Have you ever been in LOVE?

[Ragnarok6502]

Thats kinda what heppened to me :S but with out the missing part... i just felt like.. damn feelings are sh** didnt miss her... cause i never had her

i know how that is. it sux. loving someone who in no mind loves you back.

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by Secca

Anyone ever experience being in love with someone but didn't work out in the end? That you feel you just want to disapear because it hurt so much thinking and missing that person night after night being alone?

Twice.

First time was my own stupid fault. I got involved in a situation I should have avoided and knew I was being stupid. But love is like a drug, once you get that high going its hard to walk away. I managed to do it though, I did the right thing by everyone, and felt like crap for a long time afterwards, even though I was the good guy and did the right thing. Net result, a couple years pissed away, and got to go see a shrink. Aint love grand...

Second time just sucked. My gf at the time was the total package, smart, good looking, great job, great personality, the whole deal. We worked together, and got to be good friends. Started hanging around and was the shoulder she cried on when your current bf was being a worthess shit. Mr. Worthless finally bailed on her, and I got to pick up the pieces. Found out her ex left her a surprise going away present (pregnant) but I was her friend, so I stuck it out and helped her. Got to be good friends, and started going out. Then of course, her ex-bf family found out about the baby and gave him compete hell for being a worthless bastard. Needless to say, with her ex being a mommas boy, he showed up and wanted to get back together and "be a family".

That went back and forth for a few months, and predictably, Mr. Worthess was the victor. So she moved off to Spain to spend the next few years being completly miserable. Never even said goodbye. Kind of saw it coming though, and I didnt get as badly hurt as the first time, but it still sucked.

Then she calls me out of blue about six months ago, after having tracked me down (I live in a different city now) and wants to pick up where we left off, after dumping the loser ex. Again. For the third time. Even though she is in the UK now and I am still in the US.

Needless to say, I had learned my lesson by that time, and let that one pass. Still think about her though, and still feel like an IDIOT for still having feelings for her.

Love can be fantastic, when it all works. But it isnt magic. It takes a lot of WORK. After you get past the inital "love high" and/or the lust component, keeping a relationship working takes a lot of effort.

For you younger folks;
Dont sweat it, it will work itself out. It hurts like hell, and makes you feel like hell when if doesnt work out, but its still worth trying.

[relentlessflame]

Originally Posted by Arwyn

For you younger folks;
Dont sweat it, it will work itself out. It hurts like hell, and makes you feel like hell when if doesnt work out, but its still worth trying.

(emphasis mine)

If you don't mind, let me push you just a bit further... why? I'd have my own answer (and to a large extent I've already given it), but I'm just curious about why you keep looking for love, even though you've had some pretty troublesome experiences...

[Arwyn]

Originally Posted by relentlessflame

(emphasis mine)

If you don't mind, let me push you just a bit further... why? I'd have my own answer (and to a large extent I've already given it), but I'm just curious about why you keep looking for love, even though you've had some pretty troublesome experiences...

Because I have seen it work. My folks have been married for 38 years, and are still very much in love with each other. I have two uncles that are similarly blessed.

I grew up around solid healthy relationships, so I know it works. I have friends who have been married for going on ten years now, so its not just something confined to the previous generation.

And I want the same thing. I want a home, a family, kids, the whole thing. Unfortunately in our day and age, you have to wade through large numbers of damaged people that have no clue what a healthy relationship even looks like.

In all the cases of dating and the couple of times I have been really in love, even though it ended, I did get something out of it. It may have only been some good (or bad) memories, but most of the time I also got a lot better idea of what I wanted in a relationship, and what I definately didnt want. It also did wonders for fixing some of the irrational and stupid things that I was hung up on.

Here are a couple of good ones;

1) Beautiful people usually arent. What may look good on the outside usually conceals something pretty ugly on the inside. Now that IS a pretty broad generalization, but I have gone out with some drop dead gorgeous women, and the majority of them were total flakes after I go to know them.

What did that do for me? I figured out pretty quick that I will take a smart, funny, average looking girl over the bitchy, shallow, gorgeous girl any day.

2) Lust can be a hell of a lot of fun, but doesnt last. The sex may be great, but if you cant talk to each other, forget it.

3) You are NOT going to change people. If your going into a relationship thinking "if I could just change these few things, they would be perfect" then your doomed to failure. If you cant accept the good and bad points in a person, get over it an move on, otherwise your just going to make both of you miserable.

4) Honesty is EVERYTHING. If they lie, leave. Im not kidding either. Honesty is the key, if they lie to you about the small things, than they will lie to you about the important stuff as well. Dont walk away, run.

5) Dont sweat the small stuff. People aint mind readers, so getting bent over small trivial stuff isnt worth ruining a relationship over.

6) Talk to each other. If you cant, you dont have a relationship, or you wont have one that lasts long.

[Niels]

Yeah i think ive been in love, but in the end it hurts *^-^*

[pipen53]

quite interesting to see all the replies posted up in response to this thread. love i dun know, i been in a long term relationship for 4 years now and im still not sure what love is. i have a comfortable relationship and im happy with that, i dont think im one of those people that can fall in love "at first sight". hmmm... but.... there was this one girl a few years ago who i had a crush/love on, i didnt tell here for 5 years and now she dating one of my frens. oh well i guess thats how the cookie crumbles.

[Necrodeath]

Originally Posted by pipen53

quite interesting to see all the replies posted up in response to this thread. love i dun know, i been in a long term relationship for 4 years now and im still not sure what love is. i have a comfortable relationship and im happy with that, i dont think im one of those people that can fall in love "at first sight". hmmm... but.... there was this one girl a few years ago who i had a crush/love on, i didnt tell here for 5 years and now she dating one of my frens. oh well i guess thats how the cookie crumbles.

Bah, I could never be like that
I can't imagine myself to be in quite a long relationship without really knowing if I loved her or not...I love my current girlfriend, thats for sure, but I can't see myself in a relationship with her for 4 years for some reason...To me, there are different degrees of love...hard to explain...

[Archuka]

Originally Posted by g33k

superior to ppl around u... k dude... thats not good at all.. u may have a surpirse 1 of these days proving that may be some1 is better than u

Please read my post before replying. I said "most". I often meet people that I admire for various reasons. Neither do I think I do everything better than other people. It's just the incredible stupidity of the masses around me, in the web and everywhere else that makes me feel like a better person.

[SirJeannot]

just once, to the point of being sick.
but it somehow didn't work out very well. she changed ...

[Jenichan]

I think I've only truly been in love once, and it's with my current boyfriend of over 4 years. It hasn't been all fun tho, at times it's downright sucked. His former girlfriend decided to become a whore (literally) without telling him and had already cheated on him several times to his knowledge. So basically I had a lot of pieces to pick up when she was done with him (or more, he was done with her). I was told I would never be as good as her (a lying cheating whore) and that I'd always be 2nd best in his eyes. Luckily his tune changed after a couple months together as I knew it would and we are very happy together. We've survived parents divorces, friends hating us because of the situation (it's complicated...) and him having cancer (just finished last chemo, yay!), but we're still in love as much as we were 4 years ago (at least I think so, lol).

All of you who haven't been in love, or are hurting from past loves, just bear with it, someday you will find someone that means more to you than you could ever imagine and it will be great even though you may have to go thru a lot for it. Just don't wait around for that person that is "perfect", it will never happen.

[SirJeannot]

some day ... i've heard that many times ...
it's done for me, i got enough

[Heartless Archangel]

I've been inlove so many times before.

[Kira]

heh i just felt like posting this thread cuz ive been questioning myself recently what is the definition of love, is it all about the feeling? anyways love for me is something that ive never found, that i am searching in vain but it isint nrealy there yet so whats your definition???

[Shoeshefied]

to me it means, 'to be continued, an overlook of existence and whats not',.. ahaha~- dont mind me.. i been reading buddhism stuff too much.

[DaFool]

It's the elusive holy grail.

It's easier to get laid, find illegal drugs, or even win the lottery than to find someone to truly love on an equal basis.

Parents, relatives, don't count as its more a matter of circumstance and authority and practicality.

[JoeStoppable]

Love to me means, Being with someone that makes you happy, knowing that no matter how hard you look you'll never find anyone who can make you happier than you are when your with that person. Regardless of their outer apperance, their financial status, or their social status in the world.

Hmmm I dont know if that actually made sense. HAHAHAHAHA

Oh well, its done! I have spoken!!! HAHAHAHA

[音楽は死んだ]

Originally Posted by DaFool

It's easier to get laid, find illegal drugs, or even win the lottery than to find someone to truly love on an equal basis.

Heh, indeed, I could walk 5 minutes back when I was going to college and find the first two no sweat... from the same person

I was in love once in my life, and it was mutual. It dosn't happen often, and it hasnt happend since. I still love her enough to say it was the right thing to let her go, she could do alot better than someone that could do so little for her. And thats what I think love is...
*12 minutes later*
Geeze I dont know how to put it >__< Lord I had it all thought out before I started typing, or so I though. Its more than careing about someone, its more than doing anything for em, its feeling as if your part of the same flow in life. You may grow apart, but your feelings for the person never change. -insert random gibberish here-

Blah, I'm drawing a blank ^_^'

[Kira]

hehe its fun to see people actually took the time to read my thread, thx everyone

[killmoms]

Originally Posted by DaFool

It's the elusive holy grail.

It's easier to get laid, find illegal drugs, or even win the lottery than to find someone to truly love on an equal basis.

Parents, relatives, don't count as its more a matter of circumstance and authority and practicality.

Wow, someone's jaded. Go take some Prozac, man. Life's not that bad.

Love is a consistent state of living and doing for another person more than oneself, bred from a deep respect for and emotional connection with them.

[Termina]

Love is a consistent state of living and doing for another person more than oneself, bred from a deep respect for and emotional connection with them.

Love is control. You can only love someone when you have complete control over their mind and body.

You can only love someone who is willing to do anything and everything to please you, and you can only love someone when they are the weaker of the pair.

Besides that, love is nonexistant. Pain and pleasure in a relationship can take the form of something like love though, which might be kind of where you were going with your inane quote there.

You can't respsect someone you love, because you can't respect someone weaker than you.