2011-02-12, 12:45 | Link #61 |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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Many thanks for the honest criticism and opinion, zebra^^ I don't have time to expand upon your opinion at the moment, but I do appreciate it. I like your take on the story and as you said, there are many ways to view a story.
I'd like to remind everyone that by the 14th, you need to revise your entry (should you wish to) and write "Final Entry" on it. I'll be doing so for my entry this afternoon.
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Last edited by Hiroi Sekai; 2011-02-12 at 14:16. |
2011-02-12, 13:09 | Link #63 |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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It's just a personal note; there's no reason to be precise. If you want to know when to post your final entry by, please read the first post. All times with timezone conversions are there.
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2011-02-12, 13:56 | Link #64 | ||||||
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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@zebra, many thanks for the comments and critique. Sorry for the script like feel to it; my idea was to have different chapters follow different characters. In a chapters with Mao I might go all out narrative, in a chapter with one of the other main characters — I haven't reveal yet — I might go all out monologue. Kou is basically the talkative/interactive type hence the dialog, and also why I gave him the crappy situation and semi-crappy personality (makes for more interesting dialog).
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2011-02-12, 14:30 | Link #66 |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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I have an end, main characters, key events and general direction for the story sketched in my head. Mostly yes, I'll wing it as I go along, since it's easier to figure out what works and what doesn't as you write; not to mention I don't really have a choice given the theme limitation.
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2011-02-12, 14:40 | Link #67 | |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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2011-02-12, 15:18 | Link #69 | |
In scientific terms only.
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Thanks, zebra; the commentary is seriously appreciated. I'll just pretend that what you pulled out of the story was intentional. @felix: I'll +1 papermario's suggestion there. |
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2011-02-13, 04:28 | Link #71 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Singapore
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Yeah, he's (almost!) BATMAN, but without so much money, and he doesn't wear his underwear on the outside. Nor does he wear a cape, that silly bat! Actually when I wrote the story I've tried to imagine how a superhero would be realized in the real world. AKA, Anyway, glad you've enjoyed it! I'll post an edited version later, but that contains only minor edits, so don't expect too much change. Also, good luck to all the other contestants, perhaps we'll even see some secret challengers appear. |
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2011-02-13, 18:49 | Link #73 | |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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2011-02-14, 04:26 | Link #74 | |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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2011-02-14, 04:44 | Link #76 |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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Genesis II
"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth." Laughing a sick and somewhat desperate laugh, the man crumpled the sacred pages with both of his hands. He looked up to the heavens and exclaimed: "Created the Earth?! Well then God, you tell me where the hell everybody disappeared to. Is this a sick joke, God? I'm telling you...I'M NOT LAUGHING!" It had been 7 days now. The worst cycle of monophobia was beginning to rise from within the man, and he had finally broken down on the day of the Sabbath. He had no memories except for the fact that mankind had left him in this cruel world. "Heh. Hehehehe. HAHAHA!" the man was literally almost in tears at this point. "You know, it IS somewhat funny! Destroy all of humanity but physically leave the Earth behind...SICK, but funny." With no options left, the man began to circle the mysterious garden where he had awoke. Lush trees with colourful fruits rose up from every inch, and it was all perfectly edible. The man had been feasting off of the fruit since awakening, but for an unexplainable reason, he would not eat the fruit from the center tree. There was nothing holding him back, but a sharp pain came to him whenever he even considered tasting the oddly shaped delectable. "Another day of the same food. I can't stand this for much longer, but at least I'm not starving." the man took a bite of one of the fruits, looked at the skies and yelled: "You hear me, God? I will defeat you and your sick world! You can't bring me down THAT easily!" And the instant the last word escaped his mouth, the man fell into a state of deep sleep. He slept and he slept, and several hours passed before he awoke again. "Ah, good. You're awake!" The man heard it. The voice of a human, but to him, it was the voice of an angel. Turning around, he caught a glimpse of a young woman, standing nude without shame. Within a few seconds, the man cried heavy tears. The woman hunched over and consoled him without a second thought. "O' great Lord, I thank thee!" he exclaimed. The woman had no memories of her own, as the man quickly found out. Conversation was almost impossible as there was nothing to reminisce upon and nothing they had in common. Yet they lived in the magical garden, living off of the fruits that seemed to be infinite. But they never dared to touch the fruit from the center tree. It seemed that the woman shared his fear of the middle tree. Living off of one source of food, nude and not knowing. This continued for several days; the same repetitive thing. The man was sick of it all, and his faith was almost on the brink of destruction. All he wished was to go back to his old lifestyle with his two sons and wife. While alone and deep in thought, the man heard a sinister voice. "Ssssooo, you want to know what'sssss happened to your world?" slithered the slippery voice. It was already too late, the man was beyond intrigued. Something about this voice wasn't right, but the seduction of knowledge rendered the man useless. "Yes, yes! What had happened? How can I return?" he desperately asked. "The fruitssssss on the tree in the middle. They hold the anssswer you sseeeek. Eat one, and you will know all." "I don't know...there is something wrong with eating the fruit from that tree." said the man, not having a reason behind his claim. "It'sssss fine...It'ssssss just sssssome fruit, ssssame as the otherssssss. It'ssssss the only way." And with that said, the man was convinced. The woman was nowhere in sight, but that didn't matter. Slowly, he made his way to the center tree, and despite the sharp pain he felt, he plucked one of the fruits and took a large bite. In an instant, it all came back. "Where have you gone? It's time to eat!" shouted the woman. With a booming voice, the man yelled: "EVE!" "E-Eve? Is that...my name?" she shuddered. "One bite of this fruit and you shall know all." And without hesitation, she took a bite. The only word she could tearfully speak a second later was: "ADAM!" Their memories had returned. Adam and Eve patched together coverings from fig leaves, now ashamed of their nude skin. It was odd, but Adam thought he could hear a sinister laugh slithering away. "Eve, you remember! You truly...re..mem.." And with that, the man dropped. Comatose, but not dead. In shock, the woman began to scream for her husband. "ADAM! A...DA..." And the woman immediately joined him. "W-WHA! WHAT IS THIS?!" A strong jolt awoke the man and he was in the garden, alone. There was nobody in sight, and all he clutched in his hand were the sacred pages of God's word. "W-where is everyone? Am I the only one?!" he cried. The wind carried a declaration from the Almighty, and Adam swore he heard it. "Thou shalt not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil." FINAL ENTRY.
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Last edited by Hiroi Sekai; 2011-02-15 at 03:16. |
2011-02-14, 05:01 | Link #77 |
sleepyhead
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: event horizon
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My entry is final. Won't just repost it as I'd prefer to avoid duplication.
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2011-02-14, 05:05 | Link #78 | |
ゴリゴリ!
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia
Age: 32
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2011-02-14, 05:09 | Link #79 |
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Ohoh looking forward to all the final entries! You guys gave me some nice reads already!
Good luck everyone :3 @felix, the short description you inserted actually helps. Not just in terms of making sense, but also in picturing the scene and Rei better. It's not an empty room anymore. |
2011-02-14, 06:38 | Link #80 |
In scientific terms only.
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Right then! Final draft is here.
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contest, emdas, writing |
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