Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[hell88]

@Yosei: I don't know what it is but I have this strange feeling that I know what happenes in the next chapter, I just can't put my finger on it.

[Yosei]

Good morning all

Today I am proud to present the new arc of Let the Blood Flow, but it's not kicked off by me - it's kicked off by Hell with a guest chapter. Of course, the collaboration is nowhere near on the scale of E.S.S. nor the current experiment AkatsukiYu is doing. But it is great to see someone else's interpretation of this AU and really, there's no 'wrong' or 'right' way to interpret it anyway.

Now, I've given Hell almost complete creative freedom apart from, well, killing off Clare or things like that, and he wrote this chapter before sending it to me. So really, please review it as his work, rather than mine.

Spoiler for space:

Guest Chapter by Hell88: Chapter 17 – A New Beginning

After a long hard fight Clarice stood victorious over her opponent, her third fight, and her third win. She looked up and watched the crowd throw flowers and money at her, as the referee Rubal raised her hand in victory. "Looks like I'll be able to make you a good meal when I get home Miata." She thought as she walked out of the pit.

When she left the small arena to go back to Sutafu Academy, she noticed a sign on the door. Of course her coach never told her when her next fight was, and who it was against. She usually found out another way, the sign read Clarice vs. "Crimson" Agatha tomorrow night.

"What another fight already?" Clarice thought walking out of the door. "I can't believe this, oh well if its what all the other fighters do than I should too." She thought again trying to smile but had a hard time with her now battered lips from the last fight she was just in.

Clarice walked to the small town outside of Sutafu, where her house was, and where her young daughter had been waiting for her. When Clarice unlocked the door and went inside Miata would be right there waiting for her. "Mama!" Miata yelled overly excited.

Clarice picked up Miata. "Finally I'm home, I hope you weren't scared?"

Miata hugged Clarice. "I don't get scared."

After eating and sending Miata off to bed, Clarice heard someone knocking on the door. "Oh who could it be at this time of night?" She thought opening the front door. It was Rubal. "I hope you will be ready for your fight tomorrow. Agatha is no push over like the other three that you have fought."

"What if I lose…?" Clarice asked.

"Well, it will be the same for any other new comer, your gone from the academy." Rubal said. "Oh and before you leave, Rimuto might not make it back in time to call your fight, which means it will probably be me again."


*


The next day.

Clarice left her house with Miata still their saying good bye and good luck. She walked to Sutafu arena with an uneasy feeling, of course she was nervous about any fight, but she didn't have any idea what this Agatha could do. She had never even heard of her before.

She walked into the change rooms and changed into her tight black clothing that everyone had to wear win they went into a fight. She taped up her rists and headed to the pit. When she got their she saw a pale woman with dark red hair walking into the pit ahead of her. "Oh you must be Clarice?" She said.

"Hello are you Agatha?" Clarice asked.

"Shut up bitch! I'm not here to make friends with you." Agatha screamed.

Already Clarice had felt uneasy with that last statement.

Rubal had called for the opening bell, and both fighters went into they're gaurd positions. Clarice moved in first with a left jab, but Agatha did a cross jab so fast that it stopped Clarice from attacking and she backed up.

Clarice went back in and went for a power jab with her right, this time Agatha ducked and uppercut her right in the mid section, Clarice let out an agonizing sound of pain just before Agatha went up and gave her a powerful over hand punch right to just above her left eyebrow.

"Damn she's fast." Clarice thought wiping blood away from her eye.

Now it was Agatha who moved in on Clarice, Clarice got nervous and went for a left hook, that opened up her gaurd fast enough so Agatha could get a combo in on her. First she cross jabed Clarice, then hit her with a left hook of her own when Clarice dropped her fists. Agatha ended her combo of punches with an uppercut right to the jaw, then did another one to Clarice's nose.

Clarice spit out blood as she backed up to the pit wall. She had a hard time looking out of her now swolen black eyes, but once she did all she could see was Agatha sneek in a right elbow to the side of her head. Clarice tried ducking but it got her just above the right ear, it almost knocked Clarice over so Clarice tried getting up and uppercutting Agatha. Agatha stepped back and hit her with a right hook, and rocked her back with a left, Clarice got dizzy and dropped her fists again, now she got rocked back and fourth by both of Agatha's hooks.

Until Clarice went limp, she fell backwards not knowing what was going on anymore. The fight should have ended right then and there, but for some reason Rubal didn't stop it. "Now you'll know why my name is Crimson Agatha!" Agatha yelled getting on top of Clarice and punching her across the face.

Rubal finally called the fight and yelled to the crowd. "Your winner is Crimson Agatha!"

Agatha laughed and got off of Clarice's almost dead body. "Someday I'll be world champion!" She yelled.

Rubal grabbed Clarice and threw her out of the pit at the medical staff. "Get her out of here I have another fight to call." Rubal said smiling at what had just happened.


*


After Clarice had slowly got up and looked in a mirrior in the back of the change rooms. "She really messed me up." Clarice thought looking at her bloody and bruised face. She walked home holding her stomach with one hand and dragging her bag with all her stuff in the other, that punch to the stomach really hurt. Then she remembered something. "Oh no I have to pay rent tomorrow and I didn't make any money from that fight, now I'm going to be kicked out because of how I didn't pay the last time too."

She walked in her house and saw Miata waiting for her. "Did you win mama?" Miata asked.

"I'm sorry Miata I couldn't win for you, I won't be able to make you any dinner tonight." Clarice said wiping tears off of her face.

The next day came in a hurry, and soon enough they were kicked out and Clarice had to go find work somewhere else. She grabbed a hold of Miata and they left Sutafu with only a few things. First Clarice went to Darene Academy where she was laughed at when she walked in, she new right away not to stay their when she met the one coach. Apparently that coach kicked out any fighter that would lose just one fight.

Another Academy was called the Abysal Academy, owned by a man with long hair called Easily the current Lightweight World Champion. He apparently had the current World Featherweight Champion Priscilla training here now. He had some other strong fighters training their as well they're names were Rigaldo, Dauf, Riful, and Lucielia.
"Alright if you can last five minutes against Lucielia then I'll take you on. If you lose your no use to me." Easily said taking Clarice to his sparring pit.

Clarice looked at Lucielia, she looked beautiful. "Wow she fights?" Clarice thought.
"Hey!" Lucielia yelled. "Easily tells me you've trained at Sutafu, thats where my sister Raphaela fights. I was kicked out of Sutafu because I tried to kill her."

"Raphaela was the one that trained me before she dissapeared." Clarice said putting her fists up.

"Oh well then I guess you won't be to hard to beat then." Luciellia said now sucker punching Clarice.

Clarice tried a right power jab, but then Luciellia did a right loop punch twice to Clarice's jaw and knocked her out.
When Clarice woke up she was outside the building and on the ground. They obviously wanted nothing to do with her. She got up and took Miata to somewhere else. Her next and last stop was called an academy in Pieta.

When Clarice woke up she was outside the building and on the ground. They obviously wanted nothing to do with her. She got up and took Miata to somewhere else. Her next and last stop was called an academy in Pieta.

It was getting late and Hilda was closing up, only until Clarice walked in holding Miata. Hilda looked at her.

"Can I train here? I can already fight." Clarice said.

Hilda looked depressed when Clarice asked that. "I'm sorry but you can't."

"Why not?" Clarice asked.

"Because after both of my fighters both lost they're fights, there was no one to use any money from any winnings to save this place." Hilda said not looking at Clarice.

"But why were you still here?" Clarice asked again.

"I was given ten days to move all of my things out, now I'm leaving, I'm sorry I can't help you." Hilda said sadly leaving Clarice.

"Thanks anyway." Clarice said feeling sorry for Hilda.

"Where are we going now mama?" Miata asked.

Clarice looked up at the sky. "I know of one more place."


*


Galatea smiled at her students, they were all training so hard. After Clare beat Irene in the champion carnival, Galatea felt greatly in Clare's chances in bare knuckle boxing now.
Jean was holding the sand bag while Clare was hitting it, her punches were getting stronger and faster. Clare had told Irene about Teresa, and Irene was now helping Teresa around the house. Clare still had the moment in her head of Irene when she walked in the front door with her, Teresa's eyes lit up and she looked young again, well almost. Teresa hurried to Irene hugging her, asking her where she had been for all these years. Teresa kept saying the same thing. "Right here taking care of my daughter Clare.” Now sometimes when Teresa would go to sleep Irene would take Clare out back and teach Clare her flash strike technique.

"A very powerful and fast technique." Clare thought.

Clare used it on the sand bag when no one but Jean was watching, she sent Jean and and the sandbag flying, at least six feet. "Jean are you okay?!" Clare yelled helping her friend up.

"Yeah I'll be fine." Jean said wondering what Clare just did. "What was that just now?"

"Oh that last punch, don't tell anyone but it was the flash punch." Clare said whispering to Jean.

Jean talked back in a low voice. "What how did you learn that?" She asked.

"You remember Irene? She lives at my house now and she has been teaching me it. Please don't tell Galatea or anyone else, I'm keeping it a secret." Clare whispered again.
Jean smiled. "I won't tell anyone, but I would like to meet Irene again. Not to learn that technique though, just to talk."

Clare had a thought, if Jean comes home with me she'll see Teresa too, I'll have to get her not to tell anyone about her either." Clare thought. "Well you can come over to my place after training I guess." Clare said not knowing if this was the right thing to do.

"Alright everyone!" Came Galatea's voice. "I think we'll close early again and I'll give all of you some more rest, you all had some rough fights this past week and I'm very proud of everyone. Get out of here and take it easy for the rest of the day."

After everyone had left, Cynthia stayed with Galatea. She put her hands on Galatea's waist. "Now were finally alone." Cynthia said looking into Galatea's eyes.

"Oh Cynthia you know I didn't do this for you, but I guess this is how you like to relax isn't it?" Galatea asked now smiling.

Then they heard the door open behind them and a voice of a young woman. Galatea and Cynthia let go of each other quick hoping no one would find out about them.

"Excuse me." A brown haired girl asked.

"What can I do for you?" Galatea asked the girl.

"My name is Clarice, I want to train here." Clarice said noticing Galatea smile all the sudden.

"Why do I always get people that want to train here?" Galatea thought. "Alright do you know how to fight?"

"Yes I trained at Sutafu. They kicked me out after I lost to a woman called Crimson Agatha."

"You lost to Agatha, I know her. I had to fight her once, I beat her, but she is tough." Galatea said. "Okay then since you already know how to fight I'll be putting you against Cynthia here right now. Last a minute with her and your in, if you don't, your out."

Cynthia and Clarice walked into the pit, Galatea called for the fight to start while pressing her stop watch. Clarice went for an uppercut right away, Cynthia moved back and gave her a right hook, it connected and Clarice felt her body go a little limp right there. She shook her head and came back swinging as Cynthia ducked all of her punches she came back with an uppercut and slammed it just under Clarice's chin. Clarice moved back and Cynthia hit her with a power jab right in to Clarice's right eye, Clarice fell back knocked out. Galatea told Cynthia to stop.

"How did she do?" Cynthia asked.

"She didn't make it, she only needed one more second." Galatea said shaking her head.
Clarice walked out after holding Miata's hand, she still had her gear on. "Were will we go now?" Miata asked. Clarice couldn't look back at her. "I don't know." She said starting to cry.

Jean and Clare walked around the block, it was getting late now and Clare said she would walk with Jean back to her place. Not only was Jean excited about being able to see Irene again, but once she found out that Teresa was Clare's mother she thought she was dreaming. She even got Teresa's autograph.

"Clare why didn't you say anything to anyone about her being your mother? I bet Galatea would have made you her star fighter." Jean said waiting for Clare to answer.

"Jean you can't say anything about her being my mother or how Irene is training me on the side. I don't want anyone to know yet. Promise me you won't say anything." Clare said hoping Jean wouldn't tell anyone.

"I promise you Clare, I won't say a word. It will be like I never even knew." Jean said putting her hand on Clare's shoulder.

They turned the corner and saw a young woman wearing boxing clothes like the ones Clare and Jean would wear when they were going to train or fight. She had a little girl sitting with her on the pathway they were walking on.

"Excuse me, but are you a fighter?" Jean asked.

"Yes." Clarice said not looking at Jean directly.

"We are too." Clare said which made Clarice look at her.
"You wouldn't mind if I asked you where you train would you?" Clarice asked.

"We’re from Rabona Academy." Jean said which only made Clarice seem more sad. "Whats wrong?"

Clarice looked at both of them. "Well I lost a fight and was kicked out of Sutafu, then I went to a few other places and didn't make it in. I just came from Rabona Academy, I didn't make it in, and thats the last academy I know about. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? This is my daughter Miata, fighting and winning money was how I would take care of her, now it seems were just going to be living on the streets." Clarice said wiping the tears off her face.

She reminded Clare of Teresa when she would fight to take care of her when she was a child. "Hey my names Clare, and this is Jean, and I'm going to get you into Rabona Academy." Clare said noticing Clarice's change in expression all the sudden.

"Really? You can do that? My name is Clarice and I would be honoured if you could. I don't care if I'm the lowest ranked I just need a place to fight for so I can make some money." Clarice said crying and getting up to shake Clare and Jean's hands.

"Do you have a place to stay tonight?" Jean asked.

"Well no, I was hoping I could be in an academy by now and they would help me with that." Clarice said. "Thats what happened when I was in Sutafu.”

"Come with me you can stay at my apartment tonight." Jean said.

"Alright then lets all meet back infront of Rabona Academy tomorrow." Clare said going back to Teresa's place while Jean walked with Clarice and Miata to her place.


*


The next morning Clare met Jean standing with Clarice and Miata at the front doors.
"Well here we go." Clare said as she brought them inside.

Galatea was sitting in a small office, she was filing contracts from the last few fights, and she got two letters from Miria and Flora, apparently they wanted in Rabona. Galatea was excited about this, she saw them fight in the champions carnival and liked what they could do. To have them join would be a great asset, her expression changed however once she saw Clare walk in to her office with Clarice. Jean was outside playing with Miata.

"Now what is this? I told you, you didn't make it in" Galatea said pointing at Clarice.

"You have to let her in." Clare said getting Galatea's attention. "Fighting is all she knows and its the only way she can make money to take care of her daughter."

"She's a terrible fighter, she won't make it here." Galatea said making Clarice look at her.

"Please let me fight for you, I don't care If I'm the lowest ranking fighter here, I just need to make some cash and quick." Clarice mumbled trying to hide tears.

"She has nowhere to go and can already fight, I'm sure with your training she could make it." Clare said before Galatea cut her off.

"Enough!" Galatea said looking down, she looked back at Clare and Clarice. "I don't know how you do it Clare, I'll let her join, but I'm not training her. I'll leave that up to you, Clare if you can get her to last against Cynthia for one minute then I'll train her.”

A smile showed up on both Clare and Clarice's faces. "Thank you." Clarice said leaving her office with Clare.

Clarice hugged Clare once they got into the hall. "Hey don't be so happy, its good that I got you in here but now I'm going to train you myself and make it so that Galatea will look at you like the others here. You might want to find a place for your kid to stay as well, she can't be here all the time." Clare said happy about how she just got Clarice in.

"I'll help her train as well." Jean said.

"Thank you so much for helping me, I won't let the two of you down. Is it okay if I stay with you a little longer Jean? You know just until I have money to find my own place." Clarice asked.

Jean smiled at her. "You can stay for a little."

"Alright what are we standing around talking for? We have work to do." Clare said ready to start another day of training.

Have fun.

[ghazghkull]

Yosei, I'm sorry to say this, but this chapter was horrible.

English-wise, I have no problems, but your presentation was absolutely horrid. The way you had Clarice going from one thing to the next, although reasonable, it's not well executed. Your wording was choppy, and your transition, like i said, was just as choppy.

In terms of Clarice, I felt that you should have given us a better presentation of what was happening in Clarice's mind. I mean honestly, when you're a fighter without a sponsor of any sorts, and on top of that a single mother who's only means of earning money at this point is to fight, it's going to do some harsh things to her mind, especially if she ends up being rejected by all the schools in succession. I mean she went through at least 4 or 5 schools, and one after another she's being rejected. There is going to be some mental trauma on her part, to the point that when she's asking Galatea for a chance to join the school, she's getting desperate.

In essence, you're just giving us a 2-dimensional picture of what's happening to her. Your previous chapters, such as the fight between Clare and Flora, had a deeper, more 3-dimensional feel to it. I felt that I could see the pain, the conflict between the two of them as they fought it out in the ring before Clare took over and finished it.

This chapter in general felt very 2-dimensional. There's streamlining, then there's just a hack-job. This felt a lot like a hack job. Even Clarice's home life could have been much more thought out, and more in depth. Mind you, I might have missed some things, but it would be nice if we could get a clear idea of what's happening in her home life. Heck, when she's out looking for a new place to train at, it would help a lot more to connect with Clarice, as it were, if we were to see how all this traveling from one school to the next was affecting Miata, and how Clarice is struggling to deal with her inability to fight really well, and to keep Miata fed every day.

Remember, a parent's first priority goes to their child. Their child's needs come before their own, so it would've added a lot more depth and feel to this chapter to see Clarice struggling to see to it that Miata always got the better share of whatever she could scrape together with whatever remains of her savings.

Now in terms of your actual presentation, like I said it's really, really choppy. You were just jumping from one thing to next. It didn't feel like this was an even line at all. It felt as if you wrote the scenes all on different sheets, and then just took it all together and slapped it together, rather than trying to bring it all together. I felt like I was in a storm of paragraphs, rather than a flowing river of a chapter.

Again I apologize, but this is not one of your best chapters.

[hell88]

@ghazkgull: Thanks for the review. If you noticed it wasn't Yosei that made this chapter, anyway I know what your talking about, but you'll realize that the chapters I write for Yosei are more like fillers. I know what your talking about, but when I was writing that chapter I felt there was no need to add all that extra stuff, and like in the manga they don't really say what happens to the characters when they are traveling, and thats what I went by.

Oh and Yosei don't forget to post the character bios. Lol

See told you guys I knew what was going to happen but did anybody listen?:heh

[Yosei]

Aw ghazgkull please go easy on Hell.

He really did his best. Let's just chalk it up to different writing styles - and if you really feel some heavy-handed criticism is necessary, a PM could help too.

Of course, the task of a reviewer is to post publicly the comments. But on someone else's debut chapter, not too encouraging for the writer, even if it is a filler chapter...

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by Yosei

Aw ghazgkull please go easy on Hell.

He really did his best. Let's just chalk it up to different writing styles - and if you really feel some heavy-handed criticism is necessary, a PM could help too.

Of course, the task of a reviewer is to post publicly the comments. But on someone else's debut chapter, not too encouraging for the writer, even if it is a filler chapter...

Oh....oops...my bad @.@

[Yosei]

Yeah I didn't actually write the chapter. I'll be honest, I don't regret it at all. Hell and I agreed that he would give it a go, he did his best, and I posted it up, that is good enough for me.

But of course, your criticism, given its honesty and its detail, is completely legitimate. It might be something Hell needs to rethink next time he sets off to work? I dunno.

[AkatsukiYu]

It's no longer an experiment Yosei remember? What you did was a success. It's now called a project I'm just looking for more people.

[Yosei]

Ah, I see.

Now here are short blurbs on the protagonist and supporting characters. And one character who proved quite popular several chapters ago will also be asserting a very significant presence in this arc...

Spoiler for space:

Post-Champion Carnival Profiles (main characters only)


Clare: Nicknamed “Flashcutter”, she is the heir to the boxing legends Teresa and Irene. She seeks to avenge Teresa’s defeat at the hands of Priscilla, the current Featherweight World Champion. The current Featherweight Continental Champion, she trains at Rabona, and has become the most powerful boxer there, alongside Cynthia.

Cynthia: The current Lightweight Continental Champion, Cynthia is Galatea’s protégé and lover. A former prostitute with a gentle spirit, her devotion to Galatea is her greatest strength.

Helen: A hot-headed boxer at Rabona Academy. Loyal to her friends and fiercely proud of her skill. Her special technique is the Ironhorse Smash. Her main rival is Miria.

Deneve: Helen’s cool and calm counterpart at Rabona, Deneve is ambidexterous and possesses a formidable defence. Her main rival is Undine.

Jeane: Clare’s best friend and a master of corkscrew punching, earning her the nickname of Drill Strike. In all practicality she is stronger than Clare in many respects, but is currently ranked lower than her.

Galatea: Boxing coach at Rabona Academy. Witty and sarcastic, she has borne witness to the birth of an immensely strong fighter… seeking to draw out Clare’s potential, she cooperates with Irene and Teresa to help Clare reach her full potential.

Irene: The former Continental Champion, Irene has been reunited with her old rival Teresa, and now resides at her cottage with Clare, where she spends her days in retirement from bare-knuckle boxing. Her task now is to teach Clare everything she knows, including her feared Flash-Strike, in order to prepare her for the World stage.

Teresa: Clare’s adoptive mother and the former World Champion, Teresa is now only a physical shadow of her former self since her defeat at Priscilla’s hands. She loves Clare deeply and cannot bear to see her boxing. Her dream was that someday, a true warrior would rise as World Champion and transcend all others, but now that Irene has identified Clare as that fated fighter, Teresa is not so sure if she wants her dream to come true…

And to supplement Hell's chapter, these are the profiles of the new characters he had introduced into the AU.

Spoiler for space:

Clarice. Clarice trained at Sutafu Academy, a loving mother during the day and a bare knuckle boxer by night. She started training because she desperately needed money to take care of her daughter Miata. She had a few fights, and was successful. Until her forth fight when she had to take on Crimson Agatha, Clarice stood no chance and was beaten in less than a minute. Now after being kicked out of Sutafu Academy, she seeks out somewhere else to train, after failing at every attempt and being called a failure by every academy she goes to, and just by coincidence Clarice meets Galatea, and Galatea gladly accepts her into Rabona Academy.


Lucielia: Lucielia formerly trained at Sutafu Academy, she is a quick and strong fighter, along with her beauty she does not look like a fighter, outside of fighting people usually mistake her for a model. She was forced to leave Sutafu when she took things to far in a sparring fight with her sister Raphaela. After knocking out her sister she kept on attacking her moslty her left eye, now damaging her sisters vision. Lucielia now trains at the Abysal Academy for Easily and several other fighters that came from Sutafu long ago.

[hell88]

@Yosei: Cool you finally put the bio's that I made up on here.

Something I forgot to mention, never say your fic is on a lower scale than E.S.S. I think E.S.S. is on a much lower scale than your story.

[Tempest35]

Hnnnn, Hell's chapter isn't a failure...it's just the basic outline. b Well, by my standards, it's an outline All he needs to do is to keep adding in details. Hell can see what he's writing out in his own mind, but we, the readers, need help with that so he needs more descriptions to help us see what he sees.

That's all I'll say on it.

[weirdo487]

i know I'm a little late on this one (been busy cause of classes ) but what ever happened to E.S.S.???? someone was gonna write something on it but the chapter never (to my knowledge at least) appeared.

[ghazghkull]

Originally Posted by weirdo487

i know I'm a little late on this one (been busy cause of classes ) but what ever happened to E.S.S.???? someone was gonna write something on it but the chapter never (to my knowledge at least) appeared.

ESS? What's that supposed to stand for now?

BTW was there any Flora stories that have been floating around that I've missed?

[AkatsukiYu]

I read one on fanfiction.net... It was not very good at all. It's a Flora x Sailor Moon. I give my praise to the author for writing it, but the fic sort of make me cringe :S

I suppose you can consider my novelty to be a Flora fic, which is yet to be posted and is delayed.

[Yosei]

And I thought my pairings were weird.

[shelter]

@ghazghkull:
I see that you really took apart Hell's story. Some of your criticisms are justified, but well, presentation wise it was still acceptable.

Also about the Flora fic, I'm trying to write a ficlet, to make up for my botched up effort previously.


@Hell:
I personally just felt uncomfortable at the way Clarice was being moved around from point to point & situation to situation without much detail. Miata seemed a bit of an accessory. It would've been more focused if you began with the Agatha fight, & perhaps ended it with Clare's accepting Clarice. All the while, you could obscure the reasons for Clarice's determination, & then reveal Miata right at the end. It sounds a bit weird, but it would relieve the pain of Clarice being pulled in 2 sides: to career & her role as a parent.

[Tempest35]

Y'know what Yosei? I believe we completely forgot an important element in the last story in the bout between Irene and Clare - where in the world is the crowd at the end? lol They would have been screaming the roof down when Irene and Clare exchanged their final blows....

Hnn, let me copy n paste that particular manuscript and let me play with it for a few hours? ?

[weirdo487]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

ESS? What's that supposed to stand for now?

well it stands for the same thing it always did which is epic soul searching.
it was and probably still is (at least to my knowledge) the biggest group effort on this forum. there were about four of us writing bits for it long ago.

But seriously what ever happened to it??? and where have bishou and mikke gone off to???

[Yosei]

Originally Posted by Tempest35

Y'know what Yosei? I believe we completely forgot an important element in the last story in the bout between Irene and Clare - where in the world is the crowd at the end? lol They would have been screaming the roof down when Irene and Clare exchanged their final blows....

Hnn, let me copy n paste that particular manuscript and let me play with it for a few hours? ?

You just do that.

I spent my writing time with AkatsukiYu's assigned arcs yesterday, so the boxing chapter has been slightly delayed. But I think it will be up today or tomorrow.

[Tempest35]

Spoiler for For Yosei. :):

It has been a long time since I greeted the world with so little rest. Many years ago, it was Teresa who would bring me sleepless nights. But this day was… different.

I raise myself, brushing back my hair, and gently rubbing the drowsiness out of my eyes. I glance at the mirror on my wall, then glide out of my humble room.

It is time to ride to Bordeaux. I have a Championship title to defend.

Yet, my reflections, my own thoughts, and my own worries are my greatest enemy now.

Clare… the future World Champion that Teresa had foretold…

To what lengths must I go to fulfill that damn woman’s dream…?

I let those thoughts subside. I will deal with them later. Today, I have determined, shall be my greatest and final battle.

The hope of Teresa’s legacy is on my shoulders.

*


She looks as young and naïve as when I first met her.

She does not glare at me, nor does she smile. She simply looks at me. We descended into the pit together, side by side, although neither of us spoke. It seemed as if we had already expressed what needed to be expressed. I ignore the crowd, although it is large – very large. So large that I’m slightly irritated. I’d rather box Clare alone, have a few words with her to myself. But this is bare-knuckle boxing, and I am used to this… demeaning of warriors.

Oh, Clare. You have no idea how deeply Teresa loves you.

She cautiously advances. She knows of my reputation. My so-called “Flash-Strike”. Very well. If you all wish to see it – I unhesitantly give it to her – a powerful, heavy jab that sends her flying across the pit. She slams into the wall, despite having guarded immediately after I launched my fist. That is already impressive enough. She scrambles up, unable to believe what I did. So I calmly jab at Clare’s face again, sending the younger woman crashing to the ground again, rolling back for several feet, before coming to a painful, lurching stop.

I suppose she’s never experienced such a punch before. But that she survived it, is astonishing. The beauty of the Flash-Strike is that one blow is sufficient to knock one unconscious.

Yet, she stands, again although she is shaken. Her coach, young Galatea, looks shocked as well, though she hides it well. You have come far since leaving Sutafu, Galatea. I will never tell you this, but I am proud of you. You have an adventurous spirit that Sutafu has lost.

I am more astonished at the fact that she withstood my punch! I can hear the crowd praising my name in awe as Clare struggles forward, only to meet another jab from me that breaks her nose. Fools. They are of a younger, less educated generation. They were after my time. They have never borne witness to Teresa.

There was no other word for her boxing. It wasn’t infighting. It wasn’t outfighting. It wasn’t defensive. It wasn’t offensive.

It was, simply put, perfection.

Clare tries desperately to close the gap between us, her famous “Flashcutter” fists slicing at the air, narrowly missing my hair. One narrowly misses my chin. I begin to wonder – perhaps I should not hold back anymore? I send a cross her way, testing her reflexes. They are below standard. She was unable to catch or evade it, and her chin cracks. Unfortunate. I cannot ease my assault, for I must draw out her skill to their fullest extent. Another combo from me, this time aimed at her temple, then her liver. She doubles over, barely able to move. She could not even see me thrust my fist forward.

In time, Clare… you will learn to detect the small things, just as Teresa was able to. She could read an opponent’s body like a child’s book. We were all powerless against her, for she was a ventriloquist, and we were puppets. It was as if her very presence animated us to move, and when we moved, she reacted – with devastating power.

That is why Teresa was invincible, Clare. She understood not simply bare knuckle boxing, but the human body, as an integrated whole. And like so, she could dismantle it, like a carpenter dismantles his own creations.

She dismantled all of us.

Clare’s face is bleeding, and she is exhausted. But she has not lost her temper. She has not attempted any wild punch that would ensure her defeat. On the contrary, her punching is growing sharper, and if I do not raise the stakes, she may hurt me more than I can withstand.

To grow stronger in adversity… is perhaps the most enviable quality of all, Clare.

Part of me desperately hopes that you will be the woman who can topple Priscilla and restore Teresa’s name. In that sense, I want you to trample me to the ground. I want you to strike me, strike me until I cannot fight back, and until I collapse on my knees in agonized surrender, just as I did to Teresa when I first challenged her. Of course, I cannot simply let you win, for I have been entrusted to push you to your highest limit, to your breaking point. Only then, can I know if you are worthy to carry on your mother’s legacy.

I chastise myself as Clare’s jab manages to hit my face. I wince. I must stop this train of thoughts. Guilt will lead me nowhere. I try to regain my rhythm, calmly weaving through her powerful hook, countering with a cross –

She hits me first, her counter in the form of a swifter jab. I feel my hands involuntarily raise themselves as she begins to cut into me, pushing me gradually into the corner of the pit. Her control of the field is impressive. It should have taken her years to learn how to control the spatial dimensions of the pit, yet she can pressure even me.

I can’t praise her any longer, because my mind has gone blank. Only for a moment. Then I see blood.

Clare has smashed into my face. With what punch, I do not know.

I cannot help my surprise. This… Flashcutter…. what is this technique? I feel my head throbbing uncontrollably. I retaliate calmly, and she falls down yet again to my Flash-Strike. But to my astonishment, she rises, as if I had merely flicked her with my finger. She swings again, and I feel her knuckles striking my cheekbone. I recoil, staggering, and she advances, presuming to finish me.

Your temerity is infuriating.

Almost as infuriating as Teresa’s.

She hurls her body against me, trying to plow past my own punches. A good strategy against others, but pointless before me. Another Flash-Strike bashes her away, but already she has become accustomed to the force of my killing blow, and rather than sprawling along the ground, she merely staggers back several feet.

Not bad.

Teresa… what would you have me do? If you were watching now… would you hate me for hurting your daughter so? Would you hate me for fulfilling your dream by using her power?

I feel a sharp pain in my liver. Clare has punched below my guard and into my stomach. I have underestimated her speed. It truly is fast – capable of exceeding mine. But not yet. I counterattack calmly, this time aiming for her face.

I cannot let this continue. I will stop her now, for this fight has gone on long enough.

I shoot out my cross, thrusting forward my entire body as a flash of light. Unstoppable, uncatchable, unpredictable. I will end it all with this.

My eyes widen in utter shock, and I feel her fist hurling my head to the side. I spit out blood. Flashcutter – again?! Is her fist truly that well-timed enough to throw my Flash-Strike off? I’ve clouted her around the face, once, twice – yet she presses on, smashing into me with another liver blow. I feel three of my ribs neatly snap. Why.. why can she resist me… like an equal…?

I cannot understand. Not only can she stand up after eating my Flash-Strike; how could she have slipped past, let alone countered it? Did she predict it…?

Is… she is beginning to…

Perceive my movements?

…Teresa…

As I feel my knuckles in her face again, I find myself grinning wildly despite myself. All semblance of calm has been thrown aside as I enter into a trance, the trance of my bout with a Teresa of ten years ago. I can no longer look at this one like any ordinary foe. I am tired of simply defending my Championship. I am tired of this summit. Let me struggle! Let me grapple with someone worthy of Teresa’s power! Forgoing the use of my Flash-Strike, I resort to using my own honed skills, throwing punch after punch, forcing Clare on the defensive. But she no longer blocks – she slips, weaves, bobs, parries – even tentatively counterattacking. Such courage, such sharp instincts, such honed reflexes! She defies me, just as Teresa defied me. We glare at each other, and we strike one another again and again and again, the impacts of our fists thundering through the pit, louder to us than the stomping and roaring of our rabble audience.

Good… we will both defy each other then; we will raise ourselves up to the summit by our own ambition, and our own hubris.

Perhaps I am being unrealistic. I am badly hurt, this I know. She’s pushed me to the edge of the pit. Not just her speed. Her physical endurance is…preternatural. But she is also tiring, her eyes are growing dimmer, despite her predicting my movement. We both know, as one as we are with each other in our struggle, an end must always come. I can barely stand, my ribs are creaking with every breath. And Clare’s face… I can barely recognize the poor girl.

I feel the end approaching for us and despite my body’s condition, I remain smiling. Whatever becomes of this last exchange, I am happy. I set myself ready to launch what felt to be my last attack and I see her doing the same, her body becoming taunt and ready, all focus pouring into the decisive moment awaiting us.

Fight on Clare, for you ... are the future that Teresa, and I, have dreamed of.
I must have imagined it, that acknowledgment in her eyes. That burning affirmation that stirs my soul.

My journey as ‘Champion’ may have come to an end, but my duty to Teresa still remains and the journey to train you as best I can has only just begun. For there is a thing that you must learn that lie beyond technique and training…

... And that “thing” is...the ‘soul of a warrior’.

The path that can only go forward.

Wordlessly, I shoot out my final Flash-Strike, holding nothing back, as my weary body and soul screams in its release. I do not know if this attack will kill her.

I pray it does not.

She responds with her own Flashcutter. Our fists meet… then brush past one another. Will hers meet my face first? I cannot tell.

We have both staked our fates on this. That is all. Even so…thank you, Clare. I truly thank you for this fated day, for this glorious match - for this very moment.

*


Clare felt as if her entire body had exploded in exquisite pain. Her world blurred as she felt herself crashing to the ground, sprawling once again. She had fallen many times now, and she even though she was able to rise before, she was not sure if she could rise from this one. Irene’s last Flash-Strike was truly superhuman. It had felt as if she had been struck by a goddess, angry at her daring to usurp her from her throne on high. Yet… I… cannot fall here… not now.

She was so close. Her ears pounded loudly, dimly registering Galatea’s screams as she crawled about on the blood-streaked mat. She heard the countdown somehow above the roaring din of the raging crowd. She pushed herself up to one knee, struggling just to keep her balance as she attempted to stand. She looked up, one eye locked onto Irene, who had lowered her hands, a looming giant of a woman, and she spat up blood. You haven’t won yet!
Even if it kills me…

With a mighty effort coupled with the screaming approval of the crowds, Clare somehow managed to find her footing and stood on trembling legs.

I will fight you until I…until I -!

Galatea nodded, her eyes wild with emotion. “Finish this!” she cried to her pupil. “Don’t let her deck you again! You won’t be able to get up after a fourth time,” she cried, as Clare shuffled painfully, dragging her feet and then stopped before Irene. “What are you doing?! Defeat her, and the Championship is yours!! It’s YOURS!!”

She fell silent, as she glimpsed the tears shimmering in Clare’s eyes. She looked more closely at the still standing Irene and her mouth dropped in utter shock and awe.

Irene had not lowered her fists in triumph over Clare as she stood. She had lowered her fists because she was no longer conscious. On her battered and bruised face was a shockingly serene smile despite her puffy eyelids, swollen bruises, and a trickle blood flowing slowly down her forehead.
Even in defeat, she had remained standing… still so strong and yet so beautiful.

Clare’s worn arms were now limp at her sides as even the roaring crowd fell silent when they had finally realized what had happened. Even Rubel, snide man he was, failed to degrade this unearthly moment with his words and even tucked his hat over his eyes in a rare show of respect.

As the now-former Champion finally fell, her body completely relaxed - completely free, Clare rushed to embrace her before she hit the blood-splattered floor. Trembling she held onto the limp body, quietly weeping in grateful admiration.

Irene…

What has pushed you so far…?

*

Afternoon


Her head wrapped in bandages, Clare sat by Irene’s side in the sick bay, waiting for her to awaken. As the sun began to dip below the horizon outside, the former Continental Champion groaned, raising her hand to her sore head. “Where… am I?”

“Irene…” Clare gave a small smile. “You’re… in the locker room.”

“Ah… yes. You defeated me, didn’t you.” Irene looked up, staring at the roof. It was not so much a question as it was an admission. “I must congratulate you, Clare. I would never have thought Teresa’s daughter would have made it this far. And for that reason, I admit I do not feel very upset at all.” Irene raised herself up slowly, her face impassive to the pain she was feeling. “Where is Galatea?”

“You’ve been asleep for several hours now,” said Clare. “The others have all returned to Rabona. I asked to remain behind.”

Irene raised her eyebrow in surprise. “And what do you want with me?”

Clare stared into Irene’s eyes. “I want some answers.”

Irene nodded, rubbing her head. “My apologies for behaving so cryptically the other day. But as you are now the Featherweight Continental Champion, I believe it is the correct time.” She looked at Clare directly. “I wish to impart to you everything I know about bare-knuckle boxing.”

Clare nodded yet was troubled. “But what of Galatea?”

“Do not worry. I will not keep you for long. It shall be my last deed as a boxer, before I retire and join Teresa in the ranks of once-powerful warriors, toppled by the new generation.” Irene gave a self-effacing smirk. “Your skills have already progressed greatly; your victory told me that much. But I would like for you to learn the Flash-Strike. It will serve you well in the future, as you advance up the World rankings to reach Priscilla.”

“So… you know of my reason for entering the pits,” mumbled Clare.

“My reason for teaching you… is the very same,” said Irene quietly.

The new Champion blinked in surprise, before lowering her head. “Say, Irene… ”

“Yes?”

“Let me take you to my home, where Teresa lives too. After a decade, I can’t believe you wouldn’t want to see her again.”

Irene stared determinedly down at her hands on the bedsheet. “I have seen her too often for one lifetime, my child.” She looked at Clare awkwardly. “You… intend to take me to her?”

“Yes. We live in a cottage we built outside the meadows of Rabona city. If you are to teach me, I demand that you come. You can stay for dinner.” Clare’s expression was utterly serious. “Teresa and I almost always eat together. It has been a while since she had a guest. Especially an old comrade like you.”

Irene averted her eyes. “I… would not know what to say to her.”

“You are to be my teacher, Irene. You said so yourself. For that reason, the three of us are interconnected. It only makes sense for you to stay with us, after so many years.”

For the first time since Clare had met her, Irene actually looked nervous.

*


Evening. Hills outside of Rabona


Garbed in a modest black dress, Irene shifted uncomfortably. “This is hardly a good idea, young lady,” she said, as she stood behind Clare at the old door to Teresa’s cottage.

“Do not worry,” said Clare, knocking. “Teresa,” she called. “I’m home, and I’ve brought someone to see you.”

The door creaked open, and her adoptive mother peered out, already garbed in her nightclothes. “Just in time, Clare. You must be hungry. Have some soup – ” Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Clare, what – ”

Clare smiled bashfully. “I hope this is not too ill-timed.”

Teresa fell silent, gaping out the door.

Those silver eyes she had not seen for ten years. Irene did her best to meet them. “I… Irene…?” breathed Teresa, losing almost all interest in Clare. She stared in wonder at the pointy-eared woman for several moments, before breaking into a relaxed, almost relieved, smile. “You have brought her here, Clare?”

Clare lowered her gaze. “Yes.”

Teresa opened the door, her eyes still wide. “Well,” she said, drawing near, her hand trembling on her cane. “I didn’t expect to meet you again… after so long.” She raised an arm, reaching for Irene. “Where have you been?”

“As Clare has said, I have remained in the pits,” muttered Irene, as Teresa embraced her lightly, her weak hands shaking.

Clare smiled. Teresa may have been reduced to a hobbling lady, but it was a long time since she had been so energetic.

“This is almost too much to take in. Why don’t you settle down before you tell me everything. And I mean you too, Irene,” added Teresa, stepping back. “Come in.”

Clare nodded understandingly and stepped past Teresa to prepare the bowls for dinner, but Irene simply stood at the door, staring at the former World Champion.

“…Teresa,” she acknowledged quietly, painfully awkward.

“It looks like Clare beat you,” said Teresa, her smile broadening.

“Yes,” growled Irene.

“Tell me everything,” demanded Teresa at once. “Everything from these past ten years, to your defeat today.”

*


Clare was understandably exhausted, and after she had divulged to Teresa of everything that had transpired this glorious day, she retired to her room. But as the evening grew darker and colder, words continued to be exchanged between the two veterans inside the cottage. For several hours, Teresa and Irene remained reclined on chairs arranged before the fireplace, the crackling warmth soothing the initial awkwardness.

As commanded, Irene had told her all that she suspected, of Clare’s power, and her potential.

For a while, there was only silence. Teresa stared unseeingly at the burning wood. “So. You believe the boxer whom I spoke of a decade ago… is Clare? And she is the warrior I entrusted you to find?”

Irene nodded, sipping at the hot milk Teresa had prepared for her. “She has defeated me and become the new Featherweight Continental Champion. It seems too… providential. Yet I do not wish to force that idea onto you. I have always been aware of your reluctance for Clare to engage in any form of bloodsport.”

“I cannot stop my daughter from her silly crusade of vengeance,” said Teresa bluntly, her fingers fiddling at her armrest. “If I cannot stop her, I certainly cannot stop you from teaching her.”

Irene glanced at her. “Clare has invited me to leave Sutafu after my retirement. She wants me to stay here.”

“Will you listen to her?”

“I will most certainly retire. I am satisfied that we have at last found the legacy we both hoped for. But… ”

“You will stay a little while longer here, ex-Champion?” smirked Teresa suddenly. “The cottage is large enough for a family of three. I have no husband, after all.”

“I am not your family,” snapped Irene, unable to stop her teeth grinding. “We are not family.”

“Alright, princess,” chided Teresa. “But know that I also had a pretty narrow view of the world, before I took Clare in. But she’s made me realize… how much deeper relationships go than simply ‘family’ or ‘enemies’.”

“I have tolerated your mastery over me for fifteen years, and I am not about to let you have me again.”

Teresa smiled sadly at her. “And what would that mastery over you be? That of a cane-bound cripple? Listen to me. I have wondered about you for many years, Irene. I have never forgotten about you.”

“You might as well have,” interrupted Irene brusquely. “I have not forgotten about you either. I cannot forget about you. Sometimes, I wish I could. ”

Teresa did little to hide the pain in her eyes.

Irene blinked, in surprise, irritation… and mild guilt. She… has really changed this much? What has happened to the World Champion I once…?

“Ever since Priscilla incapacitated me, I cannot leave this cottage,” said Teresa quietly. “My body can barely support itself around this house. I can only remain here in these meadows beyond Rabona, hoping Clare will return unharmed from her stupid bouts. I feel her lips on my face every morning, every day she leaves to train, and it is the most wonderful – most terrifying – thing in the world. I can only trust Galatea is doing the right thing.” She closed her eyes. “You can still walk and fight, and yet, you have chosen to retire. When Clare told me that, I entertained this wild thought, that someone up there was blessing me, guiding you back to me, so we could find each other once again.” She sighed, trying unsuccessfully to hide the genuine hurt in her voice. “But I have been wrong about many things in life already.”

Silence from Irene.

…Amazing. I never believed that you, of all people…

She looked away. “My things are at Sutafu Academy. I must arrange for a new coach there, and ensure my students will be taken care of. If you insist like the child you are, I will move in… before the weekend is upon us.”

Teresa’s sorrow visibly lifted. She chuckled lightly - hopefully. “Then…you will live with us?”

“I believe I have answered in the affirmative. I plan to retire, after all. There is no stigma here. Besides… you have entrusted to me a task that I must carry out.”

“Well then, you cannot leave for Sutafu now. It is too late, and the nights are freezing at this time of year.” Teresa hobbled up and limped out of the den, beaming. “I will prepare your bed for you.”

Irene turned away, her slanted eyes shining with rare emotion. “Teresa… thank you for entrusting me with Clare. It must be rather difficult for you.”

“Look,” called Teresa, almost ignoring Irene’s words as she looked out of the open window, her voice hushed in pleasure. “The stars… they are glimmering outside. Aren’t they wonderful?”

Irene had to smile as she turned her eyes to the window as well. “Yes,” she murmured, “they are beautiful.”

They are beautiful, indeed.