2009-10-13, 22:06 | Link #1861 | |
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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2009-10-13, 22:06 | Link #1862 | ||
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
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The last sentence is a very good point, I won't try and force anything, hopefully it just works out. Congrats whitepearl! EDIT Quote:
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2009-10-13, 22:26 | Link #1865 |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
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I do that stuff haha, we poke and tickle back and forth, I even punched her in the face once, and she punched me back, but that's an unrelated story, we're still friends even after that so I can't see what else I could do too wrong :P
I give her a love-tap punch every so often and she either walks on and nods at me or hits me back harder, most people tend to do that to me when I lightly punch them as a joke ._. :P |
2009-10-13, 22:33 | Link #1866 | |
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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Of course, take my suggestion with a pinch of salt and skepticism; it's just as likely, like Narona is all too fond of reminding me, that it could backfire on you. You gotta be sharp as to the girl's nature, enough to figure out whether she'll take it well. |
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2009-10-13, 23:07 | Link #1867 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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My advice would be to take two to three months before you jump back into the dating scene. Right now you're still going over your feelings for your ex-girlfriend, and more importantly, you're getting used to the idea of being single again. When I went through it, I found it painful. You know what it's like to be with someone intimately, yet now it's lost. You see it all around you in other couples, and every time you see it it's as if someone's stepping on your heart. You don't want to be alone anymore; you want that intimacy back in your life, perhaps whether you realize it or not. Perhaps as a result, you'll find someone and make them out to be more compatible and more attractive to you than you'd otherwise feel, partly as a result of wishful thinking. There's a word for what I'm describing - "rebound." Nobody likes to be someone else's rebound, and I don't imagine that the committal types of people would like to perform a rebound, either (because once the confusion from the past relationship wears off, you'll feel like you've accumulated baggage and you're obligated to stick with it). You don't have to take the advice, of course, but there it is. Even if you think that you find the absolute perfect girl, don't do anything more than make friends with her. Recognize that you are likely in a time of impaired judgment, and let time sort it out. Try to avoid making "heavy" decisions (or here, relationship-based decisions) during that time. And sorry to be a downer - it probably isn't the type of thing you care to hear I didn't know that, actually. Well, it's a silly rule
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2009-10-13, 23:12 | Link #1868 |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Actually, I'd take Ledgem's advice and go one step further: take some time to really appreciate being single. There are some advantages that being single has over being involved, and while you may be willing to trade the added freedom of time and mental energy, it's really best if you learn to appreciate the contrasting benefits early. This will help speed up your recovery process going forward, as it is much easier to get through a break-up when you can find the pleasures in being on your own again.
Take the time you'd spend with a significant other and spend it on yourself, or with some purely platonic friends. It'll be fun, I promise.
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2009-10-14, 00:29 | Link #1869 | |
Fullmetal Heart
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Florida
Age: 33
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2009-10-14, 06:47 | Link #1870 |
PolyPerson!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
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Tossing my 2 cents in on the waiting to jump back into dating; rebounding is painful for all involved
Besides, you can hang out with (but not date) and eventually, when ready, maybe you'll have met someone who's compatible! Honestly, I TOTALLY hadn't planned on dating my husband when I met him LOL he was my (now ex) brother in law's best friend of 20 years, and while he was attractive and nice and all, I'd lived w/ someone for a year when they suddenly dumped me (happy birthday to me THAT was, the day before my bday lol), so I was *NOT* looking to date anyone, much less seriously. But I got the chance to get to know him, no pressure or anything, and eventually, when I was ready (and he was, having left his abusive wife not horribly long before meeting me), then we could objectively make the choice to date (rather than just going "OMG need someone NOW!!!!" And 13 years later... I guess that was the right choice
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2009-10-14, 09:21 | Link #1871 | |
カカシ
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These girls are quite interesting as they'll only let you know about it until a certain point is reached, which usually involves the guy taking the first step, but not always. Sometimes they'll never let you know their full feelings for you. The only way you eventually find out is thanks to a third party stepping in to clear things up, at least for the guy. I guess one caveat is to be cautious you don't confuse girls who have no interest in you, with those who are feigning disinterest. I enjoy the phraseology here. Nicccce Last edited by Kakashi; 2009-10-14 at 09:31. |
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2009-10-14, 13:55 | Link #1873 | |||
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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In my case, I'm part of the girls who consider that only one person (not family) has the right to touch them (husband), Those who don't follow the rules just ask to be killed Hitagi from Bakemonogarati gave me some good ideas. Instead of slapping, kicking, punching etc. I should now use a staple on annoying boys Yup Last edited by Narona; 2009-10-14 at 14:37. |
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2009-10-14, 14:57 | Link #1874 | |||
Disabled By Request
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The Jedi Mind Trick only works on people who're weak-minded or weak-willed. They are the easiest ones to influence. It's usually the alien species that are least susceptible to the technique, like Watto. Hutts also seem immune. Jabba called Luke out when he was using the mind trick on Bib Fortuna (his tentacle headed sidekick). Anakin also claimed that Padmè was immune and I'm taking his word for it. Droids are also immune because they're not living things and aren't connected to the force. Quote:
Anyways, enough of that, this isn't the place for that Quote:
I can agree to this. It's not right for a guy to be dating someone who'se already going out with someone else, or at least I wouldn't find it right so I can understand where you're coming from. |
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2009-10-14, 15:10 | Link #1875 | |||
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
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2009-10-14, 17:04 | Link #1877 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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On the other hand, I suppose that if you were never really emotionally attached to the girl you were dating then it wouldn't be a big deal to replace her with another right away. Sort of like how when a light bulb burns out you don't think twice about tossing it in the trash and screwing () in a new one. I'm not sure whether that's objectification of women or not taking dating seriously, but I guess it could arise from either. It's probably not a shocker for me to write this, but I find such views disgusting. Take time for yourself to get to know yourself better, figure out what went wrong and how you could have handled things differently (be it reconciling conflicts, or recognizing fatal incompatibilities sooner), what your expectations are and whether they're realistic... you know?
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2009-10-14, 17:59 | Link #1878 | |
PolyPerson!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
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Seriously; I find it far healthier to wait, remember who you are WITHOUT someone else involved, and then meander about, because then you know what you want out of the relationship, and are not merely having someone there for the sake of having someone there (which is essentially, the serial monogamy mentality, which in my experience, generally results in a string of heartache and ofttimes legal/monetary issues when you're on your 5th or 6th marriage) Now, there is a distinct difference between "rebounding" (ie, going into another relationship), and just playing, with no strings attached, oft called the 1 night stand and so on (though they can be for longer or whatever). Assuming all parties are safe, in agreement and there are no illusions/emotional issues, then said play arrangement is perfectly healthy. I believe that kind of arrangement is healthier than just jumping into another relationship, which can do more damage to the person as well as whoever they've pulled into the relationship.
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2009-10-14, 18:04 | Link #1879 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
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It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).
From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense. I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen. Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend. What I said: Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil I checked the number and its right so... Did I come on too strong? Should I of just sent a facebook message back? Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day) I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd. I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any). Thank you |
2009-10-14, 21:04 | Link #1880 |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
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It's one of my specialties
I confused her voice for someone else's and I swung through a stage curtain :/ For the record, I didn't mean a heavy relationship, I'm pretty not ready for that... I think I need something light to feel through and see as a compassion to my past relationship, I need to see what my feelings were. I'm not looking to marry this girl, I'm looking to have fun, maybe go out to see if what I feel as a crush for this person is equal to what I felt for my girlfriend. |
Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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