Well, uh, hi. I'm an author on fanfiction.net, like some of you, and I recently completed the first chapter of a Nanoha story I've been bopping around for a little while, and finally decided to put to text after riding a very entertaining story set in the 'verse. I think it's pretty good, but for better or worse that site usually isn't the best place to look to for constructive criticism.
So I've decided to take it here after seeing some of the intelligent discussion you guys can put forth (unlike certain other fans I won't name). It's a little long - well, almost 20,000 words - so don't click it unless you have some spare time.
Specifically, make sure to tell me if I got anything wrong about how the Bureau runs, and the various departments it's made up of. Well, aside from the new Sections being introduced, that's just something I made up for the story. Also feel free to ask me about the characters: their Devices, how they fight, their individual rankings, and what references I snuck into them.
I hope it's to your satisfaction, and if not, well, I can try to fix that. That's what this topic is for, as I've read it.
Truly a beautiful, if sad, piece. I can certainly relate to the feeling behind it, and I admit I thought I would cry several times while reading through it. Very good job with the short, and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you feel better. *hugs*
Part of me is like "Darn it, I didn't make you cry" and the other part is like "...Why did I want her to cry?"
I'm glad you liked it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi
Honestly, I wish I knew my grandparents a bit better. I barely remember them since I only met them a handful of times in Hong Kong when I was 3 years old before moving to Canada permanently.
Grandparents are fun!
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Originally Posted by 00-Raiser
This was very well done. Everyone handles death differently so there's no 'proper' way to act at a funeral. I've been to far too many than I care to count, and they all vary. Some are a sombre deal, some are more like a celebration.
I really empathized with Vivio here, as like I said before I've been to many funerals and I didn't always know how I was supposed to feel or act (usually because I had no idea who the dead person was). In the end you really do need to look to the future and move forward while keeping the departed's memory in your heart.
It was a great piece.
... Though I do have to admit it did make me happy to see 'Yuuno-papa'
As Dezo properly pointed out, it was necessary for the piece. I'm glad my main points seem to have struck chords .
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moczo
A good piece. Sad, obviously, but good. It relaly gets across the sense of loss very well, but it's also reassuring to see the family coming together to cope. The last bits are really hopeful, they make you feel like 'it will take awhile, but everything will be all right. Never the same, but... all right.'
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Originally Posted by Nanya01
That was...
Very good. Very, VERY good. *nods*
Good job, even if it was sad.
For some reason, my best stuff is melancholy or sadder. Is that a bad thing?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rising Dragon
To be honest, a grandson position at a funeral is something I can't really relate to; I was never really that close to my grandparents and never really got the chance to even meet my grandfathers...
But losing a father... I know how that goes all too well, so this fic really hit close to home. Like I said in the rep, I really hope writing this fic helped you.
I'm glad you related to it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin
I can't speak to its effect on your emotions, but I help that it served as some kind of catharsis for you.
As for the fic itself as a story, though, I liked it quite a lot. Having Yuuno give the take on the idea of having a single father-figure was quite touching (given the Scrya clan's generalized approach to parenting). I enjoyed Vivio's self-searching as she attempts to explore her own feelings, her own sense of loss by looking at and comparing to the rest of the family and their reactions (I also liked the bit in the first paragraph about her not being looked at for the same reasons, which helps to immediately give that sense of place and person that's good--it makes the narration "feel" like Vivio because it anchors it in something we know about her right from the start).
I also like how it ends on a hopeful note of sorts, as Vivio realizes that even though Shiro is gone, that the impact that he made on people's lives and the meaning he held for them never goes away. It's not a happy ending, but it's an ending that shows her moving into the acceptance stage of grief, rather than being immersed in sadness, which is more typical for death-centric fics (and those that aren't tend to be of the "at the grave some time later," after the mental adjustment has already taken place--this, in contrast, shows the process), and it's something that I find elevates this story above the norm.
I think that this is partially due to the delay between the funeral I actually attended and actually writing the fic (about two months). Plus the fact that it was part of my own "coming to terms" process. I'm glad you think that makes the narrative stronger.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DezoPenguin
Yes, there are a couple of rough points, such as "a cousin that I could never remember the name of" and the interpolation about Nanoha being useless at dating advice, which kind of throw the flow off. But all in all, an excellent and moving story.
Edit: Pageclaim for a shipping choice which actually goes to further the themes and message of the story!
Yup. For a lot of reasons, it had to be Yuuno.
The first issue you point out is that I ran out of people I thought would make sense as the escort. When you mentioned it, though, my mind went straight to Chrono, though maybe it should be Fate? I probably made it more complicated by allowing females to be pallbearers That's something that should be fixed.
The second one was just something that's just hugely fanon Nanoha... and is the kind of tangent that my thoughts took a lot while in the funeral. There was no time that I wasn't churning some thought over in my mind, and it didn't always have to do with anything else. Just... thoughts. Did it not work because it broke that paragraph too strongly?
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I sort of assigned roles based on what actually happened. (I was Vivio, eldest grandchild. Dad gave the speech for his father-in-law though Mom wrote it. Dad added a bit at the end, etc. ...though I had to screw around with the Pallbearers a little bit) Which I think helped in making the mood exactly what it needed to be for the short.
To be honest, I was surprised it was so well-received. Originally I was just gonna leave it as it was and here. But now I think I might edit it and put it up on ff.net. But I'm not gonna touch the version in this thread. There's something to be said about the raw version's essence, I think.
Location: Pennsylvania. It's sort of like a real state.
Age: 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justin_Brett
Well, uh, hi. I'm an author on fanfiction.net, like some of you, and I recently completed the first chapter of a Nanoha story I've been bopping around for a little while, and finally decided to put to text after riding a very entertaining story set in the 'verse. I think it's pretty good, but for better or worse that site usually isn't the best place to look to for constructive criticism.
So I've decided to take it here after seeing some of the intelligent discussion you guys can put forth (unlike certain other fans I won't name). It's a little long - well, almost 20,000 words - so don't click it unless you have some spare time.
Specifically, make sure to tell me if I got anything wrong about how the Bureau runs, and the various departments it's made up of. Well, aside from the new Sections being introduced, that's just something I made up for the story. Also feel free to ask me about the characters: their Devices, how they fight, their individual rankings, and what references I snuck into them.
I hope it's to your satisfaction, and if not, well, I can try to fix that. That's what this topic is for, as I've read it.
Nice to see ya! I thought you were the guy who's been reviewing Infinity for awhile; welcome to the thread!
I read the chapter, left a review, and all that jazz. My thoughts are left in more detail in the review itself, but just to emphasize; a couple rough spots, but nothing really major. Overall, I was impressed and really enjoy the tone of your writing style.
And, er... thanks for mentioning me at the end there, but I wish it hadn't been in such a way as to draw attention to my habit of making continuity errors...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tempy
New objective: write something that makes RB cry.
You fool, you're playing right into her hands! She feeds on sorrow, all you will do is make her stronger!
The first issue you point out is that I ran out of people I thought would make sense as the escort. When you mentioned it, though, my mind went straight to Chrono, though maybe it should be Fate? I probably made it more complicated by allowing females to be pallbearers That's something that should be fixed.
The second one was just something that's just hugely fanon Nanoha... and is the kind of tangent that my thoughts took a lot while in the funeral. There was no time that I wasn't churning some thought over in my mind, and it didn't always have to do with anything else. Just... thoughts. Did it not work because it broke that paragraph too strongly?
Yes, this (bolded for emphasis). The "roughness" I referred to, and these incidents in particular, are strictly questions of sentence structure causing "hiccups," I'd guess you'd say, in the flow of the reading. I have no quibbles with the actual content.
The second one was just something that's just hugely fanon Nanoha... and is the kind of tangent that my thoughts took a lot while in the funeral. There was no time that I wasn't churning some thought over in my mind, and it didn't always have to do with anything else.
That's very understandable, as your mind wants to think about something other than the fact that your loved one is gone, so random thoughts happen. So having Vivio do that really adds to the realism of the fic.
If you needed another paul bearer, Shiro does have a sister (Miyuki's mother) named Misato.
Otherwise, the only real problem is that Shiro would probably have a japanese funeral, not an catholic one But I think we can easily overlook that
Yes, this (bolded for emphasis). The "roughness" I referred to, and these incidents in particular, are strictly questions of sentence structure causing "hiccups," I'd guess you'd say, in the flow of the reading. I have no quibbles with the actual content.
Gotcha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 00-Raiser
That's very understandable, as your mind wants to think about something other than the fact that your loved one is gone, so random thoughts happen. So having Vivio do that really adds to the realism of the fic.
If you needed another paul bearer, Shiro does have a sister (Miyuki's mother) named Misato.
Otherwise, the only real problem is that Shiro would probably have a japanese funeral, not an catholic one But I think we can easily overlook that
Especially since I did gloss over most of the specifics? I decided early on that since I didn't have a damn clue what a Japanese funeral would be like, and I wasn't really writing for a canon-worthy funeral, I just wrote what I knew.
Especially since I did gloss over most of the specifics? I decided early on that since I didn't have a damn clue what a Japanese funeral would be like, and I wasn't really writing for a canon-worthy funeral, I just wrote what I knew.
Yeah, it's best to write what you know. Sometimes when I write school related stories, I use elements unique to American schools rather than Japanese ones
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Originally Posted by spawnofthejudge
Hee-hee, Paul Bearer
I think my mind slipped back to a time when I was still into Professional Wrestling
Yeah, it's best to write what you know. Sometimes when I write school related stories, I use elements unique to American schools rather than Japanese ones
Well, then it becomes a question of research. Since this was designed entirely emotionally, facts simply were not important enough to get in the way.
I wrote up another chapter to "Numbers in Nerima" and thought to share.
Cinque and Dieci are the main stars of this chapter.
Spoiler for Numbers in Nerima 8:
It was a dark and stormy night, an evil that the world hadn’t seen in a long time had awakened from its long slumber as the rock holding it in finally broke and fell apart. The great evil stood up, before falling down and planting its face into the dirt.
As it raised a feeble hand up into the air, it let out a word that came to represent sheer terror for everyone that would hear it in the future.
”Panties…”
(---)
Mousse grimaced as he jumped into the air, barely avoiding an explosion that took his spot moments later. As he landed on a fence, he looked around, his eyes darting around behind his thick, coke-bottle size glasses, trying to find the source of these explosions.
“Got you.” A soft, female voice said, which caused his eyes to widen as he spun around, chains whipping out from his robes, before several knives pinned down his robes to the sidewalk under him. “Now…” He watched as a small girl, wearing red shorts, a light red shirt, a black eye patch and long, silver hair looked at him, frowning. “Leave my sister, Nove alone.”
Mousse grimaced as she basically straddled his chest. “Why should I listen to such a little girl?” Now, if it was Shampoo, he might actually listen, not to mention that she was a lot better looking than some little girl with silver hair.
Narrowing her good eye, Cinque brought out a Stinger Knife and held it above his head. “Because I can make practically everything I’ve touched explode, and since I’ve touched all of these knives, well… It wouldn’t be pleasant, would it.” She slowly swung the knife above his head. “Now… You are going to stop attacking my sister whenever you feel like it. You are going to leave her alone unless you give her a proper challenge ahead of time and you are not to announce it as you attack her, do you understand?”
“Why should… GRUK!” Mousse’s eyes bugged out slightly as she grabbed his throat, his mouth was forced open as she put the knife just centimeters away from his lips.
“Now, you are going to leave Nove alone, or the next time I see you, I’ll tie you down, and drop this into your mouth before making it explode, do you understand?” When he nodded slightly, after a few moments, Cinque got off of him before canceling the knives that were pinning him down. “I don’t wish to kill you, but to protect my little sisters, I will do anything, even sacrifice my own life for them if I have to, as long as they live, nothing much matters to me, understand?”
“…Fine…” Mousse muttered, just loud enough for Cinque to hear, before she walked off, leaving the myopic Amazon to stew in his anger for awhile. He couldn’t believe such a little girl did something like that to him. “Stupid outsiders, can’t they just mind their own business?” He whispered as he got up and walked off. Some further… Planning was needed.
Watching this, a certain purple-haired entity smirked and tapped her chin before disappearing. “Oooh! Won’t Ranma want to know about this?” She giggled as her voice disappeared onto the wind.
(---)
Sighing as she walked back to the Tendo place, Cinque wondered about where her life was going. She liked how her sisters were able to live and enjoy themselves. But what about her? What did she have? It didn’t help that, as she walked past a window, she took a look at herself and sighed heavily. No matter the fact that she was older than anyone but Uno and Tre, she looked like she was ten, twelve if she was lucky, and she couldn’t change that. It really did suck, since while she looked after her sisters, she just wouldn’t get older.
little girl, little girl, little girl.
She clutched her head and grimaced as those words rolled through her mind over and over again. “I didn’t ask for this body. I didn’t ask to be a cyborg. I didn’t ask to be like this.” Tears were leaking out of her good eye as she tried to stave off what she was hearing in her mind. “I didn’t want… I didn’t want any of this, I can’t help what I am.”
She didn’t know how long she was standing there, but the next thing she knew she felt a hand on her shoulder, startling her as she spun around, her eye was red and puffy as tears still leaked out of it. “What..?” She blinked as she found herself pulled into a hug. “Ranma, what?”
“Heard that you were feeling down.” He muttered as she hugged him back tightly. “And I was walking with Dieci to go to the zoo. Want to come with?” He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t answer right away, the way her small body shook and trembled was a good indication of her mental state. Despite the fact that she was the one who looked after her sisters, Cinque still had human emotions and insecurities, and considering what Mousse had said, at least according to Lilith, he wasn’t surprised to find that she was in an emotionally unstable and fragile state of mind at that moment.
After a few minutes, Cinque pulled back, blushing hard as Ranma gave her a paper hand towel. Wiping her face off, she smiled as he stood up to his full height. “Um… Can I come with you?”
“I think I asked if you wanted to join us.” Ranma chuckled at her and held out a hand for her to take. “Come on.” Taking his hand, the two walked a few feet where Dieci was waiting for them quietly. When they got to her, she smiled and grabbed Cinque’s other hand.
“So, we were heading to the petting zoo, right?” Dieci asked and smiled as Ranma nodded and Cinque’s face lit up.
“Yeah.”
(---)
Cinque was in heaven, okay, not really, but it was as close as she could get in life as she held a small bunny in her arms and was petting it. Near her, Dieci was petting a small deer, she didn’t even know how the zoo got a deer so tame, but she wasn’t complaining, especially since it was just eating out of her hand and tickling her with its tongue.
Watching them, Ranma just sat on a nearby bench. When he was younger, he might have sat on the wall behind him, but those were days long past and…
“Who the hell am I kidding?” He muttered before jumping up from his sitting position and sitting on the edge of the wall. “Much better.” He couldn’t help it. He loved the high ground. Idly, Ranma wondered if maybe there was something that required all anchors to have a quirk of something that they really enjoyed to do for fun. He loved being up high, looking down at the world, Nanoha had her love of flying, Naruto had his love of ramen, and Shinji had his love of music, though that last one seemed rather mundane compared to the rest of them, but it was still there. Looking down, he resisted the urge to laugh as some sheep walked up to Cinque and butted their heads against her back to get her attention. When she turned and practically squealed in delight, Ranma shook his head. She was acting just like the teenager that she was. It was… Rather refreshing, actually.
Down in the pens, Dieci was laughing as the deer practically started nuzzling her with its head and neck. She didn’t know why Ranma suddenly asked her if she wanted to come with, but she wasn’t complaining. Especially if it gave results like this.
As for Cinque? Well, the poor girl looked like she really was about to die from happiness caused by cuteness overload. When a baby cow came over and mooed at her, she passed out, a blissed out smile on her face as the animals converged on her.
(---)
“Nnngh… No more licks… I have no more food… no more… hee hee…”
Dieci sweat-dropped as she heard Cinque talk in her semi-conscious state. “I don’t know if that’s normal or not…”
Ranma shrugged as he rubbed Cinque’s back, the small girl was laying down on his lap and twitching occasionally. “I’ve seen people who were coming down from a sugar rush act similar for awhile.” He chuckled as Dieci nodded at him. “She’ll snap out of it soon enough.”
“I hope so.” Dieci chuckled softly. “I’m not used to seeing her like this.”
“I don’t think anyone is.” Ranma laughed softly, but secretly, he was glad that Cinque could just let go and be a kid at times. Even if someone calling her a child hurt her badly, being able to just let go and be herself was something that he enjoyed to see.
“Hey, Ranma…” He turned to Dieci, who was looking at the ground, her face seemingly in thought. “Why us?”
“Huh?” He might have had a lot of abilities, but reading someone’s mind when they asked a vague question like that wasn’t completely within his realm of abilities. Maybe if he was Xavier or a deity, he would be able to, but he was neither, so it wasn’t really something he could do.
“Why care about us?” Dieci sighed softly, her face troubled. “I heard from Nabiki… You have women who love you, and there’s a few people who dislike you, but still look up to you… And you even have people who look up to you as a surrogate father, even though you were mean to them… So, why us? Why even bother caring about us?”
Ranma scooted over to Dieci and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. “Because I’m a horrible person, because I want to teach people, I want to make up for what I did in the past, and because I thought that you and your sisters deserved better than being left behind without any experiences for yourselves.”
“Really?” The two looked down at Cinque as she looked up at the two of them. “You aren’t a bad person.”
He shook his head, sighing and chuckling softly. “I’m a jerk, asshole, selfish and utterly rude to people.” He closed his eyes and leaned back. “I’m too scarred, mentally and spiritually, to really do much anymore, I guess I’m just trying too hard.”
“No you aren’t.” Cinque said as she sat up and hugged him tightly. “Nabiki told us, about the man who originally created all of us… About Jail Scagiletti… You’re a better person than he is, no matter what you think.”
“Cinque..?” Ranma blinked, he hadn’t expected her to hug him. “What..?”
She pulled back and smiled at him. “You aren’t a bad person, you wouldn’t have cared to help us if you were… A bad person wouldn’t help Nove, Wendi, Sette, Tre or comfort me when I was sad.”
Dieci chuckled and put her arm around Ranma’s shoulders. “I think you’re a nice guy too, better than what you think.” She giggled softly. “Thanks for helping us.”
Ranma was old, older than most everyone in reality by this point, he wasn’t prone to erupting into emotion, but these girls, the former numbers… He surprised both of them when he hugged them tightly, tears falling down his face. None of the three spoke for awhile, Ranma, because he was just… Happy, and the girls because they weren’t sure what to say.
In the end though, they decided to just enjoy it.
Deep down, Cinque wondered if Ranma was helping them, or if they were helping him. It seemed to be a bit of both from her point of view.
(---)
Sein and Wendi were at a local park undertaking a task of monumental importance. “He’s pretty cute.” Sein pointed out a random jogger as he ran by them.
Yes, both Sein and Wendi were partaking of the “check out the cute boys” mission that most teenaged girls in Japan went through.
Wendi nodded and giggled as she saw a small girl with red hair trying to keep a much larger dog from running off with her and failing as it suddenly woofed and started to run, causing the little slip of a girl to get dragged through the air as he feet were forcibly removed from the ground. “Yeah…” Wendi pointed out to another boy as he walked by them on a pathway a few feet away. “He’s got a cute butt.”
Sein nodded and laughed as the dog ran into that boy, causing him to crash into the ground. “Maybe we should stop the dog?”
Nodding, Wendi waited until it got close and froze the ground under its feet, causing it to slip and fall, sliding for a few feet where Sein grabbed it and started hugging and petting the large dog. Wendi wondered if maybe the dog was a Saint Bernard, it was definitely big enough.
“Thank you.” The young girl panted as she got to her feet. Her outfit was a little scuffed and dirty, but she was smiling. “Yosef is usually a good dog, but he’s so strong.”
Sein smiled at the young girl as she rubbed the big dog on the belly after it lay down on the ground. “He seems like a good doggie.” She smiled more as the young girl nodded. “It might be easier to ride on his back, don’t you think?” The girl’s eyes lit up as Sein stopped rubbing the dog’s belly, causing him to get to his feet. Grabbing the girl, Wendi put her on the dog’s back and the two laughed as the dog took off, this time the young girl was able to at least avoid being dragged through the air like she had been last time.
“That was fun.” Wendi giggled softly, but blinked as the ground started to rumble. “Uh… Is this supposed to happen?”
“It’s Japan, don’t they have earthquakes every ten seconds?” Sein scratched her head. “Or am I thinking Los Angeles?”
“I think they have Monsoons every ten seconds.”
“Aren’t those supposed to be over by India?” Sein scratched her head as the rumbling, to them, got louder. Most people probably wouldn’t be able to hear it until it was too late.
“Maybe… What about out of control forest fires?”
“You’re thinking California.”
“Oh yeah.” Wendi nodded before the two jumped back as the ground started to bubble up and then explode outwards. “Huh, that was odd.”
“Where am I now?!” A familiar male voice was heard and the two blinked as the dust settled and a slightly dirty Ryoga was standing there. “Huh? Oh, it’s you two, uh…”
“Wendi.”
“Sein.” The two said flatly as they looked at him through lidded eyes.
“Oh yeah…” Ryoga nodded and blinked, grumbling to himself. “Actually, I never knew your names, I just knew Tre and Deed.” Tre, because he had fought her and Deed because she beat him up. Looking at the two of them, his eyes lit up as something came to his mind. “Hey, um… I’m a bit lost…”
“You don’t say…” Sein shook her head. “The day you’re not lost is the day I admit that I’m a lesbian.”
“Aren’t you though?” Wendi asked the green-haired girl, who shook her head.
“No… What makes you say that?” Sein looked at her bustier sister in confusion.
“Well, you did teach me how to grope breasts in the bath.” Wendi held up one finger.
“Well, yeah…” Sein sweat-dropped slightly.
“Then I heard about what you did to Caro, Subaru, Teana, Nove, Rio, Corona, Einhart, Lutecia and Vivio…” A second finger went up.
“Uh, yeah, but that…” Sein was sweating heavily at that point, a slightly exasperated look on her face as Wendi pointed out the things that she did.
“You groped Teana’s crotch, Rio’s chest and slapped everyone else on the butt…” Wendi stopped and looked at Sein curiously. “You know, that reminds me… Shortly after Godzilla broke everything, you took off with Teana for a long while… Are you attracted to her or something?”
Sein crossed her arms, closed her eyes and turned away. “Hmph! Just because I might have taken Teana out to some bushes and did some incredibly kinky things to her, you just assume I’m a lesbian. Well, I’m not.”
“Riiight…” Wendi drawled out, giving Sein a half-lidded stare. “And Hayate Yagami will spend the rest of the loops as a nun who took a vow of celibacy.”
The two blinked as they heard a thud, turning, they saw Ryoga passed out, blood pooling out from his nose as his eyes swirled.
“Huh, what’s with him?” Wendi asked, getting a shrug from Sein as the only answer.
(---)
Looking at Dieci, Cinque felt her face flushing slightly as the two of them were at a tailor shop and getting measured. It wasn’t Dieci being nearly naked that caused her to flush, but rather the girl who was measuring her. It wasn’t too often that she was in her under garments and getting measured, after all.
Dieci, for her part, had her eyes closed. Though she was mentally swearing that the girl measuring her body was taking her sweet time touching her butt, and she was sure that last touch was a caress. If she hadn’t been asked to strip down to her underwear, she would’ve been dressed in her normal clothes, but this was something special. Her face was turning more and more red as the touches lasted a little too long for her comfort. “Are you done?” She didn’t like pushing people away unless she had to, but this was too much.
“Just finished.” The girl behind her smiled as she stepped away. “Now, we’ll need to get a variety of styles for you two to try on…” She trailed off as a clothing rack full of various clothes were pushed to the fitting room.
Seeing this, both girls sweat-dropped. Yep, life was much easier when they were pranking Mid-Childa, this was torture in comparison.
(---)
“I did it.” Sette said calmly as she walked into the living room, getting Uno and Nove to blink at her in confusion as she walked up to Nabiki. “See?”
The three girls in the living room sweat-dropped as Sette started to rub her belly and pat her head at the same time. “Ah, Sette…” Nabiki did have to admit, that was impressive, since it was only a couple hours since she started to try. “That’s… Nice.”
Sette blinked a few times at her. “But, didn’t you say that only truly dexterous people can do that?”
“I said that people have trouble rubbing their bellies and patting their heads…” Nabiki shook her head and fell over as she saw that Uno was actually trying to do the same thing as Sette, and failing at it.
“This is harder than it looks.” Uno blinked as she found herself having a hard time doing it.
Nove shook her head and left the room, wondering if insanity was contagious.
(---)
The sun was starting to set as people started to go home and relax after school or work, though some were going to various eateries to get a meal before going home.
Ranma looked at the restaurant he stood in front of, he was dressed in casual dress pants and a dark shirt, before wondering why he felt like he needed a cigarette… Or maybe something to lean back against and try to look cool before shrugging it off and shaking his head. Tugging on his pigtail, he wondered if maybe he should spend a few loops with his hair loose. “Heh, that would throw a few people off.” At least for a few moments, maybe, possibly, ah, what did he care? Tapping his chin, he nodded and chuckled. “Next fused loop, I think I’ll become a lawyer with short hair… I just hope that former super hero isn’t still trying to be a lawyer by that point.”
He turned and raised an eyebrow as he saw two females get out of a taxi. One was short, with long silver hair that was tied up into a ponytail, wearing an eye patch and was wearing a modest black dress that had straps on her shoulders, she had white gloves over her arms and she blushed as he smiled and gave her a thumb’s up. Her companion had her long brown hair tied up against her head in loops while wearing a shoulder-less brown dress that hugged her curves in all the right places.
The two blushed more as people openly stared at them, some of them crashed into various things, flower pots, bikes, parked cars, mailboxes, telephone poles, an out of control motorcycle and a purple dinosaur, killing it instantly… All-in-all, minor things.
Smiling at them, Ranma walked up to them and looped his arms through their arms and walked with them into the restaurant. “You two are beautiful.” When they blushed more, he shook his head. “I mean it, Dieci, Cinque, you two look very nice right now.”
“Thank you.” They both said, their faces red as they were led to a small table in the corner.
“Um, so why take us out to dinner?” Cinque asked after a waiter came by and dropped off some menus.
Ranma chuckled softly. “Well, I figured that since I’m spending the day with you two, I should make a full day of it. Besides…” There was a soft smile on his face as he looked at them. “I figure that you two could use a nice night out on the town without your sisters.” He felt a little bad that he hadn’t given either Cinque or Dieci more personal attention, but considering that they were the most stable and balanced of their sisters, they probably wouldn’t have been jealous even if he spent all his time with their other sisters.
“Wouldn’t they get upset?” When Ranma shrugged, Dieci sighed softly. “You’re rather easy going, aren’t you?”
Ranma chuckled softly at that. “I’ve had a long time to go through a lot of different emotions, I’m just taking the time to be relaxed this time.” Especially since he could actually take a step away from the insanity for once. The three went quiet as they looked over their menus.
After a waiter came over to them and got their orders, he nodded to them. “I’ll be back with your orders soon.” He said and turned, muttering something.
“Excuse me?” Cinque said, frowning and narrowing her good eye at him. “Just what did you call Ranma?”
The waiter turned, his face was surprised that she had heard him even speak. “Excuse me?” She couldn’t have heard him, that was impossible. No human had ears that sharp.
“Apologize to him.” Cinque might not have been physically intimidating, but the way she was glaring at him made the waiter quite nervous, well, that and the knife that seemingly appeared in her hands. People pulling knives out on each other wasn’t anything new in any restaurant in Nerima, but for some reason, he felt that the girl knew just what she was doing with that weapon.
“Cinque…” Ranma spoke softly as he grabbed her hand, getting her to look at him and stopping her from doing something crazy with that knife she called out. “It’s okay. He doesn’t know anything.”
“But…” She was confused, it was almost as if Ranma was used to being insulted. “He called you a lolicon.”
“I know.” Ranma sighed softly and looked at the waiter. “Sir, you should know that these lovely ladies are in fact close to my age. Cinque here is sixteen while Dieci is fifteen years old…” Ranma grinned at him in a vaguely creepy manner. “So, calling me a lolicon because someone looks like a young girl is rather insulting to her, and the last person that insulted her ended up pinned to the ground by knives.”
The way that he was grinning, the vague feeling of total doom coming down from somewhere, and where did the outline of a demon cat come from? “Ah… Yes, good point. My apologies, young miss, drinks are on the house.” He bowed and quickly made his way to the kitchen.
Dieci looked at Ranma and giggled softly. “Where did you learn to do the creepy face look?”
“That… is a secret.” Ranma waggled a finger at Dieci and was quite thankful Xellos wasn’t running around in this loop. Or at the very least, he hadn’t felt the fruitcake yet.
(---)
Dieci looked out at the park as she, Cinque and Ranma walked through it. It was starting to get late, the sun was low in the sky, making the formerly blue sky a nice mix of reds and oranges. She had to admit, after a nice dinner like that, other than the waiter’s original comments, taking a relaxing walk was fun. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. It felt rather nice, not being asked to snipe anyone, to not have to fight.
Sure, she was as combat capable as her sisters, but, she didn’t really want to fight if she could help it.
“Are we always going to be forced to fight?” Cinque spoke up suddenly and caught her attention. Dieci wasn’t sure if Cinque was thinking the same things she was. It might have just been a general question, but Dieci agreed with the sentiment.
Ranma sighed as he looked into the evening sky. “Honestly, that’s up to you.” His back was turned to them as he spoke. “Every universe, every universe you go to, there will be problems. Most of them can only be solved with violence, since people aren’t willing to listen until after you’ve beaten them down. And sometimes, it just isn’t enough.” He turned to look at them and smiled. “But, you don’t have to enjoy fighting. For some of us, it’s because we need to survive in dangerous worlds. For others, it’s because we enjoy it. Some of us, it’s both. If you don’t care to fight, it’s up to you, but not everyone is as kind as I am.” Which was saying something, considering how he was some days and loops.
Dieci shook her head. “I kind of figured that we’d fight a lot. If I can support my sisters, that’s all I care about.”
“That’s good…” Ranma trailed off and turned to the side, his eyes narrowing. “What the..?”
“Hahahahahahahaha! This is so good!” An old, male voice was heard as a dust cloud was kicked up. “Panties! Panties! Panties!”
Groaning, Ranma just slapped his forehead. “I can’t believe I forgot that he showed up now.” He held up his arm and pointed lazily at the approaching figure, a red ball of energy formed around his fingertip before launching it at the person coming.
The two girls had to shield themselves from the wind and dirt of the explosion that came up from that attack.
After it ended, Ranma frowned. He had barely used anything in that attack, and it had that kind of effect? The ten foot diameter and four foot deep hole in the park made him stare at his hand, concerned. Were his seals slipping? It was something to look into.
“Uh… What was that?” Dieci asked, looking slightly worried.
“An annoyance taken care of.” Ranma shook his head before blinking as a charred ball crashed in front of him. “…You’re still together?”
“…Panties…” The ball groaned as Ranma nudged it.
“Yeah, you’re okay.” Ranma shook his head. Oh well, if Happosai was alive, he’d cause problems in the future. Maybe he’d just put the little bastard out of everyone’s misery ahead of time. Then again, Soun and Genma’s reactions were hilarious when dealing with Happosai.
“Is it… Alive?” Dieci asked as she got close to the ball.
“Wait…” Ranma’s warning came a moment too late as the ball seemed to gain life as it leapt up and squeezed Dieci’s breasts.
“Hot’cha!” The male spoke as he rubbed his face all over her breasts. “Ah, how I missed this, such beauties, so firm, so soft, so perky, so…” He stopped as a clacking sound was heard and he felt a metal tube pressing to his head.
“I’m going to ask you politely to let go of my breasts right now, sir.” Dieci was calm, except for the twitching in her eyebrow. “I might… Accidentally blow your head off if you don’t let go.”
Happosai sweated slightly and did let go of the girl’s chest. “You wouldn’t hurt an old man that just wants to have some fun, would you?” He got all doe-eyed as he looked at her. All she did was frown at him.
“I might be a nice person, but I don’t like it when people grab my breasts without my say so.”
“Oh…” Happosai seemed to pout, before he grinned and disappeared. “How about your rear? Oooh! So firm and big for your size and…”
“Let go of my sister.” Cinque said softly as she held a knife to Happosai’s throat. “She doesn’t want you grabbing her and I don’t blame her.” Her good eye widened as she found herself flying through the air.
“Go away, little girl, this isn’t something that you would underguuk…” Happosai grabbed at his throat as he let go of Dieci’s butt and sank to his knees. His eyes were wide as he felt the oxygen get cut off to his body.
Dieci spun around and glared at him. “I did not give you permission.” Sure, Sein and Wendi would sometimes grope her in the bath, but that was out of fun, and she wasn’t adverse to fun, but this… This left her feeling dirty all over. A yellow ball of energy formed at the tip of her gun. “Just… Go away.” Despite never raising her tone of voice, the words still came across as menacing and cold before she pulled the trigger, blasting Happosai and sending him flying out of the park.
Ranma frowned as he finally let go of choking Happosai, partly because he wasn’t really in a mood to kill the guy, and partly because he had to move to catch Cinque on her return trip.
She blinked a few times and looked at Ranma, smiling at him before leaning up and giving him a small kiss on the cheek. “Thank you.” She was blushing as he put her down and helped straighten her dress out.
Smiling, he walked over to Dieci, who was still trembling with anger. “Hey…” He touched her on the shoulder and wasn’t surprised as she hugged him, trembling heavily. “Shhh… If I see him again, I’ll set him straight, okay?”
She nodded against his chest and he sighed before turning slightly so that Cinque could hug the both of them. He mentally growled at Happosai. ‘Dammed asshole, this night had been so fun too.’ He hoped that both Cinque and Dieci would calm down. Whether or not they continued their outing was up to them.
(---)
“Nove?”
Turning, the redhead looked at Sette as she sat down on the roof next to her. “What?”
“Do you… Dislike me?”
Nove stared at her as the pink-haired hippie gave her a rather blank, flat look. “What makes you say that?”
“Of all of our sisters, you, Wendi and Sein spend far less time with me than anyone else. Perhaps you dislike me or are uncomfortable around me?”
Nove winced, Sette had started to sound like a person for awhile now, but she seemed to revert to a more… Machine-like droll when she was upset. Even if Ranma had prevented her from becoming completely emotionless, she still had trouble with emotions, not that Nove felt herself any better sometimes. “No, Sette, I don’t dislike you. There’s just so much that I want to experience that I don’t always get time to hang out with everyone.” Even if this world was insane, it was pretty fun. “Besides…” Nove smirked at Sette. “Sparring with you in the morning is a lot of fun.”
Sette cracked a small smile and nodded. “Yeah, that is a lot of fun, isn’t it?” Nove relaxed as she heard Sette start to sound normal again. “May I join you?”
“Sure.” Nove chuckled as Sette moved right next to her and sat down, looking out at the city. “…He was right?”
“Who? Dad?”
“Yeah…” Nove smiled as she gestured out to the whole city. “Look at it… It’s beautiful near the end of the day.”
Sette nodded, her small smile not leaving her face.
It was a peaceful, beautiful moment that deserved to just end on that note.
Sadly, it was a peaceful, beautiful moment in Nerima. Something was bound to cause it to end.
That something in this case was a flying, blackened ball of smoldering flesh that crashed onto Nove, hitting her in the chest.
“Oww… What the?” Nove blinked as the thing trembled slightly before looking up at her. “Um, are you okay?”
“No… Oww… That mean girl… Hurting me like that…” Its eyes got all big and watery as it looked at her. “You won’t be mean, will you?”
“Uh…” Nove wasn’t sure what to say.
“So, just let me have a good cry on your busom!” The thing grinned and grabbed Nove’s chest, squeezing and rubbing its face back and forth quickly. “Wow! So big! So natural! So soft and firm! Hot’cha!” He jumped off and grabbed Sette’s chest, leaving Nove twitching and glaring angrily at him as he groped and squeezed Sette’s chest. “Oh my! These are even larger! How great! I love this!”
Nove stood up and made a grab for him. “Get off of my sister!” She missed, her hand grabbing Sette in the breasts, causing the pinkette to blush even harder.
As for Nove? She suddenly stiffened as she felt a body rubbing against her butt. “What the hell?!” She kicked her foot back at her butt, several times, before the person jumped off and grinned at the two of them. “Who the hell are you!?”
“I’m Happosai.” He grinned and held up three items of clothing. Both Nove and Sette blushed as they saw him holding their bras and Nove’s panties. “Thanks for the silky darlings!”
Both cyborgs twitched and nodded to each other as Sette stood up. The little freak had to die for doing that to them.
(---)
“What’s wrong, Sein?” Wendi asked as they got close to the dojo. “You’ve been looking upset for the past few minutes.
“I feel… As if someone was fondling boobs and I wasn’t invited.” She pouted as she continued to walk.
Wendi grinned and got behind Sein before grabbing her modest chest and squeezing. “Well, I think you just do it because you’re jealous of how big the rest of us are.”
“Hey, I’ve groped Cinque before.” Sein protested, but she didn’t stop Wendi from getting a few more squeezes in before the redhead let go. “It’s just been a long while.”
“Uh huh…” Wendi gave her a flat stare as the two continued to walk towards the dojo. They stopped as they saw something bounce off the wall, Nove on her Airliner and Sette in mid-air were chasing it down.
“Stop, you panty-stealing freak!” Nove growled as she sped up to get in front of it. “Now you can.. EEK!”
“My my! You’ve got a nice crotch too, my dear!” Wendi growled as she saw him do that, but Sein winked and grabbed her shoulder, the two disappeared into the ground. “Well, I’m off, hahahahahahahaha!” Happosai bounded away, leaving her a trembling mess of anger as she and Sette both redoubled their efforts to catching and possibly killing the little freak of nature.
Happosai turned and stuck his tongue out at the girls as he was getting away. He landed, only for a moment, and jumped into the air again, when suddenly he found himself encased in a block of ice. He looked around, wondering what the heck this was.
“Got him.” Wendi smirked as she and Sein popped up out of the ground behind Happosai. “Nove, Sette… He’s all yours.”
Both girls nodded, and Sette had a nearly feral, for her, grin on her face as the ice cracked open just enough for Happosai to breath.
“Have mercy?” Happosai whimpered as the two were giving him evil grins, his feet were still frozen after all, so he couldn‘t avoid anything they would give him.
“I believe the correct response is… No.” Sette said softly as they converged on him.
Wendi and Sein both winced at the sheer violence that was inflicted to the poor perverted bastard. Granted, Wendi wanted to do the same herself, she was sure that Nove didn’t like anyone nuzzling her crotch like that, at least in public, and only by people that Nove herself liked.
After the two were done venting on Happosai, they took back their undergarments and walked back towards the dojo, Wendi and Sein following right after them.
“So, what did he do, besides touching you two?” Sein wasn’t stupid, but she was curious, and she did wonder why they left that guy back on the street, bruised and beaten like that.
“…He stole my panties and our bras… Without taking our clothes off!” Nove grumbled as she stormed forward, Wendi following right after to try and calm her down while Sette walked behind them.
Sein? She stopped and thought about it. Being able to do something like that? She looked at her hands. She could probably do something similar herself, but hearing what Nove went through…
“Hey…” She poked the bruised Happosai after walking back to him. He groaned and looked up at her. “How did you take Sette and Nove’s bras and steal Nove’s panties without taking their clothes off?”
Happosai looked up at her and blinked. He blinked again as he stared at her confused face. This was a position that he didn’t find himself in very often. Most of the time, girls and women wanted to beat him up. Someone asking how he did his best moves? “I doubt you could appreciate my style and…” He blinked as she picked him up to look at him, eye-to-eye.
“I can go through the ground freely. How about I drop you off, oh, say, about three miles underground near a volcano?”
He looked at her dumbly. “…You can go through walls?”
Sein snorted, that was easy. “Walls, roads, weapons…”
Happosai slowly grinned. Maybe he could have a worthwhile apprentice after all. “My name’s Happosai, what’s yours?”
“Sein.”
The old perverted Grandmaster of Anything Goes grinned. This… Could be fun.
To Be Continued...
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Um, I don’t have much to say this time, actually.
This chapter was mostly focused on Dieci and Cinque, since I felt like they hadn’t gotten much screen time (and I was asked to give them more screen time). And I’ve had thoughts of Sein and Happosai meeting since BEFORE ViVid had Sein groping all the girls in the bath.
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My fics Due to certain things, I am not here, find me over on TFF.
I liked it Nanya, especial the opening paragraph, I laughed so hard it hurt. Also the ending section, it just seemed to be a good way to close for some reason.
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"The eyes are the windows that let us gaze upon the soul"
"When desperate there are two choices: Lock shields for the last stand or draw your sword for the final charge"
"There are no winners or losers, there are only the living and the dead."
I'm pretty sure I needed to write this. It's very rough.
Spoiler:
-snip-
Spoiler for Author's Note:
I hadn't written a word since my grandfather died. I think writing this helped, but right now I need to sleep.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Oh, damn, I missed this one earlier...
Um, commenting on this is a little awkward... I don't have a personal experience to compare this to, so I'm afraid I may not entirely "get" the impact and understand the thought processes behind it. Although the mixed feeling of melancholy and tentative acceptance are very much palpable even this way, I can say that much. And on a philosophical level, I can empathize with the wish to keep fond memories of the departed close to heart.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope you'll feel better with time.
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A programmer is an organism that converts coffee into software.
Well, uh, hi. I'm an author on fanfiction.net, like some of you, and I recently completed the first chapter of a Nanoha story I've been bopping around for a little while, and finally decided to put to text after riding a very entertaining story set in the 'verse. I think it's pretty good, but for better or worse that site usually isn't the best place to look to for constructive criticism.
So I've decided to take it here after seeing some of the intelligent discussion you guys can put forth (unlike certain other fans I won't name). It's a little long - well, almost 20,000 words - so don't click it unless you have some spare time.
Specifically, make sure to tell me if I got anything wrong about how the Bureau runs, and the various departments it's made up of. Well, aside from the new Sections being introduced, that's just something I made up for the story. Also feel free to ask me about the characters: their Devices, how they fight, their individual rankings, and what references I snuck into them.
I hope it's to your satisfaction, and if not, well, I can try to fix that. That's what this topic is for, as I've read it.
Read through some of it while I was at work today with free time, and I certainly find it very interesting (I'll leave a review sometime tomorrow, I have a huge gap between classes and a late shift at work). Just curious, from what I saw you mainly had an OC cast; will any of the characters from the series come in, or are you planning for them to come later? Sorry if I'm asking something you've already figured out. I'm just curious.
Spoiler for Vengeance on Darkness 6; The Fortress:
“Dark King, I have failed you,” Leviathan said as he emerged from the shadows in the grand room. “The Icebreaker refused to listen even when I showed her how high above her you stand.”
“It’s not your fault, Leviathan. You did what I told you to do.”
“But-”
“I need you to observe,” the Dark King said and turned her back on him. “To preserve what will happen here for the future.”
“Yes, Dark King,” Leviathan said in a slightly defeated tone. Shadows lingered around him and he disappeared into the surrounding darkness.
“It is now that the final act begins. Clara, I’m sorry for what will be brought onto you.”
With those words spoken only to herself and the wind, the Dark King went into her private chamber to prepare. Outside the stone walls, an army of mariages had begun to assemble, ready for battle.
*
The birth of a deep orange dawn broke the darkness that had been brewing in the night. Two days it had taken them to travel the distance from Brynstride to this place, and they now took the last few steps down the mountains that had been in their way. The sunlight that hadn’t quite reached them yet still brought some warmth to the cold morning.
“There it is,” Clara said and pointed across the plains. “The Dark Fortress.”
It stood at the ocean’s edge, towering as a gigantic shadow over the Descent plains. In a way it was similar to some buildings back in Angelice, but instead of a golden facade, it was all black and grim. The spires that stood high up in the sky threw a sinister shadow over the army of mariages that stood at attention in front of the fortress.
“That’s... a lot,” Reinforce mumbled.
“Yeah. I don’t think we can take them all on. Not at the same time anyway.” Clara scoured their surroundings, searching for an alternate route. None presented itself as there were only the plains close to the fortress, with the army in-between. They had to go through it unless they wanted to traverse the ocean and climb the dangerous cliffs on the other side. Though there was one other way, Clara realized.
“Reinforce, how much flight time can you manage now?”
“About two minutes. More if I simply glide.”
Clara looked at the plains again, trying to calculate the distance from the tip of the army to the fortress’s walls. It was close enough, she decided.
“We have a steep angle downwards from where we are. Down there it arcs up again before it flattens out. That’s our launching point.”
“Launching point?” Reinforce repeated, confused.
“I’m going to create an ice road from up here to down there with an upwards angle at the end,” Clara said, explaining in more detail. “We pick up speed all the way down and when we leave the ground, you use our speed to propel us over them. It should be enough.”
Reinforce nodded in understanding, but her eyebrows furrowed as something hit her. “What about the mariages? They’ve got ranged weapons if they morph.”
“It’s a chance we’ll have to take. I know you’ll be busy trying to keep yourself and me in the air, so I’ll try to suppress them alone.”
Reinforce thought about it for a moment before she nodded. “I don’t like it, Master. But I can’t think of anything else.”
Clara nodded back and smiled. Frost seeped from her hands and began to cover the ground. Slowly a thick layer of ice began to creep downward towards the plains as she concentrated harder. During their journey, she’d learned how to optimize her mana usage to the max, and it would help her immensely in this situation. Even though the ice road required a huge amount of mana, she’d still be able to produce shields or offensive attacks later on without much problem. Still, she had to be careful not to overstretch herself. At this point, it would be catastrophic.
While Clara worked, Reinforce stared at the Dark Fortress. She had to squint her eyes to see the details, but there was one thing she could see clearly. It wasn’t hard to miss the black wings of Leviathan from where he sat on a shorter spire to the east of the fortress, staring back at her. His dark red eyes were visible from even that distance and a shiver ran down her back as she locked into them. For a brief moment she could hear his echoing voice in her head and she turned away quickly.
By now the ice road had reached half-way down. Sweat prickled Clara’s skin as the strain began to intensify in her body, but there wasn’t anything else she could do than to go on. Whether it was luck or not both of them didn’t know, but the mariages still stood immobile where they were. They were sure the army knew they were there, yet they didn’t attack. Probably because the Dark King had ordered them not to.
“Legions of the damned,” Clara commented between focused breaths. “Where does she get all these corpses from...”
Reinforce had no answer for that. She merely observed them and made sure none of them planned a surprise attack.
The road of ice neared completion and Clara glanced at Reinforce. She hadn’t forgotten what Leviathan had told her. Even if they were all lies, which they probably were, the doubt that had been planted had begun to grow in her. It was too late to back out now, she knew that. Even if the lies were true, she wouldn’t back down, not after coming this far. She didn’t believe it was a trap, though. It was something else. Something that would help her remove the Dark King from this world. That gave her further determination to follow through with it.
“It’s done,” she said and shook the thoughts out of her head. She needed the focus for what came next. “Put your arms around my waist and let’s go.”
Reinforce did as told and got behind her, grabbing a firm hold of Clara’s waist. Both of them leaned forward and began to slide. They picked up speed fast and as the wind surged past them, Reinforce prepared to take off.
The road began to even out. Then it went up again and ended. Reinforce’s wings sprouted and they took flight. Their speed was immense, but it was a long way to go. Below them the mariages began to move, morphing into more appropriate versions. Soon enough projectiles began to cut through the air, heading towards them.
Clara threw up a shield before the first arrived. They pinged off it harmlessly, but the farther the two of them got, the harder it was to predict the direction from which the projectiles would come. They were everywhere and Clara had to strain the strength and size of the shield as much as she could without draining herself. They still had enough momentum to reach the wall.
Holes started to appear in her shield. Projectiles managed to get inside, swooping past them so close that Clara could feel the sharp burst of air that accompanied them. It was only a matter of time before one of the projectiles would hit them.
“Can you speed up?” Clara yelled over the sound of hundreds of mariages relocating and firing.
“A little,” Reinforce replied and they both jumped forward a few meters within a second with a short burst of her wings, gaining some distance. The wall wasn’t that far off, but Clara now noticed how high it actually was. It was way higher than she thought it would be. A dawning realization struck unease into her heart.
At that time, two projectiles made it through and this time they struck against her legs. Though they only stole a piece of skin each, it was enough to draw blood and produce a sting of pain. She flinched, unprepared for it, but it didn’t affect her enough to lose concentration. The shield quickly recovered.
“The wall is too high! What should we do?” Reinforce shouted, panic hinting in her voice. She’d noticed it now too.
Clara thought hard, trying to come up with an alternate solution while at the same time keep her defense up. The wall seemed to be solid stone and the only entrance was the large gate guarded by the mariages. It got closer and closer as they sped forward.
While they both focused on getting inside and staying alive, they didn’t notice the two mariages that had gotten on top of the walls. From up there they were above Clara’s shield and they had a clear shot. Two projectiles shot out and before Reinforce could evade them, or even notice them, they slashed through her wings, ripping holes through the layer of feathers. They disappeared in a sparkle of black snow and the two fell down with nothing left to hold them in the air.
Clara tried to produce another road of ice, but her mana wasn’t enough. Instead they both crashed straight into a blob of mariages closest to the gate, rolling and sliding along the ground until they came to an abrupt halt.
In the fall, Clara’s shield had failed and the impact had nearly knocked her senseless. Her vision was blurry and her hearing was distorted as she tried to rise. She lost balance and fell back to the ground, with her body urging her on. She heard someone shout and dark shadows moving in the background. Metal clashing against metal suddenly erupted around her.
She shook her head and her vision cleared. The Guardians stood in a half-circle around her trying to fight off the mariages. The group were up against the wall with Reinforce standing in the middle, offering support.
Clara finally got to her feet and assessed their situation. Trapped in a corner like rats, they had no other choice than to fight their way out. Several meters to their left was the gate, still closed. A blob of mariages stood in-between.
She lashed out at the nearest mariage to contribute. Its horrendous face stared back at her, showing no pain as the ice projectiles pierced its gut. It collapsed to the ground, not emitting a sound. Another replaced it, like a smooth machinery.
“Reinforce! We need to get closer to the gate!”
Reinforce nodded and yelled a command in a language Clara didn’t understand and the Guardians suddenly changed their position and began to hack through the mariages to the left. They were making quick progression, but the pressure of the army began to squash them. They had enough power to defend, but being on the offensive was a lot harder.
Clara brought up the rear together with Reinforce. They evaded the continuous advances made by the blades and struck back with equal power. Now and then Reinforce would lash out with a spell that knocked a big number of the mariages away, buying the group some time.
There wasn’t an end to them. They kept coming, replacing their fallen brethren as soon as they hit the ground, though they didn’t change tactics. Blades were their primary weapon. Clara remembered the mariages up on the walls, but when she earned herself a quick glance up she didn’t see them. She wondered why, as this would be the perfect opportunity to strike down. They couldn’t defend or attack effectively.
One of the Guardians finally fell, just two meters from the gate. A blade came in from her side, slashing across her rib. She flinched in reaction which provided an opening for another mariage. The next blade that entered the fray penetrated her abdomen, spraying blood out of her back. She screamed in pain and surprise before several more blades came through and made her go quiet. One finally went through her throat and she fell, gagging on blood.
One of the other Guardians saw it and unleashed a roar of rage. Clara was surprised by this as she had thought of them as just simple programs. That one of them showed emotion stunned her for a brief moment. She’d never seen one of them act like that.
The raging Guardian swung her war hammer, utterly crushing the mariages that had attacked her fellow Guardian. Heads splattered and bones cracked, creating a horrible sound as the bodies hit the ground. The attack created a wide hole towards the gate and Clara was fast to acknowledge it.
“Go, go! Head towards the gate!” She threw another icy punch at a mariage and it flew backwards. Clara turned around and ran, grabbing Reinforce by the arm to take her with her.
The remaining Guardians fought valiantly to maintain an empty space right in front of the gate. One of them, the manbeast Clara had seen once before, bullrushed several mariages and headed straight into them. He disappeared from view as the bodies of more mariages flew from his onslaught. After a few seconds Clara heard a last howl from him somewhere in the mass. Another Guardian had fallen.
Clara hit the gate hard and banged at it, expecting it to be locked. To her amazement it opened by itself.
“What the hell?”
“It must be a trap,” Reinforce said and blasted another mariage in the stomach with dark energy.
“Would you rather stay here?” Clara waved at the others and yelled: “Head inside!”
She was the first one through and Reinforce followed her. The remaining two Guardians tried to follow, but the pressure from the mariages was too heavy. Their route got cut off as they tried to hold the mass back and as the gate closed itself Clara heard two screams following each other and blades striking flesh.
Clara took ragged breaths and looked around. The yard was empty. Leviathan still sat on one of the spires, observing them. Since he hadn’t attacked, Clara guessed he wouldn’t even if they crossed the yard. The two stared at each other for a brief moment before she averted her eyes.
“It’s so quiet,” Reinforce said in hesitant surprise. The army outside had also fallen quiet. They didn’t even try to get in.
They’d expected more resistance within and so it felt wrong. Something was off, but Clara didn’t think for a second it wasn’t according to the Dark King’s plans.
“I don’t understand any of this. She could have killed me at any time. She have had so many chances.” She began to walk across the yard with Reinforce in tow. “Leviathan could swoop down now and crush us if he wanted to. Isn’t that what you really want, Leviathan?”
The dragon heard her yell, but ignored her, staring intently.
“Maybe she wants to see you,” Reinforce offered. Clara shook her head.
“She could have seen me a lot of times already. Plus, all she’s done is to destroy my life. Not once has she tried to make any other kind of contact.”
The door into the fortress’s main building opened as they approached. Nothing leaped out of it. Only silence and shadows stared back at them. They entered, acutely aware of potential surprises.
A spiral staircase stood before them, leading up into the highest chamber. It was still too quiet, but they had no choice than to move upwards. As they began to ascend, Clara felt something scratch in her mind, like something had reached out and touched it. It wasn’t pleasant.
After taking another step she gasped as a ghost peeked out of a obscure painting hanging on the wall. It just stared at her and moved through. It stood before them for a moment after which it decided to float downward, going through Clara on the way. A chill went down her spine and for a second she heard a voice that disappeared immediately.
“Soul Whisperers,” Reinforce said and looked around. More ghosts hang around the painting, incapable of uttering a sound. “Forever trapped in this fortress.”
“Where do they all come from?” Clara muttered and observed one ghost who seemed particularly shy.
“They once lived in this fortress,” a voice said from up ahead. The little group jumped before focusing on the figure emerging.
Leviathan was in his human form again and floated in the air, carried by shadows. “They were once royalty, in an era far beyond the Dark King’s existence. When they passed away, they were stuck in this place, unable to move on. The fortress itself is cursed. Isn’t it fitting?”
He moved upward and disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Hesitation made them wait before they continued. The ghosts had retreated into the walls.
“I think he likes to play tricks,” Clara mumbled to herself as they reached a plateau with a black gate beckoning before them. More paintings hung here, but the ghosts hadn’t reappeared.
They looked at each other, trading glances. Clara went forward and pushed it open. Its hinges whined as it slowly revealed a grand room. At the end a figure stood before an open window.
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yasanagi
Spoiler for MD Again!:
Yuuno groaned once as he slowly opened his eyes. How long had it been since he took those readings and fainted? And what was wrong with his eyesight? He was certain that he had his glasses on before but now, his eyes were a bit unfocused, only able to make out something curvy in front of him in the dark room. He shifted a little as he moved one of his hands to his face, not feeling the familiar frames hanging on by his ears. “Yuuno-san?”
“Glasses… where are my glasses?” He was about to fumble around when he was gently pushed back down by a soft hand.
“Please wait a moment.” His vision could barely make out his female companion moving to grab his glasses that had been placed on the night shelf. “Here. Would you like the lights to be on?”
“Thanks. And yes, please.” After taking a moment to put them on, a flood of light lit up the room allowing him to recognize the surroundings. He was in one of the crew quarters, which was quite messy with all the clothing that had been scattered on the floor.
Wait a second…… scattered clothing? So that’s why he felt a bit exposed in here and why Seikou was…
…… oh.
“Are you alright?” Her tone was quiet and warm. At least warm for her standards since for any other person that didn’t know her, she probably would have sounded the same as ever.
Yuuno thought he would have been a lot more nervous in the aftermath but he must have gotten used to it somehow thanks to his prior experiences with Rai and Yami. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I won’t pull another freak out again if that’s what you’re wondering.” He pondered about getting back to solving his current problem but after some thought, decided to put it aside for now as it was damn comfortable in here. Not to mention the lovely company.
For Material-S, it had been an enjoyable experience, and something told her it had been so only because her partner had been this man. It made her oddly happy to think that, and it also relieved her that she had made him feel good. While she had also been rejuvenated, that was merely a side benefit, not the main intent.
And yet something troubled her. Yuuno had gotten quite… intense with her. While it did feel amazing, it still struck her as odd that a kind hearted man such as him would forgo being gentle. Moreover, he had been so resistant to the idea of sleeping with her the first time it was proposed, but he had given in rather easily this time. Had that merely been the result of all the stress or was there something else?
On top of that, the look that was in his eyes continued to bother her. It was as if he was looking at her, yet seeing something else. That name he called during the heat of passion, was it her name, or…?
She would have to ponder it later. Right now, there was something else she wanted to ask. “Yuuno-san?”
“Hm?”
“Earlier, I said that if you could not return to your world, you can start a new life with us. I would like to hear your thoughts on that idea.”
The blonde male leaned back against his pillow and stared at the ceiling. “A new life, huh?”
“Yes. You can still explore those burial sites and continue your work to your heart’s content without being constrained by whatever rules governed your occupation on your world,” said the Nanoha replica.
“Well, isn’t it kinda early to be giving up? Besides, I thought you were interested in seeing my world.”
“I am interested but I like the way things are now. Being with you and the others as we travel among the stars freely…” She lazily traced circles with her right index finger on his chest. “I’m certain the others feel the same way. Rai has taken a liking to you quite quickly. As for Yami, if she has appointed you to a high ranking position of her inner court, then she probably thinks highly of you.”
A part of Yuuno felt proud on hearing that all three females seemed to value his company. And he admitted that there was a certain sense of liberation in this situation. But he couldn’t just abandon everything back on Mid-Childa. If he said that straight up right now, he doubted Seikou would be happy on hearing that and right now, he would rather stay in everyone’s good graces considering how volatile they were.
What he needed to do is buy a bit of time for himself. “I admit that I don’t mind the idea but the least I should do before starting a brand new journey is to tie up all the loose threads back on my world. Give a proper notice of resignation and all that.”
“Fair enough.” Seikou was glad that he was giving the idea careful consideration. For her, being able to know that he would not object to building a new life was enough for now.
“I still have to figure out the problem with all these sudden changes when we travel in dimensional space. What keeps throwing us off?” He got up from his spot and swung over his side of the bed, trying to get his mind back on track.
“It’s a matter of examining each instance. Deconstruct the problem, Yuuno-san and you will be able to find your clue,” said Material-S quietly as she moved behind him and massaged his bare shoulders.
Damn… his mind was starting to go a bit cloudy from her touch. “S-Seikou…”
“You can solve this. I believe in you.”
He chuckled a bit. “Heh… it’s not like I can just activate a limiter and have my analytical capability spring up to S…… rank…”
The sudden pause in his words caused her to get a bit concerned. “Yuuno-san?”
“I can’t believe this… why didn’t I think of this before?” The Librarian turned around with excitement in his green eyes. “Limiters! Mage ranks! It’s all making sense now!”
“I’m sorry but I do not follow.”
“The Bureau imposes power limiters upon its most potent mages when the latter have to work together within a comparatively small area, because magic of great magnitude endangers the fabric of the time-space! Each time we tried to make a jump, it went off course because of the warping of the space time fabric! It was caused by the three of you since you don’t have any limiters! The first instance was only a minor detour and that was after Yami got with me… and then we had that warp bubble occur…” With the new information fresh in his mind, he got out of the bed and started getting dressed quickly. “I know how to get us back! A proper compensation variable in the flight plan and we should be able to make it there!”
“Can it be that-” Material-S was quickly cut off with a kiss from Yuuno.
“I couldn’t have figured this out without you! Thank you!”
As he made a hasty retreat to get his equipment for the upcoming number crunching ahead, the Nanoha replica merely smiled to herself, glad that his spirits were back up again. “You’re welcome, Yuuno-san.”
Sorry for taking so long to update. Real life really cuts down on writing time.
Good work on the chapter. I can really forsee Yuuno (and the Materials) torn when Yuuno is forced to choose between the Bureau or them. (the biggest one that will be affected is clearly Material-S.)