[Shameless plug] Because blond hair foxy ladies were meant to be babysitters. [/shameless plug]
Spoiler for Vampire!Fate pt.2a:
-snip-
A.)Nanoha
B.)Fate
Hard choice. A
Quote:
Originally Posted by Satashi
XD yay, my plan worked!
I knew it! Satashi was planning this all along!!!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki
After a weekend of about 3-4 hours of sleep a night, staffing the Karaoke room into the late evening (and listening to some songs over and over and over again ), helping out at Yaoi Con sponsored events, lightening my wallet in the Dealers Room, and many cosplays over the 4-day con I must now return to being 'normal' . But first to show off some pics from the con
Cool pics. i wish I could go to an anime con
....wait. Yaoi con?!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam the Onion
When I read that Nanoha has lupus I thought she's a warewolf I'm a bit disappointed that it wasn't it
That's what I thought TOO!
You're not alone Sam.
Though I don't get what Thesinwithin was trying to say about Lupus
Quote:
Also, happy to see that Momo-chan's corruption has gone this far
That's what I thought TOO!
You're not alone Sam.
Though I don't get what Thesinwithin was trying to say about Lupus
Have you ever seen the show House M.D? That's what Thesinwithin's talking about. Pretty much once per episode one of the characters will suggest that the patient has Lupus and they never do.
Back on topic
Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira Ch 3
Progress: About 2/3 done (4434 words)
I think I'm going to split this chapter into two parts otherwise it'll get way longer then I want it to be.
FYI the prologue and Chapter 1 follows the anime closely but after Chapter 2 I will come up with a more of my own story.
____________________________________________
2008-05-27 - Prologue
Spoiler for Prologue:
Marksman Tales Prologue
Vic sat in his tent, reading his book as usual, when Macmillan suddenly rushed in.
“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission.”
“TSAB?” Vic thought to himself. It was pretty unusual for them to send a transmission requiring outside help.
“Are there any details?” he asked quickly.
“Yes, but not many. All it says is that two of their mages have been overrun by Type-4s and that they are requesting help. It seems they are located not far from here.”
He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.
“Okay then, get the trucks and the others ready, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”
Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby. Vic closed his book and began to disassemble the tent, at the same time wondering how two TSAB mages could require assistance. They must have been in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.
----------------------
An hour later they arrived at the location they had been given. They couldn’t believe what they saw. All over the battlefield lay dozens of Type-4s either totally destroyed or damaged to the point that they couldn’t move.
Vic began to give orders to the others, when they suddenly heard a scream among the wreckage:
“Nanoha! Come on, wake up!”
Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”
“Hey, Macmillan!” he screamed.
“Yeah?” a voice in front of him answered.
“Have you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”
“I think so. I think it was during the Book of Darkness incident. She was one of the mages participating in its destruction.”
“So I thought,” Vic replied.
According to the rumors, Nanoha was a mage with huge skill and power. No wonder this place looked like a junkyard.
“Nanoha!”
The voice brought him back to reality. They had finally reached the location where the two mages where. The sight was not promising. A mage in red clothes sat down on the ground holding a bloody, badly damaged body in her arms. Vic guessed the body was Nanoha and immediately called for Doc.
“Doc!” Come over here and try to stabilize her. I’ll take care of the other one.”
He picked up the other mage and put her down a couple of yards away.
“Are you injured?” he asked.
“No, only a couple of bruises,” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.
“Do you know what happened?”
“Well,” she began slowly, “we were going to take down a couple of Type-4s when we suddenly were ambushed by dozens of them. We fought as best as we could but the situation didn’t look good. I had taken some hits and tried to get back up and Nanoha did everything she could to protect me.
In the confusion of it all she didn’t notice that a Type-4 had sneaked up behind us. It struck her full force in the back, throwing her several meters away. I managed to destroy it and the rest myself but by then Nanoha had taken several hits and was lying on the ground. It was then that I called out for a rescue party.”
Vic nodded and put a blanket around her.
“What’s your name?”
“Vita.”
“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.
The girl responded with a small nod.
“How does it look Doc?”
“Not good at all,” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”
Vic picked up the small radio he had on his waist and accessed the TSAB net.
“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group 'Liberty'. We have two TSAB mages in our care that need immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”
He ended the transmission. Now it was just to wait and see if they picked it up.
The radio came to life within seconds.
“This is TSAB HQ. We are locked on your coordinates and a rescue helicopter is on its way. You are permitted to board it too. Over and out.”
Vic looked around at the others. They could certainly use a rest, since it had been such an eventful day. He watched the horizon as two hovering machines was coming in closer.
“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.
2008-05-29 - Chapter 1 "New Recruits"
Spoiler for Chapter 1:
Marksman Tales
Chapter 1 – ”New recruits”
Sergeant Vic Johansen walked through the doors of his apartment building and was just about to enter the elevator when he heard someone calling for him outside.
“Vic! Hey, Vic!”
The voice belonged to Adrian Macmillan, a tactical instructor and an old friend.
“Ah, hello Macmillan,” Vic responded with a faint smile, “you seem to be in a hurry.”
“Nah, it’s just that I don’t want to take the stairs all the way up,” he said while panting from the running.
“Oh? Even the hardworking Macmillan is too lazy to take the stairs? That’s a surprise.”
“Shut it. I’ve had a rough day because of the B-rank exams.”
“Oh, that’s right,” Vic said smiling, “it’s time for that again isn’t it?”
“You bet. The recruits this time around were horrible; I don’t understand how they could get C-rank.”
“Come on, it can’t have been that bad? Surely someone caught your interest.”
Macmillan thought for a moment, “Yeah…now that I think about it, there were two girls who had something going on, but they failed in the end.”
“Got time to tell me about it?” Vic asked, “I don’t have anything to do for the next hour or so.”
“Sure, if it’s that interesting. Let’s talk in your apartment.”
They entered the elevator in unison and began moving upwards.
--------------------------------
At the apartment, Macmillan occupied the sofa as he always did and Vic sat down in his favorite armchair.
“So,” Vic began while adjusting the chair, “what happened out there?”
“From the start? Well, Captain Takamachi, Sergeant Major Rein and I had finished preparing the test when they suddenly told me to observe from a distance and not to be seen. Why, I don’t know, but I did as I was told and settled down in a building about hundred meters away.
Within a couple of minutes, the recruits arrived on the other side of the test. Since I still had sound and view, I heard them introduce themselves as Private Subaru Nakajima and Private Teana Lanster. I’m guessing the one with blue hair was Nakajima, and the other one Lanster.”
At the sound of their names, Vic straightened up. He had heard those names before, but where and when?
“Is something wrong?” Macmillan asked.
“No, nothing. Please continue.”
Macmillan sighed and began talking again, “Well, as I was saying, they introduced themselves and then we started the test. It looked good from the beginning; they struck the targets perfectly and never got hit themselves.
It wasn’t until Lanster got ahead of herself and started dodging a lot of targets when she got hurt. I think she sprained her ankle or something because she was halting afterwards. A little fight ensued between the two, don’t know why, but that quickly subsided and they continued.”
At this point Vic was leaning forward towards Macmillan, listening intently as he spoke.
“Now, here is where everything got interesting; you know that big sniper bot they use at the end where most of them fail? Well, using a mix of Lanster’s ability to duplicate herself and with the use of Nakajima’s speed, they managed to fool the sniper bot, get behind it and take it out. It was a very interesting tactic, but highly dangerous. One small miscalculation and they could have been seriously injured.
Anyway, they were running out of time and decided to finish quickly, so they would pass on time. Unfortunately, they were moving too fast and had no way of stopping without some kind of accident. Luckily for them, Captain Takamachi stopped them with some kind of net before hitting the wall. That was the end of the test.”
Vic settled back in his armchair and closed his eyes, “And how did they do?”
“I asked Captain Takamachi about that afterwards, she said she was going to fail them. I didn’t quite understand at the moment, mainly because I didn’t see any major problems with the tactics. ‘They took big risks and didn’t think enough before doing it. They got too serious,’ she simply said.
I tried to argue but it was no use. She did however say she would let them redo the test within the next two days, so I guess she saw something special in them.”
“Yeah,” Vic said with a faint smile, opening his eyes again, “and I know why.”
“Huh? You do?” Macmillan asked with a surprised look.
“First; Private Subaru Nakajima. Do you remember the Mid-childa Coastal Airport fire 4 years ago?”
“Yeah, vaguely,” Macmillan answered, confused.
“In that fire, Nakajima was rescued by none other than Captain Takamachi. By coincidence, Investigator Harlaown managed to rescue her sister, Ginga Nakajima. At least that’s what I heard over the radio.
I guess the Captain saw the survival instinct of the little girl and that’s why she feels Nakajima’s special.”
Macmillan was now sitting up straight, watching Vic closely, “But what about Private Lanster? What makes her so special?”
“According to the records she had a family but lost them all, except her brother, when she was little. Her brother became her guardian and took care of her during the years that followed. Unfortunately, he died in battle some time later, leaving Lanster all alone.
In this case, Private Lanster has goals and a strong will to become what she wants to be and that’s what makes her stand out.”
“Considering the circumstances, they seem to be good kids,” Macmillan said, “I hope they pass the next test.”
“I’m sure they will,” Vic said with a smile, “because I want to meet them.”
“Let’s hope on that then,” said Macmillan and headed for the door, “Well, I’m off. I’ve got a lot of reports to write, so I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, good night.”
Vic shut his eyes, as the front door closed. He began wondering what would happen to the two girls, when his communicator suddenly chimed. He pressed a button and the one seeking him appeared on a screen right next to him. To his surprise it was his superior.
“Good evening Investigator Harlaown,” he said softly.
“Hello Sergeant. Sorry to disturb you at this late hour but I have something urgent to discuss with you. Come by my office first thing in the morning and we’ll talk about it,” she answered in a calm but suspicious voice.
“Anything special I should know about?” Vic wondered.
“No, just look your best,” she said and closed the connection.
“’Look your best? What did she mean by that?” Vic said to himself while he prepared to sleep.
He shut off the lights and went to bed. Outside, the sound of waves still played and the moon rose over the horizon, marking the end of another day.
2008-06-04 - Chapter 2 "Incident"
Spoiler for Chapter 2:
Marksman Tales
Chapter 2 – ”Incident”
It was morning. The sun shone through Vic’s window and filled his room with light.
A new day, Vic thought and began to get dressed. After that, he ate his breakfast quickly and headed for Enforcer Harlaown’s office, as he had been ordered too yesterday. Why? He still didn’t know.
-------------------------
It took him a while to arrive. Various people had wanted his help as he passed by but of course he didn’t have the time.
He knocked on the door and was greeted by a green light. When he entered he found the Enforcer sitting at her desk as usual, reading something.
“Good morning, Enforcer,” Vic said politely, “You wanted to see me?”
“Ah, good morning to you too Sergeant,” She said while smiling suspiciously, “Yes, I did. I have a special mission that I think only you can handle.”
Only I can handle? Vic thought and felt uneasy, that can’t be good.
“And what would that be?” he asked.
The Investigator turned to her intercom and said, “Privates, can you come in here please?”
Vic was surprised when two girls walked into the office and stood at attention along the wall.
“I’m not sure you’ve met, so I’ll introduce you. This is Private Subaru Nakajima,“ the Investigator said and pointed at one of them, “And this is Private Teana Lanster.”
Vic knew them alright. These two were the ones Macmillan had talked about yesterday. This would be interesting.
“I want you to show them around for today. Be their guide you could say,” the Enforcer said. ”They haven’t seen all the departments yet and I think they should know the place they are staying at.”
“Well I don’t have anything else to do so I guess that’s no problem,” he replied. “Okay you two, follow me.”
Vic walked out of the office and the girls followed him quickly.
-----------------------------------
Vic showed them around for a couple of hours, showing them all the possible departments and offices in the TSAB HQ. Training, Tactics, Storage; they had gone through almost everything and the girls were asking a lot of questions, regarding both TSAB and Vic himself.
Finally, he proposed they should get something to eat and they could choose whatever they wanted. The girls looked surprised but agreed happily.
While they ate, they asked more personal questions to Vic which he answered truthfully, to a certain degree. They don’t have to know everything about me, he had decided.
He also asked them questions about why they had joined.
“I want to follow my brother and restore his reputation,” Lanster had said with a proud voice. “And I am also aiming for the air force.”
Nakajima had responded with, “Well, to begin with, my father and sister are already working here but what inspired me the most was that incident a couple of years ago.”
Ah the Mid-Childa Airport fire, Vic thought, where Nanoha rescued her. I guess that’s a pretty big factor.
“By the way, I heard you failed your B-rank exam. When are you allowed to take it again?”
The two girls moved awkwardly, “Well, I think we are doing it tomorrow if nothing changes.”
“And you think you will pass this time?”
Lanster looked angrily at Vic. “Of course we will, that thing yesterday was just a little misunderstanding,” she replied and looked away.
Vic just smiled. He loved to tease privates like this.
When they had finished their meal Vic proposed they would make it back to Investigator Harlaown’s office. The other two agreed and they began heading back.
--------------------------------
When they had come halfway, the light suddenly went out. The trio looked a little surprised but continued walking, feeling their way forward.
They didn’t get far until a massive explosion rocked the facility and they were thrown into the nearest wall.
Vic was dazed from the impact and looked around, confused. Teana and Subaru were beside him, unconscious but otherwise unhurt. Everywhere he looked was fire and smoke. He also he heard screams and gunfire from far away.
He decided to try and get to the Investigator’s office, so he grabbed the collars of the two girls and pulled them along. Around him people tried to extinguish the fires as he continued down the corridor. Among them were Macmillan and Doc who came running when they spotted him
“Vic, you okay? You look pretty smashed,” Doc said with a worrying voice.
“I’m okay, but I’m trying to get to Enforcer Harlaown’s office.”
Macmillan looked around. “It seems like the others can handle this without our help. Here, let me help you with those two.”
“Thanks.”
Macmillan grabbed one of the girls and flung her over his shoulder.
“Hey, be careful! I don’t know if they are hurt or not,” Doc said angrily.
“No worry Doc,” Macmillan said with a smile. “This isn’t the first time I’ve done something like this.”
They were once again moving through the corridors, seeing the same things over and over. Fire, smoke, injured people; it was the same all over the base.
“Do you know what happened?” Vic asked the others.
“Not really, I was on my way to the training facility with Doc when the lights went out.” Macmillan answered. “Then the roof exploded and, well you know the rest.”
Vic nodded and noticed the door to Harlaown’s office. “We are finally here, let’s see if anyone opens.”
They knocked hard on the door and they heard sounds coming from inside. A very busy looking Fate Harlaown opened the door.
“Vic! And you guys! I’m glad too see you are alright. Come inside, quick!” Harlaown yelled and pushed them inside, closing the door behind her.
Inside, there were injured people being tended to by Harlaown herself and some other mages. The chaos was all over the base it seemed.
“You know what’s going on?” Vic asked as soon as they came inside.
“The information I have received so far is not very reliable but it’s the best I’ve got,” Haralown said. “It seems like we are under attack by an unknown military force. I don’t know who they are or what they want, but I sure as hell know we need to get out of here.”
“Yeah, let’s come up with an escape route and see if we can get out,” Vic responded and they both went to work.
2008-06-16 - Chapter 3 "Escape"
Spoiler for Chapter 3:
Marksman Tales
Chapter 3 – ”Escape”
One hour. That’s how long it took for them to come up with an escape plan. During that time the attacks had died down a bit and the rest of the base could take care of the wounded. According to the reports, 60% of the TSAB staff were injured or killed in the first attack, causing the base go into a state of highest emergency.
All the top leaders of the TSAB had top priority and were moved by special security far away from the base to a hidden, emergency HQ. That was the target of the escape plan.
------------------------------------------
“Got that?” Enforcer Harlaown rose from the desk.
“Yes, ma’m,” the others replied in unison. Subaru and Teana had now recovered without any serious injuries and stood a few meters away.
“Vic and Macmillan, your goal is to scout our route ahead and make sure no enemies are present when we move through. The rest of you, prepare to move the wounded.”
Vic and Macmillan nodded and made their way out to the corridor.
“This is just like the old days, huh Vic?” Macmillan said with a smile.
“Yeah. But you know, back then we at least knew who our enemies were,” Vic replied harshly. He didn’t like when Macmillan didn’t take things for what they were.
“Well, I guess. But I don’t think these guys are any harder than what we can handle.”
“Don’t take that for granted,” Vic said and flung himself against the wall, Macmillan doing the same.
Vic pointed past the corner, intending for Macmillan to also take a look. They had never seen anything like it.
3 machines stood behind the corner, two of them looking like boxes with two legs attached and the third were some kind of hovering machine, similar to a fat plate with wings.
Vic and Macmillan looked at each other, both looking equally perplexed. Then they decided it was time to act.
“Barret,” Vic whispered, “Kurzwaffe Mode, now.”
The device replied, as always, in german, “Bestätigter Sergeant.”
Barret grew in size and ejected silver plates around Vic’s hands and it changed its form to that of a handgun, fitting Vic perfectly.
Vic stood ready and awaited Macmillan’s device, Vanguard, to transform.
“Time for Guardian Mode,” Macmillan whispered to the device.
In fluent English, it responded with, “Yes, sir.”
The device expanded and formed itself into a shield with poles protruding from its sides.
“You ready?” Vic asked.
Macmillan simply nodded.
“Go!”
The two mages jumped out from cover and immediately took up a defensive position, with Macmillan in front and Vic standing behind him, aiming at the 3 drones. The first 2 drones, the ones on the ground, went down easily. They hadn’t had the time to react, but the third flew around like an insect making it very hard to shoot at.
It fired some kind of energy beam against Macmillan which he easily blocked. Vic still tried to aim at the little drone, but it was just too hard to track when suddenly the roof caved in above the little bugger and crushed it.
“How far have we come?” Macmillan asked, while looking at the rubble.
Vic sighed. “Not far at all. We have at least 100 meters left to the exit.”
“Shit.”
They continued. It was the same procedure at almost every corner. Jump out, shoot, continue. Sometimes there were no drones, other times there were a lot, but they didn’t have any problem dealing with them, it seemed liked it was too easy.
After 45 minutes they finally reached the exit. What they saw outside was not encouraging. Everything outside was destroyed, cars lay spread out over the parking lot, bushes and trees had been cut down. A few bodies lay not far from them, with long burn marks and slashed body parts.
“What the hell happened here?” Macmillan said with anger in his voice.
“I don’t know,” Vic replied nervously, “but let’s report to the Enforcer that the route is clear.”
Vic opened a Com-link to the Fate’s office.
“Finally! What took you so long? What happened?” Fate spoke anxiously.
“It seems like the base has been invaded with small drones and we don’t know more than that, but the escape route has been cleared and you can evacuate the wounded,” Vic replied.
“Good.” She turned to someone off-screen and yelled, “Ok everyone, let’s go! Sergeant, make sure no drones gets in our way and we should be with you within 20 minutes.”
“Roger that,” Vic said and terminated the Com-link. “Macmillan, stay here and guard the exit. I will scout ahead and see if there is anymore of those little buggers around.”
“You really think that’s a good idea? What if you are discovered by some new drone, more dangerous?”
Vic thought for a moment. “I guess I’ll just use Stealth if things turn ugly. Don’t worry; you know I won’t do something stupid,” he replied and ran off, leaving Macmillan staring at him.
He ran to one corner of the TSAB building and checked his surroundings. Nothing, not even a sound. He continued to run until he almost ran into a small squadron of drones, located inside a partly destroyed building.
He hit the ground beneath a window and took a look inside. He counted the drones to at least over 20, a mix between the small ground units and the flying ones. Nothing new in other words and Vic wondered if he should try and take them out. He checked his surroundings again. The building seemed to be a small storage room containing weapons and explosives and it looked like the roof was hold up by 4 pillars inside the room, very instable due to damage.
If I manage to break the pillars at the same time they might not have the time to react, Vic thought. But how would I do that? Barret in its form now wouldn’t make it.
He positioned himself cross-legged beneath the window and went into meditation. He often did this when he needed something figured out. After a few minutes he knew what to do.
He ordered Barret to switch into Sniper Mode. The device released its hold around Vic’s hand, extended its barrel and grew in size until it looked like an over-sized telescope. Vic aimed on one of the closest pillars.
“Scharfschütze schuß!” Barret ordered and fired. Vic guided the shot with his mind, first destroying the first pillar, closely followed by the second. By now the drones had noticed something was happening but they didn’t know what to do, they just followed the sound of the shot.
The third pillar got destroyed and only the fourth was left, when a drone noticed Vic standing at the window. It fired its beam and he was just fast enough to dodge it, but the shot he had controlled went through the wall, outside. Regaining control of it, he noticed that all the drones were converging on his position and he focused as much as he could on hitting the last pillar. The shot turned in the air and began to increase its speed heading for the pillar when some of the drones seemed to understand what was going on. Without hesitation, they positioned themselves between the shot and the pillar.
Stupid machines, Vic thought and continued to plan the trajectory of the shot. It went straight through the drones and crushed the last pillar. The roof collapsed and loud explosions went off everywhere inside, but by then Vic was already 20 meters away. He ran as fast as he could towards where Macmillan was standing.
Cutting the last corner he saw him stand there, eyes widened and shouting at Vic, “What the hell was that sound? Did you blow up the base or something?”
“No, I just took out a few of those damn drones,” he said, calm as always.
“Well, good thing you got back by now, because the Enforcer is just around the corner,” Macmillan responded annoyed.
“I am always on time, you know that,” Vic said sheepishly.
5 minutes later, Fate came out from the building. “Good job you two. Did you meet any more resistance?”
Vic answered, “Yeah, I took some drones down at a storage building. They were probably more than 20 I think.”
“Considering how many we’ve seen until now I wouldn’t be surprised if there are more inside,” Fate said worryingly, “We should get going.”
She began giving orders to the ones carrying the wounded again. It looked like all of them had gotten out safely.
Vic and Macmillan stood at a distance, overlooking the rubble that once was TSAB HQ. All over the TSAB buildings there were large holes in the ground, walls and roofs. It looked a lot like an artillery bombardment had been launched, which didn’t surprise Vic. Any enemy attacking such a strong building would need some kind of ballistic weapon to break through the walls.
He pondered about that while moving ahead of the rest of the group, scouting for possible threats. Along the way they were supposed to go there were no sign of the drones, so he returned to the group and said it was all okay. The group began to move and headed for the TSAB Emergency HQ.
2008-06-29 - Chapter 4 "Rendezvous"
Spoiler for Chapter 4:
Four hours had passed since the attack on the TSAB HQ. During that time the survivors had begun to move towards the other base, while waiting for the rescue forces to arrive. The leaders of the survivors; Fate, Vic and Macmillan, had gone through a list of all the working staff before the attack.
5% of the staff had not been at the base and among those numbers were Captain Takamachi with Vivio who was on a short trip to the city and Lieutenant Colonel Yagami with her Wolkenritter knights who were on a mission.
All of them had probably been informed about the current situation and were currently on their way to the TSAB Emergency HQ.
===============
“Ouch! Watch where you put your big feet Subaru,” Teana said with an angry voice.
“I’m sorry, but if we don’t walk like this we won’t get anywhere,” a worrying Subaru said while keeping Teana up with her shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah I know. Hey you, Sergeant or whatever, how long will it take until the rescue arrives?”
Any other officer would scream at them for not using the correct term, but either Teana didn’t care or she knew Vic wouldn’t bother.
He was walking a few meters in front of them, discussing plans for the survivors with Fate when he was interrupted by the Private. He slowed his pace until they came up next to him.
“How’s that leg holding up Private?” he said with an amused smile.
“Never mind that, just answer my question!”
“Well, the plan is to walk another few hundred meters and then stay there until the choppers arrive. They are supposed to be there at 4:00 pm.”
He took up Barret from his pocket and asked for the time. Vic had lost his old watch in the attack, an old relic you could say, non-digital. He longed for it but knew he would never get it back.
“3:15 pm, Sergeant,” Barret responded.
“Good, then we a lot of time to rest before they arrive. You heard that Private?”
“Yeah, yeah,” an irritated Teana said and waved her hand.
Smiling slightly, Vic briskly walked up to Fate again.
“What was that all about?”
“Oh, they just wanted to know when the rescue arrives.”
“Ah about that,” Fate said with a worried look, “I just got off the radio with the base. It seems like they are still refueling the choppers. They will be delayed with another hour.”
Vic shook his head. This was not good. If this was a regular transportation issue it would be no problem, but knowing that somewhere drones were pursuing them made it worse.
“Ok, but lets continue to the rendezvous point anyway, we’re safer there.”
Fate agreed and the survivors continued.
===============
The rendezvous point was an old hospital, probably abandoned for financial reasons. It was stationed on a small hill, providing large visual range, but also made it vulnerable to attacks.
They put the mages that could still stand outside to guard and began to set up a small medical station.
“Macmillan,” Fate ordered, “Go outside and scout the vicinity. We don’t want an ambush now.”
“Roger that,” he said and ran off.
“Vic, you will help us here with the wounded. Help with anything you can.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he responded and went to work.
Subaru had finished putting on more bandages on Teana’s leg when she walked over to Fate.
“Ma’am, requesting more orders to help the wounded,” she said with a nervous voice.
Fate turned around and looked at the girl. Bruises, dirty wounds and exhaustion were all over her.
“Take care of yourself first Private.”
“But I’m fin-“
She was interrupted by Fate taking a hold of her shoulders.
“I don’t want you to overstrain yourself. Take care of your wounds first and rest for a bit. That’s an order,” Fate said with a definite voice.
Subaru looked disappointed but did as she was told.
===============
A tall and muscular man stood and looked out of the window on the bridge. Clouds were floating beneath them at a slow pace. The landscape was beautiful, except for where black smoke went up into the air.
Small robots were rolling around on the bridge, accessing data terminals and checking the gauges that displayed height, speed and fuel.
“Hey, Sparrow,” the man said with a deep voice, “What do you think is the biggest threat to humanity?”
A short and slender man with a lab coat stopped what he was doing and sighed, “Eagle, you’ve asked me that numerous times and my answer still stands.”
“Ah.’Humanity is the biggest threat to humanity’. That’s what you said huh?” the tall one answered with an absent mind.
Sparrow simply shook his head and continued modifying the drone he had been working on.
Yes. Humanity must be stopped for the greater good. And you are being targeted first TSAB. If you are out of the way, nothing stands against our new future, Eagle thought and chuckled quietly.
2008-07-19 - Chapter 5 "Extraction"
Spoiler for Text:
When Macmillan got the order to look out for a potential ambush he decided that the best viewpoint of the area would be on the roof. He ran up the stairs and found a big door blocking his path but that was nothing a simple kick could solve. The door dropped from its hinges and made a loud metallic sound when it hit the floor. He stepped out onto the roof and looked around. From here he could see the big pillar of smoke coming from the destroyed HQ. The sun was going down behind it and he checked his watch.
“9:23 PM. I hope those choppers will be here soon, I don’t want to fight those things in the dark.” [The helicopters’ ETA is now twenty minutes]
“Yeah, I know Vanguard, you don’t have to remind me. It’s not like I’m afraid or something.”
The device remained quiet and he scanned the area once more. About five hundred meters away, from the direction of the HQ, dust were climbing into the air and a rumbling noise started to grow louder.
“Oh shit, they are already here? Damn machines.”
He opened a com link to Fate.
“Investigator! Those drones or whatever we saw back there are heading this way! We need to prepare for an attack.”
Fate looked around and found who she was looking for.
“Sergeant! Go up to the roof and team up with Macmillan! Try to take as many of those machines down before they make it here.”
“Yes, ma’am!” Macmillan heard from off-screen.
Fate turned to him again and spoke with anger in her voice.
“Macmillan, make sure none of those things gets in here. I will try to take care of the defenses down here. We will bunker up and attack from the inside. You two will be the only ones outside so be careful.”
Macmillan nodded and cut the link. Just like that day, he thought. The sun setting, rescue on the way and enemies closing in. It’s a race against time just as then.
A few moments later Vic arrived.
“Have you seen any other type of drone than what we saw back there?”
“Yeah, I think they are setting them up right now. Look over there, to the farthest right of their formation.”
Vic picked up Barret and ordered him to be ready. [Scharfschütze Mode]
Vic zoomed in towards the point where Macmillan had pointed and saw some kind of two-legged blob settling into the ground. On the top of its metallic structure it had something similar to artillery cannons, but Vic wasn’t sure.
He got that confirmed when he was blinded by them. A bright light came from the cannons and something came at them. It looked like a comet with its long bright tail and it was shaped like a ball.
“Shit. Macmillan, don’t let that thing hit the building!”
The man smiled and turned towards the projectile. [Protection Mode]
Vanguard expanded its shield so it was big enough to cover most of the building front. [Vanshield]
The magic shield sprung to life and quickly settled itself over Vanguards extended metal shield. It hummed with magic and shone like the sun when the projectile hit. Vic was standing behind Macmillan but he could still feel the pressure from the impact. The shield flared for a moment and everything went quiet.
The projectile had been successfully blocked. Vanguard started its cooling system and let the hot air out. Macmillan lowered his arm and turned to Vic.
“That is all I can do from here. Now it’s your turn Silence. Show them what you can do.”
Vic eyed the man standing in front of him with a strange look.
“I don’t remember when you last called me that.”
Macmillan just smiled. He made a small shrug and leaned against a wall. Vic shook his head and looked down on Barret who lay in his hands.
“You ready partner?” [Natürlich, Sergeant]
“Then let’s do this.” [Scharfschütze Shot]
The defenses around the hospital had been set up. Fate had been giving orders to those who could still stand to barricade all exits and provide covering fire when the drones came into range. From the point where she was standing she could see the mechanic army advancing on their position.
Teana had convinced Subaru to carry her somewhere so she could see what was going on. Subaru had made a big sigh and simply let the red haired girl have it her way. They now stood together next to Fate near the windows. [Scharfschütze Shot]
Two sharp shots were heard and a number of drones exploded almost at the same time. They noticed the small orbs in the air coming out from the masses and turning to perform another attack. This time they aimed for the massive mechs who had been firing artillery-like projectiles on them just a minute ago. The two shots just pinged of the thick armor and went wild.
The artillery mechs didn’t even notice and fired new projectiles against them. Fate noticed they had changed the trajectory this time and that they would come down on the side of the building. In other words, Macmillan couldn’t block it since he was on the roof. She turned to the two girls standing beside her.
“Subaru, I will take care of those artillery machines. You stay here and keep things in order.”
“What? Me? But I’m only a private! I can’t take the resp-“
“All the other officers are either in combat or can’t even move. Subaru, you are the only one here without any serious injuries, except Doc, but he is busy tending to the injured. Help him with what you can and take charge here.”
Fate opened the window and flew out into the air, leaving a very confused Subaru.
The projectiles had closed in on their position by now and Fate positioned herself where the impact would be and activated Bardiche. [Defenser Plus]
A shield appeared in front of Fate and its size was just enough to take the impact. The projectiles hit it head-on but they were blocked by it. It took a great deal of strength to withstand the impact so she felt rather tired afterwards.
“Investigator? Are you all right?”
Vic’s voice. She looked to her right and saw that a com window had appeared.
“I’m fine Sergeant. Continue to fire, but only focus on the small ones. Your shots bounced of the bigger ones.”
Vic looked disappointed. “Yeah, I noticed. I can’t get enough power to penetrate the armor. It must be really thick.”
Fate looked at the mechanical army that was still advancing. Their numbers had been greatly reduced, but they kept on coming. The artillery mechs were standing motionless farther back, probably recharging. They had to be taken out before they fired again and if they did, she wouldn’t have enough strength to block the shots.
“Sergeant, here is the plan. Take out as many as you can and I will go in behind their lines and take care of the big ones. Don’t worry about me, this shouldn’t be too hard. If the small ones are too close for comfort, I recommend you send in Macmillan first and you stay there to provide backup. Understood?”
“Understood ma’am,” Vic said and closed the link.
Fate flew straight up into the air and then changed her course so she flew directly above the army. She tried to count them but quickly gave up. There were too many of them, both ground and air drones.
Fate shook her head. I shouldn’t be thinking of this now, she thought as she finally reached the artillery machines. [Plasma Lancer]
Six spheres of light appeared and set course for the machines. They divided themselves into two groups, three in each, and attacked. Taking the heavy armor into account, the spheres needed to hit the same area to have any chance of breaking through and they therefore positioned themselves one after another.
The impacts happened at the same time. The first volley only made a dent, but the second volley made a small crack appear in the thick armor. The third came shortly after and pierced the machine. It exploded and the small drones who had been trying to protect it were caught in the blast.
Satisfied with those machines gone, she flew into the air towards the hospital. Drones lay immobile all over the area. Vic had taken down almost all of them. She opened a com link.
“Vic, how’s it going?”
“We are doing fine over here ma’am. I think the worst is over.”
“Let’s hope so,” Fate said with a tired voice. “I’m coming back to you guys. Heard anything from the choppers?”
“Nothing new, but I think they will arrive here shortly.”
She nodded and shut the link. All that’s left now is to wait. I hope nothing else happens.
When she arrived at the hospital again she noticed Vic staring at something in the direction of the old base. She landed next to him.
“Do you see anything interesting?”
“I would say it looks more worrying than interesting,” he said and pointed at something in the sky.
Something huge emerged through the clouds. It was shaped like a bird, but much bulkier and coated in black. Small, black dots flew out from its belly and disappeared beneath the hills. There were dozens of them. The huge ship circled the base in a wide circle and it looked like it had no intention to land.
“What are those small things? Can you see them?” Fate asked the sergeant.
He zoomed in and the reply came shortly after.
“Shuttles. It looks like they are re-deploying the drones. From the looks of it, I guess that huge ship is their base.”
Fate bit her lip. If those things attacks again we’re finished and I have no idea if that ship has any weapons. I hope it doesn’t.
“Investigator!”
Macmillan suddenly appeared on the roof again. He had gone back down and helped the others during the attack.
“The choppers are coming! They are telling us to evacuate to a field not far from here. They will wait for us there.”
Fate wasted no time.
“Get the others ready and get them there as fast as possible before the enemy attacks again.”
The evacuation went smoothly. When they reached the field the choppers were already there, waiting for them. When they had gotten everyone on board, Fate waved them off and flew herself some moments after. She wanted to make sure the choppers were safe and intended to protect them if the enemy attacked.
As she looked behind her, she noticed the big ship had made a turn towards them and was now very close to the hospital where they had taken refuge. When she studied the huge ship, something happened beneath its belly. Two huge cannons of some sorts extended and aimed for the old building. The pipes glowed a bright white and suddenly fired a blinding stream of light. Fate couldn’t look at it and had to close her eyes. When the roaring sound that came from the attack disappeared, she looked again. Where the building had been there were now only black, charred dirt. No sign of metal or anything else, everything just disintegrated.
By now the huge ship had closed in on them and was on a collision course. Fate tried to think of something but couldn’t. What could she do? That ship wouldn’t take any damage from her attacks and it would most certainly counterattack.
She didn’t have to think any longer when it suddenly changed its altitude. It was now on a slightly higher course than the choppers. When it was almost on top of them, its engines increased the output and it tipped itself upwards. It was only a few hundred meters from them when it disappeared into the clouds. The choppers weren’t safe however. The shockwave from the acceleration and the sudden air changes made them unstable. They began to lose altitude and some almost lost control. The pilots had a though time keeping them under control, but somehow managed to keep them in the air.
The only thing left now was to reach the base. As they flew above the ground, the sun disappeared beneath the horizon.
Author's Note about timeline
Spoiler for Spoiler:
There might be some confusion about the timeline in MT. Let me just say that I messed up on that. I consider this fic an AT or AU. It has nothing to do with StrikerS in that sense but it is during that year.
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Last edited by NorthernFallout; 2008-07-18 at 18:09.
Reason: More errors fixed >_>
Have you ever seen the show House M.D? That's what Thesinwithin's talking about. Pretty much once per episode one of the characters will suggest that the patient has Lupus and they never do.
EXCEPT THAT TIME THEY DID. I think that I died laughing. But anyway. We need to be on topic.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keroko
I'd say so.
I think that this is a VERY GOOD PLOT BUNNY. Someone who is not me should run with it.
Cool pics. i wish I could go to an anime con
....wait. Yaoi con?!!
Uh, huh. As an official Yaoi Con Bishounen I work with them at events I can make at other cons as well as at Yaoi Con itself like Bingo, Double Up, and the Bishounen Auction (only at Yaoi Con).
Uh, huh. As an official Yaoi Con Bishounen I work with them at events I can make at other cons as well as at Yaoi Con itself like Bingo, Double Up, and the Bishounen Auction (only at Yaoi Con).
... you're a Yaoi Con Bishounen... Do you sparkle?
This is the first fanfic I've ever written with these characters: Character info
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This is the prologue to my "Marksman Tales" fanfic which I am planning to continue with and expand with different parts.
Spoiler for Prologue:
Marksman Tales
Prologue
Vic sat in his tent, reading his book as usual, when Macmillan suddenly rushed in.
“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission”
“TSAB?” Vic thought from himself. It was pretty unusual for them to send out a transmission requiring outside help.
“Is there any details?” he asked quickly.
“Yes, but not much. All it says is that two of their mages has been overrun by Type-4s and that they are asking for help. It seems they are located not far from here.”
He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.
“Okay then, get the trucks and the others ready, we are leaving in 5 minutes.”
Macmillan rushed out as he screamed orders to the others around him. Vic closed his book and began to take down the tent, at the same time wondering how two TSAB mages could require assistance. They must be in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.
----------------------
1 hour later they arrived at the location they had been given. They couldn’t believe what they saw. All over the battlefield lay dozens of Type-4s either totally destroyed or damaged to the point that they couldn’t move.
Vic began to give orders to the others, when they suddenly heard a scream among the wreckage:
“Nanoha! Come on, wake up!”
Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly: “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”
“Hey, Macmillan!” he screamed.
“Yeah?” a voice in front of him answered.
“Haven’t you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”
“I think so. I think it was during the Book of Darkness incident. She was one of the mages participating in its destruction.”
“So I thought” Vic replied.
According to the rumors, Nanoha was a mage with huge skill and power. No wonder this place looked like a junkyard.
“Nanoha!”
The voice brought him back to reality. They had finally reached the location where the two mages where. The sight was not promising. A mage in red clothes sat down on the ground holding a bloody, badly damaged body in her arms. Vic guessed the body was Nanoha and immediately called for Doc.
“Doc!” Come over here and try to stabilize her. I’ll take care of the other one.”
He picked up the other mage and put her down a couple of yards away.
“Are you injured?” he asked.
“No, only a couple of bruises.” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.
“Do you know what happened?”
“Well,” she began slowly, “we were going to take down a couple of Type-4s when we suddenly were ambushed by dozens of them. We fought as best as we could but the situation didn’t look good. I had taken some hits and tried to get back up and Nanoha did everything she could to protect me.
In the confusion of it all she didn’t notice that a Type-4 had sneaked up behind us. It struck her full force in the back, throwing her several meters away. I managed to destroy it and the rest myself but by then Nanoha had taken several hits and were lying on the ground. It was then that I called out for a rescue party.”
Vic nodded and put a blanket around her.
“What’s your name?”
“Vita.”
“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.
The girl responded with a small nod.
“How does it look Doc?”
“Not good at all” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”
Vic picked up the small radio he had on his waist and accessed the TSAB net.
“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group “Liberty”. We have two TSAB mages in our care that needs immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”
He ended the transmission. Now it was just to wait and see if they picked it up.
The radio came to life within seconds.
“This is TSAB HQ. We are locked on your coordinates and a rescue helicopter is on its way. You are permitted to board it too. Over and out.”
Vic looked around at the others. They could certainly use a rest, since it had been such an eventful day. He watched the horizon as two hovering machines was coming in closer.
“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.
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If you find any huge errors (storywise, spelling, grammatic etc.) don't hesitate to tell me about it. And since it's my first, the quality may vary
Seems like a good begining. There were only a few errors that I could point out. The quotes from the story are in parentheses, with the corrections I reccomend afterwards.
(“Is there any details?” he asked quickly.) Can change ‘Is’ to ‘Are’, sounds a bit better.
(All it says is that two of their mages has been overrun) Change ‘has’ to ‘have”
(That they are asking for help) change it to ‘that they are requesting help’
(1 hour later) change 1 to An
(had taken several hits and were lying on) Think you meant ‘was’ instead of ‘were’
(care that needs immediate) Make it need, don't need the S.
I hope that helps you at all. I'll take another look later to see if I spot anything else.
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Saber - Signum - Serenn
Life is a thing most of us take for granted. Until we lose someone that we charish, are we forced to realize that things will never always be the same.
^ Yeah, grammatical errors are my biggest weakness. That helps alot thank you.
I know exactly what you mean. I go through my storys like 15 times, re-reading over and over again... and they still get past me. lol
__________________
Saber - Signum - Serenn
Life is a thing most of us take for granted. Until we lose someone that we charish, are we forced to realize that things will never always be the same.
Problem is...I'm lazy >_<. I check it 3 or 4 times, then send it to friends for reviews and after that I send it here.
Also, english isn't my native language so it makes it a little harder.
Problem is...I'm lazy >_<. I check it 3 or 4 times, then send it to friends for reviews and after that I send it here.
Also, english isn't my native language so it makes it a little harder.
Ah that makes sense. I've noticed people who don't speak English natively have a tendency to mix up tense and that was really one of the only problems I found. (If I find anything Illidan didn't find I'll point it out)
hehe, yeah. Problem with me is, I don't have friends who will read storys I write about animes and stuff. So most of the time I have to catch it, or throw it out for the wolves (the readers, some are quite brutal with their corrections lol)
And I guess that makes things a bit more difficult with English being a second language. >.<
BTW:
(“TSAB?” Vic thought from himself.) Change 'from himself' to 'aloud'
(for them to send out a transmission requiring) remove 'out' from the sentance
(“Yes, but not much. All) Change 'much' to 'many'
(He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.) Remove 'He' and change 'handed' to "Handing". Remove 'and' and add in a coma, switch the last three words around aswell, like this; "Handing him the transmission script, Vic examined it quickly."
(Macmillan rushed out as he screamed orders to the others around him) Can change this senance like this; "Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby."
(Vic closed his book and began to take down the tent,) Here you can change 'take down' to 'disassemble'
(An 1 hour later they arrived at) Again, remove the number '1' from this sentance.
There's a few more corrections I came across. *Goes back to trying to finish his storys* lol, I'll re-read it again in a few to see if anything else comes up. (If you want, send any fics you write thru PM's and I'll help you out there as well in future things. ^_^)
...lol I guess this is helping me, since I want to major in english lit. when I go to collage lol... >.> *wants to be a teacher*
__________________
Saber - Signum - Serenn
Life is a thing most of us take for granted. Until we lose someone that we charish, are we forced to realize that things will never always be the same.
hehe, yeah. Problem with me is, I don't have friends who will read storys I write about animes and stuff. So most of the time I have to catch it, or throw it out for the wolves (the readers, some are quite brutal with their corrections lol)
And I guess that makes things a bit more difficult with English being a second language. >.<
BTW:
(“TSAB?” Vic thought from himself.) Change 'from himself' to 'aloud'
(for them to send out a transmission requiring) remove 'out' from the sentance
(“Yes, but not much. All) Change 'much' to 'many'
(He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.) Remove 'He' and change 'handed' to "Handing". Remove 'and' and add in a coma, switch the last three words around aswell, like this; "Handing him the transmission script, Vic examined it quickly."
(Macmillan rushed out as he screamed orders to the others around him) Can change this senance like this; "Macmillan rushed out, yelling orders to those nearby."
(Vic closed his book and began to take down the tent,) Here you can change 'take down' to 'disassemble'
(An 1 hour later they arrived at) Again, remove the number '1' from this sentance.
There's a few more corrections I came across. *Goes back to trying to finish his storys* lol, I'mm re-read it again in a few to see if anything else comes up. (If you want, send any fics you write thru PM's and I'll help you out there as well in future things. ^_^)
...lol I guess this is helping me, since I want to major in english lit. when I go to collage lol... >.> *wants to be a teacher*
Thank you, this helps immensely. Some things I won't change such as
"He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it."
I just don't feel it right if I change that sentence to what you suggested. Guess it works both ways.
They are hard to remember for me sometimes.
I don't think it ruins it though, the message still gets through so to say. It's just annoying and ugly.
Well actually it can get extremely distracting when you're someone like me who speaks English as a first language.
I remember when Satashi used to get was and were mixed up all the time and I sometimes had to give up reading because it was so distracting.
Here are some things I found
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilya
“Sarge, we’ve received a transmission from the Time-Space Administration Bureau about a search-and-rescue mission”
You need a period after mission.
Quote:
“TSAB?” Vic thought from himself.
Though to himself.
You can't think from yourself.
Quote:
They must be in a highly dangerous situation for even considering asking for their help.
It should be "The must have been in a highly dangerous situation for them to even consider asking for their help"
^ of course that isn't even fully correct but for your purposes it is. (I don't want to end up too in depth in grammar)
Quote:
Everyone turned to the sound and began moving in that direction. Vic was thinking rapidly: “Nanoha? I think I’ve heard that name before.”
The : isn't needed.
Quote:
“Haven’t you heard the name Nanoha anywhere before?”
Just Have
Quote:
“So I thought” Vic replied.
comma after thought
Quote:
“No, only a couple of bruises.” the tearful girl said, looking down on the ground.
Comma after bruises not a period
Quote:
“Ok Vita, I’m going to ask how Nanoha is doing, you just wait here.” he said and walked towards Doc.
Comma after here not a period.
Quote:
“Not good at all” he responded with a worried look. “If we can’t get her to a hospital within the next hour, she’s gone.”
comma after all
Quote:
“This is Sergeant Vic Johansen from the mercenary group “Liberty”. We have two TSAB mages in our care that need immediate medical attention. I repeat, two TSAB mages require immediate medical attention, over.”
Quotes with in quotes are always '' not ""
Quote:
“Mission accomplished” he said quietly to himself.
Comma after accomplished
I don't mean to be rude but I noticed some things that weren't quite right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by illidan182
(“TSAB?” Vic thought from himself.) Change 'from himself' to 'aloud'
If you change it to aloud it changes the meaning. A simple to would do better to replace the from.
Quote:
(He handed him the transmission script and Vic quickly examined it.) Remove 'He' and change 'handed' to "Handing". Remove 'and' and add in a coma, switch the last three words around aswell, like this; "Handing him the transmission script, Vic examined it quickly."
Those changes make the tense present while the rest of the piece is in past.
And if any one needs a Beta please ask me. English is my first language and I pride myself in having pretty good grammar. (Plus I actually enjoy it ><)
If you change it to aloud it changes the meaning. A simple to would do better to replace the from.
Those changes make the tense present while the rest of the piece is in past.
And if any one needs a Beta please ask me. English is my first language and I pride myself in having pretty good grammar. (Plus I actually enjoy it ><)
The part where I suggested changing it to 'aloud' was because Illya's character had said it instead of as a thought, but I see what you mean aswell. As he's talking to himself.
As for the other part I see what you pointed out there aswell. I'll have to think on it for a few as nothing is coming to mind at the moment.
And as for Betaing people? I plan on useing you when I finish with my next piece.
__________________
Saber - Signum - Serenn
Life is a thing most of us take for granted. Until we lose someone that we charish, are we forced to realize that things will never always be the same.
Well actually it can get extremely distracting when you're someone like me who speaks English as a first language.
I remember when Satashi used to get was and were mixed up all the time and I sometimes had to give up reading because it was so distracting.
Sorry I shouldn't talk for myself like that
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword
Quotes with in quotes are always '' not ""
Don't really understand, Should I remove the " around Liberty?
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShinySword
I don't mean to be rude but I noticed some things that weren't quite right.
You are not. This helps me improve my grammar extremely.
And if you don't mind, could I PM you too in the future for review if you have the time?
2008-05-27, 16:04
Author
), helping out at Yaoi Con sponsored events, lightening my wallet in the Dealers Room, and many cosplays over the 4-day con I must now return to being 'normal' 
