Dating

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Vestus

Okay, I have been thinking about this "stuation" over and over, and I need some serious help with this b/c when it comes to this I am an idiot.

The Situation:
Okay, there's a girl I met through a friend about 2-4 months ago and we have been hanging out time to time. I know she's WAY out of my league considering that she's a model.

Well, recently she pulled this whole "pretend dating" thing. And it's not like a little joke or anything. She takes it to whole level and goes into girlfriend mode when she hangs out with me.

Now, everyone I know (except for my best friend) thinks me and her are dating. I'm not complaining or anything, because I admit that I like it. My life right now is like an anime.

However, it's driving me crazy because I don't know if she's just teasing me since I'm a major nerd, or trying to get me to ask her out by playing the "game".

What do you guys think?

Well, this is my original post, and here's an update:

Well, it's going pretty good. Some stuff happened (not tellling ), and well it's pretty obvious now. We're basically approaching the "bf/gf" border, or maybe we've already passed that (I'm not really sure ). I'm not gonna rush things, and I like how things are progressing between us .

Funny side note:
Apparently, she intended for the whole "pretend couple/dating" thing to be a joke. She had no feelings for me and I didn't have any feelings toward her (I thought she was cute, but I wasn't interested for some reason ). So basically, the "joke" developed feelings, or maybe the feelings were realized. Who knows? Sounds like something I would only see in an Anime .

[Knightmare213]

It's really great to hear that some people's relationships are developing quiet well. I might as well be jealous of those who are lucky as of this moment, as I am trying to deal with my third rejection I had in my life. However, even though I do feel a bit down that I have been rejected again, I really found it easier to be rejected now.

When I was first rejected, I do really remember crying about it for few weeks before having a crush on another girl. However strings of fall outs and having a crush on another girl led to my second rejection during my 10th grade.

On the second, the girl that I confessed to was a good friend of mine and I had known her since the 7th grade. However, when she called me a 'good friend' after my heartfelt confession, that status eventually went down the drain and we started to avoid each other for quiet a while (this really reminds me of the ladder theory).

My third rejection is quiet recent; it's been about a month now. On my second, I often sulked in the corner and let myself fall into escapism provided by hours and hours of playing Final Fantasy X. This time, my third rejection didn't seem so painful as I believed it would be. As if the third time's the charm, I did not cry, nor sulk for more than two days after my rejection. Not only that, it was THE most harshest rejection ever.

Now, I'm thinking whether I should 'test' another girl that I'm interested in. When I say test, what I mean is that I should try to use the best of my body language and see how she'll react. There is one hitch: she's a co-worker of mine at my workplace.

Anyone can give me an advice or two of how should I ask a co-worker out if I do get a strong feeling that she's into me? I've heard of the risks of dating a co-worker, but I'm expected to quit my job due to college.


@Darkman.exe213: Not to mean too intrusive, but I think you're doing the right thing by moving on. If I hadn't said this now, I'll say it again: "It doesn't matter if you're interested in her. Only thing that matters that she is interested in you." After all, sticking with a girl that will never be interested in you is rather a waste of time, IMO. What you really should be trying is to wait and see if any other girl is interested in you.

After all, the world's population is over 6 billion. I might as well as say that for every guy, there will be at least one hundred girls who will like you for who you are. Same goes for girls as well!

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by Knightmare213

@Darkman.exe213: Not to mean too intrusive, but I think you're doing the right thing by moving on. If I hadn't said this now, I'll say it again: "It doesn't matter if you're interested in her. Only thing that matters that she is interested in you." After all, sticking with a girl that will never be interested in you is rather a waste of time, IMO. What you really should be trying is to wait and see if any other girl is interested in you.

After all, the world's population is over 6 billion. I might as well as say that for every guy, there will be at least one hundred girls who will like you for who you are. Same goes for girls as well!

Thanks, Knghtmare. I've made my decision. I'm going to look for someone else.

hmm...suddenly I am reminded of Byousoku 5 Centimeter. D:

[Samari]

Well I finally got a response from the person that was driving me nuts by not responding. I was patient and only say two comments on her Facebook page within the last two months nearly. And both of those comments were on the other side of each other in terms of time span. One was in early December, the other in late January. I also happened to have sent her a "Happy Holidays" e-card on Christmas Eve to her email. So that might count as three. Maybe. But the good news is that she replied with a heart-felt response and was even grateful for the e-card I had sent her. And...she said it would be nice if we hung out again.

It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of my heart. Perhaps there is some hope after all...when everything seemed like it had been lost.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Vestus

Funny side note:

Apparently, she intended for the whole "pretend couple/dating" thing to be a joke. She had no feelings for me and I didn't have any feelings toward her (I thought she was cute, but I wasn't interested for some reason ). So basically, the "joke" developed feelings, or maybe the feelings were realized. Who knows? Sounds like something I would only see in an Anime .

I'm not really surprised, actually - that's largely been my experience. The idea that one girl was into my led to my liking her back and then dating. With my current girlfriend, she thought that I liked her (I didn't) and began to like me back; her liking me caused me to like her. It's almost like the power of suggestion. Obviously there has to be a certain level of compatibility for feelings to develop, but it's rather interesting.

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

Well I finally got a response from the person that was driving me nuts by not responding. I was patient and only say two comments on her Facebook page within the last two months nearly. And both of those comments were on the other side of each other in terms of time span. One was in early December, the other in late January. I also happened to have sent her a "Happy Holidays" e-card on Christmas Eve to her email. So that might count as three. Maybe. But the good news is that she replied with a heart-felt response and was even grateful for the e-card I had sent her. And...she said it would be nice if we hung out again.

It feels like a giant weight has been lifted off of my heart. Perhaps there is some hope after all...when everything seemed like it had been lost.

I'm glad for you, and I hope it'll lead to bigger and better things. Just remember that you should be evaluating her as well. If you're in the dating market just to get experience, then that's fine. If I remember right, in an earlier post you stated that you weren't really sure what you wanted to get out of it, which is fine. But if you're looking for a serious relationship, just be sure that you're not potentially getting yourself into a rough situation. Any relationship will require work to maintain and keep healthy, and anyone who says otherwise is either lying, extremely lucky, or unknowingly in a suffering relationship. You can make things easier on yourself by choosing someone who works better with you.

I'll give an example of the first girl I dated. For many things that we talked about she seemed to become very hostile and argumentative, even when it really wasn't important and when I wasn't trying to argue anything. She'd also claim that I was a poor communicator, and occasionally would chalk it up to the fact that at that time I was an engineering major. (I'm sure everyone knows it, but engineers are stereotyped as being incredibly socially awkward and terrible communicators.) She was my first and the relationship was new enough that I was infatuated with her regardless. I took her criticisms as feedback and pondered about how to improve myself. It did hurt a bit, but I suppose that I didn't recognize my discomfort at the time.

I don't think it was even two months after the relationship had started that the fairy dust of a new relationship began to wear off. I decided that regardless of any blame, we simply weren't communicating well, and I didn't foresee the relationship having any lasting power. I ended it, much to her dismay.

I guess my only worry for you, bluejazz87, is that you're like me - sensitive, wants to provide love and affection, and so on - and that we'd easily be taken advantage of. I'd imagine that was partially what happened with the girl I cited above. My concern for you is that this girl may also be a poor communicator - perhaps someone who won't talk to you and will leave you feeling unsure and insecure. But it's too early to tell, in all honesty. Even though I had clear communication issues with that first girl, when we'd initially been doing friend activities (2-3 hour lunches every week) we seemed to get along great and held similar views. You don't talk for that long with a new friend when you don't jive well, right? But I guess things change when you enter the relationship field (although what changes and how much it does will depend on the person). This advice from me is probably premature for you, but I just wanted to express it anyway.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I'm glad for you, and I hope it'll lead to bigger and better things. Just remember that you should be evaluating her as well. If you're in the dating market just to get experience, then that's fine. If I remember right, in an earlier post you stated that you weren't really sure what you wanted to get out of it, which is fine. But if you're looking for a serious relationship, just be sure that you're not potentially getting yourself into a rough situation. Any relationship will require work to maintain and keep healthy, and anyone who says otherwise is either lying, extremely lucky, or unknowingly in a suffering relationship. You can make things easier on yourself by choosing someone who works better with you.

I'll give an example of the first girl I dated. For many things that we talked about she seemed to become very hostile and argumentative, even when it really wasn't important and when I wasn't trying to argue anything. She'd also claim that I was a poor communicator, and occasionally would chalk it up to the fact that at that time I was an engineering major. (I'm sure everyone knows it, but engineers are stereotyped as being incredibly socially awkward and terrible communicators.) She was my first and the relationship was new enough that I was infatuated with her regardless. I took her criticisms as feedback and pondered about how to improve myself. It did hurt a bit, but I suppose that I didn't recognize my discomfort at the time.

I don't think it was even two months after the relationship had started that the fairy dust of a new relationship began to wear off. I decided that regardless of any blame, we simply weren't communicating well, and I didn't foresee the relationship having any lasting power. I ended it, much to her dismay.

I guess my only worry for you, bluejazz87, is that you're like me - sensitive, wants to provide love and affection, and so on - and that we'd easily be taken advantage of. I'd imagine that was partially what happened with the girl I cited above. My concern for you is that this girl may also be a poor communicator - perhaps someone who won't talk to you and will leave you feeling unsure and insecure. But it's too early to tell, in all honesty. Even though I had clear communication issues with that first girl, when we'd initially been doing friend activities (2-3 hour lunches every week) we seemed to get along great and held similar views. You don't talk for that long with a new friend when you don't jive well, right? But I guess things change when you enter the relationship field (although what changes and how much it does will depend on the person). This advice from me is probably premature for you, but I just wanted to express it anyway.

Thanks for your insight. I'll definitely keep your words in mind. However, I'm a long ways away from even potentially being in a situation where I have a chance at having a relationship with this girl. If I do end up with someone though...I'll remember what you said. And I think you described a good amount of my characteristics quite well. I'm a very sensitive person and take things quite seriously...even when they're just words. I wish I didn't have that handicap, but it appears to be embedded within myself...somehow.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

I wish I didn't have that handicap, but it appears to be embedded within myself...somehow.

I really don't think it should be seen as a handicap. Just be honest with yourself, and don't be afraid to be up-front about it at some point in the relationship (ideally earlier than later).

[Akamu]

Originally Posted by npal

Well, unless the girl in question is like Suzumiya Haruhi, who never rejected anyone, but can dump you in 5 minutes

Other than that, wishes for the best

Haha, don't scare the poor guy. Best of wishes dude, don't screw it up by changing your personality like some guys do, she likes you for you ( hopefully ). Just remember that.

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

I decided that I should probably move onto someone else. The girl I liked NEVER contacts me first, meaning she probably never saw me as more than a friend in the first place. Also, we have VERY different interests and very different friends. Even if we did have a relationship, it probably wouldn't have lasted long.

Especially since your using the term "move on" so casually. If you really liked a girl it wouldn't exactly be that easy...I myself haven't fallen for many girls, only one in fact, which I ran out of chances when she moved. Single and quite frankly, enjoying it.

[Akamu]

Sorry, lagged.

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by Akamu

Especially since your using the term "move on" so casually. If you really liked a girl it wouldn't exactly be that easy...I myself haven't fallen for many girls, only one in fact, which I ran out of chances when she moved. Single and quite frankly, enjoying it.

Well actually, I was very hesitant about it initially. It took me about 16 weeks to finally make my decision.(and for the first 11 of those weeks, I didn't even see or talk to her)

[Generic Asian Guy]

Originally Posted by Knightmare213

It's really great to hear that some people's relationships are developing quiet well. I might as well be jealous of those who are lucky as of this moment, as I am trying to deal with my third rejection I had in my life.

Haha, same, I'm a little jealous (but still happy) about the successes people have been experiencing.

As for me, I've taken the "not-interested-until-girl-makes-first-move" stance. Since I'm a shy guy, I don't really like checking out girls; on the subway, I usually just stare down at the floor, even if I notice a girl's looking at me.

[deathreape98]

Well, I went over to my girlfriend's yesterday. Needless to say, I had a great time. Two highlights of the visit...well, you could call it one. We were watching a romance movie, and when the first kiss scene came up, I said "I love you, Destiny", then she said "Really?" and I said "Yes". Then, she said "I love you too", then after a couple seconds, said "Close your eyes", then kissed me. Then I kissed her back. So....yeah....great time yesterday


@Generic While it's fine to be shy, it can be hard to get a girl to make a first move. If you make a good female friend (assuming you're a guy, like your username implys), and then slowly turn it into a relationship, you could experince what other people are.

[Lonestar9]

Originally Posted by Generic Asian Guy

Haha, same, I'm a little jealous (but still happy) about the successes people have been experiencing.

As for me, I've taken the "not-interested-until-girl-makes-first-move" stance. Since I'm a shy guy, I don't really like checking out girls; on the subway, I usually just stare down at the floor, even if I notice a girl's looking at me.

I'll add my 2 cents....advice from a much older, shy guy...
I too have waited a lot in my life for the girl to make the first move...and it hasn't worked well. I've had to suck it up and ask out girls first if I want something to happen. I've used things like internet dating with some good results, and now I'm finally engaged at age 37 to a great woman, whom I met thanks to my uncle's wife, a friend of hers. I met her in person, then later starting emailing her, and the rest is history....but even shy guys can make the first move, try not to look away when a girl is paying you attention. If I had made some first moves earlier on my life, I wouldn't have spent so much time being single.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Generic Asian Guy

As for me, I've taken the "not-interested-until-girl-makes-first-move" stance. Since I'm a shy guy, I don't really like checking out girls; on the subway, I usually just stare down at the floor, even if I notice a girl's looking at me.

It's fine to wait for a girl to express interest first. Relationships that occurred for me happened that way - it's sort of nice knowing that you're asking someone out with a high probability of success. But unless you're the most gorgeous guy on Earth, no girl is going to come up to you and start a conversation based on your looks alone. We're all observing each other's behavior and are making judgements based off of what we see. If I see someone staring at the floor, I'd figure that they're either deep in thought (probably best not to disturb them) or they're afraid of people/socially awkward. If it's a case of the latter, those are the types of people you generally would prefer not to deal with. I don't expect everyone to share my views, but is that the sort of image you want to be projecting to others?

And what's wrong with eye contact? I'll share part of an interesting study with you, as it's relevant here. The study attempted to find out whether "luck" is something real or just perceived. They gathered groups of people and determined who considered themselves to be lucky and who felt that they were unlucky. I'll cut out some aspects of the experiment, but it was determined that luck is real, although not in the way you'd think. People who felt that they were lucky were more likely to make eye contact with others and smile, which resulted in increased social interactions. People who felt unlucky would often be looking at the ground and avoid others. The increased social interactions often resulted in new opportunities for those who had made contact. The people didn't realize that they were doing anything special, though, and the interactions and resulting opportunities made them feel that they were lucky. The others didn't realize that they were putting other people off, and simply resigned themselves to feeling that nothing good ever happened to them, that they were unlucky.

The part I want to focus on is that the eye contact led to interactions. If a girl is staring at you and she looks pretty nice, look her in the eye for a second or two and give her a smile! Just show her that you acknowledge her. You don't need to stare at her like a creep, just give her a glance every now and then and make eye contact briefly. If she's really gutsy and "luck" is on your side then she'll come over and initiate the conversation. Otherwise, if she gives you an inviting smile, get off your butt and go over to her! Look, even if she's not your type, you'll build confidence and you may make friends (who in turn introduce you to their friends, and their friends may be the ones for you - that's how my ongoing relationship initially started).

This isn't about being a "player," this is just about getting yourself out there. The girl for you won't fall out of the sky and into your lap, you'll meet her somehow. I feel that my girlfriend and I have one of those fairytale relationships that occurred by chance, but despite all that we were initially introduced (somewhat by chance) through a mutual friend (also female). Were it just me and my guy friends, the only relationship I'd be able to write about would be my first and failed one, in which the girl had enough guts to initiate a conversation with me and give her phone number without my asking.

Be confident and have fun.

[Generic Asian Guy]

Thanks for the replies deathreape98, Lonestar9 and Ledgem (And congratulations to you deathreape98 and Lonestar9)

I'll definitely try to keep an eye out, and "respond" back to glances with a smile xD I've always "dreamed" of meeting "the one" completely by chance, on the subway, somewhere in school, or even at a wedding or party; perhaps this is a sign I should stop watching romantic anime... (just kidding).

Very interesting post about luck, thanks! I'll start making an attempt to keep my head up and an eye out for any prolonged stares coming my way

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

The girl for you won't fall out of the sky and into your lap, you'll meet her somehow. I feel that my girlfriend and I have one of those fairytale relationships that occurred by chance, but despite all that we were initially introduced (somewhat by chance) through a mutual friend (also female). Were it just me and my guy friends, the only relationship I'd be able to write about would be my first and failed one, in which the girl had enough guts to initiate a conversation with me and give her phone number without my asking.

Haha, I had a friend who said the same thing to me last summer. Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend. I didn't have any interest in her b/c I initially thought, "Another one of those popular girly girl types that I can't stand."

Good thing she started this "boyfriend/girlfriend joke" between us. She insists that it was a joke and nothing more, but I doubt it. Anyway, that joke sparked an interest in me toward her b/c I thought she had some interest in me (which she denies).

Stuff happened, and we're doing really well now.

What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Vestus

What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.

Ah, but you said here:

Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend.

I wouldn't really call that falling out of the sky You had the almost the exact same scenario that I did. When I think of "falling out of the sky" I think of a situation where a girl approaches you and practically throws herself at you.

In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did. She initiated a conversation and by the end of it, gave me her phone number (I wouldn't say that I'd expressed interest, either). The only way it could have been better would have been if she'd asked me right then and there to date her, so that I didn't have to go through some anxiety when calling her for the first time, or when it came time for me to ask her.

Either way, both you and I were pretty lucky, I'd say. It's a bit more interesting when relationships sort of spring up on their own.

[Generic Asian Guy]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did.

Wow, that is interesting...

I wish that'd happen to me xD

That reminds me of a quote from My Sassy Girl:

"Fate is building a bridge of chance for the one you love."


So I guess she built a bridge of chance by increasing the likelihood of seeing you again at the bus stop Is it luck, or fate?

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Vestus

Haha, I had a friend who said the same thing to me last summer. Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend. I didn't have any interest in her b/c I initially thought, "Another one of those popular girly girl types that I can't stand."

Good thing she started this "boyfriend/girlfriend joke" between us. She insists that it was a joke and nothing more, but I doubt it. Anyway, that joke sparked an interest in me toward her b/c I thought she had some interest in me (which she denies).

Stuff happened, and we're doing really well now.

What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.

Haha, is it the same girl from before? Glad it worked out for you bud. So, what exactly happened?

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Ah, but you said here:

I wouldn't really call that falling out of the sky You had the almost the exact same scenario that I did. When I think of "falling out of the sky" I think of a situation where a girl approaches you and practically throws herself at you.

In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did. She initiated a conversation and by the end of it, gave me her phone number (I wouldn't say that I'd expressed interest, either). The only way it could have been better would have been if she'd asked me right then and there to date her, so that I didn't have to go through some anxiety when calling her for the first time, or when it came time for me to ask her.

Either way, both you and I were pretty lucky, I'd say. It's a bit more interesting when relationships sort of spring up on their own.

Haha, when I think of "falling out of the sky" I think random chance or coincidence. Semantics, bleh .

Also, the anxiety is what makes it all worthwhile.

Originally Posted by Fome

Haha, is it the same girl from before? Glad it worked out for you bud. So, what exactly happened?

Yup. It took awhile (like 3 weeks lol). I won't tell everything (most of it is so embarrassing), but I'll tell what kicked-started the relationship:

We carpool twice a week to school (only me and her), and we park away from school so we don't have to pay for the permit in order to park in the school parking lot. So, because of that, we have a 15 - 30 min walk to school.

Well, one day it was a little chilly outside, and while we were walking to school I saw her shivering. I had a sweater on (I always do) so I said, "Here, take my sweater" and gave her my sweater. She blushed a little bit (I love it when she does). I then said to myself, "Dude, just grab her hand you idiot." so I did. She then took her free hand and grabbed my arm that was holding her hand and put her head on my shoulder. We walked the rest of the way like that.

No it doesn't stop there.

That day, we had class until dark so it was really cold when we had to walk back to my car. So, she suggested we take the bus back to my car (apparently the bus stops near where I park). Now, none of us took the bus, or at least I didn't (she may have planned this), but the bus takes about 30-45 mins to get to our stop. So, we took the bus and sat in the back. It was warm (thank God!), and the bus was empty for the whole trip. We cuddled the whole time.

We, barely spoke any words through the whole day.