2011-10-15, 02:50 | Link #2961 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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Laura really has no excuse. She's a space marine... without the brains of one. Having her as #1 reflects quite badly on the whole force.
Celeste is #10 because she's not as experienced, and is a poor communicator. Laura's at #1 because at her peak, her combat prowess is extraordinary. However, she does poorly in a team fight. #2, #3 and #4 working together can bring her down. Heck, I think #8, #9 and Celeste can accomplish the same feat before Ichika, and after Ichika she's just so distracted... Plot bunny! #6, #7 are dissatisfied with #1, and challenges her to a duel. #1 goes alone, but #10 insists she tag along in her own silent way. #6 and #7 soon learn that #1 has changed somewhat to be stronger, but also #10 has improved. After working with Karon and gang, the soldier has begun to reach a potential that with the proper equipment could even rival #1... @Eras: Sufficient for my own means, he does fall to some Xanatos Gambits before. Really its up to the author to make it believable.
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2011-10-15, 03:00 | Link #2962 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
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The first chapters are suppose to serve as like an "intro" or "getting to know the characters". But I'll see what I can do for future chapters now that the serious content is about to happen. But with how things are at my end offline, I don't think I can get started on Ch. 4 anytime soon. |
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2011-10-15, 03:12 | Link #2963 | ||
Some say I'm the Reverse
Join Date: Jul 2006
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- No, I mean the pacing is literally just clunky.
Put it this way: I find it hard to keep pace not because it's so fast, but because you tend to write the characters like documents instead of like people--more like you're describing them rather than letting people get to know them over the course of the story. Needs more show, less tell. Like this part: Quote:
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2011-10-15, 03:56 | Link #2967 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
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How's this?
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2011-10-15, 05:09 | Link #2968 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Well, I haven' read a lot of English novel, hence why my vocabulary is severely limited.
if you ask me, I want to read Michael Crichton's books, Hard Scifi doesn't even begin to describe it (I've read some of the translated one like Prey, Sphere, and Congo, but all of them is in Indonesian)
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2011-10-15, 05:26 | Link #2971 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Quote:
> Chifuyu hit the beer quick after seeing Ichika in drag and drown herself in alcohol (brain bleach, natch). > Yamada being conflicted about cross-dressing Irish (on aside note, she admit it was wrong, but she can't deny that Drag!Irish is VERY cute) also joins Chifuyu. > Maximillian was DRAGGED by them, although technically he's minor (20 being minimum age for someone to legally drink & smoke in Japan) too shut him up. Maxiillian ended up awaken in a girl (or one of the teacher's) bed and so horrified he quickly took a shower (even though the worst never happens)
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2011-10-15, 05:38 | Link #2978 |
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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@Detective: You do not know the likes of Iori Minase and the IdolM@sters?! Go watch it with all your mightz!
(Also relevant in understanding why the stage name of the Shooting Star idol group is spelt [Shooting St@r]) @wave: I actually prefer Iori, but in this case... the Pun could not be stopped.
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2011-10-15, 05:39 | Link #2979 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Quote:
Maximillian is taking part in the event so how would he get dragged along....I Know! Maximillian:*Sitting in the bar still in his yukata* I really don't want to be here. Drunk dude: Hey babe, you here alone? Max: Uh, yeah. I should really be going. DD: *Grabs his hand* What's say you and me have some fun? Max: Let me go! DD: Aw~ Don't be such a killjoy. *Drags him out of the bar* Max: Help! Is it okay? |
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Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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