Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Keroko]

You forget, magic is a hidden society in To Aruverse, so we don't even need to pull in the Negimaverse.

... I gotta tweak the To Aru Keroko when I get back.

[hideki101]

So, I'm trying to get my Negima/Nanoha crossover down in bytes, and I missed the discussion two or so pages ago. Crud. Anyway, the plot synopsis may be as follows:

Spoiler for crossover idea:

About three years after the JS incident, the Takimichi family on Mid (Nanoha, Fate, and Vivio) take a vacation to earth to visit Nanoha's family. Sometime during the vacation they hear of Mahora's big school festivals, and not having taken Vivio to a carnival, the three of them decide to go to Mahora. Once there they start to notice strange things out of the ordinary, and get caught up in Earth's dominant magical society.

I'm not good at prose at all, and I may need some help ironing out the details and twists, but that's the general idea. Meaning, I have the general plot to follow (mostly Negima's plot as told from one of the Ace's views) but I have problems with stuff like how and when do they decide to go there, and what fun things do they do once there.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

This is a job for the 2-in-1 Khrack Meister! >=3

I guess we can, if only he appears at all that is.

I'm pretty much going to pretend that the magic side doesn't exist, but if I do, I'll probably pull in Negima's "hidden magic society" thing. Or explain that Earth's "magic" is really just ESP that Aleistor tweaked his city to cause a "auto-immune" reaction against, hence why TSAB has not bothered with Earth "mages" in the first place (And why Touma's power works on both sides).

Either way, it will be fun, and full of RAILGUN.

The way I thought of it, the magic side would be connected to Mahora (think the church Misora works at (yes, I know this doesn't work if you look too closely)) and of the Esper's side, I wound up connecting it to the Heroesverse. That's actually the home verse of the original versions of my three OC characters I posted earlier in the OC thread, the conglomeration of four or so series. kind of messed up, come to think of it.

[Saint X]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

In other news, with regards to the idea of academia cities of Earth, moving from secret magical training centers like Hogwarts and Mahora, I've recently discovered that absolutely nothing has been mentioned about the state of Earth itself with respect to its sciences. It might even have Armor Slaves running around the hot-spots and we wouldn't even be able to tell!

Basically, I need help. A certain academic city has been hanging at the back of my head since the middle of the Spring season of 2009, and recently... them plotbunnies have come to maul me in full force.

Spoiler for Exerpt from A Certain Intelligence Report:

Most of the document has been blanked out, but Fate's attention was brought to a few paragraphs:

...Located west of Tokyo and bordering on Uminari, Academy City is where most of these psycho-talented are being gathered. Its total population is currently about 2.3 million with 80% of them being students and 1/8 of those students living in the city dorms. As the city's name suggests, it is a city of several schools and institutions of higher learning from kindergarten to university level that learn side by side along with the scientists who research on psychic powers and higher technology. The city was founded by one Provost Aleister Crowley to do studies and research on the development of preternatural abilities. It is a very high tech and clean city about thirty years ahead of its time. Entry to the city is forbidden to outsiders except those with psychic potential and those with given permission. Because the city's existence is protected, security is very high, with a spy satellite in space, checkpoints outside of the city, security cameras everywhere and guards constantly patrolling the city to make sure ordinary people cannot enter the city easily. The city power supply comes from the large wind turbines and solar panels that appear all over the city...

And after that:

...Intelligence is working to gain undercover access into the city. Communication from within the city will be hard as the facilities on site are able to intercept psychic transmissions, and are already doing do on a daily basis. In fact, we have reason to believe that they are already conscious of our transmissions to and from our Uminari listening post. We are keeping Far East coverage to a minimum for the time being...

She returned to the telecasted news hailing the scientific progress within Academy City. It is nothing short of breathtaking, even when compared against Midchilda's development. They were short of the Prime Directive having not developed interdimensional travel, but the Enforcer couldn't help but muse, "Is this sign of Earth's awakening...?"

...leave out the annoying magical half of things, and focus on all love about a certain supersonic electromagnetic human cannon...

...somebody stop meh.

There is not one Academy City though...

In the meantime...

Spoiler for GDI Dimsight View::

You would not believe that this is inside of a high school...

Watch out.

I am planning for their movement into the Nanoverse :3



*FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES*

*GETS BURIED UNDER TONS OF SHEET MUSIC*

????: HOW ABOUT ME?

Creator-kun: Yes we are still waiting on your peers...

*hauls 7 suitcases*

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by hideki101

So, I'm trying to get my Negima/Nanoha crossover down in bytes, and I missed the discussion two or so pages ago. Crud. Anyway, the plot synopsis may be as follows:

Spoiler for crossover idea:

About three years after the JS incident, the Takimichi family on Mid (Nanoha, Fate, and Vivio) take a vacation to earth to visit Nanoha's family. Sometime during the vacation they hear of Mahora's big school festivals, and not having taken Vivio to a carnival, the three of them decide to go to Mahora. Once there they start to notice strange things out of the ordinary, and get caught up in Earth's dominant magical society.

I'm not good at prose at all, and I may need some help ironing out the details and twists, but that's the general idea. Meaning, I have the general plot to follow (mostly Negima's plot as told from one of the Ace's views) but I have problems with stuff like how and when do they decide to go there, and what fun things do they do once there.

EDIT:

The way I thought of it, the magic side would be connected to Mahora (think the church Misora works at (yes, I know this doesn't work if you look too closely)) and of the Esper's side, I wound up connecting it to the Heroesverse. That's actually the home verse of the original versions of my three OC characters I posted earlier in the OC thread, the conglomeration of four or so series. kind of messed up, come to think of it.

Personally, I'd say its a bit less plot-devicey to have them investigate earth after Chao did her thing, and they were send to investigate the huge spike of magicaal energy.

Though I think its a good idea not to cross more than one series. Using ellements of another series is fine, but when we start dragging settings and characters of more than two series in a crossover, things usually start to break down in my experience.

Originally Posted by Saint X

There is not one Academy City though...

Well, we haven't seen earth in the Nanohaverse in over a decade, set the story post-StrikerS and you're set to go.

Also, what's that page from?

[Hekate]

Originally Posted by AdmiralTigerclaw

Time to play a little game.

This game is called: Cradle Robber.

The objective of the game is to win the scenario through your choice of actions voted upon. You have three lives.

Shal we begin?

Spoiler for START!:

[LOADING...]

GCFA FORWARD OPERATIONS COMMAND
Phantom Class Carrier: Silent Hill

"We apologize for waking you at this hour commander, but this came up rather suddenly."

Fifteen minutes ago, we detected a massive disturbance on the surface of the planet Mid-Childa, our current orbital stealth survey assignment. I didn't believe it myself until I saw the satellite footage, but it looks like that maniac Scagletti wasn't as stupid as we thought.

The mad scientist has managed to dig up, power up, and launch what appears to be a fully operational Battleship... Of unknown design. And not just any battleship, but a magically powered Juggernaut. This thing is MASSIVE. Six kilometers long, one kilometer wide, and radiating power in the astral spectrum the likes of which would make the Andraste sweat.

StratOps have been making a risk assessment, and they aren't liking the results. If this vessel is allowed to make orbit, it would take a full scale assault and massive losses in order to cripple, capture, or destroy it. In the hands of a rogue entity like Scagletti, this could well be a galactic level security issue.

We also intercepted a transmission that for some reason, the heavy hitters of RF6, who were on their way to engage the target, disappeared without a trace during their approach. That does not bode well for the TSAB forces currently attempting to handle the threat.

As such, I have decided to authorize action against this threat.

Currently, the vessel seems to be in more or less passive operational state. It's weapons systems are fairly inactive, and it's rising at a lazy 58 feet per second, and will reach low orbit at 120 miles in roughly three hours. It's almost as if whoever's in control doesn't really know how to handle a capital ship. According to scans, it has a huge block of engines and should be capable of far greater thrust to weight power. Should someone onboard figure out how to get the main drives up to full power, its TTO could decrease alarmingly.

Thus, we need to strike the vessel, and strike it NOW while it's weak.

StratOps warns that direct carrier intervention on our part is suicide given it's weapons displayed thus far, but based on the number of TSAB mages attacking it, there is a high probability that a fighter equiped with anti-capship weaponry can destroy, cripple, or at least slow the vessel down in its current state, buying time for the TSAB task force to intercept.

This is where you come in. You're our best fighter pilot. You will engage this vessel, and attempt to cripple or destroy it. I can't trust any of our other pilots to this mission.

Failure is not an option.

You will be allowed to select the vehicle and armament best suited to your skills in this mission...

X to Continue...

Spoiler for X :

You find yourself suited up on the flight deck. Before you, several fighters are being prepared for launch. Each one of them has an insignia painted on it. The insiginia appears to be a mouse with a flght helmet on, visor down, but an angry sneer visible in the teeth below. The mouse is flexing it's arm, showing off bulging muscles while it pulls on the whiskers of a rather beat up looking cat. Below it are words...

MOUSE
151rst Tactical Starfighter Squadron
"No one is mightier."

A flight technician runs up to you, saluting quickly before speaking.

"We're ready when you are sir! We prepped the craft and weapons as the commander wanted them. All you've got to do is tell us which weapons you want, and which fighter you want them on, and we'll have it ready by the time you're strapped in...

[SELECT YOUR FIGHTER]

A: SF-36 'Raptor Intercecptor' ATASI

"The SF Thirty-six is designed for Aerospace superiority and is the most advanced interceptor fighter in the fleet. It is fast, agile, and quite capable of handing itself in any dogfight. However, it lacks ordinance capacity of earlier fighters."

SPEED: Superior
MANEUEVERABILITY: Superior
FIREPOWER: GOOD
DEFENSE: GOOD
PRIMARY WEAPON: Stormbolt III-A7 'Switchblade'
SPECIAL: Oracle Combat Management Computer


B: SF-30 C "Phoenix" Fighter/Bomber

"The Phoenix is quite the favorite for many pilots because of its praised ability for hypersonic attack runs. This bomber has the ordinance to pack against even large capital ships thanks to the ability to carry larger anti-ship missiles in the most numbers. However, it's design emphasizes speed blitzing targets over agility. When it comes to a turning fight, it's not the best at cornering, but can handle very wide high G turns at high speed."

SPEED: Excelent
MANEUVERABILITY: Okay
FIREPOWER: AWESOME
DEFENSE: Good
PRIMARY WEAPON: Stormbolt III-A4
SPECIAL: Immune to light, thermal energy based weapons. (Drone lasers not strong enough to damage thermal protective coating.)

C: A/GS-80 "Venator" Assault Gunship

"The Venator is a versatile multipurpose attack craft, at home in either ground attack, air, or space combat roles quite equally. It carries an array of anti-vehicle weapons designed mainly for ground attack, though capship work is perfectly possible. The added bonus of the gunner allows this vehicle to engage multiple targets simultaniously with a forward mounted, turreted rotary Stormbolt A-II C variant. However, the Venator is not very fast compared to most advanced starfighters, and has rather poor accelleration... Though because of the number of directional thrusters onboard, it can 'dance' in the air quite impressively with the right pilot."


SPEED: Okay
MANEUVERABILITY: Wicked
FIREPOWER: Vicious
DEFENSE: Low
PRIMARY WEAPON: Twin Stormbolt IV Light Capital Cannons
SPECIAL: Rotary Stormbolt II C Variant.


[ORDINANCE SELECTION]




"Sir, select your ordinance Profile..."


1: Aerospace Superiority
"Your ship will be equipped for dogfighting. Shurikens will be your primary loadout, with a side of Black Reavers for tougher targets. Whatever you encounter, you expect the biggest issue to be from attacking drones, and need the ability to handle them so you can concentrate on your objective. You'll save your guns for making attack runs on the capital ship after you find a good weak point to exploit."

2: Versatile loadout.
"We'll load your craft up with Crusaders. Those things can target just about anything that your sensors can identify. They aren't the best against faster targets, but you can shoot what you have to, and still pack a wallop against larger targets."

3: Assault Mix ( I or II)
"This is a favorite for most strike missions. We'll load you up with an aerospace combat loadout, but leave 1/3 of your capcity for using Crusaders (I), or Sledgehammers (II) for doing the heavy hitting. Be warned. You can only hold half as many hammers as crusaders." [ALERT! Sledgehammer not available on Venator]

4: Anti-Capital
"I understand that since your target is a very LARGE capital ship, you want to forego wasting space on light weapons and just go with the biggest weapons in the arsenal. We'll load you up with Sledgehammer missiles and let the fusion warheads do the work. I needn't remind you that the fusion warheads might be a bit dangerous to use within an atmosphere with friendlies in the viscinity. But what choice do we have? Remember of course, that you can only hold half as many Sledgehammers as other missiles due to their larger size."

Are you up for the challenge?

Select your fighter, and select your ordinance loadout, and prepare for launch.

Well, why not.

No idea how the RF6 Aces disappeared while the TSAB mooks were able to engage. Possibly something in their path but not in the path the TSAB mooks took?

Normally I would choose the Raptor, but this time it may lack the firepower. Hopefully since there are no reports of enemy fighters the Phoenix will be able to go in unopposed. I choose the Phoenix.

The first loadout doesn't make sense now due to the lack of enemy fighter presence. The second seems fine, although it lacks versatility. The third feels like the best choice, since I have a gut feeling that there are more than just drones >.>, so I would choose Assault Mix II.

Is returning to base for rearming allowed?

[Saint X]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Well, we haven't seen earth in the Nanohaverse in over a decade, set the story post-StrikerS and you're set to go.

Even with the rate Earth progresses, i simply can't grasp that Earth will have even the smallest idea of magic usage- well unless you count in the "hidden".

Originally Posted by Keroko

Also, what's that page from?

Twinkle Saber Nova

[MeisterBabylon]

Hehe. It's all free game, X. Especially with the dearth of details from Earth. It's workable I think.

As for connecting it to Negima World at the same time... As said before, actually connecting several worlds at once kinda spoils the broths. I can see how it might work, but I can also see how it can be a bad idea. If Negima magical ministorum is willing to go to such extents to destroy a child of the Queen of Calamity, they would nuke the whole of Japan flat just to make sure none of those related to Touma, himself and his growing harem, ever live to procreate... And that's not going to be very nice... And on top of that it completely turns into a Negima Touma crossover with Nanoha World cast thrown in!

This is a perfect time to scream ONOREEE DIKEIDOOO. =P

[Tabasco]

Originally Posted by AdmiralTigerclaw

Time to play a little game.

This game is called: Cradle Robber.



The objective of the game is to win the scenario through your choice of actions voted upon. You have three lives.

Shal we begin?

Spoiler for START!:

[LOADING...]

GCFA FORWARD OPERATIONS COMMAND
Phantom Class Carrier: Silent Hill

"We apologize for waking you at this hour commander, but this came up rather suddenly."

Fifteen minutes ago, we detected a massive disturbance on the surface of the planet Mid-Childa, our current orbital stealth survey assignment. I didn't believe it myself until I saw the satellite footage, but it looks like that maniac Scagletti wasn't as stupid as we thought.

The mad scientist has managed to dig up, power up, and launch what appears to be a fully operational Battleship... Of unknown design. And not just any battleship, but a magically powered Juggernaut. This thing is MASSIVE. Six kilometers long, one kilometer wide, and radiating power in the astral spectrum the likes of which would make the Andraste sweat.

StratOps have been making a risk assessment, and they aren't liking the results. If this vessel is allowed to make orbit, it would take a full scale assault and massive losses in order to cripple, capture, or destroy it. In the hands of a rogue entity like Scagletti, this could well be a galactic level security issue.

We also intercepted a transmission that for some reason, the heavy hitters of RF6, who were on their way to engage the target, disappeared without a trace during their approach. That does not bode well for the TSAB forces currently attempting to handle the threat.

As such, I have decided to authorize action against this threat.

Currently, the vessel seems to be in more or less passive operational state. It's weapons systems are fairly inactive, and it's rising at a lazy 58 feet per second, and will reach low orbit at 120 miles in roughly three hours. It's almost as if whoever's in control doesn't really know how to handle a capital ship. According to scans, it has a huge block of engines and should be capable of far greater thrust to weight power. Should someone onboard figure out how to get the main drives up to full power, its TTO could decrease alarmingly.

Thus, we need to strike the vessel, and strike it NOW while it's weak.

StratOps warns that direct carrier intervention on our part is suicide given it's weapons displayed thus far, but based on the number of TSAB mages attacking it, there is a high probability that a fighter equiped with anti-capship weaponry can destroy, cripple, or at least slow the vessel down in its current state, buying time for the TSAB task force to intercept.

This is where you come in. You're our best fighter pilot. You will engage this vessel, and attempt to cripple or destroy it. I can't trust any of our other pilots to this mission.

Failure is not an option.

You will be allowed to select the vehicle and armament best suited to your skills in this mission...

X to Continue...

Spoiler for X :

You find yourself suited up on the flight deck. Before you, several fighters are being prepared for launch. Each one of them has an insignia painted on it. The insiginia appears to be a mouse with a flght helmet on, visor down, but an angry sneer visible in the teeth below. The mouse is flexing it's arm, showing off bulging muscles while it pulls on the whiskers of a rather beat up looking cat. Below it are words...

MOUSE
151rst Tactical Starfighter Squadron
"No one is mightier."

A flight technician runs up to you, saluting quickly before speaking.

"We're ready when you are sir! We prepped the craft and weapons as the commander wanted them. All you've got to do is tell us which weapons you want, and which fighter you want them on, and we'll have it ready by the time you're strapped in...

[SELECT YOUR FIGHTER]

A: SF-36 'Raptor Intercecptor' ATASI

"The SF Thirty-six is designed for Aerospace superiority and is the most advanced interceptor fighter in the fleet. It is fast, agile, and quite capable of handing itself in any dogfight. However, it lacks ordinance capacity of earlier fighters."

SPEED: Superior
MANEUEVERABILITY: Superior
FIREPOWER: GOOD
DEFENSE: GOOD
PRIMARY WEAPON: Stormbolt III-A7 'Switchblade'
SPECIAL: Oracle Combat Management Computer


B: SF-30 C "Phoenix" Fighter/Bomber

"The Phoenix is quite the favorite for many pilots because of its praised ability for hypersonic attack runs. This bomber has the ordinance to pack against even large capital ships thanks to the ability to carry larger anti-ship missiles in the most numbers. However, it's design emphasizes speed blitzing targets over agility. When it comes to a turning fight, it's not the best at cornering, but can handle very wide high G turns at high speed."

SPEED: Excelent
MANEUVERABILITY: Okay
FIREPOWER: AWESOME
DEFENSE: Good
PRIMARY WEAPON: Stormbolt III-A4
SPECIAL: Immune to light, thermal energy based weapons. (Drone lasers not strong enough to damage thermal protective coating.)

C: A/GS-80 "Venator" Assault Gunship

"The Venator is a versatile multipurpose attack craft, at home in either ground attack, air, or space combat roles quite equally. It carries an array of anti-vehicle weapons designed mainly for ground attack, though capship work is perfectly possible. The added bonus of the gunner allows this vehicle to engage multiple targets simultaniously with a forward mounted, turreted rotary Stormbolt A-II C variant. However, the Venator is not very fast compared to most advanced starfighters, and has rather poor accelleration... Though because of the number of directional thrusters onboard, it can 'dance' in the air quite impressively with the right pilot."


SPEED: Okay
MANEUVERABILITY: Wicked
FIREPOWER: Vicious
DEFENSE: Low
PRIMARY WEAPON: Twin Stormbolt IV Light Capital Cannons
SPECIAL: Rotary Stormbolt II C Variant.


[ORDINANCE SELECTION]




"Sir, select your ordinance Profile..."


1: Aerospace Superiority
"Your ship will be equipped for dogfighting. Shurikens will be your primary loadout, with a side of Black Reavers for tougher targets. Whatever you encounter, you expect the biggest issue to be from attacking drones, and need the ability to handle them so you can concentrate on your objective. You'll save your guns for making attack runs on the capital ship after you find a good weak point to exploit."

2: Versatile loadout.
"We'll load your craft up with Crusaders. Those things can target just about anything that your sensors can identify. They aren't the best against faster targets, but you can shoot what you have to, and still pack a wallop against larger targets."

3: Assault Mix ( I or II)
"This is a favorite for most strike missions. We'll load you up with an aerospace combat loadout, but leave 1/3 of your capcity for using Crusaders (I), or Sledgehammers (II) for doing the heavy hitting. Be warned. You can only hold half as many hammers as crusaders." [ALERT! Sledgehammer not available on Venator]

4: Anti-Capital
"I understand that since your target is a very LARGE capital ship, you want to forego wasting space on light weapons and just go with the biggest weapons in the arsenal. We'll load you up with Sledgehammer missiles and let the fusion warheads do the work. I needn't remind you that the fusion warheads might be a bit dangerous to use within an atmosphere with friendlies in the viscinity. But what choice do we have? Remember of course, that you can only hold half as many Sledgehammers as other missiles due to their larger size."

Are you up for the challenge?

Select your fighter, and select your ordinance loadout, and prepare for launch.

I'll take a stab.

The name of the game here is 'bombs on target, come home alive,' so putzing around dogfighting drones is a non starter.

Phoenix with Anti-capital loadout please.

[RadiantBeam]

A little BtBR short... slightly spoiler-ific for the ending, at least one of three versions that I currently have in mind. @_@ It wasn't supposed to get this complicated...

Spoiler for Saving Strength:

Subaru Nakajima had just had her ass completely and thoroughly kicked.

She was the happiest girl alive.

“That was AWESOME!”

Teana groaned and rubbed her sore bum, glaring at her partner grumpily as Nanoha’s Barrier Jacket dissolved. “What fight were you in?” she muttered as Subaru giggled like a school girl.

“That was so cool!” Subaru sat up, grinning at Nanoha. “You’re really strong, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha rubbed the back of her head, smiling sheepishly and wondering just how badly Hayate and Yuuno would grill her for the several new smoking craters that had been installed into the training grounds. “Nyahahaha, if you say so, Subaru.”

“I know so!” Subaru nodded and grinned at Teana. “She’s really strong, right?”

“Yes, Subaru, she’s amazingly strong.” Teana wondered if she’d ever be able to sit down properly again.

Subaru’s eyes gleamed as she smiled at her mentor. “I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha blinked; her eyes widened briefly even as her hands trembled. She tilted her head quickly to the side and coughed, tightening her hands into fists. For just a moment, Teana thought she saw a great, crushing anguish pass across the White Devil’s face; a sort of loss, a helpless look.

“… If you say so, Subaru,” Nanoha whispered, and her hands slowly relaxed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

Beep.

Nanoha could never get used to it; the silence, the stillness, the whiteness. She knew all hospital rooms were designed this way for a reason, she just didn’t like to think about it. Ignoring the steady beeping of the monitor—thinking about it would drive her insane—the brunette pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.

Beep.

Several seconds of silence passed before Nanoha cleared her throat, looking down on the sleeping woman who lay in the bed. “Hey, Onee-sama,” she whispered.

Beep.

“You’ll never guess what happened today. I was training the Star team… Teana Lanstar and Subaru Nakajima, I told you about them already… and Subaru made such a funny comment.” Nanoha laughed lightly. “I guess it’s expected of her, she’s still in her idol-worship stage.”

Beep.

“… You know, you really need to wake up soon.” Nanoha leaned over, gently brushing loose strands of blonde hair back out of the sleeping woman’s face. “You’re getting really pale. I think you lost some weight. Fiasse-chan will scold me for not keeping a better eye on you when she comes to visit, you know?” Her voice wavered, cracked dangerously. “So it would be great if you’d wake up. It’s been four years. You’ve missed a lot.”

Beep.

“But then again…” Nanoha swallowed hard. “If you need to sleep a little longer, than sleep. That’s okay, too. I mean, you probably really tired yourself out four years ago…”

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

Feeling the tears rise, Nanoha stood and gently covered the sleeping woman’s hand with her own, giving a light squeeze before she leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “I hope you’re having sweet dreams, Onee-sama,” she whispered, and the tears fell despite her best efforts. Shaking her head, Nanoha quietly stepped back and left the room, closing the door behind her with a click that felt so horribly final.

Beep.

Elise McGaren continued to sleep, seeming completely unaware that she’d even been visited. On the desk by her bed lay a pair of guns, gleaming dimly in the afternoon sunlight; Nanoha had fought tooth and nail to keep them with their owner, even given her current comatose state.

As warm sunlight spilled into the room, the hand Nanoha had squeezed trembled once before going still.

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

You’re wrong, Subaru… I only have this kind of strength because someone else saved me.

Beep.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

1. Again, one of three endings I have in mind. Nothing concrete yet, but... just something I wanted to test out, for the feel of it. This is the conclusion to a "bittersweet" ending that Dezo suggested, where Elise saves Nanoha but goes into a comatose state not long after.

2. Set early on in StrikerS, so Subaru is still in her "ZOMG NANOHA-SAN!" mode.

3. Random inspiration that was bugging me all day, so I wrote it out. Yep. Why the hell can't I do this when I have stories and series that need to be updated?!

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

A little BtBR short... slightly spoiler-ific for the ending, at least one of three versions that I currently have in mind. @_@ It wasn't supposed to get this complicated...

Spoiler for Saving Strength:

Subaru Nakajima had just had her ass completely and thoroughly kicked.

She was the happiest girl alive.

“That was AWESOME!”

Teana groaned and rubbed her sore bum, glaring at her partner grumpily as Nanoha’s Barrier Jacket dissolved. “What fight were you in?” she muttered as Subaru giggled like a school girl.

“That was so cool!” Subaru sat up, grinning at Nanoha. “You’re really strong, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha rubbed the back of her head, smiling sheepishly and wondering just how badly Hayate and Yuuno would grill her for the several new smoking craters that had been installed into the training grounds. “Nyahahaha, if you say so, Subaru.”

“I know so!” Subaru nodded and grinned at Teana. “She’s really strong, right?”

“Yes, Subaru, she’s amazingly strong.” Teana wondered if she’d ever be able to sit down properly again.

Subaru’s eyes gleamed as she smiled at her mentor. “I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha blinked; her eyes widened briefly even as her hands trembled. She tilted her head quickly to the side and coughed, tightening her hands into fists. For just a moment, Teana thought she saw a great, crushing anguish pass across the White Devil’s face; a sort of loss, a helpless look.

“… If you say so, Subaru,” Nanoha whispered, and her hands slowly relaxed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

Beep.

Nanoha could never get used to it; the silence, the stillness, the whiteness. She knew all hospital rooms were designed this way for a reason, she just didn’t like to think about it. Ignoring the steady beeping of the monitor—thinking about it would drive her insane—the brunette pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.

Beep.

Several seconds of silence passed before Nanoha cleared her throat, looking down on the sleeping woman who lay in the bed. “Hey, Onee-sama,” she whispered.

Beep.

“You’ll never guess what happened today. I was training the Star team… Teana Lanstar and Subaru Nakajima, I told you about them already… and Subaru made such a funny comment.” Nanoha laughed lightly. “I guess it’s expected of her, she’s still in her idol-worship stage.”

Beep.

“… You know, you really need to wake up soon.” Nanoha leaned over, gently brushing loose strands of blonde hair back out of the sleeping woman’s face. “You’re getting really pale. I think you lost some weight. Fiasse-chan will scold me for not keeping a better eye on you when she comes to visit, you know?” Her voice wavered, cracked dangerously. “So it would be great if you’d wake up. It’s been four years. You’ve missed a lot.”

Beep.

“But then again…” Nanoha swallowed hard. “If you need to sleep a little longer, than sleep. That’s okay, too. I mean, you probably really tired yourself out four years ago…”

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

Feeling the tears rise, Nanoha stood and gently covered the sleeping woman’s hand with her own, giving a light squeeze before she leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “I hope you’re having sweet dreams, Onee-sama,” she whispered, and the tears fell despite her best efforts. Shaking her head, Nanoha quietly stepped back and left the room, closing the door behind her with a click that felt so horribly final.

Beep.

Elise McGaren continued to sleep, seeming completely unaware that she’d even been visited. On the desk by her bed lay a pair of guns, gleaming dimly in the afternoon sunlight; Nanoha had fought tooth and nail to keep them with their owner, even given her current comatose state.

As warm sunlight spilled into the room, the hand Nanoha had squeezed trembled once before going still.

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

You’re wrong, Subaru… I only have this kind of strength because someone else saved me.

Beep.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

1. Again, one of three endings I have in mind. Nothing concrete yet, but... just something I wanted to test out, for the feel of it. This is the conclusion to a "bittersweet" ending that Dezo suggested, where Elise saves Nanoha but goes into a comatose state not long after.

2. Set early on in StrikerS, so Subaru is still in her "ZOMG NANOHA-SAN!" mode.

3. Random inspiration that was bugging me all day, so I wrote it out. Yep. Why the hell can't I do this when I have stories and series that need to be updated?!

I'm not actually sure that Subaru ever grew out of "ZOMG NANOHA-SAN!" mode...

What I find interesting (and no doubt part of why you're hair-pulling) is that this isn't even spun off the end of the story, just the Nanoha's-Linker-Core-Depletion and the Mystery-What's-Wrong-With-Elise subplots. It doesn't even touch on the main villain, Fiasse, and Tiore's diary! Or on any of the romantic subplots!

Good story, though. I like Tea's wondering if she'd ever be able to sit properly, and Subaru in all her innocence jamming her rollerblade hard into her mouth. This part was the most poignant:

“… You know, you really need to wake up soon.” Nanoha leaned over, gently brushing loose strands of blonde hair back out of the sleeping woman’s face. “You’re getting really pale. I think you lost some weight. Fiasse-chan will scold me for not keeping a better eye on you when she comes to visit, you know?” Her voice wavered, cracked dangerously. “So it would be great if you’d wake up. It’s been four years. You’ve missed a lot.”

That and for some reason, the beeps. The beeps really got to me. Probably because they never stopped, and you ended on one.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

A little BtBR short... slightly spoiler-ific for the ending, at least one of three versions that I currently have in mind. @_@ It wasn't supposed to get this complicated...

Spoiler for Saving Strength:

Subaru Nakajima had just had her ass completely and thoroughly kicked.

She was the happiest girl alive.

“That was AWESOME!”

Teana groaned and rubbed her sore bum, glaring at her partner grumpily as Nanoha’s Barrier Jacket dissolved. “What fight were you in?” she muttered as Subaru giggled like a school girl.

“That was so cool!” Subaru sat up, grinning at Nanoha. “You’re really strong, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha rubbed the back of her head, smiling sheepishly and wondering just how badly Hayate and Yuuno would grill her for the several new smoking craters that had been installed into the training grounds. “Nyahahaha, if you say so, Subaru.”

“I know so!” Subaru nodded and grinned at Teana. “She’s really strong, right?”

“Yes, Subaru, she’s amazingly strong.” Teana wondered if she’d ever be able to sit down properly again.

Subaru’s eyes gleamed as she smiled at her mentor. “I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength, Nanoha-san!”

Nanoha blinked; her eyes widened briefly even as her hands trembled. She tilted her head quickly to the side and coughed, tightening her hands into fists. For just a moment, Teana thought she saw a great, crushing anguish pass across the White Devil’s face; a sort of loss, a helpless look.

“… If you say so, Subaru,” Nanoha whispered, and her hands slowly relaxed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX

Beep.

Nanoha could never get used to it; the silence, the stillness, the whiteness. She knew all hospital rooms were designed this way for a reason, she just didn’t like to think about it. Ignoring the steady beeping of the monitor—thinking about it would drive her insane—the brunette pulled a chair close to the bed and sat down.

Beep.

Several seconds of silence passed before Nanoha cleared her throat, looking down on the sleeping woman who lay in the bed. “Hey, Onee-sama,” she whispered.

Beep.

“You’ll never guess what happened today. I was training the Star team… Teana Lanstar and Subaru Nakajima, I told you about them already… and Subaru made such a funny comment.” Nanoha laughed lightly. “I guess it’s expected of her, she’s still in her idol-worship stage.”

Beep.

“… You know, you really need to wake up soon.” Nanoha leaned over, gently brushing loose strands of blonde hair back out of the sleeping woman’s face. “You’re getting really pale. I think you lost some weight. Fiasse-chan will scold me for not keeping a better eye on you when she comes to visit, you know?” Her voice wavered, cracked dangerously. “So it would be great if you’d wake up. It’s been four years. You’ve missed a lot.”

Beep.

“But then again…” Nanoha swallowed hard. “If you need to sleep a little longer, than sleep. That’s okay, too. I mean, you probably really tired yourself out four years ago…”

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

Feeling the tears rise, Nanoha stood and gently covered the sleeping woman’s hand with her own, giving a light squeeze before she leaned down, placing a soft kiss on her temple. “I hope you’re having sweet dreams, Onee-sama,” she whispered, and the tears fell despite her best efforts. Shaking her head, Nanoha quietly stepped back and left the room, closing the door behind her with a click that felt so horribly final.

Beep.

Elise McGaren continued to sleep, seeming completely unaware that she’d even been visited. On the desk by her bed lay a pair of guns, gleaming dimly in the afternoon sunlight; Nanoha had fought tooth and nail to keep them with their owner, even given her current comatose state.

As warm sunlight spilled into the room, the hand Nanoha had squeezed trembled once before going still.

Beep.

“I bet you’ve never failed to save anyone with that kind of strength!”

You’re wrong, Subaru… I only have this kind of strength because someone else saved me.

Beep.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

1. Again, one of three endings I have in mind. Nothing concrete yet, but... just something I wanted to test out, for the feel of it. This is the conclusion to a "bittersweet" ending that Dezo suggested, where Elise saves Nanoha but goes into a comatose state not long after.

2. Set early on in StrikerS, so Subaru is still in her "ZOMG NANOHA-SAN!" mode.

3. Random inspiration that was bugging me all day, so I wrote it out. Yep. Why the hell can't I do this when I have stories and series that need to be updated?!

Nice...so sad, but still, not the worse-case-scenario we were talking about! Poor Subaru and her foot-in-mouth...I like the drama that's keep light, so that the underlying powerful emotions come through instead. Great work!

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

That and for some reason, the beeps. The beeps really got to me. Probably because they never stopped, and you ended on one.

At least it didn't end on the lack of a beep

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by deathcurse

At least it didn't end on the lack of a beep

Oh? Would that have been worse?

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Oh? Would that have been worse?

If the last scene had been extended enough so that we were going..."Wait, why no beep?"

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

If the last scene had been extended enough so that we were going..."Wait, why no beep?"

NO! Don't give her ideas! *tackle*

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

If the last scene had been extended enough so that we were going..."Wait, why no beep?"

I'm just surprised the beeps were even poignant.

Ideas? What ideas?

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

If the last scene had been extended enough so that we were going..."Wait, why no beep?"

But it would actually be a long uninterupted beep that we don't want. No beep means power outage...

...which might mean the same thing, just delayed...

[TheShinySword]

Now now stop giving RB depressing ideas.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Now now stop giving RB depressing ideas.

Actually, the original ending for that short was supposed to be one long beep, so...

[spawnofthejudge]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Actually, the original ending for that short was supposed to be one long beep, so...

...I dislike being right.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge

...I dislike being right.

Yeah, had a change of heart at the last minute. Felt like a cruel thing to do, especially to Nanoha.