Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Heads up.

Incognizant

Thoughts welcomed, per usual, and also particularly since I don't work with first person's POV very often. Enjoy.

Definetly a good read. Fate was really lost in that one, poor girl.

edit :I claim this page in the name of Drunk!Nanoha

Drunken Ace's! NSFW, Nanoha's POV.

Spoiler for NSFW text:

It was like any other time at Fuji's after a mission. Celebrating was somewhat of a tradition that we kept with us over the years. One of our birthdays, a promotion, o even the simple act of a mission well done that we were all involved in. That was tonight; after-mission celebration. It was a simple job, one that was taken care if in two days instead of the expected three. Hey, we were good, what can I say? So now, the top three Aces of the land, air, and sea were gathered in a drunken stupor around a small table at a bar.

We were playing paper football.

Fate held the folded triangular piece of paper between two fingers and thumped it across my line of vision and thunked Hayate on the forehead. For some reason this was really funny to me, and I had to lay my head down to control my giggles.

I ordered another drink along with you two and we shot them down in a first-time-ever contest to see who could drink the fastest. It gave me a headache but I won. I declared another round but Kuhn cut us off. He told us to go home and sleep, and when Kuhn said that, we listened. Even if we were sloppy drunk.

I grinned at Haseo and waved my hand widely over my head when he pulled around in his van. We would pick up Fate's car tomorrow, no way we would drive like this.

Once back at our division Fate and I put our arms around your shoulders and together we walked to the room I shared with my blond fiancé. We got on the bed and I grinned. Another little...celebration... after a mission was hot wild sex. I was in the mood and I knew Fate was as well from the look I was getting. So what if Hayate was there too?

Famous last words.

I don't even know how it happened. Once moment I was naked... the next moment Fate was naked...after that Hayate was naked. Three-ways were fun, I had decided. If you thought a sixty-nine was fun, hoo-boy, let me tell you something; it was nothing compared to that.

It was wild all right. Wild and wet. Did I mention wild? Fate was a screamer, and scream she did. I found out why when Hayate got a hold of me. Wow, Fate could use some serious lessons if this was how it was done properly.

As time and nature took it's toll on us we all collapsed in a heap on the bed. Well, honestly, they collapsed. I wanted more. But hey, it's okay. As we laid together panting and loosely embracing -Fate was such a snuggler!- the actions finally dawned on us.

We just had sex with Hayate.

And it was good. dang good. She was the first to laugh, soon joined in by both me and Fate. We laughed long and hard, finally dieing off when our heads hurt too much to continue.

When we woke up, it wasn't awkward or anything. We got dressed, had breakfast together quite merrily, and then split up to our different sections. I trained the forwards, Fate was probably complaining about paper work, and Hayate was doing whatever Hayate does when I'm not looking. Probably sewing cosplay outfits when she's supposed to be working.

The day ended, I had a great dinner with everyone, and we split back up. At my bedroom I watched Fate finish changing and crawl into bed to lay face down. I ,of course, rubbed her back and got a happy hum. Then she asked me what I thought about last night's actions. I simply said it was really fun and she agreed. I said it would be nice to do again sometime, and she chuckled. It was a fun experiment.

Besides, I recorded it. It was going to be really fun next time....

Though, I wonder, if I called Hayate right now...

^Inspired by Eagle's story ^ ( though hers was serious and mine isn't >.< )

Challenge: Write a short about drunk!Nanoha. (I challenge you. Yes, the one reading this right now!)

[Junkedcat]

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Heads up.

Incognizant

Thoughts welcomed, per usual, and also particularly since I don't work with first person's POV very often. Enjoy.

Inhibitions, they mean nothing when your plastered (thats what the books say...). And a Fate as dense as lead is fine too. Nice little enjoyable piece. I approve of the lack of some details. Its nice to have to only imagine something like what Nanoha was offering.

Originally Posted by Satashi

win. You, good sir, deserve a cookie. *cookie*

Yea for cookie. I shall take very good care of it.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Definetly a good read. Fate was really lost in that one, poor girl.

edit :I claim this page in the name of Drunk!Nanoha

Drunken Ace's! NSFW, Nanoha's POV.

Spoiler for NSFW text:

It was like any other time at Fuji's after a mission. Celebrating was somewhat of a tradition that we kept with us over the years. One of our birthdays, a promotion, o even the simple act of a mission well done that we were all involved in. That was tonight; after-mission celebration. It was a simple job, one that was taken care if in two days instead of the expected three. Hey, we were good, what can I say? So now, the top three Aces of the land, air, and sea were gathered in a drunken stupor around a small table at a bar.

We were playing paper football.

Fate held the folded triangular piece of paper between two fingers and thumped it across my line of vision and thunked Hayate on the forehead. For some reason this was really funny to me, and I had to lay my head down to control my giggles.

I ordered another drink along with you two and we shot them down in a first-time-ever contest to see who could drink the fastest. It gave me a headache but I won. I declared another round but Kuhn cut us off. He told us to go home and sleep, and when Kuhn said that, we listened. Even if we were sloppy drunk.

I grinned at Haseo and waved my hand widely over my head when he pulled around in his van. We would pick up Fate's car tomorrow, no way we would drive like this.

Once back at our division Fate and I put our arms around your shoulders and together we walked to the room I shared with my blond fiancé. We got on the bed and I grinned. Another little...celebration... after a mission was hot wild sex. I was in the mood and I knew Fate was as well from the look I was getting. So what if Hayate was there too?

Famous last words.

I don't even know how it happened. Once moment I was naked... the next moment Fate was naked...after that Hayate was naked. Three-ways were fun, I had decided. If you thought a sixty-nine was fun, hoo-boy, let me tell you something; it was nothing compared to that.

It was wild all right. Wild and wet. Did I mention wild? Fate was a screamer, and scream she did. I found out why when Hayate got a hold of me. Wow, Fate could use some serious lessons if this was how it was done properly.

As time and nature took it's toll on us we all collapsed in a heap on the bed. Well, honestly, they collapsed. I wanted more. But hey, it's okay. As we laid together panting and loosely embracing -Fate was such a snuggler!- the actions finally dawned on us.

We just had sex with Hayate.

And it was good. dang good. She was the first to laugh, soon joined in by both me and Fate. We laughed long and hard, finally dieing off when our heads hurt too much to continue.

When we woke up, it wasn't awkward or anything. We got dressed, had breakfast together quite merrily, and then split up to our different sections. I trained the forwards, Fate was probably complaining about paper work, and Hayate was doing whatever Hayate does when I'm not looking. Probably sewing cosplay outfits when she's supposed to be working.

The day ended, I had a great dinner with everyone, and we split back up. At my bedroom I watched Fate finish changing and crawl into bed to lay face down. I ,of course, rubbed her back and got a happy hum. Then she asked me what I thought about last night's actions. I simply said it was really fun and she agreed. I said it would be nice to do again sometime, and she chuckled. It was a fun experiment.

Besides, I recorded it. It was going to be really fun next time....

Though, I wonder, if I called Hayate right now...

^Inspired by Eagle's story ^ ( though hers was serious and mine isn't >.< )

Challenge: Write a short about drunk!Nanoha. (I challenge you. Yes, the one reading this right now!)

I repeat: inhibitions, they mean nothing when your plastered (thats what the books say...). Miss Bun Bun always seems up for some fun. I think Fate and Nanoha are the only ones who could sleep with Hayate and get away with it. and while we're at it... what exactly would Hayate be like...

[AshLikeSnow]

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Heads up.

Incognizant

Thoughts welcomed, per usual, and also particularly since I don't work with first person's POV very often. Enjoy.

Really nice piece Eagle, and well structured. A confused Fate is a cute Fate :3 lol

Originally Posted by Satashi

Definetly a good read. Fate was really lost in that one, poor girl.

edit :I claim this page in the name of Drunk!Nanoha

Drunken Ace's! NSFW, Nanoha's POV.

Spoiler for NSFW text:

It was like any other time at Fuji's after a mission. Celebrating was somewhat of a tradition that we kept with us over the years. One of our birthdays, a promotion, o even the simple act of a mission well done that we were all involved in. That was tonight; after-mission celebration. It was a simple job, one that was taken care if in two days instead of the expected three. Hey, we were good, what can I say? So now, the top three Aces of the land, air, and sea were gathered in a drunken stupor around a small table at a bar.

We were playing paper football.

Fate held the folded triangular piece of paper between two fingers and thumped it across my line of vision and thunked Hayate on the forehead. For some reason this was really funny to me, and I had to lay my head down to control my giggles.

I ordered another drink along with you two and we shot them down in a first-time-ever contest to see who could drink the fastest. It gave me a headache but I won. I declared another round but Kuhn cut us off. He told us to go home and sleep, and when Kuhn said that, we listened. Even if we were sloppy drunk.

I grinned at Haseo and waved my hand widely over my head when he pulled around in his van. We would pick up Fate's car tomorrow, no way we would drive like this.

Once back at our division Fate and I put our arms around your shoulders and together we walked to the room I shared with my blond fiancé. We got on the bed and I grinned. Another little...celebration... after a mission was hot wild sex. I was in the mood and I knew Fate was as well from the look I was getting. So what if Hayate was there too?

Famous last words.

I don't even know how it happened. Once moment I was naked... the next moment Fate was naked...after that Hayate was naked. Three-ways were fun, I had decided. If you thought a sixty-nine was fun, hoo-boy, let me tell you something; it was nothing compared to that.

It was wild all right. Wild and wet. Did I mention wild? Fate was a screamer, and scream she did. I found out why when Hayate got a hold of me. Wow, Fate could use some serious lessons if this was how it was done properly.

As time and nature took it's toll on us we all collapsed in a heap on the bed. Well, honestly, they collapsed. I wanted more. But hey, it's okay. As we laid together panting and loosely embracing -Fate was such a snuggler!- the actions finally dawned on us.

We just had sex with Hayate.

And it was good. dang good. She was the first to laugh, soon joined in by both me and Fate. We laughed long and hard, finally dieing off when our heads hurt too much to continue.

When we woke up, it wasn't awkward or anything. We got dressed, had breakfast together quite merrily, and then split up to our different sections. I trained the forwards, Fate was probably complaining about paper work, and Hayate was doing whatever Hayate does when I'm not looking. Probably sewing cosplay outfits when she's supposed to be working.

The day ended, I had a great dinner with everyone, and we split back up. At my bedroom I watched Fate finish changing and crawl into bed to lay face down. I ,of course, rubbed her back and got a happy hum. Then she asked me what I thought about last night's actions. I simply said it was really fun and she agreed. I said it would be nice to do again sometime, and she chuckled. It was a fun experiment.

Besides, I recorded it. It was going to be really fun next time....

Though, I wonder, if I called Hayate right now...

^Inspired by Eagle's story ^ ( though hers was serious and mine isn't >.< )

Challenge: Write a short about drunk!Nanoha. (I challenge you. Yes, the one reading this right now!)

Hmm, nice short sata-chan lol. Definitely a reminder that orgies are more fun when taken with alcohol haha

[Kagerou]

Well, Eagle's fic was serious and awesome, and Satashi-nyan's fic was hilarious and awesome. Thus, I will respond to the Challenge!

...later. I have to go to work. Liek nao.

[Gillian]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Definetly a good read. Fate was really lost in that one, poor girl.

edit :I claim this page in the name of Drunk!Nanoha

Drunken Ace's! NSFW, Nanoha's POV.

Spoiler for NSFW text:

It was like any other time at Fuji's after a mission. Celebrating was somewhat of a tradition that we kept with us over the years. One of our birthdays, a promotion, o even the simple act of a mission well done that we were all involved in. That was tonight; after-mission celebration. It was a simple job, one that was taken care if in two days instead of the expected three. Hey, we were good, what can I say? So now, the top three Aces of the land, air, and sea were gathered in a drunken stupor around a small table at a bar.

We were playing paper football.

Fate held the folded triangular piece of paper between two fingers and thumped it across my line of vision and thunked Hayate on the forehead. For some reason this was really funny to me, and I had to lay my head down to control my giggles.

I ordered another drink along with you two and we shot them down in a first-time-ever contest to see who could drink the fastest. It gave me a headache but I won. I declared another round but Kuhn cut us off. He told us to go home and sleep, and when Kuhn said that, we listened. Even if we were sloppy drunk.

I grinned at Haseo and waved my hand widely over my head when he pulled around in his van. We would pick up Fate's car tomorrow, no way we would drive like this.

Once back at our division Fate and I put our arms around your shoulders and together we walked to the room I shared with my blond fiancé. We got on the bed and I grinned. Another little...celebration... after a mission was hot wild sex. I was in the mood and I knew Fate was as well from the look I was getting. So what if Hayate was there too?

Famous last words.

I don't even know how it happened. Once moment I was naked... the next moment Fate was naked...after that Hayate was naked. Three-ways were fun, I had decided. If you thought a sixty-nine was fun, hoo-boy, let me tell you something; it was nothing compared to that.

It was wild all right. Wild and wet. Did I mention wild? Fate was a screamer, and scream she did. I found out why when Hayate got a hold of me. Wow, Fate could use some serious lessons if this was how it was done properly.

As time and nature took it's toll on us we all collapsed in a heap on the bed. Well, honestly, they collapsed. I wanted more. But hey, it's okay. As we laid together panting and loosely embracing -Fate was such a snuggler!- the actions finally dawned on us.

We just had sex with Hayate.

And it was good. dang good. She was the first to laugh, soon joined in by both me and Fate. We laughed long and hard, finally dieing off when our heads hurt too much to continue.

When we woke up, it wasn't awkward or anything. We got dressed, had breakfast together quite merrily, and then split up to our different sections. I trained the forwards, Fate was probably complaining about paper work, and Hayate was doing whatever Hayate does when I'm not looking. Probably sewing cosplay outfits when she's supposed to be working.

The day ended, I had a great dinner with everyone, and we split back up. At my bedroom I watched Fate finish changing and crawl into bed to lay face down. I ,of course, rubbed her back and got a happy hum. Then she asked me what I thought about last night's actions. I simply said it was really fun and she agreed. I said it would be nice to do again sometime, and she chuckled. It was a fun experiment.

Besides, I recorded it. It was going to be really fun next time....

Though, I wonder, if I called Hayate right now...

^Inspired by Eagle's story ^ ( though hers was serious and mine isn't >.< )

Challenge: Write a short about drunk!Nanoha. (I challenge you. Yes, the one reading this right now!)

when I read eagle's fic, I didn't get such thoughts, but maybe thats the thing what is different between myself and a good writer^^

the outcome is a nice and funny story

[ghazghkull]

*Drops dead from the sheer amusing stupidity of it all*

THAT WAS CUTE!!!! XD

[Momo Chan]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for TACO!:

Chapter 15 of SbtB:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3991951/15/

Enjoy~

Thank you Angel for proofing.

Awesome chapter! Very fluffy and cute ^^
Though I'm not too sure about the... naked pictures and all.
Hehe, I just realized that I'm like, the youngest one here. I just turned 15 a week ago >_>

but anyway, not matter what happens, I love this story too much to stop reading it. I look forward to the next chapter, and what Precia has to say about...what are perhaps the bills.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Momo Chan

Awesome chapter! Very fluffy and cute ^^
Though I'm not too sure about the... naked pictures and all.
Hehe, I just realized that I'm like, the youngest one here. I just turned 15 a week ago >_>

but anyway, not matter what happens, I love this story too much to stop reading it. I look forward to the next chapter, and what Precia has to say about...what are perhaps the bills.

15!? Wow......I'm 24 XD

Note about nekkid Nanoha pictures:

Nanoha in SbtB has always loved having her picture taken, and has always thought that she had a sexy body (I think I mentioned that in chapter 2-ish) and she likes people looking at her, as long as they don't touch . To Nanoha, having her picture taken is kind of like art, and she chose lingerie as her main model career for several reasons, but one of them being how "wearing poretty things can make anyone feel pretty, if jsut for themselves". So Nanoha gave Fate pervy pervy pictures for A.) She wanted to experiment with nude photos in an art sense, and B.) She wanted to give Fate something special for always going out of her way to please Nanoha. and C.) Fate is a closet pervert and Nanoha knew she would like them

But anyway, I do intend on developing on Nanoha's reasoning and thoughts about nude photographs. Remember, just because a girl is naked doesn't mean they're slutty or trashy. It is an art. An example is say, playboy magazine ( a gentleman's magazine) that shows girls naked in poses and that's it. and another magazine (sorry I don't know any other name brand porn mags lol) that shows girls doing perverted things while naked. It's not the nakedness that makes the difference, it's the atmosphere of it. Kind of like the differnce in a very pretty topless picture of Nanoha, and Nanoha in a badly done hentai doujinshi.

But yeah, I'll explain it more later.

[ghazghkull]

And now to reread your fic and give you a more thorough review of it. :3

Edit:

Alright, I've just read it, and now for my comments. *refers to notes*

First of all, the way you set up the mood, it was very much left to be desired, in my personal opinion. Even if you wanted an erotic moment, the flow of the words didn't set up a mood that could be perceived as something kinky. More so, I was getting the impression of someone's very first attempt at a lemon. Plus, the words you chose, especially at the beginning was really awkward. It doesn't flow, nor really connect. It gets a bit better as the story progresses, but on the whole, it didn't have that smooth transition throughout.

Some of the info you had given, such as Fate's personal fetish for lacy underwear, I personally believe to be superfluous. The fact it turned Nanoha on, however, was not.

Dialog....Oh boy...how do I say this....

It sucked.

It honestly sucked.

Half the time, it was just downright awkward, unnecessary, or it just doesn't follow the nature of how a person speaks. For example, when Fate said, "I'm shy," that was just out of the blue, and had no real purpose, nor would it be something that anyone would say, in that kind of situation. A more appropriate way of saying it would be, "You know how shy I am about these things," or something of the like. Some of the dialog also don't connect to one another properly that it makes me go, WTH?

Now the actual sex, very direct, and very raunchy. No offense, compared to your artistic display of Nanoha and Fate having sex, this felt more like I was looking at an ugly stain. It was somewhat kinky, but the presentation was not really graphical. You 'show' us what they're doing, but that's just it. The readers only 'see' the physical actions behind it. I personally didn't hear anything, feel anything, smell anything. One of the strongest points of anything graphical is when once can appeal to as many of the human senses as one can. I didn't get any of that, so it was really hard to fully get into it.

I'm not going to comment on the fact your theme was different, because I know you were going for a different theme, but even though you were trying something different, and you weren't using the characterization of the two from your Riot Force 6 series or the anime, the presentation could've more so follow your style. All you really would've needed to do was to lean more towards the sexy, kinky, raunchy aspects of your writer, rather than your well known romantic aspect of your writing style.

Your style on the whole is good, however, this was not. Mind you, this is from the point of view of the more serious reader. That, and I've read better lemons from you.

Well anyways, that's all from me

Shran

[krisslanza]

I shall have to read the chapters of SbtB I've been putting off due to mass stress I'm going through...
Probably save 'um for Monday. And I miiiiiight have something to upload on Monday. A pretty big 'miiiiiiiight' though.

[Satashi]

@Ghaz: Thanks for the input ^^ I think I'm going to stay with what I'm kinda used to, like my emerald story >.<

@Kriss: post dangit! <3

@Thread: So I got a review on SbtB chapter 15....

Spoiler for review:

Satashi,

The following review has been submitted to: Saved by the Bell Chapter: 15

From: Anonymous ()
-------------------

Stop dancing around the subject and just have them do it!
-------------------

.......and THAT is the reason I hesitate to post any lemons whatsoever -.- People pass over all meaning and feelings and just want them to get down and dirty. *sighs*

[Master Kosa]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Chapter 15 of SbtB:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3991951/15/

Enjoy~

Thank you Angel for proofing.

Enjoyed. Thx. Good chapter. And good luck with 300 reviews, (I don't think I'm able to write any meanigful for this one T__T) Anyway I'm lookin forward for ch 16.

Originally Posted by Momo Chan

Hehe, I just realized that I'm like, the youngest one here. I just turned 15 a week ago >_>

Not fair. I feel old.T_T

Originally Posted by Eagle8819

Heads up.

Incognizant

Thoughts welcomed, per usual, and also particularly since I don't work with first person's POV very often. Enjoy.

Hmm interesting. But somehow I didn't enjoyed it like your other fics.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Note about nekkid Nanoha pictures:

Spoiler for length:

Nanoha in SbtB has always loved having her picture taken, and has always thought that she had a sexy body (I think I mentioned that in chapter 2-ish) and she likes people looking at her, as long as they don't touch . To Nanoha, having her picture taken is kind of like art, and she chose lingerie as her main model career for several reasons, but one of them being how "wearing poretty things can make anyone feel pretty, if jsut for themselves". So Nanoha gave Fate pervy pervy pictures for A.) She wanted to experiment with nude photos in an art sense, and B.) She wanted to give Fate something special for always going out of her way to please Nanoha. and C.) Fate is a closet pervert and Nanoha knew she would like them

But anyway, I do intend on developing on Nanoha's reasoning and thoughts about nude photographs. Remember, just because a girl is naked doesn't mean they're slutty or trashy. It is an art. An example is say, playboy magazine ( a gentleman's magazine) that shows girls naked in poses and that's it. and another magazine (sorry I don't know any other name brand porn mags lol) that shows girls doing perverted things while naked. It's not the nakedness that makes the difference, it's the atmosphere of it. Kind of like the differnce in a very pretty topless picture of Nanoha, and Nanoha in a badly done hentai doujinshi.

But yeah, I'll explain it more later.

<ot>Yes there is great difference. Like some nude photos from Saudek and photos in third rated porn mags. </ot>

Originally Posted by Satashi

@Ghaz: Thanks for the input ^^ I think I'm going to stay with what I'm kinda used to, like my emerald story >.<

@Kriss: post dangit! <3

@Thread: So I got a review on SbtB chapter 15....

Spoiler for review:

Satashi,

The following review has been submitted to: Saved by the Bell Chapter: 15

From: Anonymous ()
-------------------

Stop dancing around the subject and just have them do it!
-------------------

.......and THAT is the reason I hesitate to post any lemons whatsoever -.- People pass over all meaning and feelings and just want them to get down and dirty. *sighs*

Heh it can't be helped, some folks think that way. But I think scenario - date 1 -> date 2 -> sex is not that cute like carefull dancing around fire like is shown in SbtB.

[krisslanza]

I would post more but I'm so stressed I can never write! T_T
And my mom always leaves me in a bitter mood that kills my want to write on a daily basis... /sigh

Anyway, have a good weekend everyone! See ya Monday.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Satashi

@Ghaz: Thanks for the input ^^ I think I'm going to stay with what I'm kinda used to, like my emerald story >.<

Yeah, definitely, stick with what you're good with. But on the a completely different note, here's a little something something that you readers out there might like :3

@Mods: If you feel it shouldn't be up, feel free to edit my post.

Spoiler for NSFW:

The binds only worked to further excite Subaru. Always one who preferred to let her actions speak for her, she felt her world melt around her as Tiana bathed her in nothing but sweet pleasure. Doused in an eternal fountain of heaven’s nectar, her world slowly slipped away, as her mind rose to the heavens above. Her body burned of fire, lighting up the darkness of their world.

They were their light; one who would bring them happiness in the darkness of despair, the one who would pull them up when they fell. Nothing but bliss filled their moment as sapphire and emerald gazed upon one another.

Lips fell upon one another in a lasting kiss. Filled of love like no other, they drank it whole, letting no drop if their love spill. They were their precious jewels, whom they would protect with all their heart. Nothing mattered in the world, as long as they stood by one another. The promise of eternally standing by one another was worth more than any jewel of the world.

Bathed in the brilliance of moonlight, Tiana slowly descended, her tongue never leaving Subaru’s body. Her hands lightly clawing the insides of Subaru’s thighs, her lips lightly kissed the heavenly petals of her womanhood, earning a delightful moan of her lover. Inhaling the blissful scent she loved, she placed light kisses along the entirety of the forbidden jewel that was hers and hers alone. Placing her lips upon the folds of Subaru’s womanhood, she gently prodded her with her tongue, eliciting a moan from her.

Subaru felt herself becoming nothing. Her world became nothing except for the worldly presence of Tiana’s tongue as it burrowed deep within. Her body was burning. There was nothing she could do to put it out. It was getting hotter and hotter by the minute. It was inside her, moving within. It ravaged her insides, burning everything within. She couldn’t think. There were no words. There was only the burning. It was hot, and it was only getting hotter.

@Thread: So I got a review on SbtB chapter 15....

Spoiler for review:

Satashi,

The following review has been submitted to: Saved by the Bell Chapter: 15

From: Anonymous ()
-------------------

Stop dancing around the subject and just have them do it!
-------------------

.......and THAT is the reason I hesitate to post any lemons whatsoever -.- People pass over all meaning and feelings and just want them to get down and dirty. *sighs*

Yeah...unfortunately there are those who are just interested in reading the characters having sex with one another.

[Satashi]

@ghazghkull: Did you write that bit? It's pretty good, tho I think it's a little too NSFW.... might get the hammer on that.

Random note about words I don't like in lemons NSFW:

Spoiler for Mature readers only please. NSFW:

Wo/manhood
Forbidden (something)
petals (tho flower is okay)
nectar
love juice ( I'm sorry that's just funny )
(something) rod -for a man
And for the love of all that is holy, the word "pussy". Nothing shatters a mood/makes me facepalm more than seeing that word thrown in. I tried it in dirty talking fic and I hated it but used it anyway since it was supposed to be a kink.


On the same note, I really don't like using some of the correct terminology either. for some reason I find "clit" rather dis-tasteful for some reason. "clitorious" just sounds weird, though. and some correct names may leave some people confused, as they probably have only heard certain parts called that in their science book.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Satashi

@ghazghkull: Did you write that bit? It's pretty good, tho I think it's a little too NSFW.... might get the hammer on that.

Random note about words I don't like in lemons NSFW:

Spoiler for Mature readers only please. NSFW:

Wo/manhood
Forbidden (something)
petals (tho flower is okay)
nectar
love juice ( I'm sorry that's just funny )
(something) rod -for a man
And for the love of all that is holy, the word "pussy". Nothing shatters a mood/makes me facepalm more than seeing that word thrown in. I tried it in dirty talking fic and I hated it but used it anyway since it was supposed to be a kink.


On the same note, I really don't like using some of the correct terminology either. for some reason I find "clit" rather dis-tasteful for some reason. "clitorious" just sounds weird, though. and some correct names may leave some people confused, as they probably have only heard certain parts called that in their science book.

Yup, I wrote it :3

[Momo Chan]

Originally Posted by Satashi

15!? Wow......I'm 24 XD

Note about nekkid Nanoha pictures:

Nanoha in SbtB has always loved having her picture taken, and has always thought that she had a sexy body (I think I mentioned that in chapter 2-ish) and she likes people looking at her, as long as they don't touch . To Nanoha, having her picture taken is kind of like art, and she chose lingerie as her main model career for several reasons, but one of them being how "wearing poretty things can make anyone feel pretty, if jsut for themselves". So Nanoha gave Fate pervy pervy pictures for A.) She wanted to experiment with nude photos in an art sense, and B.) She wanted to give Fate something special for always going out of her way to please Nanoha. and C.) Fate is a closet pervert and Nanoha knew she would like them

But anyway, I do intend on developing on Nanoha's reasoning and thoughts about nude photographs. Remember, just because a girl is naked doesn't mean they're slutty or trashy. It is an art. An example is say, playboy magazine ( a gentleman's magazine) that shows girls naked in poses and that's it. and another magazine (sorry I don't know any other name brand porn mags lol) that shows girls doing perverted things while naked. It's not the nakedness that makes the difference, it's the atmosphere of it. Kind of like the differnce in a very pretty topless picture of Nanoha, and Nanoha in a badly done hentai doujinshi.

But yeah, I'll explain it more later.

Oh...I think I understand now. Thanks for taking the time to explain. I wouldn't know much about the difference between that trashy stuff and true art anyway. ^^
naked pictures=naked pictures (no matter what they're for)
I know Nanoha's pictures are art, I just don't like what she does. But I guess if it's for Fate...that's something else

Yeah, I'm surprised no one else is like, a teenager. That would explain why you guys don't seem too uncomfortable with Nanoha's naked pictures, or Fate's toys...or anything else....and you write lemons, right?
*shudders and stays far away*

But anyway, none of that really matters because your fic is one of the best I've ever read. And most anticipated for. Really.
Keep up the good work.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Momo Chan

Oh...I think I understand now. Thanks for taking the time to explain. I wouldn't know much about the difference between that trashy stuff and true art anyway. ^^
naked pictures=naked pictures (no matter what they're for)
I know Nanoha's pictures are art, I just don't like what she does. But I guess if it's for Fate...that's something else

Yeah, I'm surprised no one else is like, a teenager. That would explain why you guys don't seem too uncomfortable with Nanoha's naked pictures, or Fate's toys...or anything else....and you write lemons, right?
*shudders and stays far away*

But anyway, none of that really matters because your fic is one of the best I've ever read. And most anticipated for. Really.
Keep up the good work.

Hehe, thanks ^^

I guess you're too... Young and innocent, I guess? At your age both male and female tend to see sex and stuff like that as........for lack of a better term, "hush hush topics". Same with alcohol and smoking and other things. It's not really until you get into the later end high-school or college that you realize that it's just natural. Everyone does it, so it's nothing to be embarrassed about- and I think my writing reflects that. I'm trying to keep SbtB as down to earth as I can and that includes some topics that other people avoid (struggling with addictions, curiosity, sex, ect.)

I think that as long as you keep it tasteful, it's okay to throw in things like that. I really want to develop N/F's relationship slowly. From friends to good friends to close friends, to girlfriends. and now they're hugging friends shy touching, experimenting with kissing, and intimate petting. So far almost half a year has passed, give or take. It will still be another few before they take another step.

As for Fate's toys and stuff.....Well, it's there for humor but it's also a little of her hidden personality. Fate is kind and loving, and she expresses herself through physical means because she isn't good with words. Just like her eyes were sad, how she held herself back with her past, and how she held back for Nanoha and now she's letting out her emotions the only way she knows how: To please Nanoha intimately when the proper time comes. She shows her love through her actions where as Nanoha is a word person. She will say what's on her mind, even if it's the diary, or will bake Fate something to show her feelings (playing on Fate's love for food)

But because Nanoha is new to everything, she's still shy in the romance part. Someone noticed that Fate is always the one making the moves. There's a reason for that ^.^

But Fate is mainly a comic relief at parts. Her habit of....how to say this tastefully.... Pleasing herself, also shows that she craves the touch. In a non-perverted way here. She craves someone to touch her, to feel her, to make her feel loved.

And the gigs of porn on her computer are a lie. You never saw that folder. It was hidden.

[Momo Chan]

Nope, I certainly didn't see any gigs of pr0n there.
No siree ^^

Okay! So I finally decided to take a shot at a fic, sorta thing. The type with NanoFate and Vivio and misunderstandings

Spoiler for My fic, I guess?:

“No, Vivio. We need to talk right now!” Nanoha said as firmly as she could.
“…why, Nanoha-mama? I’m so sleepy…” The six year old heterochromatic girl whined as she put her head down on the pillow in between Fate and Nanoha.
“Nanoha-mama and I got you your own room and bed. You’re six years old and you should be able to sleep by yourself now.” Fate tried to say as firmly as Nanoha.
“But what if Vivio has nightmares? What if Vivio gets kidnapped, or eaten by the monster under the bed?”
“There are no monsters under your bed. Erio-kun was just teasing you. But you’re a big girl now. You can’t sleep with Fate-chan and I forever.”
“But Fate-mama gets to sleep with Nanoha-mama every night…”she persisted.
Nanoha blushed at Vivio’s remark and was at loss for words.
“Vivio…it’s different for the two of us. You see, Fate-chan and I need our….alone time.
Now it was Fate’s turn to blush darkly.
“Nanoha! Don’t tell her things like that…”

“Vivio wants alone time with Nanoha-mama too, but Vivio puts up with Fate-mama being here.” Vivio mumbled, yawning.
“Nonono, Vivio. Fate-chan and I have a different kind of alone time and we do other things…”
“Nanoha! Stop saying things like that. Vivio might repeat them to somebody!”
“Well, that would be a good thing. Why shouldn’t we tell everyone we’re together now?”
“Because…”was all Fate managed to say.
“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed about us.”
“No, I’m not embarrassed!”
“Your beet-red face says otherwise.”
“Wha? Noooo…”
“Aw…it’s sooo cute when Fate-chan blushes…” Nanoha cooed, pulling on her cheek and stretching it to twice its size.
“Whaaa! Shtop shat Nanohash!!!!”
“Okay, okay.” She let go of her cheek, “but we shouldn’t keep us a secret anymore.”
“We can tell them…tomorrow?” Fate tried.
“Good! That’s what I wanted to hear.” Taking a pause, she looked into Fate’s eyes, “Ne, Fate-chan?”
“Hmn?”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course.”
“I want you to say it.”
“…I love you…Nanoha…” she said, turning pink from the knowledge of what was going to happen next.
“Fate-chan….”Nanoha whispered, leaning in for a kiss. As Fate tried to lean in to Nanoha’s lips, she abruptly stopped.
“What’s wrong, Fate-chan?”
“Vivio” was her only answer. Nanoha looked down to see Vivio fast asleep between the two women, snoring slightly. Fate was prevented from leaning in any closer, or else she would crush the little girl.
“She’s asleep.” Nanoha commented.
“We could…take her to her own bed…” Fate suggested.
“Let’s do that.”

And so, Nanoha and Fate took Vivio to her own bed and put her favorite giant stuffed elephant in her arms. Then they headed back to their room for that “alone time” Nanoha had been talking about.

The End

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by Momo Chan

Nope, I certainly didn't see any gigs of pr0n there.
No siree ^^

Okay! So I finally decided to take a shot at a fic, sorta thing. The type with NanoFate and Vivio and misunderstandings

Spoiler for My fic, I guess?:

“No, Vivio. We need to talk right now!” Nanoha said as firmly as she could.
“…why, Nanoha-mama? I’m so sleepy…” The six year old heterochromatic girl whined as she put her head down on the pillow in between Fate and Nanoha.
“Nanoha-mama and I got you your own room and bed. You’re six years old and you should be able to sleep by yourself now.” Fate tried to say as firmly as Nanoha.
“But what if Vivio has nightmares? What if Vivio gets kidnapped, or eaten by the monster under the bed?”
“There are no monsters under your bed. Erio-kun was just teasing you. But you’re a big girl now. You can’t sleep with Fate-chan and I forever.”
“But Fate-mama gets to sleep with Nanoha-mama every night…”she persisted.
Nanoha blushed at Vivio’s remark and was at loss for words.
“Vivio…it’s different for the two of us. You see, Fate-chan and I need our….alone time.
Now it was Fate’s turn to blush darkly.
“Nanoha! Don’t tell her things like that…”

“Vivio wants alone time with Nanoha-mama too, but Vivio puts up with Fate-mama being here.” Vivio mumbled, yawning.
“Nonono, Vivio. Fate-chan and I have a different kind of alone time and we do other things…”
“Nanoha! Stop saying things like that. Vivio might repeat them to somebody!”
“Well, that would be a good thing. Why shouldn’t we tell everyone we’re together now?”
“Because…”was all Fate managed to say.
“Don’t tell me you’re embarrassed about us.”
“No, I’m not embarrassed!”
“Your beet-red face says otherwise.”
“Wha? Noooo…”
“Aw…it’s sooo cute when Fate-chan blushes…” Nanoha cooed, pulling on her cheek and stretching it to twice its size.
“Whaaa! Shtop shat Nanohash!!!!”
“Okay, okay.” She let go of her cheek, “but we shouldn’t keep us a secret anymore.”
“We can tell them…tomorrow?” Fate tried.
“Good! That’s what I wanted to hear.” Taking a pause, she looked into Fate’s eyes, “Ne, Fate-chan?”
“Hmn?”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course.”
“I want you to say it.”
“…I love you…Nanoha…” she said, turning pink from the knowledge of what was going to happen next.
“Fate-chan….”Nanoha whispered, leaning in for a kiss. As Fate tried to lean in to Nanoha’s lips, she abruptly stopped.
“What’s wrong, Fate-chan?”
“Vivio” was her only answer. Nanoha looked down to see Vivio fast asleep between the two women, snoring slightly. Fate was prevented from leaning in any closer, or else she would crush the little girl.
“She’s asleep.” Nanoha commented.
“We could…take her to her own bed…” Fate suggested.
“Let’s do that.”

And so, Nanoha and Fate took Vivio to her own bed and put her favorite giant stuffed elephant in her arms. Then they headed back to their room for that “alone time” Nanoha had been talking about.

The End

I saw no misunderstanding there Go go happy family!

It was cute ^^