The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by sosoft

Add: Kyon-ko starts freaking out in her head, slaps him, and closed space disintegrates at the very moment. I liked this better.

I can't wait to see her reaction when she wakes up.

[Onizuka-GTO]

so.....when is chapter 2 coming round?

any ETA?

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Onizuka-GTO

so.....when is chapter 2 coming round?

any ETA?

Pfft. Ask number two. And the editors.

[Sute443]

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

I can't wait to see her reaction when she wakes up.

Not sure what her immediate reaction would be, but I imagine that she would act out-of-sorts around Haruki for a little while. Maybe mutter "pervert" under her breath.

[ClockWorkAngel]

Yay done!

Spoiler for Remote Island Syndrome Part Five:

I can’t really bother to draw out the blueprints for the mansion, I never had the skill for drawing or the patience, I think you’ll all get a general idea how it might have looked. To put it simply, our quarters are all on the second floor, Tamaru Keiichi-san's bedroom and the guest room for Yutaka-san are on the third. Maybe this represents their family ties. The maid Arakawa-san and the butler Mori-san each have a room on the first floor......
That's about how it is. All the floors were occupied and it had seemed to be like a simple thing. Koizumi had ran up to me before and said,
“It’s normal isn’t it? You should calm down, ne?”
Don’t “ne?” me, you’re the last person I should hear clam down from, every time you say that, something would suddenly happen, like-
"HEY, KEIICHI-SAN!"
Haruki shouted, I think for a second Keiichi-san had nearly tripped on her high heels.
“Oh! Y-y-yes?”
She barely managed answer him.
“Does this mansion have a name?”
He suddenly said with a much softer voice.
"Right now we haven't come up with one, but if you have any suggestions for the name, I'm all ears."
"Well then, why not call it the House of Fear or the House of Horrors? What do you think? And we could name every room as well, like the Bloodsucking Room, or the Cursed Room?"
"Hmm, that's a great idea! I'll come up with some room names the next time I invite someone."
I have no intentions of sleeping in a room with a name that Haruki has ever thought of.
We crossed the hall and climbed the high-class wooden stairway up to the second floor. The interior was designed like an inn, with a row of doors lined up next to each other.
"The rooms are all about the same size, they're divided into single and double bedrooms. Pick any you like."
What should I do? I wouldn't mind sharing with anybody, but there's five of us. If we had to share, there'd be an odd one out, and no matter how hard I tried, I could only think of Nagato being the one left out. If I loudly announced my roommate priority, I'm sure Nagato-san wouldn't mind, but I'd probably be killed by Haruki's instant outcry or as he calls it, rudimentary punishment. Though I’m sure that’s the wrong word to use.
"Hmm, I think one person per room isn't too bad."
Koizumi concluded for us.
"Since we're only in our rooms while sleeping anyway. We can just walk between the rooms as we please. I'd like to ask, can the doors be locked?"
"They sure can."
Tamaru Keiichi-san smiled and nodded.
"The keys are placed on the cabinet by the bed. The doors won't lock automatically, so you don't have to worry about being locked outside your rooms by accident. But take good care of the keys and don't lose them."
I thought I needed a key, having fears that either Koizumi or Haruki might sneak into my room for kicks. I wouldn’t want them in the same room as me. Besides, I didn't bring any valuables worth stealing, I don't think anyone would dare steal when the suspect list is so narrow. Even if there was, the goddamn thief would definitely be Haruki, are you willing to be the criminal and detective Haruki? Its strange because you’d have to arrest yourself after all.
"Then I'll go see how Arakawa-san is doing. You can take your time walking around. Please don't forget where the emergency exits are located. I'll see you later."
And Keiichi-san slowly walked down the stairs. I remember her smiling fondly when Haruki had asked her those questions, perhaps she has gotten used to it, which makes me wonder how Yutaka-san must act like. I checked the emergency exits again, but I doubt that they could ever really save me, after all there aren’t a lot of exits from an island after all.


For some reason regardless of the impression you make on Haruki, he will take it in a different way, usually his own way.
"If she doesn’t look strange at all, that makes her even more suspicious."
"Then if she did look suspicious, how would you explain that?"
"Just from how she looked, she'd have to be a strange person! It’s quite logical Kyon!"
How the hell is that logical? From his logic everything must be strange in some way. Does this mean you just want to be free to snoop anywhere you like? His standards could probably shock the ISO. Maybe you could work for JARO. I bet you could work hard feeling fulfilled every day there. After all you never seem happy with the life you have here with us, why don’t you move away to somewhere you’ll find more interesting instead? I kept on imagining about the several places where one could go to find adventure, walking down the hallways not really looking where I was going.
I had managed to reach Haruki, who had already claimed a double bedroom as his. I’m not sure whether it was the size or the fact there were two beds he could jump to and from that made him chose it, but I would guess it was alittle bit of both. He has never been modest, and I doubt that his courteousness may or may not fit the general definition of it we have.
Haruki had sat cross legged on the bed, while the rest of us sat on the various seats available; the other bed, the coffee table and so on.
"I know!"
Haruki had shouted, I answered him instinctively as usual,
"Know what?"
"The suspect."
Haruki had answered quickly, for whatever reason he had an aura of a great detective or a loud mouth idiot running his mouth off. I can’t tell nowadays.
I hesitantly spoke for the other three,
"What suspect? There isn't even a case!"
"From my instincts, the suspect is the owner of this place. I think her first target will be Mitsuru-kun."
"Eh!?"
Asahina-san seemed to be really scared for some reason. He had suddenly yelped in fear latching on to the nearest reliable person; Nagato-san. Nagato-san said nothing as Asahina-san had promptly attached himself to him.
"......"
He had already found something to his interest, fixing his gaze to something on the walls. He didn’t have a book in hand, so I guess that is why he had to stare at something else.
"I'm asking you, what suspect?" I asked again, "Or more like, what kind of criminal are you trying to mold Tamaru Keiichi-san into?"
"How should I know? From his eyes, he seems to have something planned. My instincts are usually correct. By then, we'll be involved in some shocking event."
It would be fine if it was just a normal surprise party, but Haruki was expecting something way beyond that, not some messy party where she would only play a bit role.
For some reason Haruki had an image of Keiichi-san suddenly; changing from the kind and generous businesswoman to a person with eyes flashing with insanity, and carrying a sharp butcher knife trying to cut all the guests' stomachs open. Just because she accidentally stumbled upon some ancient grave deep within the island forest, and got possessed by a murderous ghost. Perhaps I’ve thought of that too much too.
"Can something that dumb really happen?"
I waved my hand horizontally in mid air, making a "don't get yourself into trouble" gesture.
No matter how hard you think about it, it's impossible that someone Koizumi knows would turn into something like that. That "Organization" group is not completely stupid, they probably did a lot of background checks beforehand. Koizumi had her usual harmless smile, and Arakawa-san the maid, Mori-san the butler, as well as Tamaru Yutaka-san all looked very far from the image of a scary person. By the way, Haruki is hoping for a mystery, not some interference from the magnetic field, right?
Besides, if anything would have happen, the most would be one to two murders, right? Wait a minute, I’m getting into Haruki’s hype. Besides, things should happen just because he wished it so. The weather's great outside, and the sea's calm. This island is no closed circle. Koizumi stared a me with her harmless smile. I wanted to shout “Shut up!” to her and her nonchalant mask she wears. She was obviously trying to say that whatever Haruki dreamt of would come true and for the most part had came true.
But above all those reasons, as I stared at our brigade chief, somehow I couldn’t really see him as a person who ever wished for someone to die just for his amusement after all. If he was, I would have been killed by his impatient ego dozens of times over by now, seeing myself as a person stupid enough to follow him around for so long. But I can’t help but wonder, what if he is? Because I’m not sure who Haruki is really; after all.

Haruki didn't seem to sense my musing or worries, and said innocently,
"We must swim1 Yes! As Brigade chief I declare we must swim! Let us run onwards to the great sea and swim!"
What type of mental disorder do you have? Do you have to scream out in such a manner? But other than that , swimming isn’t a bad idea, provided the coast guard is available and on standby.
But we've only just arrived, do we have to go so soon? Don't you even want to take a break after all the exhaustion from that long boat trip? Speaking of which, even if Haruki has never felt tired before, he should still be considerate of other people instead of trying to do things by his own standards! Thinking of that I really doubt that Haruki has ever been tired.
"What on earth are you mumbling about? The sun won't stop rising and setting even if you offered sacrifices to Apollo's temple! It would be a waste of time if we don't go before the sun sets."
Haruki suddenly grabbed behind Asahina-san.
"KYAA~!" Asahina-san instinctively shouted. He was indeed rather easy to scare, I wondered perhaps that was why Haruki had chosen him after all.
"Swimsuits! Swimsuits! Mitsuru-kun I’ve chose you one already! Come follow me!”
He had already began to drag Asahina-san. Wait, what did he just say? Does he intend to continue sexually harassing Asahina-san like this, if so I might as well come along, after all he will need my help.
"Koizumi, is the private beach here completely booked for us?"
"Yes it is. People usually go to the beach to collect shells anyway. Few people ever come here anyway, but the waves can be strong here, so try not to swim too far. If you were serious about wanting to have a race......"
"Don't be ridiculous. I was only joking! Mitsuru-kun's bound to get swept away by a black tide to get fed to the fish. Everyone listen up, don't get too carried away and swim too far! Remain in my field of vision."
Can we really trust Haruki with our lives? He has already threw us on nearly fatal activities before, though not intentionally of course, or rather I hope. Anyways, I guess I’ll have to help him, after all I doubt that any of us will be alive if I didn’t.
"Hey, Kyon!"
Haruki's finger pointed towards the tip of my nose. Much too close, I had nearly called out for the police in the accusation of assault.
"Stop frowning! Before more happy! Hurry up! Get ready!”
He had sudden yelled.
“Koizumi! Help Kyon pick out something good alright? I expect a lot!”
He had commanded. What? Why did you suddenly allowed Koizumi to molest me like that? I’d rather choose my own, I think I brought something.
“Of course, Suzumiya-san!”
Koizumi said and smiled, she turned at me with a looking saying “It’s can’t be helped”. She was clearly hoping for this moment, please I don’t want your opinions on my body, I’d rather cloth myself.
Remaining passionate from beginning to end, the Haruki Orient Express sped on, ignoring any obstacles, smiling and giving out orders,
"Then, let's go!"


So, as such, we came to the beach.
The sun was already setting, but the rays and heat were pretty much up to summer standards. The waves washed upon the sand, the clouds floated above in the sky like marshmallows. Our hair was blown by the sea breeze, carrying the scent of the waves.
While it's called a private beach, there really wasn't any need to set up any special booking, as no one ever comes to this uninhabited island anyway. I guess the only people who would come here to enjoy a beach spa are probably some foreign tourists conned by those rubbish travel magazines. Besides the five of us, there was no doubt that the beach was pretty much empty. There weren't even any seabirds.
Haruki had stood up tall in his swimming trucks screaming out,
“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING?!”
In front of my face.
“WHY ARE YOU WEARING YOUR SCHOOL SWIMMING SUIT?!”
He had continued on.
“It’s a personal preference!”
I yelled back at him, I could never hope to reach even a fraction of his loud voice.
“THE BEACH IS FOR BIKINIS!”
He had declared. I think Asahina-san flinched at the thought, he too was wearing a pair of trunks but I couldn’t help but think he was forced into other things beforehand.
Koizumi tapped my shoulder with a bikini on. She smiled and also asked, “You should have gotten into what I’ve chosen for you!”
No thanks Koizumi, I have too many nightmares already.
“SEE?! KOIZUMI HAS THE RIGHT IDEA!”
He had declared as he pointed over to the now posing Itsuki Koizumi. No, I don’t want to be like her.
“Why should I change to suit your tastes?!”
I screamed back at him. Somehow in midst of all this Nagato-san said a few rare words.
“I think it’s fine”
As he continued on to read the book on the blanket laid out on the beach.
Suddenly there was silence, I stared at Nagato-san then to Haruki then back to Nagato-san. Thinking “Nagato-san! Your words are indeed powerful!” but also thinking “But also sort of creepy.” I opted to sit a bit further from him afterwards. Haruki had dragged Asahina-san into the water in which they would splash water at one another. Koizumi sat beside me trying to get me to swim. No thanks, I never can trust your offer.
“Come on! Get up Kyon! Get in to the water! Your brigade chief demands it!”
Haruki yelled at us like a siren warning. I warily got up. To be honest, I didn't mind that much. I was actually planning to get into the water, though of course not in the hopes of being smacked in the water by either Haruki or Koizumi but to simply relax. I guess I could settle with just half of it. I walked down the beach slowly, looking back to see if Nagato-san was watching, like always he had his eyes transfixed on to his book. “Nagato-san, what did you mean when you said those words?” was what I was thinking, what does he ever mean at all?


Once we sensed our muscles starting to fatigue, we returned to the mansion, took a bath and had a rest in our rooms. The sky is now littered with stars. Mori-san then led us to the dining room.
During dinner time:
The dinner for that night was quite flamboyant. I don't think they were meaning to grant Asahina-san's wish, but there was pickled fish on every one of our plates. Being used to poverty, I had to sit upright in respect after seeing all this. I get to eat all of this for free? Is that really okay?
"Be my guests."
Keiichi-san smiled and showed her sincere generosity.
"Think of it as a reward for having come this far, because it's just too boring for me alone here. Actually I'm quite picky in choosing my guests, but of course since you're Itsuki's friends, you're most welcome."
For some reason, Keiichi-san was now dressed very formally compared to when we last saw her. Her white dress was replaced with a elegant one piece that fitted her quite well. I was astounded on the figure she had managed to keep. The dishes were a mix of Japanese and western cuisine. There was lamb, French roast fish, and some steamed stuff, all sorts of things. The only one using a fork and knife was Keiichi-san, since we had asked for chopsticks at the beginning.
"This is great! Who made these?"
Haruki had asked loudly as he was making hand gestures with his left hand while downing food with his right hand.
"Arakawa-san makes all the food, she’s not a bad is she?"
"I must thank her, please call her out later!"
Haruki said as though he were a gourmand who had just tasted a high class dinner.
I looked at Asahina-san, who widened his eyes further every time he took a bite; then at Nagato, who doesn't seem to eat much, yet he never stopped picking up food with his chopsticks; and at Koizumi, who chatted happily with Yutaka-san. I stared at the food in front of me, eating slowly, I enjoyed the delicious food given to us.
"Would you like something to drink?"
Mori-san asked, dressed in his butler uniform, he had been serving us all diligently the whole time. He carried a small, long bottle and smiled. Probably wine, I guess. While it's questionable to offer alcohol to minors, I still decided to ask for one glass. I've never tasted wine before, but one ought to be more daring. And after seeing Mori-san's charming smile, I found it hard to refuse.
"Ah, what's Kyon drinking? I will drink twice as much, no three times as much!"
Due to Haruki's request, glasses filled with wine had now been passed into everyone's hands.
I felt this was the beginning of the nightmare.
That day, I discovered Asahina-san is completely wine intolerant, while Nagato-san is a formidable bottomless pit; as for Haruhi, he's just a hopeless drunkard.
Due to the circumstances, I drank quite a lot and so my memory was quite blurred, but I do remember Haruki grabbing onto the wine bottle and drinking nonstop while knocking on Keiichi-san's head.
"Ah......You're so great! To thank you for inviting us, I'll offer you Mitsuru-kun! Train him well so he can become a better maid! Because this guy is completely hopeless!"
I remotely remember him yelling with a heightened pitch. Did he really intended to make Asahina-san a maid? It would be breaking many unwritten rules of what a maid should be.
Mori-san placed the wine bottle back on the table like a bowling pin, and quietly sliced the apples and pears from the fruits basket, handing them out as dessert. While the our make-believe maid in the club room, Asahina-san was already lying on the table with his face all red. Arakawa-san had came out of the kitchen and had help gotten him up onto a chair.
Nagato-san finished the glass of wine Mori-san poured for him. I don't know how the alcohol in his body gets dissipated. His face remained the same while she emptied glass after glass like a whale drinking seawater.
Yutaka-san asked curiously,
"Is he really okay?"
She looked really worried, I still remembered that scene.
Koizumi claimed that I was carried off by Mori-san, too bad I didn’t wake up to see his face! She said that I had nearly reeked of booze as much as Haruki had. Though I’m sure I didn’t. I’ll take it as one of your jokes Koizumi. I couldn’t remember after all.
Because something happened on the second day that pushed our hangovers to the back of our minds.

A storm brewed suddenly on the morning of the second day. No one bothered to check how strong the down pour was, just from the thunder and lightning, we already knew that it was quite dangerous outside. The sudden storm had already given us the idea of a closed circle. No one was leaving now, and sudden our cheerful atmosphere had receded. How could this happen? A freak storm right here, right now? Have you already gotten bored Haruki? Gotten bored of the sea, of the sun? And perhaps, gotten bored of us?

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Sute443

Not sure what her immediate reaction would be, but I imagine that she would act out-of-sorts around Haruki for a little while. Maybe mutter "pervert" under her breath.

Maybe we can also keep Haruki's "I'm not moe for ponytail" thing during the school scene. Haruki gives her a seemingly out-of-character compliment about her ponytail. He's embarrassed to have even thought of such a thing, and she's going tsuntsun on the outside and deredere on the inside.

[Onizuka-GTO]

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Pfft. Ask number two. And the editors.

erm....who?

edit: oh yeah, is it just me or is the sos dan forum down?

edit 2: and wiki ?


did it collapse under the weight of the seitenkan fan-fiction?

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Onizuka-GTO

erm....who?

edit: oh yeah, is it just me or is the sos dan forum down?

edit 2: and wiki ?


did it collapse under the weight of the seitenkan fan-fiction?

Kaisos is #2.

And yeah the SOS guys are down.

[Onizuka-GTO]

seems like the crack got to them.

poor things.


oh, kaios.

how could i forget.

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Aw come on. RAGING HORMONES are a perfectly acceptable explanation.

Edit: I've come up with a compromise. Kyon-ko initiates the kiss, pulling down Haruki by his tie, as depicted in most fanart. It's a tender, shoujo-esque moment for a little while, but the closed space hasn't begun to collapse yet. This is when Haruki starts getting frisky. Kyon-ko starts freaking out in her head, but now closed space is disintegrating around them.

Then she wakes up.

Originally Posted by sosoft

Add: Kyon-ko starts freaking out in her head, slaps him, and closed space disintegrates at the very moment. I liked this better.

I figure that the sequence of events goes something like: Kyonko drags Haruki down for a kiss, and while they're lip-locked she slowly realizes just what exactly she's gotten herself into, while Haruki is still shocked. Closed Space starts disintegrating now. Just before Kyonko decides to disengage, Haruki starts reciprocating, Kyonko makes a serious attempt to push him away, but before she does, she wakes up.

Considering that this is supposed to be the final argument for keeping the world as it is instead of remaking it, it's probably not a good idea to annoy the Reality Warper too much. If Kyonko manages to reject Haruki in any way, or succeed in rejecting him to be precise, there's no reason for Haruki to keep the Old World. Therefore, satisfying as it may be to Kyonko, slapping Haruki is probably not going to happen. (Or at least not going to happen without completely rewriting the rest of the story.)

The important thing is that Haruki has to believe strongly enough that the Old World is worth keeping, if only because Kyonko is there. After he wakes up he can rationalize it to be just a dream without meaning, but in Closed Space, at that very moment in time, it truly is ultima ratio mundi.

In short: no matter what Kyonko wanted to do, the final outcome has to be that Haruki does not get rejected or hurt, at least in his belief.

Originally Posted by CrowKenobi

Well, we need to at least start with Haruhi's objective:
We need to figure out how the manliness, guts, etc. fits into that.

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Guts, passion, manliness... Creating an army? Kicking people's asses?

I can't think of anything without my thoughts drifting off to the Gurren-Dan.

I think the manliness angle should be toned down in favour of being confident and passionate.

Haruki's stated objectives for the SOS Brigade should probably remain the same, but his personal objectives could be to make everyone else the same as he is. He's outspoken, unhesitant, utterly confident, without a single shred of self-doubt, and willing to do the utmost for causes he truly believes in. Now, from that mindset, pretty much the entire world would seem to be wishy-washy and indecisive, and Haruki is not a patient person. It could be that he truly believes that the world would be a better place if everyone just spoke their minds honestly and forthrightly, doing what they believe to be right, without being weighed down by fear of humiliation, fear of negative consequences (bad things will happen anyway, but look them in the face unafraid!), fear of what other people will think.

Now imagine if Haruki's goal is to turn Mitsuru into someone as confident as himself.

I may have been incoherent in this post. It's four in the morning, and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow, I might start on either Mysterique Sign, Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody, or maybe the later parts of Volume 1.

[sosoft]

http://www.fs2you.com/zh-cn/files/9e...-00142218fc6e/
or
http://www.fs2you.com/files/fa6a75fa...-00142218fc6e/
chinese e-book application on genderbending done.

[sosoft]

Originally Posted by dkellis

In short: no matter what Kyonko wanted to do, the final outcome has to be that Haruki does not get rejected or hurt, at least in his belief.

Can go with yours. However, i don't think a slap would pissed him off so much to totally reverse his way of thinking.
Could be an interesting way to end it too. Imagine Haruki's side : wakes up finding himself kissing his own pillow.




-slaps are moe-

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by sosoft

Add: Kyon-ko starts freaking out in her head, slaps him, and closed space disintegrates at the very moment. I liked this better.

I don't like it. The reason Haruhi finally snapped and started creating a new world, was partly because of Kyon's interactions with Mikuru earlier that afternoon. Haruki is most likely going to right there go ahead with the creation with the new world right then if Kyonko slapped, and there will be nothing that she could do about it. She will have no options left, and Haruki will create a new world, and will drag Kyonko kicking and screaming into it.

I like the scenario where Kyonko initiates, Haruki is momentarily stunned, and hormones kick in and he tries to get very physical. After he's done this enough to leave Kyonko deliciously panicked and distressed, but before things really heat up, Haruki wakes up.

That's gotta be a huge bummer moment on his part.

Originally Posted by sosoft

Can go with yours. However, i don't think a slap would pissed him off so much to totally reverse his way of thinking.
Could be an interesting way to end it too. Imagine Haruki's side : wakes up finding himself kissing his own pillow.

Getting kissed by someone out of the blue that you are attracted to(and I don't mean peck, I mean continued liplock) and then getting slapped for kissing them back is going to change the way someone is thinking. The whole reason Haruki is making a new world is because he is unsatisfied with the world, and because he is frustrated with his relationship with Kyonko. The idea behind the Kiss is that it's enough that Haruki's satisfied on that aspect, and doesn't feel a need for creating a new world. The idea with the Kiss is that Haruki is confident enough with his relationship with Kyonko, that he doesn't up an destroy the world over her spending time alone with another guy.

Slapping Haruki after Kyonko has initiated contact will leave him disappointed, rejected, stupid, mislead, sexually aroused and pissed off. You do not want to have a head strong god like entity to have these feelings.

I for one, for the sake of the continued existence of reality as we know it, vote against slapping. (Besides, would Haruki embrace Kyonko loosely enough for her to slap him?)

[DJ_RockmanX]

@dkellis and RR: Well I can't reason against your logic. I'm not exactly for the slap either, even if it could be funny.

And we'll probably be able to think of something funnier eventually.

[ClockWorkAngel]

I'm opting for some thing this.

H: Aren't you tired of the old world?!
K: Why would I?!
H: Because it was boring!
K slaps H
H: What the hell was that for?!
K: Dumbass! How could that world be boring?! I was there weren't I?
H: SO?! You're here know aren't you?!
K: That isn't the point!
H: What the hell are you trying to say?!
K: Idiot I'm trying to say! --------
H: WHAT?!

"Whatever I said to Haruki, had made him suddenly stop, though I couldn't rememeber those words exactly I had remembered the next thing which had happen, as I reached for Haruki...."

Then kissu!

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by ClockWorkAngel

*snip*

Slap, then kiss? That really pushes the envelope on the end of the world, but gives Kyon-chan a good way of stopping Haruki when they're running.

What do others think of this? I'm still not too keen on it.

[renrutal]

You're supposing way too much.

Slapping or not, to reach that situation first, wouldn't Haruki need to kiss Kyonko back first?

In the original novel, Kyon had no idea what Haruhi did, but surely she wasn't kissing back.

Spoiler:

Her black eyes resisted me. I ignored Haruhi's protests and kissed her on the lips. It's more polite to close your eyes at times like this, so I closed mine. And so, I didn't know what expression Haruhi had. Were her eyes open from the shock? Or did she close her eyes as well? Or did she try to raise her hand and slap me? But even if she did slap me it didn't matter, since I was betting everything on this. If anyone else did this to Haruhi, they would know how I felt then. I grabbed her hand and held on tightly, not wanting to let go yet.

In this version, will Haruki kiss back AND trespass to the point Kyonko would consider slapping him?

If yes, I'd say the scene could take the reverse of the original above, Haruki wouldn't know what expression Kyonko took, if her eyes were closed, or if she rose her hand to slap him. The scene ends before anything else happens.

[Dan~]

Here's my take on the kissing thing:

Kyonko and Haruki : blah blah blah

Kyonko reaches up to Haruki's shoulders and pulls him down for a kiss.
Kyonko is all I can't believe I'm doing this.
Haruki goes for total liplock
Kyonko: Eeehhhh?!?!
He keeps going.
Kyonko OMGWTFBBQRAPE!!!
Kyonko ...
Kyonko Actually, this feels kinda nice.
Kyonko Eh, why not?

While still kissing, she takes her free hand and starts undoing her shirt. Then, just before anything gets exposed (I'm thinking in terms of the anime here, not sure how to translate it into writing) the closed space disintegrates. I picture millions of viewers staring at their TV screens in utter disbelief, cursing KyoAni or whoever picks this up.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Dan~

Here's my take on the kissing thing:

Kyonko and Haruki : blah blah blah

Kyonko reaches up to Haruki's shoulders and pulls him down for a kiss.
Kyonko is all I can't believe I'm doing this.
Haruki goes for total liplock
Kyonko: Eeehhhh?!?!
He keeps going.
Kyonko OMGWTFBBQRAPE!!!
Kyonko ...
Kyonko Actually, this feels kinda nice.
Kyonko Eh, why not?

While still kissing, she takes her free hand and starts undoing her shirt. Then, just before anything gets exposed (I'm thinking in terms of the anime here, not sure how to translate it into writing) the closed space disintegrates. I picture millions of viewers staring at their TV screens in utter disbelief, cursing KyoAni or whoever picks this up.

Right in from Derailed by Darry eh?

[renrutal]

Originally Posted by Dan~

Here's my take on the kissing thing:

Kyonko and Haruki : blah blah blah

Kyonko reaches Haruki's tie and pulls him down for a kiss.
Kyonko is all I can't believe I'm doing this.
Haruki goes for total liplock
Kyonko: Eeehhhh?!?!
He keeps going.
Kyonko OMGWTFBBQRAPE!!!
Kyonko ...
Kyonko Actually, this feels kinda nice.
Kyonko Eh, why not?

While still kissing, she takes her free hand and starts undoing her shirt. Then, just before anything gets exposed (I'm thinking in terms of the anime here, not sure how to translate it into writing) the closed space disintegrates. I picture millions of viewers staring at their TV screens in utter disbelief, cursing KyoAni or whoever picks this up.

I'd go:

Kyonko reaches up to Haruki's shoulders and pulls him down for a kiss.
Kyonko is all I can't believe I'm doing this.
Haruki goes for total liplock/mouth rape
Kyonko: Eeehhhh?!?!

*Kyonko wakes up on the floor with a look of total WTF mixed with arousal.*

That's how I'd cut the scene, the funny part being on Kyonko on the floor totally out of breath.