AnimeSuki Forums

GaelicDragon · 2012-09-01, 00:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhklan

Uh, guys? Can you comment on my LoA omake above?

Keep up the good work. I thought it was rather amusing...and looking forward to the others you hinted at.

It was a very cute scene...Reinforce getting sick due to roller coasters was rather amusing. Wasn't to sure about the "overly concerned about the diet"...seemed a little harsh from a parent.

It does make one wonder though...can someone who's element is ice get an ice cream headache? The world wants to know.

I would have commented earlier, but I wasn't near a keyboard.

Lhklan · 2012-09-01, 01:17

Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:

Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-01, 01:42

^ Shaggy Dog Story at it's finest. Though can be subverted if there's another path.

agetreme · 2012-09-01, 08:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhklan

Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:

Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:

Now it read like start of darkness for Yuuno....

Lhklan · 2012-09-01, 09:21

Yuuno "Heartstealer" Scrya?

Lycodrake · 2012-09-01, 09:24

For those of you who didn't already know, "Magical Girl Nanoha 12?" updated on FF.net.

agetreme · 2012-09-01, 11:15

My current plan:

Spoiler for Mind of Madness:

Lhklan · 2012-09-01, 11:20

^3 words: What. The. Fuck?

Lycodrake · 2012-09-01, 11:42

...I concur with lhklan here.

GaelicDragon · 2012-09-01, 12:17

Stepford Mage?

agetreme · 2012-09-01, 12:22

My specialty anyway....

First one:
Basically, a rehash of Fate being trapped in Dream work except....
It's real because some idiots decide to make it possible by extensive memory modification.

A serious dystopia:

>A world where no magic...(because the Memory mage has serious inferior complex.... having ZERO combat ability compared to those kids at sport game...)

>There is no death.... (because your dead relative get replaced by new one)

>Everybody goes to school and the masterminds behind it is part of the popular/"Elite" (again inferiority complex in play).

In a way, ultimate Escapist's fantasy....that is so wrong in many level that it is better not to think about it.

(Also to demonstrate that you don't need Nanoha's firepower to be a serious threat....)

Quote:

Stepford Mage?

Yep.
In a way.
That smile is not fake but the problem is the reason behind that smile....

====

The OC villain..... I always wanted to do a villain who is an epic mind-screw troll-er (AKA Terumi from Blazblue).....

==
Last Section Case File: Dark Matter..... is technically Magical drug abuse....

Family Unfriendly Aesop?:
>No matter how much you try, you can't be as good as somebody who have both hardwork and talent....(not to mention being trained by the very best while you have to struggle to learn everything on yourself own.....)

>In someway, Level Upper arc?

ZeroXSEED · 2012-09-01, 13:13

WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL.

Stop mindraping the readers and fellow writers, Age! (and fueling potential NTR material)

EDIT: Also, the ultimate take that, thumbs up.

blitz1/2 · 2012-09-01, 20:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lhklan

Thanks GD. That makes me feel better.
And here's the second one:

Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake:

I could be mistaken, but the dialogue is similar to Fate unlimited Codes Saber Alter route introduction.

agetreme · 2012-09-01, 22:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL.

Stop mindraping the readers and fellow writers, Age! (and fueling potential NTR material)

EDIT: Also, the ultimate take that, thumbs up.

Okay, the first one scrap, so that I can work on the second one instead

Allquall · 2012-09-02, 06:29

The Name of War
Chapter 17: Wrath is Cruel

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4380342/17/

Lycodrake · 2012-09-02, 14:02

...I take it that I did horribly on that snippet, then...sorry...
Moved it back with the first...

Old_Iron · 2012-09-02, 14:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lycodrake

...I take it that I did horribly on that snippet, then...sorry...
Moved it back with the first...

For the record, you waited all of one hour midday on a Sunday for commentary before deleting it. Remember that AS is a much slower board than Beast's Lair and not everything is going to receive the same level of response at times. You have to let these things sit for a while.

And if you think you did horribly on it, then retool it and think about where you went wrong after reading it yourself a few times. A good beta can help greatly, particularly with larger stories. And have some confidence in your work. If you don't, then how are readers supposed to have confidence in your writing. Besides, when you fail, learn from those failures instead of wallowing in some sort of self-inflicted muck of despair. Sometimes you can fix a story. Sometimes you can't.

Hell, I had all sort of hopes for I Stand Alone: Aftermath and those went right out the window when it became clear that I'd screwed myself over with all sorts of angles for the story. So... I failed. And I couldn't fix it. Now I've got a better idea on how to approach a story's creation and writing by learning from that failure.

NorthernFallout · 2012-09-02, 14:35

Wait 24h+.

If you haven't received any by that time, then start poking people, PM peeps you know might be itnerested or shrug and work on something else.

Rising Dragon · 2012-09-02, 14:35

I liked it. I couldn't reply though because I had chores to get through.

Lycodrake · 2012-09-02, 14:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Old_Iron

For the record, you waited all of one hour midday on a Sunday for commentary before deleting it. Remember that AS is a much slower board than Beast's Lair and not everything is going to receive the same level of response at times. You have to let these things sit for a while.

...learn from those failures instead of wallowing in some sort of self-inflicted muck of despair. ...

...okay.

http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...54#post4320454
Put it back with the first.

I enjoyed writing both the first and the new snippet for the idea.
Just hoping that others like it...

2012-09-01, 01:17	Link #37062
Lhklan The Unpronounceable Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Clock Tower	Thanks GD. That makes me feel better. And here's the second one: Spoiler for I Stand Alone - Aftermath omake: Awakening *************** beep beep beep … What… is that sound? … Where am I? Am I… still alive? Those were the first thoughts that entered my head. It might sound somewhat cliché, but it’s the truth. How long has it been since Jail’s attack? A week? A month? I honestly had no idea. Slowly, I open my eyes, though I noted that one of them feels off. The blank white ceiling of the hospital greeted me, telling me where am I and what that sound was. Sure enough, next to my bed, there’s an EKG machine. The nurses are probably alerted of my awakening by now. I tried to sit up to take a better look around the room, but it was an arduous task. My entire body feels lethargic, and somehow I can’t really sense my arms. Sure they’re there, but it’s as if there are no sensations, no feelings there. I received my answer when I tried to do a diagnosis scan. Not only had both of my arms and my right one were replaced with cybernetics, my Linker Core was severely damage, and it would took a while for it to recover. Thankfully, the equation for the Infinity Library search engine was still running, even though there’s no power behind it. Huh. Somehow I’m not surprised. A bitter chuckle escaped my lips. How ironic. In trying to prove my worth, I ended up being even more useless than before. ********************

2012-09-01, 01:42	Link #37063
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	^ Shaggy Dog Story at it's finest. Though can be subverted if there's another path. __________________

2012-09-01, 09:24	Link #37066
Lycodrake Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Age: 32	For those of you who didn't already know, "Magical Girl Nanoha 12?" updated on FF.net. __________________

2012-09-01, 11:15	Link #37067
agetreme Just another Idiot Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Delusion world	My current plan: Spoiler for Mind of Madness: Project Eden (I dubbed it the harem project!) (Canon Character involved: Teana, Subaru, Fate?) > People have been disappearing from Midchilda > While girls start appear in a world called Happiville > TSAB got suspicious so they sent in Teana > Who unfortunately fall into a trap. > A girl who suspiciously looked like Teana appear on Happiville. > Subaru go in rescue Teana and to find out the truth. Enemy is not combat mage (zero skill in combat) but a S-rank memory Mage who can manipulate memories. His goal: To built a Harem. To make a world a happier place by giving everybody modified memories... Sad memory because a relative died? No problem, The Other Darrin. There are only a handful of males in Eden...(All are involved in Project Eden) Spoiler for OC villain: "All these Happy stuff is making me sick... time to fill the land with blood and darken the sky with smoke! Just like the good old days!" An OC villain...from Belkan Age, since he is powered by Despair... He is nearly god-like during Belkan Age....that is before he is sealed away. Come to modern era, his power level dropped really drastic (Thanks to the effort of TSAB and the Church.... there too much happy stuff....). He is responsible for most of the crap that is happen in my Fan-verse. (Basically served as the Big Bad/ main villain for my fanfic). > He is a ghost and can't be killed.....again. (because Belkan war wiped out magic systems that can deal with ghosts....) >He can possess mages who fallen into complete despair why? Because people in despair feels hollow inside... but he can be chased out of the body via inflicting enough magical damages. >He like to groom his potential host first.... by mind-raping them.. > Potential Host slowly gain his eye, hair, magic color and ability as long as they are being "marked"..... Spoiler for OC stuff, can be ignored: Last Priority Section (or Last Section), is the only department in TSAB which record and deal with ridiculous crap that no other TSAB department have to deal with (TSAB elite have better things to do than to look for a pet cat who returned from the grave) Blacklisted TSAB members or Anybody with poor report writing skill are sent here.. Last Section Case File: Dark Matter > Over-powered mages have been appearing Intermiddle Dimension Sports Activity Association > by overpowered, they one-hit KO their opponent (Inflicting 99999 damages, an impossible task for mages of their age) > It began as a rumor....That one can do such thing by making a pact with the Devil. > Since no department in TSAB deal with Supernatural stuff, they sent in the Last Section. __________________ Ara Han Last edited by agetreme; 2012-09-01 at 11:38.

2012-09-01, 11:42	Link #37069
Lycodrake Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Age: 32	...I concur with lhklan here. __________________

2012-09-01, 09:21	Link #37065
Lhklan The Unpronounceable Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Clock Tower	Yuuno "Heartstealer" Scrya?

2012-09-01, 11:20	Link #37068
Lhklan The Unpronounceable Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Clock Tower	^3 words: What. The. Fuck?

2012-09-01, 12:17	Link #37070
GaelicDragon Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: State of Deseret, Southern providence	Stepford Mage?

2012-09-01, 13:13	Link #37072
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	WHAT. THE. FUCKING. HELL. Stop mindraping the readers and fellow writers, Age! (and fueling potential NTR material) EDIT: Also, the ultimate take that, thumbs up. __________________ Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2012-09-01 at 13:39.

2012-09-02, 06:29	Link #37075
Allquall The Not-So-Kind One Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Asia	The Name of War Chapter 17: Wrath is Cruel http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4380342/17/

2012-09-02, 14:02	Link #37076
Lycodrake Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Age: 32	...I take it that I did horribly on that snippet, then...sorry... Moved it back with the first... __________________

2012-09-02, 14:35	Link #37078
NorthernFallout The Interstellar Medium Author Join Date: May 2008 Location: [SWE] Age: 34	Wait 24h+. If you haven't received any by that time, then start poking people, PM peeps you know might be itnerested or shrug and work on something else. __________________

2012-09-02, 14:35	Link #37079
Rising Dragon Goat Herder Author Join Date: Jun 2008 Age: 36	I liked it. I couldn't reply though because I had chores to get through. __________________