2011-11-17, 21:31 | Link #8062 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Quote:
I rewrite much of earlier part of chapter 7 several times because my take on Rin's violence and general assholishness made it look like a character bashing (while my intention is contrast, I want to made her shine), hence the final form where I made her basically the victim of loneliness and insecurities. @ Rain you just missed one page, not much.
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2011-11-17, 21:42 | Link #8063 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - Asked you how I can deconstruct slapstick for Kyuukai and if you're okay with Akira colosally fucking up and killing their only lead for the bomb sites.
@ Zero - I still remember the shoujo discussion, what I need is a reason for her to be less violent (Houki's was because of the realization that Ichika's seriously getting hurt)
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2011-11-17, 21:48 | Link #8065 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - As in actually show some damage. I want to avoid the protags being punching bags for the girls so I'm either toning it down (Ichika) or making them hit back (Irish)
Akira - Michael is frantic and keeps demanding that he let them through. He has a gun so they assume he's threatening them. In truth, he wants to get out to disable the bombs but doesn't think FRACTURE will let him so he panicks and gets shot.
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2011-11-17, 21:48 | Link #8066 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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It's a trope, I gave you some example
Straight Trope: "Ichika getting mauled by Houki because of supposed perversion and refused to apologize when Ichika called her out of it" (Reader laughed off their ass) Deconstruction: "Ichika getting mauled by Houki and lose his consciousness, as well as various bruises in his body, and he wasn't being pervert by choice, and Houki feel horrible about it" (Reader winced out) EDIT: Sorry to interfere.
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2011-11-17, 21:55 | Link #8067 |
Head of FRACTURE R&D
Join Date: Oct 2011
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@ Eratas: It would have more impact for him to be shot by an IS pilot. What better way to die than be killed by the one thing you hated the most... Anyway, that was sarcastic. But it would be more impacting, and Irish would have yet another reason to hate FRACTURE and/or the IS.
Also, he's not invulnerable. His "invinicibility", or in better terms, ability to not to get seriously hurt, is due to experience. He trained in conditions that built up his endurance, and spent about a year waking up just to have some one beat a fighting lesson into him. So physical, human on human damage wouldn't work as much. But then again, he gets careless every so often. He could be injured while working on his projects, or when he's engineering an IS or other technology. Or say when he gets hit by one of the girls during an accident like Ichika does, except he goes back into soldier mode and fights back like Irish before realizing what he's doing. While he's tickling Laura to get a ruse out of her, she could subconciously stab him near the vitals with her combat knife like could have done to Tatenashi. Something like that. @ Zero: Thanks for the clarification. |
2011-11-17, 22:01 | Link #8068 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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There's also Reconstruction, basically what if you use straight trope with elements of deconstruction for added quality and broader appeal.
Reconstruction: "Houki mauled Ichika for his supposed perversion, Ichika called her out of it, she snap and apologizes but back to Tsundere mood saying it's Ichika's fault as well" In terms of cynism/ seriousness, Straight < Reconstruction < Deconstruction @Eratas I remember about 3xx (?!) pages ago that we came into conclusion that Rin is very insecure about losing everything, hence she overreacted and possessive about anything. She however doesn't realize harsh action will make her just that; lose the people she loved.
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2011-11-17, 22:08 | Link #8069 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - It'd be too slow, a pistol shot beats IS fire by a mile in terms of how easy it is to fire.
Besides, Akira is the fire team leader, not the pilots. Irish doesn't really care about Michael. Just because they both dislike the bombings doesn't mean they're friends. Note: All the one's who disapprove of the bombings (Irish, Joshua and Michael) were given the hardest missions and partners that would try to kill them if they show signs of wanting to stop the bombing. As for the deconstruction - That could work. The only difference is Irish gets attacked by people actually trying to injure him unlike Ichika and Kyuukai. @ Zero - I remember. I meant I need a reason or a scene that'll explain why she decides to tone down the violence, the discussion before was just about her reasoning.
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2011-11-17, 22:13 | Link #8071 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Either someone "WTF heroine"d her out of it or she look at unconscious, injured Ichika (and Joshua who hug his head to protect him) and realize that it's precisely the damn thing she always try to do everytime she felt jealous.
EDIT: I missed one exam due to stomatache... feh.
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2011-11-17, 22:14 | Link #8072 |
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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He says : "If you don't let me through, people will die!" and takes out the (disabled) bombs detonator. What he meant was that people would die of the other bombs weren't disabled and he tried to show them the trigger for it. Unfortunately, they thought he was planning to detonate a bomb and Akira shot him.
@ Zero - WTF heroine will work. It can be just about anyone telling her she went too far.
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2011-11-17, 22:21 | Link #8074 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - I've seen cases like that before, they assume the suspect is hostile and shoot him if he looks like he's taking out a weapon. That's why I'm gonna use it.
It's still a dick move since they'll inspect the building after and find his dead partner along with the disabled bomb, Akira should be smart enough to figure out what just happened. Hell, they can just look at the security cams.
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2011-11-17, 22:26 | Link #8075 |
Head of FRACTURE R&D
Join Date: Oct 2011
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@ Eratas: Then again, Akira didn't have much of a choice. Say if Michael actually wanted to detonate the bomb, but Akira didn't shoot him, a lot of people were going to die.
But that's not the case, and you could have Akira quickly debate whether to shoot Michael or let him pass, before he actually does shoot him. Be back in about half an hour, got to get some other stuff done. |
2011-11-17, 22:31 | Link #8076 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - The bomb was disabled by Michael himself. He just wanted to show them the detonator but, in an idiotic moment, pulled it out at the worst possible time.
Akira wouldn't have time to debate. Michael just pulled out the detonator and (in his eyes) was going to detonate it if he didn't shoot. He did it out of reflex. @ Zero - Does Kanzashi show any violent tendencies? Also, can you explain her reason for fallong in love? It's pretty vague.
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2011-11-17, 22:37 | Link #8077 | |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Quote:
And yes, Kanzashi is a mix of Tsundere and Kuudere, and a little violent at times (though less than Houki or Rin).
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2011-11-17, 22:47 | Link #8078 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Rain - That's it? I can make any of the guys in Shadow fit that description if I needed to! Great, that just made things harder. I need to introduce her earlier so I can't use the inter class tournament as an excuse.
I need to make her a harem member for Ichika and a "friend" of Irish (both agree that her sisters a pain to deal with). Oh well, I'm planning the personal's kicking the terrorist's ass in the hall already (Rin and Tatenashi do the most in this part). The bombs just have to be dealt with.
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2011-11-17, 23:31 | Link #8080 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Meister - Who needs slapstick when you have troll teachers and student teacher romances
Will you upload it by today? @ Zero - I heard a rumor that Tabane has a "daughter", is this true? No, I mean the novels, not HOTM.
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Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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