Dating

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Papaya

So I said "it's not worth going to if it's not with you"... SMOOTH AMIRITE?

You're good.

Common advice for the males that I'll repeat here: no matter how hot you think your girlfriend is now, in two years (maximum) you won't see her that way. It's just natural instinct, it probably impacts 99% of all males. Don't base things off of appearence alone, personality is important. But don't downplay the importance of appearence, either. If your girlfriend is frumpy to you, you'll struggle a lot over feelings of physical attraction to other girls who are much more attractive to you.

A relationshp is work. It's trust, knowing when to give and when to take, being able to communicate, and second-guessing yourself. If you can pull it off properly, it won't feel like you're working hard or suffering, and others will likely tell you that it seems so wonderful and effortless. Don't be fooled if you see such relationships yourself. Fairy tale relationships do exist, but those stories never detail what's involved in "happily ever after." Now you know.

[Jazzrat]

women usually gets prettier as they grow older (until wrinkles and love handles start popping out)

[Papaya]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

women usually gets prettier as they grow older (until wrinkles and love handles start popping out)

The grow prettier thing lasts for about 10 years... starting when they're 10. lols!

[Marina]

Originally Posted by Jazzrat

women usually gets prettier as they grow older (until wrinkles and love handles start popping out)

Oh dear lord, the same thing happens to men! Only what, they get beer guts...

Originally Posted by Papaya

The grow prettier thing lasts for about 10 years... starting when they're 10. lols!

hmmm, that's interesting, so either you're going to stop dating when you hit 20...or you'll just keep pursuing younger and younger women? Creepy! *runs away* So I hit the 21 mark...meaning I'm no longer getting prettier?

You guys crack me up!

[deathreape98]

Originally Posted by Zero Shinohara

Good job on that.

Still, I hope it doesn't turn out to be like...

THIS!

I Loled so hard.

omg...

an attempt was just made at my life....


death from loling too damn hard :P

Originally Posted by yotsuba

Right now, I like someone, but I can't get the courage to say something.
It's a problem since he's a bit older than me.. I feel sort of naive next to him..

Everyone, do your best! Love is a battlefield.

Some guys aren't aggressive, no matter how the masses are. You need to take the first step. If you can't say it to him in person, get his msn, aim, myspace, email, etc. and ask him out over that. After confessing, even if over the internet, it'll become alot easier to say it.

[Darkman.exe213]

Hey guys, I'm looking for some advice. I really like someone, and I'm really good friends with her. Problem is, I'm not sure if she likes me back. I'm afraid that if I confessed to her and she rejected me, our friendship would be ruined. Any advice?

[anti-random]

Hey, its the same problem I have. Sheesh, it sure is a small world. I guess what I am doing is passing some time and see what the future holds. But if nothing changes by January, I am just going to ask her.

[Ledgem]

It may be awkward for a little while, but it really depends on how you ask. I was friends with one girl that I asked out. There was nothing overly dramatic about it, or even very straight-forward - I just asked if she'd be free to do lunch some time, and named a time (aggressive dating advice: don't name a time, because it makes it easier for the girl to back out). She said she was busy with friends, so I named another time, and she said she was busy again. I wasn't very aggressive about it, and took the hint. It may have been my imagination, but she avoided me for about two or three months after that, before being friendly towards me again.

If you're very direct, I'd imagine that you risk having an awkward situation. That'd equate to ruining your friendship, or diminishing it. If you're already close friends with her, asking her to lunch might not be seen as a big deal. If you don't want to be overly aggressive, make it simple - maybe tell her that you've been feeling closer to her lately, and were wondering if she felt the same (that may still be too "heavy" depending on how close you are to her - but it also may not be heavy enough). Don't freak her out by telling her that for the past X months you couldn't stop thinking about her and want to be "the one" for her, unless she'd get into that. You know best what she's like and how your relationship dynamics are with her. Whatever you do, be confident in yourself! Lack of confidence will drastically cut any chances of anything happening.

There's also the theory about the "friends box" - it basically states that once you know a girl, you have a certain amount of time before she will permanantly mark you as a friend and never consider dating you. It may hold true for the majority, but you hear of plenty of people who have been friends for a long time and begin dating.

[2H-Dragon]

There's nothing wrong being in the friend box while she is dating someone else. Just grab your chance when they break up. It isn't really a healthy way to start a relationship, but hey a man gotta do what a man gotta do. xD

Personally dating a close friends is a definite no in my book. Normal friends(gah don't really know a good word for it)/half-friends are okay and easy targets.

Ledgem nailed it I think. Since I don't really know much about dating friends, but in the end how much does that friendship mean to you? While I think love is overrated, friendship is important. I can still easily risk if I ever fell in love.(I never fell in love, so yeah I would do everything in my power to keep it.) If I fail I get hit hard, but rather get over it fast then slow.

Seems you speak about really like. How important is it to you to have relationship with that girl? Personally I have more fun with girls if they are just my friends then when they are my girlfriend.

On an other note I'm really now seeing my tastes are into older women. -.-""" With older I mean like like 3 to 5 years older. It's kinda a bitch. While I have the confidence in getting a girl my age, but an older girl. Scares meh. :<

[Darkman.exe213]

Guess I should've said something earlier, but I don't get to see the person I like very often, either.(we don't go to the same school) I usually get to see her once every few weeks, though I can keep in touch with her via e-mail. Thanks for the help so far, though.

[ohitislove]

I'm sure it will get easier!

[lenneal]

Hey thank you all for the advice b4 but i have a new problem concerening this Okay u see ive been friends with this girl i've kno since 8th grd and me and her r really good friends and shes a pretty kool me and her always study together and talk together and take the bus..well u get the point so i was wondering if i should ask her out? or would it just kill r long friendship?

[raikage]

It could go either way.

Sorry, there's really no such thing as a definitive answer.

[symbiotes_021]

Yeah, I agree with raikage on this matter.

But you wouldn't know until you try, right?

[Marina]

Originally Posted by lenneal

Hey thank you all for the advice b4 but i have a new problem concerening this Okay u see ive been friends with this girl i've kno since 8th grd and me and her r really good friends and shes a pretty kool me and her always study together and talk together and take the bus..well u get the point so i was wondering if i should ask her out? or would it just kill r long friendship?

I don't really understand why you would "kill [your] long friendship." Even if there is no hope, is the friendship not worth enough to stick around for? Even if I couldn't have someone in a romantic way, just being near them would be enough, I think it proves that you really care for them. But like the others say, if you gauge her interest to be similar to yours, then you should try asking her out.

[Shinoto]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

It may be awkward for a little while, but it really depends on how you ask. I was friends with one girl that I asked out. There was nothing overly dramatic about it, or even very straight-forward - I just asked if she'd be free to do lunch some time, and named a time (aggressive dating advice: don't name a time, because it makes it easier for the girl to back out). She said she was busy with friends, so I named another time, and she said she was busy again. I wasn't very aggressive about it, and took the hint. It may have been my imagination, but she avoided me for about two or three months after that, before being friendly towards me again.

Personally...I would say you saved yourself time. A girl like that...really the only word I can think about is ***** to describe it. She doesn't tell you straight out then proceeds to ignore you because of it. I would say you got the better end of the deal out of it.

Really the best advice to give is, Give it your best shot and Dont waste anymore time after. They are not worth it then. If they still want to be friends, that is golden. But don't bother trying again or anything.
If you like someone, Go for it. Its selfish to yourself and her. Because all your doing is lieing about it to both of you. And here is the good side...even if you ask a friend out and she says no. If she decides to ignore you, cold shoulder...and not actually just tell you. Pretty much you just found out she is a ***** right off the bat and didn't even have to waste too much time to do it. If she still cherishs you...Then you found a real friend for sure.

[Syaoran]

Dating seems like a complicated thing... especially when you're more of a reserved type of person. It's even more complicated when your world gets turned upside down because you fell for a person of the same sex >___<
You just can't do what you would do when you like a girl... except observing and trying to become friends little by little and finding out what and how *sigh*

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Shinoto

Personally...I would say you saved yourself time. A girl like that...really the only word I can think about is ***** to describe it. She doesn't tell you straight out then proceeds to ignore you because of it. I would say you got the better end of the deal out of it.

I discovered later that I saved myself a whole lot more than that, but I won't mention it here. Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. For one, if it was her first time being asked out (which is possible) then she may not have known how to react. That may explain her ignoring me (which, admittedly, may have also been unintentional/coincidence, but I strongly doubt it). Secondly, she was of Asian background. From a cultural standpoint, Asians (and many other "minority cultures") communicate indirectly. It links into aspects of their culture, but the general idea is saving face and not offending the other person. If a girl flat-out tells you "no, I don't want to date you" then on one hand, you do have closure... but on the other hand, that hurts. At least if there's an indirect response, you're free to pick up on the message yourself, and for some reason, it's less painful than being told directly.

Really the best advice to give is, Give it your best shot and Dont waste anymore time after. They are not worth it then. If they still want to be friends, that is golden. But don't bother trying again or anything.

It depends on the scenario; there are plenty of real-life love stories where persistence was the factor that won a woman/man's heart. If it really matters to you, keep trying. Just don't be discouraged by failed efforts, or by giving up entirely. And don't become stalkerish over it.

If you like someone, Go for it. Its selfish to yourself and her. Because all your doing is lieing about it to both of you. And here is the good side...even if you ask a friend out and she says no. If she decides to ignore you, cold shoulder...and not actually just tell you. Pretty much you just found out she is a ***** right off the bat and didn't even have to waste too much time to do it. If she still cherishs you...Then you found a real friend for sure.

I agree that you should just go for it anyway. Asking someone out is a real thrill. If it's difficult for you to do (sure was for me) then know that it does get easier with each successive time you do it, but not by too much. The more confident you are in yourself, the easier it is, for sure.

If a girl ignores you as a result, I wouldn't consider it to mean that she's a bad person. We'd need a girl's opinion on this here, but I'd imagine that they'd be ignoring out of feeling awkward or perhaps even bad/guilty about having rejected you. It could also mean that they were weirded out by you (my sister has had an experience like that and never wanted to see the guy again), but presuming that you're a fine person and all that, I'd presume it's more along the lines of being unsure of how to act, being unsure of what your inner feelings are at having been rejected, or perhaps even just trying to sort out her own feelings. Don't go assuming the worst

Originally Posted by Syaoran

Dating seems like a complicated thing... especially when you're more of a reserved type of person. It's even more complicated when your world gets turned upside down because you fell for a person of the same sex >___<
You just can't do what you would do when you like a girl... except observing and trying to become friends little by little and finding out what and how *sigh*

I always felt a bit of pity for homosexuals, actually. They'd be attracted to other people in much the same way that heterosexuals, but there's a lot more "noise" - in addition to wondering if they can get the other person to like them and whether the relationship would work out, they have to wonder if the person they like is also a homosexual. I don't know if they can tell easily, but it certainly can't be as easy as telling a male from a female.

[Syaoran]

Finding out isn't easy. Ok, you've those where you've to be blind not to notice, but most of them just act like any straight guy. And finding out about someone is a delicate venture where no errors are allowed.
At least it's the case for me... Even if it's in vain, staying friends with that person is still more valuable than creating a hostile situation because of it.

And realizing and accepting what you are >____<

[KyuubiRocks]

In my life experiences..being friends with an ex is pretty much a hard thing...'once someone new steps into yours or your ex's life, its not easy for that person to see their partner with the someone you once dated
so eventually the two ex's just end up drifting apart and on occasions they do bump into each other..it's usually just a hi , bye interaction like saying hi to just a familiar face......