. There was a platform there too, to which the staircase lead. She decided she might check it out after the other rooms were done.

First she went to the room on her left. Poking her head inside, she could see it was a study. Perhaps Sir Night’s study. She went inside.

Dust hang there, too, in the air. The place had been untouched for days as far as she could see. Books lay strewn out on the floor and on the two tables that littered the room. She flipped the pages in one. More Latin. More text she couldn’t understand. But there was a note beside one of them. She picked it up and saw it was written in English.

I can move on now. I found the solution to my problem. I just need another test subject. Anna proved to be splendid, but she didn’t last for long. Her evolution stopped just half-way. Damn it all! God is working against me! Do you hear me, God? Are you laughing at me? You bastard. I will overcome you! I will rise beyond your understanding!

If this was Night’s writing, Arisa could now decide once and for all that the man who had offered her the job wasn’t sane. From his writing she thought he might even be dangerous. She cursed herself for dropping the revolver. Maybe she could find more bullets later on, but they would be useless now.

She flung away the note and noticed a flashlight in a half-opened desk drawer.

“This might come in handy,” she mumbled to herself and picked it up. She tested it and a bright light shot out. “Working too.”

She put the small flashlight in her pocket and left the room, heading straight for the one on the other side.

It was the only one without working lights she noted. It was dark inside and she retrieved the flashlight. She lit it and let the beam fly over the objects inside the room. Nothing out of the ordinary there either. It just had a few boxes inside. That only left one more-

She heard something bang against the door from the laboratory. A heavy bang, throwing dust around from the old wooden door. A human couldn’t hit that hard. A human wouldn’t make an alien cry either. It echoed through the chamber and she froze, the flashlight still beaming. Her heart raced and sweat broke out over her back again. She didn’t know what to do. She was scared and lost. What the hell should she do?

A: Move forwards, into the middle door. Perhaps she can outrun it.
B: Hide in the room, wait for the ‘thing’ to pass.
C: Confront it. Maybe it’s scared of the light.

[WarpObscura]

GentlemensDame883 has been on a bit of a roll these few days. There's a TVTropes page for MD now.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

@Kaijo:

Spoiler for Wall of text with insufficient paragraph breaks:

Speaking of people whom I haven't been reviewing for properly, man, you really are cranking these chapters out. 26 did feel like considerable filler (honestly, the whole Tournament Arc felt like filler; something plot-important may have been accomplished there, but it really felt like a side trip. Possibly this has less to do with what was actually done in-story but because of the fact that Tournament Arcs always feel like filler because they always eat at least twice as many episodes as their value in plot exposition is worth, cf. Negima!), but the fight itself was pretty awesome (if anything, this fic is teaching me that you do better magical fight scenes than anyone writing Nanoha fanfiction not named Mozco), and Victoria's guest appearance was funny (and her interactions with her daughter hilarious). 27 was the best of the three with a good blend of action and suspense. 28 felt more like a "breather" episode; with all these scenes of the good guys planning their attacks I can only imagine how horribly everything they're wishing for is about to go wrong. The revelation that Hayate is scary powerful is somewhat underwhelming since the Dark Lord is always scary powerful, even if there's a whole troop of Men and Cyborgs Behind the Men involved here. And the Fate scene with the kids on the farm...I don't know what to say here. I mean, it's obviously supposed to be a case where, coming face-to-face with Nanoha/Seikou has reawakened some of the old Fate T. Harlaown, so now she's been presented with a moral crisis right in the gut meant to either widen that crack open or make her slam it shut and confirm her alleigance to the Dark Side depending on what she chooses. The fact that it's oh-so-convenient that she meets up with something exactly designed to provoke that response is all right because she was sent there so this was obviously supposed to work that way, but I find that the scene kind of cliched anyway. I know part of the point here is that Nanoha/Seikou is functioning as an agent for change in a universe where the moral compass was sliding consistently into the sewer before her arrival, so there's a thematic reason why Fate never asked these questions before, but even so...yeah.

Oh, and to answer your question, I think of Nanoha/Seikou as Nanoha, with a little buzzing voice in the back of my head reminding me at any time that some nastiness could go off in her head and make her do something evil. So it's not that at any time I'm not aware that she's not the "real" Nanoha, but she hasn't established a non-Nanoha separate identity in my mind.

First off, hope you feel better soon, and don't worry too much about falling behind on reviews. As a writer, it's helpful to know how I'm doing on hints and such, and whether I need to add more or less (and on some of these, I keep thinking if I add one more, everyone will figure it out, heh). Thanks for the praise on fight scenes, though. I've actually done so much of Nanoha fighting this fic, that sometimes it's hard coming up with something a bit different for the next fight, and it's often the fights that are holding me up at times. Hopefully, with the mix of fights I have coming up, that pressure should be relieved a bit.

Regarding Fate and her situation... it certainly is one way of looking at it, to see what she got herself into. But then again, from another point of view, maybe it was a bit inevitable; after all, how many people on Mid-Childa do you think have issues with the Bureau? How many draft dodgers were there during the Vietnam war? If it wasn't this family, she'd probably run into one eventually that had issues with the Bureau, or run into some mages on the run or hiding.

And I've always found it interesting how someone with good intentions can slowly let themselves slide, never really asking those questions, or trying to rationalize them away. Once you get into the mode of "sacrifices are necessary" it can be a pretty slippery slope. The Bureau has always employed child soldiers, so there is certainly already a certain ethical underpinning right now (and if Lindy is any indication, none of them see anything wrong with this).

As far as filler goes, I suppose I can't really help that. I suppose I could have made it a bit neater and shorter, but it might have come across as too convenient, too. Honestly, I get criticisms when I draw things out a bit with "filler" and when I speed things up making things seem a bit too easy and convenient. ;p

But thanks for your comments!

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

I don't need to keep reminding you to check the quote for corrections, do I?

Well, the title is apt all right as it's a rather low key chapter. Though how they all got to Mid Childa was a bit... too convienient. I mean, Nanoha had to go through so much to get back, when instead she could have just gone back to where Vivio was and teleported back there. For that matter, would it really go unnoticed by the Bureau? Surely they could detect such a magical reaction, or pick up on the teleportation signal or something.

Nanoha actually wanted to go to Lutecia to get teleported to Mid-Childa, but she couldn't because Jalacia was under an Enforcer Blockade since they were searching for her. Once she made it evident she was no longer there, the Enforcers had no reason to continue their search. Thus, anyone else could come and go as they wanted to the continent.

In short, Reality Ensues.

Isis met up with Togu and Rose as they all fled the Bureau attack, and kinda stuck together, especially when they all learned they wanted revenge on the Bureau. It might be a bit convenient, but then again, I'd have to add more to this fic and drag out a bit longer to get everything, heh (I had planned to mention that Togu had met Laguna before, during a training jaunt on Jalacia, and Laguna knows where Lutecia lives; it just never came up).

You bring up a fair point with the teleportation issue, which I debated including some lines, and then decided I could possibly do it next chapter if it was an issue. But remember, the magic detectors are the sentinel drones (That was why Lutecia could only give Nanoha a short teleport assist on her way to Vivio). As long as they aren't nearby (and you can bet they'd have some people on lookout), they'd be able to teleport things in. I could add some technobabble as to how they are masking the signal in background noise or something, which is what I had initially debated, but ultimately left out.

And the reveal at the end was sudden on the 'complete ass pull' level. Though I admit it could be because Layla was such a minor character where her looks and age as said in previous chapters didn't register as important information. I sure don't remember anything about her save for her teleport ability.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not giving enough information, heh. I thought the fact that she used teleport and support magic (she even does a short "boost up" chant spell), would be enough clues. People probably don't pay attention to physical descriptions much, but I mentioned her red hair a few times.

But this is good info for me, since more so than any other fic, I have quite a few mysteries going on here, and varying degrees of hints. I don't want to make things too obvious or spell things out, but I don't want to make things so subtle and obscure that no one sees it. I suppose it depends on reader, though. (and I do have a few things that are a bit subtle). It's a difficult line to walk, because I keep feeling that if I say even one more hint, or make a connection between things, I'll reveal the whole thing before it's time.

As a way of making up, I'll give a couple of hints. Don't read unless you want to (although they are technically things I've already shown, I'm just pointing them out again).

Spoiler for hints:

Go back to chapter 16 and re-read Nanoha's second dream sequence, based on what you know now. Also, something that may or may not be related somehow, but you could go back and read Fate's short conversation in chapter 24.

Lastly, thanks everyone for your responses to the question, whether her or via IMs. It helps me see what I've presented, vs. what readers actually take out of it.

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

I actually have 28 and 29 done, and I usually try to space release 5 days apart or so, to lessen the gap between the more... difficult chapters. But I suppose I can toss this out now, since i"m making good progress on chapter 30, and I just might be able to keep up the pace until I'm done... hopefully.

Future Tense

Chapter 28: The Calm Before

In which Nanoha runs into quite a few people she knows, and Fate makes a discovery that leaves her conflicted...

Previous chapters can be found here.

Spoiler for Future Tense, Chapter 28: The Calm Before:

MGLN: Future Tense
Chapter 28: The Calm Before

Xx~~*~~xX

"Are you two sure you don't wanna come with us?" Sein partially teased. "It's gonna be fun!"

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Duo countered, raising an eyebrow, and then pulled out her sidearm, offering it to the cyborg. "At least take a weapon; you're gonna need it, going into that death trap."

Sein smiled and shook her head. "Don't need it. The Saint will protect us, and you've seen Seikou's magic. You're gonna need it more than we do."

Duo rolled her eyes. "Hokey religions and mystical powers are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid. But best of luck to you anyway."

"Your boat leaves at midnight tonight," Choonie explained, handing the piece of paper to Nanoha. "We managed to get you smuggled aboard by the criminal underground here, and they'll take care of us, too, until we can make our way back to Supools, or another planet."

"Thank you both, for everything," Nanoha offered, shaking the pairs' hands.

That was the scene ten hours ago at Valrosa, one of the most developed towns on the tropical southern continent of Mid-Childa, a coastal city that served as a gateway of commerce and vacation travel plans. Or at least it used to, many years before. During their stay there, Nanoha couldn't help but note that the city must have seen better days. Cargo ships still made regular runs, and the odd rich family still passed on through on their way to more quaint locations on the continent, but it was several times smaller in magnitude than it had seen in it's heydays. However, it was there that they parted with two of their company, who had been their companions the past several days as they snuck across the continent's jungle, dodging patrols and search parties.

After the uneventful trip across the ocean, they had abandoned the cargo ship shortly before it hit port, swimming through the water to come ashore elsewhere since the Bureau checked every vessel religiously. Currently, they were now drying their clothes by a fire.

"It's a good thing they gave us extra outfits in a waterproof case, too," Sein remarked, hugging her body while staring into the flames, the light casting shadows against the trees in the darkness surrounding them.

"They thought of everything," Nanoha agreed from the other side.

Sein grinned. "They have to; they wouldn't last this long against the law if they didn't."

Nanoha allowed herself a smile, conceding the point. "I suppose you're right. Still, we lost quite a bit of time getting here. By my calculations, we have about a week-and-a-half to start the invasion on Clanagan. Vivio said she'd be here at that time, with Einhart, Ix, and the Mariages, but I have no idea how we'll get in contact with them."

The cyborg nun shrugged. "We will, somehow. If we at least make it into the Clanagan ghetto and assimilate with the population, I'm sure we'll pick up a lead-"

She paused and met Nanoha's knowing eyes as a very audible twig snapped in the distance, but not that far away, either. It could be just another traveler, or a wild animal, but it could also be a Bureau patrol. If so, their standard agreed upon escape tactic was for Sein to dive them both underground and come up somewhere else.

"Seikou!" a small form exclaimed, bursting from the foliage and running straight for the woman.

The brunette stared. "Givo!?"

"Nanoha," Teana stated calmly, stepping out after him.

The cyborg's eyes bugged. "Teana?"

The gun mage realized who she was looking at. "Sein!?"

Nanoha's gaze flitted upwards. "Rio! And Corona! And... who's this?"

"Layla," the red-haired woman offered with a small smile and a nod.

"And now that we're all acquainted," Rio declared with a grin, cracking her knuckles. "How do you feel about some payback?"

x~~*~~x

"Miss Rai! Miss Rai! Dinner is about ready!"

Fate paused and looked up as a little girl with long blonde locks came bounding through the fields. Unable to help herself, she smiled, placing her farming implement blade down and resting her arms on the other end of the long, wooden shaft. Marin was Jari's youngest daughter, only 7 years old, but full of spirit.

"Do you need some help?" she asked, somewhat out-of-breath, yet eyes shining with determination.

"No, I'm fine, but thanks!" Fate offered, reaching down to pat the girl's head. "I was just finishing up with this section. I'll be along shortly. Did you see if your older sister needs your help?"

"I already set the table, but she won't let me help much with the food," Marin pouted. Despite her age, she seemed to want to do whatever she could to help, even if it was supposed to be beyond her abilities.

Fate glanced over the half-finished field of tall switch grass. "Well, I can always finish this up tomorrow; why don't we head back together?"

When the little girl nodded an enthusiastic affirmative, Fate carefully slung the farming tool over her right shoulder and then took the girl's hand with her left, before starting off in the direction of the farmhouse. The sun had set awhile ago, and was nearly two-thirds sunken behind the mountains in the distance, but the golden hue it gave the waves of grass was nearly breathtaking. It was a simple scene, and yet Fate wondered how long it had been since she had seen such a sight.

Jari was waiting for them on the porch, smoking his customary pipe. "You handle that scythe like a natural. You sure you haven't ever farmed before?"

Fate let Marin go, the little girl quickly running back into the house, and then shook her head as she glanced at the wood and metal scythe in her hands. "No. But I had... someone, once, who taught me to use it." Her mind briefly drifted back to Linith and a simpler time, but just as quickly, Fate brought her mind back to the present.

"Well, in any case, I'm glad to have you stay, even if it's for awhile," he noted, referencing the fact that Fate had lengthened her stay from just a night, to several days. "We haven't been able to fully utilize all our fields since Jenna left."

"But you shouldn't really need to, since your wife's work in the Bureau as a mage should mean you receive a monthly stipend," Fate stated, laying the tool carefully against the side of the house. "Is there some issue with it?"

He shook his head. "The money is fine, and is partially why I didn't want to accept yours. But I'm a farmer, and so was my wife; it's in our blood, and that's how we prefer to live. Ever since the Bureau came for her shortly after Marin was born, I try to believe she's doing some good out there, like the Bureau says, but it does make life a bit harder on the farm."

"Sacrifices sometimes have to be made for the greater good," Fate offered sympathetically. "Mages can cause a lot of damage if left on their own, and so need to be carefully regulated. The Bureau gives them an outlet for positive gain."

"Perhaps," he replied in a tone that hinted he might not fully agree, or at least was undecided on teh subject. "I just wish my daughters could see their mother more than once every few years. Anyway, let's go inside and eat before Tarish yells at us."

[Was this what you wanted me to see, Nanoha?] Fate wondered as she sat down and ate with the family, watching them joke and laugh with each other. [I don't see anything wrong. Life is a bit hard, but then that's the same for everyone. Despite that, the Welnoz family seems to be doing well.]

The more she thought about it, the more she found herself swinging back towards her earlier convictions. Putting that thought aside, she could admit that the current situation was doing much to relax her body and ease her mind. It was a simple life that helped her leave her troubles far behind, and thus when she bade the family goodnight and went to the guest room, she felt she would get another good night's sleep.

However, it was not quite to be, as shortly after she blew out the candlelight and climbed into bed, a tapping came at the window. Curious, Fate parted the curtains and came face-to-face with a grinning face.

"Marin, what are you doing here?" Fate asked after opening the window.

The little girl quickly put a finger to her lips. "Shh! I just wanna show you something. Come with me!"

Intrigued, Fate found herself nodding. "Alright, I'll meet you by the front door-"

"No, daddy and Tarish will see you," Marin countered, which only made Fate even more curious. "Come out through the window!"

Fate did as she was told after slipping her clothes back on, and the little girl quickly took Fate's hand and pulled her along. [What could this be about?] Fate wondered, as the pair entered the forest and walked along a path only Marin could see.

Eventually, they reached a small cave, and Marin paused before entering. "Don't tell anyone what you're about to see, okay? Pleeeaasse?"

"Alright, I promise," Fate replied, her curious imagination trying to figure out exactly what was going on.

She found out quickly enough, after a short trip through the cave; there, in the center of a small cavern lit by moonlight streaming in through a hole in the ceiling, was a small garden, incredibly well-maintained. The variety of glowing plants were impressive, all of them belonging to a class of flower Fate recognized as moon blossoms; a type of plant that thrived on the lesser glow of moonlight. Several of them were even beginning to bear fruit.

"Did you do all this?" she inquired, to which the small gardener nodded with pride. The blood of a farmer really did run in the blood of the Welnoz family, Fate realized. "I'm impressed. But why do you want me to keep this a secret?"

Her face dropped as she twiddled her index fingers together. "Daddy doesn't want me doing this, but I can't help it. I've always wanted a small garden of my own."

"He's a farmer, so why ould he be against you growing your own garden?" Fate asked, confused.

The little girl fidgeted slightly, then glanced up at the older woman, before reaching out with her hand towards the garden. To Fate's astonishment, Marin's hand glowed green and one of the closed buds grew slightly, and then blossomed open. The Enforcer Commander's mind analyzed it and spit out an answer almost immediately: plant magic. The ability to sync with the vegetation of a planet and make it respond to you.

"Daddy says if anyone finds out, they'll take me away," Marin stated sadly, then looked up earnestly. "But these plants are my friends. I talk to them, and they talk to me."

"I'm sure your father just wants what is best for you, even if he's not entirely sure what that is," Fate found herself saying, her mouth feeling a bit dry for some reason.

"Maybe," Marin admitted, then brightened a bit. "So that's why I wanted to show you, because I can't show daddy or Tarish!"

Fate understood; her father forbade it, and the sister would most likely tell the father, as would anyone else in town. But that meant that Fate had now just been put in an awkward position. Anyone who knew of an unlicensed mage was supposed to do their civic duty and report it. It was the law; all mages above the age of five must register and train with the Bureau. That went doubly so for Fate, being a Bureau Enforcer; it was part of their own specific duties to bring in mages.

While the conflict continued to play out in her head, the two returned back outside, heading down the path to the house. However, they were stopped shortly before exiting the forest by a stern-faced teenager.

"Marin, what are you doing?" Tarish admonished, hands on hips. "You're supposed to be in bed!"

The younger sister recoiled slightly. "I'm sorry, I just-"

"She was just showing me a nice place to watch the sunrise tomorrow," Fate quickly offered, then smiled. "It makes for a nice moon-viewing place, too."

Marin glanced up at Fate and smiled, to which the older woman gently squeezed her hand.

"Be that as it may, you're supposed to be in bed, so get going," Tarish continued, eyeing the two. "You also know Father's rules about being in the forest at night."

"Alright," the younger sister whimpered slightly in defeat, letting go of Fate's hand and quickly running away towards the house.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't have let anything happen-" Fate started to say.

"You saw, didn't you?" Tarish questioned, leveling an accusing eye at the older woman.

Fate considered hiding it, but somehow felt she couldn't. "Yes. If you let the Bureau train her, she could learn to control her magic so she doesn't inadvertently harm those around her."

"She'll also end up like mom, drafted into the Bureau's army and we'll hardly ever see her again!" Tarish shot back. "I don't know how the Bureau can live with itself, using child soldiers."

"It always has-" Fate started to say.

"And perhaps that was okay, when it wasn't forced conscription and they didn't send them off to war zones," Tarish countered quickly, then shook her head. "Look, she doesn't know that I know about that garden, and so far I've been keeping it a secret from Father, because she enjoys it." Despite her shorter stature, the 17-year-old strode up to Fate and pointed a threatening finger. "And now that she's shown you, if anything happens to her, I will hold you personally responsible."

"I wouldn't let any harm befall her," Fate stated carefully and honestly. If Tarish caught anything in Fate's voice, she didn't let it show.

"Alright," she replied after a moment, her tone neutral. "But I will do anything to protect her, got it?"

"I understand," Fate replied.

x~~*~~x

"You've been busy," Nanoha noted, her voice tinged with awe as they walked through the corridors; all around them, technicians were repairing and refurbishing sections and equipment, while other rebels trained in the larger rooms.

"Shortly after we parted, and I dragged Rio out of her slump," Corona started to say, getting an elbow from the named companion.

"More like I dragged you off a Bureau ship," Rio muttered.

"More like you brought down the entire ship after sneaking aboard," Corona retorted, then sighed and continued. "Anyway, we started to gather up those that survived the attack on our old base to rebuild the resistance unit, and then relocated here. "

"It's an old, abandoned research center that used to belong to a company my family owned, Caledfwlch Techniques," Rio clarified. "We keep the surface looking like it is, a bunch of ruined buildings in disrepair overgrown with weeds, while we spruced up the lower levels underground. It's only a matter of time before a patrol looks a little too closely at this place and discovers us, but hopefully, that won't happen before we're ready."

"So, you really found everyone?" Layla asked anxiously. "Did the rest of the people from my group who escaped, make their way here?"

Corona nodded. "They, along with some other new recruits, are helping in the lower levels."

The woman could barely contain her excitement while she grabbed the young boy's hand. "Come on, Givo, let's go! I'm sure they'll all want to see us, too!"

"Wait!" he called helplessly, as he was dragged around a corner.

Sein chuckled, then turned serious. "Still, I don't know what I'm more surprised at; that you were traveling with Teana, or that she voluntarily turned herself over to your custody. She seems serious, at least. Can you really trust her?"

"We don't know, but we're working on negotiations," Rio replied, her voice tinged with caution. "She does have information that would make planning an assault easier, and her main concern seems to be with getting her sisters successfully rescued, but it's touch and go. She still seems a bit loyal to Hayate's regime."

"I can try talking to her again," Nanoha offered, to which Corona nodded gratefully.

"Please do," she encouraged as the remaining quartet turned a corner. "She has offered us one tidbit, though: Agito is alive."

The revelation shocked Nanoha, as her memories went back to that fateful fight with Signum, and how the little demon had sacrificed herself to allow Nanoha to escape. "Really? How?"

"She's not sure, just that she learned Agito was a prisoner of the Bureau, but that's not the only surprise we have for you," Rio hinted, smiling mysteriously as she handed the brunette a data pad. "Astounded us, too, when it came over the secret communication channel that Karel and Liera's resistance group on Earth normally contacts us with. We kept our group small on purpose, but now that we have this, we've been activating our sleeper cells in preparation."

Nanoha took a look at the image of handwritten scribbles that read:

It's time.
Be ready.
I'll find you.

The scrawls were familiar, and for a moment, she had an image of color pictures that a certain child used to draw. "It can't be... Vivio?"

"Someone call my name?" came a voice Nanoha was intimately acquainted with.

The brunette glanced up, now noticing she was in some sort of board meeting room, a pair of familiar faces on the other side of the table. She wasted no time crossing over. "Vivio!"

"Good too see you again, mama," the other woman offered, hugging back just as tightly. "I missed you, too."

"I see you brought Einhart with you, but where is Ix?" Nanoha questioned looking around as she, pulled back, not seeing the little girl.

"She's down in the teleportation room, overseeing the transfer of Mariage," came another familiar voice; Nanoha turned to see Lutecia enter the room. "And I managed to bring this guy along as I promised!"

"Erio!" Nanoha exclaimed as the summoner pulled the tall, bushy-bearded man in. "You made it as well!"

He looked almost embarrassed to be there, but nodded in her direction. "I'm here, yes. I still think this is crazy, but someone managed to convince me."

"Garyuu can be most persuasive," Lutecia stated simply, her eyes twinkling, then her posture changed. "Rio, the other resistance leaders are ready. Shall I bring them in?"

Rio nodded, smiling. "Yes, it's about time to begin."

Nanoha's brow furrowed slightly. "Begin what?"

"Rio tossed a fearsome, enthusiastic grin in her direction. "The strategy meeting in which we will plan out exactly how we're gonna take down the Bureau."

x~~*~~x

"...a Bureau outpost in the southeast has been vandalized and burned to the ground, there are several villages on Apis that have been refusing to pay taxes, and we've lost contact with several of the squads we've left on Supools," the female tech reported.

Hayate looked up from the holoscreen. "I can see that from this list of issues in your formal report. We have various incidents, both minor and major, brewing on several worlds. There has always been a certain level of dissent, but it hasn't been this high since before the war."

"[It can't be a coincidence,]" Rein told her the obvious thought they were both having.

"[I know,]" Hayate replied, sighing and closing the windows. "[I don't know how Nanoha has done it, but I think she's sowed the seeds of rebellion on several worlds. Her reputation as Seikou is spreading like wildfire, and the current rumor is that she plans to take down the Bureau single-handily. However, I don't believe she is working alone.]" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "[But I know what you're getting at; each of these issues will require troops to deal with, so it's obvious they are trying to get me to spread my forces thin. If I don't, the rebellion will grow, and several worlds will fall into anarchy.]"

Out loud, she ordered, "Call all reserve units back from their vacations, and split two legions off from Earth, diverting them as needed to the hot zones."

"[You're going to fall for the obvious trap, anyway?]" Rein questioned.

"[If Nanoha comes here, I'll still have enough troops to deal with her,]" Hayate replied with a heavy heart, then folded her hands in front of her face. "[And I have a few more things in reserve waiting for her, if she even tries.]"

x~~*~~x

Givo sighed in relief, having finally freed himself from Layla and her partying friends. He genuinely liked them as people; after all, he did go through a lot to help them escape. But he didn't like having his leash pulled around like that; he preferred to decide for himself where to go.

"Hello," came a light, but curious female voice.

Givo blinked at the girl sitting on the table, alternately swinging her legs. "Um, hi." What surprised him the most was that she seemed about his age, so what was she doing around here in a rebel base? "Who are you?"

"Ixpellia, but you can call me Ix," she told him with a smile. "What is your name?"

"Givo," he replied almost automatically. "Givo Mellowan. What are you doing here?"

She graced him with a kind smile. "I'm here with my friends to lend assistance."

"You're a mage, too?" he inquired, walking up to her, and she scooted over a bit so he could sit down next to her.

She shook her head. "No, I am not. Are you?"

"Yep!" he answered pridefully, jutting a thumb at his chest. "Already I've helped take out several stronger mages, so I'll be fighting with them. But what about you? How are you helping?" For some reason, there was something about her that really confused him, something about her attitude and mannerisms. But why was she here and able to help, if she wasn't a mage?

"I'll be fighting, too, in a way," she replied, a twinkle of mystery in her eye.

He took another glance at her small body. "You don't look very strong, so how can you fight at all?"

Just then, the huge teleportation pad in the center of the room, which had somehow escaped his notice earlier, flared to life, materializing several identical-looking women, which Ix pointed to. "With those. They are all under my control. They're kinda like robots."

Givo stared as they walked in lock step unison and entered a pair of double doors on a side wall, temporarily allowing him to see dozens more inside. He swallowed nervously.

x~~*~~x

"...and think about it, ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Nove continued nervously."My sis, err, the defendant is a combat cyborg who has fought for the Bureau her entire life; why would she betray it? This does not make sense! There's nowhere else for her to go, other than the Bureau she's known all her life. She's a combat cyborg in a Bureau of mages, but this doesn't make sense. None of these charges make sense! If the crimes don't fit, you must acquit. The defense rests."

Silence descended on the courtroom as Nove took her seat beside her client, who promptly elbowed her and sent a telepathic message. "[What do you think you're doing!?]"

"[The best I can!]" Nove hissed back. "[You're just lucky I managed to get a suspended sentence so I could assist you after Teana disappeared. I've just been trying to stretch things out, hoping Teana would return to take over again. I'm not a lawyer!]"

Wendi blew out a breath and rubbed her temples. "[I'm doomed.]"

"Ahem, well, yes, all rise," the judge declared. "The jury will now deliberate. If a verdict of guilty is returned, then at that time I shall pronounce sentence, which shall be carried out after a few days. The court is now adjourned."

[Wherever you are, Teana, you better get your ass back here as soon as possible,] Nove thought glumly to herself

x~~*~~x

Nanoha sighed and rubbed her temples; the strategy meeting, such as it was, didn't seem to accomplish much, although Rio said it went as well as she hoped. The biggest surprise was that they wanted her to lead the whole thing.

"To be blunt, none of the people under my command trusts the Saint Church," one of the rebel leaders informed her point-blank. "They fought the war, true, but gave up, meaning a lot of people died for nothing. That rubbed a lot of folks the wrong way. They are willing to fight beside the church now, but we can't have a church person in charge."

"That's why you have to take ultimate leadership," Rio explained. "You are the only person here that everyone will trust doing so. You don't belong to the church, and Seikou already has several impressive victories to her reputation. With you leading, everyone else will feel they have a chance."

"But I don't... that wasn't..." Nanoha started to say as the eyes of everyone at the table focused on her; she was used to functioning as a captain, commanding a small unit at best, but there were reasons she had turned down promotions during her tenure in the Bureau, and it wasn't just because she wanted to teach.

Vivio laid a hand on her arm. "I know what you're trying to say, but you just have to let it be. For better or worse, this is the only way we can unite everyone." When Nanoha continued to be speechless, Vivio smiled and added, " Congratulations... General Seikou."

After her reluctant acceptance, the meeting had devolved into a mess of deciding whose troops would be involved in what operation and where; Shante's Church knights would be here, while Jayce's Wheeled Warriors would be over there, etc. Also, who would qualify as captains, or what positions in the chain of command they'd assume. Personally, Nanoha thought it was ridiculous; their very future was on the line, and they were arguing politics. In that respect, she was looking forward to what she hoped would be a simpler conversation.

"Are you getting everything you need?" she inquired as she stepped inside.

Teana's head came up from the other side of the cell door. "Nanoha. I figured you'd come sooner or later. I know they're going to attack Clanagan. They haven't said as much, but the air around here feels charged; they're preparing for something."

"And you want me to stop it?" Nanoha questioned, sitting down on a stool opposite the female prisoner.

"I think it's pointless and will lead to a lot of unnecessary death, so yeah, I think it should be stopped," the ex-Director replied frankly. "But I don't think they will, so what I want is to join it."

That only surprised Nanoha a little. "You want to save Wendi and Nove, is that it? I can promise you that we'll do our best to free them."

"I need to be there to ensure that!" Teana shot back, her frustration clearly audible. "Look, I don't think Hayate has done a bad job, and yet I understand why those people are fighting. I don't entirely agree with them, but I'm willing now to negotiate on that point. But if you go in there half-cocked with that so-called army of yours and try to free them, you'll only end up getting my sisters killed!"

"I can't tell you much, but you'll just have to trust us that we have a plan," Nanoha offered, debating on how much to tell the woman. On one hand, she could understand her frustrations and concerns, but on the other, there was no guarantee that Teana wouldn't turn around and betray them. The old Nanoha might have trusted her with more information to lay her mind at ease, but... "I'll see what I can do about letting you participate in the battle, but other than that, you'll just have to trust-"

The gun mage shook her head. "You don't understand. None of you understand. You think you're going to fly in there and fight Hayate and win with a bit of a struggle, like you did when you fought me. But that's not going to happen; Hayate's strong, incredibly strong. And I'm not talking about the Bureau's military might, but her personally. Hayate's magic has grown considerably over the years, so much that the old rank system was inadequate. She's given herself a new rank, that only she possesses: G-class."

"There is more to magical combat than power," Nanoha chided. "I thought I taught you that, when you were concerned about your own magic level."

Teana was a silent for a moment, and when she spoke again, it was low with a tinge of... fear? Awe? "There was this time, not long before the war, when several of the Bureau's AAA and S-ranked Ace's hacked the limiter system, removed their own limiters, and took over the central spire while Hayate was away in order to protest her policies. I wasn't sure if Hayate would relent, or order an orbital bombardment from a cruiser." If it was even possible, her voice took on a more deathly tone. "But she didn't do either. In order to protect the city and it's people, she cast a wide-ranging dimensional barrier that just included herself and the dozen or saw high-ranked mages. When it went down nearly 30 minutes later, all the hostile targets had been apprehended, and the spire and surrounding area was still intact. Hayate's barrier jacket was barely singed.

Nanoha felt her mouth go dry as Teana's head came up, an almost wild desperation in her eyes. "So you see, you don't stand a chance! Even if you work past her army, you can't beat her! Go ahead with this crazy plan if you must, but let me at least protect my sisters from it!"

The gun mage's tone and words were very convincing, and Nanoha almost felt herself get pulled in by it; however... "No one is invincible. And the moment you think you are, is the moment you allow yourself to be defeated. Hayate will have a weakness, and I'll find it."

Teana stared at her as if she had grown a second head, then sighed. "That idealism you used to talk about... I hope it works for you this time."

Nanoha smiled grimly. "Me too."

x~~*~~x

"Over here!" Vivio called, getting her mother's attention by waving from across the room. "We have a few more surprises for you."

"Laguna!" Nanoha exclaimed upon coming closer, noticing the woman in the small group with Vivio, Lutecia, Erio, Rio, and Corona. "I didn't expect to see you here."

When Vivio told her to meet her down in the teleportation warehouse later after she talked to Teana, Nanoha certainly didn't expect this.

The eye-patched woman shrugged. "That girl over there found me, and I guess I got caught up in the Lutecia express."

Nanoha glanced over, now noticing the other familiar face talking to a rebel whom she was partially obscured by. "Isis, you did make it after all!"

The cyborg mage waved goodbye to the man she was talking to and crossed the short distance to the small group. "I wondered why you gave me those names. Sounds like you're getting to bust up some Bureau heads and could use all the help you could get, so I brought a couple others as well." She pointed across the room, where Nanoha noticed Togu meditating in a corner while Rose attempted to talk to him. "Both of them were upset that the underground ring was destroyed and wanted some payback. Well, at least Rose did. Togu only said something about wanting to test his skills."

Rose nodded in her direction, when she noticed Nanoha looking over that way, and even Togu cracked an eye open and smiled slightly.

"Thanks to you, we have quite a few more reinforcements that we didn't expect," Rio said with a twinkle in her eye. "We received some supplies and extra personnel from Supools, and Otto, Deed, and Verossa made it as well."

"Hey, Givo, there you are!" Layla suddenly called, entering the room and heading over to the boy sitting next to Ix. "You left so suddenly."

Nanoha couldn't help but smile at the expression of fear that came across the boy's face.

"Lu, what's wrong?" Erio asked curiously, drawing Nanoha's attention back over.

"I'm not sure, Kerykeion just came online," the summoner noted, lifting her right hand where the twin orbs on the bracelet were glowing softly. "I think it's indicating something."

"But they've been dormant ever since Caro..." Erio started to say, then trailed off.

The summoner stepped out and swung her hand her hand around the room, and then crossed the room while everyone else followed until they were standing in front of Layla, the orbs glowing even more brightly. Lutecia stared at her. "It's you..."

Layla glanced nervously at the group now studying her. "It's me, what?"

"Lu, are you saying that she is..." Erio started to say, to which the summoner nodded, and then he glanced up at her. "Caris?"

"No, I'm Layla," the increasingly nervous woman corrected, glancing back and forth between all the faces studying her

"But you're my daughter," Erio stated in awe, stepping forward. "You're about the right age, and have the right hair and eye color... you look just like her. Don't you remember me, Caris? Or your mother? You were lost to us when you were 8, during the war."

Layla took a step back. "I.. I don't remember; my parents died during the war, and I was adopted. I was told they died!"

"Your real name is Caris Mondail," Lutecia stated, holding Kerykeion closer. "Asclepious confirms what Kerykeion is indicating. You were left with family friends when Erio and Caro went to war, but a Bureau raid on the village killed them. When Erio returned from the Battle of Clanagan, he found the house had gone up in flames. He thought you were dead. He's your father, though."

Layla's eyes were wild as she stared at the other woman, and then at the approaching bushy-bearded man, and spoke with a very unsteady and wavering voice, "N-no, I-I'm sorry, but my parents are dead!"

Helpless, Nanoha watched the young woman sprint from the room and then glanced up at Erio, his face almost unreadable, but a mix of hope, shock, and sadness in his eyes.

Xx~~*~~xX

Author's notes:

I hope more than a few people saw that coming. :P

I do have a curious question for those who read this: Do you see her as "Nanoha" or as "Seikou"? It was something I got into a discussion with someone about, that she sees her more as Seikou. I admit, I've kinda seen her as Nanoha, using Seikou as an alias, but I always find other people's opinions on things interesting. Readers often find things in a work that the author included only by accident, or didn't intend, heh.

FINALLY got around to reading this fully. (I admit, I first read it just for the Fate stuff, then I went back and re-read it.)

Set-up chapters generally are boring, aren't they?

Anyway, nope, didn't see her being Erio's kid, nope, not at all.

still, ouch, Hayate's in her own league, huh?

I guess Darth Hayate wasn't too far off from the mark.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Nanya01

Set-up chapters generally are boring, aren't they?

Heh, you can say that. They're interesting to me, but I realize that, without some action going on, they can tend to seem a bit.. talky, which helps the boring factor.

Anyway, nope, didn't see her being Erio's kid, nope, not at all.

Well, based on all feedback so far, I guess it's obvious I need to work on my hints more. I had hoped this was one of the more obvious ones. So, look for some fairly blatant hints in the next couple of chapters... hopefully...

[yuiseppe]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Anyone have advice for getting your writing mojo back when you're recovering from a cold? I've been sick with a pretty persistent bug now for about two weeks, and I'm starting to get better, but my plotbunnies stay cheerfully just out of reach munching on fresh green grass.

M'girl, the best course of action is probably just to rest and get better or see a doc if it's been quite heavy going for 2 whole weeks. You don't want it to turn into anything that might linger - better safe than sorry.

I can't draw when I'm down with a cold because it's not enough of a distraction from feeling like crap and I can't 'see' the picture.

[Nanya01]

New

Shine Part 1

Shine Part 2

Shine Part 3

Shine Part 4

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Shine Part 5:

Later...

Yuuno groaned as he stumbled into the bathroom and rubbed his eyes before stripping out of his clothes. He had gotten to the house early, mostly because he wanted to relax in the bath before the others got home. "Lina, Shiro and Nanoha are at the bakery.." He yawned and shook his head. "Arf and Fate are playing with Suzuka and Arisa..." He thought he saw Kyouya there, so he figured that he had the house to himself. "Just need to wash down." He was just so tired that he didn't think that being in the bath for very long would be a good thing.

He didn't want to drown if he fell asleep after all.

Walking into the washroom, something seemed off, there was steam in the air and it was a little hard to see, then again, maybe Miyuki had just gotten done with a bath. He hadn't seen her around, so he wasn't sure where she was. Shrugging, he walked over to the stool and started washing himself off.

After rinsing himself off, he shook his head. "Ugh..." Okay, he was far too tired to do anything, just hop into the bath, rinse off, then get to bed, that was his plan.

As he got up, he turned to the bath and slipped on a bar of soap and would have hit his head on the floor if he didn't quickly fly forward. At least this way, the worst that he'd crash into would be the water.

At least, that's what he thought. He did crash into something, and it was wet. But there was warmth, and softness undercoated with something solid, not to mention the hands that had suddenly grabbed him.

"Wait..." Yuuno muttered softly and pulled his head back, blanching as he saw what he did. "Um, hi..."

Miyuki looked back at him and chuckled softly. "Say hello to all the women after slipping into the bath with them?"

"Uh..." Yuuno's face was turning red as he turned around and tried to get out before Miyuki grabbed him and pulled him against her body. "I shouldn't be here! I mean, you're a girl and I'm a boy and..."

"So?" Miyuki shrugged and leaned back into the bathtub. "I don't mind if you wanna take a bath, Yuuno."

Gulping, Yuuno nodded and blinked as she put a finger on his forehead and forced him to lean against her chest. "Um..."

"What?"

"Aren't you mad? All the girls in those shows..." Yuuno trailed off as Miyuki laughed at him. "What?"

"Yuuno... Those girls get upset because it's funny to see them beat someone up. It's not cool to beat someone up just because of a mistake." Miyuki rolled her eyes. "Besides, I'm sure that Nanoha and Fate would be upset with me if I hurt you." Smiling, she patted his chest. "So, just relax, okay?"

"Um..." Yuuno gulped, the warm feeling of her breasts against his skin was rather... Distracting and it was doing weird things to his body and... "Eeep!"

"Oh dear." Miyuki chuckled softly. "Well, at least I'm attractive to you." It was a bit awkward, but at least he wasn't trying anything. Seeing his whole body stiff, she sighed and put her hands on his shoulders. "Come on, Yuuno, it was just a joke..." She frowned as he didn't relax. "I'm not going to bite, Yuuno..."

"But... Your mother..."

Miyuki pursed her lips slightly. "She won't get upset at you, Yuuno... It's my fault anyway... Forgot to lock the door."

"Oh..." Yuuno nodded, before yelping as she spun him around and pressed his face into her chest. "Myki?"

"So, we're going to just sit in her and relax." She grinned as he pulled his blushing face away from her chest. "Alright?"

He nodded, though he was still nervous and still having trouble moving around.

"Having trouble relaxing?" She moved slightly and he nodded. "Hmm... Might need to fix that somehow..." She trailed off and Yuuno gulped, wondering what she meant.

(---)

"See?" Miyuki smiled as Yuuno lay on the bathroom floor, face down, as she rubbed his back. "This is better, right?"

Yuuno's face was completely scarlet as he nodded. The two of them were completely naked still, and Miyuki's suggestions to relax was her doing things to his body that he didn't know was possible. Heck, just after they had gotten out of the tub, the things she did to him made his mind go completely blank. And that was just a rubdown of his chest!

Still, he did finally manage to relax and the way her fingers pressed into his body were just magical.

Miyuki chuckled as Yuuno fell asleep. "Falling asleep, huh?" She chuckled before grabbing some towels and wrapping herself up, and then putting one around his body, before taking him to the guest room and tucking him in.

Walking out of his room, still in her towel, she gasped as she saw her father walk into view. He looked at her, looked at Yuuno's room, then back at her with a raised eyebrow.

"He fell asleep..." Miyuki chuckled and Shiro gave her a look. "Look, nothing... Um... Well, it didn't go that far, dad, I was just helping him relax and..."

Shiro shook his head. "I don't think I want to know what's going on in your mind, Miyuki, but, just take care of yourself... I'll let your mother talk to you about this."

Miyuki gulped and ran for her room when Shiro told her to get some clothes on.

(---)

"Well..." Lina looked at Miyuki, who was in her sleepwear, with an unreadable look on her face. "You were sneaking out of Yuuno's room in only a towel? Seriously, Miyuki, he's not even eleven yet." He would be in a few days, however. "I never minded that you had a crush on Kyouya, or that you sometimes snuck into his room when he was getting changed, but Yuuno? He's far too young right now."

"But mom..." Miyuki gulped as Lina held a hand up.

"Look, if he was fourteen, I wouldn't have that much of a problem with it. If you still want him when he's fifteen, that's fine, but I'd rather you and him not push things, he's still developing and I don't want him screwed up because you decided to "help" him out." Lina sighed as she saw Miyuki blushing more. "Just what were you thinking?"

"We didn't even do that mom, he was just so nervous that I wanted to help him relax and he fell asleep and..." Miyuki gulped at her mother's look. "I was in the bath and he came in, I forgot to lock the door and he slipped on some soap and he crashed into the bath... I wasn't going to kick him out just because he's a boy."

"You're a lot calmer than I was at your age." Lina sighed, before turning to leave. "Miyuki, just... I don't want either of you two to get hurt, okay? In a few years, sure, but right now? I'd rather you two take it easy." She turned and smiled at Miyuki softly. "I want my family to grow up healthy and happy, okay? That includes Yuuno."

"Mom, I..." Miyuki started to say before Lina gave her one last serious look. "Um..."

"If you wanted to have a lover that badly, Miyuki, at least have one that's not so young." If Yuuno was a few years older, she wouldn't have minded the implications of what happened, but she didn't want the two of them to get screwed up horribly by doing something so stupid.

After all, if she was going to be a grandmother, she wanted Kyouya to give her grandchildren before Miyuki, Nanoha or Fate did.

As Lina left Miyuki's room, she looked at her belly and sighed. "You better not date until you're at least fifteen." She knew that the baby wouldn't hear her, but that was fine.

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Sometimes I wonder if I'm not giving enough information, heh. I thought the fact that she used teleport and support magic (she even does a short "boost up" chant spell), would be enough clues. People probably don't pay attention to physical descriptions much, but I mentioned her red hair a few times.

Okay, I guess I remember the red hair bit, but none of those things about her are exactly unique.

Also, you only mentioned their daughter like, once, and never referenced her again until now. Chekov's gun and all, but there wasn't anything building up to it so the reveal was really sudden. Nothing you can really do about that, though.

... But if they've been there for a few weeks, how come Kerikeyon didn't react until that moment?

[Nanya01]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Okay, I guess I remember the red hair bit, but none of those things about her are exactly unique.

Also, you only mentioned their daughter like, once, and never referenced her again until now. Chekov's gun and all, but there wasn't anything building up to it so the reveal was really sudden. Nothing you can really do about that, though.

... But if they've been there for a few weeks, how come Kerikeyon didn't react until that moment?

I thought that was the first time that Erio and his daughter were in the same area at the same time as Kerikeyon?

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Okay, I guess I remember the red hair bit, but none of those things about her are exactly unique.

Not unique, obviously. But then again, Erio and Caro aren't technically unique themselves. That's why they are hints, and not outright statements.

Also, you only mentioned their daughter like, once, and never referenced her again until now. Chekov's gun and all, but there wasn't anything building up to it so the reveal was really sudden. Nothing you can really do about that, though.

This is true. I couldn't really bring it up, since Erio wasn't in the picture and no one else was really thinking about it. But like I said, part of it is probably my fault, if I didn't provide enough hints. I thought people might at least go, "Hmm, support magic and teleportation? Could she possible be...?" The whole "Boost up" thing was hopefully to make people think of Caro.

I think my real issue is that I didn't juxtapose the two earlier, with something like side-by-side scenes. I did only introduce Layla after we learned Erio had a daughter, so was kinda hoping people may have been looking by that point.

... But if they've been there for a few weeks, how come Kerikeyon didn't react until that moment?

Lutecia has been holding Kerykeion, and as Nanya said, it was the first time they were in the same place together. Layla hadn't been to the base yet; it was her first time there with Nanoha. Teana's group flees Clanaga -> finds Rio and Corona -> Givo senses Nanoha is back and the group heads to find them. If that wasn't clear, I can try to clarify. It's why I deliberately had Layla go away before Nanoha met Lutecia and the gang the first time.

Right now, I'm adding a bit to a scene to clarify the teleporter issue. Keep bringing up your concerns, so we can see if I adequately addressed something or not!^^

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

As far as filler goes, I suppose I can't really help that. I suppose I could have made it a bit neater and shorter, but it might have come across as too convenient, too. Honestly, I get criticisms when I draw things out a bit with "filler" and when I speed things up making things seem a bit too easy and convenient. ;p

But thanks for your comments!

May I "speak" bluntly?

Spoiler for Further text walls, critique-y:

Those complaints aren't actually opposite to one another. Complaints about "filler" are essentially the readers saying, "This entire story arc could have been omitted outright and we wouldn't mind; it doesn't effect the plot." Complaints about things being easy and convenient are about the plot not having enough obstacles and speed-bumps along the way.

For example, looking at the Tournament Arc:

Nanoha is trying to travel from point A to point B. If she were simply able to travel, that might cause objections that "things were too easy and convenient." She is, after all, a hunted fugitive, and the pursuit isn't getting any weaker after her encounter with Fate. So the idea that the Bureau is making standard channels unavailable is an obstacle for her to overcome. So far, so good. There's a problem which is rooted in the existing plot, and a solution needs to be found.

The "filler" part comes from the nature of the solution. That is, Nanoha takes part in a fighting tournament to earn the money to get home. Thus, what amounts to a four-chapter short story is created where Nanoha enters the tournament, fights in it, meets a number of new substory-only characters, and comes out the other end. Parts of the substory were funny. Some of the new characters were neat and inventive. The fights were very fun to read. But the underlying "impression" it presents is, "we will now put the story on hold while we read through this little story and then resume the main plot at precisely the status we left it." That may actually not be true--some of what happened/was revealed in this chapter may end up being significant later. But that's what the Tournament Arc felt like to read during Chapters 23-26.

The problem with that is, it means that the action, suspense, and excitement that have been built up during the main story are lost when the filler arc starts. The filler arc has to stand or fall on its own to maintain interest. If exciting and enjoyable, it may be fun (indeed, there are many anime/manga/TV series were standalone episodes or filler arcs are my favorite parts to rewatch, because their individual qualities are better than the main arc, or because they're easily digestible on their own). But it still doesn't "feel" like it's part of the main story.

It's not entirely unlike the impact of the Layla reveal. I'll be honest...it's not so much that the hints weren't sufficient, but that they were completely lost in the sea of data. When you list the items, I can say, "oh, yeah, seeing those items, the conclusion is pretty obvious." The problem is that I didn't take note of any of those items, because, well, Layla is a bit-part OC in a fic which is already featuring both a number of "star" and a number of "peripheral" canon character, and Erio I filed away as a cameo appearance because at that point you were kind of going down the checklist of the canon cast's fates (Dead. Evil. Evil. Dead. Evil. Probably dead.). So, my reaction to Layla being Erio and Caro's child was basically, "so what" because...well, she's a fourth-tier OC descended from third-tier canon characters.

Basically, that's the one major weakness of this fic: too much. The initial set-up of "The TSAB Gone Sour" went on about four or five chapters too long (I note that I wasn't the only reader to run into the Despair Event Threshold around Chapters 9-11 or so). Nearly anyone who's been mentioned in the canon anywhere shows up for at least a cameo appearance or a mention of how they were killed. OCs thickly populate the land, replacing the ranks of the dead with new names/faces. And the net result is to pretty much recreate the biggest weakness of StrikerS: that it's impossible to really get attached to so many of these people (and I'm including a number of the canon cast here) because there's so much data to take in. Different readers will no doubt be interested in the fates and subplots of their favorites (i.e., there are probably some fans who are intensely interested if Nove and Wendi can get rescued--and if so, by whom--before the court has them executed; Erio/Caro fans probably did notice the hints about Layla; ViVid fans want to see more of Vivio, Ein, and Ixy; Wolkenritter fans probably want to see more of Signum and Vita and wept at the news of the others' deaths; NanoFate shippers on fanfiction.net are probably hoping that the rescuers don't get to Yuuno before Due kills him), but it's hard keeping track of everything.

Moreover, all this peripheral detail is making it kind of difficult to keep up with what, at its core, is a very compelling and interesting main plotline (hey, there's a reason I've hung with the fic through 28 chapters!). There's Clone!Nanoha, with her predecessor's memories and idealism, shocked by her sudden arrival in a Crapsack Nanohaverse, fighting to save it from itself and who yet may perhaps be the architect of evil's ultimate success. There's the Bureau-Gone-Wrong with Hayate and Fate and Tea and assorted Nakajimas, and the steady revelations that at first raised the idea that some hand had been guiding them towards the dark side, and then finally proof that it had instead been the case, making them villains and tragic victims to be rescued all at once, and making inevitable confrontations like the Fate/Nanoha fight all the more impactful for the emotional content. There's the obviously evil Quattro, and the steady revelations that she was just the tip of the iceberg (remember what I was saying about Layla's reveal being a "So what?" moment--contrast that to Due's reveal, done in the main plotline, with plenty of foreshadowing, and immediately raising the specter of possible consequences for Our Hero. Now that was a reveal done right!), and the still obscure motives for everything that's happened. These are the things that keep me on the edge of my chair. Tea and Givo's escape sequence, for example, was a great action/suspense sequence. These kind of moments are everywhere throughout the fic--and I've already commented on the quality of the magical battles. I just can't help thinking that if there were around 60,000 fewer words and a couple of dozen fewer characters, it'd push the fic from "good" right over into "awesome" territory.

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

May I "speak" bluntly?

I'd like to chime in that I find Dezo's assessment accurate. For instance, I personally am very interested in Hayate's character arc; does she realize what she's done, or does she fall further due to the events inherent? ... plus the Wolkenritter and whether they ever realize that they've basically backslid ... while I couldn't care less about Caro and Erio's child (hence, missing that revelation was both expected and didn't bother me much; I was feeling a bit of 'get on with it').

You basically have a crapton of threads, not all of which really were necessary to the story you're trying to tell. Perhaps some of them would have done better (if you really wanted to tell these side stories) if they had been in separate omake one-shot/two-shot/you-get-the-pictures.

[Nanya01]

New

Shine Parts 1-5

Spoiler for Blood That Flows - Shine Part 6:

Sneezing, she wondered if she was coming down with a cold, again. She probably was, knowing her luck these days. "Why?" She asked no one in particular as she shivered.

"Well, well, well..." Her eyes widened and she turned her head, that familiar voice... Standing in the doorway was a man she never thought that she'd see again. "I can't say that I'm surprised, Precia." Chuckling, he walked forward and shook his head. "To go from incredibly sick to healthy? I'm sure that your immune system decided to take a nap."

"Jail..." Precia groaned and saw the two women behind him. "Who are they?"

Jail smirked at her. "I'd like you to meet Uno and Due..." He gestured to each one in turn. "The first two of my Combat Cyborg program."

"You..." She coughed again, "you managed to get that to work?"

"Not without problems, I admit." Jail admitted as Uno and Due walked into the cabin and looked around curiously.

Due picked up a framed picture and tilted her head. "Hmm... Guess your daughter was pretty bad off, huh?"

"Don't talk about my family." Precia growled as she sat up in bed.

Or tried to, as she shivered, groaned and fell back onto the bed. "Ugh..." Her body felt so weak and her head was spinning.. She frowned as she felt a hand on her forehead.

"Doctor..." Uno turned to Jail. "Her fever is incredibly high. The flu?"

"Perhaps." Jail nodded as he gave Precia a serious look. "I need something from you."

"Of course." Precia muttered and started coughing again. "You always needed something, you never could do anything on your own."

Jail chuckled as he walked over to her desk where Due was looking at various pictures. "Ah, the good old days..." He trailed off as he saw the picture of Precia and her co-workers. "To think that some of our experiments back then would bare fruit now, hmm?" He turned to her and smiled. "So, how is that darling little girl of yours doing?"

"Alicia is dead and Fate not under my care anymore. I couldn't be a mother, to either of them... Alicia became a monster and Fate needed to live a life where she's not abused by someone as horrible as I am." She narrowed her eyes at Jail. "Just what do you want, Jail?"

"Just some information." A serious look came to his face. "I was hoping that you'd bring up what happened on Mid-Childa about a year ago, actually..."

"Why..?" She wondered what was going through his head, before shivering as a chill went through her body and she coughed. 'Darn cold...' She thought to herself.

"Because... You did more research into ancient technologies and magic than I have, I'll admit. I need your notes." He told Due to put down the picture she was looking at.

"I never found anything." Precia looked at Due and Uno and couldn't help but feel a little put out. "So, you decided that normal women weren't enough?"

Jail chuckled and shook his head. "These two are genetically related to me, Precia... Now, your notes. Anything on Al Hazard technologies and magic you might have... Stumbled across in your lifetime."

"I didn't discover anything..." She looked at the dresser that Due was by. "But, if you want to know, just get that blonde to move her butt out of the way and it's in the top drawer."

Due gave her a rather nasty look. "Can I suffocate her?"

"No, Due..." Jail put a hand on her shoulder and opened the desk drawer. "You can't sit on her face and suffocate her, she's just upset, ah!" He pulled out a data pad and grinned as he turned it on. "All your research for so many years... Project F... Lost Logia... AH! This is what I wanted..."

"What?"

Jail started chuckling as he pulled out another data pad and hooked the two up. He wouldn't dream of stealing Precia's work completely. It was all she had left to be remembered by at this time after all. Copying it was always better, besides, if he needed to, he could always come back and get the notes again, in case his got corrupted or lost. "The Knight Valkrye Armor... I thought it was destroyed back during the fall of Al Hazard..."

"The doctor," Uno spoke to Precia, "is a clone of the people of Al Hazard. The incident with the Ground Forces HQ and the Mazoku caused him to remember several key elements of what happened in the past. Including weapons designed to kill them."

"The spear, the mantle, the wings, the shield, the armor and the heart..." Jail grinned as he finished the file transfer. Putting her research notes back, he pocketed his own copy. "Even a single piece can make even the weakest of magic users into a power house. The whole armor together was said to make a person into a god. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the Ancient Belkan Royalty found a way to mimic the powers of that armor."

"Now what, doctor?" Due asked as Jail told them to leave. Her hands ran over her rear-end. It wasn't that big, was it?

"It's going to take me some time to find if any of the pieces still exist. And if they do, I then need to find where they are..." Oh well, he had some time. "By the way, you didn't forget, did you, Due?"

"Of course not." She smiled at him. "I'll get you everything you need for my cute little sisters soon enough." Due blushed as Jail caressed her face softly.

"I know you will." Jail nodded to her. She was a heck of a masterpiece, all of the Numbers were.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

May I "speak" bluntly?

Spoiler for Further text walls, critique-y:

Those complaints aren't actually opposite to one another. Complaints about "filler" are essentially the readers saying, "This entire story arc could have been omitted outright and we wouldn't mind; it doesn't effect the plot." Complaints about things being easy and convenient are about the plot not having enough obstacles and speed-bumps along the way.

For example, looking at the Tournament Arc:

Nanoha is trying to travel from point A to point B. If she were simply able to travel, that might cause objections that "things were too easy and convenient." She is, after all, a hunted fugitive, and the pursuit isn't getting any weaker after her encounter with Fate. So the idea that the Bureau is making standard channels unavailable is an obstacle for her to overcome. So far, so good. There's a problem which is rooted in the existing plot, and a solution needs to be found.

The "filler" part comes from the nature of the solution. That is, Nanoha takes part in a fighting tournament to earn the money to get home. Thus, what amounts to a four-chapter short story is created where Nanoha enters the tournament, fights in it, meets a number of new substory-only characters, and comes out the other end. Parts of the substory were funny. Some of the new characters were neat and inventive. The fights were very fun to read. But the underlying "impression" it presents is, "we will now put the story on hold while we read through this little story and then resume the main plot at precisely the status we left it." That may actually not be true--some of what happened/was revealed in this chapter may end up being significant later. But that's what the Tournament Arc felt like to read during Chapters 23-26.

The problem with that is, it means that the action, suspense, and excitement that have been built up during the main story are lost when the filler arc starts. The filler arc has to stand or fall on its own to maintain interest. If exciting and enjoyable, it may be fun (indeed, there are many anime/manga/TV series were standalone episodes or filler arcs are my favorite parts to rewatch, because their individual qualities are better than the main arc, or because they're easily digestible on their own). But it still doesn't "feel" like it's part of the main story.

It's not entirely unlike the impact of the Layla reveal. I'll be honest...it's not so much that the hints weren't sufficient, but that they were completely lost in the sea of data. When you list the items, I can say, "oh, yeah, seeing those items, the conclusion is pretty obvious." The problem is that I didn't take note of any of those items, because, well, Layla is a bit-part OC in a fic which is already featuring both a number of "star" and a number of "peripheral" canon character, and Erio I filed away as a cameo appearance because at that point you were kind of going down the checklist of the canon cast's fates (Dead. Evil. Evil. Dead. Evil. Probably dead.). So, my reaction to Layla being Erio and Caro's child was basically, "so what" because...well, she's a fourth-tier OC descended from third-tier canon characters.

Basically, that's the one major weakness of this fic: too much. The initial set-up of "The TSAB Gone Sour" went on about four or five chapters too long (I note that I wasn't the only reader to run into the Despair Event Threshold around Chapters 9-11 or so). Nearly anyone who's been mentioned in the canon anywhere shows up for at least a cameo appearance or a mention of how they were killed. OCs thickly populate the land, replacing the ranks of the dead with new names/faces. And the net result is to pretty much recreate the biggest weakness of StrikerS: that it's impossible to really get attached to so many of these people (and I'm including a number of the canon cast here) because there's so much data to take in. Different readers will no doubt be interested in the fates and subplots of their favorites (i.e., there are probably some fans who are intensely interested if Nove and Wendi can get rescued--and if so, by whom--before the court has them executed; Erio/Caro fans probably did notice the hints about Layla; ViVid fans want to see more of Vivio, Ein, and Ixy; Wolkenritter fans probably want to see more of Signum and Vita and wept at the news of the others' deaths; NanoFate shippers on fanfiction.net are probably hoping that the rescuers don't get to Yuuno before Due kills him), but it's hard keeping track of everything.

Moreover, all this peripheral detail is making it kind of difficult to keep up with what, at its core, is a very compelling and interesting main plotline (hey, there's a reason I've hung with the fic through 28 chapters!). There's Clone!Nanoha, with her predecessor's memories and idealism, shocked by her sudden arrival in a Crapsack Nanohaverse, fighting to save it from itself and who yet may perhaps be the architect of evil's ultimate success. There's the Bureau-Gone-Wrong with Hayate and Fate and Tea and assorted Nakajimas, and the steady revelations that at first raised the idea that some hand had been guiding them towards the dark side, and then finally proof that it had instead been the case, making them villains and tragic victims to be rescued all at once, and making inevitable confrontations like the Fate/Nanoha fight all the more impactful for the emotional content. There's the obviously evil Quattro, and the steady revelations that she was just the tip of the iceberg (remember what I was saying about Layla's reveal being a "So what?" moment--contrast that to Due's reveal, done in the main plotline, with plenty of foreshadowing, and immediately raising the specter of possible consequences for Our Hero. Now that was a reveal done right!), and the still obscure motives for everything that's happened. These are the things that keep me on the edge of my chair. Tea and Givo's escape sequence, for example, was a great action/suspense sequence. These kind of moments are everywhere throughout the fic--and I've already commented on the quality of the magical battles. I just can't help thinking that if there were around 60,000 fewer words and a couple of dozen fewer characters, it'd push the fic from "good" right over into "awesome" territory.

Haha, in short, I fit in a bit too much, eh? Good to know. I'm able to keep everything straight in my head, but then again, I'm the author and I have to. Although I do feel it is going on a bit longer than I had planned for. Originally, I wanted it to be the size of Crisis, but it's gonna be several chapters beyond that.

About the characters, you do have a point. I even got a review once, that said something to the effect of "I wanted to see how this would have affected this character, but you had them dead!" I'll admit a very small part of the reason for characters having died through the years, is so that would be less characters to deal with. So I feel I'm in a bit of a bind there.

But looking at what I've got left, I am heavily leaning towards dropping a chunk here and there of what I've got left, in order to streamline the important stuff. I'll do some thinking. The next chapter is done, but I'll have to decide what I want to pull off it, or how to cut things down.

The other option is to keep stuff intact (and there isn't too much left, really), and just let people brush over the stuff they find uninteresting. As someone recently said to me, "You obviously can't please everyone, but as long as most everyone can find parts they enjoy..."

Thanks for the comments, though. It gives me ideas for how much I can include in a story without burdening the readers, heh.

Edit to add: Uploaded Future Tense, Chapter 28: The Calm Before to ff.net with a few revisions and author's notes. Nothing too major.