AnimeSuki Forums

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 21:37

Ichika Worshipper?

Another point for my previous idea: To be a Harem master, or engage in a forbidden relationship, you have to be a Jocker or a King.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-21, 21:44

One step below mary sue, basically how Izuru describe Tatenashi in canon. In chapter 6 Ichika is not defeated once, but twice, and yet the exposition glorify him to no end. I feel hypocritical about it, really, and just realized it when I reread it after posting chapter 5.

As for harem: I have no words, I express disbelief that it'll be stable considering how screwed the canon characters are. Also, most harem story treat girls like object, not people.

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 21:52

Ah yes, that is the advantage of Polygamy - You have a Field of Roses to play with! Very sharp thorn, I might warn.

And that is why you wrote Mirrorverse and Sacred Twin? To reduce Harem and reroute to something more... Disturbing?

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-21, 21:56

Titillating, more correctly. Basically "screw your fetish here's mine", I regularly toyed with incest and such because the absurdity of the very idea. Whenever I write, I got a massive laugh out of it, but sometimes I still play them as serious issues to deal with (such as in ST) because I got the basic, and few people to discuss with.

Besides, dealing with one person you know well is much easier than dealing with five people you know jack and shit about.

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 22:05

Well, you're like the opposite of my brother. He cares more about the Events itself, the grandness, gracefulness of it. And that lead to his character being overglorified. Heck, if it not for fans and me, he might get rid every thread of romance in his work.

But question: How much knowledge about Madoka did you have when started writing ST?

Tempest35 · 2013-10-21, 22:06

Well, it helps if the other is at least attractive... Leads to the entire 'confusion' thing.

Also helps confuse the others when the two main offenders are almost completely oblivious to all the subtext that they generate when they are together...

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-21, 22:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fireminer

But question: How much knowledge about Madoka did you have when started writing ST?

Two things: she looks like Chifuyu, and she is about Ichika age. Then my sister said 'probably his twin sister' then we joke about twincest and open up our basic Freudian psychology book...

Cue "God what have I done to this Fandom?!" moment roughly a year later.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tempest35

Well, it helps if the other is at least attractive... Leads to the entire 'confusion' thing.

Also helps confuse the others when the two main offenders are almost completely oblivious to all the subtext that they generate when they are together...

This

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 22:26

Psst... Guess that the CannonBall Fast (anime.ver) gonna generate even more fan for ST?

Also, would it be logical if I imbued Tatenashi with Wang Liu Mei (Gundam 00) characteristic? I mean someone desprately for change, and would do anything to archive that?

That going to provide some good bittersweet scene with her and Ichika latter.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-21, 22:32

*Shrug*

I'm one of Liu Mei's hater (moreso than I hate Tatenashi, in fact), so I can't really tell without being extremely biased.

One I can point objectively: Liu Mei want change for her own amusement no matter if it's better or worse, this is closer to Tabane than Tatenashi.

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 22:48

Hmm... Good point! Then a bit alliance between the two of them would be good!

Or I could always use Sumeragi with Tate. Wonder how would she fare against Vodka?

Now the idea of an Unicorn IS for him is really tempting...

Fireminer · 2013-10-21, 23:28

Also, how long does it take for Tempest to write a draft?

As I see it, insane speed.

Tempest35 · 2013-10-21, 23:38

A draft of what? Depends on what I want, actually.

The dialogue is usually the first thing I write down along with one or two extra sentences for direction. Or I just build a scene that I have in my head, and work from there...

Case in point, I wrote a lil something at the end of the last page. I'll post it up here in spoiler tag:

Spoiler for A Winter's Night - MirrorVerse:

Editing/Beta'ing someone else's work, however, that's a bit of a trick. Because you never want to overshadow the original intent or 'flavor' of the origin, yet you want to enhance it as well. Like cooking.

Icchan feels at ease with Ikkun in a kitchen not just because he's a good cook but because they can compliment each other. Two good cooks does not automatically make for a happy kitchen...

What I *want* to do is to bring out the details and nuances in Zero's style that he wants but because of English being the pesky language it is, he might have trouble with it. I only go as far as what he wrote about in his draft. I can get descriptive as long as it doesn't overstep his original intent - this is still his story.

Fireminer · 2013-10-22, 00:15

You know what, Tempest, maybe I should ask to be my consultant on the field of snippets.

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-22, 00:22

You won't regret it, but be patient. He's an adult, and adults are busy as hell.

And Tempest if you went for the lime don't forget to PM it!

---

Muvluv I.S. with 80% less grimderp would have primary cast of

Ichika Orimura: The newcomer to the squad, naive and straightforward. He secretly harbors extreme self esteem and guilt issues about the (apparent) death of his sister/legal guardian and his classmates in military academy, and posses a borderline obsession/hatred toward Ruitare-class BETA (presumably the cause of his sister's death)
Machine: Type94 Shiranui(不知火) , later Type04 Shiranui Second (不知火弐型)

Houki Shinonono: *Yaddayadda*Nobles*Yaddayadda*sister*Yaddayadda*
Machine: Type97 Fubuki (吹雪), later Type00F Takemikazuchi (武御雷)

Sarashiki Tatenashi: *Yaddayadda*Organization*Yaddayadda*Squad leader*Yaddayadda*Family*Yaddayadda*
Machine: Type94 Shiranui(不知火), later Type00F Takemikazuchi (武御雷)

Dan Gotanda: *Yaddayadda*classmate*Yaddayadda*survivor*Yaddayad da*Ichika*Yaddayadda*
Machine: Type97 Fubuki (吹雪), later Type94 Shiranui(不知火)

Secondary cast:

Huang Lingyin: *Yaddayadda*Chinese*Yaddayadda*Family*Yaddayadda*A rmy*Yaddayadda*
Machine: J-10X

Charlotte Dunois: *Yaddayadda*Industry*Yaddayadda*Dunois*Yaddayadda* France*Yaddayadda*
Machine: Dass-Ault Rafale

Cecilia Alcott: *Yaddayadda*Parents*Yaddayadda*European*Yaddayadda *Noble*Yaddayadda*
Machine: EF-2000 Typhoon

Natasha Fairs:
*Yaddayadda**Yaddayadda*US Air Force*Yaddayadda*Trainer*Yaddayadda*
Machine: F-22A Raptor

Fireminer · 2013-10-22, 00:44

Let's see what we have got here... Just as how I planned! J-10X is actually quite fit for Rin, you know why? Its name is "Vigorous Dragon".

But Iris should be the pilot of Raptor, while Natasha get F-35 Lightning II. And I expect Dan to pilot something like F-4J Gekishin or F-15J Kagerou at first. With Tatenashi Type F, Kai Zuikaiku on her first sortie.

But how do you get this?

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-22, 00:53

I know muvluv tech role very well, being an avid fan of Air combat and all

Note that I give Natasha F-22 because it's the strongest Anti-TSF unit with insane mobility, while F-35 sounds like a hybrid of TSF and TSA, a compact unit with heavy firepower.

Fireminer · 2013-10-22, 00:55

Also, toned down Houki and Ichika to the Shiranui Second Phase 3 - a cross between Shiranui and YF-23 Black Widow.

Also, does a EOS look similar to a Tieren?

Fireminer · 2013-10-22, 00:58

And Shirasaki sister. A Su-47 for both of them, while upgraded Su-37 for Kanzashi.

Question: If Icchan and Ickun having children, how much similar will them be to their parent?

ZeroXSEED · 2013-10-22, 01:00

I dunno, do Japan have good ties with Soviet here? Also, most people agree that 00F > Shiranui Second in close combat.

Either she turned to look like Icchan or she look like another mini Chifuyu

As noted before: Male Ichika resemble Chifuyu more than female Ichika does, and so is Madoka. Icchan's facial features are recessive

Fireminer · 2013-10-22, 01:09

*Imagine mini-Chifuyu running around the house, slaughtering cats with her game of cooking*

Suddenly I feel sorry for them.

And yes, Type F is truly superior than Shiranui Second. But should I mention that Phase 3 is a fusion with YF-23, which is superior than the Raptor itself in close combat. The only problem that Black Widow is very delicate.

And should I mention that both Yui and Yuuya get Phase 3 in the end?

2013-10-21, 21:44	Link #47282
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	One step below mary sue, basically how Izuru describe Tatenashi in canon. In chapter 6 Ichika is not defeated once, but twice, and yet the exposition glorify him to no end. I feel hypocritical about it, really, and just realized it when I reread it after posting chapter 5. As for harem: I have no words, I express disbelief that it'll be stable considering how screwed the canon characters are. Also, most harem story treat girls like object, not people. __________________

2013-10-21, 21:56	Link #47284
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Titillating, more correctly. Basically "screw your fetish here's mine", I regularly toyed with incest and such because the absurdity of the very idea. Whenever I write, I got a massive laugh out of it, but sometimes I still play them as serious issues to deal with (such as in ST) because I got the basic, and few people to discuss with. Besides, dealing with one person you know well is much easier than dealing with five people you know jack and shit about. __________________

2013-10-21, 22:06	Link #47286
Tempest35 Awe of She Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Orlando	Well, it helps if the other is at least attractive... Leads to the entire 'confusion' thing. Also helps confuse the others when the two main offenders are almost completely oblivious to all the subtext that they generate when they are together... __________________ "Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier."

2013-10-21, 22:32	Link #47289
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Shrug I'm one of Liu Mei's hater (moreso than I hate Tatenashi, in fact), so I can't really tell without being extremely biased. One I can point objectively: Liu Mei want change for her own amusement no matter if it's better or worse, this is closer to Tabane than Tatenashi. __________________

2013-10-21, 23:38	Link #47292
Tempest35 Awe of She Author Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Orlando	A draft of what? Depends on what I want, actually. The dialogue is usually the first thing I write down along with one or two extra sentences for direction. Or I just build a scene that I have in my head, and work from there... Case in point, I wrote a lil something at the end of the last page. I'll post it up here in spoiler tag: Spoiler for A Winter's Night - MirrorVerse: But now I have an image of both Ichikas sharing the heated blanket during winter at the house, having fallen asleep while resting against each other. D'aww~ ~~ "I haven't used this blanket in years," Icchan grinned, plugging in the power cord. Hearing the heater begin to hum, she plopped down on a floor cushion as Ikkun brought in a plate full of cookies and milk for the both of them. "Yay~" she cheered in a childish manner smiling unabashedly at Ichika's embarrassed expression. To anyone else watching the scene unfold, this would have been a perfect romantic evening spent with their significant other. However, this was Ichika... and the romantic implications of this scene were pretty much lost on her. Clad in a loose sweater with a hoodie and shorts, she pulled the hoodie over her head while her male counterpart made himself comfortable next to her before leaning her head against his shoulder. "Must you do that," he lightly tapped her forehead with his knuckle, to which she giggled excitedly and lifted the end of the blanket so he could slide underneath. Wearing a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, he could already feel the heat from the burner beginning to permeate through to his skin. Leave it to Chifuyu-nee to warn about the electric bill being too high this winter so they were 'forced' to resort to this. In truth, he didn't mind it initially but with the way Ichika's bare legs were practically draped over his, he was reminded yet again that he was still a healthy 16 year-old. "Sorry, I just feel like acting silly." She stuck her tongue out at him cutely before snatching up a cookie with both hands and started to nibble on it. "Hai, hai," he smiled at her, putting a hand on her head and ruffling her hair a bit. "Far be it from me to keep 'me' from being silly." "Baka..." She kept her head lowered in order to hide the blush on her cheeks as she ate. "Mmmm, Ichi, we are totally awesome at baking cookies." "I guess that means that they turned out well," he reached over and took one. She watched him expectantly, until he took a bite. "Well?" "Uwah, you're right, we ARE awesome in the kitchen," he agreed, finishing off the cookie in a few bites. "If all else fails, either one of us could open a restaurant." He meant that as a jest but Icchan kept running with it. "Oh, if we do that, we should have Rin help out too," Icchan nabbed another cookie, already her mind delving into a fantasy scenario. We'll rule the world in both I.S. and Culinary arts," she crowed, jabbing a fist into the air. "Only thing that would be better..." she glanced at him, her eyes twinkling. He grinned. "If we had..." "I.S. COOKING," they shouted at each other moments before laughter erupted between them, a warm, comfortable feeling settling over the two of them as they talked and laughed with each other. ~~ ... was gonna continue but it was headed towards that citrus-y end so I decided to stop... Editing/Beta'ing someone else's work, however, that's a bit of a trick. Because you never want to overshadow the original intent or 'flavor' of the origin, yet you want to enhance it as well. Like cooking. Icchan feels at ease with Ikkun in a kitchen not just because he's a good cook but because they can compliment each other. Two good cooks does not automatically make for a happy kitchen... What I want to do is to bring out the details and nuances in Zero's style that he wants but because of English being the pesky language it is, he might have trouble with it. I only go as far as what he wrote about in his draft. I can get descriptive as long as it doesn't overstep his original intent - this is still his story. __________________ "Focus entirely on me, you ordinary soldier." Last edited by Tempest35; 2013-10-21 at 23:49.

2013-10-21, 21:37	Link #47281
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Ichika Worshipper? Another point for my previous idea: To be a Harem master, or engage in a forbidden relationship, you have to be a Jocker or a King.

2013-10-21, 21:52	Link #47283
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Ah yes, that is the advantage of Polygamy - You have a Field of Roses to play with! Very sharp thorn, I might warn. And that is why you wrote Mirrorverse and Sacred Twin? To reduce Harem and reroute to something more... Disturbing?

2013-10-21, 22:05	Link #47285
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Well, you're like the opposite of my brother. He cares more about the Events itself, the grandness, gracefulness of it. And that lead to his character being overglorified. Heck, if it not for fans and me, he might get rid every thread of romance in his work. But question: How much knowledge about Madoka did you have when started writing ST?

2013-10-21, 22:26	Link #47288
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Psst... Guess that the CannonBall Fast (anime.ver) gonna generate even more fan for ST? Also, would it be logical if I imbued Tatenashi with Wang Liu Mei (Gundam 00) characteristic? I mean someone desprately for change, and would do anything to archive that? That going to provide some good bittersweet scene with her and Ichika latter.

2013-10-21, 22:48	Link #47290
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Hmm... Good point! Then a bit alliance between the two of them would be good! Or I could always use Sumeragi with Tate. Wonder how would she fare against Vodka? Now the idea of an Unicorn IS for him is really tempting...

2013-10-21, 23:28	Link #47291
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Also, how long does it take for Tempest to write a draft? As I see it, insane speed.

2013-10-22, 00:15	Link #47293
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	You know what, Tempest, maybe I should ask to be my consultant on the field of snippets.

2013-10-22, 00:22	Link #47294
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	You won't regret it, but be patient. He's an adult, and adults are busy as hell. And Tempest if you went for the lime don't forget to PM it! --- Muvluv I.S. with 80% less grimderp would have primary cast of Ichika Orimura: The newcomer to the squad, naive and straightforward. He secretly harbors extreme self esteem and guilt issues about the (apparent) death of his sister/legal guardian and his classmates in military academy, and posses a borderline obsession/hatred toward Ruitare-class BETA (presumably the cause of his sister's death) Machine: Type94 Shiranui(不知火) , later Type04 Shiranui Second (不知火弐型) Houki Shinonono: YaddayaddaNoblesYaddayaddasisterYaddayadda Machine: Type97 Fubuki (吹雪), later Type00F Takemikazuchi (武御雷) Sarashiki Tatenashi: YaddayaddaOrganizationYaddayaddaSquad leaderYaddayaddaFamilyYaddayadda Machine: Type94 Shiranui(不知火), later Type00F Takemikazuchi (武御雷) Dan Gotanda: YaddayaddaclassmateYaddayaddasurvivorYaddayad daIchikaYaddayadda Machine: Type97 Fubuki (吹雪), later Type94 Shiranui(不知火) Secondary cast: Huang Lingyin: YaddayaddaChineseYaddayaddaFamilyYaddayaddaA rmyYaddayadda Machine: J-10X Charlotte Dunois: YaddayaddaIndustryYaddayaddaDunoisYaddayadda FranceYaddayadda Machine: Dass-Ault Rafale Cecilia Alcott: YaddayaddaParentsYaddayaddaEuropeanYaddayadda NobleYaddayadda Machine: EF-2000 Typhoon Natasha Fairs: YaddayaddaYaddayaddaUS Air ForceYaddayaddaTrainerYaddayadda Machine: F-22A Raptor __________________ Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2013-10-22 at 00:32.

2013-10-22, 00:44	Link #47295
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Let's see what we have got here... Just as how I planned! J-10X is actually quite fit for Rin, you know why? Its name is "Vigorous Dragon". But Iris should be the pilot of Raptor, while Natasha get F-35 Lightning II. And I expect Dan to pilot something like F-4J Gekishin or F-15J Kagerou at first. With Tatenashi Type F, Kai Zuikaiku on her first sortie. But how do you get this?

2013-10-22, 00:53	Link #47296
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	I know muvluv tech role very well, being an avid fan of Air combat and all Note that I give Natasha F-22 because it's the strongest Anti-TSF unit with insane mobility, while F-35 sounds like a hybrid of TSF and TSA, a compact unit with heavy firepower. __________________

2013-10-22, 00:55	Link #47297
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Also, toned down Houki and Ichika to the Shiranui Second Phase 3 - a cross between Shiranui and YF-23 Black Widow. Also, does a EOS look similar to a Tieren?

2013-10-22, 00:58	Link #47298
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	And Shirasaki sister. A Su-47 for both of them, while upgraded Su-37 for Kanzashi. Question: If Icchan and Ickun having children, how much similar will them be to their parent?

2013-10-22, 01:00	Link #47299
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	I dunno, do Japan have good ties with Soviet here? Also, most people agree that 00F > Shiranui Second in close combat. Either she turned to look like Icchan or she look like another mini Chifuyu As noted before: Male Ichika resemble Chifuyu more than female Ichika does, and so is Madoka. Icchan's facial features are recessive __________________

2013-10-22, 01:09	Link #47300
Fireminer Lumine Passio Author Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Hanoi, Vietnam Age: 18	Imagine mini-Chifuyu running around the house, slaughtering cats with her game of cooking Suddenly I feel sorry for them. And yes, Type F is truly superior than Shiranui Second. But should I mention that Phase 3 is a fusion with YF-23, which is superior than the Raptor itself in close combat. The only problem that Black Widow is very delicate. And should I mention that both Yui and Yuuya get Phase 3 in the end?