Meeting people

[Roots]

I realize this thread might make me seem a bit....lame, but I have trouble meeting people (particularly of the opposite sex). I'm moving to Austin next year for grad school, and I want to find a significant other to spend my free time with. When I move somewhere new, it usually takes me a year or two before I feel like I have friends that I actually enjoy being friends with. I want to try to cut that time to one to two months


So here's a list of reasons why I have this problem:

- I hate parties. I just don't like being in a crowded, noisy atmosphere with people I don't know. I don't see what is so fun about it, because of all the parties I've ever been to I have not enjoyed myself in the least bit.

- I hate drinking. Sorry I'm not the typical college student that gets drunk for 4 years, but I hold myself to higher standards. I'm ok with others drinking lightly, but I hate being around drunk people.

- All the clubs/activities I have been seriously involved in at college turned out to be male dominant (IEEE, jujutsu, kendo, etc.)

- There are virtually no girls in my major or any of my classes (Computer Engineering)


I want to find someone who has the same interests as me, but I don't know how because most of the interests that I'm 'serious' about are all male-dominated! Since I like to exercise the gym might seem like a good place, but I hate exercising with other people around. This sucks! What can I do to find a good girl next year? Any advice is appreciated

[HoboGod]

Originally Posted by Roots

So here's a list of reasons why I have this problem:

- I hate parties. I just don't like being in a crowded, noisy atmosphere with people I don't know. I don't see what is so fun about it, because of all the parties I've ever been to I have not enjoyed myself in the least bit.

yea, i hate parties too. can't help you find an alternative there, tho.

Originally Posted by Roots

- I hate drinking. Sorry I'm not the typical college student that gets drunk for 4 years, but I hold myself to higher standards. I'm ok with others drinking lightly, but I hate being around drunk people.

well, there are always coffee shops and social lounges.

Originally Posted by Roots

- All the clubs/activities I have been seriously involved in at college turned out to be male dominant (IEEE, jujutsu, kendo, etc.)

have you tried a book club? or maybe some sort of club that isn't violent. from my experiances, women don't crave violence like men do.

Originally Posted by Roots

- There are virtually no girls in my major or any of my classes (Computer Engineering)

try to make friends in your classes and then see if any of them can find you a date. you might not be able to find a girl in your classes, but you still might be able to find a ladies' man that can help you.

[Roots]

Originally Posted by HoboGod

well, there are always coffee shops and social lounges.



have you tried a book club? or maybe some sort of club that isn't violent. from my experiances, women don't crave violence like men do.



try to make friends in your classes and then see if any of them can find you a date. you might not be able to find a girl in your classes, but you still might be able to find a ladies' man that can help you.

I hate coffee too.


I'm not a big book reader. My mind wanders too easily so I can only read books that total capture my attention. And for the record, I'm not a violence-loving guy either. I'm actually one of those sensitive, nice guys you may hear about through rumors. "Nice guys finish last" - its so true


Third option might be a possibility. All of the (close) friends I've made here though also know almost no girls, but maybe it will be different at my new school.

[HoboGod]

ah, if you are the sensitive type, join some really girly club like gardening... or cooking... or community service... or something else no man would willingly join.

you don't like coffee and you don't like books....goddamn it... there goes 2 ideas out the window. how about social lounges, alot of colleges have places for students to simply hang out and talk.

EDIT: and they don't need to be close friends. just get to know everybody in your classes by first name. once you are popular enough, or at least appear popular enough, find somebody to get you a date

[junko]

Uh, HoboGod, not to nit-pick or anything, but that doesn't really help. If you join "girly" clubs, then you'll get picked up as the "nice-guy", and the "friend". "Friend" is the kiss of death, I'm telling ya. Hrm . . . UTA, I think they have an anime club in their campus. You might want to try taking sociology or psychology. Or, if you're devout, I think someone mentioned that they have a world religions class. Start a study group; most people will jump on the bandwagon. Plenty of girls.

Another trick: go to the student union, and play some pool. If you are really good, some of the girls will come up and ask you to teach them. But don't act too standoffish, or it won't work. Or, if you suck horribly, look for some good pool-shark hotties, and ask them to give you some pointers. There's probably a TV room, too. Hang out there.

Or, if worse comes to worse, and you still don't have a running crew, I'm in Dallas, and some of my friends occasionally go to Austin. You could come visit, if you want.

[LynnieS]

If you belong to a particular religion, what about church/synagogue/mosque services? Austin, or so I hear, had a pretty good music scene, and the University of Texas does have a large presence in the area.

I'm actually not a fan of the idea of "joining a feminine-seeming club to meet girls" (no offense meant, HoboGod ) since that seems rather... desperate.

[Tzurial]

Originally Posted by Roots

I hate coffee too.

you can always meet someone at the...water fountain!! yay

I'm not too good a source on meeting girls. OH! I have a plan for you Roots. First, you write cheesy, innermost secrets in some sort of notebook. Then, you absentmindedly leave it where a girl you know you'd get along with (oh! if only you had a chance to talk to her!) is sure to pick it up. When she looks inside the notebook to see who it belongs to, she notices that it's yours and also that you like pudding! She falls madly in love with you.. and *pfft* two months? it only took half an hour!!

(you must include a discussion of pudding in the notebook or else it wont work)

[HoboGod]

i will be the first to admit that i don't know how to woo a girl (or at least, have never tried.) but i'm not saying to join a club and stick to it. i'm just pointing out places he could find girls. gathering information is what i do best, i wouldn't have any tips for him when he actually finds a girl, i can just help find ways to blend in and meet somebody.

joining a girly club wont get a guy labeled nice guy. talking to and associating with the girly groups will. just like when a predetor hunts an animal. it may appear dangerous to attack a herd, but the one that is seperated from the pack is easy meat.

[junko]

Originally Posted by Tzurial

you can always meet someone at the...water fountain!! yay

I'm not too good a source on meeting girls. OH! I have a plan for you Roots. First, you write cheesy, innermost secrets in some sort of notebook. Then, you absentmindedly leave it where a girl you know you'd get along with (oh! if only you had a chance to talk to her!) is sure to pick it up. When she looks inside the notebook to see who it belongs to, she notices that it's yours and also that you like pudding! She falls madly in love with you.. and *pfft* two months? it only took half an hour!!

(you must include a discussion of pudding in the notebook or else it wont work)

You've been watching too much anime. Most girls, if they read that sort of thing, would run screaming in the other direction. Also, you're dealing with Texas women. Home of the two-minute blowjob and X-a-delic club scene. He would be better off running naked trhough the Reunion Tower.

[Roots]

Originally Posted by Tzurial

you can always meet someone at the...water fountain!! yay

I'm not too good a source on meeting girls. OH! I have a plan for you Roots. First, you write cheesy, innermost secrets in some sort of notebook. Then, you absentmindedly leave it where a girl you know you'd get along with (oh! if only you had a chance to talk to her!) is sure to pick it up. When she looks inside the notebook to see who it belongs to, she notices that it's yours and also that you like pudding! She falls madly in love with you.. and *pfft* two months? it only took half an hour!!

(you must include a discussion of pudding in the notebook or else it wont work)

LOL, that sounds exactly like the kind of plan I would come up with.

Hobogod, just because I'm the sensitive type doesn't mean I like cooking/gardening, lol. I'm just act with other people's feelings in mind, that's all.

junko, yes I have fallen into the "just friends" trap of death more times than I'd like to recall. I don't really fancy taking a liberal arts class just to meet girls though. I took elementary psych this semester just to get a gen ed credit, and even though girls were all over the class: 1) Most of them never came to lecture, 2) Most of them were completely lacking in intelligence, which is a huge turn-off for me. Besides, I find those types of classes boring. If anything I'll take German or Chinese or something (took 3 years of Japanese classes, but there were no girls in there either!!!)

FYI: I'm not religious, so I would NEVER join any church/bible groups *shudders*



Thanks for the help so far though guys. See its hard for someone like me!
(do you like how I refered to my old threads? I found it amusing )

[HoboGod]

so, just considerate of other people's feelings? that doens't count as sensitive. being sensitive would mean crying after a romantic comedy and such pointless things as that.

[Jaz]

Originally Posted by Roots

- I hate parties. I just don't like being in a crowded, noisy atmosphere with people I don't know. I don't see what is so fun about it, because of all the parties I've ever been to I have not enjoyed myself in the least bit.

I love parties, you'll get used to the crowded atmosphere. But meeting girls at parties isn't the best thing. You'll only be judged by you looks, most of the time.

Originally Posted by Roots

- - I hate drinking. Sorry I'm not the typical college student that gets drunk for 4 years, but I hold myself to higher standards. I'm ok with others drinking lightly, but I hate being around drunk people.

Alcohol loosens the social response.(Might come in handy). And if you're really desperate, drunk women...

Originally Posted by Roots

- - All the clubs/activities I have been seriously involved in at college turned out to be male dominant (IEEE, jujutsu, kendo, etc.)

Seriously, I don't think that joining any girl dominated activities will get you anywhere. If you the only guy, that would look a bit suspicious, wouldn't it? Even if you were to join it with a friend of yours. The only option, is to find a girl you know, a normal friend of course, and join it with here. Then you won't look like the lonely guy who is out 'hunting'.

Originally Posted by Roots

- - There are virtually no girls in my major or any of my classes (Computer Engineering)

That's just a downside of your major I guess. Nothing that can be done about that

Originally Posted by Roots

- I want to find someone who has the same interests as me

I don't think you should go after girls with the same interests. They are even harder to find. Especially, if you're majoring Computer Engineering and do all kind of martial arts. That a very rare combination to find under girls. Of course you're got other interests, but meanly it isn't good to go after same interests. That just makes it harder.

Originally Posted by junko

You might want to try taking sociology or psychology.

Guess what I'm doing...

[Secca]

I say, you should try one those blind date.

If it works - great.

If it doesn't - no string attached. ^^

[JubeiYamazaki]

Fate works in mysterious ways, there's no guaranteed way to meet women handbook, so all I can do is give you this advice, I had a thread on how to meet girls and make a long lasting relationship out of it on another forum.. erm but its gone now.

First we need to know if you got the guts to go for the goal. As I told my other friend, look at your palm, then make it to a fist, then throw your fist into your crotch. If you're brave/stupidest enough to do that, then you're brave/stupid enough to ask a girl out/make conversation with.

Lets say you're not brave enough for either, make one a goal and accomplish it, which one will you choose?

[Palani]

The problem I found with girls is not the actual conversation It's the barrier of stepping up to her.
If there's one thing you need to avoid than it are those old and over-used opening lines. If you insist on using one then make a funny adaption.
Instead of "Haven't I Seen You Here Before" "Hey I Haven't I Never Seen You Before" (it worked for me once or twice)

Another nice one that worked for me. I was waiting for someone but since you're here know I guess the waiting is over. Used two times. Once it fired back once it worked.

There's really just one piece of advise I can give you. Be Brave Be Bold, (And offer her a drink.)
Just remember, only offer her a drink when she has none. If she already has a full glass then wait fot the right moment.

[GungFuFury]

sounds like u just dont get out much... i suggest u make some friends in ur classes who u know r social and hangout with them... try and be a lil more outgoing... what i noticed most about girls are that they like CONFIDENCE... thats key... usually if u just have enough nerve to talk to a girl theyll dig ya and if they dont... no sweat ya live ya learn doesnt hurt to try... u dont get anything from doing NOTHING... u wont be finding ANY girls by not talking to ANY... blind dates can be sooooo horrible when u both show no interest in eachother... brush up on ur conversation skills by talkin to more people... begin with introducing ur self and start from there...ive actually met a LOT of hotties at the gym and gotten their numbers and gone out with them... ones whom i thought were WAY outta my league mind u... but just by approaching them with a nice smile and good intentions drew them in i guess... if ya want any more help let me know ill give all the advise i can to a fellow engineer... hope i helped

[Asura]

hmm....

hate parties, same here.. hate drinking, same here...

the last time i was in a relationship, it started off as me being a friend to some lonely girl. I was lucky to be able to guess correctly what nick name her family would usually call her. But, being in relationship with a rather naive person kinda discomforting for me.. Yes, she offered me the 24/7 service. However, since i just don't feel right taking advantage over that naiveness of hers, i simply put an end to it after some good 5 months being together.
yes it hurts, but pursuing such thing would be immoral of me.

as for suggestion... forget clubs. try tutoring hall.. don't expect to start a fire w/o spending some time starting it.

[dragonz20]

Originally Posted by GungFuFury

sounds like u just dont get out much... i suggest u make some friends in ur classes who u know r social and hangout with them... try and be a lil more outgoing... what i noticed most about girls are that they like CONFIDENCE... thats key... usually if u just have enough nerve to talk to a girl theyll dig ya and if they dont... no sweat ya live ya learn doesnt hurt to try... u dont get anything from doing NOTHING... u wont be finding ANY girls by not talking to ANY... blind dates can be sooooo horrible when u both show no interest in eachother... brush up on ur conversation skills by talkin to more people... begin with introducing ur self and start from there...ive actually met a LOT of hotties at the gym and gotten their numbers and gone out with them... ones whom i thought were WAY outta my league mind u... but just by approaching them with a nice smile and good intentions drew them in i guess... if ya want any more help let me know ill give all the advise i can to a fellow engineer... hope i helped

GungFuFury is absolutely right. The key is definitely confidence and you can help yourself by doing a few things. As a fellow engineer, I absolutely understand where you are coming from.

#1: Be more outgoing - yes I know you don't like bars and clubs but it's where it's happening. your chances of meeting someone is very high there. iam not saying meeting strangers but the friends of your friends are a good start. you should make a few friends from your grad class and hang out w/ them. if you really want to meet someone, you must put yourself in a position to be seen by as many people as possible. schools, bars, clubs, hangouts, house parties.. whatever... And all sorts of people go there ~ even the shy smart ones (they're looking too u know). I am not saying you shouldn't goto other type of places like coffee houses, libraries and so on but don't restrict yourself.

#2: Attitude/Confidence - You must be confident (but not arrogant). Basically be yourself (as in be comfortable ~ like when you're with your close friends). It's actually difficult for many people and the best way to think is this: Show interest by being uninterested. If you see a hot girl, don't approach her as if you are chasing from the getco. Mentally approach her as if you want to make friends. If you're mind isn't so focused on catching her, you will relax and be more natural which should lead to a more charming personality and enhance your chances. And be friendly to EVERYONE! You may not be interested in a particular girl but she might have a friend you'll meet in the near future that you might like. You don't like to hang out w/ people that drink but maybe it's because you haven't hung out w/ people who are good drunks. I have several friends who don't drink but they'll hang out w/ us because it's a lot of fun and we don't ever force them to drink (we'll always suggest and poke 'em a bit though)...

#3: Develop social skills ~ I don't know if I can help you too much with this because it depends on the individual. At social scenes, you can't just always talk about yourself and your job. These are my recommendations:
a. Versatility - You have to be versatile and able to jump into any type of conversation. I read a lot and follow up on everything (ranging from world/US politics to sports to games to whatever...) I don't know everything(no one does) but I know enough of many things to bullshit my way into any conversation. It's one of my strengths. What you have to do is find out what you're good at and develop it into a useful tool for socializing.
b. Laughter - Not only am I good at bullshitting but I use it to make people laugh a lot too. If you can make people smile or laugh (not at yourself mind you) then you possess a very powerful socializing skill.
c. Listen - Pay attention in conversation. When talking to someone, don't just talk about yourself. Ask questions about the other person. But don't just ask "What's your name? What do you do? Where do you live?" One thing I enjoy doing is asking things about their job. I'll ask about the field and how it works and so on. It relaxes the other person because he/she will be talking to you about things they know. But pay close attention to what they say and catch things that you can use later on. note: Girls do like attentive guys. if she mentions that she liked broadway shows, note it down and later on when you become friends w/ her, ask her to goto a broadway show with u. it will show that you can listen and play attention (and girls LOVE attention!)

#4: Patience - Don't rush or force things. If the conversation is dying, then move on. They'll be others ~ trust me. And don't be surprised to find someone when you're not even looking (cause u're just having fun). Basically don't be so hung up on looking for the "one". Concentrate on making lots of good friends and someone you'll like will eventually fall on your lap.

hope this helps...

[p3psi]

my i suggest going to an all-girl graduate school? more girls, better odds....for a 3 some.

anyways, you need to be more funny, chicks dig funny. and one of the effects of alcohol, besides many other things, is that it makes you more funny by becoming an ass, and blurs women's judgement to make them think your funny, with antics such as drinking a cup of cigarets makes you the comedian!

eeeh, i hate drinking too as you can tell.

hmm, places? just go to places where you like to go and meet women there. Last time i checked, unless you go to a gay bar or something, there's usally girls everywhere. (um, i mean i didnt go out and check teh ghey bar myself...errr i mean, not that theres anything wrong with that, heh, )
this includes strip clubs and lingerie shows. but seriously, dont go out of your way to join like a quilt-knitting club or tupperware party or a baking class (im jk! men can do those things too. I dont need no pm box full of pre-deleted feminist spam)

[Vulkar]

Originally Posted by Roots

I hate coffee too.

so do I, but it didn't stop me from going to coffee shops. You know they sell other beverages there too, right? Often times you can get hot chocolate, milk, sometimes soda, iced tea, and all sorts of drinks.