Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Heroslayer]

Thanks for all the debate but in all honestly I'm probably not going to have the whole Servants vs Nanoha main cast. Mainly because I don't see Shirou bringing them along. I see him sneaking away to deal with a problem that Kiritsugu left him to deal with.

Doesn't he need the proper stance to launch that, something that cannot be done in mid-air? And even if it can work, remember that Lancer must get the enemy inside his range before he can throw, giving them plenty of time to take free shots on him. Or even just back away; he can't change directions mid-air, not unless he can step on something.

And if he throws his spear five kilometers away, retrieving it is going to be a pain. And time consuming. Until he gets it back, he's weaponless.

I'm pretty sure that the whole throwing Gae Borg still has a homing capability. It's been a little while since I've read UBW but I think it still goes for the heart, it just explodes afterwords. And I think it just magics back to his hand.

I have been wondering, but how do you plan on getting Shirou into the action? He can't fly, and some of the clashes between Nanoha and Fate were in the form of high-speed dogfights. Ultra long-range fire support? Better get familiar with those legendary weapons fast

Well that's always something that I felt was going to be a problem. No matter how strong he is, not matter what Noble Phantasm I give him, Shirou can't really fly...yet...

For all of Lyrical Nanoha Shirou is going to be mostly support. And he'll hate it. He's been able to convince himself that he's helping by being the front line distraction so far, but when Fate and Arf come in he's not doing enough. Even after my plot powerup he's still going to just barely reach their level of fighting.

For A's he'll be a bigger fighter, but again that lack of flying is going to bite him pretty badly.

[00-Raiser]

I think it was probably "slash her when she flies by."

[Argent Solbright]

/delurk

I haven't played Hollow Ataraxia yet (or even finish the first game proper) but wasn't there a scene of Archer versus Saber there. It wasn't mid-air fight, sure. But, unless I remember incorrectly, there is a part where Saber jumping on the about-to-shoot-Archer and somehow evaded his arrow mid-jump?

And Archer is clearly capable of shooting from kilometers away, so range clearly isn't a problem for him.

'They are awesome' does have limit as explanation but that series seems really intent to give states that Heroic Spirit are defying common sense to much.

Actually to me it seems only Saber (and Lancer, unless he has a way to instantly retrieve Gae bolg after it was used as projectile) will have significant problems with flying oppoenent. All other servants have some ways to handle it - effectiveness is another matter. Archer is Archer. So is Gilgamesh. Caster can fly herself. Rider have pegasus. Assassin don't exactly have a solution but if an assassin can pick his fight he is already lose anyway, flying enemies or not. Berserker... I wonders more on how MGLN cast can hurt him, baring Arc en Ciel.


Since I have aready delurk may as well ask something else. I have started working on some fic about Einhalt recently. I want to explore on her background since we hardly get any. My mind boggles on how to write about her family, however. I'm tempted to make her an orphan but that sounds cliche, on the other hand I can't think of a parent who basically abandoned their children to living and training alone. I can imagine some of her family may put off with the inherited obsession, but shouldn't they send her to some dojo or something rather than letting her training alone? Some support from the side at least. What kind of life that makes Einhart 'always alone in her training?

Thoughts?

[00-Raiser]

My guess is her parents aren't around. It's specifically mentioned on the training trip how Rio and Corona had to talk to their families, but Einhart just decided to go herself.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Spoiler for Comments:

...When I read the first two paragraphs, I actually thought it was Vivio...and then I was like, wait, what? And backtracked and re-read that three times before it finally registered.

Damn, you surprised me.

That being said...I'm going to keep this short, since I've to run. I really, really like it. Throughout the story, it's noticeable that Hayate isn't really invested in the relationship, and you've portrayed that wonderfully without directly saying it. I also really like Nanoha's reaction - noticeably angry, but not about to fly off and starlight breaker anyone immediately.

And, hm...side question. How old is Vivio here?

*runs off*

LOL, there's a whole story as to why Morgan is blonde : I didn't want to make her a brunette, since I didn't want to accidentally mix her up with Hayate in my descriptions, so I made her blonde. Then as I had continued writing, it hit me that Morgan would look like Vivio XD--which would be a funny nod to Hayate and Vivio later in the series, so I ran with it. Having readers possibly confuse the opening scene is a bonus, hehehe .

I'm glad that people seemed to have picked up on the relationship dynamics ^^--I didn't want to say them directly, and since I tried to keep the story short I worried that bits might not have come through the way I wanted. I wanted Hayate to be cold, not a jerk, and it seems like that worked .

Vivio is 9 here--this takes place after the Mariage incident in SSX. I had made a goof on Hayate's age--she's 22, not 24. That's fixed in the post now.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Ahhh, a fic. Morgan always seemed too...smug, I guess you could say, right from the start, though ironically it actually seemed to be Hayate who was the cold one (which, I suppose, successfully echoes the theme you were having her say to herself). While there are hints of Morgan using her (such as asking for the recommendation), Hayate takes it in such blase and willing fashion that it almost comes rather than Morgan cozying up to her superior for fun and profit that Hayate is...well, paying for sex in the same way that a nineteenth-century "gentleman" would support his mistress with a residence, dresses, jewelry, a carriage, etc., etc. Her lack of emotional involvement in the relationship seems complete (the casual way she dismisses Morgan in the first scene to hang out with Vivio...who's 9 here, if the Mariage case referred to is SSX...and the way her greatest concern about the relationship is to keep her family from making a scene and giving her grief rather than anything about herself and Morgan directly). Truthfully, she reminds me of nothing so much as the male lead in a historical romance novel right before he meets the female lead--focused entirely on the job; relationships being superficial, all about pleasure rather than romance, and completely under control; slight wistfulness towards friends finding romance (inevitably, the couple from one of the author's earlier books)...it's pretty much textbook. Which fits completely, since this is a lead-in to Hayate's romance with Vivio (even if that won't even get started for five-plus years down the road)!

Haha, I went both "" and "" at your description of Hayate as a gentleman with a mistress....it paints Hayate in a harsher light put that way, but you do have a really good point, and I actually kind of like it now that I reflect on it .

I had actually wanted to make Hayate and Morgan's relationship a bit more sympathetic, and show scenes where they're helping each other out emotionally, etc. But I eventually decided against doing it because the story was getting longer than I wanted, and also because I feared screwing up something so delicate . I was pretty sure that people would understand the purpose behind Hayate and Morgan's relationship, and so I chose not to get too deep into it.

I saw Hayate as being...resigned, in a way, to being used for her rank. I don't quite see her as happy with it, but she's willing to let that go in her attempt to actually sustain a relationship. But of course, it doesn't help in the long run... (Of course, this is just my opinion. Any opinions drawn from the actual story itself stands just as validly).

So poor Hayate closes her heart off, until as you say , 5+ years down the road...

Originally Posted by yuiseppe

I now have a wiiiiiiiiiiiide goofy grin plastered over my face I like it when your plot bunny goes crazy hehehe.

When it was first mentioned that Hayate's friends seemed to frown upon her relationship with Morgan, I'd somehow assumed it was because she was superior in rank and that she might have been abusing that authority.

Not sure why I jumped to that rather illogical conclusion because everything else (including past chapters) indicates otherwise. Maybe it was the defensive tone? In all likelihood, it's probably just because my brain's been wired to my job and I instantly consider abuses of power and fiduciary duties :S


Loved how you slipped in the lizard parts of Hayate's thinking too ;D

"From Hayate’s personal judgement of Morgan’s performance in the field…her military performance…" teeheehee

Payment accepted. Now I just need to stop working over my weekend and get drawing

Crazy bunnies are scary . I had to give in to its demands!

I actually did worry about the whole "superior-subordinate" issue, which was why I made Morgan a Navy officer instead of Ground Forces like Hayate, which should eliminate most of the trouble, I think .

Spoiler for possible minor spoiler for the later Hayate and Vivio stories:

However, if Hayate and Vivio got together after "Prerogative of the Brave", it would fall into the "superior-subordinate" problem. I personally saw it as a good reason why Vivio became a specialist in Shigan's "The Things We Tame" so that she's a bit removed from Hayate's direct chain of command, to lessen the problem a bit.

LOL, yes--Hayate is 22, young, and very hormonal . And she has a hot girlfriend. No one can blame her for letting the lizard brain take over a little .

Hurray! Ficcage time well spent for this!

Originally Posted by sniperk

Interesting piece. While you made it sound like Hayate knew her priorities regarding her relantionship with Morgan, at the same time, she completely blew them off just to stroll around with Vivio on the same day. This would be the first hint that Morgan wasn't really into Hayate as she should. Or could. (and vice-versa). By the interaction between the Aces and Vivio, I take that Vivio's bombshell declaration was yet to be delivered by the time of this fic, right?

Plot bunnies are known for their unpredictability. They come, go, sleep, awaken, hibernate again, go take a walk, then come back only to go again, disappearing without notice, but, hopefully, they come back. They always should come back.

Yup, I wanted to show that Hayate places her priorities like this: 1) Family/Friends, 2) Girlfriend, 3) Work. So she's willing to work herself to the bone trying to get her work done around girlfriend time, but she's unwilling to blow off family just to make out with Morgan. And as people have noted, Hayate doesn't even really try to bring Morgan into her family/friend circle, since she doesn't really love her in that forever sense.

This takes place before Vivio does her "When I grow up, I want to marry Hayate-san!". The story is mostly about Hayate's side of things, so I didn't want to clutter it too much with Vivio's subplot, although I did drop a few nods to it .

It's not coming back that worries me . Mine are too exuberant!

Originally Posted by Shigan

Good going! Butter Yui up and we shall patiently achieve what we so dearly covet, hueeehehehehehe~.

Seriously thou, this is great. I love how you slowly fill in all the details of how Hayate was before Vivio stepped in and swept her off her mitts, and this is almost exactly as I imagined her to be: ambitiously competent, a clear leader in the making, a tad emotionally distant and romantically disillusioned. She never had a chance against the Takamachi creed, did she, the poor woman?

Yeah, you put it so well! I see Hayate the same way--she does want what Nanoha and Fate have, but she doesn't think she can ever get it/she doesn't care enough for it to be willing to have it interfere with her ambitions. So she goes for 6 years without bothering about her personal life at all... But yes, the Takamachi way is powerful and irresistable . No chance at all.

[00-Raiser]

I don't think the superior-subordinate thing is that much of an issue. Just look at Chrono and Amy.

[NTFTH]

How old are Amy and Chrono's kids and what are their names? I've never seen it mentioned anywhere.

[deathcurse]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

I don't think the superior-subordinate thing is that much of an issue. Just look at Chrono and Amy.

You have a good point there. Were Amy and Chrono still actually working together after they started a relationship/got married? =O If they were then yeah, I imagine that it might not be a huge problem in the TSAB...

[Rising Dragon]

Originally Posted by NTFTH

How old are Amy and Chrono's kids and what are their names? I've never seen it mentioned anywhere.

I forget the ages, but their names are Karel and Liera.

Also, IIRC, in the US military relationships between two officers are allowed if both are a high enough rank. It was a bit of a minor character plot point between Sam and Jack in Stargate SG-1, after all.

[DezoPenguin]

I do note that Amy and Chrono weren't actually subordinate and superior; they served together on the Arthra under Lindy, but since Chrono was an Enforcer, he wouldn't be in the CoC of the ship itself, while Amy was a bridge-crew staffer.

In A's that gets futzed up a bit, with the way the local base in Uminari City gets established.

BTW, what was Amy's rank? In the U.S. military, for example, fraternization between officers and enlisted personnel is a serious matter, while fraternization between fellow officers or fellow enlisted personnel is not subject to such close scrutiny.

Edit: Partially ninja'd by Rising Dragon!

[00-Raiser]

Actually, Amy was Chrono's aide, just like how Shari is Fate's.

They announced their marriage at the time of the A's epilouge, where we see both of them serving on a ship.

Karel and Liera are both 3 in StrikerS.

[Heroslayer]

Question. I don't really know too much about Strikers.

What part does the Jewel Seeds play in Strikers? They're a power source for something, but are they used repeatedly or is it just a one time thing?

[Rising Dragon]

Originally Posted by Heroslayer

Question. I don't really know too much about Strikers.

What part does the Jewel Seeds play in Strikers? They're a power source for something, but are they used repeatedly or is it just a one time thing?

They power some of the Gadget Drones.

[00-Raiser]

Other than that, nothing. Jail stole them but they never elaborated on it. Same with what he stole from that auction.

Putting the Jewel Seeds in the drones were less of a practical reason and more of a "Hey, look what I can do!" kinda thing. He wants the Bureau to know what he can do, which is why he also wrote his name on all the drones.

[Justin_Brett]

Powered by Jewel Seeds? Didn't remember that...

Just some of them, right?

[Rising Dragon]

Just in the big Type-3s, I think. It was a short scene between Fate and Shari discussing the Gadget Drones they'd defeated recently.

[00-Raiser]

They had Jewel Seeds inside of them anyways.

[Justin_Brett]

Huh, I thought the Jewel Seeds were meant to be pretty powerful. Maybe they didn't gel well with the robotics.

[ZeroIchiNi]

Yeah the other reason why I dislike Strikers. The thing that cause a huge incident in the first season that can cause earthquake and possibly destroy the world gotten reduce to a small battery for an easy to take out robot.

[Rising Dragon]

Actually, I wonder if it was the Jewel Seeds that gave the Gadget Drones their AMF capabilities.