Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[Bikerider]

meanwhile inside HQ during chapter 114

Trainee: I wanna go home
Other Trainee: I'm hungry
Another Trainee: I got to go to the toilet
Still another trainee: Gimme a sword, I want a real sword. No training sword.
And still another trainee: This had better be good, I was having a nice dream for once.
And still another different trainee: It's ass kicking time !!!

Raki: Are you sure about this ?

Freak Twin Left: Yeah, we know. But we want to help sister Miria
Freak Twin Right: and this is the best way

[Weird D]

Here's one in Bikerider's style :

Meanwhile, after the rebellion

Miria, looking at the bodies of the trainees everywhere : What the hell happened here?
Freak Twin 1, pointing to Raki : Found a hot guy.
Freak Twin 2, pointing to the other naked trainees : Got into an orgy.
Freak Twin 1 : I hope we can do this again soon.
Freak Twin 2 : And next time Miria and the others can join in.

[Bikerider]

EWW !!!! I've been rule 34'ed !!

[Blue Pentacle]

Hi there,


As some may recognise, it has been a long while since my previous post and the completion of my previous work, the LucielaXRaki serial "Strange Consorts". I am grateful and glad it was so well received, and well discussed too .


Getting back to Claymore fandom, I would like to pose a question regarding longer, multi-part works, to the community here.


I was wondering how others feel about longer works with multiple side adventures or problems for the protagonists, as opposed to a long work with a direct problem that has to be solved immediately? .


I ask as it impacts somewhat upon my newer ideas for a future return of Luciela and Raki, in possible further adventures, and I would like to consider the community's views .


Thanks again,


Blue Pentacle.

[Weird D]

Good to see you back Blue!

'antagonists'? Don't you mean 'protagonists'?

I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean . Usually you seem to focus on the relationship between two characters only - would you try to move on to a larger picture, involving multiple POV, kind of like the original manga?

If so, I'd love to see this.

Truth be told, I've been toying with an idea for a serious, multi-chapter fic, as opposed to my usual humor one-shot format (Yes Shieky, that one ), and I'd like to ask for some advise as well on how to write this kind of fic. It's still a very long shot mind you, but having an idea of the kind of pre-work needed would help.

[MisterJB]

Blue: Multiple POVs can be great if done properly. However, I found that some authors (myself included) simply can't handle this kind of multi-tasking and the story can go all over the place and you migth actually find yourself finishing 10 chapters with barely any development, of both the characters and the plot, at all.
This is even more likely to happen if different groups of characters are dealing with different problems that don't intersect at all.
Still, you have already proven yourself to be talented so, I say go for it. Just be prepared to perhaps receive more negative criticism than usual from readers with a short attention span and memory.
The kind of people who would need a "Previously on Claymore..." at the beginning of each chapter.

[Tempest35]

In a story, it depends on how many times you switch between POVs and how many POVs you end up with at the end. Consider the 'Wheel of Time' saga...and how many POVs it has. Granted, I don't expect a Claymore fanfiction to reach the scope of WoT [], but it's something to consider how to approach this problem. Animation has it easy, it just cuts between scenes. In writing, many times, it's interrupting the flow of the previous passage so deciding where to switch is also important.

Just some two-cents from an old old timer...

[shelter]

This is a post requesting some opinions from the writers here.

I'm currently writing a short fanfic on why Raki & Priscilla decided to leave Isley & wander the country on their own. The most obvious (and implied) reason in canon is Raki was still searching for Clare.

I'm more interested, rather, in Raki's view of Isley during the 7-year timeskip. So I've come up with 2 questions which I hope you guys could give your thoughts about:

• Isley does show some fondness for Raki & Priscilla (esp. on his deathbed at least). So why would he let both of them leave his 'guardianship'?
• Conversely, do you think there would be anything that could have provoked disagreement among either the 3 of them, big enough to force separation?

All your thoughts are appreciated. They would help me in writing. Thanks in advance

[Shiek927]

The thing about those points, is that I've posted so much on these three, it's hard to find one concensus post where I sort of sum them all up. This is probably as close as it gets and illustrates my viewpoint, whilst including both your topics. (http://forums.animesuki.com/showthre...al#post3114661).

FYI, I would like to point out that another reason overtime to find Claire, then simply having a tearful reunion, is that Raki may have hoped Claire would help Priscilla turn back from her Awakening (I doubt he is aware of her malevolent AB persona - it didn't come out, at least on the surface, until she reached her limit and awakened in that town where he got infected) like he saw her do: naturally, he is completely unaware of the relationship they already share.

Their is simply ALOT to think about and many interpretations you can take with them, especially with Priscilla who, even know, I haven't solved all the mysteries - personally, that's what makes her so fun like so much of the series. I'm curious to which direction you go

[Ouvea]

Hi Shelter:

I gathered from reading the chapter where Isley died (Impossible Dream - Chapter 89), he was quite fond of Priscilla and Raki. Although Yagi doesn't explicitly state the reason, we can assume that he feared for their safety, in light of the Abyssal Feeders attacks.

Isley's last words are powerful and emotionally charging. "I don't want to die. Even if that makeshift family was all nothing more than an illusion doomed to someday fall apart, I sow wish. I so wish it could have lasted the tiniest bit longer." At least from this excerpt, it appears that Isley reluctantly parted with both Raki and Priscilla.

Even though he started the mayhem in the North and admitted to acting out of selfishness, I couldn't help but feel sorry for him in the end. Also in the later chapter, we see Raki wearing a male version of a Warrior's armor. Could this have been the armor that Isley personally wore, while he fought on the Organization's behalf?

Ouvea

[Falcor]

Originally Posted by shelter

• Isley does show some fondness for Raki & Priscilla (esp. on his deathbed at least). So why would he let both of them leave his 'guardianship'?

More than likely, this is yet another indication of just how fond he was of those two. Rather than take the chance that they would get wrapped up in the Organization's manhunt for him, he sent them off on their own - probably similar to how Clare parted company with Raki.

• Conversely, do you think there would be anything that could have provoked disagreement among either the 3 of them, big enough to force separation?

I highly doubt anything like that happened. After all, Isley actually trained Raki in swordsmanship. If he was only interested in using Raki as a mere pawn to help keep Priscilla under control, he wouldn't have bothered with this, or at the least, would have skimped on the training. He truly took Raki under his wing, when there was no need to do so, other than keeping Priscilla happy. I definitely got the impression that Isley parted company with them, not the other way around, to keep them safe.

[shelter]

Thanks everyone for your opinions. In trying to respond to your thoughts I've realized I may have misplaced my own

Originally Posted by Falcor

He truly took Raki under his wing, when there was no need to do so, other than keeping Priscilla happy. I definitely got the impression that Isley parted company with them, not the other way around, to keep them safe.

Falcor, I actually think that this is possible. But I'm trying to get at a story which balances BOTH Isley AND Raki's motives. I accept that Isley can be benevolent, despite his mass-murdering intentions at Pieta. Still, I really wonder how Raki may have reacted to the parting. Given that he may have known that Isley gave the order to kill warriors (Clare included) at Pieta.

Originally Posted by Ouvea

Isley's last words are powerful and emotionally charging. "I don't want to die. Even if that makeshift family was all nothing more than an illusion doomed to someday fall apart, I sow wish. I so wish it could have lasted the tiniest bit longer." At least from this excerpt, it appears that Isley reluctantly parted with both Raki and Priscilla.

Ouvea, the concept of family is something I thought about too. Although I admit it's very hard to conceive what role Priscilla had to play in the Isley-Raki dynamic. She always gets overlooked. I'm glad your opinions made me realize whether Isley was fond of BOTH Raki AND Priscilla, rather than just Raki alone.

Originally Posted by Shiek927

Their is simply ALOT to think about and many interpretations you can take with them, especially with Priscilla who, even know, I haven't solved all the mysteries - personally, that's what makes her so fun like so much of the series. I'm curious to which direction you go

As expected, Shiek, your theory is very well-thought out and analytically focused. You mentioned 2 things I didn't consider: the possibility of Isley knowing about the Abyssal Eaters (and how that could've led to the parting) and Raki's own conscience. I find that, as you've hinted, to really understand this weird 'family' I have to look at them through the context of Pieta and the fall of the Organization.

I'm hoping to post the story (or a part of it)here by this weekend. So far, I find that I'm writing a Raki-story, partly because I've already done one each for both Isley & Rigardo. Atmosphere-wise, expect something dark. I want to give people the sense that both Raki & Isley might be using each other to achieve their own goals, with Priscilla being the unlikely victim.

Again, thanks!

[Shiek927]

Originally Posted by Shelter

Ouvea, the concept of family is something I thought about too. Although I admit it's very hard to conceive what role Priscilla had to play in the Isley-Raki dynamic. She always gets overlooked. I'm glad your opinions made me realize whether Isley was fond of BOTH Raki AND Priscilla, rather than just Raki alone.

Well, we know Isley was fond of Priscilla - sheesh, some people even pair them together to my complete disgust (he's already taking advantage of her in so many ways, physical is crossing the line) Was he just using her for his own purposes? Yes, he point-blank admits that he was just using her to conquer everything, but the change didn't come immediately, it came overtime...how Isley looked at her, whether it be like his own daughter for instance (the same way he could have begun to see Raki as a son or brother), we don't know....but he came to care for the tight-knit group that became his family overtime and she is included - perhaps he even felt guilt about his manipulation of her and actually began to try to find her family.

Their are, ahem, confusions(http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...&postcount=401) to keep in mind, but I like what you said - Raki and Isley were both selfish in someways as they were using eachother to get what they want: Raki wanted to be a better fighter, and Isley wanted greater control over Priscilla, who is caught in the middle. All of them have a conscious Shelter, especially Raki - in the end though, they are 3 very different people with their own wants and wishes, and when one or more are too different in their goals (like Raki wanting to reunite with Claire, or Isley wanting to rule the world), eventually they will break apart.

I don't believe though that Isley knew about the AE's beforehand and that's why he sent them away - I find their is too much implication of guilt and the likelihood of their breaking apart in a bad way for me to believe that. More likely that, after, they broke away, did he first encounter them.

Like I said though, their are so many ways you could do it, it's unbelievalbe; I'm glad these three are finally getting the focus again: Sideris alledgely remaking "Lick", Tempest, one of these days, updating "Homecoming" (when I don't know - you seem to know him more then we do ). Looking forward to it Shelter!

[shelter]

Keeping to my timeline for fic production, this is Part 1 of the Raki-Isley-Priscilla fic I'm talking about.

Title: Nothing but White (Part 1)
Rating: T
Word Count: 2,945

Summary: Short Story. Raki's fixation with a warrior he can't fully remember drives him to make a fatal choice: Isley or Priscilla?

Spoiler for Nothing but White (Part 1):

Nothing but White
Part 1


"I look inside myself and see my heart is black"
- Paint it Black, Rolling Stones

1.
He reaches town in the evening, goes into the tavern like they agreed. There, he finds Isley seated at a table with his sword on the table and a harlot named Ailsa on his arm.

Outside, he sees the sun taking cover behind the bulky shoulders of mountains. As the town prepares for night, residents barricade their gates. Young boys usher their animals inside. Several stragglers retire to the tavern. He had slipped past everyone, the night watchmen taking their positions behind him.

Briefly stunned by sour pressing stench of so many people in such an enclosed space, he takes a seat opposite his good friend. The harlot joins him. She isn’t from this town, but says the men here are bigger, give better and can last longer.

“Really?” he asks.

“Look at you.” She laughs. A hand plunges below as if to pluck something from his crouch. But he’s faster. So she settles for tracing circles around his abdomen. Her other hand fetches a flagon from the table. She nods to Isley. “And your friend here has the strength of a hundred horses!”

“Closer to the truth than you think,” Isley says.

But he hasn’t been gone for three days to return to cheap talk. Gently brushing Ailsa aside, he produces from his cloak a pouch and several shredded pieces of paper.

Isley reads the intent in his face, and says: “Ailsa dear, why don’t you get our good friend Raki something to eat.”

Dismissed, she stalks away, pressing a finger to his chest. Raki thinks she has a small face and too-sharp nails. Now, with Isley all to himself, he talks.

“Is Priscilla well?”

“What do you think?” Isley reclines, like a giant feline, his eyes glowing through parted bangs. “She’s in the room, away from all this filth.”

He smoothens out the pouch. He fingers them, extracting a handful of Yoki-suppressant pills, as if they were gold coins.

“That’s quite a haul.”

“As you’ve taught me, go for the handlers. But I prefer theft to murder.”

Isley grins. “I didn’t teach you to be a common thief. Remember that.”

“And these orders,” Raki points to the papers. “There’s something there I don’t understand –”

When Isley reads them, his eyes flicker with concern. He almost speaks. But Ailsa returns. Her idea of something to eat is a boiled leg of some unfortunate mammal and yet another flagon of mead. She holds them as she straddles Raki’s left leg. She curls her hands behind his head. He finds Isley’s brooding face replaced by her bosom.

As he peers behind her, he sees Isley makes his leave. He takes the pouch and the papers. Raki thinks he is going to give Priscilla a dose of yoki-suppressant tonight. Just in case, he mouths to him – and he disappears into the black belly of the tavern.

“Now, where were we?” Ailsa goes.

Warmth blooms into his thighs. She touches his nose with hers, planting her arms astride his shoulders. But facing this girl with hay-coloured hair, Raki is forced to think of someone else. He remembers staring face to face with her too, the forest around them, a grove of trees like a protective shield. He tries to remember.

Instead, he looks beyond her, to the window, to the darkness he has just escaped from, to the orange sunset leaking from behind the trees. He tries to summon the memory of that someone else to reassure himself he still remembers her. But just then, the night drowns out all the last remains of day.


2.
Isley and Priscilla stay in an adjacent room, so all through the night Raki has Ailsa to himself. But he sends her away when, after several rounds, she insists on showing him the many other ways men from town pleasure her.

He locks the door after her and stretches out on the bed. It feels much more comfortable with just him on it. He still can taste her tongue on his lips, a barley-flavoured tang of old mead, and sheets are encrusted with hours of their accumulated sweat. But he lets his mind revert back to the grove of trees on that crumbling hillside. He can recall the clicking of rocks under his feet, a carpet of granite fragments leading away from where somebody, someone familiar had turned away from him. He remembers everything about that moment – even how thinking of it now in the empty hole of his room makes his heart ascend – everything. But the face of the person there.

He sleeps in, until Isley politely knocks on the door. He tells him that Ailsa’s gone and it’s morning and they have to go.

“You saw her leave?”

“Eh you sent her away.”

“So you saw her leave?” Raki says.

In the single sword of sunlight slicing in through the brown-edged curtains he sees Isley’s eyes narrow. But when he blinks and gets up, the frown is gone.

“I need a bath first,” he says, throwing out his soiled shirt “Why don’t you go and prepare breakfast first?”

Isley shrugs. “You and your baths.”

He soaks in the soapy water just because he wants to feel clean, to flush away all the last two days’ of travelling from his body. He picks the shards of gravel clean from between his toes, the coal black grit from under his fingernails. As he eases into the white soapwort lather, he feels the fatigue ease from his shoulders. Then he thinks of the next journey, across wild country, to wherever Isley will lead them.

And where are they going next, anyway?

Drying his hair, a young girl waits patiently on his bed. The sunlight makes her shoulder-length hair the colour of roasted chestnuts.

“Did you drown? Did you meet some monster underneath the water?” she asks.

Raki takes her into his arms, and kisses her forehead. Her mouth edges into a smile. He feels her shoulder blades, as sharp as daggers, against his chest, and the way she always presses her palms around his right hand when he returns. He listens to her breathing. When he breaks the embrace, he sizes her up. As usual, she always looks thinner.

“Please don’t ask me if I’ve taken the pills,” she says, and strolls out the door. He can hear her voice trailing from the depths of the tavern rooms: “We’re waiting to feed you.”

Feeling cleansed, he follows Priscilla down to the deserted hall. Isley sits alone at a table, away from the bars of sunlight punching through windows at every angle. He sees exhausted or sleeping patrons slump over tables, like corpses, with mead bleeding from their overturned flagons. Outside the half-open door, Raki doesn’t hear the town stirring to life.

Raki sits, and Isley gestures to a steaming bowl of brown porridge and chamomile tea. “Eat something. We have a long way to go.”

“Where are we going?”

“North.”

“It’s a bit early to take cover in the mountains.”

“We’re not going there.”

“How far north?”

Isley crosses and uncrosses his legs, strokes the braids on Priscilla’s hair. “We’re heading towards Pieta.”

Raki stops. He looks to Isley, noticing the smirk, noticing his eyes examining him. He knows that was deliberate, to see how he would react. He even sees Priscilla turned towards him, looking at him directly.

“You remember Pieta?”

“It’s been years but I can remember.”

“You’ll get a chance to pay your respects.”

Raki feels his legs grow tense, the muscles just above his thighs twitching, as if he can still feel the girl from last night sitting on them. He thinks of the shattered buildings, kneeling in half-melted snow. He thinks of the three of them walking amongst the ruins. But most of all, he thinks of the warriors’ swords, perched in the ground, like a flock of desolate birds on a lonely landscape. He tries to recall the symbols on the swords.

“I told you before, she isn’t there.”

“Of course not,” Isley says.

“Isley.” Priscilla begins. “Don’t.”

“Let him dream on,” he waves a hand, pulls his cloak tight. “Dreams are good.”

He ignores Isley. Instead, he plays with the thought of returning to Pieta, to
the graveyard where he stubbornly believes she isn’t buried. He never liked the place. But he knows the story of Pieta like everyone else, how the retelling of its last days have acquired the status of hushed whispering and quiet respect, the kind of stories people tell in taverns. After all, Raki reasons, Isley probably had something to do with it.

As he sips his tea, he finds that the chamomile has a heavy, rusty taste invading its sweetness. He moves his hands to his mouth, then sees the crescent of blood on the lip of cup. Instinctively he returns to his mouth, only to realise he isn’t bleeding.

He looks to Priscilla, who herself takes a sip of the tea, then to Isley. Behind his mentor, he sees the hollow insides of the tavern, in its reddish shadow, protected from the glare of morning light.

“Isley, where is everyone?” Raki asks.

When he receives no reply, he makes a move to get up and check on the men he had previously thought knocked out from the night of heavy drinking. But something in Isley’s face, again the narrowing of his eyes, discourages him.

Raki tries again. “Isley, what did you do last night?”

Isley shrugs.


3.
Raki helps Priscilla with her cloak. It’s getting too big for her. He folds the top around her shoulders, drapes the hood till all he can see is arching bridge of her nose.

“Did Isley try to feed you?” Raki asks, keeping his voice low.

She shakes her head, wriggling her hand up to her forehead to adjust the hood.
He lets his hand linger on her a moment longer than usual. But she smiles and touches his hand, her fingers so small they feel like an infant’s curling around his thumb. He wants to imagine that this is who Priscilla is: her memory nothing but their travels, her vulnerability something he can take the effort to protect, her quiet thoughtfulness the essence of her character.

But he knows better.

He keeps the yoki-suppressant pills in the pouch fastened to his belt, opposite to his dagger, the only weapon he carries while on long journeys. Isley carries the sword. After all, with Isley around, he knows there isn’t much need for armament.

He fastens his own cloak, pulling tight the stray ends around his arms and adjusting the keffiyeh around his neck. In his room, he leaves behind his old clothes. A habit, he believes, which helps him move forward. He empties the water in his bath, checks the room to see has not left anything behind.

He exits the tavern latest. Before departing, he goes to where he and Isley sat the night before and empties enough silver to pay for their stay. He arranges them into a neat pile. To pay for something – at least it’s honest, he thinks. At least it reminds him he is still, after all, human.


4.
They walk through the deserted town. A town like this, Raki thinks, should be chaos in the morning: women screaming at other women, boys fetching animals, people getting about their work. But everything’s just like the night before. Windows screech on their hinges. Wind sings through unlocked doors. The gate leading out of the village, where surely there should’ve been night watchmen, dangles ajar like a loose tooth. Rectangles of fresh earth dot the ground leading out of the town.

Raki knows that people have a habit of disappearing in Isley’s presence.

Still, he follows, as they head north along a well-taken road. On both sides of the road, fields show early signs of the summer, their honey-coloured barley crop flickering in the sun as far as the eye can see. Petals on flowers flash at him like pink tongues. Above, a cloudless sky allows him to see into the green mist of hills and more hills.

He expects the trip to take at least five days. He tries to second-guess what Isley will do in the meantime. He knows Isley’s unusual travelling habits: his preference to stopover in towns rather than by the roadside during evening, his non-avoidance of warrior patrols, and his almost-magnetic fondness for the north.

“Isley, why are we going north this time?” he asks, speaking to Isley’s back.

He looks vertically upwards, as Raki has seen him do many times, as if he’d just asked a question too simple to explain. So Raki clarifies it.

“I mean, why are you bringing us pass Pieta?”

“You’re not excited?”

“That’s beside the point.”

“To put it simply,” Isley says. “I’m meeting some old friends in the north.”

“Why now?”

Then Priscilla adds in: “Are they your Awakened friends?”

At this, Isley doesn’t stop or flinch. He continues walking, staring straight ahead at the twisting road through the hills and plains. He doesn’t answer the question either. Raki tries to catch Priscilla’s eye, because she’s right.

The questions build up in Raki’s head as they settle into a self-imposed silence. To ease himself from doubting his mentor and friend too much, his hands stray to the dagger at his right. He grasps its sheath, thinks about the questions and jogs forward to match pace with Isley.

“You’re not going to tell us anything, aren’t you?” he asks.

If Isley has become weary with his questioning, Raki thinks he’s hiding it well. Because he sees him pull his face into that trademark grin and say, with a patient finality: “You’ll see.”

But Raki counters: “You really saw her leave the tavern this morning?”

He finds himself satisfied that it is Isley who is now confused. “Who?”

“Ailsa.”

“Who’s - ?” Then Isley grins again. “Ah. You mean, the harlot.”

“Priscilla doesn’t need to hear that language.”

“Did I see her leave, you say?”

Isley takes to staring straight ahead again. Raki dislikes this. It reminds him of their early days training together, when he would be sparring with Isley and nothing he did could make him blink an eyelid. He dislikes this because he knows it’s Isley’s way of saying, what you’re doing doesn’t matter to me.

“Which direction did she go?” Raki asks. “Well? You didn’t do anything to her, right?”

“Nothing you already don’t know,” he says, and Isley runs his tongue over his lips.


5.
As Raki expects, Isley plans, travels and knows the terrain in a way that he can only admire. They reach towns before sunset every day, without fail. They sleep with a roof over their head every night. Even though he consumes hardly anything, Raki knows he will be up with him for breakfast before their next day’s trip. When they run into the Organization’s warriors at some of their stopovers, Raki doesn’t need to say anything, because Isley himself calmly ignores their presence.

Being in towns means Isley does not practice, and Raki takes the hint, so he does not do any sparring either. Instead, for the first time in a while, Raki spends the short period before turning in talking to people at the taverns and inns, being around humans who worry about human things like their harvests and their wives. It closes memories he’d rather forget from previous months, when the only fellow humans he talked with were harlots Isley hired.

But, returning to his bed at a quiet inn one night, Priscilla says: “It must be nice to remember things.”

It’s been six days on the road, and outside Raki sees nothing but mountains, the defences of the northern lands. They look to him like the outline of a giant’s shoulders in the dark. Priscilla sits by the open window, her hood finally pulled back, the wind tugging at stray strands of hair.

“Not all the time.”

“But you remember the things that count,” she tries. “Like your Clare.”

She’s very lucid today, he thinks. He catches sight of the crushed yoki-suppressants, their powdery black residue which she takes with water at Isley’s insistence. Then he pauses: it’s only the second time she’s mentioned Clare.

“You remember.”

“Would you like me to tell you what you said?” she says. “Would you like me to help you remember?”

He isn’t sure about this. He sees Priscilla’s glazed-over eyes, her dredging deep into her own memory to resurrect something he said years ago isn’t the kind of conversation he likes before he goes to bed. But before he can say no, Priscilla is already talking.

He sits, plants his head against the wall. Years on and roles are reversed, he thinks, because it’s as if Priscilla’s telling him the story, and he’s listening, trying to recall something.

As Priscilla speaks, the details begin to emerge from the dark. A figure seated across the licking flames of a fire, glowing as if haloed. Fragments of Hogweed flowers clinging to a pair of speckled, and a hand reaching down to brush them away. A hand, knuckles showing, white, like a claw, pushing the side of his face towards a face –

Years and days with too many other women have bleached that face from his memory. Instead, he finds it replaced with an airy whiteness, like a blizzard. And while Priscilla continues talking, he can’t go any further. When he looks past her, the missing images get edged with black: mountains, hills, the deep valleys surrounding Pieta, where everything – Clare, his old stories, perhaps hope – ends.

When there’s nothing for him to do but close his eyes to sleep, to douse that empty white with darkness

END part one

Notes: This got a bit long. It's longer than the Claymore fics I usually write because there's so much to cover, and because I want to move away from my old style of intense detail, and use more dialogue. But it will continue on until Part 2. The whole thing will be kept under 7,500 words for brevity. I'm also not happy with the title, but it will be changed soon.

Comments & critique definitely welcome!

[Shiek927]

I liked it - honestly Shelter, it was the easiest-to-understand story that you've ever done. In a way, I miss that required need to think deeply that you always do, so full of implication, but since this is the first story I remember you're doing that is in multiple parts, I can understand the want to make things simpler.

And it's not like you give us less to think about it - you were right on the ball with what you wanted to get across. All the while, I got a feeling of manipulation going all around - despite being together for so long, their is still only so much they all know about eachother. Isley was most up front about this, but even Raki, I felt a bit of manipulation from him as well: they are all travelling together, but the tension is very high - they are all grown up, very indepedent people who, although live together, go about their business and want their privacy. Eventually though, their will be conflict.

In general, I was just happy to see a fic like this made: my god how long has it been since someone made a fic of these three together. Raki struggles with his feelings about Claire and, more importantly, whether he can or even wants to remember her anymore - in the grand scheme of things, it's not like Raki spent much time with Claire at all, so it figures that he would struggle to remember her more and more.

The one single thing though that sticks out like a sore thumb is the yoki-suppresent pills - why does Priscilla of all people need one? Her suppression skills are the best in the world, and it takes a powerful Eye physical contact to sense anything from her at all. Even if she's been fighting, she only leaks what is necessary to get the job done and nobody can guess just how far she really is. Isley perhaps, but even an Abyssal can hide their yoki with alarming skill, and as far as I could tell, he didn't take any pills and the Claymores didn't catch him.

If nothing else, you expressed how stifling it probably was between them before the idea of "family" settled in; they are all still, a bit, uncomfortable around each other. One thing I am curious about is whether or not this happens before, or after, Luciella's death, which is a turning point -- I honestly can't tell if it's before or after. I THINK it's before, as they are not in the South (unless they were in the South already, and then went back up North, which doesn't feel likely), and still have been in Alphonse all this time. I'm also curious if, by asking Priscilla if Isley has fed her, is a general question, or a hidden clue that she has already begun to starve herself, perhaps, at least now, to Isley's unknowing - like this is something only Raki and her know.

See, you still gave us alot to think about One random thing I'm also curious about is your songs - you always include a bit from a song in, as many writers do. Is this merely because the song lyric expresses the feeling of the story, or the song as a whole? would I get a better connection if I listened to the song?

I am curious what those Organization letters were about - something no doubt to make Isley wanna return North, no doubt. I'm looking forward to more

[shelter]

Wow, so many good comments & things to address.

I think I start writing because I return home sometimes and think: it would be good to write some good Claymore fanfiction. I get a bit tired of overly deep fiction too, so I try to simplify things. Reading Weird D & Revan's work has allowed me take myself & writing less seriously.

Originally Posted by Shiek927

The one single thing though that sticks out like a sore thumb is the yoki-suppresent pills - why does Priscilla of all people need one? Her suppression skills are the best in the world, and it takes a powerful Eye physical contact to sense anything from her at all.

Hm... thanks for mentioning this. I felt that even if Priscilla was good enough to hide her own yoki, both Isley & Raki would have reservations if she were lucid enough to control it. Nonetheless, the pills have a role later in the story. In general, the pills are a kind of cheat code in the canon, and perhaps this story is bringing their potential uses to the fore.

Originally Posted by Shiek927

One thing I am curious about is whether or not this happens before, or after, Luciella's death, which is a turning point -- I honestly can't tell if it's before or after.

It's fashioned to be after Luciela's death. There are some hints: Raki's skill to survive on his own away from Isley & Priscilla, his age & Priscilla's consciousness. If I need to make it clearer, let me know.

Originally Posted by Shiek927

I'm also curious if, by asking Priscilla if Isley has fed her, is a general question, or a hidden clue that she has already begun to starve herself, perhaps, at least now, to Isley's unknowing - like this is something only Raki and her know.

I don't want to comment too much on this & give away too much. But it basically comes down to how much consciousness you think Priscilla has. I think a lot of people on this forum take her to be a blank sheet. But I feel that she can function like any normal person, with feelings, a conscience, a sense of right & wrong. Except that she can't remember anything before Isley & Raki, and is to some extent, prone to manipulation.

Originally Posted by Shiek927

Is this merely because the song lyric expresses the feeling of the story, or the song as a whole? would I get a better connection if I listened to the song?

If I'm going to stick to the colour theme of this story, then the song fits it well. I try to make the quotes either a direct reference to the theme or the title. But don't think too deep about it. It's just a habit of mine

Thanks for your feedback. I'll have to adjust some things..

[Shiek927]

I think I start writing because I return home sometimes and think: it would be good to write some good Claymore fanfiction. I get a bit tired of overly deep fiction too, so I try to simplify things. Reading Weird D & Revan's work has allowed me take myself & writing less seriously.

Heh; well, as I mentioned, I like the thinking I feel required to do in your stories. Like in PTSD, where all the implication serves to express Tabitha's introvertness -- depends on the mood I guess whether I want to read something deep or not. Dany thus far has written plenty of comedies, but we both plan eventually to try to create a deep epic as well.

Hm... thanks for mentioning this. I felt that even if Priscilla was good enough to hide her own yoki, both Isley & Raki would have reservations if she were lucid enough to control it. Nonetheless, the pills have a role later in the story. In general, the pills are a kind of cheat code in the canon, and perhaps this story is bringing their potential uses to the fore.

Well, if the pills have an actually role, then ignore me - I felt the need though to point out that she doesn't need them, even as an extra precaution -- Isley is another story though. Yes, the pills can have very creative purposes if they are used smartly, as with the Ghosts survival at Pieta.

It's fashioned to be after Luciela's death. There are some hints: Raki's skill to survive on his own away from Isley & Priscilla, his age & Priscilla's consciousness. If I need to make it clearer, let me know.

Honestly, no - with Raki's age, their wasn't enough for me to gauge whether he was young or old: him getting it on with that harlot didn't affect that (the world they live in, I doubt his age matters at all with that sort of thing) I think what made it confusing was that I couldn't understand where they were at the time...they are heading North, but North from where? Are they already the Southern region? or are they still in Alphonse merely heading back north toward Pieta? What made it confusing is that, if they are indeed in the Southern lands, why they would return North especially if, after Luciella's death and Isley's conquering of the South, they were presumed to have been in the South the remainder of the time in the years that followed...

Now you can take what liberties you want, but clarifying a bit more on the where/when sounds like a good idea.

I don't want to comment too much on this & give away too much. But it basically comes down to how much consciousness you think Priscilla has. I think a lot of people on this forum take her to be a blank sheet. But I feel that she can function like any normal person, with feelings, a conscience, a sense of right & wrong. Except that she can't remember anything before Isley & Raki, and is to some extent, prone to manipulation.

I should probably point out that I'm sort of thinking out loud XD - it's not like I actually expect you to respond to all my words; I don't want to spoil anything for myself .

As for your words on her consciousness however...you and I need seem to be looking in the same direction. A bit more detailed is here if you're curious (http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...&postcount=840), but basically you're right - she's not reduced to a baby or anything, she just can't remember huge aspects of her life. Going as far as to removing her morals, knowledge, sense of self etc etc....goes way too far.

If I'm going to stick to the colour theme of this story, then the song fits it well. I try to make the quotes either a direct reference to the theme or the title. But don't think too deep about it. It's just a habit of mine

Heh, just curious thanks

[revan5]

"One fanfic series to rule them all"
-I jest, but hey, check out both the stories and the artwork. I guarantee there's not another fanfic series quite like it. If you're wondering about the artwork, well, I've got an artist friend who loves the series and I commissioned a couple of cover pages.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6372390/1/Claymore_New_Era

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6610358/...r_eyed_Empress
(incomplete but now up to 11 chapters! )


Artwork:

Spoiler for Claymore: New Era:

Spoiler for The Silver-eyed Empress:

Spoiler for Vexing Valencia:

Spoiler for Miria's daughter with hairstyle:

Spoiler for Natalie, Miria's daughter:

Spoiler for The Lovely Ladies:

Spoiler for Part ninja, part claymore:

Spoiler for Sexy Miata:

[Weird D]

Damn the artwork looks good!

Only one problem though, the individual info on the 'lovely ladies' (more like 'hotter than hell ladies IMO ) is too small so we can't read it (except Miria's, and just barely). Could you scale it up a little?

[revan5]

http://bmesias063.deviantart.com/art...iles-209816509

I'll have to ask him to simplify and up-size the descriptions for your benefit. Not to worry, I'm sure he can fix the issue!

Spoiler for Bigger version: