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2008-04-13, 02:20 | Link #1 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Tamekichi's Work
Hey yo.
For now, all I have is this Fan fic I have been working on. I would like some critique on it, as I've had this story idea in mind, and just wrote it out as more things materialized. I tried my best to stick to canon Kyon narration, but it's really easy to deviate away from that, so give me some criticism. Ich liebe dich This is a Kyon x Yuki fan fiction story, written in the style of Kyon's narrative in the novels. Kyon finds that Yuki is slowly getting more human feelings due to the emotion of love affecting her. Kyon goes through various situations with this new emotion filled Nagato, as well as trying to deal with his everyday responsibilities with the SOS Brigade, as Haruhi arranges for activities like a movie outing and a sleep over at Yuki's. This is not an adult story, as I want to stay as close to the Canon style narrative as possible, but I do have a little fun writing it. Just can't help myself sometimes. Gotten up to 57,019 words now, so settle in if your going to read it all. Spoiler for Chapter 1: Diary:
Y'know that period during the school year when time seems to be going at a normal pace, but before you know it, the end of the school year is upon you? I always think "Where did the year go, I can't seem to remember it passing so fast." It's that time that is seemingly in between the crawling clip of the start of the year and the similar slothful celerity of the end of the year. Somewhere, it picks up without my knowing. There is a time when I stop thinking "I wish this year was over" and only start thinking about what I have to do tomorrow. It sure does make it seem like the year flew by.
Of course, I can only realize this when I'm sitting quietly in the clubroom playing board games with Koizumi, quietly sipping on Asahina-san's tea. My mind, coupled with my eyes, wanders around the room at various times until I arrive at something that can keep my captious attention from wavering anymore. Sometimes I stop on the ever-still alien reading her book in the corner. Today it looks like she's reading a French novel, "L’Étranger". I can't help but think back on picturing Nagato's various emotions, however little thought I had to expel to do it was enough. Nagato suddenly realized my eyes had stumbled upon her. The only way I knew this was because her own lavender eyes had darted toward me, and instantaneously darted back to the pages of her book. It was imperceptible, but, having hung around Nagato for at least a year and a half, I feel I can almost sense these things about her. Huh. I'd never seen her trademark concentration broken like that. Just then, my random musings on the staggered pace of the year and the stagnate state of the clubroom were suddenly broken by the one person who brought us all together. "YAHOO!" Her trademark overbearing voice blasted as she slammed the door open. Asahina-san cutely squealed as she made sure all her preparations for Haruhi's enter were complete, running to get our Brigade Commander her Oolong tea. "Thanks Mikuru!" She tossed her bag in the corner and plopped down on the Commander's chair, in front of the commander's desk and the computer we extorted from those poor computer club members. "Kyon! What is something every group of friends needs to experience?" You not coming up with dumb ideas? I don't know, I give up. "Stupid. We all need to go to a movie together, and have a sleep over!" What? Are we little 4th grade girls now? "It doesn't matter Kyon, if we have fun that will be all that counts. Since we all know where Yuki's place is and we know her parents are never there for some reason, let’s have it there tomorrow night!" Don't just go making plans at someone else's house for a party! I looked at Nagato. She had stopped reading and was now intently staring at Haruhi. "Sounds like it will be a fun time." Koizumi's stupid smile and ever agreeing face only made these ideas more acceptable in Haruhi's mind. "A-a sleep over?" Asahina-san held the tea tray to her chest as she posed this meaningless question. Haruhi jumped out of her seat with the quickness of a gymnast. She latched onto Asahina-san with her arms as a small sound could be heard "Kyaa~!" "Of course a sleep over Mikuru! Won't it be fun? We can stay up and tell ghost stories and play games all night. Hey, maybe even something mysterious will happen! Boy that would be great! Let’s have a talent contest too! Everyone has to do something tomorrow night to entertain the rest!" Wait a sec. Isn’t this kind of inappropriate? A sleep over with 5 high school students, not to mention one with both sexes. Plus, how are we supposed to come up with a show this quickly? At least for me, I'm not like anyone here, I'm untalented. "I already said it doesn't matter as long as we have fun! I won't let anything funny happen as Brigade Chief, so you'd better not try anything Kyon! You hear me?" How could I not hear you when you’re yelling right into my face? "Okay then! It's settled! Let's meet at the usual spot tomorrow at 6 PM for the movie! Afterward we'll head to Yuki's place." And just like that my Saturday night was decided. Sigh. Looks like I'll have to lie to my mother again about my whereabouts. I'll have to tell Kunikida to remember that I told her I was sleeping at his house. "I want everyone to get a good night's sleep tonight because tomorrow night is going to be a lot of fun! I don't think any of us will get any sleep! Dismissed!" Haruhi quickly said those words as she grabbed her bag, and with one hand up in the air waving, she darted from the room. That girl. How does she have such incredible mood swings. At times like these it's hard to remember the melancholy Haruhi that sits behind me in class sighing. Actually, no it's not. That quiet Haruhi is my favorite one. The rest of the people in the room did not move after Haruhi had gone. Nagato continued to look at the spot where Haruhi used to be. Koizumi just smiled as he turned his attention to cleaning up the board game. Asahina-san was still completely baffled. "...s-sleep over. I-i-is that okay? I'll need to get clearance" She was mumbling to herself again, as she seemed deep in thought but at the same time extremely worried. It's the same Asahina-san I had the pleasure of walking around town with that day I saved the spectacled boy from the van. "I'm sure it will be alright Asahina-san, at least, if Haruhi doesn't do anything wild." I tried to console her, as my insides seemed to melt when her emotions turned sour. Those tears that welled up in her eyes every so often were like the tears of my heart crying. Whoa, I need to get a grip. We're not in some soap opera here. After that Koizumi put the board game away and left, while Asahina-san asked me to leave the room to change. I waited outside to retrieve my bag from inside after she was done. I thought we had gotten through another day without something out of the ordinary happening. I thought. After I said goodbye to Asahina-san, I went in to retrieve my bag. Nagato was still there. Usually she has closed her book by this time. I grabbed my bag and headed towards the door. "See ya Nagato." I said without turning around. Just then I felt a familiar tug on my arm. I reminisced to the last time this tug had happened. Back when we were in the world where Haruhi had disappeared. Back when Nagato was not an alien, back when she had nothing to do with the Integrated Data Entity. Back when she was just a normal girl... I followed with my eyes down my arm to the disturbance, and there indeed was her hand, silently begging me to stay. Her face looked toward my shoes, bashfully, it seemed. "Eh? Is something wrong Nagato?" There was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach every time I thought about uttering these words. If Nagato were to think something is the matter, then something most definitely is the matter. Nagato slowly nodded her head. She let go of my sleeve and walked toward the back of the clubroom. Her bag and open novel were on the table. She continued to face away from me, with her head still focused on the floor. "Well, what is it? Is something wrong with Haruhi?" She shook her head an inch to either side. "Is there a disturbance or something?" She nodded the same slow nod as before. "Who's in trouble?" "Me." She answered. Needless to say I was shocked. Not just because Nagato has never been in trouble since I've known her, but because I heard a twinge in her voice, the first time I've ever heard her monotone slip. "You? What's wrong?" "..." She waited at least a 20 seconds to answer me. I couldn't tell if she was thinking or struggling to say what she wanted to say. She finally quietly let out an answer: "I am not myself." What? You not yourself? You're never not yourself! You're an alien. "Lately there have been disturbances in my data correlation abilities. I cannot process the data I used to process easily. The Entity is non-responsive." "..." Now it was my turn for silence. I waited for her to go on but she stopped there, and turned toward the side of the room, now looking down at her open book with her bag next to it. "Um... how long has this been happening?" "7 days." A week huh. I haven’t noticed anything. Actually, the only thing I've noticed was the glance she made at me today as I was staring at her. It was a normal reaction, but not for someone as abnormal as her. "Do you know what's wrong? What is causing this? Can you fix it?" "..." This time I was sure she was struggling to find the words. I thought perhaps I saw her flinch a little bit. C'mon Nagato, this is not like you at all. Don't scare me, you're the one I can trust the most. "I don't know." Don't know what. I asked three questions. "I... don't know how to fix it. I do know what is wrong and what caused it. There has been a disturbance in my existence. Something has been altered inside of me. It has been altered by... a person." Who Nagato? Who did this to you? "..." She stayed silent for a couple beats. She then raised her index finger. As it elevated, I saw it come to a stop, pointing directly at... "You." She said. Okay… what? Now I'm really confused. What did I do? I haven’t done anything weird in the past month, let alone a week! "...Nagato" I barely managed to helplessly squeak her name out before I saw something I am sure I'll never forget. Nagato was slightly shivering. I could not see her face under her bangs as she still had her head down. I turned my attention to where she was looking, her book. And there I saw 3 separate dots of moisture on the page. Nagato was... crying. "...Nagato" This time I said it with more force. What is going on? I'm really alarmed. Did I make Nagato cry? What is this? This certainly is not Nagato. Is it? She stood there, silently sobbing, wetting the pages of her book. I took a couple steps toward her. I really wanted to console her. It's the same feeling to protect as I get with Asahina-san. But it felt stronger right now. This was Nagato, my protector. Not the other way around. By now I was a couple feet from her, the both of us alone in the clubroom. The sun was low in the distance, and a wave of amber flowed over the room. It seemed like a dream. It must be a dream. I'm imagining this. She looked so helpless, so small and fragile. I reached my hand out to touch her. She suddenly backed away, the whole time not allowing me to see her face. She put her sleeve over her eyes as she hurridly stuffed her book into her bad and ran out of the room carrying it. I could hear her faint sobs as she ran past me. I was too speechless to move. I noticed as she turned the corner that she had dropped her book. What am I doing standing here? If anyone just saw this whole scene, please, agree with me, this is way too out of the ordinary. I unfroze, and, noticing my hand was still shoulder height in the position to touch Nagato, lowered it. I stared at the book. It looked less thick than the one she was reading. I walked over to it, and upon further inspection, realized it was not Nagato's novel. It was much thinner. A ribbon was protruding out of the top. It was a diary. It was Nagato's diary. Wait, Nagato's diary? What could an Alien Humanoid Interface need with a diary? Could she actually write about her... her thoughts, her emotions? My mind flashed back to the Disappearance world, back to when I asked to use the computer in the Literature Club room. Was Nagato hiding what she had written from me? Was she embarrassed? Was she... lonely? I picked up the small binding. It was a black book, with a black ribbon and pages as white as newly fallen snow. ...newly fallen snow... I realize the implications of reading someone else's personal thoughts, and the breaking of moral code by opening someone else's diary, but something was seriously wrong with Nagato. Besides, I thought, there is no way in hell I can pass up this chance. I flipped through the pages, realizing most all of them were empty. I had better start at the beginning. I closed the cover and then opened the front to the first page. It was dated 6 days ago. "Diary, I do not know what is happening. I do not understand. I am usually able to understand anything this world has to offer. But not now. Now I have these thoughts. There is jumbled data. Corrupted. I am using you to get the data I can remember out. It seems I am at my limit, and am losing my ability to process knowledge. I hope to be able to recognize the disturbance soon, and correct it." It was not a diary of happenings, but a diary of thoughts. Nagato's thoughts. The things I have always been puzzled by, I've always wondered if they were there. I've always wondered if Nagato had human thoughts. It is now apparent she does. On to the next page. My heart is pounding, for some reason. Maybe reading into the enigma of a girl's inner most thoughts is scary. Yeah that's it. "Diary, It has now been 3 days since this thing has happened to me, but I can safely say I know the reason. I can also say that it is possible to reverse this." I let out an involuntary sigh as I read this line. "But I cannot do it. This disturbance, taking affect on me 3 days ago. It is him. Kyon-kun. I have spent too long observing these organic lifeforms, and now I am feeling what they feel. I have pinpointed the one emotion that transformed my abilities and my own inner feelings. There is only one emotion among these organic lifeforms that can do it." ... "Love." Now I stopped reading. I lifted my eyes to gaze out the window. I was met by the same blinding amber color that was there before. The same color that was in the classroom when... when Nagato saved me from Asakura. Nagato... loves... me? No. Nope. Can't happen. No way. How is this possible? Even though I have come to know Nagato and her emotions, and have always regarded her as kind of cute, I never once thought that she felt anything like that. In fact, I didn't know she felt that much until now. Until me, and something 7 days ago. I thought about the time with Nakamura. Was she at least a little disappointed? "A little." she had said. I would have looked really idiotic to anyone who would have seen me at that moment. Kneeling on the floor with a diary in my hands, gazing out the window, my bag on the floor a couple feet away from me. Not moving. Wait. That is 5 days ago. What else could she have written? I turned to the next page carefully, as if I were to turn too fast Nagato's thoughts and words would fly off the page. "Diary, Now it is even harder for me to act so emotionless, and it seems it is going to get harder. I can not manipulate the data I need to anymore. I cannot do anything about my current state. All because of him. The only thing I can do is tell him. But I feel I can't do that. Today I stared at him in the clubroom for some time. I studied him. I long to call to him. To speak to him. Kyon. To hear the words leave my mouth and reach his ears. But this is forbidden, and only a dream for me now. These are the thoughts that swim in my head now. They circle like sharks, with my body, my mind, helplessly in the middle. I want someone to save me, but at the same time, I want to be eaten by these sharks." She is so poetic. This is really wrenching my heart. And to think, she just sits there while I ogle Asahina-san all the time, while Haruhi makes subtle advances on me, and she does nothing. Even Koizumi. Nah never mind. I didn't want to think about this, but my hand autonomously started turning to the next page. My image of Nagato was fading, and the blushing, smiling Nagato from last December is replacing it. "Dear Diary, I am slowly becoming just so powerless. I am becoming more like them. The lifeforms. But I can never be like them. All I want... is to be liked... by him. I had a dream last night. I was in this same apartment. It was as bare as it is now. I was cold, colder than I had ever felt. I tried to move, but I was frozen in the middle of the room. I started to cry. For the first time, I realized I had no control over what I controlled the most throughout my whole existence: myself. My tears slid off my cheeks, and hit the floor, each one hitting louder and louder until they disappeared into snowflakes. The snowflakes filled the room, matching my coldness. I cried for a while, not knowing what to do, not knowing what was wrong. Only knowing one thing. I needed him at that moment. I cried out 'Kyon-kun!' And then he appeared in my doorway. 'What's wrong Yuki-rin, we're going to be late.' He took my hand, and the gentle white flakes flushed past my face. I began to move with him, in synch with him, as he led me one step at a time to the door. ‘Kyon-kun’ I murmured. He stopped us right in the doorway and turned to me. 'Yuki-rin' he said quietly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. 'It will all be alright.' He said this as he pulled my body close to his, and embraced me. I then woke up out of my fairy tale, and the same snowflakes began welling in my eyes, as I stared through the blur at the barren apartment. My barren apartment with no life. My barren life, with no meaning. What is happening to me? ~ Yuki-rin" ... I was now held speechless by a book for the first time in my life. Well, not a book, but by Nagato. Her thoughts. Her dream. A dream about... me. She had signed it Yuki-rin. Yuki-rin. I can't read anymore. Or else I might start to cry. I took the diary and placed it in my bag, and headed out the door of the clubroom. I had to go to see her. Not for any reason, but… for clarification. This is just too much. My bike came to a screeching halt outside of Nagato's apartment building. I waited for someone to come out of the door, and then headed on inside, leaving my bag with the manager at the front. My bag... except for one thing that was in it. As I headed up to her room in the elevator, a wave of fear came over me. There is no last line of defense anymore. I can't keep having these weird things happen to me. What if another Asakura comes along. I'll be dead, that's what. I stood facing her door. I thought perhaps I heard the faint sound of a violin. I knocked twice softly, and the faint noice stopped. "...yes?" An answer. Nagato never answers, or rather, she answers with silence. Needless to say, it threw me off a little. "Nagato... it's... me, Kyon." "..." Now there was the silence. "Can I come in?" "..." I waited for about thirty seconds before I heard her. "...yes." She timidly opened the door, and once again, for like the thirtieth time today, I was surprised by what I saw. Nagato, in casual clothes, standing in front of an apartment more furnished than the one I had visited before. There were chairs and rugs and curtains and bookshelf’s and all sorts of things you'd think a human being would have. And Nagato herself, clad in a sleeveless white top with a ribbon tie, capri pants and sandals of the same color. Her head was again focused on my feet. Speechless. Surprised. Flabbergasted. All things that could describe me. We must have stood there like that for another minute or so before I regained thought and remembered why I came here. "Nagato." I said, raising my hand, and with it, the object it held. Nagato raised her head up, and her eyes widened a little as she read the words on the front of the object. "Diary of Nagato Yuki." She stood there looking at it. Her hands were at her sides. At least it was a trademark Nagato pose, sans the face. She spoke suddenly, taking her gaze away from the diary, and back to my feet. "Did you read it?" I didn't know how to answer. I really wish I hadn't so I didn't have to lie to her. Or do I want to lie to her at all, this humanoid interface who suddenly has, unbeknownst to her, confessed her love for me? I could only manage to stutter out an "uh..." before she put her hand out, palm up. "Please." She said. Now her eyes were on mine, the first time I had looked at these eyes straight on since she tugged at my shirt back at school. She sure was not freaking out like Asahina-san or Haruhi would. Of course, they would freak out in different ways, the latter of which would probably result in my face getting kicked. I slowly placed the diary in her hand. Her fingers curled around the black leather and ribbon as her other hand joined the first on the book. She opened it to the first page, and then closed it, and clutched it to her chest. A cute pose I might have enjoyed if I weren't so scared right now. Both her and my eyes darted away as we stood in awkward silence, the kind that reminded me of the first time I had met Nagato. I decided I needed to break this silence before I went crazy. "Nagato, what did you mean... when you said... I-i was the disturbance?" I knew the answer already. "..." But she did not answer. And contrary to the usual, it didn't seem like she was going to. In fact, I didn't really expect an answer now, as she closed her eyes. "Nagato, please. Don't cry again." I meant this. I did not want to have my conscience wrenched again. I could see tears forming, seeping out of her eyelids. It seemed like she was trying to stop, but couldn't. She couldn't control herself anymore. She opened her eyes to look at mine. The tears were now welled up, as she took her hand away from her diary and placed it on my chest, over my heart. The tears began to fall down her cheeks. "Please...go..." She said this as her face lowered, and she began to shake again, just like before. I saw a glimmer come from a falling crystal, a teardrop of immense meaning. "Nagato, I can't... not if you're..." "Please..." She took her hand off of me and returned it to her diary on her chest. She turned, and slowly started to close her door. "Nagato! Please!" I wanted so badly to talk to her, just to help her sort things out. I didn't want her to be like this, dreaming, stuck in a blizzard. "...please..." She said this with an even fainter tone as she sobbed. The door then closed over her, as I was again left out in the hallway. Alone, staring at the number 708. Spoiler for Chapter 2: Ich liebe dich:
So, as I lay in bed the next morning, trying hard to decide if I should show up to our movie gathering, I thought about this new Nagato. It seems that she has fallen in love with me, and this emotion has started to turn her from an alien interface into an actual human girl, complete with real... sigh... emotions. My sister came in to wake me up only to see my eyes already open, staring at the ceiling.
"Ohh, you're already awake. Hey where's Shami? Shami~!" I pointed to the cat I had tossed off the bed when I awoke. He was playing dead to spite me. Like I care, you get pampered enough you lazy feline. I stayed cooped up in my room all day thinking. About various things. About the movie. About what I should do for our stupid talent competition. About... Nagato. We're going to be staying at her apartment. I wonder if she'll be able to bear it with me around, if she cries every time she sees me now. I guess I'll find out. This certainly wasn't the Nagato I was used to. All I could do to ease my mind was flip through the various tv programs on or read manga, it certainly was relaxing when I wasn't thinking. Before I knew it though, it was time to get ready to head down to the station to meet. I got dressed after bathing and rode my bike down the oh so familiar street to get to our destination. Of course, I was 15 minutes early as I parked my bike. I turned the corner to see the complete SOS Brigade waiting for me, with the exception of the grunt, who was just about to join them. "Once again, you're late Kyon! You should have hurried, you showed up just after Yuki." Haruhi seemed full of joy as always. I turned my attention to the silent girl who had caused my brain so much trouble to past few hours. She was dressed in the North High uniform, complete with trademark Nagato cardigan. Hm. I guess she didn't want the rest of the brigade to know anything was up. That's going to be tough when we head over to her apartment and they see all her new furnishings. The group bought tickets and boarded a train headed to the cinema. I sat next to Koizumi, on purpose for once, across from Asahina-san, who was beside Haruhi and Nagato. Koizumi and I were on the other side of the train, and it didn't seem like they were paying much attention, so I figured I could talk. "Yo, Koizumi, you notice anything different about... anyone lately?" "Hm. No, can't say that I do. Did I miss something?" He said this as that stiff smile was plastered all over his face, coupling it with a few light chuckles. Get serious you ever smiling clown. "I think something may be different about Nagato." I said this as I looked in her direction. She was quietly and intently reading a novel while the hums of the train shifted her from right to left. I looked at the title on the book. "L’Étranger". It was the same French one from before. Weird. I'd never seen her reading the same thing twice. Koizumi looked too. "Now that you mention it, she does seem different as of late. I am no expert on Nagato-san though, as you seem to be. My expertise lies with Suzumiya-san, who lately has been very stable in her everyday happenings. She is very excited about this expedition we are going on." Now it's an expedition. For once, you sound right Koizumi, because that's how I feel whenever Haruhi forces us to do anything. “What have you noticed about Nagato-san?" Sigh. Nothing. Forget it. It was just a thought. I couldn’t explain what I had seen or read to him, he would just smile and go off about some type of theory about love or something. That wouldn't help at all. Maybe I could find that Kimidori girl, and ask her some things about Nagato, since they seemed to be sort of in the same faction. Naw, she would probably just tell me she knows nothing. We arrived at the stop and exited the train in the same fashion we entered, with Haruhi and Asahina-san up front giggling and talking, Nagato walking silently in the middle, and Koizumi and I bringing up the rear, one of us smiling and the other with a look of exhaustion. Guess who is who. I had to pay for our movie tickets for being late, as a penalty enforced by our resilient chief. The theater was dark and cool, making my ever present exhaustion creep up into my face and over my eyes, forcing my eyelids down throughout the movie. The movie we chose to see was, of course, a teen love drama. Go figure. Haruhi watched the movie intently, making remarks every now and then when something stupid would happen or when sarcasm would readily be accepted. Asahina-san acted, well, like I would have guessed she would. She paid attention throughout the movie, getting attached to the characters and crying near the end when the young couple finally pronounced their hidden love for each other. Koizumi didn't seem to pay much attention at all, but then again his face always looks the same. He would be a horrible movie critic. Then there was Nagato. I don't know if she moved throughout the whole movie. She just stared at the screen, seemingly non emotional, the old Nagato, the one I knew too well. The opposite of the one from yesterday. The only time I thought I saw her move was near the end of the movie when Asahina-san had started crying. She lowered her head slightly, seemingly to take her eyes off the screen. I was glad she didn't start crying like Asahina-san. I get scared with Nagato starts crying. Well, that wasted a sufficient amount of time. I would not have objected if it were a horror movie and I got to sit next to Asahina-san, but I'll just keep that to my dreams for now. Besides, my mind was too captivated by the next activity. The sleep over slash talent competition at Nagato's place. We headed back to her apartment in the same fashion, on the train. This time everyone seemed a lot more tired. Koizumi's face no longer showed the smile, as his head bobbed up and down, trying to stay awake. He's lucky Haruhi is not paying attention, as her head is resting against Asahina-san's, whose head is in turn on Haruhi's shoulder. The gentle time traveler was dozing off. Sigh, I would be enjoying this sight so much more if the coming night did not have so much ambiguity to it. Nagato was the same. Her and I seemed to be the only ones pseudo awake. She sat reading her novel. I sat looking at everyone else. About ten minutes into the ride, I looked again at Nagato to find that she was looking at me. Our eyes met for a brief second before hers returned to her novel. I wonder what she was thinking right now. Maybe something to put in her diary. If it was as hard to act emotionless as she had written, then she is doing a damn good job. After waking everyone up, and exiting the train, we walked to Nagato's apartment. The small nap had invigorated everyone who had taken part in it, as Haruhi was excitedly jumping around, and Koizumi was back to grinning 24/7. I still remained the same, with my eyelids half closed. Oh why oh why did spend today lounging around? It makes me sleepy. Nagato let us into her apartment complex, as we all squeezed into the elevator. I was eagerly anticipating seeing Nagato's apartment again, and to see what the other's say. We arrived on the seventh floor, as Nagato led the way to her apartment, with Haruhi and Asahina-san hot on her heels. It seemed they were both indeed grade school girls. I guess Asahina-san got that clearance or whatever, because she seemed like she was ready to have fun. Well if it's fun she wants... Nevermind. I don't know why I'm even thinking about that at a time like this, even though it's what I wish I was thinking about. Nagato unlocked the heavy door with the familiar three numbers on it. I had just been staring those numbers in the face last night, trying to match their rigidness. The door opened to reveal... The same room I was familiar with, no furniture except the square table in the center. Chalk this moment up to the first time for today that I have been shocked, I bet a lot more will happen soon. We each entered with our own enthusiasm, tossing our bags on the floor to the left, and heading to the other end of Nagato’s living room. The night proceeded on as Haruhi announced her plans, no doubt thought up a couple seconds ago. "Okay! First will be the talent portion of the night! We’ll draw toothpicks to see what order we go in!" You carry those around with you? "Shut up idiot. After everyone performs, your brigade chief will announce a winner and reward a prize!" Wait a minute. Does that mean you aren’t doing anything? You're just the judge? "Of course. There has to be a non-partisan party to judge the competition!" Oh, excuse me. I didn't know this was so serious and professional. "Everything is serious in the SOS Brigade!" I thought this was about having fun! "It is! And you'll do as you're told! Now, as I was saying, after the talent portion, we will change into pajamas and tell ghost stories while eating popcorn. Yuki, you have a flashlight and some popcorn, right?" Nagato nodded. Of course she does. If she didn't, I bet Koizumi would have brought the items just to make Haruhi happy. Speaking of which, he better not be planning any stupid mystery thing or something. "Don't worry, as this was just sprung upon us, I haven’t prepared anything. Although I'm sorry to hear you thought those were stupid, I worked hard on them." Well, the Tsuruya Mansion one was less fun, as the Island Mansion one was a surprise. Plus, I was the one who figured out the Island one, so it's my favorite. "Yes, we all remember, kudos." Shut up Koizumi. So we drew lots, each toothpick having either one, two, three, or no marks on them. I drew the one with one mark, so I was second. Koizumi was first, followed by Asahina-san coming third and Nagato being last. "Ohh, how disappointing. I guess the chivalric code is absent tonight." Haruhi said. What do you expect, this was all random. At least I think. Well, now I'm presented with having to watch Koizumi's stupid act. He donned a Magician’s hat as he performed a magic act with cards and other small corny magic props. I hope Nagato wasn't planning on reading fortunes, because that would be very similar to Koizumi's act. After my act, which I fail to mention on purpose, Asahina-san performed hers. "O-oh, it's my turn? Okay, one moment! Um, Suzumiya-san?" Asahina-san looked toward Haruhi. "Oh, right Mikuru! Mikuru and I worked on her act together, so stay right here!" Haruhi and Asahina-san smiled as they grabbed the bag Asahina-san had been carrying and entered the other room. We waited for about 10 minutes, at least I think, because I began dozing, but what I saw next woke me for the rest of the night. "Dun-dun-dun-Duhhhhh! Presenting..." "Tsuruya-chan!" There standing in the doorway of the adjacent room was Haruhi with her arms extended toward a figure in the same meiko costume that I'd seen at the last Culture Festival. Asahina-san was clad in the same homemade maid outfit as before. Her hair was parted off of her forehead into two long bangs lightly swaying next to her precious face. Her hair was let down now, as I sat perplexed at an auburn haired Tsuruya. "Nyorro~!" Asahina-san called out as she touched her index finder to her cheeck while smiling and winking. "Isn't this great Kyon! Mikuru had the great idea of cosplaying as Tsuruya-chan! Isn't she just the cutest?" "Thanks Haru-nyaa!" Asahina-san was really into the part, not even losing her smile as Haruhi hugged her to death. "The resemblance is uncanny." Koizumi said as he smiled with his Magician's hat on. What a douche. "What do you think Kyon-kun? Isn't this great Nyoro?" I was blown away by how two of my fantasy girls could be combined to create the most wonderful sight I had ever seen. She even had plastic fangs in her mouth. "Uh... y-y-yeah..." I stuttered out as my gaze continued to be glued on Asahina-san. She proceeded to dance around and try to act like Tsuruya, which wasn't that bad. Halfway through it, Haruhi somehow became Asahina-san as they played together. "Hey Mikuru-chan! Want to come to my mansion to look at all the fish in my pond?" "U-uh, no, I can't. I'm too small and scared and full of moe." Even though Haruhi was making a mockery of Asahina-san, she didn't mind, and I didn't so much either. After this spectacle went on for 10 more minutes, with my heart speeding up about 10 times as much, it was deemed that Asahina-san's act was done, and it was time for Nagato's. "Ok, what do you have planned for us Yuki?" Haruhi inquisitively asked her. Nagato stood up from her kneeling position, as everyone else was now kneeling or sitting, waiting for her act. She went into the other room, the same one Asahina-san and Haruhi had gone into, and came back with a violin. Hm. I didn't know Nagato played the violin. Of course, I didn't know she played the guitar either. In fact, Nagato probably didn't even know until 5 minutes before show time. "Ooh, are you going to play for us Yuki? I didn't know you played the violin! You're quite the cultured girl! I'm surprised you don't have nerds sprinting to be your boyfriend!" Haruhi made her usual pointless comments. Nagato stood in front of us, holding the violin in one hand and the accompanying bow in the other. She stood for about 30 seconds, without anyone saying anything. She then lifted the violin to her shoulder, placing it between her chin and the rest of her body in playing position, and touched the bow to the strings. "Ich liebe dich." Nagato said these words as she looked straight at me, and then began to move the bow across the strings. The sounds that I heard were some of the most beautiful sounds that had ever reached my ears. She was flawless. The violin bow came in contact with the strings, and seemingly by magic created music the likes of which my conscience had never dared to hear. The long notes couple with short jabs, played rhythmically and melodically. Perfectly. I was blown away. Just as I was beginning to be swayed by her beautiful violin, she began to sing. Nagato began to sing in a magnificent voice, one that was slightly different from her monotone, and was able to change pitch slightly. It worked marvelously, as she played and sung at the same time. I was a melted pile of steaming rubble inside. Her voice travelled around the room, filling the air with beauty, inviting us to taste the delicacy of her playing, the finest sound anyone could ever hope to pay for. We were now hearing it for free. I was amazed and dazed at the same time, being hypnotized by the slow moving Nagato. My eyes were half closed, as all I wanted to concentrate on was the notes entering my ears. I then realized. Her lyrics, the song she was playing. It was a love song. She closed her eyes as she played and sung, slowly swaying with the rhythm. She seemed lost in her own music, as if she was serenading herself. She played for about 5 minutes, ending the song on both a long note played from the violin, and sung from her lips. No one moved, as Nagato bent upright into her trademark position, and lowered her violin to her side. She was looking at me. I returned her gaze, staring right back into her eyes, telling her, Nagato, that was beautiful. You are beautiful. The group, except for me, suddenly snapped out of the trance induced by the singing violin and the serenading Nagato. Haruhi was the first to talk. "Wow." "..." What could anyone say after that. Now everyone shared my sentiment of speechlessness that this Nagato had caused for the past two days. Nagato turned and walked back to the room where the violin had come from, disappearing for a couple seconds before reappearing without her instrument. She went and kneeled next to Asahina-san. We were all still silent. I was still staring at her, as her head was focused on the floor in front of her. "Well, I can safely say that, even though Mikuru-chan put up a good fight, Yuki is the winner, hands down! Valiant effort Yuki! You're Brigade Chief is pleased. As for your reward for winning, you are now officially promoted to First Class Vice President of Operations of the SOS Brigade." Nagato did not move as Haruhi said this. The meaningless title meant only something to Haruhi. What a prize. "Now that the talent portion is done, it's time to change and get ready for ghost story time! Mikuru, you can change out of the maid costume, but you must keep your hair that way and continue to act like Tsuruya-Chan for the rest of the evening!" "W-w-whaaa? The whole rest of the evening? B-but... o-ok." At least you don't have to sleep in that maid outfit Asahina-san, although, I wouldn't mind... Gah! I can't think of that right now. My mind is completely focused on the quiet alien sitting across the room. Is she an alien anymore? I had never heard anyone sing like that before, it was even better than Haruhi at the Culture Festival last year. As we each returned to the room after having changed, Koizumi said to me: "I think you're right. Something is definitely different about Nagato-san." No shit Sherlock, what tipped you off? "Calm down. I have never heard her voice change like that. Her singing and playing were amazing." I agree with you there Koizumi. The night of ghost stories and popcorn eating went as planned, seemingly. Koizumi had the best ghost story, as Asahina-san fell out of acting like Tsuruya-san after the first couple of minutes, cowering under her blankets. Haruhi was seemingly satisfied after a while, and pronounced that we should all get to sleep, as we've had enough fun for one day. Yeah right. There is no way I can go to sleep now. My body is inverted; I was sleepy during the day and now I am wide awake at night. Maybe it's because of what happened to me during those intervals. No, not to me. Around me. And not maybe, definitely. I couldn't stop thinking about this whole last two days and this new change in Nagato. She seemed very strong tonight, much more reassuring than the previous night. The previous night that was filled with tears. We were all splayed out in Nagato's living room, since there wasn't any furniture to get in our way. I'll have to remember to ask Nagato what happened to all of her stuff. I lay next to Koizumi, who in turn was next to Haruhi, whose feet were next to Asahina-san's head. Nagato was on the other side of the room. I laid on my pillow with my hands behind my head, staring up at the ceiling; A familiar pose when something weird happened in my life in the last year and a half. Haruhi was already asleep, as was Asahina-san, exhausted from her extensive role playing and being scared straight by the ghost stories. I looked at Koizumi, whose body was slowly heaving up and down, indicating that he too was asleep. I turned my gaze over to where Nagato was, only to find that she was looking at me too. How many times is that today that our eyes have met randomly? We stared at each other for a couple minutes, as my heart began to beat softer. Suddenly, she spoke: "Was it good?" What? Did we just have sex or something? (Thank god I didn't say this out loud). "Did it sound good?" Oh. My face reddened as I thought of the last image in my head before answering. "It was unbelievably beautiful Nagato. I don't know where you learned to play or sing, but you seemed magical." I said this as I smiled, propping myself up on my arm to look at her. She was already sitting up. "Thank you." She simply replied. Her face turned away again to look down at her blankets, her bangs covering her eyes, as I saw her lips move. "It was for you." Spoiler for Chapter 3: Reverie:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1537636
Spoiler for Chapter 4: Sanctuary:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1542889
Spoiler for Chapter 5: Sand and Snow:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1559236
Spoiler for Chapter 6: Perpetua:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1564057
Spoiler for Chapter 7: Thoughtless:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1576048
Spoiler for Chapter 8: Patzen:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1586189
Spoiler for Chapter 9: World My Own:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1596168
Spoiler for Chapter 10: Uncia:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1612246
Spoiler for Chapter 11: Popscicles:
http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost.php?p=1630142
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Last edited by Tamekichi; 2008-06-02 at 23:13. |
2008-04-13, 14:01 | Link #2 |
Ka-na-me...^^
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So you drew the signature your self or is it something else? cause it's really beautifull.
Also you're way of making story's looks very good, i had fun reading it. Most of the times i don't read novels and fan fics i mostly read manga but this made me wanna finish it. I hope you continue and i'm looking forward to some nagato and kyon love! ^^ |
2008-04-13, 21:31 | Link #3 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Thanks Shinbou, I'm glad someone has read it, thank you for taking the time.
As for the signature, I did not draw it, I just took images from doujins and put them together. I'm thinking part three should be up soon, so check back.
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2008-04-14, 14:47 | Link #4 | |
Not an expert on things
Join Date: Jun 2007
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Wow, I liked it. Nice job. I hope to see more of it. ^__^
One thing I noticed was this line: Quote:
You didn't explain what the fanfiction was about in the post, athough it was pretty obvious once you started reading it. |
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2008-04-14, 23:30 | Link #5 | |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Quote:
And yes, I didn't add a description, I should do that now. I guess I just forgot about it. Thanks for your comments OceanBlue, and thank you for reading. Chapter 3 is in the final editing stage, and I've written Chapter 4 already, I just need to go over it a few times before it's ready. I should have an update tomorrow after school.
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Last edited by Tamekichi; 2008-04-15 at 09:00. |
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2008-04-15, 16:20 | Link #6 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Chapter 3 is finished.
Spoiler for Chapter 3: Reverie:
Nagato said this, and then laid down, facing the opposite direction. I wanted to talk to her, but then again, I felt she put closure on the night with that movement.
Still, one thing. "Nagato..." I whispered. "..." Silence. "Where did all you're stuff go?" "..." She must be asleep. I turned away, and stared at the wall. There is no way I can go to sleep, and even if I did, it would not be a good night's rest. My mind was swimming, the pool of thoughts it was in was inhabited by Nagato. She did that whole show... for me. She sung me a love song in typical Nagato fashion: secretively. I remembered when I had come yesterday. I had heard the faint sound of the violin. I wonder if that was Nagato playing, or if she was listening to classical music. It seems like she wouldn't need to play it though, as she could just pick up the guitar and make a data query, then become a 5 star guitarist in two seconds. My eyes began to droop after a while. Thinking about this was making me tired. I don't know when it was, but I waved in and out of sleep for seemingly all the hours of the night, tossing and turning. At one point I felt I had a dream. I was in Nagato's apartment. In fact, everything was the same as it was now. The SOS Brigade was sleeping next to me. I opened my eyes to see that there were snowflakes whirring around the room, propelled by some unknown wind source. I was not cold though, and the snowflakes did not land, but just kept airborne, fluttering in random directions. I looked closer, and could see... musical notes intermixed with the snowflakes. My ears suddenly realized they had a job to do, and immediately picked up the sounds that were flowing around the room as effortlessly as the pure white flakes were. I turned my head on my pillow to see Nagato. She was playing the violin. She was the source of the music notes gently fluttering around the air. She sat cross-legged with her eyes closed. It was then that I realized that Nagato was also the source of the snowflakes, as they came from her eyes. She was crying, but without making a sound, seemingly drowning her whimpers in her music, allowing the violin to take away the pain. I looked at her for a while, as the gentle flakes and notes became more apparent in the room. They were filling it up, until everything would just be a black and white contour. I started to be blind to everything except for Nagato., there was too much snow now. Everyone else and everything else was fading away, being blurred out by the snow, seemingly becoming less a part of reality. At least, of this reality. The snowflakes and music notes were taking us away from them. They were taking Nagato away from everyone else. It’s just that I was going with her. My sight became black and white, as every discernible feature of the room vanished, and only Nagato in her pajamas remained, playing sweetly on her violin. She stopped playing suddenly, after the white had washed out everything but us. I lay with my head on my pillow, still not daring to move, but still gazing at her. I heard a terrifying crash as I saw Nagato's hands fall to her sides, as if suddenly becoming limp, the violin shattering like glass on the hard wood floor, making a harrowing un-orchestral sound as the many pieces disappeared. Her face pointed down, as more and more of everything became white, until I could only focus on Nagato's face. She turned to me and opened her eyes. I saw a brilliant flash of lavender. The only color I could see was the hue of her eyes. Her eyes that were wavering with the rest of the scenery, filled with tears. Filled with snowflakes. Her pale lips moved. Kyon-kun, she said as she looked at me, her eyes starting to half close as her head started to tilt down again. I kept trying to yell out Nagato! But no sound would escape my lips, as my head was focused on her. The white began to overlap her face. The last thing I saw before it completely engulfed her were her lips, slightly parting. "Kyon-kun." Just then my eyes shot open. I was in Nagato's dark apartment. There was no white, there was no black. Everything had color. Everything was normal. I was twisted in an embarrassing way with my blanket and pillow as if I were thrashing. I picked my head up off of the pillow to find Nagato kneeling next to me. I looked at her as she turned her face away. Am I still dreaming here, am I awake? What's going on? "You were dreaming. You are now awake." Nagato said, without looking at me. Her face was stuck in the direction of the other sleeping members. "Oh. Was I making noise or something?" "Yes." She answered without moving. "I'm sorry. Did I wake you up, is anyone else awake?" "No one else is awake." Wow. I laid my head back down on my pillow, and looked up at the ceiling. There was a slight blue tint on the smooth surface as the lights from the city came in from the window. It must be early in the morning. I looked again at Nagato to find that she herself was looking at me again. This time though, she did not avert her gaze. Is something wrong? "You said Nagato." What? "You were saying Nagato." I was? Hm. I can't really remember why I would say your name. I was dreaming. She looked down a little bit away from my face, and whispered "oh." She began to get up to go back to her side of the room. "Nagato, wait." I said. I noticed a little more anxiety in my voice than I had wanted to hear. She stopped but did not turn around. "What time is it?" "3:42 A.M." "Jesus." "..." "Nagato, since when do you play the violin?" She waited a couple seconds before answering. "Yesterday." Oh, so it was like the guitar thing where you just picked it up and played it, right? "No." What? You practiced? "Yes." How much? "18 hours." Nagato still was not facing my direction. 18 hours? Wait a minute. That would mean you were playing pretty much non stop from the time I left your apartment until we came the next day. You practiced that much? "Yes." Why? "I already said that." ...Eh? "It was for you." My brain stopped and remembered this. I must still be groggy from not sleeping. But the image came back. Nagato's small voice saying this, as she turned away from me and laid down. I suddenly felt the urge to say something. I had no idea what. I needed to not be held speechless by this ubiquitous comment twice. "Nagato..." "..." "I read your diary." Wait a minute. What did I just say? I did not just confess to that. Oh my God, I… did… just confess to that. I hurriedly tried to backtrack. "U-uh, w-wait, I mean... uh, I read only a couple of pages. I barely paid any attention! I basically didn't read it!" Nagato flinched a little. I could not see her face, as her profile was shrouded by the city lights outside. Her head tilted down a little bit, her shoulders following suit. She suddenly got up, and without facing me, headed to the door. She said nothing as she opened it, and left her own apartment. I laid there, dead still, by now propped up again so I could put more effort in to trying to explain myself. I looked at the door for some time. Where did she just go? No, what just happened? I got up out of my blankets. It seems none of the other members were awakened by our conversation, or by Nagato closing the door. "Not quite." Koizumi's voice filled the air as I saw his body turn around. What? You've been awake you eavesdropper? "I'm a horribly light sleeper, forgive me. My troubles with my job have trained me that way." How long have you been awake? "So you read Nagato-san's diary? I did not realize she kept one. Why would an alien need a diary?" Look clown, answer the question. Ah never mind, you just answered it anyway. I dropped myself down on my pillow next to Koizumi, feeling completely powerless. Where was this exhaustion previously? "Kyon. You know... everyone has bad dreams." What? Don’t get psychological on me here buddy, I got a real life problem to deal with. "Look at Suzumiya-san. She is dreaming right now." I tossed my gaze over to her to find a gentle sleeping girl, heaving delicately up and down. This is almost one of the cutest ways to look at Haruhi, as her mouth is not spouting out some nonsense, and she seemed completely vulnerable, her tough facade shaken down by the everyday dreariness of sleeping. "She looks normal." "That's right. I didn't say she was having a nightmare. In fact, through my, as you would call it, esper abilities, I can sense she is having a pleasant dream right now. Asahina-san is also dreaming." He sat up as his palm extended to the two girls. I wonder what their dreams would be like. I bet Asahina-san's would be filled with cute bunnies and neko-men. Actually, I would hope they were filled with me. "You though, were having a nightmare, weren't you?" I hate it when he's right. And it's not often that he's wrong. "Koizumi, Nagato said I was saying her name, did you hear me saying anything?" "No, can't say that I did, and I was awake before Nagato-san went over to you. I can't believe that song was for you, she really is different." Why is that so unbelievable? Someone can't play a love song for me? "Not at all. It's because it's Nagato-san." I stayed silent. He's right. Again. But how do I feel now? "Kyon-kun, did you see the book Nagato-san has been reading?" Yeah, it was the same as before, that's strange, isn't it? "Yes, but that's not what I mean. The book itself, it is a novel, and not a thick one at that. Did you happen to see the name of it?" Uh... something French... "L’Étranger. It means "The Stranger" in French. I don't suppose you would be familiar with that book?" No, and I do suppose you are, and are going to tell me about it. "Right. It is an existential novel by Albert Camus. In it, the main character is disconnected from the rest of society through apathy to live life for what it is. He just goes through the motions of living, feeling no mental stimulation caused by life at all, but only seeking out physical and immediate pleasure. Do you see how this correlates?" Yes... No. Um, how? "Kyon, what did Nagato-san's diary say?" I have a feeling you sort of already know what it said. "Refresh my memory then." Sigh. She wrote that she was changing from a Humanoid Interface into a normal human being, because of... I paused. "An emotion" Koizumi said, revealing a smile that a teacher has when helping a small child find the answers to the simplest problems. It was one hell of a condescending smile. "Do you already know Koizumi?" "Kyon, you don't know what 'Ich liebe dich' means, do you?" Of course not, idiot. "It's German. It means 'I love you'." I was taken aback a bit, as my mind retraced back to when Nagato had first said the words of her song. She was looking straight at me as she said them, her face completely serious. Then she started playing those beautiful notes, for a moment being lost in the whirlwind of the violin. For a moment, she was being lost in a world she desired, one where she could tell me her thoughts, even indirectly, even in a different language, and show them to me through song. Her voice was so passionate as she sang. No one has ever done anything like that for me before. Maybe that's why I have no idea how to act. Maybe I have no idea because it's Nagato. I got up suddenly, as Koizumi's smiling face backed away in surprised. I went into the other room and got dressed, and came back out. Koizumi looked at me inquisitively. "Where are you going?" Didn't you see her leave? "You're going after Nagato-san? Are you sure that's a good idea? If Suzumiya-san wakes up..." Just think of something if that happens. You're in the brainiac class 2-9 for God's sakes. I opened the door hastily, making sure to softly close it. Outside, the hall was cool and dark, a single light at the end compensating for lighting the whole hallway. The rest of the lights had long ago burnt out. I looked at the clock on my phone. 4:56 A.M. It's dangerous for Nagato to be out. Well, not old Nagato, but if she has no powers anymore, than a small girl in her pajamas is really appetizing for some drunk pervert. I ran to the elevator, and smashed my palm on the down arrow button. The wait seemed like forever. It was like waiting for Nagato to respond to an important question you asked her. The seconds dragged on, and the silence seemed to weigh down on you. The doors opened as in one motion I jumped in and pressed the close doors button, letting the soft funk elevator music reach my ears. Nothing will match the sounds I had heard the night before. After exiting her building, I ran out into the street. There was no sign of life anywhere. It was dark, as I heard a car start in the distance. Someone starting their day. I ran in an arbitrary direction, as if I were running in a dream. I don't remember what I was thinking. I didn't want things to get hazy again, but they began to as my brain labored under its duties. I must have run for a good 10 minutes before having to stop. I collapsed onto my knees in the middle of the sidewalk, heaving up and down. I imagined all the trouble Nagato could be in right now. I did not want her to be in danger because of me. I had caused her enough grief. My panting became heavier as I realized it was beginning to be harder and harder to breathe with every passing second. I heard a faint noise, like a small squawking bird. I suddenly recognized that the noise was coming from me. My gasps for air were intermittent with sobs. Now I was crying, and I had no idea why. I sounded so un-masculine, but I didn't care. I had no idea what was going on, everything was my fault, and I felt helpless. Try to get a hold of yourself. My heaving slowed a bit, as tears reached the sidewalk, inches away from my face. I was doubled over in a horrific position, a portion of light shining in my eyes. The sun was starting to come up. I looked away, only to find something else in the opposite direction. It was the park I had first met Nagato at to hear about her true identity. It was the same bench. And it was the same girl sitting on it. Her lips were apart as her eyes traced my body, being caught mid gasp it seemed like. "Nagato..." The orange light was again washing over the scenery, as the sun helped my eyes retrieve the sight of the poor girl, sitting in her pajamas. I could not refer to her as an alien anymore. Her eyes were a little red around the edges. She has been crying as well, and it seemed like she had just stopped. I stood up, and tripped over to her, she put her hands on my shoulder and down my arm to steady me. I looked again toward her pale visage. She finally saw my own face close up, and saw the streaks of slight discoloration down my cheeks. Her eyes abruptly closed in a grimace. "I-i-i... w-won't... c-c-cry." Nagato stuttered these words out, seemingly using all of her strength, as faint high pitched gasps were let out with it. "Nagato... please." "You... you s-said you did not want... want me t-to cry." Nagato never faltered on her words. But I had never seen her in this state. This was not a time to be comparing Nagatos though. "Nagato, it’s fine. I'm sorry." I said this as I lowered my face to the ground, trying to hide the newly sprung tears seeping from my own eyes from her. We both sat in that position, her on the bench, me kneeling in a heap with my head down, her hands on my shoulder and arm, steadying me, and seemingly herself at the same time. After a minute, I could not stand the silence anymore, and looked up to see her. Her expression was heartbreaking. Her eyes were pools of moisture. Her lips were still open, small sobs escaping from them. I was so completely filled with grief that I could not control myself anymore. Maybe this was the way Nagato had felt. The words just poured out of my mouth, and my brain had no inkling of trying to think anymore. "I'm so sorry. This is my fault. I just... I... I don't know what to do Nagato... I'm sorry." She stopped sobbing, and put her hand over my face, brushing away my tears. She said softly: "No. I am sorry... … Kyon-kun..." I put my head into her lap. "Yuki-rin" I said as I began to sob softly. Whiteness began filling the space. Music began reaching my ears. A violin. No. Yes. Wait. Snowflakes? Music notes? What is happening? I could feel Nagato's lips touch the side of my face, as she bent down, and kissed my cheek delicately. The world then hastily fell into white flakes, as if butterflies had burst from nowhere and where filling up the whole world. My whole world. "Yuki-rin!" I called out. Nothing. The music got louder. It was bashing into my head. The black half, eighth and sixteenth notes would not go around me anymore. They were making it a point to go right toward me. The flakes were like ice on my face as I finally felt the cold chill. Nagato was gone now, there was only white. There was only white, with two lavender specs in the distance. The music began to pound harder and harder, it is too loud. I can't stand it. Images of Nagato’s violin playing flashed through me head, her petite lips moving witht eh sound of the instrument, the waves of relaxation taking me, carrying me to another time, another place I could actually feel my own thoughts in. Her face was at complete peace, every muscle relaxed. The music twirled around her, comforting her, and at the same time comforting me. She got to the end of her song, as the music suddenly exploded onto my head and I fell to the floor. The floor of nothing covered with snowflakes. Snowflakes. What's that? Pitter Patter. Is that noise? My eyes cautiously crept open. A wall, connected to a floor. It was Nagato's apartment. I was in my pajamas. I jolted up, and looked out the window. A grey, depressed world met my eyes as rain hit the window. The sun was hidden behind the numerous clouds that had formed. I looked at my phone. 7:08 AM. Man. I saw the other members of the SOS Brigade sleeping, including Nagato. There she was. Silently asleep. Koizumi was still turned away from me, heaving up and down. My blankets were strewn about beside me; my pillow was across the room. My head had been sleeping on the hard wooden floor. I suddenly realized I felt my skull aching, pulses of pain hitting me in synch with my heartbeat. I sat there for about 5 minutes, with my arms across my bent knees, sitting up, staring at the wall with my pillow at its feet. I definitely remember that. That was all so vivid. Was that all a dream? This has been one of the worst nights of my life, easily beating out the first night a dream had bothered me, a year and a half ago. I looked toward Nagato again, her chest faintly moving up and down with her breathing. "Yuki-rin." I said softly. Her face did not stir, as she continued to sleep. Comments would be appreciated, as always. Thank you for reading.
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2008-04-18, 00:09 | Link #11 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Thank you OceanBlue. Some of the sentances in Chapter 3 are sparse on purpose to convey a feeling on anxiety. Maybe I'm not doing that well enough. :|
Spoiler for Chapter 4: Sanctuary:
The rain was strangely melodic. I didn't feel like sleeping at all now. I mean, I was exhausted, but too scared to close my eyes again. I might have another weird... vision. Maybe I’ll spend the next couple hours reading some of the French novel that Koizumi and I had noticed Nagato reading. I made my way over to her bag, and stuck my hand in. I felt around to make sure I wasn’t fondling any small black books with "diary" written on the front, and lightly lifted the thin novel out of the bag. It must be the shortest book I’d ever seen Nagato reading. That must mean her superior intellect is dissolving too, and she can’t read thick hard covers in a day anymore. The computer club will be very sorry to hear that. I carried the small book over to where my pillow was laying against the wall, and, taking care as I sat down, rested my sore body on the feather filled sack. I propped my back up against the wall and opened up the novel to the first page:
“Maman died today. Or yesterday maybe, I don’t know.” The grey world outside washed over me as it peeked through the window over the city, the raindrops hitting the window pane as if it were a metronome, pacing my reading. It was indeed a strange novel. I'm pretty certain I don't understand it. I read for about half an hour before I couldn't pretend to know what I was reading anymore, and placed the book back on the table. I searched inside Nagato's bag for another book to read. My hands reached inside, only to be caught on the bag as they tried to make their exit. They were reprimanded by a hook on the outside, getting snagged, as the bag was pulled off the table and dropped to the floor. An assortment of school objects burst from the bag, finally getting to see the light of day together. I stared at the assortment of academic confetti on the ground. There were books and pencils and papers and whatnot. Even that familiar slender black book with the ribbon to match. The paper was all ordinary, except for one small piece that caught my eye. On it was a doodle: a cartoonish version of Nagato's head, with a thought bubble, the name "Kyon" floating in it. In the drawing's small, chibi like hands was a heart shaped box, with a large oversized tag coming off of it, bearing the words "♥ For Yuki-rin ♥”. Other small hearts floated above the cute Nagato drawing's head, as her eyes peered happily down at the present. "a-ahhh?" Just then I heard a cute squeak as I spun around quickly, hiding the contents of Nagato's bag. Asahina-san's sleep stricken eyes met me, as the back of her palms came up to rub the dust out of them. "K-Kyon-kun? You're awake?" Uh, yeah. I was just looking for something to read while I waited for you guys to get up. I proceeded to hastily, and from what I imagine, incriminatingly, shove the books and papers, including the scrap paper with the drawing on it, back into Nagato's bag. I was frantically moving around. I hoped Asahina-san did not notice this. Please God, let her be too sleepy to notice anything. Asahina-san looked around, getting her bearings. She then yawned the cutest little yawn I've ever seen, as she arched her back and widened her face, her eyes closed. Her unkempt hair reached down to her lower back. I noticed her chest putting a lot of pressure on her buttoned up pajama shirt as her back bent forward. If I weren't so respectful, I would wish those buttons would pop out. All of them. I wouldn’t be so confused if this goddess of a woman was madly in love with me instead of Nagato. Actually, I would be somewhat confused at the sudden change of attitude toward our relationship. But whatever advances Asahina-san made, I would certainly go with them. She would do cute little things like acting shy and blushing a lot. Ahh. Just thinking about it makes me wish my dreams were reality sometimes. Although what Nagato has done, playing that song for me. That was really from the heart. It seemed a very serious, romantic signal to send. I wonder which I would prefer? Asahina-san finished her long yawn and looked at me with half closed eyes. She noticed the book in my hand, the one I hadn't managed to conceal yet as I was frozen by the site of the yawning upperclassman. "What are you reading?" I looked down as the horror in my eyes suddenly became apparent. The book I was caressing in my fingers had a sleek black trim with a ribbon floating over my thumb. It was nothing other than Nagato’s diary. In my haste to conceal all the various supplies I had spilled I must have picked it up in the middle only to stop to admire the spectacle that unfolded before me in the pink pajama shirt, only to forget I was indeed still holding it, intending to shove it away as well. You've got to be kidding me, why did it have to be this one? Quickly, I covered my tracks. "U-u-uh, n-nothing. I mean, nothing in particular, you know... just... this and that, and... uh... some of... y'know, whatever." There’s no way Asahina-san knows about Nagato’s diary, and she can’t see the writing on the cover from here. Plus, she’s not too observant to begin with, so this shouldn’t be too hard to believe, right? I jammed the diary back into Nagato's bag and walked away from my moral crime scene. Hey, I had done nothing wrong! I didn't even read it this time! Why do I feel like I did then? "O-oh..." Asahina-san weakly let out a response just to let me know she was listening. She didn’t care, it seemed she was still waking up. Man. If I could wake up to this sight every morning I would be one happy man. She stared around the room some more, still trying to acclimate to the morning, as a harsher voice from her right startled her. "Oh, it's raining? yuck..." Haruhi was up now as well. She woke up facing the direction of the window, so the first thing she saw was the drab world outside. The boring, dingy, uninteresting world she so often tries to escape. She sat up almost in the same position as Asahina-san, who was next to her. Haruhi's hair was a little disheveled, but not bad looking. The left side of her gold hairband’s knot was now straggly and untied. She glanced at me and let out a small snicker... "Looks like you've been up all night Kyon..." What? Why? I touched my hand to my head and realized I had a serious case of bed-head going. The gentle touch of my fingertips also reminded myself that my head was still faintly throbbing. "Yeah, I guess maybe I was..." "Hey Mikuru, did you sleep well?" “A-ah? U-Umm, yes. I did…” Haruhi ignored Asahina-san’s reply as she went through the same routine of wiping her eyes, yawning and stretching. I could hear her back pop and few times as she twisted herself around on her bottom. "Ahh. I feel refreshed, that was a fun night last night. Let's go get some breakfast, and then get home to finish our school work." I agreed with her for once, as I walked over to Koizumi. C'mon, you said you were a light sleeper. Or, at least, I think you did. I don't think I was imagining then. I kicked him lightly in the back. He rolled over. "ahhhhhhhhggg..." He let out a groan. It looks like he didn't have that great of a night either, but the handsome smiling esper did not have the mess atop his head that I did. Meanwhile Haruhi was shaking Nagato to get up, as Asahina-san made her way into the other room to change. Asahina-san reappeared five minutes later, wearing her casual clothes, not the Tsuruya costume, I might note. We all went and changed and then headed out of Nagato's apartment. I dragged my feet lamely as my head hung lower than usual. The rain was pelting the scruff of my neck. Nagato had only one umbrella, and it was being held by Haruhi with the other two female members of the SOS Brigade flanking her, taking comfort in the shelter the umbrella provided. This reminded me of that day Haruhi and I walked home together under the umbrella she stole from the staff room. That girl sometimes... Koizumi walked slowly beside me, being nice enough to keep my pace. He walked with his head up, his face more tired than normal. I noticed he had bags forming under his eyes, and I thought I could faintly decipher the beginning of some crow’s feet at the sides of those same eyes. It seems he hasn’t slept well in a while. Even so, he’s always smiling, and this morning was no exception, as the trademark smile was being worn. A little early to be smiling like that, isn't it? "I guess. I sure am tired." You said it. "You didn't sleep well either?" Nope. Nice observation Galileo. We came to the oh so familiar coffee shop by the train station. It was decided by our fearless leader that I was to pay since I got last in the talent competition. What? I even got beat out by Koizumi's lame act? Sigh. Alright. My wallet is about empty anyway, so what does it matter. Haruhi talked through our breakfast about who knows what. I took the time to rest my eyes on the other members of our party, trying to block out the whining sound of the Brigade chief. Asahina-san adorably sipped from her cup. When the waitress came to refill us, she her some questions about tea leaves. I guess you really are serious about being a maid Asahina-san. I must admit, I do envy your enthusiasm for performing well at a position you were forced into. Koizumi had some coffee, as did I, trying to wake ourselves up to the rain soaked world. Nagato sat on the end, staring into her glass of milk tea, sipping it with both hands, as if to take extra care not to drop it. What are these weird dream-like things I'm having about Nagato? And what was that drawing? I wonder if she doodled that absent-mindedly in class. Maybe she thinks about t me in class all day, eagerly anticipating the moment I walk through the club room door and wave to her. If Nagato really is being affected by love, the emotion is hitting her hard. We finished as I paid the bill, the familiar waitress even casually remarking "Oh, you're going to take it again? What a gentleman." Yes, even though I was being forced to do it every time. The group walked outside as Haruhi told us we were dismissed, much quicker than usual. She took extra care to remind me not to skimp on my school work that was due tomorrow. She reminded me we had a Western Civilization quiz to study for. I had blissfully forgotten about that. Bah. My mind has too much to think about as it is. I noticed my ride home on my bike was more peaceful than normal. I was able to get some thinking done. The rhythm of the rain hitting the ground, teamed up with my bike tires splashing through the small puddles, created a sensation of relaxation that I could not shake. It’s as if I were listening to some of that music that has an intent to put you to sleep. Why am I always tired? Maybe because I live my life constantly being forced to act in accordance with Haruhi’s whims. Ah, what am I saying. Even though I complain all the time, it’s readily apparent that I would be very sad to not be travelling to the Literature Club room every day after school. It was pretty scary last December when Haruhi disappeared, and the SOS Brigade was gone. It seems to have forced itself into my life, fusing together with my other everyday shenanigans until it reaches the point that a lot of this abnormal stuff is exactly what I consider to be the norm. Besides, I would never have met all of these interesting people without meeting Haruhi first. And even Haruhi herself, that crazy eccentric girl. She pumps fun into every one of our lives with mystery and surprise. Maybe she really is saving the world by overloading it with fun. Maybe she’s saving our dreary lives by overloading them with fun. No. Actually, a lot of the stuff she does is too ridiculous. Let’s just say I am glad I have Nagato and Koizumi, and even Asahina-san to depend on. I might not be able to depend on Nagato for much longer if what she says is happening to her is true. But even if she is an alien with no powers, I still want her to be there, always observing us. I still want her in her usual spot in the club room, reading her usual thick-as-textbooks hardcovers in some foreign language. I still want her to not pay attention to anything extravagant that happens unless it matters to her. I don’t want the Nagato I know, the one I’ve come to know in the last year and a half, to fade away. I want to be able to talk to her, even if she has nothing to do with some Integrated Thought Entity. I want to converse with her about everyday things. I want to be able to pick up on her subtle emotions. I want to be the only one to understand her. All of this that is happening, even though it confuses the hell out of me, there is one good thing. I’ve gotten to know Nagato better, and spend time seeing the real side of her. The side that played that violin song for me. The one I won’t ever forget as long as I’m breathing, and maybe even after that. My mind continued to wander, not concerned with what was happening around my physical being, the tire treads beneath me gently snaking through the pouring rain. I parked my bike on the side of my house as I slowly walked through the front door. "Kyon-kun! Hey! Me and Shami missed you~!" My sister greeted me warmly, and I greeted her back. I was in no mood to play around though, especially since my body was less than willing to even stand, so I started to head up to my room. My mom called out a greeting to me as well. I said good morning, and continued walking. She informed me that she had called Kunikida's home, and that he said we were having a good time at his house. Good ol' Kunikida. I'll have to remember that I owe him one. Good thing I didn't include Taniguchi in the lie, he would have messed it up somehow, that idiot. Ahhh. My room. My own sanctuary, at least for now. Everyone has their own sanctuaries, a little space in this world where they feel completely at ease, where nothing can be thought of to be wrong. I collapsed on my bed like I had been shot by a 43rd floor sniper. My mind played over the clip of Haruhi reminding me to study, but I just couldn't bring myself to concentrate on it, so it would be pointless. Not to mention I had Algebra homework as well. When the homework is piled up high, the harder it becomes to climb to the top and start your descent through it. Instead, I spent the afternoon watching TV and flipping through manga again, trying to ease my overworked mind. I also took some pain killers to relieve my aching body and worn out head. After bathing, I returned to my room and put my pajamas on. It was about 7 o'clock. I decided to just pass out there on the spot, again flopping onto my soft mattress. I might as well save up on sleep, I didn’t get enough last night, that’s for sure. This night should be better. But, of course, it wasn’t. "Kyon-kun." "..." "Kyon." "..." "Wake up." My eyes slowly opened as I felt the gentle nudging of a hand against my bicep. "Ah, good." I looked to my left to find Koizumi Itsuki smiling back at me. He was in his pajamas, but his face was the same one I was always used to seeing. Although right now, I was more than irritated at seeing it. "Ah jeez. What are you doing? I was sleeping." "You are sleeping." "What?" "Kyon, you’re in a dream state right now." "What?" "I said you're in a dream state." "I'm... I'm dreaming?" "No. You are in a separate dream state." "What the hell are you saying?" I was getting slightly annoyed. Don’t talk in circles. I’ve had enough of that. If you’re going to wake me up, tell me the reason and let me go back to dreaming about Asahina-san in that Tsuruya costume. Koizumi lightly pinched my arm. Ouch! What was that for?! "To show you that you aren't dreaming, and also to wake you up. Now listen carefully..." Koizumi pulled my desk chair over to the side of my bed as I once again propped myself up on my arm to turn toward him. "This is a dream state created as an alternate reality. Don't be alarmed. Even though it bears a resemblance to a sealed reality, it is not similar. This state does not have to do with Suzumiya Haruhi at all. This is a world that is reconstructed to look exactly like the world we live in now. Everyone here will act the same way as they would as if this were reality and you were living you're life. The only difference is that this is not reality." "It's a dream then?" "I guess you can say that, only we are fully awake in here, our minds processing at full speeds, and our bodies entirely responsive to our wishes." "...so?" "So what happens in this space will not have an impact on the reality outside it. It is just like you are free to do what your mind wished in here. Let your Id run amok, as in dreams, there is no Super-ego to keep it under control." "Why... are we here?” "You and I are here for a special reason. We are still semi-connected with our reality selves, the selves that are sleeping right now. We will keep this memory and perceive it as real even though it's like a dream. We will remember what happens in here, what is said, who says it, and why they say it, whereas the others who do not have this ability are just carbon copies that inhabit the dream state. They are not connected to their reality selves at all. For example, if I were to go toss a bucket of water on your sleeping sister, she would not remember that event happening when she wakes up the next morning, as it wouldn't have happened to her, only the "her" in this dream state. But you and I would both remember it the next morning." Don’t talk about doing that kind of thing to my sister. “Haha, I apologize. It was just an example.” Koizumi, who did this? Why are we here?” “Nagato-san creates these states. As for why, that’s something you have to ask her. It seems like you and I, as well as Nagato-san, are the only ones connected with our outside realities.” “…” So this is all Nagato's doing. I felt I have experienced this before. I wonder why she is doing this. I thought she was a normal average girl now? "She is starting to turn into one, but the transformation is not complete yet. Creating this dream state is one of the last things Nagato can do with her powers." "Wait, how do you know that stuff about Nagato losing her powers?" "We talked about it last night, you don't remember? It was a separate dream state, where you told Nagato-san that you read her diary. She still remembers all those events, as I'm sure you do too." "But you didn't hear me saying Nagato's name before that." "I assume that was a separate dream state as well, one where I was not connected with my "reality self". You must have been saying Nagato-san's name in the dream space, and she heard it, going to your side as you woke up in the new dream space." Man. Nagato's way of working is confusing. Dreaming within a dream? "Why are you here at all Koizumi?" "It's not obvious? I'm the messenger. I'm here to tell you all this stuff. To let you know what this is. Especially to let you know that this is not reality, and therefore the restrictions you may be feeling in reality will not be present here, as only a few people will remember what happens." That doesn't mean you're going to come on to me, does it? "What?" "Nothing." "In any case, I'm going to head back soon, I want to get some sleep before tomorrow. Just remember, if you ever wake up from being asleep, make sure to know whether it's a dream state or reality." "How do I tell?" Koizumi pointed out the window in my room. I followed his slim finger to see what was outside. Small white flakes were floating to the ground, plastered against the black backdrop of the night sky. I looked back to where Koizumi had been sitting, but he was gone, only my desolate desk chair remained in the same position. Stumbling out of bed, I made my way over to the window. I lifted the bottom sill to let the breeze of fresh air reach my skin. The snow entered my room as if each individual flake was an invited guest. My ears began to pick up the familiar sound. A violin was playing in the distance. The snowflakes entered my room, more and more coming with each passing second, until I was swallowed up by the white. This time, I just let it happen. Nagato. I now know. On another note, I will be gone for the weekend, so I am sorry to say, do not expect any updates on Chapter 5 soon. I don't know if I'll be able to get to a computer, but I'll try my best. Thanks to anyone and everyone who is reading.
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2008-04-25, 16:19 | Link #16 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Chapter 5 is finished, sorry it took a little while.
Spoiler for Chapter 5: Sand and Snow:
Sand and Snow
My sight gradually went from total darkness to half darkness, as my eyes slid open, preferring to stop midway. I turned over in my bed. Wow, this is going to be a rough day. At least I had Koizumi to explain what was happening to me. It seems Nagato was creating these alternate realities that were depicted like dreams for us. We could do whatever we wanted in them. But only a select few would remember what would happen. I guess me and Nagato. And Koizumi, for a couple. I think I understand why she is doing this now. These "dream states", as that smiling esper called them, are places that Nagato feels more comfortable. Maybe it's her way of compensating for her changing emotions. She cannot let anyone in reality see her changing, and so far, only I have seen her emotions, or vaguely know what's going on. She creates these alternate realities so she can let her inner emotions out, through playing the violin and... crying. The state seems to be connected with Nagato internally. I really hope that Nagato is ok. I'll even settle. You don't have to give me back the all-powerful alien Nagato who knew everything and wouldn’t let anyone hurt me or Haruhi. Just let Nagato be happy. I feel I'm the only one who can do this now. Gradually, I sat up in my bed with my head in my hands. Why hasn't my sister barged in yet? I looked across the room at my clock radio. 5:04 AM. Wait. What the hell? Why in the world did I wake up this early? No wonder my stupid sister hasn't come bounding into my room to disturb my serene sleep like normal, because my sister probably isn't up yet either. I quickly glanced out the window. My eyes were met with a drab yet reassuring scene. No snow. Rain droplets pelted the window pane like firecrackers aimed precisely at my bedroom. The grey morning had not yet seen the dawn of the sun. It would soon though. My head raised on its own. Well. I can’t sleep now. Nothing to do but lay here until it’s time to get ready for school. I slept horribly because of the dream state with Koizumi, and I woke up early for no apparent reason. Off to a great start, if I don't say so myself. This day can only improve, am I right? I am wrong. Not only did my morning following waking up go terribly, but my bike tires had miraculously been punctured in the night, prolonging my frustration as I had no choice but to use my little sister's bike. Yes, the pink and white bike with tassels of the same color hanging from the handlebars. Don't laugh; I'm being forced to do this, just like everything else in my life. I peddled to the bottom of the steep hill up to North High, being followed by giggles from random passerby’s. I really would rather have been late to school than having to endure all this humiliation, but my laziness outweighs my embarrassment, as I'm not going to walk the whole way to school. I would be dead halfway up that damn hill, and roll all the way back down. I walked up the steep slope slowly, really hoping deep down within my soul that I don't have to talk to some smiling goof like Taniguchi running up the hill. I was in no mood now. My legs ached. My head ached. And just as I was realizing what else on my body ached, I remembered that I didn't study for that Western Civilization quiz, or do my algebra. Jesus. Well, it just gets worse and worse, even though I could have prevented this from happening yesterday, by actually getting a work ethic. I finally reached the top of the hill, my prize being an unpleasant day of boring lessons and tests I'm sure to fail. Maybe Kunikida would help me out. Nah, there's no time. I'll just fail it in good faith. I sure hope Haruhi does not take a look at my test scores for awhile, or else I'll really be in the doghouse. The meat of the day went as planned. Or rather, as expected. Which was bad. I had no clue throughout the day on anything we were doing, and 10 minutes into our quiz Haruhi's sighs from behind me could noticeably be heard. She was asleep soundly on her desk. So as lunch time rolled around, I was dismayed, but not surprised, to find that I forgot to pack my bento. “auuuuuuuugggghh...” A silent groan left my lips, as by this time, it was ridiculous to be getting angry. Well, I could just go to the cafeteria. I'm afraid I'd find Haruhi there cutting in front of everyone in the line, spouting some nonsense about Brigade hierarchy or something. She could just give anyone who defied her a swift kick to the face anyway, and the rest of the line would instinctively start to form behind her. I decided I did not want to see that. Plus, I don't have any money thanks to the SOS Brigade's party day. After swiping some of Taniguchi's shrimp, I exited the classroom, walking mechanically to the Old Block, and the Literature Club room, home of all things SOS. The rain outside was soft on my ears. My frustration from the day started to turn into hopeless depression. Nagato should be in the club room. I need to talk to her. But to my amazement, Nagato was not politely sitting in a chair and reading in the clubroom. She was nowhere to be found. My head swiveled around to explore the hallway, just to make sure she wasn't just arriving or hiding or something. Nope. I walked slowly into the room and closed the door shut. I spent the rest of lunch break amusing myself on the stolen Brigade Commander computer. Mostly on the internet, I only opened the MIKURU folder once... or twice. I swear! The rest of the day seemed to agree with my melancholic state. Nothing real big happened, and Haruhi did not do anything really off the wall or weird. She pretty much behaved herself. As the chime for the end of school rang, an ease was lifted off my shoulders. School was done for today. Now all I had to do was sit in that room and play with Koizumi while staring at Asahina-san. Or maybe today, I would stare at Nagato a little more; she should at least be there after school. I would ask to talk to her afterward. Haruhi and I walked to the club room together, her only walking a little faster than my eclectic pace. "Why were you so quiet today?" "Hm? Oh, nothing. Just one of those days, y'know?" I was in no mood to talk about how my day went, because that would require remembering the tragic assortment of events that it was. "Yeah. I myself am feeling a little tired. Maybe we had too much fun at that sleep over, you think?" I had anything but fun, sans Asahina-san's act. All the sleepover did was put more thoughts into my head. Nagato playing that violin. That dream state. The sun soaked bench... ... "Yo! Kyon! Wake up, you can't be that tired! You almost just walked into that wall." Haruhi redirected me as my eyes shifted from the floor up to my line of sight. Sigh. Just too much to think about. We reached the clubroom. Haruhi threw the door open, but didn't exclaim anything like usual. She just walked in. Who does this girl think she is? What if Asahina-san had been changing? Unfortunately for my worn out psyche, she wasn't. She was already in her maid outfit getting the tea ready. I had learned to walk slowly to the clubroom to give her time to change. Besides, I would just be waiting outside anyway. "Hello there." Koizumi's grinning face welcomed me as he came walking down the hallway. We both entered the clubroom at the same time, and he headed for the corner to grad a board game. My eyes searched the room for what I really wanted to see. Or rather, who I really wanted to see. But again, she was nowhere in sight. Nagato is still not here? "She called ahead saying she had things to do today." Haruhi instantly gave the excuse for Nagato as she clicked on the mouse. I sat in my usual chair in exhaustion. Nothing seemed to go right today. Not even Nagato, who was always here, and could always be depended on, was here. Asahina-san's god-like tea didn't even raise my spirits half as much as they should have, and I even came deathly close to losing a game of checkers to Koizumi. His face showed surprise when I left my right side open for a triple jump, the first one he has probably ever done in his life. "You feeling alright?" "Yeah, yeah, just tired." "Because of last night?" I stiffened as I heard Asahina-san exhale a little, a noise like a rubber ducky being squeezed escaping her. Don't say controversial things Koizumi, people get the wrong idea. He shrugged, smiled, and leaned his head closer to the game board, presumably so no one but me would hear. "The dream state. How long were you in it for after I was gone?" "Oh, that. Not that long. Speaking of which, I wanted to talk to Nagato about that today, but she's not here." "Yes, rarely is there ever a time when Nagato-san is needed that she does not show up. Oh well, you'll have plenty of time to talk." Yeah. I hope. The SOS Brigade meeting continued as thus, sipping hot tea, playing games, listening to Haruhi comment every so often on what she was perusing on the internet. My eyes labored to keep open after a while, even while playing games. When I couldn't take it anymore, I motioned to Koizumi to put the game we were currently playing away, and placed my head on my hands which were in turn set on the desk. My eyes closed timidly as I tried to relax. To my surprise, Haruhi said nothing. I expected her to get pissed the minute I was sleeping in a Brigade meeting, but I guess not. Even so, I wavered in and out of sleep, most of the time just resting instead of sleeping. I vaguely remember hearing Haruhi tell everyone to go home, and then leaning down close to my face to whisper that she was leaving as well. I guess she thinks I can't hear when I'm asleep? Maybe she didn't want to wake me, but that doesn't seem like Haruhi. Oh well. Chalk that one up to the weirdness of Haruhi's everyday personality. A couple minutes afterward I opened my eyes to find an empty clubroom. I looked over at Nagato's chair, so desolate and empty, just like her apartment had been when I first went there. I closed my eyes again just as I spied the time on the clock. 6:29 PM. I awakened to find that shivers were running up and down my body. My eyes struggle to open as if they were frozen shut. The clubroom was dark. Light emanated from the window, as my gaze fell upon the source. Colorless snowflakes outside. Had the rain turned to snow? No wait! Snow. Dream state. I'm in a dream state. I prepared my just awakened senses to try and pick up any noise. I couldn't hear a violin. The snow outside softly drifted as if it were not at fault at all, as if it were real and nothing was wrong with reality. It was very natural. My senses slowly awakened as my brain power did. Nagato. I needed to do something before. Now is the time. Nagato has to be in this dream state. After all, she created this. She did this all... for me... for herself. I struggled to a standing position. My body seemed stiff. There's no need to take anything. My shadow lurched across the hall as I walked quickly to the staircase. The illuminating artificial light was supportive yet scary in a way. I hadn't been in the school when it was dark before. Except for one time, when I was in a different alternate reality. The night air was cold as the snowflakes hit my red cheeks. I was not dressed for snow, and had not thought to bring an umbrella from the school outside. No matter. I need to find Nagato. Music. There was now music. My keen ears picked up the tranquility of the faint yet lovely song as my feet followed their command. I moved in an ostensible method, turning at 90 degree angles, trying to go in the direction of her. Of her playing. Her music. Her sanctuary. I was becoming disoriented. The music began to get stronger, that's all I knew. I needed to get to her, to see her sitting there, slowing dragging the soft bow against the strings, her eyes gently closed, her face lost in the melodic tune. I began to trip as I walked, not watching much of where I was going. I was on the street. Every so often an uneven crack in the sidewalk would come along and disturb my wayward march. My eyes were set in the air, as if they could help my ears pick up the sound. I finally came to a point where I could not decide where to go. My mind was blistered with the music, and every way I stepped seemed to make it fade away. I swung my head to the left and right to locate my surroundings. I was near a beachfront. The sun was almost gone in the distance over the water, just barely peeking out to see its last gasp of this world before leaving it for another day. I leaned on a wooden guardrail to steady myself. My head lowered. I needed to focus on the music. But it was coming from everywhere now. Every which way the notes entered my ears. They sprang from the back and sprung form the front. I could not understand much of what was happening anymore. I needed someone. I needed someone to help me. Anyone. I'm desperate. My mind is fogged up. There are colors and images and people running all throughout the deepest crevices of my brain. The music kept pounding on me, harder and harder. More and more. I can't take it! I threw my head skyward and let out the most agonized yell I’ve ever heard escape from my lips. "Stop!" And the music stopped. Silence. Nothing. My eyes opened toward the dim sky speckled with white. The light snow was still falling. The sun was still casting a glow even though it was almost gone over the horizon. I lowered my gaze to the beachfront. There she was. The girl stood with her instrument cradled in one hand against her body. The slight breeze lifted her white summer dress up and down, and swished around her short lavender hair. She gazed at me. Her hands came together at her chest, now each holding the instrument of her music, the reason for her sadness. "Nagato." I let a whisper creep out from my throat. She looked so fragile, her face was delicate. She had been crying, as always it seems in the dream states. I gained my senses and climbed over the guardrail, onto the beach, leaving my shoes and socks behind me. My newly liberated feet were glad to be breathing fresh air as they guided me toward her. The sand was cold, snowflakes were peppered throughout it. That wasn't the reason the cold feeling was here though. Sand like this was always cold. It just seemed especially icy now. It was as if I were approaching a sculpture of Nagato herself, as she did not move an inch. I stopped about 10 feet away from her. Those feet of mine would take me no further. "Nagato..." "Kyon...kun..." Her first words to me were timid. She looked down again, her bangs now shadowed her beautiful eyes, the eyes filled with pools of emotion draining on the sides of her cheeks. She was not crying snow, but real tears. Yet she was not sobbing. It seemed like these tears were meant to be there. They were different from before, they were smaller, more temperate. Even so, the snow continued to gently fall, seemingly never hitting the ground but just floating around us, around the scenery, letting me know it was there only if I paid attention. "Nagato. Why are you doing this?" "..." I waited for the answer. I knew it would come eventually. I felt I knew already. "... For you." For me. Nagato... "Because I cannot go on living in our world anymore. I am not functioning as I should be. This," Her arms rose to her sides, the violin clutched tenderly in her left hand, her face still directed at the sand in front of her. "is the only place I can be now." Needless to say, I could not speak. Nagato did not speak in such anomalies before. She did not speak ambiguously like this. "W-what do you mean?" I could feel the anxiety rising in my voice. "..." Her hands were back at her sides, still caressing the scroll atop the violin. "Kyon-kun... please... would you walk with me?" "Eh? U-uh..." I instinctively let out a surprised gasp. Nagato had never asked anything like this before. But, Nagato was different now. She was more and more like what a normal girl would be like. She was more and more of what I thought she would be like if she opened up. This is the Nagato I have imagined with emotions, the one that would appear in my own dreams a while ago. Sporadically, Asahina-san would not dominate my dreams, but Nagato would. I remembered the Nagato from last December. What if I had stayed? What if I had grown to know that Nagato? What would it be like if Nagato had perceptible emotions? What if she did things like she did in my dreams, waking me up clad in only a towel, asking if I wanted to take a bath with her? The love I felt for her in those dreams seemed real. And now, before my eyes, this Nagato had taken shape. The Nagato that I’ve dreamed about is here in my world. Even if this isn’t the Nagato I’ve come to know, the alien who can hack a whole computer program in seconds, I didn’t care. I began to realize that I’ve always had this kind of emotion for Nagato, it’s just been hidden, just like she had hidden her emotions. Both came out of hiding at once. I feel I understand Nagato so much more now, and that this one… the one that is like a human girl… is the real one I’ve seen in the past year. I’ve been able to see through her cold exterior. Now she could shed that exterior. Or, she was being forced to. I’ve come to realize that there are types of love. I’m beginning to identify my feelings for Nagato as one of these types. The type where I can just be sitting there, holding her, doing nothing more than listening to the soft, gentle heaving of her breath, the mere idea of being with her sending out mortar flares of love inside me. When something like this happens, you know that that is the happiest you can ever be. That time spent together, just being with each other, holding each other, is frozen in your mind. And it will never thaw. It is permanent. That love is permanent. My mind snapped out of its decryption. Nagato still awaited my reply. "Um. Yes. Of course Nagato." I walked closer to her, as she dropped the violin. Its base hit the chilled sand and toppled over like it had lost its life. We proceeded to walk in the direction I had been facing, along the beach as the waves crashed up near our feet. Both of us were barefoot. The sun was almost completely still, it seemed to be stuck in that position, always emanating just enough light, but not enough for you to be completely aware of it. After about 2 minutes of walking, I stopped, and Nagato instinctively stopped as well. "Nagato." "Hm?" She turned from gazing straight forward to look at me. Her face had a pale tinge, her eyes shimmered as she stared at me curiously. My God. She is so cute right now. This Nagato, wearing a white summer dress, with no shoes or anything. The snow was accumulating in both our hair, nonchalantly keeping watch over us. "You're diary... I'm sure you know I read it... right?" Her face turned down again, as the hue in her cheeks turned slightly pinkish. "...yes." "What you wrote. Was it all true? Has all of this been happening to you... because of me?" "..." The sand had amassed around my feet, as if setting them in concrete. I carefully positioned my stare on her, as she still looked away. "It is all true. It is my diary. I write from my thoughts." "So... Nagato... you..." I wanted to say "you love me." But I could not make the words. I never in a million years would have thought Nagato had these feelings for me, and I’ve only identified with them subconsciously, it seems. I felt awful that these emotions were changing her, making her feel all this pain. "Kyon-kun. You read my diary." "..." "Would you... c-call me..." She stopped as if the same thing was happening to her, the words not forming. But she was strong enough to get hers out. "Y-Yuki-rin." Ah… I remember… Nagato's wanted nickname. I keep forgetting, even though every time I see her I want to call her this. She is becoming more attractive by the second, as my heart is tearing by the second. "Of course, Yuki-rin." I turned ahead to begin walking again. A small sound came from behind me. Nagato had not moved, but was still looking down. Her right hand was extended toward me, palm up. Her cheeks were definitely pinkish red now. "You want to hold hands?" I had to make sure. Because I sure did want to. "..yes. Kyon-kun." I took her hand softly. It was not the cold and mechanical hand I was used to, but warm and welcoming. Her small fingers curled around mine as she took a couple steps forward until she was right next to me. We began walking again. The sun was pretty much gone now, as the stars were visible through the light snow falling. The snow seemed to be getting less thick. There was a dark, blue-ish tint to everything, but light still shone onto Nagato's face as we walked. A couple minutes after, I felt a small weight on my left arm. Nagato had rested her head against it as we walked. I did not know what to do with this deliberately romantic gesture. I just continued to walk and look at her occasionally. My heart was so muddled now, my thoughts were cluttered. All I felt was that I wanted to continue walking. As we made our way further down the beach, Nagato began to speak softly. "Kyon-kun. I want this to last." I started to feel her warmth radiating through to my body. She clung close to me, as my heart was starting to feel her love seeping through her into its endless bowels as she clung close to me. "It cannot." She said this while still looking ahead, talking into the distance. The beach continued to wind along the ocean shore as we talked, and the melodic sound of the waves crashing lulled my emotions to a point where I could only focus on one thing. One person. Her. "Y-yuki-rin. What do you mean when you say that?" She stopped, and looked up straight into my eyes. Her crimson lips began to move "Kyon-kun, I am not worth anything anymore. I cannot continue my observation duties. I have been cast aside." "W-what?" "The Entity feels I am of no use. They feel I can only complicate things from this time onward. They plan to terminate my existence shortly. My last abilities have been used to create these spaces whenever I need them. Whenever I need to escape. But this is the last one. They have finally found me." "..." I waited for her to continue. "This is the last time you will see me Kyon-kun. When you wake up, I will not be there. No one will remember me. I created this state for me. For us. Because I want you to know." "Naga-... Yuki-rin... did I do this?" "No. Do not blame yourself. Please. I have become broken, and I cannot be of use to anyone anymore." I suddenly took my hand away from hers. I was now acting completely out of passion, everything coming from heart. It reminded me of when Nagato came to see me when I was in the hospital. "No Yuki. You are not broken. You are fixed. You are not worthless. You are worth a great deal to people. You are worth a great deal... to me. You’re not useless. I… need you to be there. They cannot take you away. I can't let them cast you aside." She let her gaze fall as she hesitantly clasped her hands below her chin. "Kyon-kun... I'm sorry." "No! No sorries! No apologies! This isn't happening! Even if you can wipe my memory Nagato, I will remember you! No matter what they do, I'll do something to get you back. You can't leave... We... I... need you." "..." Her knees bent as her whole body lowered to the sandy beach. She picked up a palmful of sand with snow speckled throughout it like sad glitter. The sand and sparkling snow were caught in the breeze as she slowly let them slip through her fingers. She readjusted to her standing position. Her bangs covered her eyes, but I could see the light flicker off the tears plummeting toward the beach. "No, Yuki. No." I said, my voice starting to get weak. My eyes clasped shut, as I didn’t want my own tears to start drowning me. "Kyon-kun, this is the last time we see each other." She lifted her gaze to me. Slowly she walked forward, each step softly flattening the sand beneath it. Stopping in one motion, her arms lifted around my neck. She pulled my face down, and my lips met hers. The world stopped. My eyes were agape in surprise, as hers were closed in complete serenity. She pressed her soft lips harder against mine, and I closed my eyes and kissed her back. My arms reached around her back and caressed her, pulling her closer. “I love you.” I don’t know who said it, or if we both said it at once. Nothing was coherent. Everything had stopped. The snow was gone. The cold sand was gone. The world began to slowly twist around us as we stood, together, our spirits attached in perfect love, in perfect harmony. I felt her body being pulled away. I could not open my eyes. I did not want to see her go. I would not accept this as the last time I saw her. I felt the warm hand touch my face, as it wiped the snow away, along with the small tears running away from my clenched eyes. I slowly opened them to see her. Smiling a faded smile, she gazed lovingly into the depths of my being. "Goodbye. Kyon-kun." Everything began to get white. Rapidly the snow came. The whiteness came. The haziness appeared, and brought with it a thick mist. "Goodbye. Yuki-rin." My faint farewell was caught in the harrowing fog, as the whiteness enveloped us. The only reply I heard was the soft, sweet sound of a violin, drowning in the distance. Thanks for reading.
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2008-04-27, 23:48 | Link #17 |
流離っている
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: California
Age: 34
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Update. Yeah.
Spoiler for Chapter 6: Perpetua:
"Kyon-kun! Time to get up! C'mon!"
Sigh. Not again. Why does she insist on waking me up every morning? Just as my eyes were about to open, I felt an intense sharp pain in my lower body as my sister jumped on my bed. "AHH! Jesus! What was that?!" I doubled over in pain beneath my sheets as my sister recoiled, unsure of what has happened. "Kyon-kun what's wrong? Where's Shami~~?" I found it hard to breathe, let alone talk, as my hands clutched my stomach. It seems my courteous little sister has just unknowingly jabbed my crotch with her knee. Ugh, I felt like I was going to throw up all over the place, but the feeling was intermixed with pain all throughout my abdomen. I'm sure I don't need to describe this feeling further to you. Just keep in mind that it hurts like hell. "Agh. Not here. Go away." My voice was slightly high pitched. She scampered out of the room as I continued to writhe in harrowing agony. I gained my senses after about 10 minutes of focusing on the sudden pain thrust on me this morning. Man, am I tired. Why am I always so tired? My pajamas where soaked with sweat. I must have been having a bad dream. Well, I can't remember anything at the moment, so no need to think about it. Bad dreams are better left forgotten anyway. I made my way out of my bed and headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and get ready for school. Sigh. It's going to be tough today. As I walked up the slope to North High, a strange feeling came over me. It's like I had forgotten something at home, you know that feeling? You can't shake it, but you can't for the life of you remember what it would be. I ignored it after a while as I diverted my attention to slowly climbing the slope. "Yo!" A harsh slap on my back coupled with this greeting marked the arrival of my jovial friend. "Yo." Taniguchi slowed his pace to match mine as he continued to talk. "Hey Kyon, you look tired. Long night?" "Yeah I guess. I'm always tired." "I don't know how you can be tired when you have a girl like Asahina-san to stimulate your senses." "Yeah, just sometimes I feel exhausted no matter what. And don't talk about her like that." I don't like when he talks about my girlfriend in that manner. It’s not polite or proper. It seems he’s always got girls on his mind, and especially Mikuru. That's why half the time I feel like punching him in the face. "Sorry my man. Ooh, A+ girl on the loose up ahead, see ya!" He took off running up the slope, following the poor girl who had unknowingly scored so high on his hotness meter. That guy is hopeless. Haruhi was already in her seat staring out the window when I arrived at class 2-5. "Yo." I tossed my bag on my desk and sat down while turning toward her. "Hey." She answered. She seemed a little down, but that was typical Haruhi. We still had some time before class started. A small mob of North High sport jackets approached me. "Good morning." "Hey Kyon." "Yo Kyon!" Koizumi smiled his gracious smile, as he, flanked by Taniguchi and Kunikida, greeted me. This is two times too many to see stupid Taniguchi this morning. Oh well. "Yo guys." "Are you going to come watch the basketball game at lunch with us Kyon?" "Nah, you guys go ahead. I promised Mikuru-chan I'd eat with her today." "Man. You spend so much time with her these days." Well, what do you expect, the most pleasant air of the goddess Asahina Mikuru is something I intend to be indulged in for eternity. I'm glad she had accepted my confession, or else SOS Club meetings would have gotten even more awkward. As I was thinking this, that air of forgetfulness came over me again. Why is this feeling coming back? I know I remembered everything today, and if I forgot some SOS Club thing, than Haruhi would remind me of it. "Well Koizumi, I spend enough time with you after school everyday." "That's correct, I guess." He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as he turned to the other two. "Too bad you guys aren’t in the SOS Brigade. It's pretty lonely with only 4 members. Maybe you guys should come some days." "Yeah right Itsuki! I wouldn't join that nutty club even if there were four Asahina-sans in it!" "That reminds me, Suzumiya-san, are we having a Brigade meeting today?" "No. I have cleaning duty and then I have cram school for my grades. Kyon, are you coming this time?" "I don't know. Probably not. I might just skip it today and go to Mikuru's place." Both Haruhi and I had started going to the cram school together because we agreed we needed to get our grades up before semester, we were both pretty close to the bottom in our class. But after going to the cram school a couple times, I'd started to prefer to just skip it anyway, it didn’t help much to be there. Haruhi still went and let me copy her notes. The chime for the beginning of the day rung as the small crowd of three went back to their seats. Okabe-sensei came in energetically to start the lesson. I had no urge to pay attention, as daydreams of my past dates with Mikuru entered my mind. Haruhi was asleep about 15 minutes into the lesson. I turned around and poked her with my mechanical pencil, as I had been instructed to do by her whenever she started sleeping. "Hey, wake up." "W-wha? Agh... yeah yeah. Thanks Kyon." She rubbed her eyes and focused them toward the chalkboard at the front. The chime signaling lunch finally came as both Haruhi and I were about to die from sleep deprivation and boredom. I turned around and started to take my bento out of my bag. Haruhi did the same with hers. "Are you just going to sit in here and eat alone again?" I was worried about her always being alone. She could easily get some friends, but she just didn't seem interested. "Yeah." "Why don't you come and eat with Mikuru and me?" "No. I don't want to disturb you two. You go ahead and have fun. Really." "B-but-" "No, really it's ok. I'm fine." Her eyes shifted downward as she set her bento on her desk, and took out her chopsticks. Well, if she doesn't want to, then I'd just take her advice and go enjoy my lunch with Mikuru. I left the room and carried my bento to Mikuru's classroom a floor up, in the senior hall. As I entered I heard an excited squeal as Mikuru skipped toward me with an air of happiness no one can fake. She was just adorable. "Kyon-kun!" She jumped on me as she threw her arms around my neck. That feeling of familiarity hit me again. What was I forgetting? "U-uh. Hey." I put my arms around her and hugged her. This is the part of my day where I can relax, when I can be with Mikuru. She really is the greatest thing in my life right now. "Hey there Kyon-kun! Looks like someone's happy to see you!" Tsuruya-san came out from behind Mikuru as she winked at me. "Take care of her like always! You guys are so cute together!" She bounded out of the room, brushing past us. Mikuru gently softened her grip, as her head rested against my chest, her eyes closed, her mouth in a delicate smile. We released our embrace as she took my free hand and walked me over to her desk. We sat down together and unwrapped our bentos. I proceeded to eat casually; I didn't want to stuff my face in front of her. She was so cute as she worked her chopsticks and ate with small chews. "So Kyon-kun, what do you want to do after school? Suzumiya-san said we didn't have a club meeting today." "Well, I do have cram school, but I would rather be with you Mikuru." She blushed. "Aww. Kyon-kun. You shouldn't do that just for me, I'll feel bad." "Nonsense. I want to be with you, and that's that, my little Mikuru." I snuggled up against her cheek as I said this. I was pretty comfortably romantic, if I do say so myself. Didn't think I'd ever be able to act like this, but around Mikuru, it seems instinctual. She laughed nervously and blushed even more furiously as I kissed her pink cheek softly. Sigh. This life I've come to lead, things just seem like they're going my way. I have to say I'm pretty happy. Just then the feeling of forgetfulness washed over me again. It demolished the happiness inside of me, like I shouldn't be here, like there was something I had to do, or something I forgot. I did my best to ignore it. We finished eating and conversing as the chime rang again. I hugged her goodbye, and left her classroom to head back to room 2-5. Haruhi's head was down on her desk. She must be sleeping again. It seems that that is all she does, she's always tired. Like me. The only time I'm energized is when I'm with Mikuru. "Yo. How was lunch?" "...good." She didn't move her head as she said this straight into her desk. I sat down as Okabe-sensei began the afternoon lesson. I proceeded to space out for the rest of the day, my eyelids slowly closing now and again before I'd snap awake. My head nodded up and down in rhythm with Okabe-sensei’s words, like I was listening to a melodic tune. The familiarity and forgetfulness kept coming back, and even if I'd push it away, it would find its way back into my head. It was bugging the hell out of me, so much so that I missed the chime signaling the end of the day. Haruhi poked me as she was leaving. "Hey Kyon. Wake up. Day's over." "W-wha? Ah. Yeah. Thanks. Sorry." She made sure I was coherent and then left the room with her bag. I grabbed my bag and climbed the stairs to Mikuru's classroom. She was walking out with Tsuruya-san as I came down the hall. I greeted her with a sweet embrace, and we walked to the nearest cafe with Tsuruya-san. Mikuru clung to my arm as she walked, her head affectionately resting on my bicep. Suddenly the familiarity became so strong that I had to stop. "Eh? Is something wrong Kyon-kun? "N-no. It's just... I keep feeling like I've forgot something." "Hm? Could it be homework or something?" No, I wouldn't care that much about homework. Mikuru cutely furrowed her brow in deep thought. I loved how much she seemed to care about me, about something so trivial. "Never mind. Let’s go in." The three of us entered the cafe and sat down. We ordered and talked lightly about the school day. "Sometimes I envy you two Mikuru-chan. You seem so happy together!" "Aw. Thank you Tsuruya-san. What about you? Have you been able to make any progress in gaining enough courage to confess to Kunikida-kun?" Oh, that's right. We had had these conversations before. I had tried to help Tsuruya-san get together with Kunikida before, but Tsuruya is so shy around him, she completely changes. He, on the other hand, is just oblivious to what is going on. For an upperclassman to take an interest in someone younger than her was unusual, but hey, since it was my situation as well, I’m glad it happens. Tsuruya proceeded to blush and turn away from us at Mikuru’s question, fidgeting around in her seat. I volunteered yet another chance for her. "You know Tsuruya-san, I could invite him to go on a double date with us this weekend. You might feel more comfortable if Mikuru and I were here." "Ah! H-ha. No, that's fine! Please, I wouldn't be able to go through with that... nyorro~." Her face was bright red as she raised her hand up to play with her hair nervously. Ah, Tsuruya-san, whatever shall we do with you? Mikuru and Tsuruya-san drank tea while I ordered an Ice coffee. I always seemed to get coffee these days, I'm always tired. As the cool ice hit my lips, the forgetful feeling washed over me again. The coldness of the ice seeped into my mind and would not leave, seemingly trying to tell me. Remember. I wasn't able to drink it for the rest of the time we were there. "Are you feeling alright Kyon-kun? You aren’t drinking you're coffee." "Y-yes. I'm fine. I'm great actually. It would be hard to feel bad with you Mikuru." "Aww." She blushed again as she turned and sipped her tea while smiling. Even I am surprised that I say that stuff sometimes. I voluntarily paid the bill as we headed out of the cafe. We spent the rest of the afternoon window shopping downtown. I told Mikuru I wanted to buy her something nice, but she would not allow it, and just went from store to store with awe at some of the things in the windows. "Kyon! Look at this!" Mikuru came running up to me with a snow globe in her hands. She shook it, and the artificial snowflakes swished around the half sphere, pelting the little figure inside. Artificial snowflakes... I stumbled forward a little as the forgetting feeling collapsed onto my head with force. Something was not right. What was this? What had I forgotten? "Kyon-kun! Are you alright? Something is wrong?" "No no Mikuru, I'm fine. Just lost my footing for a second." Mikuru and Tsuruya-san looked at me with concern. "...ok." After walking through the good parts of downtown, Tsuruya-san told us she had to go and bid us farewell. Mikuru and I watched the long emerald hair disappear around the street corner as she skipped happily away. I turned to the sweet sempai at my side. "Well, shall we go to your place?" "...sure." Her face turned red as she blushed. Now now my little angel, there's no need to be embarrassed anymore, we've been together for a little while now. As we walked hand in hand to the train station, we saw Haruhi waiting for the train to our cram school. "Yo! Haruhi! Tell sensei I'm not going to be there." She turned and raised her hand up. "Ok. I'll give you the notes tomorrow." "Thanks." She boarded her train and watched us as we waited for the train to Mikuru's neighborhood. After a while Haruhi's face turned down as she hid her eyes under her bangs, shivering a little. She must be cold. Or sleepy again. She's always sleepy. As Mikuru's train came, she gave a small sigh of relief, as if she was expecting it not to come. We boarded and found that there were only about 5 other people on the train. We made our way to the other side of the cabin and sat together. I held her hand as her head rested on my shoulder. Ah. This is what it's about. And nothing else. Nothing. ... "Kyon-kun. Thanks for today." "Hm? Oh, that was fun. I wish we could go around every day Mikuru." "I'm sorry Tsuruya-san tagged along." "You know I have fun with Tsuruya-san, so it's no problem. I would be happy with any amount of people, just so long as one of them was you." "Aww. Kyon-kuuuuuun..." She said my nickname lovingly as she snuggled up to my chest. We were in Mikuru's apartment, together sitting on the couch. My arms were around her, our hands clasped together, our fingers intertwined. Her head was resting on my chest, her eyes closed. The fire in the fireplace had died down a bit, as it cast a glow over the apartment. Mikuru was heaving up and down softly as she tried to relax. She always seemed so anxious about everything, but that's just the way she was. I didn't want her to change, for anything. Something occurred to me though. I really should be happy at this moment. Even though I feel that I am happy, there seems to be something missing. It's the feeling of forgetting something again. It created a hole in my happiness, a hole I couldn't fill, and it would not go away. I need something to take my mind off of this. "Hey Mikuru..." "Yes, Kyon-kun?" She moved her lips without opening her eyes. "Can I turn on the radio or something?" "Sure, right behind you there on the end table." Taking great care not to disturb her, I twisted my upper body around and reached for the little switch on the radio. It clicked as I flipped it to the “on” position. No music came out. There wasn't any static or anything. "Does this have batteries Mikuru?" "It should. Try adjusting the station." My index finger and thumb surrounded the dial as I turned it. As I was turning past the 500's into the 600's, more and more static could be heard. The music began to come out clearer and clearer. I stopped the dial on 708 FM, and heard whatever was playing previously end. A new song was starting. I listened thoughtfully. ... I heard the music. It was sultry and melodic. I quite liked it. It was an orchestral piece, with a strangely familiar violin playing foremost in the song. Wait. Familiar. My eyes widened a bit as I started to try and pay more attention. I know this song! I had heard this somewhere before. That's weird, I don't usually listen to this kind of stuff. The noise coming from the radio began to seep into the room and swirl around my head. I laid my head back on the couch and closed my eyes. "The sounds that I heard were some of the most beautiful sounds that had ever reached my ears. The long notes couple with short jabs, played rhythmically and melodically. Perfectly. “ My thoughts echoed in my head. Familiar. I was forgetting again. Why is this. I was beginning to be lost in the music. I don't know why, but I could not think of anything. A sound began to fill the air as a woman started singing. My mind began to fluctuate. Images ran through my mind, strange images. Images of a girl with lavender hair, a bench in a park, a beach. Snow... sand... whiteness... The music began to die down with the woman's voice as it was fading out. I head the DJ's voice come on. "Thanks for listening everyone out there. That was an Edvard Grieg piece, by request for a… Kyon. Ich Liebe Dich." Everything in my head stopped. The world stopped. My eyes shot open as I looked at the ceiling. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. Ich liebe dich. The words reverberated over and over. My mind began playing a clip of that girl with short lavender hair playing a violin. She turned to me and softly said "Ich liebe dich". Suddenly, all the images came into view in front of me at once and began flashing with bursts of light. What is going on? What is this? Am I awake? Is this real? Help! The music began to play, and my head began to ache as a throbbing started, going in synch with my heart beat. Stop! What is going on?! I couldn't move! Familiarity! Forgotten! Remember! Remember! Remember! "..." "Yuki-rin." Yes! That's it! Nagato! That's who that is! Nagato! The violin! The dream states! The bench! The beach! The sleepover! The diary! It all came back! What had happened? This is not reality! The fire flickered in the fireplace as it was dying, creating a strobe light effect in my head that only personified my confusion. I switched my panicked gaze to the sleeping senior on my lap. Asahina-san?! What is this?! I shot to a standing position off of the couch, waking Asahina-san in the process. "Ow. Kyon-kun, what's wrong?" "Asahina-san! What is this? What is going on?" "W-w-wha? Asahina-san? Eh? I was... just... sleeping on you." "I could see that! Why?" "Because you... you are my boyfriend." I stared at her. What is this. Have I just been thrown into an alternate reality? Where is Nagato? I need her to explain! Wait. Nagato said to me in the dream state that she was being terminated. No. It can't be. She said everyone wouldn't remember her! I needed to make sure this wasn’t true before doing anything else. "Asahina-san! Do you remember Nagato?!" "W-wha? N-Nagato? No...?" I took her hands and looked into her eyes, which were beginning to get teary as she saw the alarm in my face. "Are you sure? Think!" "Um... Y-yes... I think I don't know anyone by that name." It was beginning to be true. "Asahina-san! You are a time traveler, are you not?!" She started and recoiled a bit, a gasp escaped her mouth. Her eyes widened as she lay on the couch, my hands clutching hers. "H-ho... How did you k-know that? I haven’t told anyone..." "You did tell me Asahina-san! This all isn't right! Nagato should be here! Koizumi is an esper, right? Haruhi created the time quake 4 years ago right?" She again raised her expression to surprise. "T-time quake? K-Kyon-kun, how do you know that about Suzumiya-san?" "Because you told me! Remember? The cherry blossoms, the bench along the river? We've had adventures! We went back to Tanabata 4 years ago!" She just whimpered and stared in frightened surprise, her mouth agape. I let her go and stood upright. They actually did it. They actually terminated her. She's gone. Time is different now. They altered the data. But she can't be gone. She's still trying to reach me. That song. For me. "I love you". She is still here. I need to find her. I need to know what to do Nagato. I stared at Asahina-san, the lovable sempai was still withdrawn on the couch. The fire was dead now, and the room was dark. "Asahina-san, I have to go. Please... excuse me." I walked hastily to the door and put my hand on the knob before I heard a sound from behind me. "Kyon...kun..." I turned to see Asahina-san, now standing, with her arms extended toward out me. It was the universal gesture for "I want a hug." Wow, she really was my girlfriend, I hadn't seen Asahina-san ever take this kind of initiative. Her face was close to tears, worry written all over it. In her mind, things had just gotten a lot more complicated. Her quivering lips moved again. "Please. Just to say goodbye." I walked over to her and held her. She was warm. I wanted to comfort her. Another feeling washed over me, as an image flashed through my head with such speed that I only had a second to comprehend. ‘Kyon-kun’ I murmured. He stopped us right in the doorway and turned to me. 'Yuki-rin' he said quietly as he placed his hands on my shoulders. 'It will all be alright.' He said this as he pulled my body close to his, and embraced me. Nagato. I instantly let go of Asahina-san. She gasped in surprise, her eyes snapping open. "Sorry Asahina-san, I really have to go. Please. Don't think about this for right now. Something is... wrong, I'll tell you later." I turned quickly and exited, leaving her standing there, alone, in her dark apartment. I knew I had to find Nagato, but I had no idea where. The only thing I could think of to do was to go to her apartment. I ran along the streets, exasperated, until I came to the familiar place. My eyes ran up and down the tall building that I had so often visited. I was just here for a sleep over with the SOS Brigade. With Nagato. I need to find her. Please let something happen to tell me what’s going on! I looked at the intercom outside and pressed my thumb into the button labeled "708". A voice came out after a few seconds. "Yes?" "Nagato?" "What? No, this is Suzumiya Haruhi." "Haruhi?!" What?! Haruhi? What was she doing in Nagato's apartment? What was with this? This was just like an alternate reality. The fact that Nagato is missing from the timeline must mean that it has altered the state of the world. Now it's a place where Asahina-san in my girlfriend and Haruhi lives in this luxury apartment complex. I had never been to her house before, so I had no idea what kind of money or family or anything that she had. Also, it’s too bad I’m too freaked out right now to enjoy Asahina-san being together with me, I’ll have to go talk to her tomorrow or something. "Yes, that's what I said. Is that... Kyon?" "Y-yes. Haruhi, I know this sounds weird, but I can I come up there for a second?" "W-what? To my apartment? Um... y-yeah, sure. Door's unlocked, go ahead." I thought maybe there would be some sort of clue as to where Nagato might be in the apartment. I hoped that Nagato would leave some form of communication for me, like when I was lost in the disappearance world. This was strangely similar. I ran inside and made my way with equal haste to the elevator. It seemed to take forever as it ascended up each level, one by one. It opened to the same badly lit hallway as before, when I chased after Nagato in the dream state. I went along the corridor until the number plates on the door counted up to 708. I knocked. "Coming." There was some rustling as if the person behind the door was hurrying to clean up, or prepare their appearance. Haruhi answered the door in her pajamas. Her hair was slightly disheveled, and her gold hair ribbon was nowhere to be found . Her cheeks were a bit red as if she were embarrassed. Wow, this is weird. Why isn’t she yelling at me or something? I need to proceed with caution here. "Can I come in?" "S-sure." She opened the door all the way and stood aside as I slowly walked into the apartment. It was the exact same as Nagato's from before, only it had furniture. It was lavishly furnished in fact, and smelled of some type of spice. It was eloquent, and seemed sort of girly yet cozy at the same time. I concluded that Haruhi had been watching TV, as the television was on and there was a blanket on her sofa across the room from it. She stood timidly by the door. As if suddenly remembering something, she jumped and looked at me. "Oh, I'm sorry. Should I get some tea? One second..." She started to head for the kitchen but I stopped her. "Haruhi, do you remember Nagato?" She looked at me as her eyes darted toward my hand which was clenched around her wrist. Her cheeks remained a crimson hue. "N-Nagato? No. I don't know a Nagato. I don't think I ever have." Just as I thought. Sigh. I let go of her and she went to the kitchen to make tea. I headed over to the kotatsu in the middle of the room and sat down. Haruhi was watching some romantic show it looked like. My eyes slithered over the room, taking it in. Now that I think about it, the walls are a different color, they are a light purple color, whereas Nagato's walls where just white. Light purple... Nagato. The curtains were open and I could see the city lights keeping watch over everything in the dark. There was quite a view from this apartment. My gaze went around until I came upon Haruhi's school bag on another table. My eyes stopped moving. There I saw a familiar book. I got up eagerly and walked over to it. My hands picked up the smooth book and looked at the cover. It was the novel Nagato had been reading. The French one. L’Étranger. Haruhi came in with a trey in her hands, a tea pot and two cups sitting on top of it. She saw me looking at the cover of the novel. "I'm reading that right now. It's really interesting." "Is that so?" I carefully turned to the page Haruhi was currently on. What I wanted to see was there. A bookmark. And what I saw on the bookmark was even more surprising, as I audibly gasped involuntarily. On it was the cartoon drawing of Nagato from before. The one that had a chibi-like Nagato holding the chocolates. The one I had found when I had dropped her bag and all her stuff spilled out. That small scribble on a piece of paper. This time, the cartoon Nagato wasn't saying "Kyon-kun" though. In the speech bubble were the words "7 days." My mind tried to put a meaning to this. I traced through everything Nagato had said to me about her changing. I tried to remember her diary. I tried to remember what Koizumi had said about dream states. Nothing. 7 days? What? "Do you like that bookmark? It was given to me as a present from someone. It was in my shoe locker, with a note." "Haruhi, do you have that note still?" "Eh? Uh. Yeah, one sec." She went over to her bag and rummaged through her front pocket. She produced the note and showed it to me. My enthusiasm was fulfilled, as the writing on the note was Nagato's handwriting, with computer like font that spelled out “For you.” "Do you know who gave it to me?" "Uh. Yes. No... I mean. Not really." Her face blushed again, and her head bent slowly downward as she put the note back. She walked over to the kotatsu and poured two cups of tea. I continued staring at the bookmark. 7 days. What was Nagato trying to say? "Haruhi, when did you get this? How long ago?" Her face turned upward as if in perpetual thought, her hand came to her chin as her index finger pointed out in a Koizumi like pose. "Hm... um... about 10 days ago, I think. Last Friday." 10 days. That's... the day I first read Nagato's diary. At least in my time line, my memory. That's the day that I learned something was wrong with Nagato. Wait. What did she say then? "Lately there have been disturbances in my data correlation abilities. I cannot process the data I used to process easily. The Entity is non-responsive." "Um... how long has this been happening?" "7 days." Then it hit me. She had said that she had started changing 7 days from that Friday. That means something happened. "Who Nagato? Who did this to you? "..." "You." She said. That means that I did something 7 days before that. My emotions went on high as I remembered this. Nagato crying in the clubroom. Her running out and me chasing her. But how would I know? I can't remember anything like that. I didn't think I had done anything weird or romantic toward Nagato at that time. Now I have the clue, but I don't know what to do. Oh, Nagato, why are you so cryptic? Haruhi saw my grimaced face, lost in thought. "Are you ok Kyon?" "Haruhi, can I have this?" I held up the book mark. "Um. Yeah, I guess." She looked back toward the table and sipped her tea. "Thanks." I put the bookmark into my coat pocket, and placed her novel back into her bag. I then turned toward her. "Haruhi, I'm terribly sorry for barging in on you, but I forgot I have something I have to do. I'm sorry, but I must leave." My legs moved me toward the door, but stopped when I heard a small sound from behind, a familiar sound, like one I had just heard when exiting the previous apartment I was in. "Kyon..." My head swiveled around to see Haruhi standing. Her face was bright red, as she was blushing furiously. Her right hand was outstretched toward me, her fingers parted, as if she were string to grab something, to hold on to something. Her left hand was clenched at her chest. I stared back at her. Her eyes stared into mine with longing. What is it Haruhi? Do you need to say something to me? Just as I was going to speak, her gaze lowered, along with her outstretched hand. Her bangs covered her eyes, as her faint and fragile voice came to me. "Bye." I stared at her again. She was just standing there. I saw her slightly starting to shake again, like she had on the train. I couldn't see her face. "Bye." I turned and exited the apartment while closing the door quietly. Walking to the elevator, I took a look outside. For once, I was sorry to not see snow falling. My eyes were only met with the gentle lights of the city, caressing the night in its arms. Thanks for reading. If you are. Otherwise you can't see what I'm writing.
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