2012-06-28, 07:01
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Underweight Food Hoarder
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Kitch-Water and T.O., Canada
Age: 32
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Forcefully, you can go to some post-secondary institution for a 2-4 year program to get some random skill you think might be good for having while having the opportunity to meet women 18~20's. Municipal clubs/events. For example, volunteering, sports groups, festivals.. Working is better than attending. but you have to be out there. I don't personally recommend relationship rooting from the internet. It's a gamble of time and the large majority of internet dating are directionless people who are not willing to commit. And those that are eager to commit come off as scammers xDDD |
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2012-06-28, 12:09
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Link #10442 |
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The Most Hated™
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: A random coordinate on the space-time continuum
Age: 36
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huh thanks those were good advice.....
about the too general introduction that sounded plain, i did not present my whole self there and also i have my own quirks and hobbies as such, I love science, cars and motorsports involving drifting drag racing and tuning, astronomy, many conventional sports, anime, manga, light novels, sci-fi, adventure books and movies(i actually read a lot), i am also fascinated by nature, and natural phenomenas that happen all around us, i love to dance listen to music, hang out and party with my friends (usually the old ones from high school), all these things define me as such and because they are rather unusual things that go together in my life many people think that i am a chaotic, unpredictable person who is also a geek. i don't talk about my mom or my parents at any given place... i rather avoid that issue.. i had a not too conventional childhood "let's stick to this"  about the chores thing i don't quite do it too often so, the majority of the time when visitors come to me there isn't 100% clean environment but i tend to clean up the house myself once a week, girls here are a bit lazy these days.....maybe not all of them but i don't have the slightest idea how can i make a girl feel "needed" in my life, you can ask me any question about many things i answer you like a professor, but if you ask me about girls, i'm as dumb as a dead horse, even though i gave away good & successful advice to many of my friends in how to pick up girls, i myself did not have luck... maybe i was too much of a nice guy that is why i go friend zoned but i don't know any other way to approach a stranger without getting rejected. so i go with the reject-free solution to become a friend with her and advance further.....i know it is a wrong tactic but i don't have confidence in myself i am too shy, and tend to blush (becoming red to the ears) when i talk to a girl to whom i am romantically attracted. about getting to know new girls i am out but im too much of a coward to talk to them. i was thinking of maybe i should go to dance lessons(there i might meet new girls and because you have to dance with them the approach problem might be avoided), or another thng i would like to start up with kendo (we have a kendo school, but i don't know if there are any girls here), i somehow missed two anime meetings where i certainly could have found girls with similar interests as me (i will try to get to it next time), about meeting other girls in their 18-20's what suggestion do you have? cooking school? might be good? i don't have the slightest idea where i could go to meet girls where they are in numerical advantage but i don't feel bad being with them...(i htink dance school was a good suggestion but i'd like other ideas too, in our town most of the festivals are in autumn so there is no problem i tend to go to them but i already said that i have problems talking to girls who i don't know, and what i should talk about? volunteer work....same as with 5 -10 lines above but the problem is also that i kinda have to work my ass of just to live from one day to another and in the majority of my free time i relax, catch up with my hobbies, clean the house, cook food, wash dishes, wash, dry and iron clothes, so i have little time to do volunteer work even though i would like to do some. the internet dating might be onvenient for someone with almost no free time as me and i tried it too and met up with some girls but somehow the fire died out and i became just a name in their list. honestly i'd like to have a serious relationship but i think i should start up with something that doesn't last long to gain some XP. I'd like to hear about your opinions as well on these matters too, Anyway i learned a lot from your reply thanks again.
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2012-06-28, 16:20
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Link #10443 | |
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Anime Cynic
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: USA
Age: 35
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Not everyone moves at the same pace in life, and it's not a bad thing to start later. One major benefit of never having a girlfriend before for me is that I still have my "innocence," so to speak. I've never had my heart broken, and I don't have any baggage from past failed relationships. Everything is new and wonderful. Honestly, when the right girl comes along, it'll take you completely by surprise. I met my girlfriend because I had broken my pelvis in a climbing accident and was immobile for a couple of weeks, so I decided to mess around on a dating website. There she was.  I was a little bit concerned before this about my lack of experience. My game plan was waiting for the right one, but I had occasionally thought, "Perhaps I'll just go out with someone who isn't right for me, just to gain experience." I never did, and I don't regret it. Once you're in a relationship, it's pretty easy. Just don't be stupid and it'll be a breeze. As far as actually meeting people, I've got nothing for you. I didn't have any success until I stumbled upon online dating, so that's the best advice I can offer. Still, don't stress out about it. You've got plenty of time left to be young. The right girl will come along eventually.
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2012-06-28, 23:08
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Link #10444 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London
Age: 43
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 In other words, don't. The only time I had to be with two girls in secret (ages ago) I felt like the biggest jerk in the universe... so unless they know about the situation and you guys are into those group stuff, better avoid the whole mess, usually it turns pretty nasty in the end, and the worst thing is that you can not blame anyone in the end
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2012-06-29, 06:24
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Link #10446 | |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
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I just saw this. Are you freaking kidding me? Your selfishness could irrevocably damage one or more of them when they find out. You could literally ruin their life. Quit playing around with people's emotions. |
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2012-06-29, 07:35
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Link #10448 | |
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I am a Boxer
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Where hot girls are fighting!
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2012-06-29, 08:22
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Link #10449 |
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Permanent Lurker
 Graphic Designer
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: ᶘ ᵒᴥᵒᶅ...hehe
Age: 29
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Ehh not really, she was asking what the best way was to keep it a secret from every guy. ANYWAYS, let's end the discussion about her and move on, she is not worth our time
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2012-06-29, 08:48
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Link #10450 | |
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I am a Boxer
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Where hot girls are fighting!
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yes, she was asking it, but she also said: guy1-guy2-guy3-guy4... However i agree bro,Let's move on.
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2012-06-29, 11:27
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Link #10451 |
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Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Suburban DC
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I say try online dating, but don't rely on it.
You're likely not going to speaking to your partner JUST through an electronic avatar, you have to get real human face time. Do online dating but keep it as a back up. |
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2012-06-30, 07:04
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Link #10452 |
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Banned
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Philippines
Age: 36
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Lucky for you guys. I never had a girlfriend since I was born. I had many crushes but I don't know..
I had a crush on my Elementary days but her big Bro threatened me!!! I had mutual understanding with a girl in my high school days but a suitor of her threatened me!!! ..and in college... I can't decide among the many single females in my nursing batch!!! Hey, I'm not gay!!!  
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2012-06-30, 07:06
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Link #10453 | |
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I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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2012-06-30, 13:01
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Link #10455 | |
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He Without a Title
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The land of tempura
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PS: oh and good luck. I should probably add that as well.
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2012-06-30, 19:32
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Link #10456 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: London
Age: 43
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 My second attempt did not progress far enough to be worthy of even mentioning
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2012-06-30, 22:10
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Link #10457 | |
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Senior Member
Artist
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: The Middle Way
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My friends keep joking about how I'm such a bad dude going for my underclassman.
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2012-07-01, 11:16
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Link #10458 | |||||||
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Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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Keep in mind that a relationship changes both people who enter into it. You may give up some of your hobbies for her and take up some of hers; she may give up some of hers and take up some of yours. What matters the most is that the both of you have similar values and goals for the relationship. Quote:
The idea behind the "friend zone" isn't an exact science, but the psychology behind it makes sense. If you know a girl for a year and haven't made a move on her, and she doesn't seem attracted to you, then it makes sense that you're too late: she has grown comfortable with the relationship as it is, and may not be able to see herself with you. However, it's fine to get to know someone for a few weeks, and then make a move. Don't feel pressured to ask people out after meeting them one or two times. As to being shy, this is something that you can work on. You need to change how you view yourself. Why are you blushing when you talk to someone that you're attracted to? Are you embarrassed? Is it wrong for a man to be attracted to a woman, and to express his interest in her? No, of course not. Feel no shame in it: you are doing what you need to do, and whether the woman accepts or rejects you, she will feel pleased that someone expressed interest in her. So when you do this, feel confident and proud. Quote:
Is it because you're shy in general? I used to be very socially shy. I probably could have been diagnosed with a psychiatric condition: it was to the point where I couldn't eat with strangers, because I would feel so anxious that I'd feel terribly nauseous. Is it because you're afraid of being rejected? I used to have that fear, too. Then - after days of agony - I finally asked a girl out. I was rejected. I discovered that it didn't kill me, and suddenly it was as if a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Being rejected wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be. In both cases (being shy and being afraid of rejection), what ultimately allowed me to turn things around was altering how I viewed myself. I used to think that I was a nice guy who was worth something, but my self-confidence was incredibly poor. I don't know if you feel the same way, but look at what you're writing: you're thinking that you're 24 and you've never dated. You're worried about it, because you're thinking that most people your age have already hooked up with many other people. Are you thinking that you're a loser, or that something is wrong with you? Wipe that thought from your mind. Life is not a set pattern that everyone follows. So you haven't dated - so what? It doesn't say anything about you. So alter your view of yourself. Recognize that if and when a girl rejects you, the only thing it means is that she wasn't interested. It does not mean that you're ugly, that you're stupid, that you're awkward, or that you have no chance with any woman. Not every girl will be interested; that's life. Get used to it, accept it, and let it roll off of you. Instead of focusing on yourself, be happy that you asked her out at all, knowing that it's a confidence booster for her. At the very least, focusing on it that way should help you to simply ask. Are you still not feeling worthwhile, or like you're attractive? Go to the gym. I'm not even talking about body-building, this is psychological: by going to the gym, lifting some weights, or doing some form of workout, you will feel better about yourself. In the back of your mind you'll think "I work out" and you will feel more powerful. It's only a bonus if you work out for long enough to build up some sort of physique (assuming you don't already have it). Quote:
Now granted, talking to women on the street doesn't put you at an advantage for going out with them. People on the street are generally trying to get somewhere and they're not expecting to be interrupted. Trying to talk to them might put them in a bad mood. But the point is that you don't need to be one man among tens or hundreds of women. If you're waiting for a bus or are at a coffee shop and you see a woman who looks interesting, just talk to her. If you find that she's actually unattractive to you and you don't want to pursue it further, you can break it off right there. Otherwise, push farther: try to get her number, or request to meet her again. You may not be successful... but then again, you might be successful. You won't know unless you try. A lot of men refer to dating as a game. It sounds condescending to women, but in a certain way, thinking of it as a game isn't a bad way to go when it comes to finding new people. You get to know new people, you try to be as charming as possible, and you keep seeing how far you can advance the relationship. You won't always be successful, either, but hey - you have unlimited tries! As long as you don't take anything personally in those early stages, you're good to go. Quote:
And again, remember not to take anything too personally, or to invest too much of yourself in these encounters. If you do, you'll find yourself very hurt by each rejection (or perceived rejection), and you'll feel too drained by each unsuccessful encounter to keep trying for more. At this point it's a matter of quantity over quality. If you find someone interesting who seems like they might be interested back, that's when you put more focus and energy into it. Quote:
Whether it's internet dating or not, you need to be persistent. The difficulty is finding a balance: you need to be persistent, but not so persistent that you frighten them off. Quote:
Here's my challenge to you, to push you to where you need to be. When you go out today (or tomorrow, if you're reading this at night), I want you to make eye contact with the strangers that you encounter in your day-to-day routine. Don't stare them down, but glance at their eyes, and if they glance back, hold that for a second before looking away. If you lock eyes with an attractive woman, give her a small smile before looking away. Get into the habit of doing this: making eye contact makes random encounters to be more likely. This applies to both romance and business. The challenge continues. I want you to go to a coffee shop (or a bar, if you're into that). Find a woman who is alone (or who is with one female friend, although that makes it slightly more challenging). Don't even give yourself time to think and over-analyze the situation: just talk to her. Ask her how the book she's reading is, or about the drink/food she has, or about how she feels the temperature in the establishment is - anything. (Although that last one is a little weak.) If you want to go for the gold, keep it going: tell her your first name (ideally she'll give you hers, at least to be polite), and try to come up with more things to say and talk about. Most likely nothing will come from doing either of those two things. Don't expect it to: this is a process. At the end of the process you will not think of yourself as a shy person, and going through these encounters will not seem like a big deal. I promise you. And if you happen to get brushed off or told off with one of these challenges, don't take it personally: we'll laugh it off together. Your technique may need some work, and there's plenty of time to figure that out and try again. You're unhappy with the way things are going. Push yourself and change it up.
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2012-07-01, 12:43
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Link #10459 | ||
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Love Yourself
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Northeast USA
Age: 38
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So, marriage. I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling some jitters about it. If you take marriage seriously, it's a big deal. You are committing to live out your life with another person, no matter what happens. Sure, divorce exists, but if you're serious about your vows, it's not really an option. Who wouldn't feel a bit nervous or have second thoughts about making that commitment? I think it's perfectly normal. The key is to do it on your own schedule. Don't do it because parents want you to or because your girlfriend is clamoring for it: do it because you want to do it. It sounds like you already have it in mind that you're going to do it, though, so this isn't a big deal. Based on my experience, I'll say that you may still experience doubts leading up to the wedding. But once it's official, those doubts are completely dispersed from your mind. At that point, you and your wife are totally committed to each other (ideally). You know there's no going back: you can both only go forward, together. At that point, it is a wonderful feeling, and there will be no doubts. Of course, that all assumes that you're a good match for each other and that you did all of the work that you needed to do in building up a strong relationship in the first place! Take some time to think about it. If you're feeling nervous, ask yourself why it is. As I said, some degree of nervousness and doubt is normal. But if there are any major issues that are on your mind, now is the time to try and resolve them. If you can't resolve them, you may want to call things off. Quote:
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2012-07-01, 13:52
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Link #10460 | ||
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I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
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Basically, when I said 'registering', I meant going to the Registry of Marriages here in Singapore, and register as an officially married couple. As far as I'm aware, there is no legal 'intermediate' stage between singlehood and marriage here, it's all or nothing. So yeah, she basically wants the official certificate next year. She's actually fine with having any ceremonies, or whatever shebang that comes with it, later on when we're better able to afford it. Quote:
1) Lifestyle changes. These days, I go to work, knock off, and come back home to kill the rest of the night with my own hobbies. She goes to work, knocks off (or does OT), and goes back to her place at night and does her own thing. She comes over on the weekend, and depending on each other's schedules, we either go on an outing or otherwise just stay in my room, and she basically enjoys my bed. It's a pretty comfortable way of life for the both of us currently. That sure as hell is going to change after marriage, and at this point, I'm not sure whether I'm ready to face such a great turning point in my life.  I mean, it's not like things are going to change immediately after getting the certificate, since we'll have to get our own place first (and in Singapore, young couples trying to get their own place is literally a fucking lottery). We'll probably go on like we are for a while yet; the thing is, once I put pen to paper, I know I'm going to set in motion a chain of events. We're eventually going to get that place, we're going to move in, we're going to actually start living together for real, start having to make mutual sacrifices, eventually even having that kid... we're actually going to have to fucking act like adults. I don't feel ready for that.  2) Speaking of kids, remember my concerns a few years back about my family history. Yeah, that's going to come back to haunt me again. Not anytime soon; she's seen my point about doing what she can with her youth before settling down and starting a family, but she's still going to want a child eventually. And when that time comes, I don't think I can refuse her. So, yeah. Yet another one of those things I know I'm going to sign myself up for once I've signed the document in my own blood. 3) Finances. She's currently in a better-paying job than I am, and has more savings to go along with it. It'll probably still be the case by the time we get married for real, not that it should pose much of a problem; she's perfectly fine with being the main breadwinner, and (knowing her  ) I'm probably going to have to pull most of the weight in terms of housekeeping anyway.Even so, I don't feel comfortable signing our lives together until I at least have a comfortable amount of savings, and have progressed somewhat further than I currently have in my career. If I were to put it in a nicer-sounding way, I want to avoid having her sign her life to some complete deadbeat. If I were to put it in a completely ego-centric way? I want to prove to myself that I'm at least not a complete deadbeat by that time. So, yeah. Pretty much the main reasons at this point. |
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| Tags |
| advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
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