2011-12-03, 01:32 | Link #11024 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai and Rain - Daydreams draft, Please tell me what you think.
Spoiler:
@ Rain - It's interesting, but I can't use it. If you're using it in HOTM then I can't use it i Shadow since readers will comment on it being a carbon copy of yours.
__________________
|
2011-12-03, 01:39 | Link #11026 |
Head of FRACTURE R&D
Join Date: Oct 2011
|
@ Eratas: Aw... She's an important part of Kyuukai's character in later chapters.
It doesn't have to be a carbon copy, he could have different motives, and the scenes could be different. But the general idea's the same. He wants to be a father some day, but he can't achieve that dream with his curren't life. So he starts to slowly make the decision. Koneko helps him lean towards moving on instead of staying as a soldier. You could have Irish mock him as he builds her skeleton, and have Kyuukai argue with him. Kyuukai could goad Irish into helping him somehow, even going to beg him to help out. This shows that Kyuukai's willing to get over some things to get things done with the guy. Maya visits him, over the course of the 5 days, and Irish could ask her why Kyuukai's obsessing over Koneko. Maya could start explaining the bonds of family and love in her terms, in a way that Irish starts to slightly appreciate it, but still doesn't really understand it. They could bond over that. Also, it puts Kyuukai out of action for 5 days (unless for little segments), and you can focus more effort onto the other two protags. Also, she could be a reason for the two to "bond" in Shadow. Also, the draft's great! I laughed quite a few times. |
2011-12-03, 01:47 | Link #11028 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Senpai and Rain - Innocent romance is harder to write than borderline lime Writing Tatenashi's took me less than 10 minutes compared to this.
Anyway, don't forget this!' Spoiler:
@ Rain - I'll see what I can do about it. Why don't I just replace her with Canan? The family bonding can be seen from that and it makes Kyuukai seem less creepy about it since he's kind of acting like Jigsaw at that point.
__________________
|
2011-12-03, 01:51 | Link #11031 |
Head of FRACTURE R&D
Join Date: Oct 2011
|
@ Eratas: Then again, Canan is 16 and she's already thinks Irish is her father.
In HotM, she thinks my male pilot (the plausible one) is her father. Also, the creepy factor is intentional. He acknowledges the fact it's creepy. But he's relatively unstable (this point in the plot is a top secret spoiler), but in his honest to god heart and mind, he really does love Koneko. And he didn't program her to love him back. She learned to do so. After all, she was online for those 5 days. When Kyuukai let his heart out to his daughter laying on the table. |
2011-12-03, 02:01 | Link #11038 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
|
@ Rain - Once again, I REALLY want to but people would comment too much on the similarities. Hell, you can tell the changes in Shadow from HOTM already such as FRACTURE being weaker and Tabane being more morally gray. If I put it in, you KNOW reviewers are going to get pissy about it. Putting in Canan is already a risk but I'm already trying to change her to fit with Shadow's theme. Don't you have any other ideas?
__________________
|
Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
|
|