The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Kyon-chan: "This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be swept off my feet!"

Oh this is gonna be good. I look forward to the establishment of the Dai-SOS-dan.

[Tyabann]

Holy shite, 30 pages.

This is, just wow. We're bigger than most of the other topics on this subforum... This is scaaary.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Holy shite, 30 pages.

This is, just wow. We're bigger than most of the other topics on this subforum... This is scaaary.

Who the hell do you think we are?

But we've still got a ways to go. The fun's just beginning.

[FatPianoBoy]

I can't shake the feeling that Haruki needs to lose that hairband in a bad way.

[Keroko]

First rough draft for the Computer Club, male version:

Spoiler for Chapter 2: Blackmail first draft:

“I want a computer.”

Ever since the SOS Brigade was founded, the Literature Club room started to have more and more stuff besides the rectangular table, steel chairs and book shelf.

In the corner now stood a portable hanger cabinet, a flask and cups, a teapot, a CD/MD playing radio, a freezer, sound recorder, cooking pan, bowl, and all sorts of cooking utensils. Now, I don’t mind the change of scenery, but does she plan for us to live here?

At this moment, Haruki is leaning on a desk he nicked from who-knows-where. For some reason, a black triangular pyramid with the words "Brigade Commander" stood on the desk.

"In this information age, we don't even have a computer. This won't do!"

Whoever said that?

Anyway, all the members were here today. Nagato Yuuki was in his usual spot, reading a hardback book about a minor satellite of Saturn falling down, or something like that. Asahina-senpai, who didn't have to come, had still obediently arrived and was seated on a steel chair, looking confused.

Haruki pushed himself off the desk and ran towards me with a sinister smile, throwing an arm around my shoulder. I glared, but he ignored it. As usual.

"Which is why I'm going to obtain one now," Haruki said, like a hunter looking for its prey.

"Obtain one, you mean a computer? From where? You don't plan on robbing an electronics store, do you?"

"Of course not! It's going to be somewhere closer!"

"Follow me!" Asahina-senpai and I complied with Haruki's orders and followed him down the corridor, eventually arriving at the Computer Study Group two rooms away.

I see!

"Here, take this."

Haruki handed Asahina-senpai an instant camera.

"Now listen carefully! I'll tell you the plan, and you must follow it no matter what! You only have one chance." He told the feminine boy.

As she leaned forward and whispered the plan, I could have sworn the boy turned at least 3 different shades of red.

Just what was he telling him?

Asahina-senpai was nervously shifting his glances between me and Haruki. “U-uhm, Suzumiya-san, I don’t really think we should-”

“It’s all right, it will work. Trust me.”

I don’t think that is what Asahina-senpai meant, though. Something is telling me I really don’t want to be here.

Just as I thought about running away, Haruki had knocked on the door.

"Hello there! I've come to collect a computer from you!"

The spacing is similar, but compared to our room, this room was narrower. Each of the evenly spaced desks had a desktop computer on it with the sounds of running CD players coming from them. That and the computer fans whirling away were the only sounds heard in the room.

The four boys sitting on their seats typing on their keyboards all stuck their heads out towards the door to see what Haruki was up to.

"Who's in charge here?"

Haruki smiled pompously. A male student stood up and answered.

"I'm the president, can I help you?"

"Do I have to repeat myself? I just said: give me a computer."

The nameless Computer Study Group president displayed a "What the hell?" expression and violently shook his head.

"That won't do. Because the school doesn't fund us enough, these computers are all bought with our hard-earned money! We can't just give them to you for free. Do you think we're fools?"

"What does it matter? Just one would do, you have plenty anyways!"

"That... wait a moment, who are you guys anyway?"

"I'm Suzumiya Haruki, Commander of the SOS Brigade, and these two are Subordinate One and Subordinate Two."

Wait, who decided we're your subordinates!?

"I command you in the name of the SOS Brigade: hand over a computer at once! Don't give me any excuses!"

"I don't know who you guys are, but absolutely not! You can go buy your own computers!"

"Since you've said that, we have our ways."

Haruki's eyes glared fearlessly. Oh no, that is a bad omen!

Haruki grabbed me by the shoulder, holding me in place. His other hand reached out the grab the president’s hand… and promptly placed it on my breast.

Time seemed to freeze as what had just happened sunk its way into my mind. The click of a camera shutter brought my mind back to reality as I turned and saw a mortified Asahina-senpai holding the camera.

“Wha-wha” I tried to form the words, but none would come. Obviously the fact that a guy was fondling my chest took a while to process.

“Hmm, not enough?”

Haruki still stood where he had, holding his chin in thought. “Maybe a little more pressure.”

More pressure? What is he- “Dwa?”

I couldn’t even finish my train of thought as Haruki swept my feet from under me, causing me to fall backwards on the floor. With the same foot he quickly kicked the president, causing him to land on top of me.

“Mitsuru! More pictures! This pose is excellent!”

Excellent pose? There is a guy lying on top of me looking like he is about to do who-knows-what!

Fortunately, it was at this time that both the president recovered our voices, and we took this moment to shout: “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!”

Completely ignoring me, Haruki waved his finger in front of the club president.

"Tsk tsk tsk! We now have photographic evidence of you sexually harassing our members! If you don't want the school to know about these photos, then hand over the computer!"

The president scrambled away from his awkward position on top of me. "What kind of joke is this!?"

The president protested furiously. I totally understand how you feel.

"You forcefully grabbed my hand! You pushed me! I'm innocent!"

"Oh really? You can try explaining, but who's going to believe you?"

I shakily tried to get back up again, clutching a desk for support. Forget about the president’s reputation, what will happen to me if those pictures get out!?

"My members are witnesses to my innocence! That was not of my own will!"

The three members who were standing dumbstruck all nodded their heads vehemently.

"That's right!"

"The president is innocent!"

If Haruki could listen to you guys, then he wouldn't be Suzumiya Haruki.

"All right, then I'll just say you guys gang-raped her!"

At this instance, everyone's face turned white, including mine and Asahina-senpai's. Especially mine. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Did you really have to go that far?

“O- oi! Haruki!-”

Haruki ignored my weak protest. Dammit, if only my mind was working properly right now!

Haruki crossed his arms arrogantly.

"So how about it? Are you giving us one or not?"

The president's face went from red to white, finally turning dark.

In the end, he surrendered.

"Just pick one and get out!"

Having said that, the president sat down dejectedly. His members all rushed towards him.

"President!"

"Get a hold of yourself!"

"Are you all right?"

The president's head drooped like a puppet whose strings were broken. Seeing such a broken figure, I wondered if I looked that miserable.

"Which one is the latest model?"

You're such a cold-blooded guy!

"Why should we tell you!?"

The angry members continued their meager resistance, but Haruhi simply pointed at Asahina-senpai and his camera.

"D... damn it! That one!"

Haruki looked in the direction the member pointed and inspected the model and serial number of the computer. Then, he took out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"I went to the electronics store and asked for a list of the latest models. This doesn't seem to be one of them."

This guy has everything so meticulously planned that it's becoming scary.

After inspecting all the other computers, Haruki pointed to one of them.

"I want this one."

"W... wait! We just bought that last month!"

"Camera."

"... T-take it, you thieves!"

Like he said, we were truly thieves.

Haruki's greed knew no bounds. After plucking all the cables and wires, he moved all the necessary equipment back to the Literature Club room without consideration. He then had the Computer Study Group people reinstall the wires for us and had them lay two internet cables from their room to ours, so we could use the internet. He even forced them to set up an intranet for us. His despicable ways are no different from a robber!

As for me, well, I’m still hoping I won’t be traumatized for life. The way things turned out may have been for the best. If the Computer Club had resisted to the point where Haruki had spread those pictures –and I have no doubt he would have- I don’t think I could have shown my face anywhere.

I should get away from this brigade as fast as I can. The problem is, Nagato-kun and Asahina-senpai will still be there. Not to mention Haruki still has those pictures. I don’t feel comfortable leaving those in his care. I should stay and destroy those first.

That, and I’m curious what on earth Haruki wanted a computer for.

First thing to notice is of course Kyonko's lack of response. I figured something like this would cause her brain to shortcircuit (it also has the aditional effect of increasing comical effect, but I digress). After all, being groped and -from her mental point of view- nearly raped by a guy does tend to leave one quite shaky.

I also combined a bit of the anime, with Haruki tripping the two for aditional effect.

Ironically, this situation makes the "I totally understand how you feel" line from Kyon that much more literal.

[fishy_hylian]

Originally Posted by FatPianoBoy

I can't shake the feeling that Haruki needs to lose that hairband in a bad way.

How about tying it round his forehead like a sweat band?

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

That's my idea for Kyon-chan. Who I'm still gonna call Kyon in-text.

Kyon in-text, out of text whichever you prefer then? Sure, I can do that.

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Of course, the fun begins at the end of the chapter when he goes into HAPPY MODE and picks Kyon-chan up and takes her away.

Kyon-chan: "This is not what I meant when I said I wanted to be swept off my feet!"

Oh yes, I'm liking that one.

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Holy shite, 30 pages.

This is, just wow. We're bigger than most of the other topics on this subforum... This is scaaary.

You still have much to learn, my young padawan.

Just wait untill you beat the image thread. That's when the pride will truly grow.

Originally Posted by FatPianoBoy

I can't shake the feeling that Haruki needs to lose that hairband in a bad way.

I like it, though. It gives that extra bit of 'Haruhi' in Haruki.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Keroko

You still have much to learn, my young padawan.

Just wait untill you beat the image thread. That's when the pride will truly grow.

I'm holding back the manly tears for that day.

Originally Posted by Keroko

I like it, though. It gives that extra bit of 'Haruhi' in Haruki.

Agreed. And I kind of like my avatar the way it is right now.

[FatPianoBoy]

Originally Posted by Keroko

I like it, though. It gives that extra bit of 'Haruhi' in Haruki.

I realize it's a trademark, but since when does someone as gar as Haruki wear a headband like that? He doesn't have to lose it altogether, but it should transmogrify into something a bit more in-character. Fishy's suggestion of a sweatband of some type might work.

[Keroko]

*shrug* Maybe it's just different perspective, but I actually think it makes him look GAR.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by FatPianoBoy

I realize it's a trademark, but since when does someone as gar as Haruki wear a headband like that? He doesn't have to lose it altogether, but it should transmogrify into something a bit more in-character. Fishy's suggestion of a sweatband of some type might work.

Harima Kenji's fairly GAR when he breaks his streaks of stupidity, and he wears a hairband. The same could apply to our Haruki. Except that Haruki has limitless GAR potential, something that Yuuki has picked up on.

[unmoldedtruck]

If the entire series is being genderbent, shouldn't Kouyouen Academy be all male now?
________
volcano vaporizer

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by beanbrew

If the entire series is being genderbent, shouldn't Kouyouen Academy be all male now?

Refresh my memory on that one. I was fairly sure it was coed though.

[LobsterHime]

ok added kaisos's prologue (from page 11) and chapter 1 parts 1 and 2 (from the last 2 pages or so) to wiki

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Refresh my memory on that one. I was fairly sure it was coed though.

from volume 4 prologue:

"Kouyouen Academy. The all-girls high school next to the station down the hill."

from volume 4 chapter 3

"Is Kouyouen really that good? I thought they were a girl's school for the rich and famous."

Taniguchi looked at me with pitiable eyes and said,

"Kyon, I don't know what they told you in junior high, but that school's always been co-ed. Not to mention it's one of the top schools in university entrance rate in this prefecture. To have such a school in our district really pisses me off!"

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by LobsterHime

ok added kaisos's prologue (from page 11) and chapter 1 parts 1 and 2 (from the last 2 pages or so) to wiki

Please write up some kind of disclaimer like the Baka-Tsuki folks have. Actually anybody can type that up here and you can post it up.

Originally Posted by LobsterHime

from volume 4 prologue:
"Kouyouen Academy. The all-girls high school next to the station down the hill."

I figured it out now. In the normal universe it's a single-sex school. But in the recreated universe it's coed. So I guess it's an all-boys' school in the genderbent universe.

Edit: ^ Yeah.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by LobsterHime

ok added kaisos's prologue (from page 11) and chapter 1 parts 1 and 2 (from the last 2 pages or so) to wiki




from volume 4 prologue:
"Kouyouen Academy. The all-girls high school next to the station down the hill."

Do we REALLY have to gender-bend that one? That was a good line...

But yeah, I'll change it to "another high school".

[LobsterHime]

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Please write up some kind of disclaimer like the Baka-Tsuki folks have. Actually anybody can type that up here and you can post it up.



I figured it out now. In the normal universe it's a single-sex school. But in the recreated universe it's coed. So I guess it's an all-boys' school in the genderbent universe.

Edit: ^ Yeah.

as you can see i haven't read the novels D:

if someone could collect and repost updated character summaries or PM them to me that'd be great, i have an exam in about an hour that i really should be studying for.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

Do we REALLY have to gender-bend that one? That was a good line...

But yeah, I'll change it to "another high school".

We could make it some kind of preppy school where Haruki would be so restricted and unable to express his hot-bloodedness, which in turn would be cause for his melancholy there. But wait never mind. Still the coed thing. At any rate, Haruki would shun such an environment.

@LobsterHime: Fight-o!

[unmoldedtruck]

I proofread Kaisos' chapter one and made a few changes:

Spoiler for Chapter 1:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I?d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn?t going to work. Every time that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school, one not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case ? a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into another high school at the bottom of the hill. At least that way I wouldn?t have to look like something from an H-game. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it? no, that?d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (Why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls? handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens? handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there isn't much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.


I probably won?t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.


The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come. "My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this? so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there?s no way I couldn't turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight?I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.


That?s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

It's mostly the same since I wanted to preserve the original writing. Mainly just a few corrected typos. I also replaced "Kouyouen Academy" with "another high school."

Edit: Fixed weird paragraphs
________
VMX1200

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by beanbrew

I proofread Kaisos' chapter one and made a few changes:

Spoiler for Chapter 1:

And so, I entered the senior high school in my area.

At that point, I’d already begun to regret this decision. My new school sat on top of a very high hill, and, even in the spring weather, students would become hot and sweaty just from climbing the steep road. Looks like my intent to walk to school in a leisurely fashion wasn’t going to work. Every time that this thought rose to my head, along with the fact that I would have to walk up this hill every day for the next three years, I became tired and depressed, which is why I overslept a bit today. I was beating myself over the head for not studying harder in middle school. Had I done so, I might have gotten into a better school, one not at the top of Mount Everest. (I suppose this is why people in fiction invent time machines.) All of this was just too depressing.

That was the reason for my lone grim face in the pointless, time-wasting entrance ceremony. Everyone else in the room had that "starting a new journey" look on their face; you know, the unique "hopeful, yet filled with uncertainty" look that every new student wears when they enter a new school. (They look really stupid like that.) As for me, that was not the case — a lot of old classmates from my old junior high school were also coming to this school. Added to that, a few of my friends were also here. As a result, I didn't look as worried, or excited, as other people.

The guys were wearing the more modern sport jackets, and we, the girls, were wearing the traditional sailor uniform, a pretty weird combination. Maybe the snore inducing, boring-as-hell principal giving a speech on the stage had some sort of fetish for sailor uniforms. At this point, I really wished that I had gotten into another high school at the bottom of the hill. At least that way I wouldn’t have to look like something from an H-game. Maybe I should organize a petition and get all the other girls to sign it… no, that’d be too much work.

As I was thinking about these useless things, the boring ceremony finally ended, (Why do we need to sit through these things again?) and I, along with my not-so-willing new classmates, entered the 1-5 classroom.

Our homeroom teacher, Okabe-sensei, with her practiced-for-an-hour-in-front-of-a-mirror smile, walked to the front of the class and gave a self-introduction. She first said that she was a PE teacher, and was the managing teacher for the girls’ handball team. Then she moved on to stuff like how, back when she was in university, she used to play on the womens’ handball team, and even won the championship, and that this school seriously lacked handball players, so whoever entered the team would become a regular instantly. She sounds really desperate. Guess there isn't much support for the handball team here. She went on to say stuff like how handball was the most interesting sport in all the world and on and on... just when I thought that the mind-numbing handball dialogue would never end, she suddenly blurted out:

"Now, let's introduce ourselves!"

This kind of thing was pretty familiar, though, so I wasn't surprised at all.

One by one, the people on the left side of the class started to introduce themselves. They raised their hand, announced their name, the name of their old school, and other inconsequential stuff, such as a hobby or favorite food. Some people mumbled their way through it, a few had some pretty interesting introductions, while some tried to tell lame jokes that suddenly made the temperature in the classroom drop. As the people in my row started to introduce themselves, my turn was approaching. I was starting to get nervous. Everyone here should understand my feelings, right?

After I managed to finish my carefully planned, minimal-length introduction without faltering over my words too much, I sat down, feeling the relief you get after having finished something unpleasant but necessary.


I probably won’t forget the next few minutes for the rest of my life.


The person behind me stood up for his turn said the words that would be the topic of conversation at North High for quite a long time to come. "My name is Suzumiya Haruki. I graduated from East Junior High."

Up to this point, the introduction was still normal, still ordinary, so I saw no point in turning around to look at him. I just stared at the front and listened to his deep, clear voice.

"Normal humans do not interest me! If anyone here is an alien, a time traveler, a slider, or an esper, then come! Be my bride! That is all."

What's this… so early in the morning?

Upon hearing something as off-the-wall as that, there’s no way I couldn't turn around.

He had dark hair that came down just past his neck. His angular face was filled with daring and challenge as the rest of the class stared at him. His seriousness and zeal shone through his glinting eyes and long eyebrows. His lips were tightly pursed in a frown. All this was my first impression of this guy.

Haruki, with his passionate eyes, scanned the class slowly, stopped to glare at me (I had my mouth wide open), and then sat down and crossed his arms without so much as a smile.

Was he trying to be dramatic?

At that moment, I believe everyone's minds were filled with question marks, and that everyone was confused as to what their reaction to this insanity should be. "Should I laugh?" No one really knew.

Well, I guess he wasn't trying to be dramatic or funny, as Haruki always has that sombre face on.

He is always serious.

This is based on my hindsight—I can't be wrong.

After the mythical fairies of silence danced around the classroom for thirty-something seconds, the homeroom teacher, obviously flustered, signaled the next person to continue, and the tense atmosphere, thankfully, lifted.


That’s how we met.

How entirely unforgettable. Given the choice, I really want to believe that this was all just a coincidence.

It's mostly the same since I wanted to preserve the original writing. Mainly just a few corrected typos. I also replaced "Kouyouen Academy" with "another high school."

Edit: Fixed weird paragraphs

I already fixed the high school thing about a page ago. Check there.