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Old 2009-10-13, 22:06   Link #1861
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We already hang out a lot just together in school, yeah it's quite different but it's still quote unquote alone time as far as I'm willing to go right now.

I'm not entirely convinced she's acting oblivious, I'm not even amazingly convinced she has an interest in me, that's why I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head to get her thinking.

We're already fairly good friends, I think just shy of the friend's zone though, or at least I really hope so. If she is really just acting oblivious then I am severely underestimating the resourcefulness and determination of women in my life haha!
Question: Are you the one who seek out her company, or is she the one who seeks out yours?
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:06   Link #1862
Splitpersonality
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Just don't extend yourself any more than you normally would, lest you set up false expectations if she turns out to be interested. Ascaloth's advice is spot on: just have fun with her. Let flirtation happen when it may, but don't go out of your way to prompt anything. If it's requiring planning at this stage, it won't be worth it down the road.
I have a tendency to overextend myself either way, I'm not going to puff myself up to grandiose proportions, just do normal things, that's not wrong is it?

The last sentence is a very good point, I won't try and force anything, hopefully it just works out.


Congrats whitepearl!


EDIT
Quote:
Question: Are you the one who seek out her company, or is she the one who seeks out yours?
We sort of just find each other, she doesn't actively seek me out too often, but sometimes she does.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:13   Link #1863
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Meeting someone on Wednesday night for a date after a fairly successful one last Wednesday.

Cue Bowser laugh.
Good luck! I hope it goes well.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:20   Link #1864
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
We sort of just find each other, she doesn't actively seek me out too often, but sometimes she does.
Ah, then things are going well enough. Just do the usual for now, maybe test out whether she's amenable to a bit more physical contact i.e. poking, tickle fights, innocuous stuff like that.
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:26   Link #1865
Splitpersonality
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I do that stuff haha, we poke and tickle back and forth, I even punched her in the face once, and she punched me back, but that's an unrelated story, we're still friends even after that so I can't see what else I could do too wrong :P

I give her a love-tap punch every so often and she either walks on and nods at me or hits me back harder, most people tend to do that to me when I lightly punch them as a joke ._.

:P
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Old 2009-10-13, 22:33   Link #1866
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I do that stuff haha, we poke and tickle back and forth, I even punched her in the face once, and she punched me back, but that's an unrelated story, we're still friends even after that so I can't see what else I could do too wrong :P

I give her a love-tap punch every so often and she either walks on and nods at me or hits me back harder, most people tend to do that to me when I lightly punch them as a joke ._.

:P
Awesome, keep it up for a while. Do the occasional little test to see how much more she's agreeable with, and step it up slowly from there. Eventually you want to get to the stage where she thinks nothing of you putting your arm around her shoulder or waist while she's talking in length about her thoughts and feelings; that's the point when you want to try and steer the conversation to a point where you can get an excuse to steal a kiss from her.

Of course, take my suggestion with a pinch of salt and skepticism; it's just as likely, like Narona is all too fond of reminding me, that it could backfire on you. You gotta be sharp as to the girl's nature, enough to figure out whether she'll take it well.
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Old 2009-10-13, 23:07   Link #1867
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
So I've started talking to that other girl that likes me since the events of yesterday, yeah I know that sounds bad but I'm just trying to lay foundation or at least make her think a little bit about me, I don't want to jump right into her pants or anything, but she's really nice and we have a good deal in common.

Any advice on ways I can get myself stuck in her head in a positive way? I'm a good flirt, but she seems a little oblivious to that sort of thing.
If she's oblivious, be a little more direct. Not to be the rain on a parade, but I think it's a bit early to go for another relationship at this point. How many days has it been since you officially cut loose from your girlfriend - two? Three? You seemed pretty heavily committed, as well, and it also sounds like you're still sorting your feelings for her.

My advice would be to take two to three months before you jump back into the dating scene. Right now you're still going over your feelings for your ex-girlfriend, and more importantly, you're getting used to the idea of being single again. When I went through it, I found it painful. You know what it's like to be with someone intimately, yet now it's lost. You see it all around you in other couples, and every time you see it it's as if someone's stepping on your heart. You don't want to be alone anymore; you want that intimacy back in your life, perhaps whether you realize it or not. Perhaps as a result, you'll find someone and make them out to be more compatible and more attractive to you than you'd otherwise feel, partly as a result of wishful thinking.

There's a word for what I'm describing - "rebound." Nobody likes to be someone else's rebound, and I don't imagine that the committal types of people would like to perform a rebound, either (because once the confusion from the past relationship wears off, you'll feel like you've accumulated baggage and you're obligated to stick with it).

You don't have to take the advice, of course, but there it is. Even if you think that you find the absolute perfect girl, don't do anything more than make friends with her. Recognize that you are likely in a time of impaired judgment, and let time sort it out. Try to avoid making "heavy" decisions (or here, relationship-based decisions) during that time.

And sorry to be a downer - it probably isn't the type of thing you care to hear

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Ledgem, the Jedi. You know it's forbidden for a jedi to get married, right
I didn't know that, actually. Well, it's a silly rule
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Old 2009-10-13, 23:12   Link #1868
Ricky Controversy
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Actually, I'd take Ledgem's advice and go one step further: take some time to really appreciate being single. There are some advantages that being single has over being involved, and while you may be willing to trade the added freedom of time and mental energy, it's really best if you learn to appreciate the contrasting benefits early. This will help speed up your recovery process going forward, as it is much easier to get through a break-up when you can find the pleasures in being on your own again.

Take the time you'd spend with a significant other and spend it on yourself, or with some purely platonic friends. It'll be fun, I promise.
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Old 2009-10-14, 00:29   Link #1869
K_Babyy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy View Post
Actually, I'd take Ledgem's advice and go one step further: take some time to really appreciate being single. There are some advantages that being single has over being involved, and while you may be willing to trade the added freedom of time and mental energy, it's really best if you learn to appreciate the contrasting benefits early. This will help speed up your recovery process going forward, as it is much easier to get through a break-up when you can find the pleasures in being on your own again.

Take the time you'd spend with a significant other and spend it on yourself, or with some purely platonic friends. It'll be fun, I promise.
Well said! That's exactly what I was thinking. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You can still be happy and be single, just surround yourself with friends and family and you've got all the love right there. =] Just try and focus on yourself for a while, if someone special is meant to come into your life, then they will.
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Old 2009-10-14, 06:47   Link #1870
cheyannew
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Tossing my 2 cents in on the waiting to jump back into dating; rebounding is painful for all involved
Besides, you can hang out with (but not date) and eventually, when ready, maybe you'll have met someone who's compatible!

Honestly, I TOTALLY hadn't planned on dating my husband when I met him LOL he was my (now ex) brother in law's best friend of 20 years, and while he was attractive and nice and all, I'd lived w/ someone for a year when they suddenly dumped me (happy birthday to me THAT was, the day before my bday lol), so I was *NOT* looking to date anyone, much less seriously. But I got the chance to get to know him, no pressure or anything, and eventually, when I was ready (and he was, having left his abusive wife not horribly long before meeting me), then we could objectively make the choice to date (rather than just going "OMG need someone NOW!!!!"
And 13 years later... I guess that was the right choice
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Old 2009-10-14, 09:21   Link #1871
Kakashi
カカシ
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Hell, for all you know she may be just acting oblivious, and is really paying attention to what kind of guy are you. Girls tend to be notorious at this sort of thing.
Yh, from what I hear girls are really good at this. Not all of them practice it, some are very open with their feelings, but a lot seem to be good at hiding them. It's almost impossible to tell, because, while they don't behave rudely in your presence, they will give off an air of indifference and never spare you a glance unless you force them to (by drawing their attention specifically).

These girls are quite interesting as they'll only let you know about it until a certain point is reached, which usually involves the guy taking the first step, but not always. Sometimes they'll never let you know their full feelings for you. The only way you eventually find out is thanks to a third party stepping in to clear things up, at least for the guy.

I guess one caveat is to be cautious you don't confuse girls who have no interest in you, with those who are feigning disinterest.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I'm more or less looking to plant a seed in her head
I enjoy the phraseology here.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
I even punched her in the face once.
Nicccce

Last edited by Kakashi; 2009-10-14 at 09:31.
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Old 2009-10-14, 11:54   Link #1872
Shinoto
Rollin' Like A Boss
 
 
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No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.

Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
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Old 2009-10-14, 13:55   Link #1873
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miyuki-ism View Post
No, they just control peoples mind.

"You wanna buy some death sticks?"

"You don't want to sell any death sticks." *Hand movement*

"I don't want to sell any death sticks."

"You want to go home and rethink your life."

"I want to go home and, rethink my life..." *walks away*
I thought so afterwards XD But it doesn't work on every people IIRC. It failed on Watto

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
I won't be surprised if the Sith can though, and of course they probably don't have any proscriptions for marriage and that sort of thing. Love leads to passion, passion leads to loss, loss leads to vengeance, and vengeance leads to the Dark Side.
I disagree with the Jedis though. Even without his love stories with padme, Anakin's soul wasn't all good I believe.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Awesome, keep it up for a while. Do the occasional little test to see how much more she's agreeable with, and step it up slowly from there. Eventually you want to get to the stage where she thinks nothing of you putting your arm around her shoulder or waist while she's talking in length about her thoughts and feelings; that's the point when you want to try and steer the conversation to a point where you can get an excuse to steal a kiss from her.

Of course, take my suggestion with a pinch of salt and skepticism; it's just as likely, like Narona is all too fond of reminding me, that it could backfire on you. You gotta be sharp as to the girl's nature, enough to figure out whether she'll take it well.
Well, the girls who dislike that are not all as violent as me Many of them would just reject the boy for good.

In my case, I'm part of the girls who consider that only one person (not family) has the right to touch them (husband), Those who don't follow the rules just ask to be killed

Hitagi from Bakemonogarati gave me some good ideas. Instead of slapping, kicking, punching etc. I should now use a staple on annoying boys

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I didn't know that, actually. Well, it's a silly rule
Yup

Last edited by Narona; 2009-10-14 at 14:37.
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Old 2009-10-14, 14:57   Link #1874
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I thought so afterwards XD But it doesn't work on every people IIRC. It failed on Watto
It's been ages since I talked of Star Wars

The Jedi Mind Trick only works on people who're weak-minded or weak-willed. They are the easiest ones to influence. It's usually the alien species that are least susceptible to the technique, like Watto. Hutts also seem immune. Jabba called Luke out when he was using the mind trick on Bib Fortuna (his tentacle headed sidekick). Anakin also claimed that Padmè was immune and I'm taking his word for it. Droids are also immune because they're not living things and aren't connected to the force.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I disagree with the Jedis though. Even without his love stories with padme, Anakin's soul wasn't all good I believe.
The point is debatable. Imho, if Anakin never met Padmè the way he did, he may not have turned out all bad. Suppose Qui Gon won the argument and she had to stay in the ship when he left for Mos Eisley, Anakin never would've met her except as an aide to the queen (or who he thought was the queen). In which case he wouldn't have been infatuated with her. There's still the matter of his mom, but Anakin got over that eventually and he wouldn't have turned to the Dark Side permanently just for that. Padmè was the whole reason Anakin was turned. Take her out of the equation, and he would've learned control much better after what happened to the Tuskens.

Anyways, enough of that, this isn't the place for that

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Well, the girls who dislike that are not all as violent as me Many of them would just reject the boy for good.

In my case, I'm part of the girls who consider that only one person (not family) has the right to touch them (husband), Those who don't follow the rules just ask to be killed

Hitagi from Bakemonogarati gave me some good ideas. Instead of slapping, kicking, punching etc. I should now use a staple on annoying boys
This is why I think a lot of girls are pretty scary. They have the wrong idols.



I can agree to this. It's not right for a guy to be dating someone who'se already going out with someone else, or at least I wouldn't find it right so I can understand where you're coming from.
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Old 2009-10-14, 15:10   Link #1875
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post
It's been ages since I talked of Star Wars

The Jedi Mind Trick only works on people who're weak-minded or weak-willed. They are the easiest ones to influence. It's usually the alien species that are least susceptible to the technique, like Watto. Hutts also seem immune. Jabba called Luke out when he was using the mind trick on Bib Fortuna (his tentacle headed sidekick). Anakin also claimed that Padmè was immune and I'm taking his word for it. Droids are also immune because they're not living things and aren't connected to the force.


The point is debatable. Imho, if Anakin never met Padmè the way he did, he may not have turned out all bad. Suppose Qui Gon won the argument and she had to stay in the ship when he left for Mos Eisley, Anakin never would've met her except as an aide to the queen (or who he thought was the queen). In which case he wouldn't have been infatuated with her. There's still the matter of his mom, but Anakin got over that eventually and he wouldn't have turned to the Dark Side permanently just for that. Padmè was the whole reason Anakin was turned. Take her out of the equation, and he would've learned control much better after what happened to the Tuskens.

Anyways, enough of that, this isn't the place for that
I'll not continue this offtopic here. I'll reply later on your profile

Quote:
This is why I think a lot of girls are pretty scary. They have the wrong idols.

I didn't wait for hitagi to react quite violently to some people behaviors. I dislike when people don't respect what i say, and so, don't respect me.

Quote:
I can agree to this. It's not right for a guy to be dating someone who'se already going out with someone else, or at least I wouldn't find it right so I can understand where you're coming from.
Uh? I was not talking about a case like that at all. In the case that I am talking about, whether the girl is single or not, no guy (other that the girl's fiancé/husband if she is not single) has the right to put a hand on her, and that includes friends.
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Old 2009-10-14, 15:21   Link #1876
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Uh? I was not talking about a case like that at all. In the case that I am talking about, whether the girl is single or not, no guy (other that the girl's fiancé/husband if she is not single) has the right to put a hand on her, and that includes friends.
Ah k, I see what you mean, sorry 'bout that
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Old 2009-10-14, 17:04   Link #1877
Ledgem
Love Yourself
 
 
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Age: 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.

Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
I don't really think it's moving on. You're replacing one girl with another to fill a void, not having given yourself any time to think about what happened and about your own feelings. I know that garbage stereotype about how men aren't supposed to talk or think about feelings is still pretty pervasive, but let's move beyond it.

On the other hand, I suppose that if you were never really emotionally attached to the girl you were dating then it wouldn't be a big deal to replace her with another right away. Sort of like how when a light bulb burns out you don't think twice about tossing it in the trash and screwing () in a new one. I'm not sure whether that's objectification of women or not taking dating seriously, but I guess it could arise from either.

It's probably not a shocker for me to write this, but I find such views disgusting.

Take time for yourself to get to know yourself better, figure out what went wrong and how you could have handled things differently (be it reconciling conflicts, or recognizing fatal incompatibilities sooner), what your expectations are and whether they're realistic... you know?
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Old 2009-10-14, 17:59   Link #1878
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinoto View Post
No need to wait, Get on it while it's hot.
Rebounding is a word that carries such a negative stigma in dating, I prefer to call it moving on.
Lovely; let's perpetuate the "serial monogamy" mentality that's plaguing society as a whole. Goody gumdrops!

Seriously; I find it far healthier to wait, remember who you are WITHOUT someone else involved, and then meander about, because then you know what you want out of the relationship, and are not merely having someone there for the sake of having someone there (which is essentially, the serial monogamy mentality, which in my experience, generally results in a string of heartache and ofttimes legal/monetary issues when you're on your 5th or 6th marriage)

Now, there is a distinct difference between "rebounding" (ie, going into another relationship), and just playing, with no strings attached, oft called the 1 night stand and so on (though they can be for longer or whatever). Assuming all parties are safe, in agreement and there are no illusions/emotional issues, then said play arrangement is perfectly healthy. I believe that kind of arrangement is healthier than just jumping into another relationship, which can do more damage to the person as well as whoever they've pulled into the relationship.
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Old 2009-10-14, 18:04   Link #1879
stubby42
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
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Old 2009-10-14, 21:04   Link #1880
Splitpersonality
Amateur Psychomocologist
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
I enjoy the phraseology here.
It's one of my specialties


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
Nicccce

I confused her voice for someone else's and I swung through a stage curtain :/



For the record, I didn't mean a heavy relationship, I'm pretty not ready for that... I think I need something light to feel through and see as a compassion to my past relationship, I need to see what my feelings were. I'm not looking to marry this girl, I'm looking to have fun, maybe go out to see if what I feel as a crush for this person is equal to what I felt for my girlfriend.
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