Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Yasanagi]

Spoiler for Quick Kaiser Mom Update?!:

Touma stood in front of a mirror to see his new look. His attire for his upper half of his body consisted of a white dress shirt and a black vest covering most of his upper torso except for the arms. A pair of grey dress pants and black dress shoes made up the rest of the outfit and he also had a pair of black fingerless gloves.

“Fufufu… my special little man is looking very sharp here!” He felt his mother’s arms rest on his shoulders, admiring the work that she had put into creating this barrier jacket for the boy. “Vivio-chan, what do you think?”

“Umu! Onii-chan looks cool!” Vivio gave her own sign of approval complete with the thumbs up gesture.

“So this is my Knight Clothing? I guess this explains a few things that I was seeing for the past few weeks.”

“Like what?”

“Like your recent slip ups in Mid-Childan language class. Seriously, how do you get ‘I do you school buses’ from ‘I come to school by train’?” asked the boy in a curious tone.

“Ahaha…” Olivie decided to switch the subject before Vivio start asking more on that particular language faux pas. “I made sure that this outfit maximizes mobility and speed for your movements so you should do fine at the preliminaries.”

“It really took two weeks to design this?” Touma knew that there was more to it.

“Well, I did end up designing two sets of Knight Armour before realizing that those would not be appropriate for the upcoming tournament.” She turned back to take out two rolled up scrolls and unravelled them for her son to see.

The first one had a white cape along with predominantly black coloured armour over a black bodysuit. The black helmet had a V shaped green surface along with a horn at the top. “Oi… that would have made me look like some dark magician or something.”

“That’s true and I was certain the cape would have gotten in the way of combat so I scrapped the Exodus armour design.” Her eyes moved over to the other picture of a silver spandex suit with chest armour, silver gauntlets and a silver helmet complete with a large green surface to cover the facial features. “The Silberkrähe armour is a far leaner design but I think it’s borrowing too many aspects of that other super hero show that’s on nowadays and I didn’t want to give that odd of an impression.”

“Uh huh… and that’s how you came to the conclusion that an outfit resembling a school uniform works,” said Touma.

“You should see what some of the other contestants are wearing,” replied his mother. Seriously, what’s with that girl in that DSAA pamphlet wearing only a strip of cloth made out of thick cotton underneath that big jacket of hers? Whatever happened to decency when it came to protective wear for mages and knights?

“Mom, you didn’t answer my question earlier about whether all this really took two weeks to put together. Because I know that designing a barrier jacket and putting it together isn’t exactly something that hard to do.”

“That’s true,” nodded Olivie before she produced a small box from her dress pocket and handed it to the boy. “I had quite a bit of help from the Church in building the device when you said that you wanted to continue combat training relying mainly on your fists instead of some other weapon like a sword or a staff.”

“So that’s onii-chan’s device?!” Vivio looked pretty excited. “Take it out and show us!”

Touma opened the box and drew out a shining ruby which was sculpted like a dragon’s scale. “If it was just built, then I need to do a Master Confirmation Rite.”

Olivie nodded. “That’s right. You will have to give it a proper name too.”

“I do have one in mind. After all, the rules said I would need a device so I thought up of a few names.” With that said the boy held out the scale in his right hand before initiating the ritual and conjuring up a Belkan Triangle beneath his feet. “Confirming master: Touma Avenir. Your formal name shall be Drachenklaue, nick name Ddraig.”

“Roger.”

Immediately, the scale changed shape to fit over his right hand, wrist and part of his arm to form a red armoured gauntlet with golden spikes on the side and a green gem on top of the hand. This caused Vivio’s mismatched eyes to widen in excitement. “Cool!”

“This has been a bit overdue but congratulations on reaching the age of adulthood,” said Olivie before embracing her son. “And ‘Dragon’s Claw’ is a very appropriate name for it. Good to know that you’re getting more comfortable with learning Belkan.”

She moved back to give the boy some space to examine Drachenklaue. “I wonder if I can pull off your Shining Finger move with this device.”

“Who knows? You’ll just have to train hard and try that technique when you feel ready.”

He paused a bit before noticing a very interesting component on his device tucked away closer to the wrist section. “And is that a cartridge system there?”

“I had it built in there so in any future extreme emergencies, you can have access to a little extra power. Obviously, this system will remain locked down until I am convinced that you have physically and mentally matured enough to use such power wisely.” Olivie then gave a sunny smile. “I did add one more special feature to your device. Drachenklaue, level one please.“

The green gem glowed once before Touma felt his whole body become heavier and his magical energy drain away. “W-what is this?”

“A little something to drain your physical and magical stamina. By bearing this load, this will help to increase your growth! Ah, I wish I had something like this when I was your age but back in my day, we only had the AMF condition training in the Cradle and had to wear external weights.”

“How long is this supposed to last for?” grunted Touma.

Olivie snapped back to reality upon hearing that question. “As long as I see fit. Once you get comfortable with your current level, I’ll continue to increase the load. So how about we go outside and start today’s training?”

“Maybe you should start with Vivio first today instead of me. I just need a bit of time to get used to this new feeling.”

“Is that alright with you, Vivio?” asked the older woman.

“Sure, let’s go!”

[Gx Hero]

I noticed something between the fanfictions and the anime that often doesn't match. Barriers. In the anime barriers only contain an area so something doesn't escape, or that plus phases out non magic people, no where dose it show that it negates damage to the actual world, episode 2 of season 1 is a perfect example, however fanfic writers seem to think and write that in barriers that damage done in them dose not transfer over to the real world.

Just something I noticed.


I also wish there were more Hayate stories where she is not in high command position making mistakes or poor choices that she ends up correcting after all she is in the ground forces special investigation, plenty of opportunity for Hayate x yunno pairing. Heck she could be tracking down the book of cosplay, a lost logia that allows people to dress up and disguise themselves as other people with the mannerisms down and how they talk.

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Gx Hero

I noticed something between the fanfictions and the anime that often doesn't match. Barriers. In the anime barriers only contain an area so something doesn't escape, or that plus phases out non magic people, no where dose it show that it negates damage to the actual world, episode 2 of season 1 is a perfect example, however fanfic writers seem to think and write that in barriers that damage done in them dose not transfer over to the real world.

Canon is vague on that, but given the predominance of battle damage in A's not carrying over (which is a good thing given the amount of buildings damaged in that season) people favor the "damage doesn't carry over."

[Yasanagi]

Spoiler for Christmas KM Update:

It was only the three of them at the training courtyard at the Church that afternoon. Schach’s classes had already finished for the day so that left it free for the trio to use. Both Olivie and Vivio had changed to appropriate workout attire with the latter in her Adult Mode so she could channel higher levels of magic. As for Touma, he had started doing some warm up exercises now that he had gotten used to the limiter placed on him.

Ever since the first meeting back at the simulation arena, Vivio had devoted more of her free time towards her training in magical combat. The Strike Arts classes helped with basic physical conditioning so any time spent with Olivie was focused on learning more about the power that ran through her blood and the combat techniques used by the Belkan royalty. Considering the requirement of using high speed parallel processing to maximize the effectiveness of the style, Olivie knew that Vivio had her work cut out for her.

So to ease the younger girl into learning that style of martial arts, she started with Kaiserfarbe manipulation which is one of the key skills to master. What made it different is the way the aura manifested itself to create projectiles, shields and other effects. Instead of using a standard linking process with pre-determined formulas, emotional triggers and willpower played a larger factor in getting the magic to work.

Vivio tried to remember the words that Olivie had mentioned to her and began focusing. As she concentrated, her magical aura slowly came to life around her. ‘The part of me that leaps at every joy, that shakes when I’m scared, that hurts when I feel loss…’

“Once you have a good feel of where that energy is coming from, take control of that energy, guide it and form it into your hands. Then slowly release it,” instructed the older woman from the side.

With a small grunt, Vivio managed to start forming a small ball of magic just above the palm of her hand.

“Now try shaping it into another form.”

Another moment passed with the only sound coming from the younger girl’s hard breathing as she continued her exercises. It didn’t take long until the ball of magic dissipated and Vivio collapsed to her knees, releasing her Adult Mode. “It’s… no good!”

“Let’s take a break then.” Olivie grabbed a water bottle and handed it over to Vivio but the younger girl didn’t take it. “Vivio, what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry. You’ve been trying to teach me for so long but…”

“You’ve only been learning from Mom for two weeks. Aren’t you being too hard on yourself?” asked Touma in a curious tone from his spot.

“If Ollie-chan taught Nanoha-mama or Fate-mama, they would probably understand what she’s saying quickly,” replied Vivio glumly. “And I bet that Ollie-chan learned quickly when she was training at my age.”

Touma’s attention turned to his mother. “Is that true, Mom?”

“I guess that’s true. I do remember mastering some new special techniques at that age. The one that sticks out the most at the time is Phoenix Kicken since it’s a very fast kicking combination sequence to pull off. What made this memorable to me was my instructor telling me that I had to go ‘ATATATATATA!’ constantly while performing the move and use a ‘WA-TAH!’ when going for the finish.”

Olivie going down memory lane really didn’t improve the mood of the younger girl. “So in other words, Ollie-chan probably would have learned that quickly. Maybe I’m just not good enough to be a strong fighter. Especially if my Linker Core…”

“What do you mean?” asked Touma.

Vivio paused to remember exactly what she had been told a few months ago. “When I saw Dr. Shamal for a checkup earlier, she said that my Linker Core’s natural development had been hurt because of the forced insertion and destruction of the Relic and that my magical point maximum output had been reduced by around ten to fifteen percent. Nanoha-mama thought it had been her fault that I ended up like that.”

“Is that so?” Now Olivie at least knew why Nanoha had reacted the way she did when she approached the other woman on taking Vivio as a student. “Still you shouldn’t be discouraged, Vivio. All martial artists face all sorts of adversities and doubt themselves at many points through their life but they persevere. If you don’t give up, I know you’ll discover that deep down you’ve got the heart of a warrior.”

“How can you possibly know that? Why do you think I could possibly have what it takes?”

“Because you remind me a lot of a child I used to know who had the eagerness and drive to learn the martial arts. She has the same eyes as you and her own little handicap as well and look how she turned out,” said the older woman with a smile.

Vivio’s eyes widened and she stared at her teacher in surprise. “You…?”

“Touma, please come here.” The boy nodded and moved towards his mother before taking a firm grip of her elbows, already knowing what she would do. “Freilassen.”

Mini Belkan triangles appeared near the space just above her elbows before the limbs separated from her upper body much to Vivio’s shock. Olivie now stood in front of her with only stumps for arms. “You… had no arms?”

“That’s right. The artificial limbs here were made by my friend Myrddin based off the original idea that Jeremiah had. He really did a great job with these!” The limbs that were held by Touma matched the skin colour of the older woman perfectly and the size of her hands and fingers were also correctly proportionate to her body size. “Although, it felt really weird having arms again for a bit since I trained for years just to use kicking moves. I had to play quite a bit of catch up!”

“Do you want these back now, Mom?”

“If you don’t mind.” Touma lined up the limbs again before Olivie spoke another Belkan command to reattach them properly. “Binden.”

“… you had no arms at the beginning and yet…” Vivio got up, reactivating Adult Mode in the process before taking the same stance as before. “Ollie-chan, I’m sorry I questioned your confidence in me! I promise I won’t disappoint you and I’m going to perfect this technique if it’s the last thing I do!”

“Do your best, Vivio!”

[Van Silverlight]

who shana,lilia and diana?

[Keroko]

Stern, Levi and Dearche. They were fan names we came up with before Gears of Destiny, when they were still just Material S, L and D.

[Van Silverlight]

that yami speech sound like the guy from the great dictator movie"you people have the power to make this life beutiful!"

[Van Silverlight]

could u give me the link for generations story?

[Van Silverlight]

Sorry for not properly introduce myself,i am a new member so i really appreciate if anyone would lend me some hand in using this forum.I actually want to write a fan fiction of nanoha series,can anybody tell me where to find good sources for reference?

[Gx Hero]

wikipedia, or nanoha wiki. I also have for download some translated booklets the link below will take you there. Oh and check out the sound stages since it explains things that are not mentioned in the episodes.


Also I am willing to give advice if you need help with your fanfiction though I don't know how much help I will be. Also you can post beta chapters here for people to read and comment on. If you have a fanfiction.net account posting it on there after it has been reviewed here is probably a good ideas.


I am curious of what is the idea for your story at least.

[Van Silverlight]

Originally Posted by Gx Hero

wikipedia, or nanoha wiki. I also have for download some translated booklets the link below will take you there. Oh and check out the sound stages since it explains things that are not mentioned in the episodes.


Also I am willing to give advice if you need help with your fanfiction though I don't know how much help I will be. Also you can post beta chapters here for people to read and comment on. If you have a fanfiction.net account posting it on there after it has been reviewed here is probably a good ideas.


I am curious of what is the idea for your story at least.

i want to write a nanoha story based from my own view of how the story should go.That means i won't put the yurinism(or whatever ppl called it) in it.I will include some crossover too.For example,the character from pandora hearts,shakugan no shana,SnK,Fate zero and etc.I won't mix their story,i just some characters and adjust them for their role in my story.

This story will be original at least a large part of it (becuz some of anime episode scene will be mention in it.The main character for the first part of my story will be an original character,yuuno scrya and nanoha.I think i will make yuuno background story a bit dark,so if you got some idea about that,i;m all ears.

[Laevatein]

Originally Posted by Van Silverlight

i want to write a nanoha story based from my own view of how the story should go.That means i won't put the yurinism(or whatever ppl called it) in it.I will include some crossover too.For example,the character from pandora hearts,shakugan no shana,SnK,Fate zero and etc.I won't mix their story,i just some characters and adjust them for their role in my story.

This story will be original at least a large part of it (becuz some of anime episode scene will be mention in it.The main character for the first part of my story will be an original character,yuuno scrya and nanoha.I think i will make yuuno background story a bit dark,so if you got some idea about that,i;m all ears.

If that's your regular writing style, I suggest the first thing you do is learn proper punctuation. No offense, but stories with poor spelling, grammar and punctuation are a pain to read.

[Van Silverlight]

you right,i should do that first

[Gx Hero]

Hey I was thinking of a story idea. Basicly Lutecia Signum, and Agito are transported to a world that they have never been to and Signum is changed into a kid and agito cannot change into her smaller form and they have to go to school for now. Think about it Signum, and agito having to go to school and deal probaly for the first time everything about it in person.

[Akiyoshi]

And Lutecia will act as their guide xD?

[Gx Hero]

yep, after all who else is going to help signum and agito when the boys start crushing on them and they can't just beat the snot out of them or scare them off. In truth Signum is basicly there to be embaressed and humor relief when her stoic posture breaks down

[Akiyoshi]

Guess they can't break bones due to school rules because kid or not the knowledge to how to bring pain with a long stick is always pretty useful. Specially against normal children.

It will be fun to see Signum getting scolded and spend her afternoon in detention because she send one of her "crushes" to the infirmary xD

[Yasanagi]

Spoiler for What is with muse and KM?!:

It had been quite a roller coaster experience for Touma once the 25th Inter-Middle Tournament finally arrived.

For starters, his intense training over the following three weeks since he received his device had been helpful in allowing him to make it through the first three rounds of the preliminaries. He had been happy to see signs of progress. The fact that it made his mother proud of him was icing on the cake. But his performance simply bumped him from the Super Novice Division to the Elite Division and that meant going head to head against more experienced opponents.

Touma tried to look on the positive side being that he would be able to get a true test of his skills and get a better idea of his current limits. In the end though, his mind kept lingering on a few key facts:

First, he was up against the reigning champion Sieglinde Jeremiah who had won multiple titles in the years that she had entered these tournaments. That meant his defeat would be guaranteed and likely to be painful.

Second, said defeat would get extensive media coverage and every man, woman and child on the planet would be able to view it.

Finally, in regards to said media coverage mentioned above, they were more heavily focused on him rather than the returning champion due to the fact that male entrants in the tournament were quite rare. That meant they would be analyzing and dissecting every move he made this match and he would have to put up with reporters following him closely for some time for post-match interviews. Hopefully, he would only have to put up with the media for a few days since he was certain that they would eventually move on when the tournament progressed to further stages.

‘No, don’t focus on that now.’ His match was about to start and he had to be mentally prepared. If he kept in mind some of the last minute tips he received from his mom, he could at least demonstrate to his opponent that regardless of the gap in ability, he wouldn’t simply hand over the win to her.

“And let the fourth round prime match for Preliminary Group 1 begin!”

The first thirty seconds had been a bit of a blur for Touma. He had exchanged a few blows and had managed to soften the impact of some of Sieg’s attacks thanks to his mother’s advice so instead of being at a colossal life disadvantage, he had only lost about half of his total life points. There was some moderate bruising on his left arm thanks to the effects of the crash emulation system but he could work around that injury.

“The combat style that you are using now… who taught those techniques to you?”

His thoughts were interrupted by his opponent speaking up all of a sudden. “What are you doing?”

Sieg’s serious face then turned a bit flustered. “Ah, I’m sorry. Did I come off as too rude?”

The boy blinked in confusion. ‘The heck…? Is she trying to lower my guard? On second thought, that’s a dumb question. With the difference in strength, she wouldn’t even need to resort to such a tactic. This must be her genuine self.’ And to be honest, she is much nicer than what he had expected.

“Er, how should I say it? It’s just the fact that some of those moves you’ve made and the way you position your stance… something about you has really caught my eye, Touma-kun.”

“I caught your eye?” Touma thought about this for a bit. “So that means I have to take you out on a date after the match?”

“WHAT?! Wawawawa?!?” Media crews were having a ball getting pictures of Sieg’s embarrassed and blushing face along with her frantic movements. “W-where did you get that from?”

“That’s what Kyrie-sempai told me. If I ever caught a girl’s eye, I would have to treat them extra nice and take them out on dates and stuff like that.”

“Well, you’re misunderstanding what I said! I was referring to your martial arts! It’s your combat style that has my interest! Geez!”

Touma laughed a little. “So that’s it. Sorry about that. Back to your original question, my mom’s the one who has been training me.”

“Is that so?” Sieg took a moment to look back into her memories. She could only count a few people outside the family who learned a few techniques from the Black Jeremiah style. And she was sure none of them had the surname Avenir. Maybe one of those students married into another family and took a different surname? “Maybe…Victor’s style?”

“Is this really the time to be talking to yourself?”

A sheepish laugh came from the DSAA champion. “Sorry about that! How about we chat some more after the match? You can tell me more about your teacher and in return, I’ll give you some pointers on how you can further develop your style!”

“You really want to…?” He could hardly believe what he was hearing.

“I’m actually looking forward to it! After all, developing a new combat style and not knowing how it’ll end up… there’s something exciting about it!” Sieg seemed lost in her own little world before snapping back to reality. “So how about it?”

“I’m okay with that. I gotta check with my mom first though.”

“Fair enough. In the meantime, let’s finish this.” Touma got back into his defensive stance as Sieg launched a barrage of projectiles at him. “Gewehr Kugel.”

He dodged to the side and caught a glance of Sieg dashing towards him. With her speed, there was no way he could escape her grab range so the best he could do was try an attack of his own and mess up her timing. “Leuchtender Knöchel!”

His device engulfed itself in magic before he threw the punch but as he expected, Sieg easily caught it. “Werfen Erschlagen.” With a small grunt, she tightened her grip and took them both to the air so she could execute a powerful aerial slam attack.

“Dammit…!”

"You have nothing to regret. You came this far, right?" He hadn’t been expecting that last bit of telepathic encouragement from Sieg.

“… when you say stuff like that, there’s no way I can hate you for beating me.” That was all he could get out before darkness claimed him from the impact of the attack.

“And there’s the knockout, folks! As expected of the current Inter-Dimensional Tournament Champion!”

As she saw the medical staff come out to take Touma away on a stretcher, Sieg hoped she didn’t overdo things since the last time that happened, it took quite some time for Micaiah to recover. It was then that she noticed a young woman with blonde hair following the team and from what she could tell; the other woman had been in the boy’s corner. She probably had been acting as his second and if that’s the case…

“Um, are you Touma-kun’s mother and teacher?” From the way the other woman paused in her steps, Sieg’s assumption was correct. “I know that you want to check up on his condition but I was hoping you can indulge my curiosity about the combat style you are teaching him.”

“Perhaps another time.”

“I see.” The fourteen year old wasn’t surprised by that answer. “In any case, I hope that your son found this a very enjoyable experience!”

“… I wonder if the same can be said for you. For one who possesses generations of memories and experience, a battlefield like this is simply child’s play.”

A startled chill ran through Sieg’s body upon hearing those words as the blonde woman turned around, a look of mild disappointment on her face. It wasn’t just the words that had an impact on her but the look on the other woman’s face triggered a sense of familiarity and recognition. Her facial structure reminded her of a dear friend of her ancestor about a hundred years ago. ‘W-what is this?’

“I would have thought that as a Jeremiah, you would have more integrity and not rely on your ancestor’s experiences and memories to build your strength. But after finding out that you have been winning the championships every year that you entered, I’m not sure what to believe.”

“W-wait…!” She wanted to say something else, to explain her intentions but it felt like the words wouldn’t come out.

“Excuse me.” With that, the blonde haired woman left the arena to go check on her son, leaving Sieglinde behind.

[Akiyoshi]

A bit harsh on Sieglinde there. She not only inherited memories but experience as well, is not as if she can suddenly "shut off" all that knowledge inbued in her body who also was integral part of her growth and training since she was born. So the claimng of Sieglinde being "reliant" on that comes of as a bit exaggerated. In fact, if the flashbacks with her and Victoria are taken into account it seems that if Seiglinde had the option to "not rely" on those memories and combat experience she more likely would took the chance.

Almost as calling on Nanoha for being too good at flying xDU

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Akiyoshi

Almost as calling on Nanoha for being too good at flying xDU

Or calling out Fate and Erio for being bio-engineered magic monsters. Or the Wolks for being artificial weapons. Or Nanoha for being born with abnormal magic and talent, or- Well, you see where I'm going with this. The amount of characters who owe their power to hard work alone are rather significantly outnumbered in Nanoha.