Selector Infected Shadowverse: An Anime Suki Special!

[Triple_R]

Now with my latest update finally completed, it's also finally time for me to reply to some of the comments for both it (from Deikan) as well as the update before it.

Each of these have been put in spoiler space in order to save space.

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Mami Lives Chapter 5:

The Mami Romance chain seems to be taking its turn this time around as the chapter with mostly positive and lighthearted developments.

I'm glad you picked up on that. I'm going to try to avoid both Mami romance and Sayaka romance being entirely positive and lighthearted at the same time. By consistently having at least one of the two have serious conflict and drama, I think that'll make each Mami Lives update a bit more interesting. At the same time, though, some pure romance can be pleasant to read from time-to-time.

Sayaka's relationship with Kamijou appears to the progressing positively, though with no outright confession from Sayaka yet of course we can't be sure. However, now that Kamijou appears to be just as informed about the Puella Magi world as Madoka, I wonder if he himself might begin to play a more active and protagonistic role. I am not actually a fan of Kamijou, specifically, in particular, but that mentioned I do suppose I have to say that I feel that he was a somewhat underused and negatively portrayed character in the anime, such that I would be genuinely interested in seeing an interpretation of him as a more positive part of the story.

I agree, actually. As a big Sayaka fan, it's hard for me to be entirely sympathetic towards Kamijou, but I don't think he's an entirely bad or callous guy either. I think he has the potential to take on a more positive role in the story.

Aside from that, given the momentary lightheartedness I mentioned above in this section your comment about Madoka wondering for how long she can escape the concerns of the mahou shoujo world Mami and Sayaka are entrenched in was fairly interesting. One point where I will echo other posters' impressions on the issue of Hitomi is that this grieving process may have been a bit too fast. I think that the idea behind Mami's words is correct in that one should be willing to try moving on in life and not linger on negatives, but if Hitomi herself is forgotten after this point I may begin to feel sorry for her. Hopefully, after the refreshment Mami and Madoka plan to gain via their beach trip excursion, if no greater struggles or losses are encountered, then Madoka and Sayaka will at least take the time to look back and make a true tribute to the loss of one of their closest companions.

That's probably a good idea. I'll try to remember to factor that into a future Mami Lives Chapter.

Finally, referring to Mami's "meet the parents" sequence with Madoka, which played out pleasantly; I wonder how many people are aware of this bit of seiyuu trivia, but Mami and Tatsuya were played by the same VA (Kaori Mizuhashi). With this fact in mind, that actually added quite a bit of humour to their interactions.

I figured that it would. Glad you liked the humour there.

Onto the Sayaka Romance route, which I am properly located on. Even without that coincidence, this happened to be the most impressive thread to me, where you managed to pull out a conflict and threat to Madoka and Sayaka's relationship which was both unexpected but extremely sensible and believable. Furthermore, this chain seems to have also managed to become the one in which Kyuubey is most classically taking on his traditional role in the series--that is, subtly and nefariously pushing Madoka towards a contract. All in all, very solid development here, and I am in deep suspense over the future fate/actions of Madoka. You've left us on a fairly blatant cliffhanger, but I wonder if Madoka really will, at this point, become a magical girl.

You should know soon. I hope to get back to my more typical update pace soon.

One train of thought I am carrying over from my previous commentary on Madoka's romance with Mami is what are Homura's impressions on the present romantic developments with Sayaka. In Mami's case, I can see perhaps a more direct conflict popping up, what with Mami's casual characterization of Homura here as a bully. However, in Sayaka's case this time, we have a situation where externally it might seem like Madoka and Sayaka have both done exactly as Homura instructed them to, and heeded her advice with full grace. Not only that, but unlike with Mami in the other chain, Sayaka herself has always had a legitimately deep and stable bond with Madoka--something Homura would probably realize she could not replace, unlike (perhaps) Mami's whirlwind relationship with Madoka, which happened almost in a flash. So if Homura allowed herself to admit to feeling dissatisfied with Madoka's peaceful and ordinary happy life, together with Sayaka, while Homura fought desperately and was sacrificing herself to make it possible--it might cause a fierce internal conflict within her and force her to admit her romantic feelings and inner hopes/dreams.

Interesting points on Homura. It's probably true that I need to get Homura more involved in the Mami Lives side of the story. You've given me some good ideas to mull over in my head here, and they almost certainly will factor in to where I decide to take the story going forward. The basic plotline of Mami Lives/Mami Romance I now have plotted out right to the end, but there is a fair bit of wiggle room within that.

Finally, on the Madoka Standalone chain. I have to agree with Kogetsu, the "Curt Sayaka" section just makes Madoka's loneliness even worse. On one level, at least with the route where Madoka has begun to make a connection with Homura, I'm thinking "it's just two weeks". However, Kyuubey surely does know the way to worm his way into people's hearts. I'll be looking forward to developments on this front as well.

Heh, pretty long commentary this time. Hope you find it worthwhile. In any case, thanks for the chapter; good work .

I definitely found it worthwhile. Your feedback has consistently lead to me trying to be more complex and creative in how I play out various routes, chains, and special ends, and so your feedback has been invaluable there.

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Mami Lives Chapter 5:

Originally Posted by Coldlight

Good to know your past your writer's block, Triple_R. Apologies for the late reply, however, for certain distractions have been preventing me from making replies as of late.

I perfectly understand. For both you and Sol. My reply to your reply was much later in coming anyway.

Thank you for incorporating my suggestion. I noticed one thing, however.

In this line
Does this really mean what it says (to weaken), or should it be "to halt her attack"?

Thanks for the correction. I'll try to remember to fix that soon.

Although sometimes, situations and suggestions like this make me pause and think things like, "Am I interfering/meddling too much?", and so sometimes I feel like I've become some sort of editor-reader. Are you okay with me making these kinds of suggestions?

Don't worry, I'm completely Ok with it. All of the people who have recently wrote replies to one or more of my fanfic chapters have helped to shape where I've went with the story. It can be tricky to balance out what each of my readers wants to see in this story, but I think that making an effort to do likely improves the final work.

Sol helps ensure that I rarely, if ever, take the easy (and likely less interesting) way out. You ensure that I get Sayaka and Kyubey right, and that I don't go too far out-of-line with established Madoka Magica lore. Kogetsu (largely in private chats) is very helpful to me in rounding things into shape and in making good, tough decisions. Dr. Casey and night_sentinel both remind me of the importance of special little touches and simply having fun with the characters and the scenarios involved. And Deikan and Kimidori makes sure I never forget that this is supposed to be a VN-based fanfic, so the romances themselves ought to be good, comprehensive, and enjoyable.

Of course each of you does more than just that, but I would say that this is the key impact that each of you have had on my fanfic.

That's good to know. I had always thought that behind Sayaka's playful, energetic exterior lay a more mature, sharp and deeply caring girl.

I completely agree. Well, except even I must admit that Sayaka is a bit impulsive at times, but that's one of the more forgivable character flaws, imo.

While I stand by my objection to her seemingly malicious behavior unbecoming of an "ally of justice", I will respect your authority as the author. I think I'll just let it slide this time and chalk it up to Sayaka momentarily succumbing to the stress of battle with another magical girl.

Works for me.

Mami Lives, Mami Route:

Spoiler for Mami Route:

At first, I thought it was really inappropriate for Madoka to go to a fun beach outing so soon (why, the funeral was just yesterday!) but that's exactly Mami's point. She wanted Madoka to forget about the recent tragedy. To me it does seem to undermine a bit her statement about honoring the passing of friends, however.

Everything went rather smoothly for Mami and Madoka's family. Not a problem given that Madoka's parents are assumed to have quite open-minded and liberal viewpoints, even in canon itself. It's a shame Mr. Tomohisa Kaname didn't have an actual line there, though. I wanted to know his personal take on his daughter's relationship as he is Madoka's father after all.

I suspect that Rosso Fantasma bit with Mami and Tatsuya is some sort of foreshadowing about Kyouko... perhaps heralding her appearance here soon?

I'll try to make a point to give Mr. Tomohisa Kaname more lines in the future. I liked him well-enough in the anime, but I have to admit I found Junko the much more interesting character. Mind you, that's probably due to how the Junko/Madoka mother/daughter relationship was given much more screen-time than what Madoka and her dad had.

Mami Lives, Sayaka Route:

Spoiler for Sayaka Route:

Back to my actual route. I see Kyuubey watering the seeds of doubt in Madoka. I approve of just how opportunistic and inconvenient (to Madoka) his timing is. As this is from Madoka's point of view, you have made a good job making Madoka's worries (with Kyuubey's invaluable ...assistance) about Sayaka seem very convincing, given that in this section, to Madoka, Sayaka still seems to be wavering a bit over her feelings. I have faith in Sayaka, though. Also, given that Sayaka's parents have been established in the fanfic to be quite conservative ones, she's handling them quite well.

I'm glad you approve of my handling of Kyubey and Sayaka here.

Spoiler:

I have a couple of minor concerns regarding the "Japanese Express" card that Sayaka used, however. First, I do hope that card is really hers. Honesty issues aside, I don't know about policies in other countries, but over here you can't get a credit card without a steady, independent source of income (i.e. employment). Not to mention that Sayaka is a 14-year old girl, and I don't think 14-year olds can easily get credit cards (if they can in the first place, as some other countries seem to disallow credit cards for those under 18).

Well, keep in mind that in my fanfic we're talking about the Japan of 2060-2065. By then, a lot of laws may have changed, such as what age/employment status a Japanese person would need to have in order to own a credit card.

Don't worry, I'm not going to write Sayaka as somebody who would steal her parent's credit card, and run it up recklessly.

Madoka's new outfit in that picture looks great. Good choice.

Glad you liked it!

Mami Lives, Foreveralone Temporarily Single Route:

Spoiler for Alone Route:

Seems to be the lonely path with a bad end waiting at the end of the dark tunnel. There is a different ending aside from a bad ending waiting at the end of this route, right? Then again, such bad end tracked routes are supposedly common in some VNs...

Well, don't forget that Homura is still out there. But should Madoka not end up with her...

Thanks for the latest update. It is very much appreciated.

Links to the previous chapters located in the first line is a great idea. My thanks also to Sol for the great suggestion.

Thanks a lot for the great feedback and support!

Spoiler for Dr. Casey, on loads of chapters. ;):

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

Late reply here again; I've been tired lately, and my grandmother's been a handful to take care of.

I hope that you and your grandmother are doing well now.

Off we go then. Mami Lives 4 was a good read right from the start, with the sense of tension between Madoka, Mami, and Sayaka delightfully thick, quickly defused though it might have been. Madoka was so hurt over Mami's words that it does make me wonder what kind of drama waits in their future; they've had a great relationship so far, though I guess that with romance there's always some crushing lows to accompany the dizzying heights (The latter of which is pretty much all Madoka and Mami have been fortunate enough to experience so far).

I'm glad you liked Mami Lives 4. Hhmmm... between your advice and Sol's, I'm starting to develop an idea of how to spice up Madoka/Mami a bit. If I go with that, I hope you and Sol will both like it.

"Into this tense atmosphere, came a voice which had such a contrasting enthusiasm to it that it was hard not feel the nasty clash of moods" is also a very good representation of Kyubey's character, and almost a single sentence summary of why he's such an effective villain.

Thanks a lot!

Kyubey doesn't show any sense of malice or hatred, and some of his actions are so perplexing that they seem completely incomprehensible to human rationale or nature (Such as granting the wishes of Homura and Madoka even though he doesn't seem to be under any real obligation to do, and even though it undermines his greatest mission in life). It's as though he takes away your ability to hate him because his mind and nature are so foreign to a human's, you just know that he's dangerous and want him gone. It's a very unsettling feeling, and why I think Kyubey is one of the creepiest and most original villains ever.

Agreed.

I'm not applicable for choice M2 because I'm a bad puella magi and let Mami die, but I would have chosen M2C if I could. The idea of a magical girl trio sounds very fun and interesting to me, and I would be scared of alienating myself from Sayaka and Mami with M2A (Though since it turns out that the story ends there anyway via an Opportunity Choice, it wouldn't really matter whether I lost Affection Points or not). I like the line 'Our love blossomed like the flowers we both care for in the Gardening club.' ^^ I wish that the club was featured in the anime... the idea of Madoka being part of a gardening club has appealed to me since first reading the questionnaire, it would be nice to see it included in the story a time or two more.

I'm glad you approve of me using the Gardening Club in my story. Those Madoka 100 Questions really did make for a good read, and great material for this fanfic to work off of. Who knows, maybe I'll even have Madoka singing Enka music before this story is all said and done!

The Opportunity Choices once again prove to be some of my favorite parts of the story; I loved M2A and think it could easily be expanded into a story all its own. (Kimidori should make Visual Novels out of all the Opportunity Choice endings )

Once I get the "main" fanfic done, I might later go back and lengthen the various opportunity choice endings (maybe in time for Kimidori's VN). You're right that some of them could become stories unto themselves.

Madoka falling into a depression for the rest of her school years reminded me of Nanaka, the main heroine from Myself;Yourself. Dunno if you've watched that or not, but it's one of my favorite shows and I'd definitely recommend it.

I watched some of Myself;Yourself but I never stuck with it. It made me think of True Tears and School Days, so I can see why you liked it. If I do pick it back up, I'll tell you about it.

Since you've been expanding on some of the scenes from the story, such as Madoka's seducing of Sayaka in the harem ending, one scene I'd really like to see written out would be Madoka's fight with Hitomi in M2C over the one day ultimatum. It would be a great read to see Madoka and Hitomi come to blows; but only if you want to, of course.

Almost anything's possible with the guy that now has Madoka punching people's noses. Over in Main Canon chain, I might give the reader an option to go confront Hitomi on Sayaka's behalf. If I go for that, I'll write out the confrontation between them.

And I would have gone for Choice M3B, of course; who wants to go the boring route and try to maintain the peace? Stirring the pot is always the best choice.

lol!

Next comes some more Madoka/Sayaka romance, hell yeah. Madoka sexclaiming squeaking 'Yes!' whenever Sayaka tried to strike up conversation was cute...

Sexclaiming has become the meme of my fanfic. I'm so proud! I'm going to have to come up for an actual meaning for the hilarious typo word so I'll be able to use it correctly in the future.

Madoka has a nice voice (The 'I'm Kaname Madoka' from episode 9 when she introduces herself to Kyoko always struck me as nothing short of angelic).

You motivated me to re-watch that bit, and you're right, it is nothing short of angelic. It really captures the great friendliness and pleasantness of Madoka's personality and voice.

Healing Hurts does indeed hurt. ._. Their relationship is certainly strained here, and Sayaka reacts even worse to Madoka's presence in the 'Madoka Stands Alone' chain later on. There was a nice quote from UrbanDictionary that says 'Let's just be friends' is kind of like if your mom said 'The dog is dead, but you can keep him anyway.' Seems Sayaka would somewhat agree with that. But since the pain of unrequited love is always fun to read about, I'm glad to see Sayaka in this sort of situation with Madoka. Sorry Coldlight >_>

One thing I like doing with the Madoka/Sayaka relationship is showing how very fluid it is, and how a couple choices can dramatically impact it (either for the better, or for the worse). I view Madoka and Sayaka as quite close and very faithful friends, but also as high-emotion people that can get caught up in the heat of the moment. It makes for great potential drama, imo!

I checked out some future calendars at timeanddate.com, by the way and if the series is supposed to take place about 45-55 years in the future, then it could take place during 2061 or 2067 (Since those are the only years in that range that line up with the calendar displayed in the anime). Just in case you ever want to pin a definitive date on the story.

Thank you for that! I'll probably go with 2061 specifically then.

Hmm... "For one thing, it seemed like their Soul Gems were always clean even when they'd go weeks without capturing Grief Seeds! It was quite mysterious..." Awesome.

Glad you found that bit cool and funny.

I know that I'd be curious if I came across this ending in the VN... seriously doubt I'd be able to get the answer.

Excellent. So for anybody who encounters this for the first time in VN format, they'll want to reply the VN right away to try to find out what might be going on here, lol.

I chose 12B because it's such a horribly awful, wrongminded thing to say, and I wanted to see the inevitable shitstorm. Luckily for Madoka, Sayaka's still sane at this point and things are able to be smoothed over, ugly though the mood might have been. Kyoko was cool in Choice 12C, and the fact that Madoka's words struck such a nerve is an interesting bit of characterization, showcasing that she's quite vulnerable despite her harsh exterior;

One thing I noticed while rewatching Madoka Magica Episode 5 is how Kyouko became significantly pissed off from Sayaka name-dropping Mami while making a point against Kyouko. I think that shows how Mami remains a sore spot for Kyouko, a person signifying to Kyouko a difficult blend of admiration, lost friendship, and bitter disagreement. The Kyouko/Mami relationship really is pretty interesting. I hope that the Madoka Magica movies might explore it a bit more thoroughly.

And I'm curious, what parts of Sayaka's outfit are reminiscent of medieval Europe, and which parts come from 1900s America? (Not sure if that means the whole of the 20th century, or the decade of 1900-1909)

Kogetsu covers this. "Capes" immediately make me think "Superheroes". Sayaka being "lawful good" just adds immensely to that impression.

... and in the next chapter, of course, comes the long-awaited harem ending. The idea of purifying Soul Gems through sex is a nice idea, and is actually very appropriate and makes a great deal of sense because that sort of intimacy does clean the soul like nothing else does. (Or so I've heard anyway)

Yeah, I also think it makes a lot of sense. I'm glad it works for you.

I also thinks the ending is a lot more than just halfway-plausible and that Madoka and Mami are perfectly in-character here; though I'm sure that Madoka would be a very faithful and loving girlfriend, I can't imagine her letting Sayaka turn into a witch just to avoid committing infidelity.

That's what it came down to for me as well.

The line "The weight of the situation would often seem unbearable, but that weight would regularly be alleviated through a night of passion with one lover or another" was hot as hell, by the way. Madoka's nothing short of a nympho in this story. ^^;

lol!

And I like that she didn't really have any excuse or justification to have an affair with Homura, it's just straight-up cheating. Madoka being a Harem Queen is a lot hotter than Makoto being a Harem King ever was.

Plus Madoka also knows how to get away with it. Although I will reveal to you that one of my "Deleted Scenes" (coming after the main fanfic is through) involves a nice boat...

The Homura/Sayaka chain is really interesting; it's a very nice treat and bonus because it's the chain that's furthest removed from the anime's narrative (Thereby placing the characters in the most unique and foreign situations, which is a good way to explore different sides of Madoka and her puella magi friends), and Jinnai makes for an awesome villain. Jinnai became a puella magi in the mid 1990s, eh... since Kyubey primarily contracts with early teenagers it sounds like he's closer to your age than mine, though it's still an interesting link to the present in a story that takes place in the somewhat distant future.

Yeah, he's about my age. I also felt Jinnai's character would provide a good link to the present given the distant future setting for the story. And the anime villain he's heavily inspired by is also an awesome villain, imo, so I'm glad I'm managing to capture that.

The Tsubasa song 'Sacrifice' sets the mood nicely; I'm looking forward to the rest of this story branch. Love the quote 'Demented dark-haired mistress', by the way

Thanks a lot!

"And from a practical standpoint, it was probably best if I did accompany Sayaka on such hospital visits just to make sure her romantic feelings for him wouldn't crop back up after visiting him." Hehe. Between this and not wanting to share Mami in the Endless Love ending, Madoka's a surprisingly possessive and jealous girlfriend. I like that.

I honestly do think she'd be a possessive girlfriend. Again, I think it reflects her high emotionality.

And what's Rosso Fantasma, out of curiosity?

Kogetsu also covered this.

Aww... I loved the romance in the Sayaka Romance Chain. Sayaka's response to Madoka's insecurity over whether she was still torn between Kamijou and herself was perfect. ... damn, Sayaka being so romantic and loyal makes me feel guilty for cheating on her so much in Endless Love. ;_;

Ha ha ha! I sincerely think that Sayaka would be the perfect girlfriend for any old-fashioned romantic... which I think Madoka is. That's partly why I enjoy writing Sayaka/Madoka as a romantic pair.

Poor, poor Sayaka. The way you've been writing Kyubey recently is really nice, with the 'From my observation, humans tends to think this and do that' dialogue. The cliffhanger at the end of the Sayaka Chain is a bitch, and I'm eager to see future portions of the Madoka Stands Alone chain as well, since Sayaka is so much more pointedly cold to Madoka here than she is in Mami Lives.

A broken heart can be a fearsome thing. But then, I doubt I need to say that to a big School Days fan.

That about covers my thoughts up to this point.

Excellent reply. It made a fun read!

The story rules, don't stop until you're 90

Well, that would take me just beyond the time that this story is taking place in, so that might be fitting, lol. In all seriousness, thanks a lot for the support! ^_^

Spoiler for Deikan, on Chapter 12:

Originally Posted by Deikan

Glad to see you again with some summaries Triple R. I read them and they're great as always.

Thanks a lot!

For the Canon route I'm amazed you've focused more on Sayaka's change in personality during the three choice selections given. In the first one she was apologetic, the second spiteful, and the final one understanding. I liked out each outcome sort of gave Madoka a realization of Sayaka's new life and change in personality like in the anime continuity itself. It makes sense because magical girls fighting each other and watching one's friend changing into someone different to the point where it's horrifying, is too much to take for Madoka, who's emotionally fragile.

Agreed.

Spoiler for True Canon Couple Thoughts:

As for the true canon route the Sayaka and Kyoko romance is definitely the way to go considering that there encounter with each other was like "love at first fight" kind of scenario. This is quite logical because they're both tomboyish and have competitive personalities. Kyoko's methods of witch handling are more harsh and risky while Sayaka tends to be safe and rational. Well as they say: when two people fight, they really care about each other !!

Homura getting the romance with Madoka really was touching because she succeeded in changing her fate and getting her love in the end. To be honest I was happy for Homura and at the same time crushed considering that if Mami didn't die I'm sure that she and Madoka would've been together canon wise. Mami's death in the anime really hurts and pisses me off to this day, and makes me depressed when forums or people reference it.

One thing I really do hope to see in the Madoka Magica movies is more of Mami. While I can understand why Gen had her die in Episode 3, it's also true that Mami is an excellent character, and really deserves to get more chances to shine and develop in any future Madoka Magica anime material.

All of that being said, I'm glad that my canon couples ending worked for you. Homura/Madoka is the main canon pairing for good reason, I think, and you summed up nicely why Sayaka/Kyouko works nicely with just a key moment or two to push it along.

The Alliance Chain was really creative and funny. I spent the whole few minutes reading it, laughing. I don't know if it's intentional but I got a good laugh and eyebrow raising moments coming from me. Phenomenal job on this chain, you rock as always.

Thanks a lot! Well, the main villain for this is based off of a villain that's half-comedic/half-serious, so some of the comedy is intentional (the way Madoka fought back against Jinnai is indeed intended to make for a funny mental image ). My hope with the Alliance Chain for Chapter 12 is that between the bits of drama, the bits of comedy, the bits of action, and the bits of simple fast-paced fun (hopefully), that each reader will find at least something about it that works for him or her.

With you, it's clearly the comedy, and that's great.

Grading time:

Spoiler for Score:

9/10 for the scenarios, endings, following the anime logic splendidly, and the I'm not so sure but hilarious chain. The negative thing was the Mami not being there, it'll still continue to hurt and piss me off. Sorry if I sound pathetic.

It's fine. I myself enjoy writing Mami Lives more than I do the Canon Chain.

Spoiler for Advice:

For the next upcoming scenarios, try telling the summaries from the other girls perspective from time to time. I read many first person light novels and they do this from time to time. For example for Madoka x Mami or Sayaka (I'm sure Kyoko and Homura) scenarios, give them a part of the story and share their thoughts and feelings regarding Magical Girls, each other, and the scenery etc.

That's good advice. Thank you for it! There definitely will be some future scenes like this (for example, Sayaka's confrontation with Kyouko in the Canon Chain - that can't be cut out, and some of it will have to be told from the perspective of one girl or the other or both).

But aside from those scenes alone, I might try to use more multiple voice anyway. There will be at least a scene or two that I will write from Mami's perspective, don't worry about that. I'm honestly looking forward to trying my hand at Mami narration in the neat future.

Can't wait for the Mami x Madoka beach trip!! Keep up the phenomenal job as always, I'll be waiting.

Thanks a lot! Beach time is almost here!

[Sol Falling]

Originally Posted by Triple_R

Chapter 12

Great chapter, and glad to see you updating again. You've offered quite a number of fascinating developments with Sayaka this time, and the Emperor Jinnai/Homura and Sayaka alliance chain is turning out to be very dynamic and exciting.

First, to cover the both the canon storyline and the Canon Couples ending: on the thread in general, it continues to be engaging re-experience of the original story, with some pleasing deeper insight into Madoka's personal thoughts. I was also surprised to run across the Canon Couples ending here, which actually turned out to be one of the happiest or most satisfying I could imagine for this story--minus simply the death of Mami, of course. One thing which I found interesting was that the requirement for this ending required a mere +1 affection level with Sayaka, otherwise rewarding readers/players who would have stuck very closely to the original sequence of events in the story. I know if I had played this far into the game while remaining on the canon plotline, I would probably have qualified for this ending and been very happy that I did.

Onto the other threads of Sayaka-centric development. The developments following the results of 12B (Making Amends) are extremely fascinating, a definite setback/strain on Sayaka and Madoka's relationship after what Madoka did. Back in the immediate aftermath of 12B, I did feel Madoka had stepped over the line in making such a presumptuous declaration in place of Sayaka, so this was yet another well-executed logical but unexpected development. Sayaka has essentially told Madoka to butt out here regarding her Puella Magi life/decisions, but I wonder how well she'll be able to really handle the conflict with Kyouko on her lonesome. Beyond that, Madoka in this thread has shown herself to be overtly focused on Sayaka's safety as a first priority, so I wonder to what degree she'll really be able to respect the promise she's just made if/when she gets wind of more dangerous activities on the part of Sayaka in the future. Although at this point, such intervention would likely only make her relationship with Sayaka even worse, I wonder if Madoka will feel like she has a choice or would be able to help herself.

The Thankful Sayaka route is interesting because while it seems to be the closest we are currently getting to a Sayaka x Madoka route on the Mami dies side of the storyline, it's also the one in which Sayaka's reckless and impulsive nature seem to put her most at risk. While I certainly hope there will be some way for them to come out in this route safely, Sayaka's exuberance in this plotline presently almost reminds me of Mami in episode 3. This feeling this route currently gives me is sort of like plunging full speed ahead without any brakes, with Sayaka having entered full battle mode against Kyouko/other Puella Magi and Madoka's full support. Although I'm full of uncertainty about whether things will be able to turn out happily, it makes for a very interesting thread.

Finally, the Emperor Jinnai section was so exciting that it actually almost felt too short. I'm impressed with the extent of Jinnai's abilities such that even Homura's timestop abilities have to come into play. It seems like this route is much more action/battle oriented compared to the others, which have romance, but this bit of something different makes these Mami dies chapters also a very engaging read. Two thoughts which are sitting in my head regarding this plotline: 1) having already established an alliance, will Sayaka/Madoka/Homura be able to bring in Kyouko? and 2) with Homura's timeline reset as a last resort/ultimate weapon, what will she think about this timeline's events.

Actually, thinking about it now, compared to Homura's timelooping abilities Madoka's skills (when she's a normal magical girl) seem somewhat plain. Although her massive firepower capable of singlehandedly taking on Walpurgisnacht (lol, sorta making Madoka the "tank" of their current party) is certainly important, with Jinnai seemingly able to rival the sheer amount of Madoka's energy, Homura's more unique skills seem more key. Although I would be perfectly happy if this timeline focused a bit more on Homura, I also wonder if you have any plans for any (with potentially either minor or major impacts on the storyline) secondary abilities Madoka might have gained as a result of her wish.

Good work on the chapter! I'll be looking forward to the next.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

And now for the aftermath of the first encounter with the "villainess" in red...

Spoiler for Canon Route:

Spoiler for Canon Meeting:

It seems I really have absolutely no business at all with trying to be in Canon seriously, as in addition to getting two completely different bonus ends already by this point, deciding to blatantly cheat fix Choice 9 to match Alliance(as I only went with B in Canon because I wanted the two to be different) in order to qualify for the HomuMeeting that allows this in the first place... still results in me getting caught in one, because I really can't help myself when it comes to some of these choices.

Honestly, I've always felt Madoka truly wanted to set things straight with Sayaka. I think you've made it pretty clear why she didn't, but I still wanted to give her the nudge she needed... and from the looks of things, it seems wanting to be Sayaka's wife may just be that nudge, seeing as that's the only Sayaka point available for someone getting here who didn't score 2 Mami points along the way.

Um, anyway... seeing things go somewhat badly between Sayaka and Madoka (which is entirely understandable, for the record) was largely alleviated by the end result of Sayaka meeting with Homura and Kyoko. Seems with a level head, things can go so much smoother...

It's also rather nice to finally have an answer to a question that's been bugging me for a while about these ends... I've been rather curious as to what's been stopping Sayaka from confessing to Kamijo without there being any implication that she knows the truth about Soul Gems... from how I'm interpreting this, it seems she's just uncomfortable actually going through with it. Maybe she thinks it's the guy's job to do that?

And just out of curiousity... were Sayaka's burns a reference to what happened to Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight? I mean, with all the Batman references going on, I figured I had to ask.

Anyway, I suppose the ending itself is the part I should really be focusing on... barring possibly the amusingly named "Sol Falling" end I had to give up in order to continue really-real Canon route, this has got to be the happiest end yet. While not everyone got through it completely unscathed, this is probably the best possible outcome for everyone, with the loss of Mami being the sole exception.

... Yeah, if I were seriously trying to stick to canon, this would probably be where I'd just give up and stick with what I got. No more cheating repairing choices from me, honest!

Also, I'd like to point out that the music chosen for this section actually did a good job of matching up with the parts I was on... even though it kinda kept going about 30 seconds after I finished reading.



One last thing... while I haven't really focused too much on, well, what was actually in the series, I think you did a pretty good job of capturing the mood Sayaka was in at this point... man, Kyoko really rubbed her the wrong way... which you've also made abundantly clear in the following section...

Spoiler for Making Amends:

This section's not exactly pleasant to read, for obvious reasons.

Madoka trying to forget about Sayaka's life as a Puella Magi... that... probably isn't a good idea... I mean, it's nice that they're at least trying to remain friends, but... eesh... I really don't think this is going to end well for Sayaka.

Bah, sorry I can't say much about this one... it wasn't exactly something I felt overly comfortable reading, obviously, so that kinda makes it hard to talk about. I do feel I have to praise you for accomplishing that, of course. I'd imagine it's kinda hard to write something so well it actually leaves a reader feeling guilty when they haven't even done anything.

Spoiler for Thankful Sayaka:

This section, on the other hand, is oddly reminiscent of the Mami Lives! side of things in terms of mood... Not quite sure why that is.

Er, right. The interaction between Sayaka and Madoka at the start was cute. Also, I'm a bit interested in Sayaka's insistence that Madoka's intervention was a key factor in Kyoko's defeat, as well as hunting down the familiar. Wonder what that's about...

While I failed to mention it the last time, I do like how you're including the witches from Episode 10(or at least the birdcage one). And I'm also liking the inclusion of Sayaka's whip-like sword... wonder where she picked up the idea for trying it here, though. Hm... well, I suppose she is wearing a lot of blue, after all...

Sayaka's showing off at the end was rather appropriate for her overall personality... and I'm quite interested in whether or not Madoka was right about her guess...

Anyway, much like Madoka, I am a little worried Sayaka may be overdoing things a bit. Of course, her burning out may not be a problem, as she does have multiple Grief Seeds to work with at the moment... assuming she thought to pick up the one from the last witch.

All in all, an interesting turn of events for Canon route in this update... I just hope I don't blow things here with my decision of... er... actually sticking with my choice to provoke a certain redhead.

... Following that, a scene involving a green-haired Emperor.

Spoiler for Alliance:

And this side starts with a bang! Well, an explosion of green flames that apparently don't burn, technically, but you know what I mean.

(Also, I love the image used at the start. Quite the face-off picture.)

The initial fight sequence was great, albeit slightly brief... Jinnai's inherent defensive ability seems to be quite an obstacle to overcome, though I suppose someone who has conquered entire worlds before should really be expected to have something along those lines.

As such, it seems natural he'd have enough confidence to rely not on magical powers, but sheer brute force when dealing with someone who seemingly only has magical arrows as a weapon, and with that confidence comes boasting. Of course, that cost him, as he not only got thrown through the air by a little girl in a frilly pink dress, but said girl punched him off the roof in what I assume was an homage to that smash fighter thing.

As a result, Madoka was able to also save Homura... whose time stopping powers proved most helpful in returning the favor, so to speak, as the Emperor didn't stay down for long. I really have to applaud you on his dialogue, for the record.

Erm, anyway. After that intense opening were a few moments for Sayaka and Homura to get brought up to speed... poor Homura, guess she failed to keep her promise...

Meanwhile, it seems as though Jinnai noticed the distinct lack of bodies, as now there are mechanical insects scouring the halls. Cliffhangers, you are most definitely a pain at times...

Anyway... another great update. Looking forward to the next.

[Coldlight]

Great to see some updates and replies again.

Chapter 12: Canon Route Chain

Spoiler for Canon Meeting, OC7B:

With a stern expression to Madoka that she will only accept one chance, one can see how Sayaka has prepared herself mentally at this point for future conflict with other magical girls. She doesn't look forward to fighting them, but has come close to accepting that kind of conflict as inevitable. To me, it is quite believable that with such mental preparation underway, it would be hard for her to simply let go of it all at the drop of a hat.

In the end, with OC7B, Madoka acting on what was a critical mistake in the anime allowed for diplomacy, and cooler heads to prevail. I agree that Homura would be quite stunned by such an encounter with Sayaka, as in prior experiences with Sayaka in the other known timelines there was no precedent for this happening.

I can definitely see the sly Kyuubey making such a suggestion over here regarding the "need for a fourth magical girl to ensure definite victory". On the surface, it makes sense against such a powerful enemy and is also emotionally appealing to help one's friends. However, when Madoka's magical potential of divine proportions is taken into account, one can see that it is a convenient pretext with the ulterior motive of ultimately gaining access to her off-the-charts power.

Spoiler for a long objection to Sayaka's convalescence:

The aftermath of Sayaka's act of heroism saving Kyouko from that attack seems to be on shaky ground to me, though. While the act itself was unquestionably selfless, heroic and something that she might do for the important people in her life, her stay for a long time in the hospital seems unnecessary from my point of view. One of Sayaka's best known abilities is her fast and effective regeneration, after all. I don't think even such burns would cause her to enter a long period of convalescence, given there is enough magical power available, something which Kyouko has plenty in supply. It might only take 1-2 days at most for her to heal completely.

In this respect, I make a suggestion of, why not reverse Sayaka and Kyouko's parts here instead, so that Kyouko is the one who gets injured to save Sayaka. To avoid making it appear Kyouko is the dominant, chivalrous partner in their growing relationship (which I know you really dislike), it should also follow that her action was the result of Sayaka, overcome with emotional desire to save her loved ones from harm, and also from relative lack of experience, was fighting too recklessly.

Given that Kyouko is a hardened combat veteran, it's less likely for her to make frequent, careless mistakes that would cause her to get easily and seriously hurt in battle, as demonstrated by the way with which she initially fought off Oktavia's multiple attacks in Episode 9, and the fact that unlike her final fight with Oktavia, with Homura and Sayaka with her, Kyouko isn't the only target here, making it easier to dodge attacks. Thus, it would be less believable that Kyouko, who would have faster reflexes from experience, would be the one to get caught by surprise, necessitating Sayaka to save her. She'll only get seriously hurt if she were trying to protect somebody, (like Madoka in Ep. 9), if she were distracted enough (but there's nobody on Walpurgis Night's side to taunt/talk to distract Kyouko sufficiently), or if she gets carried away showing off (like Mami in eps. 2 and 3, but Kyouko isn't the type to take form over function).

Having Kyouko as the one in the hospital would also achieve several things. One, because she only has the basic, slower magical healing that all magical girls have, she will have that long convalescence period you wrote in the hospital. Two, with Kyouko as the one being taken care of, she is not in a position to appear to be the more dominant one in their relationship. Three, performing this act of heroism would also demonstrate Kyouko's reawakening to her old ideals that she shared with (and eventually caused her to like) Sayaka. Lastly, this will also serve as an opportunity for Sayaka to practice healing (also reciprocating Kyouko's feelings in the process), applying some of her healing abilites on others, assuming she may learn it as a skill. Because she has not mastered healing others yet, it won't cause Kyouko to get released too early as well.

I have to agree with the discreetness of their going out on double dates. Nobody would suspect a thing, and even if they weren't being discreet, many people in Japan try to avoid gawking at strangers and lovey-dovey couples, anyway. Objections aside, this would be a great ending for me, had I followed this path. Very close to my ideal one.

A short, but sweet yuri ending. With all the pairings that I approve of (yes, I support the canon ships). ✔

Images

Double Date, minus Mami :(

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Spoiler for Making Amends:

Their relationship as friends has taken a big step back there. Understandable, considering the humiliating loss of face and retreat from her convictions that Sayaka had to endure from Madoka's previous capitulation and appeasement of Kyouko. While Madoka originally provided emotional support, if at this rate she was doing more damage to Sayaka's cause than supporting it, then in this case it is reasonable for Sayaka to decide on just going it alone.

As for immediate hopes of further reconciliation, I cannot imagine it happening so easily now. Dark clouds seem to be forming on the horizon...

Spoiler for Thankful Sayaka:

The opposite of Making Amends. Sayaka is grateful to Madoka for her (unintentional) assist that caused her to land the winning strike on Kyouko. Her new found fondness for battle is a definitely dangerous development here, and going a bit further from what Sol mentioned, actually reminiscent of Mami's own (fatal) experience. In fact, to me, Sayaka's slowly starting to resemble Mami with her attitude now. I don't know if it's intentional on your part, but that's how I'm seeing this development.

I see you've incorporated here Sayaka's previously unused "secret Schlangenform technique" that I mentioned to you before. Did she learn it from Kyouko the way she apparently learned the multiple weapons technique from Mami, by observation?

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain

Spoiler for Alliance Chain:

That was some nice action that gave me the "final boss fight" vibes, even though it's still possible that they still have Walpurgis Night to confront after this (or maybe not). Still a battle worthy of comparison to big boss fights in many games, with appropriately rousing music.

I presume it was due to his arrogance that Jinnai allowed the unconscious Homura, with her dangerous abilities, to be lightly guarded and thus easily rescued by Madoka. A critical mistake on his part to not have armed Homura's guards the way they threatened Sayaka before.

One problem for them I see now is that although her wish didn't cause Jinnai to become stronger, him being the new ruler of the world means he'd have access to the forces of every nation on earth. This means that Madoka and company would have to finish this battle soon before he calls in some reinforcements. Or an event that reverses what has been done by her wish happens. Fortunately, with Homura's magic, time is on their side, whereas normally, time would be on Jinnai's side without her abilities.

Now that the big battle has begun in earnest, I can see this arc ending in 1-2 chapters, and depending on possible enemies to face after Jinnai, possibly this chain as well.

Thank you for updating as soon as you were able to, Triple_R. I hope your issues have been resolved for you to be updating us now. That was a really nice read, and for the most part, I liked the surprise OC7B ending.

■■■■■

Originally Posted by Kimidori

just done with Homura Sprite, what do you think? next is Sayaka

Images

Big image

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Good. As with Madoka, the colors are correct. Homura's hair color is a good choice, but might seem a bit too solid. Suggestions include a subtle shading/gradient (not sure what to call it) like with Madoka, to represent that lighting/"hair shine" you see on anime-style art.

Since you're not in charge of drawing the art but only with coloring, it may be beyond you to do something about the minor issue of their relatively thin necks. If it can't be done, then it can't be helped. Anyway, excited to see Sayaka next!

[Triple_R]

Mami Lives Chapter 6
Mami Romance Chain

“Have a good time at Shirahama Beach!”

That's what Sayaka shouted to Mami and I as the two of us began boarding the super-high speed bullet train heading for the resort town of Shirahama! It was now 4 PM on Friday afternoon.


If you chose B for Choice M3, read Section Sayonara from the Violinist. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Sayonara from the Violinist:

Sayaka and Kyousuke Kamijo had both accompanied Mami and I to the bullet train, in order to see us off and wish us well. Sayaka might not have confessed to Kamijo, but it was clear that they were now on very friendly terms! Beyond that, Kamijo seemed to admire both Sayaka and Mami for being Puella Magi “heroes”. At Kamijo's insistence, Sayaka had introduced him to Mami during his first day back to school. Mami later told me how flattered she felt by Kamijo addressing her as “Sayaka's Dai-Sensei”, as well as by him showing her a lot of politeness and respect in general.

I wasn't sure if Sayaka had informed Kamijo of the sort of relationship I now have with Mami, but if Sayaka has told him that, it doesn't seem to have changed his view on either of us. That would be a slight relief to me, especially if Sayaka and Kamijo become increasingly close to one another.

With Sayaka seeing Mami and I off, and cheerfully waving goodbye to us, I started to feel an almost paradoxical mixture of relief and excitement. Relief that the long school week, and all of the preparations for this most special trip, were finally behind Mami and I. And excitement over the trip itself of course!


I could tell that Madoka was as excited about this beach trip as I was. While that was only what I had expected, I still found it a refreshing relief. This is since she appeared to not be worried at all over taking her first long trip out of Mitakihara Town that wasn't part of a family vacation, or as part of an official school outing. I hope this means that she completely trusts me, as I've come to have complete trust in her. If she does completely trust me, I'll have to make sure to honour and reward her trust as best as I'm able to.

It has been so long since I went on anything even remotely like a vacation. It has also been so long since a person has meant as much to me as what Madoka now does. She has brought so much health, hope, and happiness into my life. It's amazing to think of how much my life has changed since I first met her less than two weeks ago. These joyous thoughts soared through my head, while I gazed out the passenger window at the typically pleasant, and at times even majestic, scenery all about the train. It felt like my very spirit was being refilled from leaving the elegant but tight confines of Mitakihara City in order to reacquaint myself with nature. But what was particularly helpful to my overall well-being was now having my irreplaceable girlfriend Madoka in my life, as well as a wonderfully supportive and earnest Puella Magi understudy in Sayaka.

For over a year after the tragic passing of my parents, I had only two people that I felt I could turn to for friendship or help: Kazuki Kudo and Kyouko Sakura. “Phoenix Wright” is a very kindhearted man, but simply too busy to provide me with the sort of comfort or friendship that my heart yearns for. As for Kyouko... that friendship sadly ended in tears and anguish. I had recently met with Kyouko, in accordance with Akemi-san's plans for dealing with the soon arrival of Walpurgis Night. Unfortunately, Kyouko hasn't changed from what she was like when our friendship died in the fires of a battle over conflicting ideals. If anything, Kyouko seems more ruthless than ever, and also more intent than ever to be an island unto herself.

I wonder if I should introduce Madoka to Kyouko? Could Madoka's effortlessly sweet, caring, and optimistic nature manage to reawaken the more well-intentioned Kyouko that I had once been close friends with?

But this was just a fleeting thought for me, as Madoka spent much of our trip resting her head comfortably on my shoulder, contributing to my sense of bliss. I think she briefly fell asleep a couple times during the trip, but that's understandable given how long it was, and how she had so generously insisted on me having the window seat so I could be the one to enjoy the scenic view. There was not much to capture one's attention within the train itself.

But this would soon not be an issue, as the train arrived near the beach on the outskirts of Shirahama. It was now 6 PM.


Yay, we were finally here! I quickly grabbed my overnight luggage bag, while Mami also reached for her's. As we stepped off the train, my eyes went wide at the sight of the wondrous white sandy beach only a short distance away, on this bright sunny day! It was also very warm, the perfect weather for swimming.

Mami and I first walked to Kazuki Kudo's beach house. The beach house was almost pure white in its colour, and it had lots of large windows and openings throughout it, ideal for capturing the view of the shore that was only a short walk from it. Inside was a matching white sofa set, but with pillows of various colours resting on it. A black circular table was situated between the various sofas. There were also some spirally, polished wood carvings hanging from the ceiling. Finally, there were four bedrooms and two washrooms. It all made for a very nice beach-house! While I never doubted Mami, it was still good to know for certain that I'd have a nice place to sleep tonight.

But the main thing now, of course, was enjoying the beach! So I quickly opened up my luggage bag, and took out the pink polka-dot bikini that I bought while shopping with Mami during my first date with her. For her part, Mami took out the blue bikini that she had picked up on that date. We quickly changed into our bikinis, and grabbed some beach supplies. We then started racing to the beach, while joyously laughing!

After we made it to the beach, I was struck by how crowded it was! There must have been hundreds, if not thousands, of people set up all over the circular shoreline of the beach! But after being briefly wowed by the crowds here, Mami soon managed to focus me back on making our own beach setup.

We stretched out our beach towels next to one another. Mine was a solid pink six foot long beach towel, while Mami's six foot long beach towel had a much more fancy brown, gold, and white design on it. We then set an umbrella up over the beach towels to keep them well-shaded. We also brought with us a couple large beach-balls, and a cooler that came from Kudo-sama's beach house. It had a good variety of drinks inside of it for Mami and I to enjoy later. But first things first, we wanted to go swimming!

“Last one in has to buy the other one Dinner!” Mami exclaimed with a wink and a playful smile, as she started running for the water.

“Hey, no fair!” I shouted in reply, before quickly racing after her, “You had a head start!”

But my complaints would soon not matter much even to me, as I quickly waded into the water. Normally I'd take longer to get my body used to the relatively cold water, but I was just so excited right now that every bit of nervousness within me seemed to fade away into the heavenly horizon!

With two hands, Mami hurled some water into my eyes, and it mesmerized me a bit by how sparkling it was as it fell on my face. I splashed some water back at Mami, and the two of us started laughing a lot, and joking with each other. Our beach trip was off to a great start!


After having some fun in the sun, Mami and I went to grab a bite to eat. A nearby food vendor was serving jumbo hotdogs, and Mami suggested that we split one.

After taking the jumbo hotdog back to where we had a place setup on the beach, Mami surprised me by how she intended to split it. While we sat next to each other under the umbrella, Mami asked me to start eating the hotdog while she ate it from the other side. It ultimately resulted in a very spicy and quick kiss that left both of us giggling a bit.

Each of us also bought some fried noodles, and took out some Morning Rescue drinks from the cooler, to complete our Dinner.

After Dinner, Mami began to build a sandcastle over me by using a small green pail and shovel. I was impressed by how large and complex Mami's sandcastle had become.

“Wow, you've made that so big and impressive in such a short time!” I exclaimed to Mami.

“Only the best of castles would be acceptable for my beloved Princess.” Mami said while grinning, making me blush a deep red.

“Still, given how the tide seems to be about to come in, I'm afraid that this sandcastle might soon have a moat...” Mami continued with a teasing grin, while looking out at the lightly crashing waves just beyond where we were now situated.

“W-we wouldn't want me to be here when that happens, r-right?” I asked a bit nervously, while the thought of getting trapped under a watery sandcastle actually scared me a bit.

“Of course not.” Mami answered, as she continued to make a teasing smile.

So with a touch of regret, Mami started to destroy the castle she had just made, freeing me from it. With more than a hour now having passed since we last ate, and with the sun starting to set, we went for another short swim, this time while playing with the beach-balls we had.

A couple teenage guys flirted with Mami, and hit on her, while she and I played in the water. But Mami calmly apologized to them while explaining that she already had an important someone in her life. It was kind of silly of me, but seeing her turn down the advances of these very athletic and cool-looking guys made me smile with pride as I knew that I was the “important someone” in question.

After our second time swimming, Mami and I spent some time simply resting on our beach towels, and chatting with each other. It was now almost 10 PM, and it had been a very fun-filled day. But I think that Mami had some ideas in her mind on how best to cap it off.


While I didn't have that much energy left, I think I had just enough for what I wanted to do to put the perfect finishing touches on the first day and night of this weekend getaway with Madoka. Thankfully, almost all of the crowds that had gathered on the beach had gone home by now, giving Madoka and I a small measure of privacy.

So I took Madoka by the hand, and asked her if she'd join me for a romantic moonlit walk on the beach, along the shoreline. She answered “of course” to my question.

It was an enchantingly clear night, as the moon's reflection shimmered bright off of the gently rolling tides. The atmosphere was simply perfect for my walk with Madoka.

“Have you enjoyed our trip to the beach so far?” I asked her, this time in a very serious tone.

“Yes, it's been everything that I could have hoped for.” Madoka answered, in a low and romantic tone.

“Everything?” I asked teasingly, while raising an eyebrow, “There's nothing more you'd like, Madoka?”

“W-well I'm open to anything you might have in mind, of course!” Madoka replied.

So earnest. So eager to please. Such an incredibly easygoing yet morally firm individual. I felt so very thankful to be Madoka's girlfriend in this moment. It was now my greatest hope that my relationship with her could continue forever, unchallenged and always like this very moment.

Yet I decided to allow Madoka's eagerness to please, to remain without a clear response for now. I wanted the moment of that response to be perfect. As such, I simply made casual chit-chat with her until we reached the ideal spot for my clear response. We were now walking in front of a small rock formation, that had been made very slick and flat through crashing waves of water. I then came to a sudden stop.

“Mami-san, what is it?” asked Madoka.

“It's something simple, Madoka.” I answered, as I turned about to face her, while I held both of her hands in mine, “I stopped walking since I want to kiss you.”

I then leaned forward and slightly downwards, in order to press my lips against hers. It was a passionate kiss, reflecting the deep yearning within my heart to be as close to Madoka as I could possibly be.


Mami's kiss had left me breathless, and a bit stunned. Mami was so smooth when it came to romance, and so she often took me by surprise. But in fairness, this had been a very pleasant and romantic walk on the beach, so I shouldn't have been as surprised by Mami's kiss as I was.

Mami then ran one hand through my hair, and gazed lovingly into my eyes.

“Madoka... I love you so much.” Mami said, “As you know, I'm usually not at a lost for words, but I now struggle to think of how best to convey to you with words how important you are to me, and what I want for the two of us.”

“It's Ok.” I replied, in the sweetest tone that I could manage, “I know how you feel about me, and I feel the same way about you...”

I wish I could say something that didn't seem so cliche or plain, but it really was the truth.

“Are you sure about that?” Mami asked me, in a serious tone, “I ask since I... since I...”

Mami once again surprised me, this time by her not being able to finish her sentence. So instead she took hold of my wrists, and thrust me up against the flat rock formation behind me. My back rested against it, while Mami pressed herself up against me. She started kissing me with such intense passion, as her hands roamed about my arms and my sides. It was so pulse-pounding! Part of me was afraid, but a much bigger part of me simply wanted more.


If you chose A for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section No Objections, Back to Phoenix Wright's Beach House. Otherwise, skip over it.

If you chose B for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section Reevaluating Previous Objections. Otherwise, skip over it.

If you never qualified for M Opportunity Choice 2, read Section Do You Object, Madoka? Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for No Objections, Back to Phoenix Wright's Beach House:

“Let's pick up our belongings and head back to the beach house.” Mami said to me, while cupping my face with one hand.

“Right.” I replied softly, as I think I knew what Mami was implying by this.

Shortly after we picked up our belongings and made it back to the beach house, Mami started to passionately embrace me anew. That's when she stated explicitly to me what she had merely implied before. As I dearly desired the same thing that Mami did, I consented to Mami's desires. As such, we made love this night, creating the perfect ending for a perfect day. I was thoroughly exhausted by the end of it, but it didn't matter, for it was the exhaustion of a full day well-spent. I slept so soundly while held in Mami's comforting embrace.

Spoiler for Reevaluating Previous Objections:

“There's a certain... experience that I dearly want to share with you.” Mami said to me, “But I know that you objected to it before, and at least one of your reasons for that objection can't possibly have changed. Now I know that we're only middle-schoolers, but still...”

“No.” I stated, delicately placing one finger on Mami's glistening lips, “It's Ok. I'm ready now. I'm... more than ready now. I want to be with you too, Mami-san!”

Mami then leaned down to passionately kiss me again, as I think she was so very grateful for me now consenting to her heart's burning desire. After our kiss ended, Mami released me from her embrace. We then gathered up our belongings, and headed back to the beach house.

Shortly after reaching the beach house, we went to bed together, and we made love. It was my first time making love with someone, and it would ensure that this day would be one that I would always remember so vividly and so fondly. I was thoroughly exhausted by the end of it, but it didn't matter, for it was the exhaustion of a full day well-spent. I slept so soundly while held in Mami's comforting embrace.

Spoiler for Do You Object, Madoka?:

“Madoka, I... I want to make love to you.” Mami said to me, overwhelmed with fiery lust.

“I...” I began in nervous uncertainty, before I allowed myself to get caught up in the heat of the moment, “I want that too, Mami-san!”

Mami then leaned down to passionately kiss me again, as I think she was so very grateful for me now consenting to her heart's burning desire. After our kiss ended, Mami released me from her embrace. We then gathered up our belongings, and headed back to the beach house.

Shortly after reaching the beach house, we went to bed together, and we made love. It was my first time making love with someone, and it would ensure that this day would be one that I would always remember so vividly and so fondly. I was thoroughly exhausted by the end of it, but it didn't matter, for it was the exhaustion of a full day well-spent. I slept so soundly while held in Mami's comforting embrace.

The following morning would finally arrive, after I slept for over eight hours straight! Mami had awoke before I did, and she put on the yellow pajamas she had brought with her. She had also prepared fried eggs and buttered toast for her and I to have for breakfast. After I slipped into a pair of green pajamas that I had brought with me, I joined Mami for breakfast. After breakfast, Mami asked me if I would like to take a shower with her.

“Is that really the best way to get clean?” I asked Mami with a teasing smile.

“Don't worry, I won't do anything that would undermine what showers are meant for.” Mami replied with a wink and a grin.

So I showered with Mami this morning, and I have to admit that it felt great! She carefully washed my hair, my back, and my legs for me. I then did the same for her. We embraced a couple times in the shower, and gave each other a couple quick kisses amidst some giggling, but nothing too extreme happened. Mami had lived up to her word!

After her and I showered, I changed into a blue pair of polka-dot bikinis that was the same style and type as my pink pair. Mami changed into a very lovely and elegant red striped bikini. She then helped tie up my hair for me after combing it.

Finally, around 10:30 AM, and after gathering up our beach supplies, we headed off to the beach!


Mami and I noticed that they were holding a special sporting event on the beach today, open to anybody who wanted to participate. That event was a female pairs beach volleyball tournament! Mami thought that it would be a great idea if the two of us entered it as a pair!

“I'm not that physically strong, you know.” I said to Mami's suggestion.

“Maybe not, but you're very quick and agile!” Mami said, “I'm sure that the two of us could do well in this beach volleyball tournament.”

Mami's enthusiasm was contagious to me, so I happily agreed to enter the tournament with her. It was set to begin after lunch and run until 4 PM.


Mami and I actually did really well in the first two rounds! We won the first match 15-8, and the second match 15-12. Mami was extremely good at this, and scored most of our points for us. But I was proud of being able to at least keep up with the pace of competition, and land a few points on our competitors in each of the first two rounds. We shared a lot of gleeful high-fives, and earned a lot of cheers from a mostly male crowd, as we progressed further through the tournament!

In the third round, though, we ran into two very tough competitors. Their names were Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh. Haruka was tall and athletic, with short blonde hair. Michiru was slightly shorter, and with green hair that looked a lot like Hitomi's. From the way they celebrated their points, I couldn't help but suspect that they were a lesbian couple like Mami and I are! I think that Mami is roughly as good at beach volleyball as Haruka is, while I was about as good as Michiru is. But Haruka and Michiru were more used to playing as a team than Mami and I were, and that led to them winning a very close and tight match 15-14.

After the match, Haruka and Michiru shook the hands of Mami and I, thanking us for a great and spirited competition.

With Mami and I both feeling tired from the beach volleyball competition, we decided to go take a rest on our beach towels, and under our umbrella. But not long after we began resting, I noticed something deeply disturbing, embedded within a beach ball bouncing along the waves near the shoreline!

“Mami, look.” I whispered to her, while pointing towards the beach ball in question.

“...A Grief Seed.” Mami said, as a look of horror spread across her face, “What is that doing here of all places? It's glowing too, so the witch's barrier is about to form! With so many people here, the danger posed by that is immen...”

“I see it too.” Michiru suddenly whispered to Mami, after noticing how she had taken note of it, “You must be a Puella Magi like I am if you're able to see it, and know what it is. I'll use my magic to frighten away the crowd and ensure their safety. But you will need to fight the witch!”

“R-right.” Mami replied to Michiru, stunned by her words.

I caught a glimpse of Michiru's dark blue Soul Gem, as she used it to create a mammoth wave!

The crowd reacted in total shock at the sight of a massive wave being formed! Cries of “Tsunami!” and “Earthquake!” were heard all about us. Mami held me firmly in her arms, while we stayed perfectly still under the umbrella. This was to avoid the onrushing crowds as they rushed away from the shoreline in frenzied panic.

Once Mami and I were the only two people left on the beach, Mami used her Soul Gem to transform into her Puella Magi outfit. She then leaped into the air, and held me close to her, while we stood atop a tall snake-like formation that Mami had formed out of yellowish strands.

“Will the witch's barrier form before that insanely large wave crashes down?” I asked Mami in fear.

“Hopefully.” Mami replied, “If so, it should render that wave meaningless, and ensure nobody is hurt by it.”

Thankfully, the witch's barrier did form before the wave crashed down. The sky suddenly turned starry black, and it was also filled with all sorts of cosmic beauty! Bluish, reddish, and orange spirals were now all about the sky. It was like the most gorgeous and captivating of outer space visual phenomena was now taking up the entire immediate sky!

But all of that was secondary to the ground-level horror. The waters had turned to blood, and Mami and I saw the witch surfing upon it! The witch appeared to be a completely naked teenage girl, but coated in brilliantly bright black marble from head to toe. She was about five foot three inches tall, with shoulder length “hair”, if you could call it that. Her eye sockets were empty, with a red glow emanating from them. She had a most malicious grin on her face. All about her were dozens of familiars in the form of large disembodied heads!

Each of these disembodied heads appeared to be human, and each was about the size of an adult man. Each of these heads was wearing utterly bizarre purplish helmets that stretched down over the eyes and to the bridge of the nose. An angled piece protruded out from each side of the purplish helmet for each of these familiars.

They all groaned “I HUNGER!” in loud, ominous English.

“Wow!” I exclaimed at the sight of this highly unusual witch.

“Be very careful, Madoka.” Mami said, “I'll form a protective red magical barrier around you. Make sure to stay behind that while I deal with this witch!”

“Right!” I shouted in response.

Mami then leaped off of the snake-like platform that I was on, with a red but transparent protective barrier covering me like a large shield. Mami kinda flew in the air, while she summoned forth a vast array of muskets! She then shot them all off almost simultaneously!

These muskets proved powerful enough to destroy most of the disembodied head familiars, while the surfing witch was knocked off of her board by a series of explosions occurring all about her!

Mami then landed skillfully on her feet, after descending from out of the air. But she wasn't given much of a chance to catch her breath, as the eyes of the remaining disembodied heads started shooting some wide blasts of thunderous reddish energy at her! Mami managed to bob and weave and race away from these various blasts, but she was soon cornered by the witch!

“Draob ym, em ot!” the witch cried out, while now standing on the beach next to Mami, and dramatically throwing one arm diagonally downwards.

Mami was then struck hard in the back, by a black marble surfboard rapidly descending out of the air!

“Mami-san!!” I cried out in horror.

“D-don't worry...” she said, while struggling back to her feet, “That isn't enough to defeat me!”

Mami-san then began to skip and twirl about with such superb grace and style, shooting muskets off at a breathtaking pace! This was enough to destroy the remaining familiars!

However, I noticed that the musket blasts that had been striking against the witch itself was having no effect on it. But the witch was about to have a major effect on Mami!

The witch's two arms were thrust forward, with open palms. Out of those palms came forth blasts of seemingly cosmic power! One such blast struck Mami!

“Aaaaaggggghhh!!!” Mami cried, as the blast singed her clothes and hair.

That blast had also sent her flying ten meters backwards, with her landing on her backside.

“Mami, are you Ok?!” I cried out in question.

“...I won't lose!” Mami exclaimed, as she gingerly but relentlessly rose to her feet, and then yelled directly at the witch, “I won't let you hurt Madoka!”

Mami then leaped high into the air! She then summoned forth her gigantic glistening gun!

“TIRO FINALE!!!!” she exclaimed, louder than I've ever heard her yell before!

The blast rocketed across the landscape, striking the witch exactly on target! Please... oh please may this be it! Mami then landed on her feet, breathing heavily, while she waited to see what effect her ultimate move had made. Eventually, the billowing smoke and storm of sand left in the wake of her Tiro Finale had dispersed.

What Mami and I then saw left us both petrified.

The surfing witch was grinning maliciously, and had been left entirely unscathed!

“How...” Mami began to state in utter terror, while her eyes went wide and her face displayed total shock, “How am I supposed to defeat that monster?!”

“Madoka!” I suddenly heard the enthusiastic voice of Kyubey!

Seemingly out of nowhere, he was now situated right behind me.

“You must contract with me now, Madoka!” he exclaimed, “It is the only hope that you or Mami have against that particular witch!”

“I...” I began, while trembling and sweating bullets, “I wish...”

“That will not be necessary.” I heard the voice of Akemi Homura!

Homura then seemed to teleport from one spot on the beach to the next to the next, moving passed a stunned Mami before finally appearing directly behind the witch.

Homura then forced open the witch's mouth with her hands, and dropped some small bombs into its mouth.

Homura then seemed to teleport away from the witch, and took hold of Mami's hands.

“Get down and cover your ears!” Homura shouted at Mami.

Homura and Mami then fell to the ground and both covered their ears. I also covered my ears just to be safe.

Then an almost deafening explosion was heard, as the witch loudly screeched and was destroyed within a mushroom cloud of flame and soot! I breathed such a deep sigh of relief over witnessing this witch finally be defeated. <YouTube music ends here>


With the witch defeated, Homura and Mami stood back up. Mami had a look of shame on her, reminiscent of how she had looked the last time Homura had saved her from a witch. Homura steadily walked over to where the witch had last been, while the witch's barrier began to dissipate. The beach was thankfully still empty of anybody except Mami, Homura, Kyubey, and myself. A Grief Seed appeared in the air, and slowly lowered itself to the ground.

Homura picked up the Grief Seed.

“Here” Homura said, while throwing the Grief Seed at Mami, “Given how much magical power you used up in that fight, you probably need this more than I do.”

Mami caught the Grief Seed, but she didn't look very pleased by Homura's gesture. Mami then lowered me back down to the ground, and collected her magical summons back into her Soul Gem.

“...I thank you for once again saving me, and especially for once more saving Madoka.” Mami said towards Homura, in a tone of supreme shame, “But I don't deserve your generosity.”

“That's beside the point.” Homura replied, as she walked back towards where Mami was standing, “I want you to be in good condition for when Walpurgis Night arrives.”

“Is that why you apparently followed me all the way out to this beach?” Mami asked in turn, “Just to ensure that?”

“No.” Homura curtly answered, “I came out here to ensure that Madoka remains safe. It's crystal clear that I'm the only one capable of protecting Madoka from witches.”

“...What's that supposed to mean?!” Mami asked, with a look of fiery anger over Homura's implied insult.

“The meaning should be quite clear to you.” Homura answered, “This is twice now, and in less than two weeks, that you have completely failed to protect Madoka from a witch. If Madoka was my girlfriend, I can assure you that I would be doing a much better job of protecting her than you...” SLAP

Much to my open mouth shock, Mami had just slapped Homura across the face with one hand!

“I have had enough of your verbal abuse!” Mami shouted, while tears streamed out of her eyes, “I am grateful for how you have saved the lives of Madoka and myself twice, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to stand for being continually disrespected by you! I am an experienced Puella Magi who has defeated countless witches. Two near-defeats does not take that all away!”

“One defeat is all that needs to happen for a Puella Magi or a human to be killed.” Homura replied, while her and Mami made intense eye contact with one another.

Homura and Mami then continued to glare menacingly at one another. I felt a desperate need to help them make amends with one another. At the same time, though, my heart went out to Mami here. I wanted to support her unconditionally, and to let Homura know that her insults were not appreciated.

But what should take precedence for me? Playing peacemaker in general, or supporting my most beloved Mami-san?


Choice M4:

A) “I also will not stand for you insulting Mami like that. I thank you for saving me, Homura, but I stand by Mami... now and forever!”

B) “Please don't fight like that! It's important for you both to get along.”

Spoiler for Response M4A:

“Madoka...” Mami said, as her tears of shame turned to tears of joy over my words of support for her.

Mami then rushed over to me to hug me tightly.

“Very well. I will respect your request, Madoka Kaname.” Homura stated in a tone of slight sadness, and after a brief pause.

Homura then quickly walked and teleported away, leaving Mami and I behind. I felt a bit badly for Homura, as she came across to me as very lonely. But that had to come second to me supporting Mami-san.

“Thank you so much for your unconditional support, Madoka.” Mami said to me, while she was choked up in tears and holding me in her warm and loving embrace.

“There's no need to thank me for that.” I replied to Mami, “It is something you can always count on.”

And with that, Mami and I walked hand-in-hand to gather up our belongings that were still on the beach. We would soon enjoy a wonderful train ride back to Mitakihara Town. Mami and I were so thoroughly in love with one another. I now felt so certain that nothing could break us apart.

Spoiler for Response M4B:

“I have no desire to fight Mami Tomoe.” Homura said, before turning her eyes towards me, “But I do intend to protect you Madoka.”

“...Why?” I asked, in genuine curiosity, “Why do you go to such great lengths to protect me? You hinted at the idea of me being your girlfriend... Do you have a crush on me?!”

“Ma-Madoka!” Mami exclaimed in displeasure over my question, as curiosity was getting the better of me.

“No.” Homura said to Mami, “She deserves to know. Especially now, since she's followed my advice to not become a Puella Magi.”

Homura then looked directly at me, and I think she was blushing slightly.

“Yes.” she confirmed, “Yes, I have a crush on you, Madoka. I would like nothing better than to be your girlfriend.”

Mami became increasingly unglued emotionally over these words.

“How... how dare you?!” Mami asked Homura, while trembling in anger, “You know of my relationship with Madoka, yet you still...”

“I don't expect anything to come of my crush.” Homura stated, interrupting Mami, “But Madoka's question is one that I could never give a dishonest answer to, or fail to answer if asked it directly. I could not betray my own heart to that extent. But don't worry. Madoka is likely too good a person to turn away from someone she's already in a romance with.”

I was too stunned speechless, and left in blushing shyness, to say anything to Homura's revelation of having a crush on me. Homura then started to walk away.

“Madoka, aren't you going to say something?!” Mami asked me, as I could hear the great sense of need in her voice.

“I...” I began, struggling hard to know what to say, “I, well, um...”

“Isn't your heart settled on me?” Mami asked, as the skin under her eyes was now parched and reddened from a great deal of crying.

“Y-yes, of course.” I answered Mami.

But the flatness of my tone of voice, and the hesitation of my words, made my answer one that was unsatisfying to Mami. It would later ensure a very tense trip back to Mitakihara Town that same day...

The crowds gathered at the beach this Saturday would be saved from the surfing witch, thanks to the collective efforts of Michiru, Mami, and Homura. But as for myself, I had a lot of other things to think about during the return trip home. For obvious reasons, Mami and Homura both dominated my thoughts. I spent a lot of time thinking over how best I could help smooth over the divisions between them. I also wanted to ensure that I was both friendly to Homura, and supportive to Mami.

The days to come would certainly prove to be pivotal ones in my relationships with both Mami and Homura.

__________________________________________________ _


Sayaka Romance Chain


[Cont'd in next post]

[Triple_R]

Mami Lives Chapter 6
Sayaka Romance Chain

I must admit, Kyubey's timing was impeccable. I don't know why he was now in Sayaka's bedroom, or even how he had come to be there, but his presence there at this precise moment begged a much more important question.

'Good day, Madoka!' he conveyed cheerfully to me, through telepathy.

'Good day.' I replied a bit uneasily.

'I trust you just saw how Sayaka Miki reacted to the news of Kyousuke Kamijo's release from the hospital.' Kyubey then conveyed, 'Her heart certainly still seems to be divided. Will you make a wish to end that division?'


MFS Choice 2:

A) “Yes, I will. I wish for Kyousuke Kamijo's hand to be completely healed, restored to how it was before it was badly injured!”

B) “No. I think that Sayaka and Homura would both prefer it if I didn't become a magical girl, so I will not be contracting with you. Sorry.”

If you chose A for MFS Choice 2, read Section MFS2A and disregard the rest of the chapter. Otherwise, skip over Section MFS2A.

Spoiler for Section MFS2A:

My discussion with my mom finally came to an end. I hated to leave Madoka in the middle of me combing her hair, but I also feel that I have a certain responsibility to live up to when it comes to Kyousuke. My heart is now settled on Madoka, but I've taken it upon myself to care for Kyousuke's well-being for a long time now. There's perhaps nothing I would loath more than becoming a person that didn't see her chosen responsibilities through to the end.

Also, it's difficult to completely stop loving someone when you have loved them for so long. I guess there is a small part of me that still has some feelings for Kyousuke. Hopefully seeing him relatively well, and active at school, will better enable me to leave those feelings behind, and focus such romantic feelings exclusively on Madoka.

But what I now saw as I looked through the open door to my bedroom, after walking up the flight of stairs leading to it, would itself ensure a pretty intense focus on Madoka...

'Welcome back, Sayaka.' she said telepathically with such angelic warmth and a shimmering smile, as I saw her standing just inside of the door of my bedroom, turning her head sideways to look me in the face.

Those simple words accentuated the impact of her overall appearance right now. Madoka was now wearing an absolutely radiant pink and white fluffy dress with pink bows on the side. There was such a magical glow all about her. Did she... did she just become a magical girl?!

'I take it that you're stunned by my appearance?' Madoka asked telepathically, as I simply stood next to my bedroom door in open mouth awe, “Then let me explain. You've done so much for me lately, that I chose to do something for you. I wanted to unburden your heart, Sayaka. So I've made a wish that hopefully will be beneficial to both you and somebody that you've cared about for a long time. I wished for Kamijo's hand to be healed!'

Madoka's words were clear, and to the point. But they had caused me to be even more stunned than I was before!

'I... you...' I began in uneasy telepathic reply, before I rushed over to Madoka to take hold of her arms with my hands, 'You didn't have to do that for me!'

'I know.' Madoka replied, 'But I wanted to. Please don't feel badly about it, Sayaka. I'm happy to do this for you!'

Tears rushed to my eyes, as I felt so deeply and thoroughly moved by Madoka's words and deeds. I released Madoka's arms from my hold, in order to wipe away my tears.

'I was wrong.' I said telepathically to Madoka after recomposing myself, 'You're no mere Princess. You're an angel.”

I then became swept up by my emotions, and leaned in against Madoka to take hold of her sides and kiss her. As I did so, Madoka placed her hands on my shoulders. After our kiss, I repeatedly conveyed thanks to Madoka telepathically, as I wept tears of joy upon her shoulders with her holding me steady in her arms.


It seems like my wish had the desired effect. For now, at least, it seemed all worthwhile.

After Sayaka and I ended our embrace, I held aloft my soul gem in order to change back into less magical attire. But that was the attire that Sayaka had bought for me, so it was beautiful as well. Sayaka then finished combing my hair. She took a few camera pictures of me in the outfit she had bought for me. One such picture was of her sitting next to me on her bed, while she wrapped one arm around me and leaned her head against mine. She gave me a copy of that picture to keep.

I then tied my hair back up in my red hair ribbons, and changed back into my student uniform. I placed the outfit Sayaka bought me into an empty shopping bag. Once I was ready to leave, Sayaka made such a bright and thankful smile to me, saying that she looked forward to seeing me at school tomorrow.

I then left to go home for the day, with Kyubey following behind me. As I walked home, I looked at the picture that Sayaka had gave me. She looked so very happy on it, and that made me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. Yes, my wish really did seem entirely worthwhile.

My mama was not home when I arrived home, so I just briefly said hello to papa and headed to my bedroom. I decided to hide my new outfit away, at least for now. I'd explain it to my parents later. I then slept very soundly, very contented over the effects of my wish.


The next morning at school, Kamijo made his return. With his hand having been healed only yesterday, and by unknown means, Kamijo couldn't help but to make a big deal about it to the rest of our class. During Dinner break one of our classmates retrieved for him a violin from the musical instrument store room. Kamijo then started playing the violin, to the awe and wonderment of the entire class. I was a bit startled by how Hitomi's eyes watered slightly over it.

But the person most impacted by it was Sayaka, of course. Tears streamed out of her eyes at the sounds of Kamijo's music being played in school like this. After the playing was finished, she took hold of my hand and said 'Thank you so much' to me telepathically.

But not everybody was pleased during this moment. As Kamijo played his violin, Akemi Homura looked over to where Hitomi, Sayaka, and I were standing. Homura was sitting at her seat, and she had a fierce look in her eyes...


Everything had been going so well in this timeline. It seemed like my words to Madoka and Miki had proven to be persuasive. Miki's decision to enter into a romance with Madoka initially stunned me, and made me decidedly jealous. But I thought it had removed Kyousuke Kamijo as an obstacle to my main goal of protecting Madoka, and steering her away from the world of magical girls. Also, Miki's decision made sense to me when I recalled what she was like in the third timeline.

I could now see the true motivation behind her extreme harshness to me in that timeline. She was likely jealous of how close I was with Madoka in that timeline. In spite of her love for Kyousuke Kamijo she must have been harbouring similar feelings for Madoka. Her heart had been divided all this time. And that accursed alien had somehow managed to take advantage of it.

I must stop underestimating him. He is such a wily foe. Given how he can turn situations that seem hopeless for his cause into sudden victories for him, I was leery of attempting to save Madoka in another timeline. No, the line must be drawn here! This far, no farther!

There was still at least one way to save Madoka in this timeline. But using that way will make me hate myself. It is a small price to pay for saving Kaname-san...


The next morning at school, I walked over to Miki's desk, and politely but firmly asked her if I could speak privately with her after school. Her, Madoka, and Shizuki were startled by me doing this, but after stammering for a bit, Miki reluctantly agreed to my request.

After the school day on Wednesday came to an end, Madoka bid Miki a warm farewell, causing my jealousy to run even higher. But that could be put aside for now. As per my request, Miki met up with me at the school rooftop where she and Madoka frequently have lunch.

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked me.

“Before I answer that, there are some things that I must make clear.” I reply to her, “I'm aware of your romantic relationship with Madoka. I'm also aware of how she became a Puella Magi for your sake.”

“...So do you intend to blame me for Madoka's decision to become a Puella Magi?” Miki asked, as she tensed up over my words.

“No, I don't.” I answer her, “It's exceptionally hard to control the actions of other people, even those that are close to you. I've learned that the hard way.”

After a brief pause, I continued addressing Miki.

“Though I don't blame you for Madoka's decision to become a Puella Magi, it must also be said that such a decision represents an unjust burden for her.” I continued, “Kyousuke Kamijo is not somebody close to Madoka. If anything, she likely viewed him as a problematic romantic rival. So when Madoka wished for Kamijo, she didn't make her wish. She made your wish for you.”

“...So are you saying that I should have been the one to become a Puella Magi in order to heal Kyousuke?” Miki asked, as I could sense firmness but also a touch of guilt in her voice.

“That would be more appropriate and fitting, don't you think?” I asked, as I waved my hair to the side.

Miki looked downwards while she contemplated carefully on my words.

“You're right.” she answered me in a low tone of voice, “I have to admit that I feel guilty over the sacrifice that Madoka has made for my sake.”

“Then undo that sacrifice.” I replied, “Become a Puella Magi, and wish for Madoka to be made a normal girl once more.”

Once more, Miki looked downwards while she contemplated carefully on my words.

“...Why do you care so much about Madoka?” she asked me, while raising an eyebrow, “If you can give a compelling answer to that, then I'll grant your request.”

“Would you believe that I'm from the future?” I began in answer, deciding to play the only card that I felt might prove persuasive here, “I come from a future in which the entire world has been jeopardized by Madoka's powers going haywire. Her Puella Magi potential proved more a curse than a blessing, for the whole Earth. That's why my wish was to redo my first meeting with Madoka. I wanted to prevent the horrific disaster that her becoming a Puella Magi would cause.”

If you chose A for Choice 3, read section Complete Belief. Otherwise, read section Playing it Safe.

Spoiler for Complete Belief:

Given the seemingly prophetic dreams that Madoka had told me about, and given the mystifying world of magical girls and witches that I have come to know about, I honestly found it easy to believe Homura's answer. In fact, it fits so incredibly well with all the other puzzle pieces that lay scattered about in my mind, causing a more complete picture to form in my mind. Homura's cryptic words, and her desire to stop Madoka and I from becoming magical girls, made perfect sense now.

“You may be surprised to hear this...” I said to Homura, “But I completely believe you.”

Spoiler for Playing it Safe:

A mere two weeks ago, I would have laughed mockingly at Homura's words. But given the scientifically inexplicable events and settings I had seen since that time, I could not completely rule out that Homura was telling the truth here. It also occurred to me that if she was telling the truth, it would perfectly explain her actions since she transferred into Mitakihara Middle School.

“I really hope that this isn't some very bad joke that you're getting on with.” I said sternly to Homura, while narrowing my eyes towards her, “But I've seen enough over the last two weeks to know that you might be telling the truth here. And I'm not willing to risk the sake of the entire world over the idea that you might be bluffing.”

“So you'll wish for Madoka to become a normal girl again?” Homura asked.

“Yes, I will.” I answered Homura.


My time as a Puella Magi did not last long. After just a couple days as one, I would wake up in my bed to see that my Soul Gem was no longer there! I would also find that I was now unable to transform into my Puella Magi outfit.

After I made my way to school on Friday morning, I would find out why. Sayaka had wished for me to become a normal girl again! She had taken my place as a Puella Magi.

“Why did you do it?” I asked Sayaka, as we sat upon the school rooftop eating lunch together during the school day on Friday.

“There's a few reasons for it.” Sayaka answered, “One of them you're probably better off not knowing about. But a major one is that... is that I hated the thought of you getting hurt for my sake, Madoka.”

“So you wished for me to become a normal girl again so I wouldn't have to fight as a Puella Magi?” I asked Sayaka.

“Yes, that's correct.” Sayaka answered, as she placed her hand over mine, and looked lovingly into my eyes, “I couldn't live with myself if you were to get badly hurt in a witch fight, all over a wish you made purely for my sake.”

“But I don't want you to get hurt ei...” I began in reply, before Sayaka placed one finger on my lips, and smiled at me.

“Don't you remember the reasons I gave for confessing to you?” Sayaka asked me, in a playful tone, “I wanted to be a dashing Knight or Prince that would protect her precious pretty Princess. Please let me fulfil that desire, Madoka.”

Sayaka's words caused tears to rush to my eyes, as I felt moved by them. So with Sayaka and I hugging each other snugly, I agreed to letting Sayaka fulfil her desire.

Due to my time as a Puella Magi, I was already aware of the approaching Walpurgis Night. Two days before its expected time of attack, Sayaka carefully seduced me, and proceeded to make love to me. In the back of my mind, I knew that at least part of Sayaka's reason for doing this was so that she could share this experience with me at least once before she went off to confront Walpurgis Night, but I tried not to think about that while in the throes of passion. But try as I might to deny that possibility, it sadly came to pass...


Mami, Sayaka, Kyouko, and myself managed to defeat Walpurgis Night together, but Sayaka lost her life in the struggle. Sayaka's emotional well-being was much better in this timeline than in the third, but because of how late she came to being a Puella Magi, she had hardly any experience as one before going into the battle against Walpurgis Night.

That lack of experience would prove deadly to her, as she lost her life in a reckless attack against Walpurgis Night. Still, I could only respect Sayaka now. She had legitimately earned that from me. She had sacrificed everything for Madoka's sake. I myself could have done no better. And I myself was ultimately the cause of Sayaka's death.

I loathed that accursed alien. I loathed him for what he had turned me into, in more ways than one. I loathed the brutal measures I had needed to take in order to save Madoka. I had succeeded in saving her, but at a wretched cost.

I could not in good conscience pursue a romance with Madoka now. I would be filled with self-loathing for the rest of my days if I did that, as it would make me like a King sending a male soldier out to die in a war, in order to take his wife away from him.

So even as Madoka was so thoroughly devastated by Sayaka's passing, I could not bring myself to comfort her through it. Thankfully, Mami-san did that for me.


It would take a long time for me to move on from Sayaka's passing. For a long time, I would cry almost every day while looking at the picture she took of her and I while I wore the outfit she had bought for me. But Mami-san had been such a wondrous comforter to me through all of it.

Mami and I would end up attending the same high school together, while Homura would leave for a different high school. While I could never forget Sayaka, or how I felt for her, my heart eventually became open to new romances again. And when it did so, I found myself once more attracted to Mami.

Mami was very flattered when I confessed romantic feelings to her, but she said that she felt that her accepting the confession would dishonour Sayaka's sacrifice. But after Mami and I talked about it for awhile, I convinced her otherwise. I convinced her that Sayaka would want us to be happy, and to follow our hearts.

So two years after Sayaka's tragic death, I entered into a romance with Mami. My parents were thankfully very supportive of it.

As for my wish, at least it paved the way for Kamijo to become a world-renown violinist! He and Hitomi would end up married one day, and Mami and I would frequently enjoy attending his performances. Given how much Sayaka had wanted Kamijo's hand to be healed, I felt that this was a good way to pay tribute to her.

The End (Bittersweet Melancholy end)

'Very well, Madoka.' Kyubey replied telepathically, while closing his eyes, 'I only hope that you don't end up regretting your decision.'

He then somehow faded into the shadows in Sayaka's room, and disappeared from sight. A couple minutes later, Sayaka made it back to her room.

“Sorry about that, Madoka!” I heard Sayaka say, with a slightly nervous look on her face.

“It's Ok.” I replied with a slight smile, “I don't mind.”

“Thanks for being so patient.” Sayaka said with a gregarious look on her face, and her hands on her hips, “Now let me finish up combing your hair!”

Sayaka then finished combing my hair. She then took a few camera pictures of me in the outfit she had bought for me. One such picture was of her sitting next to me on her bed, while she wrapped one arm around me and leaned her head against mine. She gave me a copy of that picture to keep.

I then tied my hair back up in my red hair ribbons, and changed back into my student uniform. I placed the outfit Sayaka bought me into an empty shopping bag. Once I was ready to leave, Sayaka made such a bright smile to me, saying that she looked forward to seeing me at school tomorrow.

I then left to go home for the day. As I walked home, I looked at the picture that Sayaka had given me. She looked pretty happy in it, so maybe my decision to not wish for Kamijo's hand to be healed wouldn't be as problematic as Kyubey had argued it would be.

My mama was not home when I arrived home, so I just briefly said hello to papa and headed to my bedroom. I decided to hide my new outfit away, at least for now. I'd explain it to my parents later. I then slept very soundly, feeling much relief over putting Kyubey's repeated attempts to persuade me to become a magical girl behind me. Even so, I planned to do something tomorrow to show at least some small measure of thanks to Sayaka for buying me such a beautiful and expensive outfit!


The next morning at school, Kamijo made his return. His return was definitely the talk of the class this morning, as many classmates went out of their way to welcome him back and ask him how he was doing. Well, it was mainly the male classmates that did this. Kamijo was now sitting in his seat, while Sayaka, Hitomi, and I were all situated on the opposite side of the classroom. I could tell that both Sayaka and Hitomi were paying close attention to Kamijo.

“You can go over and talk to him if you'd like.” I whispered to Sayaka, while leaning in close to her.

“No, it's fine.” Sayaka whispered back to me while smiling towards me, “He's getting plenty of attention as it is. I wouldn't want to overwhelm him.”

“What are you both whispering about?” Hitomi asked out loud.

“O-Oh, it's nothing!” Sayaka responded sheepishly, before chuckling and scratching her head with one hand.

But after a brief pause, Hitomi addressed Sayaka again.

“There's something I'd like to talk to you in private about over lunch, Sayaka.” Hitomi said, in a very serious tone.

Hitomi's request here startled Sayaka, and was disheartening to me. It effectively ruined one of the plans I had for today. But I didn't want to get in the way of whatever Hitomi wanted to talk to Sayaka about, so I chose to let it go. Still, I asked Sayaka if I could go over to her place after school, since I wanted her to at least know about what I had initially planned and prepared for today. Sayaka eagerly agreed to my request, thankfully.


“So what is this about?” I asked Hitomi, while we sat across from each other, during lunch-time in the school cafeteria.

“It's about love.” Hitomi answered, while having a very stern and serious look to her, “I've been keeping a secret from you and Madoka.”

After a short pause, Hitomi continued.

“For a long time, I've been in love with Kyousuke Kamijo.” Hitomi continued.

I gasped in surprise over this. Wow... if not for my current relationship with Madoka, this would have hit me like a ton of bricks! As is, though, this might actually be convenient in a way.

“Really?” I asked Hitomi, just to make sure she wasn't pulling my leg.

The firm and stark look on Hitomi's face made it clear to me that she was entirely serious here.

“I didn't expect that from you.” I continued, speaking very calmly, “Still, I don't mind.”

“Huh?” Hitomi asked, stunned over how I wasn't taking this very hard at all.

“The truth is that Madoka and I have been keeping a secret from you as well.” I replied to her, “And since you showed the courage to reveal your secret to me, it's only fair that I reveal my secret to you.”

“What secret are you referring to?” Hitomi asked, “Have you already confessed to Kyousuke?!”

“No, no, it's nothing like that!” I exclaimed, while waving my hand dismissively, “But it is something that I want you to promise me to keep secret from the rest of the class, at least for now. Do you mind?”

“No, I don't mind.” Hitomi said, after a short pause, “What's your secret?”

“Madoka and I are...” I began in answer, “Well, I think you might have already suspected this. Madoka and I are girlfriends, Hitomi. We're in that kind of relationship.”

Hitomi's eyes went wide over my words.

“Really?” she asked me, “Are you telling me the truth here?”

“Yes.” I answered, in the firmest and most serious tone of voice that I could manage, “You might think of that sort of relationship as 'Forbidden Love', but even so, it's a sincere love that Madoka and I feel for one another. I hope that it's something you can live with, while still being friends with Madoka and I.”

Now it ironically seemed like Hitomi had been hit with a proverbial ton of bricks.

“Anyway.” I continued, as I think she was stunned speechless, “Because of my relationship with Madoka, I don't mind at all if you confess your love to Kyousuke. In fact, I hope it works out for the two of you. If it does work out for the two of you, it would put Madoka's heart much more at ease.”

“...You are telling me the truth here, aren't you?” Hitomi asked me, finally managing to absorb with I was telling her.

“Yes, Hitomi, I am.” I answered her, “If you find it hard to believe me, you can ask Madoka about it. We both know that she values honesty very highly. She's not likely to lie to you.”

“I...” Hitomi began in uneasy reply, before she suddenly arose out of her chair.

“I... have a lot to think about now.” she finally said, “Well, I guess the good news is that my intention to confess my love to Kyousuke won't be an issue for you. As for you and Madoka...”

“...Yes?” I asked, as there was a tense pause in the air after Hitomi had trailed off in her words.

“I wish you and Madoka all the best.” Hitomi said, “I'm sorry for anything I said that might have inadvertently hurt your feelings or hers in the past. You're both precious friends to me, so you can trust me to maintain your secret. I'll see you later on.”

Hitomi then raced off, as I could tell my revelation to her had left her feeling a bit conflicted, and with a lot to think about. As for her revelation to me, that also left quite an impact. I now felt great relief that I had confessed romantic feelings to Madoka when I did!

But I now had a lot to talk about with Madoka at my place after school. I hope she wouldn't mind me choosing to tell Hitomi about the true nature of our current relationship.

------------------------------------------------------------------


Now, a few things to cover:

1. Mami = Orange (Yellow doesn't work), Sayaka = Blue, Homura = Purple, and Madoka = Pink/Magenta. It's very important to keep this in mind when reading this update, as narration voice switches back and forth a lot in this update, as per reader feedback (thanks, Deikan! )

2. Due to the length of these two sections, and overall formatting reasons, "Madoka Stands Alone" is on hiatus this update, but will be back for Mami Lives Chapter 7. Sorry for any disappointment over this. Even as is, I needed two posts to complete this update!

3. I intend to get back to the excellent replies that Sol Falling, Kogetsu Shirogane, and Coldlight made for Chapter 12. That should be made soon.

4. I've done a write-up on the OC Surfing-Witch of the Mami Romance Section. If anybody is interested in reading that write-up, please PM me about it. I will say though that it's kind of a "can't unsee" write-up, lol. It reveals some things that people might prefer to leave to speculation.


Anyway, I hope that Deikan is happy with the "Beach Episode"! I hope that Sol is pleased with the more controversial aspects of it.

Responses from all readers is greatly welcomed and appreciated as always.

[Kirito]

OH MY GOD!! I'm truly impressed by the lasted Madoka x Mami and Madoka x Sayaka update. It was definitely refreshing to see different perspectives from each of the heroines, and the way you've written how they interacted and sounded was truly convincing. Bravo you never cease to amaze me with the scenarios you write. "Standing ovation & applause".

Like always before I give you my final grade, I'm going to give you some honest thoughts about the current chapters/scenarios you've written. Well, here we go.

Ahem:

Part One:

Current Mami x Madoka Route Scenario:

Phase One: The Overnight Trip

When Kamijou called Mami Dai-sensei I thought; Kore wa Zombie, Desu ka? Anyone Pretty clever!!

Back to the topic:

The romance between the two still growing stronger and the chance to see Mami and Madoka give their thoughts really made the read more enjoyable. During the read about the date Madoka was her shy and nervous self while Mami was calm and collected, as always. It's only natural because it's within their character so don't change was works. It's also refreshing for Madoka to show her cuteness when she was a little jealous when boys came to flirt with Mami, and for her to come out of her nervousness at times and truly enjoy herself and Mami did her part of doing that.

The hot dog kiss reminded me of the one Disney movie with the two dogs and the spaghetti...you get the idea. Was that kiss based off that or non intentional? I thought it was creative and cute.

Spoiler for First Day:

When the day started to end Mami was quite pushy (in a good sense) when it comes to her loving Madoka deeply while Madoka was still hesitant as always (Remembering the Mami's Offer back in Chapter 3. Really loved that chapter ) taking it to the next level.

The three choices that were offered made sense because it shows us how Madoka feels when it comes to a time where one wants to get beyond the point of intimacy and the possible hesitations that come with it. Great job on emphasizing Madoka's and Mami feelings when it comes to that, and it amazes me how much thought you put into the choices you've made.

During the first part of the read I was reminded of this one song. I think it totally fits with the scenario. I'll put this the song link there if you're interested, it truly fits to the situation of this scenario...the first part. If you do listen I hope you enjoy it.

Spoiler for Date Song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Poqnf...eature=related

Phase Two: The Last Day

The last day of the beach trip was quite interesting with the volleyball couple tournament, and the introduction to two interesting characters, and a possible threat to Madoka's and Mami's relationship with each other.

Spoiler for Last Day:

Sailor Neptune and Uranus...interesting. Well adding them was a surprise at the same time kind of logical because in a way they're both Mami and Madoka's predecessors because Sailor Moon started the whole Magical Girl/Yuri scenario. Sorry Sailor Moon but Madoka has stolen the show now!!

Back on topic. ahem:

Having a witch attack the beach and the drastic ominous change to the bright and happy scenery really added suspense and thriller to the scenario (I listened to the music btw...good choice) Mami fighting side by side with other Magical Girls outside the "norm" was quite amusing to read considering that they're "senpai's" in their own right.

Adding Homura to the mix really made really made the story more dramatic and made me glued to the edge of seat. As I read it, it's logical considering that Madoka is her top priority above anything else because of her mission/love for her. Two interesting things that made this more exciting:

1. The impeccable timing of her arrival to save Madoka from the witch and prevent her from selling her soul to the dev...I mean Kyubey.

2. Suddenly confessing her love to Madoka and possibly threatening the relationship between the Mami and Madoka.

I really enjoyed how you emphasized Mami's insecurities when it comes to Madoka's safety and her Magical Girl prowess. It's obvious that Mami feels threaten and like I said in the previous Mami romance chapters that she longs for a family and found it in Madoka, and it looks like it could be taken from her again.

It pains me to see Mami's self-esteem get shot down because she nearly lost her life for the second time and Homura adding fuel to the fire saying that she can't protect Madoka, her girlfriend. It gives a good idea that Madoka's feelings are being conflicted with her love and comfort for Mami and the sudden love confession from Homura. Madoka wants a compromise for both of them but judging by the situation one wrong decision from her, Mami or Homura could get hurt.

Scenario Rank:

Spoiler for Pros:

The story amazing, the length was excellent, vute, dramatic, romantic, and really makes you want to know more judging by the way it ended. I'm giving you a 9.5/10. Congrats you've earned it. You rock!!

Spoiler for Cons:

The making love portion of the story felt incomplete. Have you read my PM.That's all.

Excellent job as always, I'll give you my Sayaka review after I give my fingers some rest and after I comeback from a Korean BBQ invitation someone invited me too. I can't wait for the next update, Keep them coming!!

[Triple_R]

And now, time for some replies! As usual, I'll be using the Spoiler Space approach.

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Chapter 12:

Originally Posted by Sol Falling

Great chapter, and glad to see you updating again. You've offered quite a number of fascinating developments with Sayaka this time, and the Emperor Jinnai/Homura and Sayaka alliance chain is turning out to be very dynamic and exciting.

Thanks a lot! That's precisely what I was hoping to achieve with Chapter 12.

First, to cover the both the canon storyline and the Canon Couples ending: on the thread in general, it continues to be engaging re-experience of the original story, with some pleasing deeper insight into Madoka's personal thoughts. I was also surprised to run across the Canon Couples ending here, which actually turned out to be one of the happiest or most satisfying I could imagine for this story--minus simply the death of Mami, of course.

One thing I was aiming for with the Canon Couples end was something very close to canon, so much so that I even decided to put aside my fanfic's "Sexual Healing" nature of Soul Gems, in order to craft an ending that I think could work even within a stricter, more anime-based nature of Soul Gems.

This ending was indeed crafted to be particularly rewarding to VN-players who decided to stick very close to the anime, by giving them what might be the happiest and most satisfying ending that can easily branch off from the canon narrative. There are some happier ends, but they require bigger changes than this one does, and hence can perhaps be harder to square with Gen Urobuchi's overall vision for the Puella Magi world.

I know if I had played this far into the game while remaining on the canon plotline, I would probably have qualified for this ending and been very happy that I did.

Right. Some time ago you wrote that you were hoping that readers/players that stayed close to the anime would not "lose out" too much on it since less canon chains/routes would naturally give more original material. With this in mind, I've tried to sprinkle a lot of "not that hard to get into" special ends throughout the Canon Chain.

I also have something planned for the big finale of "True Route" (almost precisely the same as the anime, except high Homura affection going into "the final episode(s)"), so don't worry there.

Onto the other threads of Sayaka-centric development. The developments following the results of 12B (Making Amends) are extremely fascinating, a definite setback/strain on Sayaka and Madoka's relationship after what Madoka did. Back in the immediate aftermath of 12B, I did feel Madoka had stepped over the line in making such a presumptuous declaration in place of Sayaka, so this was yet another well-executed logical but unexpected development.

I'm glad it worked for you. My feeling here is that Sayaka is able to separate strongly-held specific moral values from a more generalized care for the people that she is close to. In other words, she likes Madoka a lot, but she's not going to compromise her core moral values just to please or placate Madoka. So I can easily imagine Sayaka arriving at the idea of "Persuade Madoka to not get involved in my Puella Magi life so I can stick to my convictions while still being friends with Madoka".

Beyond that, Madoka in this thread has shown herself to be overtly focused on Sayaka's safety as a first priority, so I wonder to what degree she'll really be able to respect the promise she's just made if/when she gets wind of more dangerous activities on the part of Sayaka in the future. Although at this point, such intervention would likely only make her relationship with Sayaka even worse, I wonder if Madoka will feel like she has a choice or would be able to help herself.

"Are you willing to jeopardize your friendship in order to save your friend?" - This can make for good drama, I think.

The Thankful Sayaka route is interesting because while it seems to be the closest we are currently getting to a Sayaka x Madoka route on the Mami dies side of the storyline, it's also the one in which Sayaka's reckless and impulsive nature seem to put her most at risk. While I certainly hope there will be some way for them to come out in this route safely, Sayaka's exuberance in this plotline presently almost reminds me of Mami in episode 3.

That is intentional on my part. More on that in my reply to Coldlight.

Finally, the Emperor Jinnai section was so exciting that it actually almost felt too short.

I'll admit that this is the chain that I'm still the most divided over, so I'm cautiously making just a few plot decisions per update, see how the readers respond, and then decided where to go from there. So that's why it was a bit short, but I intend to go in a more clear direction in the next Homura/Sayaka Alliance chain update.

I'm impressed with the extent of Jinnai's abilities such that even Homura's timestop abilities have to come into play.

"Unlimited Power" should be pretty impressive, I think, lol. As powerful as Madoka is, there are limitations on it (or she'd never turn into a witch), so for pure magical power, I think Jinnai should be the more powerful of the two, given their respective wishes. It does make for a stronger and more threatening major villain, of course.

It seems like this route is much more action/battle oriented compared to the others, which have romance, but this bit of something different makes these Mami dies chapters also a very engaging read.

Yeah, I decided to have this route be more action/battle oriented to give a different flavor from the other routes, and offer a more full range of simple entertainment to readers (it helps that I myself enjoy this sort of thing, lol). Some of the best professional VNs have a lot of action/battle in them, imo. Fate/Stay Night is one good example here (one person jokingly called this fanfic "Yuri/Stay Night" when talking to me about it ).

Two thoughts which are sitting in my head regarding this plotline: 1) having already established an alliance, will Sayaka/Madoka/Homura be able to bring in Kyouko? and 2) with Homura's timeline reset as a last resort/ultimate weapon, what will she think about this timeline's events.

Good thoughts. You'll soon have answers to them.

Actually, thinking about it now, compared to Homura's timelooping abilities Madoka's skills (when she's a normal magical girl) seem somewhat plain. Although her massive firepower capable of singlehandedly taking on Walpurgisnacht (lol, sorta making Madoka the "tank" of their current party) is certainly important, with Jinnai seemingly able to rival the sheer amount of Madoka's energy, Homura's more unique skills seem more key.

Agreed. Time-Stop is huge. Used well, it's almost like being as fast as Superman. Gen pretty much had to give Homura no magical powers on top of it, or she'd be too powerful for the purposes of PMMM's plot, lol.

Although I would be perfectly happy if this timeline focused a bit more on Homura, I also wonder if you have any plans for any (with potentially either minor or major impacts on the storyline) secondary abilities Madoka might have gained as a result of her wish.

Well, Chapter 12 did hint at that, with what Jinnai said about Madoka's physical strength appearing to be augmented.

I was pleasantly surprised that nobody seems to mind a Madoka that throws actual punches in battle. As such, you might see a bit more of "super strong" Madoka...

Spoiler for Kogetsu Shirogane, on Chapter 12:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

And now for the aftermath of the first encounter with the "villainess" in red...

Spoiler for Canon Meeting:

It seems I really have absolutely no business at all with trying to be in Canon seriously, as in addition to getting two completely different bonus ends already by this point, deciding to blatantly cheat fix Choice 9 to match Alliance(as I only went with B in Canon because I wanted the two to be different) in order to qualify for the HomuMeeting that allows this in the first place... still results in me getting caught in one, because I really can't help myself when it comes to some of these choices.

Don't feel too bad about it. As I explained to Sol, I'm going out of my way to have lots of special ends in the Canon Chain.

Honestly, I've always felt Madoka truly wanted to set things straight with Sayaka.

Agreed. My fanfic is basically arguing that if Madoka felt just a little bit closer to Sayaka, she'd feel like she could safely correct Sayaka even while Sayaka was really caught up in the heat of making arguments.

It's also rather nice to finally have an answer to a question that's been bugging me for a while about these ends... I've been rather curious as to what's been stopping Sayaka from confessing to Kamijo without there being any implication that she knows the truth about Soul Gems... from how I'm interpreting this, it seems she's just uncomfortable actually going through with it. Maybe she thinks it's the guy's job to do that?

It's the one-day time limit. That really is quite brutal. I can easily believe even a pretty confident teenager feeling like they needed more than a mere day to prepare to make a romantic confession.

So if Hitomi had given Sayaka a few days, at least, I think it would have been different.

And just out of curiousity... were Sayaka's burns a reference to what happened to Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight? I mean, with all the Batman references going on, I figured I had to ask.

That might be a fitting analogy, so sure.

Also, I'd like to point out that the music chosen for this section actually did a good job of matching up with the parts I was on... even though it kinda kept going about 30 seconds after I finished reading.

That's great then! The track for it is one I really like, but it starts soft, and ends dramatic-y, so finding a good use for it can be tricky. Thankfully, it sounds like this ending matched with it well.

One last thing... while I haven't really focused too much on, well, what was actually in the series, I think you did a pretty good job of capturing the mood Sayaka was in at this point... man, Kyoko really rubbed her the wrong way... which you've also made abundantly clear in the following section...

My personal history as an American comic book fan probably helps me relate to Sayaka's character here. Kyouko really was like a comic book supervillain in her first couple of anime appearances. I'm sure most comic book superheroes would have been pissed off with her just like Sayaka was.

Of course, Kyouko has very understandable reasons for being like that, but Sayaka didn't know that at the time. Once Sayaka found out about that, she did apologize for misjudging Kyouko.

Spoiler for Making Amends:

Bah, sorry I can't say much about this one... it wasn't exactly something I felt overly comfortable reading, obviously, so that kinda makes it hard to talk about. I do feel I have to praise you for accomplishing that, of course. I'd imagine it's kinda hard to write something so well it actually leaves a reader feeling guilty when they haven't even done anything.

Thanks a lot, lol. Well, you did have to make a questionable choice in order to get this section.

Spoiler for Thankful Sayaka:

This section, on the other hand, is oddly reminiscent of the Mami Lives! side of things in terms of mood... Not quite sure why that is.

I once read an argument that one reason why Sayaka isn't more popular than what she is, is that she never had many chances to simply shine and look cool. So this section is wrote in part to give Sayaka a chance to simply shine. So that's probably why it's more like the generally more update Mami Lives! side of things.

Sayaka's showing off at the end was rather appropriate for her overall personality... and I'm quite interested in whether or not Madoka was right about her guess...

Just think of a gallant knight fighting a dragon in front of a Princess he has a crush on. That should do the trick.

... Following that, a scene involving a green-haired Emperor.

Spoiler for Alliance:

And this side starts with a bang! Well, an explosion of green flames that apparently don't burn, technically, but you know what I mean.

(Also, I love the image used at the start. Quite the face-off picture.)

Thanks a lot! Glad you liked that.

The initial fight sequence was great, albeit slightly brief... Jinnai's inherent defensive ability seems to be quite an obstacle to overcome, though I suppose someone who has conquered entire worlds before should really be expected to have something along those lines.

Agreed.

Anyway... another great update. Looking forward to the next.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Chapter 12:

Originally Posted by Coldlight

Chapter 12: Canon Route Chain

Spoiler for Canon Meeting, OC7B:

With a stern expression to Madoka that she will only accept one chance, one can see how Sayaka has prepared herself mentally at this point for future conflict with other magical girls. She doesn't look forward to fighting them, but has come close to accepting that kind of conflict as inevitable. To me, it is quite believable that with such mental preparation underway, it would be hard for her to simply let go of it all at the drop of a hat.

Precisely. That is exactly my thought here as well, which is why I figured that Sayaka would not instantly adjust to Madoka's revelation on Mami/Homura's last meeting, and also why I think Sayaka would give Madoka's way just one chance.

In the end, with OC7B, Madoka acting on what was a critical mistake in the anime allowed for diplomacy, and cooler heads to prevail. I agree that Homura would be quite stunned by such an encounter with Sayaka, as in prior experiences with Sayaka in the other known timelines there was no precedent for this happening.

I can definitely see the sly Kyuubey making such a suggestion over here regarding the "need for a fourth magical girl to ensure definite victory". On the surface, it makes sense against such a powerful enemy and is also emotionally appealing to help one's friends. However, when Madoka's magical potential of divine proportions is taken into account, one can see that it is a convenient pretext with the ulterior motive of ultimately gaining access to her off-the-charts power.

Glad my handling of Homura and Kyubey in the Canon Couples ending worked for you as well.

Spoiler for a long objection to Sayaka's convalescence:

The aftermath of Sayaka's act of heroism saving Kyouko from that attack seems to be on shaky ground to me, though. While the act itself was unquestionably selfless, heroic and something that she might do for the important people in her life, her stay for a long time in the hospital seems unnecessary from my point of view. One of Sayaka's best known abilities is her fast and effective regeneration, after all. I don't think even such burns would cause her to enter a long period of convalescence, given there is enough magical power available, something which Kyouko has plenty in supply. It might only take 1-2 days at most for her to heal completely.

In this respect, I make a suggestion of, why not reverse Sayaka and Kyouko's parts here instead, so that Kyouko is the one who gets injured to save Sayaka. To avoid making it appear Kyouko is the dominant, chivalrous partner in their growing relationship (which I know you really dislike), it should also follow that her action was the result of Sayaka, overcome with emotional desire to save her loved ones from harm, and also from relative lack of experience, was fighting too recklessly.

Given that Kyouko is a hardened combat veteran, it's less likely for her to make frequent, careless mistakes that would cause her to get easily and seriously hurt in battle, as demonstrated by the way with which she initially fought off Oktavia's multiple attacks in Episode 9, and the fact that unlike her final fight with Oktavia, with Homura and Sayaka with her, Kyouko isn't the only target here, making it easier to dodge attacks. Thus, it would be less believable that Kyouko, who would have faster reflexes from experience, would be the one to get caught by surprise, necessitating Sayaka to save her. She'll only get seriously hurt if she were trying to protect somebody, (like Madoka in Ep. 9), if she were distracted enough (but there's nobody on Walpurgis Night's side to taunt/talk to distract Kyouko sufficiently), or if she gets carried away showing off (like Mami in eps. 2 and 3, but Kyouko isn't the type to take form over function).

Having Kyouko as the one in the hospital would also achieve several things. One, because she only has the basic, slower magical healing that all magical girls have, she will have that long convalescence period you wrote in the hospital. Two, with Kyouko as the one being taken care of, she is not in a position to appear to be the more dominant one in their relationship. Three, performing this act of heroism would also demonstrate Kyouko's reawakening to her old ideals that she shared with (and eventually caused her to like) Sayaka. Lastly, this will also serve as an opportunity for Sayaka to practice healing (also reciprocating Kyouko's feelings in the process), applying some of her healing abilites on others, assuming she may learn it as a skill. Because she has not mastered healing others yet, it won't cause Kyouko to get released too early as well.

I'm still thinking it over, but I'll probably make the edit request you've made here. Let me explain some of my thinking on this though:

1. It makes some sense to me that Walpurgis Night's attacks would be particularly fearsome, perhaps overwhelming Sayaka's magical regenerative abilities to some degree. You could also say that Sayaka's abilities is why she was even able to survive that flame attack.

2. Like yourself, I like the concept of Sayaka making a selfless, heroic act to save Kyouko. I think that this could be a great catalyst for change for Kyouko. This idea really appeals to me.

3. I just love the mental image of Kyouko going all tsundere towards Sayaka, trying to act cool and hide her feelings for Sayaka while she delivers Grief Seeds to her.

But even so, I'll probably make your edit request. If I do so, I'll PM you about it.

I have to agree with the discreetness of their going out on double dates. Nobody would suspect a thing, and even if they weren't being discreet, many people in Japan try to avoid gawking at strangers and lovey-dovey couples, anyway. Objections aside, this would be a great ending for me, had I followed this path. Very close to my ideal one.

A short, but sweet yuri ending. With all the pairings that I approve of (yes, I support the canon ships). ✔

Thanks a lot! I'm glad that everything about the Canon Couples end, except one element of it, worked for you.

The canon ships definitely have their strengths.

Images

Double Date, minus Mami :(

Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

That's a great image! Thanks for sharing!

Spoiler for Making Amends:

Their relationship as friends has taken a big step back there. Understandable, considering the humiliating loss of face and retreat from her convictions that Sayaka had to endure from Madoka's previous capitulation and appeasement of Kyouko. While Madoka originally provided emotional support, if at this rate she was doing more damage to Sayaka's cause than supporting it, then in this case it is reasonable for Sayaka to decide on just going it alone.

As for immediate hopes of further reconciliation, I cannot imagine it happening so easily now. Dark clouds seem to be forming on the horizon...

I'm glad this section worked for you. I was worried I might have made Sayaka a bit too harsh here. Since you don't think so, she probably isn't.

Spoiler for Thankful Sayaka:

The opposite of Making Amends. Sayaka is grateful to Madoka for her (unintentional) assist that caused her to land the winning strike on Kyouko. Her new found fondness for battle is a definitely dangerous development here, and going a bit further from what Sol mentioned, actually reminiscent of Mami's own (fatal) experience. In fact, to me, Sayaka's slowly starting to resemble Mami with her attitude now. I don't know if it's intentional on your part, but that's how I'm seeing this development.

I'm glad that my aim of "Sayaka is becoming like Mami" was achieved here.

Given how much Sayaka admired Mami, and given that I'm working with the concept of Sayaka as "Madoka's best friend who also has romantic feelings for her", I can easily imagine a happy/confident Puella Magi Sayaka being like Mami was (particularly with Madoka present).

I see you've incorporated here Sayaka's previously unused "secret Schlangenform technique" that I mentioned to you before. Did she learn it from Kyouko the way she apparently learned the multiple weapons technique from Mami, by observation?

Yes, that's how she learned it. In my fanfic at least.

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain

Spoiler for Alliance Chain:

That was some nice action that gave me the "final boss fight" vibes, even though it's still possible that they still have Walpurgis Night to confront after this (or maybe not). Still a battle worthy of comparison to big boss fights in many games, with appropriately rousing music.

I'm really glad that my musical additions are getting more attention now. I enjoy imagining these scenes to certain pieces of music, and so I'm glad I'm able to share that enjoyment with my readers.

I'm also very glad that this section achieved the "final boss fight" vibes that I really wanted it to.

I presume it was due to his arrogance that Jinnai allowed the unconscious Homura, with her dangerous abilities, to be lightly guarded and thus easily rescued by Madoka.

That works for me.

One problem for them I see now is that although her wish didn't cause Jinnai to become stronger, him being the new ruler of the world means he'd have access to the forces of every nation on earth. This means that Madoka and company would have to finish this battle soon before he calls in some reinforcements. Or an event that reverses what has been done by her wish happens. Fortunately, with Homura's magic, time is on their side, whereas normally, time would be on Jinnai's side without her abilities.

You might be surprised by what I'm thinking of doing here... Although I will take your own ideas into consideration as well.

Now that the big battle has begun in earnest, I can see this arc ending in 1-2 chapters, and depending on possible enemies to face after Jinnai, possibly this chain as well.

Woah, slow down there. This is still a romance-based VN don't forget. As Action-oriented as this chain is, I still intend to at least give the reader a choice of a Homura or Sayaka romance end in this chain as well. Mind you, it'll be less detailed in this one than in other chains since this chain is much more about the action/battles.

But I'll keep it in mind that you're cool with this particular chain soon being brought to a conclusion.

Thank you for updating as soon as you were able to, Triple_R. I hope your issues have been resolved for you to be updating us now. That was a really nice read, and for the most part, I liked the surprise OC7B ending.

Thanks a lot! And yeah, my issues have pretty much been resolved now, and I appreciate you remembering them like that.

Spoiler for Deikan, on Mami Lives Chapter 6, Mami Romance Section:

Originally Posted by Deikan

OH MY GOD!! I'm truly impressed by the lasted Madoka x Mami and Madoka x Sayaka update. It was definitely refreshing to see different perspectives from each of the heroines, and the way you've written how they interacted and sounded was truly convincing. Bravo you never cease to amaze me with the scenarios you write. "Standing ovation & applause".

I'm very glad that you were pleased with this update, given how much you were looking forward to it. I was a little bit worried that the Mami/Homura confrontation might spoil the fun for you, so I'm glad it didn't.

Like always before I give you my final grade, I'm going to give you some honest thoughts about the current chapters/scenarios you've written. Well, here we go.

Ahem:

Part One:

Current Mami x Madoka Route Scenario:

Phase One: The Overnight Trip

When Kamijou called Mami Dai-sensei I thought; Kore wa Zombie, Desu ka? Anyone Pretty clever!!

Take to the topic:

The romance between the two still growing stronger and the chance to see Mami and Madoka give their thoughts really made the read more enjoyable. During the read about the date Madoka was her shy and nervous self while Mami was calm and collected, as always. It's only natural because it's within their character so don't change was works.

Yeah, I think it makes sense for Mami to usually take the lead in this romance, even though Madoka was the one to confess to begin it.

I also refreshing for Madoka to show her cuteness when she was a little jealous when boys came to flirt with Mami, and for her to come out of her nervousness at times and truly enjoy herself and Mami did her part of doing that.

Mami is a beautiful blonde big-breasted teenage girl - I joked to Kogetsu that it would be unrealistic for her to not get hit on by teenage guys while at the beach. So I just had to write that. It's good that Madoka's reaction to that worked for you.

The hot dog kiss reminded me of the one Disney movie with the two dogs and the spaghetti...you get the idea. Was that kiss based off that or non intentional?

It was indeed based off of Lady and the Tramp. That, and Kyouko Sakura, who is also famous for the "food kiss" of course, lol.

Spoiler for First Day:

When the day started to Mami was quite pushy (in a good sense) when it comes to her loving Madoka deeply while Madoka was still hesitant as always (Remembering the Mami's Offer back in Chapter 3. Really loved that chapter ) taking it to the next level.

The three choices that were offered made sense because it shows us how Madoka feels when it comes to a time where one wants to get beyond the point of intimacy and the possible hesitations that come with it. Great job on emphasizing Madoka's and Mami feelings when it comes to that, and it amazes me how much thought you put into the choices you've made.

Thanks a lot! Well, intimacy is an important part of almost any serious romance, so I think how the two partners approach it early on will impact things later on.

During the first part of the read I was reminded of this one song. I think it totally fits with the scenario. I'll put this the song link there if you're interested, it truly fits to the situation of this scenario...the first part. If you do listen I hope you enjoy it.

Spoiler for Date Song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Poqnf...eature=related

Phase Two: The Last Day

Cute song. Thanks for sharing! It probably is a bit similar to how Madoka was feeling here, at least until Mami swept her off her feet.

The last day of the beach trip was quite interesting with the volleyball couple tournament, and the introduction to two interesting characters, and a possible threat to Madoka's and Mami's relationship with each other.

I wanted the first day to just be nice, soft, "slice of life-esque" romance anime. A nice breather before the more interesting second day with many more conflicts to it.

Spoiler for Last Day:

Sailor Neptune and Uranus...interesting. Well adding them was a surprise at the same time kind of logical because in a way they're both Mami and Madoka's predecessors because Sailor Moon started the whole Magical Girl/Yuri scenario. Sorry Sailor Moon but Madoka has stolen the show now!!

Agreed. I think it's nice to pay just a little tribute to the anime that was such a popular trail-blazer for modern Magical Girl anime, and its frequently yuri vibes.

Back on topic. ahem:

Having a witch attack the beach and the drastic ominous change to the bright and happy scenery really added suspense and thriller to the scenario (I listened to the music btw...good choice) Mami fighting side by side with other Magical Girls outside the "norm" was quite amusing to read considering that they're "senpai's" in there own right.

I kind of imagined the Mami Romance section of this chapter as a complete anime episode. So after a 15 minutes of a more standard (but hopefully well-executed) beach episode, you get some intense action to cap it all off.

Adding Homura to the mix really made really made the story more dramatic and made me glued to the edge of seat. As I read it, it's logical considering that Madoka is her top priority above anything else because of her mission/love for her. Two interesting things that made this more exciting:

1. The impeccable timing of her arrival to save Madoka from the witch and prevent her from selling her soul to the dev...I mean Kyubey.

2. Suddenly confession her love to Madoka and possibly threatening the relationship between the Mami and Madoka.

I'm glad that worked for you. Along with what you wrote, I felt a need to get Homura more involved here, based on the feedback Sol had given me for previous chapters.

I really enjoyed how you emphasized Mami's insecurities when it comes to Madoka's safety and her Magical Girl prowess. It's obvious that Mami feels threaten and like I said in the previous Mami romance chapters that she longs for a family and found it in Madoka, and it looks like it could be taken from her again.

Exactly. Very well-said!

It pains to see Mami's self-esteem get shot down because she nearly lost her life for the second time and Homura adding fuel to the fire saying that she can't protect Madoka, her girlfriend. It gives a good idea that Madoka's feelings are being conflicted with her love and comfort for Mami and the sudden love confession from Homura. Madoka wants a compromise for both of them but judging by situation one wrong decision from her, Mami or Homura could get hurt.

Exactly. Madoka has a tough situation here to resolve going forward.

Scenario Rank:

Spoiler for Pros:

The story amazing, the length was excellent, vute, dramatic, romantic, and really makes you want to know more judging by the way it ended. I'm giving you a 9.5/10. Congrats you've earned it. You rock!!

Wow, thanks a lot!

Spoiler for Cons:

The making love portion of the story felt incomplete. Have you read my PM.That's all.

Excellent job as always, I'll give you my Sayaka review after I give my fingers some rest and after I comeback from a Korean BBQ invitation someone invited me too. I can't wait for the next update, Keep them coming!!

Hope you enjoyed your BBQ. I look forward to your Sayaka section review!

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

Sorry about the lateness of this reply. There's been a lot going on for me lately, so I haven't really had all that much time for internet stuff. I know that's not a very good excuse, but it's all I really have.

Enough delays... we're off to the beach!

Spoiler for Delicious M&M:

And things are off to a good start... especially if you were like me and encouraged Sayaka to invite Kamijo into the circle, so to speak.

Mami's narration seemed spot on, and it's rather interesting to see Kyoko being brought up here. I wonder... was Mami hoping for something more than just friendship with her? Idle thoughts, I'll admit, but I figured it'd be worth bringing up.

While I haven't been in a beach house due to never taking a trip to the beach, I must say your descriptions of both did a pretty good job of giving me a good mental image of them. Gotta admit, that beach house certainly does sound like a nice place to spend a day or two in.

The hotdog scene was kinda funny... spicy indeed. Ah well, they have some Morning Rescue to go with it... even though 6PM is hardly "morning."

So anyway... is everyone going to call Madoka a Princess at some point? Sayaka has a very specific reason for it, Mami was building a castle around over her, and Jinnai... used it mockingly. While it shouldn't be too hard to picture Homura using the term for her, seeing as Madoka's kinda the princess and last boss at the same time in half of the previous time lines, I'm kinda curious as to what context would result in Kyoko calling her that.

For the record, I totally find it believable that Mami would have guys hitting on her. I believe my exact thoughts when reading that scene were "I guess that's the problem with having a buxom blonde bombshell of a girlfriend." Of course, she's not exactly interested in guys, so they're barking up the wrong tree, so to speak.

As for the second bit of Mami narration... I gotta say, the late night stroll was really nice... and led to a moment that was really surprising. "Smooth Operator" Mami not able to finish a sentence!? Shock! Of course, the reason for it makes things quite understandable. And I absolutely love the section names. The shower part was funny, too.

The next day starts off with a beach volleyball tournament. The first two rounds sounded really good for the duo, though unfortunately even with Mami's considerable talent, the opponents they encountered in the third kinda put a stop to their fun. I don't know why Madoka thought they were a couple, they're obviously just cousins! :P

The witch was certainly interesting, and I loved your description of the barrier. The familiars... oh wow, that was funny. I HUNGER!

Unfortunately, it seems as though Mami's Magical Muskets are no match for the cosmic power this witch possessed, as she took quite a beating before Kyubey arrived to be his usual ratty self. Thankfully Homura stalks Madoka for a living happened to follow them, though unfortunately her presence caused issues... I mean... wow... sorry, Homura. While I did say I wanted to play nice with you, the remarks you made here were a bit out of line, so I'm standing by Mami. And oh, the revelations that would have been had if I didn't. Well, for Madoka, seeing as I'm sure most of the readers here already assumed what was said.

... And let's not forget the section I'm actually in.

Spoiler for Scrumptious Skittles:

Ah, the meddling white rat. Honestly... as much as I'd love to help Kamijo out, Sayaka didn't wish for him either in this route... ah well, I guess I'll talk about it anyway.

Spoiler for MFS2A:

This started off with something... angelic. Honestly, I don't think you or Sayaka could have put it any better, given how Madoka was described. And the direct results of the wish were definitely good... alas, as they say, "all good things must come to an end."

Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear, I don't hate Homura or what she did here. I can understand why she did what she did. Madoka being a Puella Magi generally is a bad thing, and while I do like the idea of the interesting reversal in terms of who's the PM and who's the normal girl, I do think it'd be better for Sayaka to play the Knight in Shining Armor to Madoka's Princess. It just seems right, y'know?

Anyway... hm... so in this one, Sayaka seduces Madoka... interesting... Unfortunately, Sayaka gave her life to save the city from WN. I would have liked for there to be a better outcome, but I guess there is a trend of her not exactly doing all that well in that battle, and she has far less experience going into it this time.

Meanwhile... I suppose neither Mami nor Madoka has to be alone in this ending. That's good, right? I mean, they had to be pretty close for this to happen, anyway.

Anyway, back to the way I actually went.

Spoiler for The Way Kogetsu Actually Went:

The first portion of this is largely similar to the start of the "Bittersweet Melancholy" end, albeit with the obvious changes Madoka not being a Puella Magi would create. Meanwhile, I wonder what Madoka had planned on doing to show her thanks... I guess that will have to wait until next time, as Hitomi decided to pull Sayaka away...

And I guess that leads to the "big" part of this half of the update. For once, Hitomi's revelation had... well, the exact opposite effect. I bet you had fun writing this scene. Gotta say, Hitomi being the one floored by a reveal is certainly a great twist. She seemed to take it about as well as I had imagined.

I will say that I'm pretty sure Hitomi knowing won't be an issue after this update... after all, it took her quite a while to finally admit to Sayaka that she also had feelings for Kamijo, so I'd imagine she'll respect Sayaka's request to keep things a secret... right?

Anyway, the next update seems like it'll be interesting. Can't wait to see it. I also really enjoyed this one. Nice job.

[Coldlight]

Finally back up to speed. I've been falling behind a lot lately, my apologies for that.

Mami Lives, Mami Route:

Spoiler for Mami Route feedback:

Time for some sunny beach fun. I'm finding something of a discrepancy between Mami's assertion that the train arrived at 6 PM, and Madoka exclaiming that it's a bright sunny day upon arrival. Should the train have arrived earlier in the afternoon instead? 6 PM is already more or less dusk time with the setting sun, and all. Or is it night swimming under the light of the moon instead?

It's easy to imagine the beach being packed with people, considering that Japan is notorious its for dense concentrations of people in more recent times. I assume that their shrinking population problem has been remedied by then.

That's an interesting twist you put on the "Pocky game" there. One that fans of this ship might really enjoy, I imagine. Spotted one of those "head" jokes as well. About that shared shower, It made me remember a joke line: "Conserve water, shower with partner!" Those are some nice choices you made for their swimsuits, I liked it (and the pic).

Those two characters you introduced in the volleyball match caught my curiosity. Were they from other source material, other stories, or originals? The battle was interestingly quite detailed, but unfortunately I did not get any references there, as it seemed to have. However, what happened to the other magical girl in the scene? Did she just leave like that?

I imagine it must be painful for Homura with her unrequited feelings to see Madoka being so close to Mami here. That she continues to be unfaltering in her single mission for Madoka is admirable on her behalf, even knowing that she has little chance at this point. I must say that she's definitely made up of some very strong stuff here, avoiding a Shana Final-style loss of purpose/destruction of Raison d'être "Heroic BSOD".

Spoiler for Section M4A:

The normal option. Since this is already deep into Mami's route, it would make sense for most people who are in here for Mami x Madoka romance to choose this one. I feel sorry for Homura here though, because this is essentially Madoka rejecting her. Permanently "friendzoned", so to speak, but it is likely the right option to stay on track for Mami's path.

Spoiler for Section M4B:

The option for the more curious. Despite having already entered Mami's route, this one represents an attempt to avoid alienating another love interest. "Do not burn your bridges", so to speak. Homura here has essentially confessed to Madoka, even though she is already going out with Mami. This path could potentially lead to a love triangle situation, now that Madoka has shown signs of wavering for her feelings with Mami.

I've also been wondering who this Kazuki Kudo person was for a while, though. A character crossover from somewhere else? Or an original character?

Mami Lives, Sayaka Route:

Spoiler for Sayaka Route feedback:

Back on the home track. For this I officially chose [MFS2B]. No way I'm making a deal with any non-human "White Devil". Especially not a deal trading my life, humanity, freedom and future for a person who I barely even know.

I like how Madoka's worries are gradually being dispelled from the sincerity of Sayaka's feelings displayed in that picture. That bright smile that Sayaka made to Madoka before she left could also have an effect as well. I wonder what Madoka was planning to do here before Hitomi took Sayaka away for The Talk.

I'm glad that my faith in Sayaka here proved to be correct, at least for this part. She delivered, and pulled through the apparent crisis with relative ease. It was kind of amusing to see the tables turned on Hitomi here for this particular scene, one scene that I hated in the anime. I actually even felt like gloating there. "Hah! Who's the one dropping the bombshell now?"

Spoiler for MFS2A:

I knew it, making this choice was a bad idea. It just felt wrong to me for Madoka to make that choice, in more ways than one, and ones correctly stated by Homura. Madoka essentially became a proxy for Sayaka as a result.

I admit I'm a little disturbed about just how happy Sayaka was for Madoka making the wish for her. I was actually expecting a reaction from Sayaka more similar to an expression of horror that Madoka had turned into a magical girl, and moreover, it was for a wish that was "wasted" on someone she barely knew, and the implication that she wished it because she was having doubts about Sayaka's sincerity.

That reaction of course, assumed that Sayaka had already let go of her feelings for Kyousuke. Because that doesn't seem to be the case here, then it can't be helped, I guess.

Not really a bittersweet end for me. Rather, a bitter end. Or more precisely, a bad end.

Seems I have to leave for a short while. I'll get back to you later with a few more things, including the usual proofreading report in a PM.

[Sol Falling]

Apologies for the delay on my end this time around as well. Although the end of the week period always seems to be my most busy period during this school semester/anime season, I will continue trying to post my feedback two-to-three days after your updates at the very latest. In any case, you've once again presented us with a very compelling chapter/update.

The more frequent perspective changes you used in these sections was an interesting experiment. I thought they worked quite well interspersed into the written narrative, but I admit I did wonder a bit how they would be done from a VN perspective. They are a bit different from the earlier perspective switches you used for scenes where Madoka was not present, but in the end I suppose the implementation could be very similar.

The start of the beach trip was quite relaxing and natural. Only one thing jumped out at me, which was that they only arrived at the beach at 6 pm, but I suppose it's the fact that we're only coming out of winter now that's influencing me (lol). During the summer, even arriving at 6 pm Mami and Madoka would probably be able to enjoy a reasonable amount of sunlight.

(Regarding Mami and Madoka's lovemaking scene, I wonder if I can assume that it has once again been written and will be a private offering? On that note, I admit that I am also intrigued by the original "surfing" witch's backstory that you mentioned too.)

References/homages to Michiru and Haruka of Sailor Moon will always be welcomed . Actually, I was too young myself to have comprehensively caught too much of Sailor Moon during its original airings, but ever since I got into yuri, even with my lack of knowledge regarding the franchise, the reverence with which I've seen the community treat Michiru x Haruka has also made me a genuine fan of them (or maybe I should just say, I've run across some true gems of doujinshi). As such, I actually would have been interested in even more interaction of Michiru or Haruka together with Mami and Homura after the witch battle.

Moving on to the events with Mami and Homura themselves, haha, damn I really have to give it to you for producing yet another tough and fascinating scenario. On the one hand, given their romance and Mami's insecurities, standing by her and offering unwavering support her seems like the "right" thing to do. However, picking choice A seems to unnecessarily shut out Homura and, by isolating Mami, also forces her (Mami) into ever more dangerous positions as a Mahou Shoujo. On the other hand, my natural inclination is always to keep the door open and try to get closer to Homura. However, despite choice B being almost too successful at that in seemingly opening up a very questionable romance route with Homura, the tensions it raises in Madoka's relationship with Mami just scream out "bad" or "dangerous" (lol, in my fantasy land choice B would lead to yet another harem ending; however, the tone of the section makes it feel like a "Nice Boat"/Ito Makoto end might be even more likely :P).

Well, for the record, I probably would have gone with choice B anyway lol.

On the MFS chain, first the MFS2A ending. Bittersweet Melancholy is very apt, to think that it could end with the death of Sayaka. Overall this ending represents a strikingly sensible path of decisions by all girls involved, with the aftermath of Madoka's decision to contract not leading to despair/chaos--but, due to Madoka's feelings of true goodwill reaching Sayaka, leading to Sayaka reversing the sacrifice both on account of her natural feelings (to be a protector), and her inclination to heed Homura's advice/warning. The fact that all parties involved managed to understand each other and care about each other's happiness is what makes it all the more saddening that this path could have lead to Sayaka's passing. Although in the end Madoka achieved some semblance of happiness together with Mami, this was still a very sad and thought-provoking ending.

By contrast, although my original choice would have naturally been to pick B and not have Madoka contract, the fact that the "Bittersweet Melancholy" end played out so peacefully/reasonably made me even question myself about whether path B will run along so smoothly. The confrontation/confession scene with Hitomi was indeed very refreshing/interesting, what with Sayaka and Hitomi's switched positions. However, seeing all the shock and uneasiness in Hitomi's demeanour, somehow I am not completely confident that Hitomi has taken all of this in in stride and that this is the end of these issues. Although no immediate conflict stands at the forefront of this path right now, for this section too I am eagerly anticipating future developments.

Good work this time. Although this chapter was longer than usual as you stated, while reading I became engaged and hardly noticed it. Interesting developments were to be had in all parts of the story. Thanks for the update, and as always I'll be looking forward to the next one .

[Triple_R]

Chapter 13
Canon Route Chain

“Oh! Kamijo left the hospital yesterday.”

That's what the nurse said to me after I opened up the door to his hospital room around 7:30 PM on Sunday, and had been surprised to not see Kyousuke there.

“His rehabilitation went pretty well, so we pushed his schedule ahead.” the nurse continued in explanation to me.

“R-Really...” I answered.

I was very glad that Kyousuke was doing well, but at the same time I was a bit upset that neither him or anybody from his family had taken the time to tell me that he had been released from the hospital. But I was only a bit upset, as I guess that Kyousuke probably had to leave the hospital unexpectedly quickly, causing him to forget to call me amidst taking the time to pick up some of his belongings and head home.

And so it was now to Kyousuke's home that I headed. I wanted to visit him this evening, to see how he was doing. I also was considering confessing my feelings to him soon. But before I felt comfortable acting on that, I had to know that Kyousuke was feeling well again. I didn't want to place any burdens on his heart if he wasn't!


I arrived at his home just after the sun had set, and with night beginning to set in. I was about to push the doorbell when I suddenly heard violin music. It was Kyousuke! It was him playing the violin.

The sound of it was so beautiful... so enchanting... that I just wanted to stand there and bask in the uplifting music uninterrupted before I made my presence known.

Unfortunately, it would not be long before it was interrupted for me.


If you chose C for Choice 12, read Section A Startling Meeting and disregard the rest of the chapter.

If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance.

If you chose A for Choice 12, skip over both of these sections.

Spoiler for A Startling Meeting:

“You must be very proud of yourself.” I heard the voice of Akemi Homura coming from behind me!

I then turned quickly about, taking a defensive stance.

“Don't worry.” Homura continued, “I'm not here to accost you or to fight you. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

“...What do you mean?” I asked her, as I relaxed myself a bit given these unusually soft words from Homura.

“I'm sincerely impressed.” Homura began in answer, “You've managed to not only defeat Kyouko Sakura, but also put her out of commission for weeks, if not months.”

“Is she a friend of yours?” I asked, worried that Homura might be here to seek revenge on me if so.

“My association with Kyouko Sakura isn't the issue here.” Homura replies, “The issue here is that... I need your help, Sayaka Miki.”

This was the most startling statement to me yet.

“Ok, I'm seriously confused.” I said to Homura, while leaning my head in towards her and placing my hands on my hips, “Weren't you totally against Madoka and I becoming magical girls?”

“Yes, I was.” Homura answered, “And I still am, as far as Madoka is concerned. But you've surprised me, Sayaka. You're a stronger Puella Magi than I thought you would be. Strong enough to be a help instead of a hindrance against Walpurgis Night.”

“What's Walpurgis Night?” I asked, as this conversation was proving to be increasingly interesting.

“Walpurgis Night is an extremely powerful and monstrous witch.” Homura began in answer, “And it's on its way to Mitakihara Town. Mami Tomoe and myself both knew this a week ago. We disagreed on how best to prepare for it. Mami felt that the best way to prepare for it was to recruit more magical girls, probably hoping to defeat Walpurgis Night through sheer weight of numbers. But I felt that new and inexperienced magical girls would be of little use against Walpurgis Night. Also, I didn't want to see them die in vain while fighting it.”

“... I see.” I replied to that, “Wait... is that why you didn't want Madoka and I to become magical girls?!”

“Precisely.” Homura answered, “I felt that both of you would be in over your heads as completely new and inexperienced magical girls fighting Walpurgis Night. But your decisive victory over the experienced Kyouko Sakura has demonstrated to me that you're a much better Puella Magi than I thought you would be, Sayaka Miki.”

“I... thank you.” I replied, unable to refrain from blushing over Homura's kind words.

“So I'm here to extend my hand to you.” Homura continued, “Let us work together to prepare for the arrival of Walpurgis Night. Working together, we should be able to defeat it!”

Homura than held out her hand towards me.

“I don't know...” I replied uneasily, “I'd like to believe you. Really, I would. But you have given me reason to suspect that you care more about Grief Seeds than you do about protecting people from witches or familiars. You did let Mami die after all...”

“No, I didn't.” Homura replied coolly to that, while bringing her hand back to her side, “I wanted to save Mami from the witch that killed her. Unfortunately, Mami herself prevented me from doing that. She entrapped me within magical strands. If you don't believe me, ask Madoka about it, as she was there. I'm sure she'll tell you the truth if you ask her about it.”

I have found Homura deeply suspicious, and even really weird if not completely crazy, from the first day I met her. She was so cryptic and inexplicable in everything that she did!

Until now...

I had to admit that her words now had the ring of truth to them. She was speaking plainly and unguarded, for a change. Her reasoning for initially not wanting me to become a Puella Magi made sense to me. I guess if nothing else, she does at least deserve the benefit of the doubt.

“Ok.” I said to Homura, “I'll talk to Madoka about it. If she confirms your story, I... I'll agree to work with you in preparing for this Walpurgis Night!”

“Excellent.” Homura replied, “I'm glad that you're willing to listen to reason. However, don't tell Madoka about Walpurgis Night.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“I may have been wrong about you, but I'm not wrong about her.” Homura continued, “Madoka is not suited for being a magical girl, so she shouldn't be given any incentives to become one. You and I are sufficient for defeating Walpurgis Night. Let's not needlessly risk your best friend's life. I'm sure you wouldn't want to see her get hurt.”

“I think you might be underestimating Madoka.” I replied with a smile, thinking on how big a help Madoka has been to me lately, “But if leaving her out of it is necessary for you and I to get along, then maybe that's for the best. So fine, I'll not tell her about Walpurgis Night. I'll just ask her about your story on how Mami tied you up. Now if I find out that you're lying to me, Homura...”

“I'm not.” Homura quickly interjected, “Please, let's put our past differences behind us and work towards protecting our city.”

“If Madoka confirms your story, I'll do that.” I replied.

“Good.” Homura said, “Then there's just one last thing I want to talk to you about.”

“What's that?” I asked.

“I don't want to intrude on your personal life.” Homura began in reply, “But it might be a good idea if you... settled things with Kyousuke Kamijo soon. It's apparent to me that you have feelings for him. You don't want any distractions in your life when it comes time to face Walpurgis Night, so you may want to get any romantic confession to him out of the way in order to better mentally prepare for Walpurgis Night.”

“I'm sorry, but that's not really any of your business.” I responded to Homura, while narrowing my eyes towards her.

“Anything that helps ensure the safety of the people of this city is my business.” Homura replied, “Let me make this simple. The next two weeks may be difficult for you if you do not settle things with Kyousuke Kamijo. And it is essential that you maintain your own well-being through those two weeks, in time to face Walpurgis Night. Your city... no, rather, your country... needs you, Sayaka Miki. Don't forget that in the two weeks to come.”

Homura then turned away from me, and began to walk away.

This entire conversation was one big surprise to me, but Homura's final words to me were particularly surprising. For the briefest of moments there, she shockingly sounded like some sort of hero of justice! Is it actually possible that her views on protecting people from witches and familiars are the same as mine?

I guess that I'll soon know, presuming that Homura's story holds up when I question Madoka about it tomorrow.

As for Kyousuke... Maybe it would be a good idea if I confessed to him soon. Not tonight, but soon.

I then pushed on the doorbell to the Kamijo Estate. I was warmly welcomed at the door by Kyousuke's father, and ushered in. Kyousuke himself seemed surprised but happy to see me. I decided to be slightly flirtatious towards him while I chatted with him, and listened to some music with him. Kyousuke really didn't seem all that interested in flirting back to me... but he didn't exactly seem bothered by it either.

In any event, this had proven to be a great weekend! A familiar and a witch both defeated, a victory over a bad Puella Magi, my friendship with Madoka strengthened, and the possibility of a former enemy becoming a valued ally. Everything had been going wonderfully since I had become a Puella Magi! I really hope that this would continue to be the case.

I felt the presence of somebody behind me. As I turned around, I was alarmed by who it was! It was the redheaded Puella Magi that I had a confrontation with a couple days ago! Except she was now in normal clothes, a green top and blue jean shorts. She had a proud smirk on her face, as she bit into a crispy snack.

Spoiler for Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance:

“Just so you know, I've been tracking you most of the day.” she said to me.

“That's pretty creepy...” I couldn't help but say in turn to that.

“Hey now, I have good reason for tracking you!” she replied, “And that's to make sure you don't go killing any familiars! The 24 hour time limit I gave you was up this time yesterday. It looks like you've smartly decided to go along with the words of your friend and I. Am I right, or are we gonna have to fight?!”

“Leave Madoka out of this.” I replied sternly to her, “I took today off from Puella Magi responsibilities, that's all. I intend to get back to them tomorrow, and when I do, I won't shy away from going after familiars as well as witches!”

The redheaded magical girl briefly closed her eyes and breathed a deep sigh over my words.

“You just don't learn, do you?” she asked rhetorically, “Speaking of which...”

“Are you just gonna go home?” she asked me, “But you've been chasing him all day.”

“You...” I replied, as hearing her delve into my personal life angered me.

“This is the kid, right?” she continued in question, “The reason you made a contract with Kyubey. You seriously wasted your one miracle on this crap?”

“You'll never understand!” I shouted at her for daring to question my wish!

“You're the one who doesn't understand!” she shouted back at me, “The point of magic is making your wishes come true. Nothing good happens if you use it for someone else! Didn't Mami Tomoe even tell you that?”

I gritted my teeth at this awful girl's words, as she dishonors Mami's very name by talking about her like this.

“There's an easier way to own your man, anyway.” she said to me, after a tense pause, “Just use that magic you worked so hard for.”

“What?” I asked uneasily, as I didn't like where this was leading.

“Just go in there and break his arms and legs so he'll never be able to use them again.” she answered.

My eyes want wide in complete shock over this girl's horrifically evil words!

“Make him totally helpless without you.” she continued, “Then he'll be totally yours... body and soul.”

I started trembling in the fiercest anger I've ever felt. This girl...!

“I'll do it for you if you don't have the guts.” she continued, “As a favour from one Puella Magi to another. It's easy.”

“I... I can't stand you anymore.” I replied to her, as I could barely contain my anger and extreme displeasure with this wicked Puella Magi, “This time, I'll...”

“Let's go somewhere else, then.” she stated to me, “Someone will see us here.”


I was sitting at my computer desk, thinking a lot over the advice my mama had given me. I was writing out an old poem to try to relax my mind. I find that my thoughts are often the most clear and helpful when I'm in the midst of artistic pursuits. But even with me doing so, my mama's words hung uneasily in my mind. They were clear enough, but how do I apply them practically? But this question would soon be dashed from my mind by the appearance of Kyubey!

'Madoka.' I heard him call out to me telepathically, 'Madoka!'

I then turned my head about to the side to look towards my bedroom window. Kyubey was now perched just outside of it.

'Hurry! Sayaka's in danger!' he stated to me, 'Follow me.'


If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Unsure Madoka. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Unsure Madoka:

My instinctive thought and desire was to leap into action for Sayaka's sake! But I quickly recall how I told her that I'd try to not get involved in the Puella Magi side of her life from now on. So I couldn't help but wonder if I should follow Kyubey, since whatever danger Sayaka is now in probably has to do with the Puella Magi side of her life.

But ultimately my desire to see Sayaka remain safe overrode my desire to keep true to my word.

So I decided to follow Kyubey.


I was pumped for a great fight! I gotta say that I love the thrill of using my Puella Magi powers in combat. And using them only against witches can get boring after awhile. This naive blue-haired kid has no real chance of winning against me, but I'm confident that she'll put up an interesting struggle at least.

It's a shame that I'm gonna have to take her out, because she is kinda hot, especially when I manage to get her all upset and flustered. Ah well, she seems to be more into guys anyway.

So here on this bridge above some of the busiest roads in town, I'm gonna put on one helluva show! I just hope that Akemi Homura doesn't get in the way. I know she wanted to handle this discreetly, but where's the fun in that?!

“No holding back up here.” I said to the blue-haired kid.

“Let's put on a good show!” I shouted, as I threw my hand forward, and caused transformation magic to pop outta my ring!

I then transformed into my Puella Magi outfit that was inspired by the old Pirates of the Caribbean classics, and stylish medieval fashions in general! Johnny Depp was one cool actor! Too bad he was before my time.

But as I carefully landed on my feet, all I could think of now was the upcoming fight, especially as my opponent was holding out her Soul Gem, about to transform! Bring it on, girl! Let's see what you're made of!


No! It looked like Sayaka was about to get into another dangerous fight. Kyubey was right to bring me to this bridge, as Sayaka was in danger!


If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Madoka Makes a Hard Choice. Otherwise, skip over it.

Spoiler for Madoka Makes a Hard Choice:

But then I thought about how Sayaka wanted me to butt out of her Puella Magi life. I hated the thought of letting Sayaka get into a dangerous fight, but I also hated the thought of not abiding by what she had dearly wanted me to do. Should I get involved, or should I not?


Choice 13:

A) Stay just out of sight, and carefully watch on. Don't get involved unless absolutely necessary.

B) Try to stop Sayaka right now!


If you choose A, read Section Decisive Battle. Otherwise, skip over it and read the rest of the chapter.

Spoiler for Decisive Battle:

Against my more natural inclinations, I decided to hang back, as I wanted to at least try to abide by Sayaka's desire for me to not get involved in the Puella Magi side of her life. So while just beyond the sight of Sayaka and her opponent, I watched on.

In a brilliant flash of bluish-white light, Sayaka quickly transformed into her Puella Magi outfit! But just before her and Kyouko Sakura were about to come to blows, Homura appeared seemingly out of nowhere! She was now standing next to Kyouko.

“Just what do you think you're doing?” Homura asked a stunned Kyouko, “You're on top of a bridge over one of the busiest highways in town. Are you trying to let the entire world in on the existence of magical girls?!”

“And what would be wrong with that?!” Kyouko asked in turn, “Then us magical girls would get the respect that we deserve.”

“Stop acting crazy.” Homura said to her, “We discussed this. You're not supposed to do anything.”

“Your plan's too slow!” Kyouko exclaimed in irritation towards Homura, “Besides, we're all ready to fight!”

“Then I'll fight her.” Homura said, while casually walking pass Kyouko and staring at Sayaka, “Stay put this time.”

“Fine.” Kyouko replied, a bit dejectedly, “You've got until I'm done eating.”

“That's enough.” Homura said to that.

“Are you making fun of me?!” Sayaka asked Homura angrily.

“Not at all.” Homura replied, “You fight quickly and intensely, as do I. So one way or another, this fight will be over soon. ...Now, hero, lets see if you're able to avenge Mami Tomoe's death.”

“You better believe that I will avenge it!” Sayaka shouted with righteous indignation at Homura.

Sayaka then sprinted rapidly towards Homura, while fuelled by adrenaline and a loud battle cry!


And this would be the end of Sayaka Miki's story.

She almost managed to close the distance between her and I before I activated my time freeze. Impressively quick, but not quick enough.

I don't like doing what I was now about to do, but this was truly the best choice left open to me. Sakura will likely stop at nothing to end Miki's life, and her way would be far too showy and messy. Even so, I'd feel compelled to try to talk Sakura and Miki into a peaceful compromise if not for one cold, hard fact: Magical girls turn into witches. And I can tell that Miki is already going down the dark path that leads to that. If Hitomi Shizuki and Kyousuke Kamijo make the same decisions in this timeline as they did in the third, then Sayaka Miki is destined to become a witch in mere days.

So what I'm about to do is for the best, for all parties involved.

Madoka will soon have one more perfect reason to want to stay far away from the world of magical girls and witches.

Sakura's blood-lust will be satiated, and I'll better be able to plan with her for the coming Walpurgis Night.

As for Miki... She'll die thinking that she's a hero facing a horrible villain. I played the villain to give her that much comfort, at least. In doing so, she'll be spared heartbreak and turning into a witch.


Two shots. Two bullets. One directly to Miki's Soul Gem situated over her stomach, and then a second aimed straight at her heart. The first shot will kill her instantly, hopefully painlessly. The second will make it look like she died from a shot through the heart, thus hiding the horrible truth about Soul Gems from Sakura.

Clean, neat, and tidy. Completely logical and completely in line with my plans.

... And yet a small part of me, deep down inside, screams in horror over what I'm about to do. But I quickly silence that part of me with the thought that this will help protect Madoka.

Goodbye, Sayaka Miki.


The next thing I heard was two gunshots fired! A-And Sayaka's blood spurting out of her chest, with some of it landing on Homura's face! Sayaka's body was flung backwards by the force of the two gunshots, causing her to land on her back with a wretched-sounding thud.

“What the hell did you just do?!” a wide-eyed Kyouko asked Homura.

“You just saw why the cavalry charge became obsolete once standing armies had effective guns and rifles to use.” answered Homura, “I shot two bullets through her. She's dead.”

“I... wow.” Kyouko replied, “Using conventional weapons in a fight between magical girls was much more effective than I ever thought it would be!”

“None of us magical girls are invulnerable.” Homura said to Kyouko, “Remember that when you and I face Walpurgis Night together. I'll meet up with you tomorrow so we can start planning for that fight.”

Homura then casually walked away, while Kyouko slowly recomposed herself, and I... I was completely petrified in fear! Homura... Homura was a terrifying killer!

'Madoka!' Kyubey shouted to me telepathically, 'It's not too late! With a wish you can...'

'No!' I screamed in telepathic reply, 'No, I will have no more to do with this nightmarish world of magical girls and witches. I have seen more than enough of it... Find somebody else to contract with, Kyubey. Please find somebody else.'

Once I knew that those wicked magical girls were far enough away, I raced out to where Sayaka's body now lay, and I fell on top of it, loudly sobbing.

“Sayaka-chan!” I cried, as tears poured out of my eyes and my heart became filled with grief.

Sayaka had clearly been right about Akemi Homura and Kyouko Sakura all along. I should have supported Sayaka! I should have seen things her way.

All I could do now was ensure that the murder of my best friend did not go unpunished.

After composing myself, I made four phone calls. One to the hospital, one to the police, one to my mama, and one to Sayaka's parents.


The police brought me in for questioning, and I told them about how Homura had shot Sayaka and killed her. They were a bit sceptical of my words, as such crimes between minors were exceptionally rare in modern Japan. But given my extreme, sincere grief, they decided that they would find Homura and arrest her as the prime suspect of a homicide. They, along with my mama and papa, did all that they could to comfort me.

The police had Mitakihara Middle School shut down on Monday to further their homicide investigation. Homura apparently went on the run or into hiding after that, as I never saw her ever again.

Sayaka's funeral was held the Wednesday after she was killed. Hitomi and Kamijo stood by me at the funeral, and we did what we could to comfort each other.

Sayaka's parents, and especially her father Kotetsu, were completely devastated by their daughter's death. Mr. Miki vowed that he would bring Sayaka's killer to justice if it was the last thing that he did. But as tragic and hotly reported as Sayaka's death was, even resulting in me being interviewed by the local media, it would soon be dwarfed in comparison by a larger scale tragedy.


Just a little under two weeks later, a large portion of Mitakihara Town was levelled in a bizarre natural disaster. My home, and school, were spared though.

About a month passed without much further incident, enabling life to very slowly but surely return to normal. Or as close to normal as was possible, anyway. I frequently found myself thinking back on Sayaka, or Mami, and I wept bitterly over their passing. And sometimes I'd feel great terror over the sensation of somebody following me, thinking that it might be Homura or Kyouko!

But after I completed Mitakihara Middle School, and began attending Kiyosumi High School, these memories and fears became dim and less frequent in occurrence. At least in most respects.


At Kiyosumi High School, I met a girl that reminded me a lot of Sayaka. Her name was Saki.



She was a bit more reserved than Sayaka was, but she looked a lot like Sayaka, and I appreciated how she once went out of her way to help me when she saw how lonely and morose I was.

She asked me if I'd like to join the Kiyosumi Mahjong Club. I had no real interest in the game of mahjong, but I wanted more friends in my life, so I agreed to join the club simply so I'd have more social interaction in my life.

Over time, I took a liking to the game of mahjong, and I became pretty good at it! Hisa, the President of the Kiyosumi Mahjong Club, joked that I had a special ability that helped me in mahjong matches. She called it the “Puppy Dog Eyes”! She said that my opponents felt such guilt over winning against me that they could never play their best against me! I didn't much like that explanation for why I won a lot of mahjong matches, but I guess that Hisa had a point.

Over time, Saki and I became very close. At first, Saki filled the hole in my heart that had been left in the wake of Sayaka's death. After I explained to Saki why I was often so sad and lost in thought, she became deeply caring and sweet towards me.

About a year after becoming close friends with Saki, I entered into a romance with her. I helped her to regain her bond with her sister, while we went on to win the National High School Mahjong tournament!

I still looked back on my middle school years with such deep grief and sadness, but at least Saki was now there to uplift me and help bring me into a mostly happy adulthood.



The End (Tsumo After a Tragedy end)

“Sayaka, wait!” I shouted out to her, as I raced towards her.

Upon hearing my voice, Sayaka thankfully halted her transformation into a Puella Magi.

“Madoka?!” Sayaka exclaimed in question, “Get out of here! This doesn't concern you!”

“You can't do this!” I shouted at Sayaka, “This just isn't right!”


If you chose B for Choice 12, read Section Kyouko is Impressed. Otherwise, read Section Kyouko Insults Madoka.

Spoiler for Kyouko is Impressed:

“Your friend is both faithful and smart!” Kyouko shouted towards Sayaka, “I'm truly impressed by her. So much so that I'll give you one last chance to stand down, just for her sake!”

“I have no intention of standing down from you!” Sayaka exclaimed at Kyouko.

“Pretty amazing that a good person can attract annoying friends!” Kyouko sneered at Sayaka, as I think she was implying that Sayaka was an annoying friend to me.

Spoiler for Kyouko Insults Madoka:

“Annoying people always attract annoying friends!” Kyouko exclaimed towards Sayaka and I, insulting us both I think.

“Are you saying something about me?” asked Akemi Homura, suddenly appearing beside Kyouko from seemingly out of nowhere!

Kyouko looked as startled by Homura's sudden appearance as Sayaka and I were. Kyouko turned her head about to look at Homura.

“We discussed this.” Homura continued, “You're not supposed to do anything.”

“Your plan's too slow!” Kyouko exclaimed in irritation towards Homura, “Besides, we're all ready to fight!”

“Then I'll fight her.” Homura said, while casually walking pass Kyouko and staring at Sayaka, “Stay put this time.”

“Fine.” Kyouko replied, a bit dejectedly, “You've got until I'm done eating.”

“That's enough.” Homura said to that.

“Are you making fun of me?!” Sayaka asked Homura angrily, while holding out her bluish Soul Gem.

It then occurred to me! What I must do. What would be the right thing... or rather, the wrong thing... to do given mama's advice to me!

“Sayaka, sorry!” I shouted at her, while I raced by her, and grabbed her bluish Soul Gem from out of her outstretched palm.

I then raced to the edge of the bridge, and threw Sayaka's Soul Gem over it! There! Without this Soul Gem, Sayaka won't be able to fight and she'll have no other choice but to make peace with Homura and Kyouko. But then...

Oh no! Sayaka's Soul Gem had landed unto the back of a gigantic 18-wheeler, and it was now being carried away by it.

Homura surprised me by gasping in horror over it.


No! I can't let Sayaka Miki die by Madoka's hands. Madoka will be consumed by guilt if I don't get that Soul Gem back!


Homura then seemed to teleport away while Sayaka gasped in shocked over my actions.

“Madoka!” Sayaka shouted at me, while running over to where I was now, “What have you done?!”

“I had to!” I shouted in reply, trying to explain my actions to Sayaka.

But then... it was like... it was like Sayaka was a life-sized puppet that just had its strings cut. She fell diagonally downwards, with me thankfully being able to catch her with my arms.

“Sayaka-chan?” I asked, very surprised by this.

Kyubey then leaped up on top of the side of the bridge.

“This is bad, Madoka!” he exclaimed to me, “You just threw your friend away! Do something!”

“What?” I asked, completely perplexed by Kyubey's words, as I heard Kyouko running towards me from behind me, “What do you mean?”

Kyouko then grabbed Sayaka by the side of the neck, and lifted her up, out of my arms.

“Stop!” I shouted at Kyouko, as I was really afraid that she was going to hurt Sayaka while Sayaka was in this terribly vulnerable state.

But I was relieved that Kyouko didn't do anything to harm Sayaka. Instead, I think that she was feeling for Sayaka's pulse!

“What the hell is this?” Kyouko asked breathlessly, as I saw nervous beads of sweat appear upon her face, “She's dead!”

I gasped in shock and horror over these words!


Kyouko then laid Sayaka unto the ground. I started trying hard to revive Sayaka!

“Sayaka-chan?” I asked, while I started to shake her body, “Please, Sayaka! Wake up, please!”

“What's happening?” I asked Kyubey in exasperation, “Hey! I didn't mean to! Sayaka-chan!!”

“What the hell is going on?” Kyouko asked again, in a low but tense tone of voice.

“Hey!” Kyouko shouted at Kyubey, suspecting that he should know what's going on here.

“Puella Magi can only control their bodies from within 100 meters.” Kyubey stated.

“100 meters?” Kyouko asked, “What the hell does that mean?”

“Usually it's right there with you.” Kyubey answered, “This almost never happens.”

“What are you talking about, Kyubey?!” I asked him, “Help! Don't let Sayaka die!”

“Madoka...” Kyubey replied after a brief pause, “That's not Sayaka. It's just a shell.”

“Huh?” I asked.

“You just threw Sayaka over the rail.” Kyubey continued.

“What are you talking about?” Kyouko asked, while she gestured one hand towards her Soul Gem.

“You can't fight Witches with a regular human body.” Kyubey began in answer, “A Puella Magi's former body is just a big robot. Your soul is in a form that more efficiently uses magic. Since it's smaller, it's also much safer. As the one that forms contracts with Puella Magi, my job is to take out their souls and turn them into Soul Gems.”

Kyubey's explanation left me trembling in open mouth fright! How disgustingly creepy! How horrible!

“You bastard!” cried Kyouko, as she motioned over to roughly pick up Kyubey by his head, “What did you do to us? It's like you've turned us into zombies!”

But Kyubey displayed no remorse over the awful acts he had done to Sayaka and other Puella Magi. I started weeping over the horrific injustice that Kyubey had wrought upon Sayaka, and other Puella Magi!

Homura would thankfully manage to retrieve Sayaka's Soul Gem, and I was deeply relieved that Sayaka would live through this night. But horrific questions had been left in the wake of tonight's revelations. Questions that would plague my mind in the days to come...

__________________________________________________ ___________



Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain

Homura, Sayaka, and I were now hiding in the nurse's office of Mitakihara Middle School. We were dearly hoping that we would manage to avoid being found by Jinnai's forces. But as the sounds of those androids scurrying about the school became ever louder and nearer, I think that Sayaka was become increasingly antsy.

“We can't stay on the defensive forever.” I overheard Sayaka whispering to Homura, “We have to mount a counter-attack.”

“We will. Eventually.” Homura replied in whisper, “But we need to sit tight and wait for the ideal opportunity to mount it. That opportunity will present itself. Until then...”

“But what if it doesn't?” Sayaka asked in whisper, “I don't like hiding like this. We should fight back!”

Sayaka had been a bit too loud with her last words. I heard some garbled, excited noise coming from just beyond the door to the Nurse's Office. Oh no, it looked like we were going to soon be cornered!

But much to my surprise and relief, we would soon be saved by a mysterious rescuer!


I heard loud cries, grunts, shouts, and metal screeching like nails on a chalkboard! I also heard the sounds of shattering glass, broken doors, pierced metal, and violent explosions!

“What is causing all of that noise?” I asked Homura nervously.

Homura opened up the door to the nurse's office ever so slightly ajar, in order to peak out through the opening.

“Kyouko Sakura...” Homura said under her breath.

Just a couple minutes later, the door to the nurse's office would be violently swung back by this Kyouko Sakura. She was a spear-wielding redhead girl in a long-flowing reddish dress, just like the one I had seen in one of my dreams! But I would have no time to bring this up given how desperately and quickly Kyouko took action.

“Thank God!” Kyouko exclaimed at the sight of Homura, Sayaka, and I, “I finally found you!”

“You... you're the Puella Magi that Homura and I met yesterday!” Sayaka exclaimed.

“Yes, and like I argued to you both, I have bigger concerns than Walpurgis Night or any measly familiar. Now that you've seen our dear Emperor in action, I'm sure that you agree!” Kyouko exclaimed in reply, “But any disagreements can wait. First I need to get you all outta here!”

“How do you intend to do that?” Homura asked.

“Don't worry!” Kyouko shouted in response, “My illusion magic will see us through to the Chariot of the Crimson Knights!”

I wanted to ask what this 'Chariot of the Crimson Knights' might be, but that question could wait. The most important thing now was getting out of the virtual death-trap that Jinnai had thrown us into, and get to safety!

Homura, Sayaka, and I all sprinted closely behind Kyouko, as she lead us out the back entrance of the school. The four of us had to fight a few androids along the way, but between Kyouko's spear and my arrows we thankfully managed to blitz through them!

We then made a long sprint, shrouded by Kyouko's illusion magic. We eventually arrived at a sewer entrance.

“Eewww...” stated Sayaka, “Do we really have to go down there.”

“Would you rather be left to his deprivations?” Kyouko angrily asked, “There's no time for complaining right now! Besides, we'll soon be on a decently clean underground bullet train!”

Kyouko would prove true to her word!

After Homura, Sayaka, and I had managed to climb down into the sewers, we saw a small, yellowish-coloured submarine-like craft emerge from out of the filthy and slimy waters. The top hatch of it opened up.

“Get down inside the hatch!” Kyouko shouted, “That miniature sub will take us to safety!”

After agreeing to her orders, albeit a bit reluctantly, Homura, Sayaka, and I would be safe and snug inside the sub. Kyouko followed tightly behind us, closing the hatch and fastening it.

“I hope that I didn't keep you waiting, Commander!” a young man in his 20s shouted out to Kyouko, while looking back towards her.

“Not at all, Masato!” Kyouko replied with a smiling shout, “You did good today! Now get us to the Chariot of the Crimson Knights!”

“Right!” he exclaimed.

The past hour seemed like a magnificently mesmerizing mirage of images in my mind. It was all such a blur! The same would be true of the next thirty minutes.

After the sub resurfaced again, we found ourselves next to a hidden and high-tech underground railway. Kyouko then whisked herself, Homura, Sayaka, and I unto the bullet train that was stationed there. The bullet train was scarlet red in colour, and it had some sort of fancy insignia on it. On the bullet train were some young adults and teenagers, two of them male and two of them female. They were all wearing sleek,
crimson-coloured military uniforms, and these uniforms all had the same insignia on them as what was on the exterior of the bullet train itself.

“Just where are you taking us?!” Sayaka asked Kyouko in exapseration.

“To one of the few places that remain beyond the reach of Emperor Jinnai and his imperialist forces.” Kyouko answered, “I'm taking you to the main HQ of the Crimson Knight Resistance!”


The ten minute train ride to that HQ gave Homura, Sayaka, and I a chance to catch our breaths. It also gave Homura and I a chance to transform back into our normal attire.

The young men and women in uniform all had firm and stern looks to them. They held some long, elaborate high-tech guns in their arms. They remained mostly silent for the entire trip to this Crimson Knight Resistance HQ. They only spoke when Kyouko herself addressed them.

“What is this Crimson Knight Resistance?” Sayaka asked Kyouko, a few minutes into our trip.

“It is a resistance force dedicated to the overthrow of Emperor Jinnai.” Kyouko answered, “It's a resistance that fights for a free and liberated Japan! ...And hopefully, in time, a free world.”

I frowned over Kyouko's words, as it was clear that what she was fighting for would not be necessary if not for my wish. But I would soon learn that my wish had wrought far greater changes than I had initially expected...


The Crimson Knight Resistance's HQ was impressively large and well-structured. This became clear to me as Homura, Sayaka, and I followed close behind Kyouko as she left the bullet train to climb up a steep flight of stairs leading to the base level of the HQ. There were two armed guards standing at every exit and entry point. Hallways were long, wide, and well-lit by overhead lights. But they had a generic feeling to them, as they were a solid bluish grey in colour with a slight metallic sheen, and they were entirely lacking any sort of decoration. But the room that Kyouko lead us into was huge, decidedly spacious, and spherical in formation.

There was some pleasant greenery in the middle of the room which provided a pleasant aroma. The room also had plenty of chairs and tables situated all about it. And almost the entire circumference of the room was adorned with rows upon rows upon rows of books!

“This is the Learning Center of the Crimson Knight Resistance.” Kyouko stated to us, “It is probably the most relaxing part of the HQ, with a decidedly pleasant atmosphere. Here you will find loads of books outlawed by the fascistic government of Emporer Jinnai! Hopefully you will be able to make yourselves comfortable here.”

“Thanks.” Sayaka said.

“Thank you.” Homura and I both added.

“Wait...” I began in wonderment, after finally getting a chance to clear my mind, “What is this all about? Why did you rescue all of us?”

“Isn't that obvious?” Kyouko asked in turn, “It's because you actually managed to hurt the Emperor! I caught a glimpse of him flying and shouting in pain when you socked him one! I knew then and there that I had to recruit you into my Crimson Knights Resistance force!”

“Your Crimson Knights Resistance force?” Sayaka asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Right!” Kyouko exclaimed with a proud smile, “I'm the leader of it.”

“This is all... very strange.” Homura said in a low tone, while narrowing her eyes, “Wait, Kyouko, do you have any history books handy?”

“Sure, we have lots of them here!” Kyouko exclaimed in answer, “Feel free to read whatever you want over the next hour. I'll get back to you soon.”

“Where are you going?” I asked Kyouko.

“I have to report back to my immediate subordinates, including the leaders of a couple neighbouring resistance cells.” Kyouko answered, “Don't worry. You're safe here! If you need to go to the washroom or grab a bite to eat, just ask one of the guards situated outside of this room. I'll order them to treat you as honoured guests!”

Kyouko then left the room through two large sliding doors, an exit way different from the one we used to enter this room.

“Man, this is all so bizarre...” Sayaka said, while scratching the back of her head.

“That's why I'm going to read some recent history books.” Homura said, “I have a theory. As disturbing as it is, it is something that I must explore.”

Homura then searched out a couple of books from a section labelled “History and World Geography”. While she did this, I chatted a bit with Sayaka in the hopes that we could calm each other down. Our nerves were still very frenzied given everything that had happened lately. I have to admit that I was also feeling very exhausted given the late hour it now was this Saturday night. I had lost track of time, but it must now be near midnight, if not even later.


A half-hour after beginning her research, Homura called Sayaka and I over to the desk that she was sitting at. I pulled up one chair to the left of Homura, and Sayaka pulled up a chair to the right of her. We then both leaned over a bit to look at a book that Homura was holding open, flat on the table.

“First of all, just take a look at that 2050 World Map.” Homura stated.

“Almost all of Europe from Lisbon, Portugal to all of the British Isles to Moscow, Russia is now under the territory of 'Germany'...” I began in breathless shock, “But Italy still has its own country and much of Africa... And almost everything else is listed as one or another territory of 'Greater Japan'!”

“This can't possibly be right.” Sayaka piped up, “Why, this map would lead you to believe that...”

“The Axis Powers won WWII?” Homura asked, finishing Sayaka's sentences, “Yes, and that's because they did.”

“Wait, our country won WWII?!” Sayaka asked in shock.

“I don't know if I want to think of it as 'our country', but you're essentially right.” Homura answered, “Let me flip over to another section of this book to show you a picture.”

After doing so, Homura pointed towards a picture, listed as being from June 25th, 1950. It was a picture of Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini, and former Japanese Prime Minister Hideki Tojo all standing in front of a demolished White House in Washington, America!

“This was the site of the 1950 Washington Conference.” Homura stated, “It's where the leaders of Germany, Japan, and Italy gathered to officially divide up the spoils of war between them.”

“So...” I began, thinking deeply over what all of this meant, “Does this mean that the Hiroshima and Nagasaki tragedies of the 1940s never occurred?!”

“Yes, that's correct.” Homura answered, “But it came at quite a price. Hitler's National Socialists governed Germany, and almost half of the entire Northern Hemisphere, until the 1990s. That's when a worldwide economic recession forced dramatic and violent government changes throughout the globe.”

“Is that when this Emperor Jinnai rose to power?” Sayaka asked.

“Exactly.” Homura answered, “In the midst of this global social upheaval, Jinnai challenged Emperor Hirohito's son for the throne. Jinnai used his Magus powers to completely overwhelm him in combat. Jinnai is now held to be a god among men, and is literally worshipped as the divine leader of Japan. Which now is essentially the same as leader of the entire world.”

“So that's how my wish ended up being implemented.” I stated in a low and contemplative tone.

“After Jinnai's rise to power, he dispatched 'Peacekeeping Forces' to Berlin to bring strict law and order back to an increasingly chaotic Europe, under the auspices of Imperial Japan.” Homura continued, “The Hitlerian Line was severed for good, but the Fuhrer tradition was reinstated under the watchful eye of Tokyo. Germany and Italy's governments are now mere puppets of Japan. Powerful puppets, but puppets nonetheless.”

“Incredible...” Sayaka said in a tone of awe, “So this is what Kyouko and her Crimson Knights are rebelling against? About 60 years of continuous Jinnai rule? How is this all possible?!”

“Jinnai likely now has two sets of memories.” Homura stated, “One from before Madoka made her wish, and one from after she did so. And if you carefully check your own memories, you'll find two sets of memories as well.”

Homura... Homura was right! In my memory, I now see a slightly different Mitakihara Middle School. One with more rigid regulations. One where we are required to wear armbands displaying the Imperial Japanese flag during important school events. One where Tojo and Hitler are talked about in decidedly glowing terms during History classes!

“B-but what about all of the wishes by all of the Puella Magi that came between the start of WWII and our present day?” I asked Homura.

“The changes made to history by your wish must not have clashed with them.” stated Homura, “Everything has been carefully rearranged to give Jinnai virtual global governance.”

“What do you think we should do?” Sayaka asked, in deep concern.

“I...” Homura began in uneasily reply, “I don't know. I honestly don't know. But whatever we choose to do about this all, we'll need to make a decision on it soon.”

Homura was right. Very hard and tough decisions would be facing me very soon...


To Be Continued...


----------------


Well, this might be my most controversial update yet, lol. I had some very hard decisions to make concerning Homura here, ones that I truly agonized over. I honestly came to the conclusion that this was the most likely way she'd handle her standoff with Sayaka if Madoka had not become involved. Maybe I'm wrong there, but it's the call I went with.

As for Homura/Sayaka Alliance Section... Well, I hope people like the rather large twist, lol.


I eagerly look forward to any and all replies to this update. I'll also try to soon get back to recent replies to Mami Lives Chapter 6.

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

And now for a comment thing... bah, I really gotta start thinking of better ways to start messages.

Spoiler for Canon:

And we start things off with Sayaka narration. Hm... I don't think she was fangirling over Kyousuke enough.

Ah well, obviously she didn't have time, as she was interrupted by...

Spoiler for A Startling Meeting:

Homura, who oddly decided to praise Sayaka instead of the expected accosting. Well, at the very least, Sayaka expected it.

How very amusing it was to see "closed book" Homura actually spilling the beans to Sayaka, so to speak... I guess she really doesn't have much of a choice with Mami dead and Kyouko out of commision, but it still feels weird.

And it's rather convenient that Homura seemingly doesn't know the girl she stalks Madoka had something to do with Sayaka's victory... ah well, I guess it makes sense for my "playthrough" of canon, seeing as Homura was apparently elsewhere. Of course, Sayaka doesn't quite believe Homura's telling the truth, and I don't really blame her for that. However, they seemed to smooth things over... to an extent. And while I know for a fact Madoka is fully capable of taking down WN by herself, her becoming a Puella Magi tends to be a bad thing, so I'm going to just smile and nod when it comes to what Homura said about her.

For the record, that was a pretty good job of warning Sayaka about the issues with Kyousuke without revealing exactly what said issues were. Just enough to fill her in on that, but not enough to make her question exactly what the warning was about.

Also, I found the "Your city... no, rather, your country... needs you, Sayaka Miki." line funny.

And this section ends with Sayaka being invited into the Kamijo residence, along with her hopes that things continue to go her way... unfortunately, while I'd like to remain hopeful, I'm only getting more and more worried for her as this goes on...

Spoiler for Otherwise:

Kyouko, who can't help but harass her. And yeah, stalking people is a pretty creepy thing to do...

I think you did a pretty good job of capturing Sayaka's anger here, for the record. And honestly, I kinda wanted to hit Kyouko at this point... ah well, whatever.

Also, I really liked the Kyouko narration. Though, I will say I never really thought of her as being a Johnny Depp fan... The blatant shiptease here was awesome, by the way.

Anyway, you did a very nice job of handling the immediate aftermath of the gem throwing scene... Y'know, it's always hard to really talk about Canon Route, due to much of the content not really being yours.



And now for something I skipped over, because I figured it would be better to get the regular story out of the way first.

Spoiler for Lucky Choice 13, Option A.:

Out of curiousity, did you intentionally set things up so #13 leads into a bad end? I know #4's certainly proving to be a real killer for me.

Hm... is Homura... angry with Kyouko at the start of this? Nah, I must be imagining things... speaking of them... um, would it be possible to ask you to maybe not have the former referring to the latter strictly by her last name so much in the future? I'm not asking you put them on a first name basis or anything, but seeing lines like "Sakura's blood-lust" is seriously messing with my head.

Anyway... yeah, Homura really did do a good job of playing the villain for Sayaka here. Even though she hated doing it, I guess it had to be done... as a side note, I kinda want to play the original Samurai Warriors again to intentionally botch a certain rifle attack...

Poor Madoka... having to watch her best friend die in such a horrid manner... and of course the media has to rub salt in the wound with the typical hounding...

Also, even though I highly doubt it was your intention... the name "Kotetsu" made me chuckle, due to some past issues I've had involving it.



Erm, anyway. Given the other yuri references that have popped up and your fondness of the series, I've been wondering when Saki was going to show up.

And yeah, I kinda agree that she looks a little like Sayaka... provided you dye her hair blue.

The thought of Madoka guilting her opponents into practically throwing matches is rather amusing... yet oddly appropriate, given the way a lot of Saki characters seem to play...

Aaaanyway... I guess Madoka gets to be "mostly happy" in this one, as you put it.

Last note: It's rather convenient how you managed to get a yuri-esque image of Saki with a pink-haired girl... I imagine that must have been nearly impossible to find.

(For the record, I was just teasing you on the fangirling thing. )

And now onto Alliance... or as this particular update wants to be called...

Spoiler for Code Fantasma: Kyouko of the Resistance:

In a stark contrast to what I was just describing not too long ago, we find the trio of Madoka, Sayaka and Homura trapped in the nurse's office while hiding from giant robot insects.

Of course, they didn't need to hide for long, as in another stark contrast to the other side, Kyouko gets to play hero here. Go Crimson Knights! Your name sounds oddly familiar to me!

I'm not sure why, but the yellow submarine seems to stand out for some reason. And while they may not have gone through a nowhere land, their final destination was certainly something else... amazing how a presumably homeless girl ended up being the head of a group with that level of tech and real estate.

That was a rather intriguing way of working Madoka's wish. Well, the girl can completely rewrite history, after all, so it certainly makes sense. I really did like the implementation here. Don't exactly want to rush you, but I'm quite interested to see how this is going to play out now.

... Bah, was hoping to make this longer, but I couldn't think of anything else to really focus on.

At any rate, nice job on this one.

[Triple_R]

And now, time to get to some excellent and recent reader feedback! As usual, I'll be using the Spoiler Space approach.

Spoiler for Coldlight, on Mami Lives Chapter 6:

Originally Posted by Coldlight

Finally back up to speed. I've been falling behind a lot lately, my apologies for that.

No problem.

Mami Lives, Mami Route:

Time for some sunny beach fun. I'm finding something of a discrepancy between Mami's assertion that the train arrived at 6 PM, and Madoka exclaiming that it's a bright sunny day upon arrival. Should the train have arrived earlier in the afternoon instead? 6 PM is already more or less dusk time with the setting sun, and all. Or is it night swimming under the light of the moon instead?

Well, the impression I took from the Madoka Magica anime is that its events take place somewhere between late Spring and early Fall, given the weather conditions in it (lots of clear sunny days, lots of nice greenery, absolutely no snow, little rain).

I live in Newfoundland, Canada, which is slightly North of Japan (latitude-wise) on a World Map. In late Spring through early Fall, night doesn't set in for where I live until around 8:30 to 9:30 PM. So I'm thinking the same is probably more or less true for Japan in those months. That should give Madoka and Mami at least two or three hours to enjoy fun in the sun before the sun sets.

That's an interesting twist you put on the "Pocky game" there. One that fans of this ship might really enjoy, I imagine. Spotted one of those "head" jokes as well. About that shared shower, It made me remember a joke line: "Conserve water, shower with partner!" Those are some nice choices you made for their swimsuits, I liked it (and the pic).

Thanks! I'm glad that all of these elements worked for you.

Those two characters you introduced in the volleyball match caught my curiosity. Were they from other source material, other stories, or originals?

They're from Sailor Moon. Specifically, Sailor Uranus and Neptune.

The battle was interestingly quite detailed, but unfortunately I did not get any references there, as it seemed to have. However, what happened to the other magical girl in the scene? Did she just leave like that?

Yeah, she handled crowd control.

I imagine it must be painful for Homura with her unrequited feelings to see Madoka being so close to Mami here. That she continues to be unfaltering in her single mission for Madoka is admirable on her behalf, even knowing that she has little chance at this point. I must say that she's definitely made up of some very strong stuff here, avoiding a Shana Final-style loss of purpose/destruction of Raison d'être "Heroic BSOD".

That's a great and clever Shana reference. I'm glad that Homura came across well here. ^_^

Spoiler for Section M4A:

The normal option. Since this is already deep into Mami's route, it would make sense for most people who are in here for Mami x Madoka romance to choose this one. I feel sorry for Homura here though, because this is essentially Madoka rejecting her. Permanently "friendzoned", so to speak, but it is likely the right option to stay on track for Mami's path.

This is the option for people who want a good, nice, straightforward romance route, probably most in line with most VNs. It's also good for big Mami fans like Deikan, I think.

Spoiler for Section M4B:

The option for the more curious. Despite having already entered Mami's route, this one represents an attempt to avoid alienating another love interest. "Do not burn your bridges", so to speak. Homura here has essentially confessed to Madoka, even though she is already going out with Mami. This path could potentially lead to a love triangle situation, now that Madoka has shown signs of wavering for her feelings with Mami.

Right. This choice is for more adventurous readers and/or ones who find it hard to let go of Madoka/Homura.

I've also been wondering who this Kazuki Kudo person was for a while, though. A character crossover from somewhere else? Or an original character?

Original character.

Mami Lives, Sayaka Route:
Back on the home track. For this I officially chose [MFS2B]. No way I'm making a deal with any non-human "White Devil".

Lovely job in taking Nanoha Takamachi into account.

Especially not a deal trading my life, humanity, freedom and future for a person who I barely even know.

I guess that Kyubey can be a persuasive fellow.

I like how Madoka's worries are gradually being dispelled from the sincerity of Sayaka's feelings displayed in that picture. That bright smile that Sayaka made to Madoka before she left could also have an effect as well. I wonder what Madoka was planning to do here before Hitomi took Sayaka away for The Talk.

You'll find out soon!

I'm glad that my faith in Sayaka here proved to be correct, at least for this part. She delivered, and pulled through the apparent crisis with relative ease. It was kind of amusing to see the tables turned on Hitomi here for this particular scene, one scene that I hated in the anime. I actually even felt like gloating there. "Hah! Who's the one dropping the bombshell now?"

I have to admit, I really enjoyed writing that scene. I'm glad my readers enjoyed it for much the same reason.

Spoiler for MFS2A:

I knew it, making this choice was a bad idea. It just felt wrong to me for Madoka to make that choice, in more ways than one, and ones correctly stated by Homura. Madoka essentially became a proxy for Sayaka as a result.

I admit I'm a little disturbed about just how happy Sayaka was for Madoka making the wish for her. I was actually expecting a reaction from Sayaka more similar to an expression of horror that Madoka had turned into a magical girl, and moreover, it was for a wish that was "wasted" on someone she barely knew, and the implication that she wished it because she was having doubts about Sayaka's sincerity.

That reaction of course, assumed that Sayaka had already let go of her feelings for Kyousuke. Because that doesn't seem to be the case here, then it can't be helped, I guess.

Not really a bittersweet end for me. Rather, a bitter end. Or more precisely, a bad end.

Well, my thinking here is that Kyubey is quite clearly playing a manipulative trickster here, and so something bad should come from giving in to him at this point. Sayaka dying in a Sayaka romance route is pretty bad, needless to say. If Keima of KamiNomi got this end, he'd probably hang his head in shame for weeks.

Now, as for Sayaka being so happy here... Well, remember she was initially upset.

"I... you...' I began in uneasy telepathic reply, before I rushed over to Madoka to take hold of her arms with my hands, 'You didn't have to do that for me!' - Sayaka's initial response.

But Madoka's words in reply to that were so sweet and touching to Sayaka that Sayaka couldn't help but to be moved by it. Also, I honestly thought it would be too cruel for Madoka's selfless sacrifice for Sayaka's sake to result in a completely upset Sayaka.

Seems I have to leave for a short while. I'll get back to you later with a few more things, including the usual proofreading report in a PM.

Thank you for that proofreading report!

Spoiler for Sol Falling, on Mami Lives Chapter 6:

Originally Posted by Sol Falling

Apologies for the delay on my end this time around as well. Although the end of the week period always seems to be my most busy period during this school semester/anime season, I will continue trying to post my feedback two-to-three days after your updates at the very latest.

No problem! I'll try to keep your weekly schedule in mind for the future.

In any case, you've once again presented us with a very compelling chapter/update.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

The more frequent perspective changes you used in these sections was an interesting experiment. I thought they worked quite well interspersed into the written narrative, but I admit I did wonder a bit how they would be done from a VN perspective.

I'm glad they worked well for you in written format, at least. As for the VN, that's something I might later discuss with Kimidori. It's possible that certain things might be edited out (or edited in) for the VN.

They are a bit different from the earlier perspective switches you used for scenes where Madoka was not present, but in the end I suppose the implementation could be very similar.

The start of the beach trip was quite relaxing and natural. Only one thing jumped out at me, which was that they only arrived at the beach at 6 pm, but I suppose it's the fact that we're only coming out of winter now that's influencing me (lol). During the summer, even arriving at 6 pm Mami and Madoka would probably be able to enjoy a reasonable amount of sunlight.

Exactly.

References/homages to Michiru and Haruka of Sailor Moon will always be welcomed . Actually, I was too young myself to have comprehensively caught too much of Sailor Moon during its original airings, but ever since I got into yuri, even with my lack of knowledge regarding the franchise, the reverence with which I've seen the community treat Michiru x Haruka has also made me a genuine fan of them (or maybe I should just say, I've run across some true gems of doujinshi). As such, I actually would have been interested in even more interaction of Michiru or Haruka together with Mami and Homura after the witch battle.

I'm glad that the reference to Michiru and Haruka worked for you. Who knows, I might bring them back once or twice more.

I will admit that Michiru was a bit of a convenient plot device for me - A way to clear the beach so that Homura and Mami could have their confrontation completely open, unguarded, and uninterrupted.

Moving on to the events with Mami and Homura themselves, haha, damn I really have to give it to you for producing yet another tough and fascinating scenario.

Thanks a lot! I could legitimately see Madoka going either way here too. Madoka is a peacemaker by nature, but I think her heart would also want her to stand up for Mami first and foremost if Madoka was Mami's girlfriend.

Well, for the record, I probably would have gone with choice B anyway lol.

One of my big challenges with Mami Romance was writing something that I felt would appeal to both you and Deikan. I felt that Deikan would probably want to stick by his favorite girl Mami no matter what, but that you would want for Homura's romantic challenge to be a potential decisive one.

On the MFS chain, first the MFS2A ending. Bittersweet Melancholy is very apt, to think that it could end with the death of Sayaka. Overall this ending represents a strikingly sensible path of decisions by all girls involved, with the aftermath of Madoka's decision to contract not leading to despair/chaos--but, due to Madoka's feelings of true goodwill reaching Sayaka, leading to Sayaka reversing the sacrifice both on account of her natural feelings (to be a protector), and her inclination to heed Homura's advice/warning. The fact that all parties involved managed to understand each other and care about each other's happiness is what makes it all the more saddening that this path could have lead to Sayaka's passing.

This is indeed intended to be a mostly sad end. And like you say, part of what makes it sad is what happens in it in spite of the main cast all getting along well with each other the rest of the way.

By contrast, although my original choice would have naturally been to pick B and not have Madoka contract, the fact that the "Bittersweet Melancholy" end played out so peacefully/reasonably made me even question myself about whether path B will run along so smoothly. The confrontation/confession scene with Hitomi was indeed very refreshing/interesting, what with Sayaka and Hitomi's switched positions. However, seeing all the shock and uneasiness in Hitomi's demeanour, somehow I am not completely confident that Hitomi has taken all of this in in stride and that this is the end of these issues. Although no immediate conflict stands at the forefront of this path right now, for this section too I am eagerly anticipating future developments.

Hitomi's role in Mami Lives, Sayaka Romance might not be over yet.

Good work this time. Although this chapter was longer than usual as you stated, while reading I became engaged and hardly noticed it. Interesting developments were to be had in all parts of the story. Thanks for the update, and as always I'll be looking forward to the next one .

You're welcome! I now look forward to your reply to Chapter 13.

Spoiler for Kogetsu Shirogane, on Mami Lives 6 *AND* Chapter 13:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Sorry about the lateness of this reply. There's been a lot going on for me lately, so I haven't really had all that much time for internet stuff. I know that's not a very good excuse, but it's all I really have.

It's no problem. Your replies were worth the wait as usual, as was Sol's and Coldlight's.

Enough delays... we're off to the beach!

"Delicious M&M": And things are off to a good start... especially if you were like me and encouraged Sayaka to invite Kamijo into the circle, so to speak.

Mami's narration seemed spot on, and it's rather interesting to see Kyoko being brought up here. I wonder... was Mami hoping for something more than just friendship with her? Idle thoughts, I'll admit, but I figured it'd be worth bringing up.

I'm glad Mami's narration seemed really in-character for you! Well, Mami and Kyouko are both lesbians going by this fanfic, and they were close friends for awhile, so who knows?

While I haven't been in a beach house due to never taking a trip to the beach, I must say your descriptions of both did a pretty good job of giving me a good mental image of them. Gotta admit, that beach house certainly does sound like a nice place to spend a day or two in.

I'm really relieved that the beach house description was good enough and detailed enough for you. I haven't had to write much in the way of setting description for this fanfic, for obvious reasons (most of it being from the anime, with viewers being familiar with it), so I'm glad I haven't become too rusty here.

The hotdog scene was kinda funny... spicy indeed. Ah well, they have some Morning Rescue to go with it... even though 6PM is hardly "morning."

Ah, but it's a new Morning in their budding romance. And they need that power drink for the plans that Mami has in mind.

So anyway... is everyone going to call Madoka a Princess at some point? Sayaka has a very specific reason for it, Mami was building a castle around over her, and Jinnai... used it mockingly.

Nice pick-up, lol

While it shouldn't be too hard to picture Homura using the term for her, seeing as Madoka's kinda the princess and last boss at the same time in half of the previous time lines, I'm kinda curious as to what context would result in Kyoko calling her that.

That might be hard for me to come up with, but hopefully I'll think of a decent way for Kyoko to get in on the Pure Pink Princess running joke.

For the record, I totally find it believable that Mami would have guys hitting on her.

I'd find it hard to believe if Mami (at the beach) didn't have guys hitting on her, lol.

As for the second bit of Mami narration... I gotta say, the late night stroll was really nice... and led to a moment that was really surprising. "Smooth Operator" Mami not able to finish a sentence!? Shock! Of course, the reason for it makes things quite understandable. And I absolutely love the section names. The shower part was funny, too.

I'm glad that the bits of humor in this chapter worked really well for you.

The next day starts off with a beach volleyball tournament. The first two rounds sounded really good for the duo, though unfortunately even with Mami's considerable talent, the opponents they encountered in the third kinda put a stop to their fun. I don't know why Madoka thought they were a couple, they're obviously just cousins! :P

Good one!

The witch was certainly interesting, and I loved your description of the barrier. The familiars... oh wow, that was funny. I HUNGER!

I think you might have been the only reader to immediately get the reference, lol.

Unfortunately, it seems as though Mami's Magical Muskets are no match for the cosmic power this witch possessed, as she took quite a beating before Kyubey arrived to be his usual ratty self. Thankfully Homura stalks Madoka for a living happened to follow them, though unfortunately her presence caused issues... I mean... wow... sorry, Homura. While I did say I wanted to play nice with you, the remarks you made here were a bit out of line, so I'm standing by Mami. And oh, the revelations that would have been had if I didn't. Well, for Madoka, seeing as I'm sure most of the readers here already assumed what was said.

I can certainly understand why Madoka would be floored by Homura confessing to her now.

"Scrumptious Skittles": Ah, the meddling white rat. Honestly... as much as I'd love to help Kamijo out, Sayaka didn't wish for him either in this route... ah well, I guess I'll talk about it anyway.

"MFS2A":This started off with something... angelic. Honestly, I don't think you or Sayaka could have put it any better, given how Madoka was described.

I'm glad I (and Sayaka by extension) was able to capture just how beautiful Madoka appeared to Sayaka in this moment.

And the direct results of the wish were definitely good... alas, as they say, "all good things must come to an end."

I sometimes think that's one of the themes of Madoka Magica, actually.

Now, let me make one thing perfectly clear, I don't hate Homura or what she did here. I can understand why she did what she did. Madoka being a Puella Magi generally is a bad thing, and while I do like the idea of the interesting reversal in terms of who's the PM and who's the normal girl, I do think it'd be better for Sayaka to play the Knight in Shining Armor to Madoka's Princess. It just seems right, y'know?

Agreed.

Anyway... hm... so in this one, Sayaka seduces Madoka... interesting...

While Sayaka did want to take things slow, I can see circumstances causing her to speed up her relationship with Madoka in case she didn't survive the fight with WN.

Unfortunately, Sayaka gave her life to save the city from WN. I would have liked for there to be a better outcome, but I guess there is a trend of her not exactly doing all that well in that battle, and she has far less experience going into it this time.

Meanwhile... I suppose neither Mami nor Madoka has to be alone in this ending. That's good, right? I mean, they had to be pretty close for this to happen, anyway.

Well, to get into the Mami Lives, Sayaka Romance route, you needed a high affection with Mami as well. So it makes sense to me that Madoka/Mami is possible here if Sayaka is no longer around.

"The Way Kogetsu Actually Went": The first portion of this is largely similar to the start of the "Bittersweet Melancholy" end, albeit with the obvious changes Madoka not being a Puella Magi would create. Meanwhile, I wonder what Madoka had planned on doing to show her thanks... I guess that will have to wait until next time, as Hitomi decided to pull Sayaka away...

And I guess that leads to the "big" part of this half of the update. For once, Hitomi's revelation had... well, the exact opposite effect. I bet you had fun writing this scene. Gotta say, Hitomi being the one floored by a reveal is certainly a great twist. She seemed to take it about as well as I had imagined.

As I wrote to Coldlight, I certainly did enjoy writing this scene, lol. I'm glad that Hitomi's overall handling of the news seemed in-character to you.

I will say that I'm pretty sure Hitomi knowing won't be an issue after this update... after all, it took her quite a while to finally admit to Sayaka that she also had feelings for Kamijo, so I'd imagine she'll respect Sayaka's request to keep things a secret... right?

Dun dun dun!

Anyway, the next update seems like it'll be interesting. Can't wait to see it. I also really enjoyed this one. Nice job.

Thanks a lot!

As for that next update...


Kogetsu on Chapter 13!

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

And we start things off with Sayaka narration. Hm... I don't think she was fangirling over Kyousuke enough.

Unfortunately, her fangirling was rudely interrupted.

Ah well, obviously she didn't have time, as she was interrupted by..."A Startling Meeting": Homura, who oddly decided to praise Sayaka instead of the expected accosting. Well, at the very least, Sayaka expected it.

How very amusing it was to see "closed book" Homura actually spilling the beans to Sayaka, so to speak... I guess she really doesn't have much of a choice with Mami dead and Kyouko out of commision, but it still feels weird.

That's precisely it, yeah. Homura already tired "going it alone" against WN in Timeline 4, and that didn't work. So it makes sense she'd want to get at least one Puella Magi ally for fighting against WN in Timeline 5. Sayaka is now, in this narrative chain, the only option left.

I think that Homura is a skillful enough actor/persuader to effectively appeal to Sayaka's sense of heroism if the situation calls for it.

For the record, that was a pretty good job of warning Sayaka about the issues with Kyousuke without revealing exactly what said issues were. Just enough to fill her in on that, but not enough to make her question exactly what the warning was about.

Homura is very good at those types of warnings, imo.

Also, I found the "Your city... no, rather, your country... needs you, Sayaka Miki." line funny.

Again, appealing to Sayaka's sense of heroism (and maybe even patriotism, although that's entirely a matter of speculation - I could see Sayaka being someone who's proud of her country).

And this section ends with Sayaka being invited into the Kamijo residence, along with her hopes that things continue to go her way... unfortunately, while I'd like to remain hopeful, I'm only getting more and more worried for her as this goes on...

I guess this chain does have a "Too good to be to true" feel to it so far, eh?

Otherwise, Kyouko, who can't help but harass her. And yeah, stalking people is a pretty creepy thing to do...

I think you did a pretty good job of capturing Sayaka's anger here, for the record. And honestly, I kinda wanted to hit Kyouko at this point... ah well, whatever.

Yeah, this was the height of villainy for Kyouko. I do think that she was mainly just trying to goad Sayaka into a fight though.

Also, I really liked the Kyouko narration. Though, I will say I never really thought of her as being a Johnny Depp fan... The blatant shiptease here was awesome, by the way.

Glad you enjoyed this! It was fun to try my hand at some Kyouko narration.

Anyway, you did a very nice job of handling the immediate aftermath of the gem throwing scene... Y'know, it's always hard to really talk about Canon Route, due to much of the content not really being yours.

That's perfectly understandable.

And now for something I skipped over, because I figured it would be better to get the regular story out of the way first.


Lucky Choice 13, Option A: Out of curiousity, did you intentionally set things up so #13 leads into a bad end?

Yes, actually, lol. That's why I went with Choice 13 instead of Opportunity Choice 8 (plus, I mainly want to reserve OC choices for romance purposes going forward).

Hm... is Homura... angry with Kyouko at the start of this?

She's annoyed. I do think Homura wanted to avoid this situation if at all possible. But Kyouko has forced her hand...

Nah, I must be imagining things... speaking of them... um, would it be possible to ask you to maybe not have the former referring to the latter strictly by her last name so much in the future? I'm not asking you put them on a first name basis or anything, but seeing lines like "Sakura's blood-lust" is seriously messing with my head.

Maybe she lusts for the blood of a certain Tomoyo.

Anyway... yeah, Homura really did do a good job of playing the villain for Sayaka here. Even though she hated doing it, I guess it had to be done...

I think that Homura is a very pragmatic person when it comes to resource and time management. While Homura did have other options here (such as KOing Sayaka, making it look like Sayaka was dead, and then holding her as captive for the next two weeks), all of them involved considerable potential hassle for Homura, and I don't think she'd consider it worth it given the likelihood of Sayaka witchifying soon anyway.

If not for the witchifying concern, I do think Homura would not have shot Sayaka the way she did here.

Poor Madoka... having to watch her best friend die in such a horrid manner... and of course the media has to rub salt in the wound with the typical hounding...

Also, even though I highly doubt it was your intention... the name "Kotetsu" made me chuckle, due to some past issues I've had involving it.

I can see why, lol.

Erm, anyway. Given the other yuri references that have popped up and your fondness of the series, I've been wondering when Saki was going to show up.

I had Chikane stand-in for Homura, I had Tsumugi stand-in for Mami, and so I felt it was time to have somebody stand-in for Sayaka. (By the way, I'm open for any suggestions on who should later stand-in for Kyouko, lol).

Of the more or less confirmed yuri-inclined female anime characters I know, Saki is the one most like Sayaka, imo. Plus, Saki clearly has a thing for pink hair.

And yeah, I kinda agree that she looks a little like Sayaka... provided you dye her hair blue.

Thank you for doing that with previous photoshop work, by the way.

The thought of Madoka guilting her opponents into practically throwing matches is rather amusing... yet oddly appropriate, given the way a lot of Saki characters seem to play...

Actually, I just think that Madoka would look so naturally sad/cute/adorable while losing that her opponents would feel guilty, lol. But it would be an effect that would fit in well with the other quasi-superpowers of Saki, imo.

Aaaanyway... I guess Madoka gets to be "mostly happy" in this one, as you put it.

Last note: It's rather convenient how you managed to get a yuri-esque image of Saki with a pink-haired girl... I imagine that must have been nearly impossible to find.

It was quite a struggle to find a good pic of that, I assure you! I also like how Madoka's breasts are perhaps growing much larger for her as she enters her high school years going by that pic.

And now onto Alliance... or as this particular update wants to be called...
["Code Fantasma: Kyouko of the Resistance"

Excellent name!

In a stark contrast to what I was just describing not too long ago, we find the trio of Madoka, Sayaka and Homura trapped in the nurse's office while hiding from giant robot insects.

Of course, they didn't need to hide for long, as in another stark contrast to the other side, Kyouko gets to play hero here. Go Crimson Knights! Your name sounds oddly familiar to me!

I'm not sure why, but the yellow submarine seems to stand out for some reason. And while they may not have gone through a nowhere land, their final destination was certainly something else... amazing how a presumably homeless girl ended up being the head of a group with that level of tech and real estate.

Guilty Crown has taught me that teenagers of any and all economic status' can accomplish great things and lead vast organizations.

That was a rather intriguing way of working Madoka's wish. Well, the girl can completely rewrite history, after all, so it certainly makes sense.

That's my thinking as well.

I really did like the implementation here. Don't exactly want to rush you, but I'm quite interested to see how this is going to play out now.

... Bah, was hoping to make this longer, but I couldn't think of anything else to really focus on.

At any rate, nice job on this one.

Thanks a lot! Two very nice replies from you here, Kogetsu.

[Kotohono]

Originally Posted by Triple_R

By the way, I'm open for any suggestions on who should later stand-in for Kyouko, lol.

Normally I haven't been posting here, since I talk to you on AIM about it, but I thought of the two great imo character for this(and one other option), so...

Spoiler for Potential Kyouko Stand-ins:

Spoiler for Tragic Heroine of Symphogear Senki Zesshou:

Kanade Amou, let's see:
1. Uses a polearm to fight
2. Long Orange/Red-hair
3. Friends with a Blue haired Sword wielder who she had an vague unclear exact relationship with, that might or might not have gone that far.

Spoiler for Even more spoiler:

4. Gave her life to save a girl who shares a VA with Madoka
5. Believes there was meaning in risking her life to try to save someone else.
6. Uses her ultimate attack giving her own live like Kyouko

7. Driven to fight alone after losing her family

Though alternative also from that show(Warning this one will spoil you slightly, Tripe_R since I know you're behind on the show . Especially the picture so don't click it at least til you catch up some .)

Spoiler for ???'s Kyouko to Hibki's Madoka:

Yukine Chris's role in the story(and her backstory) is rather similar to that of Kyouko in a number of ways, but her fighting style and appearance is very different .

I think either of them could work though .


Unrelated possibility a bit more of classic one though

Spoiler for A bit of a stretch:

Spoiler for The Polearm Wielding Yuri Princess:

Shizuru Fujino of Mai-Hime, I don't think I need to explain this one to you, though I'd be more in favor of the one the above 2 XD.

Those are my thoughts anyways .

[Coldlight]

Feedback incoming. Get your tl;dr helmets and take cover.

Chapter 13: Canon Route Chain

Spoiler for Chapter 13 - Straight Ahead:

I think it's very plausible, and also something I'd like to think, that Sayaka was already gathering her feelings and preparing to confess to Kyousuke during the short time after he was released from the hospital, like what you did here. An effort that was unfortunately derailed by the events that happened soon after, involving Kyouko, Madoka and the revelation of the truth about Soul Gems.

If it were the case, it would also serve to counter Sayaka's critics' contention that "she had all the time to confess to Kyousuke before Hitomi gave her an ultimatum, but she did nothing". Assuming she was preparing to do just that, then it simply becomes a case of being preempted, and then followed by a "Heroic BSOD" after the truth of the Soul Gems is exposed.

Spoiler for on Kyouko:

When Kyouko confronted Sayaka outside Kyousuke's house, I think the line "Then he'll be totally yours... body and soul." would be better as "Then he'll be yours. His heart, body, everything."

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The reason would be that it is closer to what Kyouko actually said. She mentioned kokoro, which could be taken to mean heart/mind/spirit, but in the context of romance, heart works best here, and zenbu, which literally means "all", implies that Kyousuke's life and future (practically his everything) would then become dependent on Sayaka.

and the line “I'll do it for you if you don't have the guts.” would work better as "If you'd feel bad about that, I can always do it for you."

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This is because it would then change from Kyouko simply mocking Sayaka lacking courage to Kyouko mocking Sayaka's good nature. Instead of ridicule for lacking guts (which is not something that Sayaka has in short supply), she'll be making fun of her ideals instead.

On their cancelled fight on the overpass, I had the impression from the anime that Kyouko was going to fight Sayaka contrary to her agreement with Homura not because she wanted to solve the problem in a less boring way, but because she got impatient with what she thought was Homura's ineffective method.

So, I disagree with Kyouko here trying to be extra flashy and wanting to put on a show, not only because it contradicts her earlier reason of "People will probably see us here." but also from the subs I saw for the anime, she said nothing about "putting on a good show", but rather a line about "going all out".

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This "Let's go all out." line implies that Kyouko is in it mostly for the thrill of fighting and not for the thrill of putting on a spectacle for everyone else to see (aside from her real objective of causing Sayaka to become disillusioned from her ideals and come to see things her way).

In my opinion, Kyouko here currently holds a "survivalist" mindset that has tossed away normal notions of right and wrong. She is a pragmatic, street smart and jaded individual who doesn't care much for extra flashy appearances. To a certain degree, she was a bit flashy, probably to satisfy a limited sense of aesthetics, but not in a way that will become a hindrance, and certainly not at a level on par with Mami's. This is seen from her relatively quick transformation sequences. In the Drama CD 2, she also made fun of Mami for naming her ultimate attack (Mami was also the one who named Kyouko's Rosso Fantasma).

Spoiler for Drama CD 2:

While the Drama CD 2 took place in an unknown, relatively ideal timeline, they were still very much in-character there. (That's also likely the closest thing to Director Shinbo's Slice-of-Life Madoka story we'll ever have...)

Issues aside, I definitely agree with her enthusiasm for battle here, it seemed very in-character for her to relish fighting, unlike Sayaka who expressed her trepidation to Madoka in Episode 5. Also, I found the way she checked out Sayaka to be quite interesting.

I haven't seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (and most Hollywood movies from the past ~5 years, for that matter ), so I can't really say anything about your reference there.

Spoiler for Kyouko Insults Madoka:

This is another scene where we would clash due to translation differences. Here, Kyouko says “Annoying people always attract annoying friends!”, and then Homura appears behind her saying “Are you saying something about me?” which gives hints about Homura's connections to Madoka (but strikes me as Homura being too open here).

But in my version, Kyouko insults Madoka by saying "Hmph. It's not surprising that the annoying bitch has an annoying friend." To which Homura suddenly replies "Then what would that make your friend?", which hints her knowing about Kyouko eventually getting close to Sayaka later on.

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Kyouko's line in the scene where Homura was about to take action, “You've got until I'm done eating.”, was different in the version I've seen, where she gave Homura a much shorter time limit, stating "Then I'll wait until I'm done eating this." and pointed to the Pocky stick in her mouth.

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It's interesting how you changed the small truck (probably a 6/10-wheeler) into a huge 18-wheeler to make it more dramatic. I think the line "But then... it was like... it was like Sayaka was a life-sized puppet that just had its strings cut." is kind of awkward and could be better worded as "But then... Sayaka suddenly fainted/lost consciousness like a life-sized puppet that just had its strings cut."

Kyuubey's explanation of the truth is mostly the same with what I've seen, but varies in the part “A Puella Magi's former body is just a big robot. Your soul is in a form that more efficiently uses magic. Since it's smaller, it's also much safer."

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This is more specific, and avoids a reference to big robots, which I think feels out of place. Plus, Kyuubey actually said "hardware" in that scene.

While I did point out a lot of things here, the rest of the chapter is pretty much still on target. This is what I meant in a past response when I said that we're likely going to have differences somewhere along the road because of subtitle differences.

Spoiler for Kyouko gives Sayaka another chance Section:

We now have two stalkers in the story.

Spoiler for Choice 13A:

As I have stated before, my objections to Kyouko's extra flashiness still stands.

I could have said that it is possible for Homura's cold-blooded killer plan to backfire here and turn Madoka into a magical girl, but because this is essentially the "cowardly path" for Madoka, you get away with shooting down that possibility.

I liked the Saki reference you placed here, though it is still a Bad End nonetheless. The mahjong "ability" you gave her works. Clever (and fortuitous) of you to assign the pink-haired Madoka as a substitute for the pink-haired Nodoka Haramura in that picture.

I find the "Tsumo after a Tragedy" ending title amusing, it works because by the rules of Riichi Mahjong, Tsumo is a win from a tile that you drew/dealt to you by the dealer, as opposed to a Ron, which is an aggressive win from an opponent's discarded tile (in the sense that the one who discarded the tile would have to pay you all the points). A kind-of-passive win, just as what Madoka decided to do to reach this end: remain kind-of-passive and just let fate do things for you.

Spoiler for Choice 13B:

Madoka backing off was quite short-lived, but that's something to be expected from her, given what she did when Hitomi was the one in trouble. She normally cared deeply for her friends, after all, and would've become a magical girl just to save Sayaka back in her first fight with Kyouko. Madoka stopping Sayaka here would still follow Junko's advice to "do something wrong", this time by breaking her word with Sayaka.

While this event has mostly merged this minor branch with the canon narrative, I think this act of Madoka's could also still deal another big blow to her relationship with Sayaka. This might constitute another betrayal from Sayaka's point of view.

Spoiler for A startling meeting Section:

Very interesting, and logical to see Homura as the one to talk to Sayaka instead of Kyouko here. It's surprising to see Homura so being so open and detailed to Sayaka, but not unreasonable, especially since she came to ask for assistance. Homura wouldn't be taking chances now that Mami is dead and Kyouko is out of action. She's legendary for her persistence, especially where Madoka's safety is concerned, so I imagine that she wouldn't simply leave if Sayaka rebuffed her here. Homura won't be taking "no" for an answer in this situation.

I agree with you giving Sayaka a healthy dose of skepticism here, seeing as up until then, she viewed Homura as just another opportunistic, self-centered magical girl. Sayaka isn't one to easily trust strangers and outsiders after all. She has her faults, but being gullible definitely isn't one of them.

I was surprised to see Homura use an appeal to nationalism here to get through to Sayaka. Patriotism is also a form of heroism, I guess, but given the general lack of nationalistic appeal in the story, it was still a bit surprising.

This particular section seems to be quite the ideal one for Sayaka. However, I know enough not to simply think that all will be well from now on. Two things can still happen from this point, one possible road for the Sayaka x Kyousuke fans (yes, they actually exist, but they're... critically endangered ), and the other one would be a thorny, darker path...

Homura/Sayaka Alliance Chain:

Spoiler for Homura/Sayaka Alliance:

Very interesting to see Kyouko using her illusion magic again here. According to translated text from a magazine article, she lost her ability to use those powers after becoming disillusioned from the tragedy that destroyed her family. Now that she's essentially doing the work of a hero and leading a resistance group, I think it's safe to say that she has conquered her disillusionment and found her old ideals again here.

I agree with Kogetsu that the yellow submersible you described stands out. Is it a reference to something? A certain vintage song by a certain famous band from the 60s is all that comes to mind... Also, that Masato character, is he an original?

This Crimson Knight Resistance concept you have is fascinating. I liked the idea of organized resistance groups fighting against a superior, established, tyrannical regime (Yeah, I liked that concept in S;G, CG and GC). The existence of this and other resistance groups takes care of the problem of overwhelming firepower that Emperor Jinnai would have on his hands, and our protagonists are not hopelessly outgunned and outnumbered anymore.

A conventional war of attrition without the assistance of these groups will only end badly for them. Homura's armory would run out, and her ability to stop time has limits. Despite Madoka's immense power, she'll eventually run out of magical power, as with Homura. Even if Sayaka makes a contract, she'll also run out of power, and her average magical potential won't allow her to make a wish that will undo Madoka's. Adding from what Kogetsu mentioned about Madoka, not only can she wish to completely change history, she can wish to rewrite the fundamental laws of, and rebuild the entire universe.

I found your alternate take on world history here really fascinating. I admit that I've also got a history buff side to me, with special interest in the events of WWII. I never imagined I'd see the names of the likes of Adolf Hitler, Benito Mussolini and Hideki Tojo here. One thing I'd like to point out is that in Japan, deceased emperors are referred to by only their posthumous names, like Emperors Meiji and Taisho, and in Hirohito's case, Emperor Showa. Only outside of Japan is he still referred to as Emperor Hirohito. Suffice to say, you've got me positively hooked on this chapter with this.

It's a pleasant surprise to see you've used nearly all the alternative colors I suggested for switching between the girls' views.

Thanks for the update. I especially enjoyed the Homura/Sayaka Alliance section.

[Kirito]

Sorry for my late reply Triple R. I hope you don't mind me cutting the formalities. I'm now going to give you feedback for the Sayaka Romance and Current Canon Route in turn (when I carefully finish reading it).

Well let's get started "Ahem"

Current Madoka x Sayaka Romance Scenario:

Excellent work on continuously showing us the insecurities that Madoka's still having regarding the relationship toward Sayaka, and the latter hesitations towards her old flame aka Kyousuke Kamijou. Sayaka's hesitations is quite natural because she's conflicted between a loving relationship with Madoka that many people won't approve of, and a normal healthy relationship that a mass majority would accept. Sayaka is my second favorite girl in the series, and this add much depth in her emotional turmoil in regards to romance and friendship in general.

It's still clear to me and your readers that Sayaka still has feelings for the boy she has taken care of all those years, and the timing on his discharge really threw a wrench in her gears. Great work on emphasizing on Sayaka's hesitations because in those situations I'm sure many of us hesitate and we need to come clear on ours feelings before the situation becomes more complicated or worse.

Part One: Madoka's Big Decision:

Spoiler for Madoka's Big Decision::

Madoka's insecurities got the best of her and the dev...I mean Kyubey's persuasions really paid off, considering that he got her soul in exchange for her girlfriends old crush getting his chance to play music again. Sayaka practically admitting that she has feelings for Kamijou is a godsend considering it's what cause Madoka's insecurites and her own hesitations.

Sayaka seemed to take Madoka becoming a Magical Girl and the wish for Kamijou hand to be healed without so much as consulting her a little well. I think it's understandable because in the heat of her insecurities she wanted to help the person she loves. It once again shows that Madoka will sacrifice anything to see Sayaka or anyone she cares about happy, because that's within her character. That showed when Sayaka was crying tears of joy listening to Kamijou play music again.

Part Two: Homura's Request:

Spoiler for Homura's Request:

Homura seeing Madoka entering a relationship with Sayaka is obviously hurting her to do what she did, knowing that she won't forgive herself for it. Homura is just like Sayaka in terms of their dedication to Madoka in terms of how their hearts are divided:

1. Sayaka's love for Kamijou
2. Homura's shutting her heart from Madoka in order to save her, without so much as revealing her true feelings.

In a way, I'm not sure if this is what you intended, but Homura, when she persuaded Sayaka to wish Madoka back into a normal girl she had a "Kyubey" mentally, which really shocked me. I mean, in order to save Madoka, she became the one thing she despises with her very being, dude that's crazy!

Sayaka's death was really a huge blow that Homura's couldn't bring herself to apologize or even be with her during her times of grief. I mean she literally became a devil to save the girl she loves, but someone died in the process, even though that wasn't her intention to "sentence" someone to their death.

The Mami romance end was excellent but the end felt me melancholic because she became the one thing she hated to save the life of another. I mean I know that we all have a "demon" inside us, but Homura never struck me as someone who'd sacrifice the lives of others for her own agenda and logic.

I want to share this one song with you that reminds me of Homura's love for Madoka. I hope you enjoy it because it truly speaks out to me how Homura's will fight destiny even god him/itself to save the girl she loves and how her feelings will possibly never be known to her. I hope you enjoy it (lyrics are added with the song incase if you find the audio too choppy). Enjoy !!

Spoiler for Homura Song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHO0M...ure=plpp_video

Part 3: Hitomi/Sayaka Comes Clean:

Spoiler for Hitomi/Sayaka Comes Clean:

Now we're at the turning point in Sayaka's relationship between Madoka and Kamijou. Sayaka taking Hitomi's confession too well was a surprise considering that she's still in doubt about her feelings for Kamijou. I know that Sayaka loves Madoka deeply but the real question is can she move on from Kamijou if Hitomi started dating him? It's going to be interesting if her feelings will waver or will it help her put 100% dedication to Madoka who's obviously still in her insecurity phase. I get the feeling that Kyubey will probably be sneaky and make a move on Madoka again if her insecurities worsen. It's a calm before the storm and trouble seems to be brewing.

Hitomi on the other hand is taking the romance between Madoka and Sayaka too well, as well, considering that she doesn't seem to approve that kind of relationship. To me it seems like a calm before the storm (like in the same situation here but in canon form), even though she promised not to now say anything, I really can't trust her because I think that she'll make it clear to Sayaka that Kamijou is hers alone and if she's serious about Madoka than you wouldn't mind if he knew kind of scenario.

The drama between the two girls in love is definitely showing and one persons feelings (Sayaka's) will definitely be tested, I'm really interested into where this is going.

Truly amazing work on how one's doubts, insecurities, and desperation really come into play here. Sayaka's still in doubt about her feelings regarding Madoka and Kamijou, Homura became something she shouldn't have, and the Hitomi/Sayaka revelations and possible stand off. It's clear that many feelings haven't or have yet to be sorted out so congrats on emphasizing those feelings, you've really done your Madoka homework, as always. Two thumbs up really awesome read, you rock!!

Grading Time:

Spoiler for Pros:

The story and selection of choices were excellent and the drama was pretty intense because to me it seemed the Hitomi and Sayaka moment seemed like a stand off. I don't know, but that's just me. The emphasis on the feelings were perfect and the interactions were convincing. I'll give you a 9.5/10, congrats, you've earned it. Your work never ceases to amaze me "standing ovation" . I'm really honored that you liked my heroine perspective idea and the color usage was excellent.

Spoiler for Cons:

The parts where Sayaka took Madoka becoming a magical girl and Hitomi's taking Sayaka's revelation a little too well didn't seemed to have that sort of "depth" I thought you'd add to the story. Maybe you have something up your sleeve for the next update, but that's all I can say...for now.

Excellent work as always and I look forward to your next work. Keep up the great work, I'm be waiting!! (I'll write my canon feedback shortly. I'm now reading and revising how I'll write my review.)

[Kimidori]

I just remaked chapter 1 with normal Visual Novel Style, download below

http://www.mediafire.com/?8p062dpk5owgqej

please tell me what do you think about it. next release will be the remake of the VN to chapter 5

[Kirito]

I'm truly impressed with the art and the update on this, it feels more like a visual novel, I love it!!

Keep it coming I want to play/see more of this, the art is incredible.

[Triple_R]

Originally Posted by Kimidori

I just remaked chapter 1 with normal Visual Novel Style, download below

http://www.mediafire.com/?8p062dpk5owgqej

please tell me what do you think about it. next release will be the remake of the VN to chapter 5

Oh man, that's great!

I literally loled at how you handled the results for the two affection-changing options for Choice 1. Each one was truly adorable in its own way.

Homura's facial expression for either of the two affection-changing options for Choice 2 was similarly well-done and nicely memorable.

This format change really does make it more enjoyable, and I'd strongly encourage all fanfic readers to check out this new version.


I like how this new version is a hybrid - You kept what worked fine in the old version, but spruced up key dialogue-heavy scenes. That's probably the way to go until you reach Mami Lives at least (after that, it might have to go almost entirely conventional-style, and that's fine).


I guess that now we should be able to get a VN for this up until... Jinnai appears? I guess OC characters and OC settings (i.e. the beach in Mami Lives) are the only major issues now. I've been thinking of removing the entire Homura/Sayaka Alliance chain from the VN version of this in order to make your part of this easier, Kimidori. If readers are fine with that, I might go that route.


Anyway, awesome work! It truly made my Sunday, as I battle through the flu. I hope to have Mami Lives Chapter 7 up within a day or so. I also intend to eventually get back to the excellent replies by Coldlight, Konakaga, and Deikan.