Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[MeisterBabylon]

Anita always made it sound like its the best place on the planet besides Switzerland.

[Rising Dragon]

Welfare here is only good if you're not a native citizen or if you're not a native who is white, unfortunately. Same with Social Security.

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

Welfare here is only good if you're not a native citizen or if you're not a native who is white, unfortunately. Same with Social Security.

Yeah, my mom was on welfare for a while after she was injured on the job, and she was actually kicked out of a hospital once to make room for some Mexican prick who'd come up for medical treatment. And my aunt was denied food stamps for a few months because she wasn't black...

[Rising Dragon]

Same deal with my mom. She can't work; her knees are deteriorating and she'll need knee replacement surgery soon, but because she's in her fifties, they refused to grant her social security.

And the real kicker?

They told her if she had been a foreigner, illegal or otherwise, who had not worked a day in her life in the country, she'd be immediately eligible for both welfare and social security.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Anita always made it sound like its the best place on the planet besides Switzerland.

I suppose once you have most of your fronts covered, like income, a home, food, etc., the US can be a pretty nice place. Then you just have to deal with the jerks around you.

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Thunderbird

This is what would have happened.

Spoiler for The Future That Never Was...Or Should Ever Be.:

Fate would have died, which would in turn have made Vita defeat Nanoha with no hope of rescue in A's episode 1, in turn Hayate would have been consumed by the Tome of the Night Sky, Rein would never have been born, Teana would have never been an enforcer, Subaru would have remained a crybaby all her life, Caro would have probably been a test subject all her life or even "disposed of", Erio might have never been born since Project Fate would have been a failure, and Vivio would never be. Not to mention Jail making Terminators and sending them back in time to kill...

See? you are just asking for too much O great mistress. I surely hope that you do not make this come to pass *shivers*

Except that without Fate, Yuuno wouldn't have been gone from Nanoha's side when vita attacked, which means they would have double-teamed Vita before Signum arrived, stalling long enough for TSAB backup to arrive. With the Wolkies driven off without being able to capture Nanoha's Linker Core, they have a huge setback.

From that point onwards, it's anyone's guess.

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Can I adopt her pwease~~~~

You'll have to wait until I crank out her profile first.

Originally Posted by Fuyu no Sora

@Keroko-kun: Did you continue writing "Fall of an Empire" by any chance? =O?

At this point, Fall of an Empire is pretty much out of date. I might rewrite it when Vivid reveals enough information, though.

For now, I do have a profile for Alistina, if you're interested.

[Rising Dragon]

Hell, if Fate wasn't there, Yuuno might not have been on the Arthra in the first place, and could've been there from the get-go. Vita may have been stomped before Signum could've arrived.

[MeisterBabylon]

Originally Posted by Keroko

At this point, Fall of an Empire is pretty much out of date. I might rewrite it when Vivid reveals enough information, though.

For now, I do have a profile for Alistina, if you're interested.

I figured that as much... Though I did base a lot of Kalilah around Alistina prior to Vivid, now I'm just waiting for canon to progress.

Or I could just post that simpleton of a profile up for you, Fuyu... She's good for nothing except her sex appeal after all...

...when I get round to proofreading it that is.

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

Same deal with my mom. She can't work; her knees are deteriorating and she'll need knee replacement surgery soon, but because she's in her fifties, they refused to grant her social security.

And the real kicker?

They told her if she had been a foreigner, illegal or otherwise, who had not worked a day in her life in the country, she'd be immediately eligible for both welfare and social security.

That's how it goes, sadly. Good thing that'll all change soon enough.

/me whistles Dixie

[OZ7UP]

Heh. Gone for three days, and I get a pretty huge backlog. Not as huge as, say, 66 pages' worth of stuff, but still...

SORTING BACKLOG...

Right then.

@ 00-Raiser: "The Big Step" is, for the most part, a pretty decent story. As for what I have to say, well, it's already been said by practically everyone who commented on it, ie too rushed and randomly-inserted OCs. While the two-year gap in between "The Big Step" and the very first story suggests that Yuuno and Vivio's relationship was not rushed, we really would have liked to see more development throughout the entire two years. That's what I really liked about RB's ViCia stories - it's a matter of building up the whole momentum... Well, you know what I mean.

As for writing the lemon part, well, it is pretty uncomfortable to write it unless you know what you're doing. That said, you can get around that by writing a really short lemon portion that does not use (obvious) sexual terms. For example:

Spoiler for NSFW, non-graphic (I think) AS-safe lemon, scene taken from Stephen Clarke's "A Year In The Merde":

We did some swift, efficient asset-stripping, carried out the required amount of research and development, then I was invited to position my product in her niche market. I did my best to satisfy her high demand with as much supply as I could muster. After a period of violently fluctuating market penetration, the bubble finally burst and we sank back, our sales forces completely spent.

That's like, what, 65 words? To date, this is by far the best lemon scene in a piece of fiction that I have ever read (and I have read quite a lot of detailed lemons), mainly because my reaction to the paragraph was a WTF-version of "Heh, that's really clever."... Perhaps it's not really the kind of style you're going for, but if you can just sit back and give it some thought, you can probably pull off a great lemon.

That said, I would like to see someone write a lemon in a similar vein to what's inside the spoiler. Satashi, Shiny, I'm looking at the two of you.

@ Alavon: I'm really digging the "A Guardian Angel" story. The exchange between the Church and the townspeople was pretty intense.

@ Tempy: Looking forward to more Kaon/Noland shorts from you. Noland, in general, is far cooler than "freeze-your-arse-off-in-the-arctic-wind" cool. That said, though, yeah, being a NEET really isn't a great thing.

* OZ7UP is pondering his options if his dream of forming a band does not work out. *

Yeah, I'm screwed.

@ the whole "What if Nanoha failed to reach out to Fate" scenario: Normally, I'd be tempted to mention Satashi's "AlternateS" series (btw, when are we going to see an update?), but that would be looking at things optimistically. I can still see the TSAB intervening (although the opposite is also likely, if the battles were kept low-key), but anything further than that, there are many outcomes to choose from, most of them being bad, ie Vita successfully wiping out Nanoha at the start of A's, or a lack of firepower in dealing with the Book Of Darkness at the end of the series.

* OZ7UP is looking at the rest of the backlog before unleashing a massive backlog breaker *

Really nothing else to comment on, given that everyone's said what I've wanted to say, and that some of the stuff mentioned was supposed to be dealt with in the FFC.

As for "It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged", I'll probably have the opening portion of Chapter 4 up on Friday, along with some options as to what you would like to see in the rest of said chapter. The full chapter should be up over the weekend. For those of you who were looking forward to it (RB, Tabasco), my apologies for keeping you waiting - I'm either too busy or too tired. Nya~n would know why.

[Thunderbird]

Originally Posted by OZ7UP

Normally, I'd be tempted to mention Satashi's "AlternateS" series (btw, when are we going to see an update?)

*pokes Satashi* I am getting more and more support here. *double poke* you know what I am getting at XD

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by OZ7UP

While the two-year gap in between "The Big Step" and the very first story suggests that Yuuno and Vivio's relationship was not rushed, we really would have liked to see more development throughout the entire two years. That's what I really liked about RB's ViCia stories - it's a matter of building up the whole momentum... Well, you know what I mean.

Here in lies the problem, though. I've more or less thought up how I can fix the other problems mentioned, but not this one. The reason why I jumped ahead like that is exactly because I have no ideas for what could happen inbetween. Anything I could write would be mundane and boring, and probably wouldn't be able to flesh out into a full fic anyways. I've mentioned before how it's basically her going to help him when he's busy, and them going out when there's an opportunity.

No potential conflicts come to mind, since those usually arise from misunderstandings, and Vivio and Yuuno are both intellectuals, so they'd be able to calmly think and talk it over. Plus, I've already used the biggest possible misunderstanding already.

And yes, I can't help but be quite envious of RB's ViCia stories. She never seems to have a lack of ideas, and people are always bugging her for more. They love it so much they even write stories based off that universe themselves. Of course I never expected to even come close to her series, but since I've only been able to take my own this far I can't help but think I either lack something as a writer or this pairing is simply inferior.

Sorry a little emo slipped out there. I need to reinforce my AT Field.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

The irony of this piece is something that makes me want to sit down and laugh. You did a good job getting into their heads. Some of the language seems a little mature even for them, but then again, this is MGLN we're talking about.

Irony indeed. It's almost as if... naw, that would be over thinking things. But yeah, they do seem mature for kids. But personally speaking, if I had the choice between wise and mature young kids, vs. older people that whine, cry, and complain about things that come their way (like Usagi), I'd choose the former every time. It's a big part about why I like the Nanoha series.

Just personal opinion.

Originally Posted by Nijiru

I love how you get into their heads, it's kinda creepy. Which makes it cool.

Thanks. It's what I strive for as a fanfic author, to get as close to the source characterization as possible. I rarely use first person, but I find it can come in handy from time to time, so I decided to practice. I'm using a bit of it in my upcoming series.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Here in lies the problem, though. I've more or less thought up how I can fix the other problems mentioned, but not this one. The reason why I jumped ahead like that is exactly because I have no ideas for what could happen inbetween. Anything I could write would be mundane and boring, and probably wouldn't be able to flesh out into a full fic anyways. I've mentioned before how it's basically her going to help him when he's busy, and them going out when there's an opportunity.

I repeat again: why not do holidays fics? Or perhaps a fic where Lio/Corona are worried because they like [insert name of character here] which would prompt them to seek advice from Vivio, which could lead to some interesting development on her wondering about her own relationship. And if you just have small moments in time, why not create a drabble dump? That way you can still post it as a story and say to the readers "This is what occured over their two years together". You don't have to write a full fledged story every time you focus on them, just show us what was happening during those two years and why so we can understand how they got from Point A to Point B.

No potential conflicts come to mind, since those usually arise from misunderstandings, and Vivio and Yuuno are both intellectuals, so they'd be able to calmly think and talk it over. Plus, I've already used the biggest possible misunderstanding already.

I think you're underestimating just how badly one's feelings can be hurt. I've seen two perfectly rational, intelligent people have the biggest, loudest misunderstandings possible, and somehow they manage to resolve it and love each other when the sun rises the next day. It isn't a relationship without the misunderstandings and daily arguments over small things.

BTW, for those who care: the two perfectly rational, intelligent people? They're my parents.

And yes, I can't help but be quite envious of RB's ViCia stories. She never seems to have a lack of ideas, and people are always bugging her for more. They love it so much they even write stories based off that universe themselves. Of course I never expected to even come close to her series, but since I've only been able to take my own this far I can't help but think I either lack something as a writer or this pairing is simply inferior.

You've put me on a pedestal I don't deserve to be on. Even now I'm still amazed at how popular my ViCia series got. But let me tell you something: it was never originally supposed to be a series. It was supposed to end with "Never Been Kissed", but then Vivio was bugging me for more, so I wrote the sequel. Then when Christmas came around and everyone was talking about Christmas fics... and so on and so forth. I think you'd be surprised to learn just how easily one can be inspired by others or by events IRL. Just because my series is so popular doesn't mean I'm a better writer than you or that my pairing is superior, it isn't fair to compare them. I started my series a year ago, yours is still only a few months old or so. Give it time and if you're persistent and patient, you'll find just as many people will love what you've created.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

No potential conflicts come to mind, since those usually arise from misunderstandings, and Vivio and Yuuno are both intellectuals, so they'd be able to calmly think and talk it over. Plus, I've already used the biggest possible misunderstanding already.

Drop them both into a remote amazon village with weird marriage laws and/or procreation laws where Yuuno is taken prisoner; they want to add fresh genes to their next generation of kids. Some necklace they put on him, will kill him if it's removed or he leaves the village. So force won't work to free them, and Yuuno doesn't want Vivio to kill the whole village; he wants a peaceful solution. To make matters worse, Vivio can't transform anyway, due to the strange large stones that surround the village (it basically forces her device into an inactive status).

Now try to get them out of it.

Perhaps there are some in the village who are sympathetic in one fashion or another, and might provide a small form of assistance. Perhaps there is an outside male-filled village that is unhappy with the arrangement, and Vivio might recruit some help there. Perhaps she can use the village's own laws against them. Have some humor as amazon after amazon tries to seduce Yuuno, but he protects himself with well-placed barriers to keep his purity intact, but he can't keep up his strength forever.

Due to strange magic, Yuuno is changed into a woman. Gender-bending is always fun when done right. They have to cope with their feelings, since the possibility is there that he won't be able to get changed back.

As for any other conflicts, even the most level-headed people can get emotional and upset over something, and it can take some time to sort things out. One of my favorite anime, Seto no Hanayome, has the two pretty much like each other, and she's pretty devoted to him(aiming to be a good wife to him). But they do have a sort of argument or fight near the end(over socks and a few other quirks of his that pile up) that helps set up the end events. It gives him motivation to rescue her, apologize, and finally say he loves her and that he'll work better on picking up his socks and other things.

Everyone is gonna fight sooner or later, especially when emotions like love are involved. We have the ability as authors to see everything from a calm, collected and objective angle, so sometimes it can be hard to put our characters into situations like that. Vivio sees a situation in which it looks like Yuuno is cheating on her.

Perhaps a young woman from Yuuno's tribe shows up and claims she is his fiancee and they were promised to each other(as a 6 or 7 year old, Yuuno even said he'd marry her when she asked). Scrya tribe demands they get married. Yuuno can't refuse, or he loses his backing in the tribe, or his position as librarian, or loses access to a number of archeology digs. But there is still a chance for Vivio, as the three of them return to the tribe. Vivio has to compete in a number of inane and silly contests with the other girl, to determine who is best for Yuuno. Stuff like cooking contests (where Vivio might be horrible at), or other ways to support one's husband or show fitness as a woman. Some contests allow devices or magic, and some don't. Yuuno has been ordered to help judge and be objective; his nature means he has to force himself to be fair(though with inner conflict over it).

Just tossing a few things out there. The more you exercise your imagination, and the more experiences you gain, the more you can come up with. And as I said before, don't be afraid to grab something from a series you've seen before. It doesn't matter if the audience has seen it, as long as it's done well when you write it.

And hmm, if you don't use the above concepts, I just might! ^_^

Of course I never expected to even come close to her series, but since I've only been able to take my own this far I can't help but think I either lack something as a writer or this pairing is simply inferior.

Part of the problem is just simply the age difference, which is why I don't think it's too popular. You've got, what 14 or so years between them? Even the best writer will have trouble with a difficult concept.

And try not to despair over what someone else does, or the reactions they get. Just focus on what you do, and everything else will come in time. The audience will notice the type of effort a writer puts into their stories, and by focusing on writing, you'll be able to draw others into your world.

Anyway, my own personal opinions and thoughts; feel free to use or discard at will. =)

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Drop them both into a remote amazon village with weird marriage laws and/or procreation laws where Yuuno is taken prisoner; they want to add fresh genes to their next generation of kids. Some necklace they put on him, will kill him if it's removed or he leaves the village. So force won't work to free them, and Yuuno doesn't want Vivio to kill the whole village; he wants a peaceful solution. To make matters worse, Vivio can't transform anyway, due to the strange large stones that surround the village (it basically forces her device into an inactive status).

Now try to get them out of it.

Call in outside support with mass-based weapons to bypass whatever AMF field they've got going. Eliminate all resistance, then try to remove the necklace - if outside specialists can't do it, interrogate the surviving villagers, try to find out who knows how. If they won't talk, separate the elders and start executing the rest of the villagers - the youngest ones are the least likely to have the necessary info and will typically generate the largest emotional impact, so start with them. If all else fails there's always truth serum, sensory deprivation, or just the good old-fashioned jumper cables to the 'nads treatment.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Due to strange magic, Yuuno is changed into a woman.

For frak's sake, isn't he feminine enough already?

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Perhaps a young woman from Yuuno's tribe shows up and claims she is his fiancee and they were promised to each other(as a 6 or 7 year old, Yuuno even said he'd marry her when she asked). Scrya tribe demands they get married. Yuuno can't refuse, or he loses his backing in the tribe, or his position as librarian, or loses access to a number of archeology digs. But there is still a chance for Vivio, as the three of them return to the tribe. Vivio has to compete in a number of inane and silly contests with the other girl, to determine who is best for Yuuno. Stuff like cooking contests (where Vivio might be horrible at), or other ways to support one's husband or show fitness as a woman. Some contests allow devices or magic, and some don't. Yuuno has been ordered to help judge and be objective; his nature means he has to force himself to be fair(though with inner conflict over it).

Congratulations! You've just brought out the oldest, most utterly retarded idea in the book! If I had a nickel for every time some romance did the "secret priorly/family arranged marriage!" shtick I'd have... well, a hell of a lot of nickels. Unless you're playing it for comedy value anyway, in which case you need to be sure to include MXC references and cap it all off with "I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH!"

[Nanya01]

Hey guys, I just posted Normalcy to FF.Net

[Arkeus]

Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar

Call in outside support with mass-based weapons to bypass whatever AMF field they've got going. Eliminate all resistance, then try to remove the necklace - if outside specialists can't do it, interrogate the surviving villagers, try to find out who knows how. If they won't talk, separate the elders and start executing the rest of the villagers - the youngest ones are the least likely to have the necessary info and will typically generate the largest emotional impact, so start with them. If all else fails there's always truth serum, sensory deprivation, or just the good old-fashioned jumper cables to the 'nads treatment.

Isn't Mind-Reading almost canon, what with Acous(sp?) and Marriage?

[Dark Knight Gafgar]

Originally Posted by Arkeus

Isn't Mind-Reading almost canon, what with Acous(sp?) and Marriage?

Yes, but also less fun. And any society that encourages kidnapping and rape needs to be eliminated anyway, so might as well kill two birds with one stone.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Dark Knight Gafgar

Call in outside support with mass-based weapons to bypass whatever AMF field they've got going. Eliminate all resistance, then try to remove the necklace - if outside specialists can't do it, interrogate the surviving villagers, try to find out who knows how. If they won't talk, separate the elders and start executing the rest of the villagers - the youngest ones are the least likely to have the necessary info and will typically generate the largest emotional impact, so start with them. If all else fails there's always truth serum, sensory deprivation, or just the good old-fashioned jumper cables to the 'nads treatment.

For frak's sake, isn't he feminine enough already?

Well, I admit it all depends on whether one is going for romance/comedy, or romance/drama. I prefer the former myself, which is my suggestions were in the vein of.

So you're thinking is a bit too logical for a comedy. :P Probably a bit too logical for even the Nanoha-verse, heh.

Congratulations! You've just brought out the oldest, most utterly retarded idea in the book! If I had a nickel for every time some romance did the "secret priorly/family arranged marriage!" shtick I'd have... well, a hell of a lot of nickels. Unless you're playing it for comedy value anyway, in which case you need to be sure to include MXC references and cap it all off with "I MUST HAVE THEM BOTH!"

Every idea has been done before. Browse tv tropes for awhile, and you'll note they pretty much cover every angle you can possibly think of. The key is always in the execution. A good writer can pull it off; a bad writer has issues. And sometimes you can gear up a good used trope, only to plot twist it wonderfully at the end.

Also, sometimes you just have to start with an idea, even if it's old and used many times before. As you write and rewrite, you get inspiration and it morphs into something else.

There are many valid points of view. Since everything has been done before, one would become afraid of writing altogether, since anyone can point at it and go "Hey, not very original pal; It was done before here, here, and here. Stupid."

Edit: On a completely unrelated note, this is awesome sauce:

Spoiler for My Little Pony Live Action Trailer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXoYK4b_q24