A Laugh A Day

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by Omfgbbqwtf

Speaking of which....

Spoiler for A bit gory:

[Pendevous]

Spoiler for picture:

+ 1 joke:

A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security.

After waiting in line a long time he got to the counter. The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "Will I have to go home and come back now?" he asks. The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."

So he opens his shirt revealing lots of curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me," and she processed his Social Security application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office. She said, "You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too."

--> OWNED!

[anti-random]

Pendevous that is a really stupid joke that is incredible dumb that I actually smiled. I am hereby ashamed of myself and I blame you.

[Pendevous]

Originally Posted by anti-random

Pendevous that is a really stupid joke that is incredible dumb that I actually smiled. I am hereby ashamed of myself and I blame you.

ROFL! Some of the jokes that can make a person smile are the dumbest jokes.

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Spoiler:

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Ferraris and Lexus's in the garage and no more yacht club.But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.

lol, I like that joke very much. Such an understanding wife.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for to save room for pictures (^_^):

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by jedinat

lol, I like that joke very much. Such an understanding wife.

so true, so true. But wait, if she divorced him wouldn't she get like half his fortune. All right its a joke, i reading into it too much.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Awwww... I just realized my image links got blocked.... oh well. I'll repost them later once I figure out to get around those pesky hotlinking blockers...

For now, here are the hyperlinks to those images. They are quite funny!

HP

Clue Bat

Leadership

Blood

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by Spectacular_Insanity

Awwww... I just realized my image links got blocked.... oh well. I'll repost them later once I figure out to get around those pesky hotlinking blockers...

For now, here are the hyperlinks to those images. They are quite funny!

HP

Clue Bat

Leadership

Blood

lol, those are considered hotlinks as well. It really isn't that time consuming to upload pictures to photobucket or similar.

[Pendevous]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for to save room for pictures (^_^):

This last picture is scary!

More jokes:

Spoiler:

A man is fishing in a lake for a long time...He gets tired and calls out to God, "God...Please send me at least 1 big fish today..."

A tiger shark surfaces beside the boat and asks, "You called??"

Spoiler:

John decided he needed a day off. So he climbed to he cieling and shouted, "I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb!!!!" The boss deciding John was too stressed said, "I think you need the day off...Go home right now!" Ted was watching this...He got an idea...He too followed John out. The boss asked him, "And where do you think you're going??" Ted replied, "You can't expect me to work in the dark..."

Spoiler:

A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets. Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: “How much do you earn a month?”
“Ten thousand rupees,” answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took Rs10,000 from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: “Here is your ten thousand. Now, get out of here and don’t come back again!”
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, “What the hell was his job here?”
“He came to deliver a pizza,” one of them said.

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by Pendevous

Spoiler:

A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets. Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: “How much do you earn a month?”
“Ten thousand rupees,” answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took Rs10,000 from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: “Here is your ten thousand. Now, get out of here and don’t come back again!”
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, “What the hell was his job here?”
“He came to deliver a pizza,” one of them said.

Dumbest director ever. But good work philosophy.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by jedinat

lol, those are considered hotlinks as well. It really isn't that time consuming to upload pictures to photobucket or similar.

Darn. Foiled again. I will be successful...one day.

[Thrasher187]

Spoiler for more funny pikz!:

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Lol. I just had to post this one.

No hotlinking issues this time.... I hope.

[Miko Miko]

have you heard the butter joke?

Spoiler for joke:

Sorry, i didn't want you to spread it


lame joke

[Pendevous]

Spoiler:

The manager of a large office saw a new guy one day and told him to come into his office. " what's your name?" was what the manager asked the new guy. "John" he said.


The manager gave John his standard lecture ..."Look, I don't know what kind of little wimpy place you came from, but around here I only call people by their last name- Smith, Jones, Davids, etc. I'm Mr. Lawson.


Now that we got that settled tell me your last name. "Darling, my name is John Darling."

"Ok, John, the next thing I have to tell you is..."

Spoiler:

A young fireman placed a ladder against the bedroom window of a burning house and rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see- through nightie.

"Aha," said he, "you're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!"

"But I'm not pregnant," the brunette indignantly exclaimed.

"You're not rescued yet either."

[Thrasher187]

This is one smart bird!(O.o)
This .gif was taken somewhere in Scotland. And when I saw it, I just had to post it!

Spoiler for your not gonna believe this, but...:

I bet he does this every afternoon! ^^

[anti-random]

^yeah, that story was in the Mx. It seems that the customers actually pay for the bird taking the chips.

[Omfgbbqwtf]

Kind of mean, Michael J Fox's Fans + sensative people don't click

Spoiler for ~~:

[anti-random]

^That's just plain cruel.