2011-12-09, 22:29 | Link #9821 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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2011-12-10, 20:19 | Link #9823 | ||||
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I skipped a lot through the pages, so excuse me if I missed an important part to what I'm replying ..
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I'm really sorry, but the way you put it ... XDD Quote:
You either tell her now it's no use or give her a chance. If you notice that nothing changes on your side and she starts to get seriously invested - than you have to tell her that. You don't have to lead her on or anything, you could even say "I'm not sure about what I want yet, can we get to know each other better before defining anything?" ... if you feel the need to make it clear you don't already have the engangement ring in your pocket At least that's how I do it. Granted, I'm a scaredy cat when it comes to serious commitment, but that line has proven handy in my personal experience. It's still a question of how you roll and what YOU WANT in the end. Affection can grow, but it is not definite they will. I don't think you're obliged to make a decision on the spot. Your girl seems worth a shot since you say she has a good personality, so why not give it a little more time? You can't force yourself into getting attracted to her, though. XD I still like KoIP better. Quote:
In a long relationship it often happens that you start to bicker about things that shouldn't matter; but if these are presented as fundamental and the provoking party isn't a drama queen - it's more often symptoms of a different, deeper crisis than not. Quote:
Then again: I think it's really attractive if a guy is a handyman, even so I'm more than capable of doing the usual stuff myself (I grew up with tools and axes and worked in an work shop for electro technics part time). I'm no good with cars though, so whenever I have problems there I'm the usual "maiden in distress" I guess it's just nice to know if the other is able to support you, no matter the means. I also think that it's a pretty common thing (and kind of a no brainer) to look past appeareance and skills and look into common interests as well. Specially if you are someone who needs the input and wants to share things that you are passionate about. Don't necessarily have to be the exact same hobbies and interests, but it's always a bonus for me. A general curiosity for new stuff can balance the lack of similar hobbies out imo. Or you know, the other inviting you to broaden your horizon. At least it works for me, since I'm a very curious person and don't have real traditional hobby, aside from travelling maybe. But I love to try out new things, so it's still great if you have someone by your side who is willing to accompany you. Long post is long sorry. |
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2011-12-10, 22:02 | Link #9825 | ||
廉頗
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Age: 34
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Last edited by ChainLegacy; 2011-12-10 at 22:15. |
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2011-12-11, 08:22 | Link #9826 | |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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Disclaimer : The advisor is not liable for any physical or relationship damage thereafter. Use at your own risk.
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2011-12-12, 09:30 | Link #9827 |
Banned
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Worst e-mail you could ever receive after a date?
Thought I'd post this here to get some reactions. At first, you may be thinking the guy is crazy, but some of the comments hit upon an interesting interpretation: what if the guy has Aspergers? Having known a few in my time, it certainly sounds like some of the people I've known with Aspergers(and I confess, a bit too close to how I've come at times). He's trying to navigate the social rules without really understanding them, and it comes across as a bit creepy. And yet, as you can see from the tone of the article, mainstream still doesn't understand it or recognize it, and derides people for it. Granted, this is just a possible interpretation. But it highlights the issues some people have with the dating scene. |
2011-12-12, 11:02 | Link #9828 | |
Megane girl fan
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Age: 55
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But chasing down her e-mail using Google?
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2011-12-12, 14:31 | Link #9829 | |
Senior Guest
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 35
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Too bloody long! Besides, the probability of it going straight to the spam folder is high, so why type out 1600 words that are highly unlikely to be read, especially if it's named "Hey, it's Mike", or something?
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2011-12-12, 14:34 | Link #9830 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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The only thing he doesn't seem to understand (which could result from something along the autism spectrum) is how this girl might be feeling. He attempts to state multiple times what his intent in writing the email is (which does show that he's considering her interpretation), yet the overall email indicates and explains that he is hurt and upset. Despite that, he still welcomes a second date. Basically, he's already pegged her as being uninterested, then says things that would make her guilty, and also attempts to show why they would be compatible. I can't imagine how a second date would be anything but uncomfortable - for the girl, at least.
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2011-12-12, 20:24 | Link #9831 |
Banned
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People with Aspergers are fairly logical, blunt, and straight-forward. So, from what he has gleaned from other information sources, he thinks that she might not be interested. But prefers a straightforward answer so he can move on. It could be that she just didn't see his messages or something else happened that she can't respond.
But Aspies also don't tend to realize how they come across, and thus do say and do things that sound creepy, but seem totally logical. Finding an e-mail address, for instance, is very easy. The internet has all your information, and sometimes it's just a matter of looking at your facebook page. From his logical standpoint: you put your information up online, so why would you get upset from someone looking at it? Aspies really think different, which is why it is so hard for mainstream people to empathize or understand them. If he really is an aspie, then he's being a normal straightforward person, and he really means what he says. The problem is that he doesn't know how he comes across to "normal" people. |
2011-12-12, 20:41 | Link #9832 |
Knight Errant
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Age: 35
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I have met an aspie once or twice in real life. I do have to say, they do seem a little bit "off". It's hard to describe. Somethings just not quite right. It's a kind of uncanny valley type thing.
That email did feel a bit like an aspergers might have wrote it. |
2011-12-12, 20:50 | Link #9833 | |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
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The way they speak and converse, sometimes I wonder if they have a cerebral jack to upload all that stuff into their heads.
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2011-12-13, 00:09 | Link #9836 | |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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The classic example that I read about was a father whose son was autistic: the father taught the son to point at something when he wanted it, and the father would bring it to him. One day the father was out gardening, and he happened to peek inside the house and saw that his son was standing, alone in a room, his back to the window, pointing at a box of cookies. The entire concept that pointing was signaling to someone else was lost. This fellow Mike is unusual in that he seems to comprehend the girl's thoughts and feelings, but it's somewhat limited. His message all too quickly turns very centered around himself. Is it something on the autism spectrum, or pure selfishness/self-centeredness? Either way, whether people recognize and try to accommodate it, the prospects for a successful relationship seem slim.
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2011-12-13, 08:06 | Link #9838 | |
Underweight Food Hoarder
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-------------------- Dyslexia is very different from Aspergers in the scope of its effect. Dyslexia is closer to Tourettes in that it's really specific to spoken/written language. I wonder if any Aspies found someone of the opposite gender with the same disorder? If you're romantically incompatible with most people might as well. Just like a homosexual shouldn't force themselves in a relationship with someone heterosexual of the opposite gender. ----------------- </removed off topic> Last edited by Paranoid Android; 2011-12-13 at 09:04. |
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2011-12-13, 08:30 | Link #9839 | |
Banned
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Your pointing example is a good one. There are many social rules that aren't really taught but are expected. Someone with Aspergers just really doesn't know or understand them; can probably be taught the rules, but won't really understand why. You see it with the letter; the guy knows something about eye contact and hair preening that he read online, but he doesn't know why. And he doesn't really understand the "I had a nice time" thing. There are all sorts of subtle clues that we give off with our bodies that we pick up consciously or subconsciously, that aid human communication. Someone with Aspergers just plain doesn't get them, which makes social interaction a mystery, as if they are witnessing people talking in a different language. |
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2011-12-13, 23:03 | Link #9840 |
Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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Maybe, but I still think there's more to it than that. Even though he claims that she seemed interested, he says straight out that "I assume you don't want to go out with me" near the beginning of his letter. He gets it. He may be confused about what happened between the end of the date and the present, but he has picked up on the "hints" about a lack of interest. So what compels him to write the rest of the message, and to continue pursuing this woman?
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Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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